the kings of comedy

Practical Shakespeare Quotes

Do you want to quote more Shakespeare in your life but never find opportunities to say “brevity is the soul of wit”? Do you rarely hang below balconies exchanging love vows with the daughter of your enemy? This is just the list for you.

“What an ass am I!”
Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2

“I am not a slut,”
As You Like It, Act 3, Scene 3
(Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here,”
The Tempest, Act 1, Scene 2

“Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways,”
Henry IV Part 2, Act 4, Scene 5

“This is the excellent foppery of the world,”

King Lear, Act 1, Scene 2

“Making the beast with two backs,”
Othello, Act 1, Scene 1

“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool,”
As You Like It, Act 5, Scene 1

“To tell thee plain, I aim to lie with thee,”
Henry VI Part 3, Act 3, Scene 2
(Works great for courting hot widows.)

“I would rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me,”
Much Ado About Nothing, Act 1, Scene 1

“I wasted time, and now doth time waste me,”
Richard II, Act 5, Scene 5

“Marry, sir, in her buttocks.”
A Comedy of Errors, Act 2, Scene 5
(No judgement here.)

“My horse is my mistress,”
Henry V, Act 3, Scene 7
(Uh, there might be something wrong with that.)

“Thou dost infect my eyes,”
Richard III, Act 1, Scene 2

“Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit,”
Twelfth Night, Act 1, Scene 5
(“Wit” is Shakespearean slang for penis.)

“[Wine] provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance,”
Macbeth, Act 2, Scene 3

“I had rather live with cheese and garlic in a windmill, far, than feed on cates and have him talk to me in any summer-house in Christendom,”
Henry IV Part 2, Act 4 Scene 1

“Now, gods, stand up for bastards!”
King Lear, Act 1, Scene 2

“Villain, I have done thy mother!”
Titus Andronicus, Act 4, Scene 2
(This means exactly what you think it does.)

“And thou unfit for any place but hell,”
Richard III, Act 1, Scene 2

“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers,”
Henry VI Part 2, Act 4, Scene 2

“Heaven truly knows that thou art false as hell.”
Othello, Act 4, Scene 2

“Out, dunghill!”
King John, Act 4, Scene 3

“This is too long.”
Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2

4

Full Frontal With Samantha Bee explains how white people ruined Black History Month

February is the shortest month of the year (Leap Day included), and yet it’s the only one that America dedicates to the celebration of African-American history. Even worse, as Samantha Bee pointed out on Monday’s episode of Full Frontal, are the politicians and pundits who invoke Black History Month to delegitimize modern black protestors. Bee invited one of her writers, Ashley Black, on stage with her to discuss how white people ruined Black History Month. 

Some movies that will help put you in a good mood especially if you're feeling down:

• the kings of summer
• the grand budapest hotel
• footloose
• the breakfast club
• soul surfer
• silver linings playbook
• the best exotic marigold hotel
• RV
• we’re the millers
• the internship
• we bought a zoo
• the spectacular now
• the perks of being a wallflower

It’s World Theatre Day!

So as a celebration, I’d like to post a series of photos. A number of you have asked about shows I’ve done in the past, so here are some highlights:

Pharaoh, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat:

Haberdasher, The Taming of the Shrew:

Laertes, Hamlet:

Oberon, A Midsummer Night’s Dream:

King Alonso, The Tempest:

Gordon (the Dead Man), Dead Man’s Cell Phone:

Antipholus of Syracuse, The Comedy of Errors:

Jack Worthing, The Importance of Being Earnest:

Mr. Wickham, Pride & Prejudice:

Alonzo, Cats:

And of course…

Wheatley, Portal 2: The (Unauthorized) Musical:

Durring Let's Play Minecraft Episode 58 - King Geoff Part 2...
  • Ray: "what's your favorite beastiality film, Ryan?"
  • Ryan: "uhh, Mangobbler. It's about man fucking a turkey."
  • AchievementHunter: *Goes on to create Theater Mode in which the first episode is Thankskilling where a turkey fucks a man*

Awkward, but here it is… The Triple Dab! LOL!!! Hahahahahahaha!!