the kings of comedy

Practical Shakespeare Quotes

Do you want to quote more Shakespeare in your life but never find opportunities to say “brevity is the soul of wit”? Do you rarely hang below balconies exchanging love vows with the daughter of your enemy? This is just the list for you.

“What an ass am I!”
Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2

“I am not a slut,”
As You Like It, Act 3, Scene 3
(Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here,”
The Tempest, Act 1, Scene 2

“Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways,”
Henry IV Part 2, Act 4, Scene 5

“This is the excellent foppery of the world,”

King Lear, Act 1, Scene 2

“Making the beast with two backs,”
Othello, Act 1, Scene 1

“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool,”
As You Like It, Act 5, Scene 1

“To tell thee plain, I aim to lie with thee,”
Henry VI Part 3, Act 3, Scene 2
(Works great for courting hot widows.)

“I would rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me,”
Much Ado About Nothing, Act 1, Scene 1

“I wasted time, and now doth time waste me,”
Richard II, Act 5, Scene 5

“Marry, sir, in her buttocks.”
A Comedy of Errors, Act 2, Scene 5
(No judgement here.)

“My horse is my mistress,”
Henry V, Act 3, Scene 7
(Uh, there might be something wrong with that.)

“Thou dost infect my eyes,”
Richard III, Act 1, Scene 2

“Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit,”
Twelfth Night, Act 1, Scene 5
(“Wit” is Shakespearean slang for penis.)

“[Wine] provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance,”
Macbeth, Act 2, Scene 3

“I had rather live with cheese and garlic in a windmill, far, than feed on cates and have him talk to me in any summer-house in Christendom,”
Henry IV Part 2, Act 4 Scene 1

“Now, gods, stand up for bastards!”
King Lear, Act 1, Scene 2

“Villain, I have done thy mother!”
Titus Andronicus, Act 4, Scene 2
(This means exactly what you think it does.)

“And thou unfit for any place but hell,”
Richard III, Act 1, Scene 2

“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers,”
Henry VI Part 2, Act 4, Scene 2

“Heaven truly knows that thou art false as hell.”
Othello, Act 4, Scene 2

“Out, dunghill!”
King John, Act 4, Scene 3

“This is too long.”
Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2

4

And the 2017 Emmy nominees are …

Outstanding drama series:

The Crown
House of Cards
Stranger Things
This Is Us
Better Call Saul
Westworld

Outstanding limited series:

Big Little Lies
Fargo
The Night Of
Genius
Feud: Bette and Joan

Outstanding comedy series:

Veep
Atlanta
Black-ish
Silicon Valley
Master of None
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Modern Family

Outstanding television movie:

The Wizard of Lies
Sherlock: The Lying Detective
Dolly Parton’s Christmas of Many Colors: Circle of Love
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
Black Mirror: San Junipero

Outstanding lead actress in a drama series:

Claire Foy, The Crown
Elisabeth Moss, The Handmaid’s Tale
Keri Russell, The Americans
Robin Wright, House of Cards
Evan Rachel Wood, Westworld
Viola Davis, How to Get Away with Murder

Outstanding lead actor in a drama series:

Sterling K. Brown, This Is Us
Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul
Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
Matthew Rhys, The Americans
Anthony Hopkins, Westworld
Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan
Milo Ventimiglia, This Is Us

Outstanding supporting actor in a drama series:

John Lithgow, The Crown
Jonathan Banks, Better Call Saul
Jeffrey Wright, Westworld
Ron Cephas Jones, This Is Us
Michael Kelly, House of Cards
Mandy Patinkin, Homeland
David Harbour, Stranger Things

Outstanding supporting actress in a drama series:

Chrissy Metz, This Is Us
Thandie Newton, Westworld
Millie Bobby Brown, Stranger Things
Uzo Aduba, Orange Is the New Black
Ann Dowd, The Handmaid’s Tale
Samira Wiley, The Handmaid’s Tale

Outstanding lead actor in a limited series or movie:

Ewan McGregor, Fargo
Robert De Niro, The Wizard of Lies
Riz Ahmed, The Night Of
Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock: The Lying Detective
Geoffrey Rush, Genius
John Turturro, The Night Of

Outstanding lead actress in a limited series or movie:

Carrie Coon, Fargo
Nicole Kidman, Big Little Lies
Reese Witherspoon, Big Little Lies
Jessica Lange, Feud: Bette and Joan
Susan Sarandon, Feud: Bette and Joan
Felicity Huffman, American Crime

Outstanding supporting actor in a limited series or movie:

Stanley Tucci, Feud: Bette and Joan
Alfred Molina, Feud: Bette and Joan
David Thewlis, Fargo
Alexander Skarsgard, Big Little Lies
Bill Camp, The Night Of
Michael Kenneth Williams, The Night Of

Outstanding supporting actress in a limited series or movie:

Judy Davis, Feud: Bette and Joan
Jackie Hoffman, Feud: Bette and Joan
Laura Dern, Big Little Lies
Shailene Woodley, Big Little Lies
Regina King, American Crime
Michelle Pfeiffer, The Wizard of Lies

Outstanding lead actor in a comedy series:

Anthony Anderson, Black-ish
Aziz Ansari, Master of None
Donald Glover, Atlanta
Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent
William H. Macy, Shameless
Zach Galifianakis, Baskets

Outstanding lead actress in a comedy series:

Pamela Adlon, Better Things
Allison Janney, Mom
Ellie Kemper, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Tracee Ellis Ross, Black-ish
Lily Tomlin, Grace and Frankie
Jane Fonda, Grace and Frankie

Outstanding supporting actor in a comedy series:

Alec Baldwin, Saturday Night Live
Louie Anderson, Baskets
Tituss Burgess, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Tony Hale, Veep
Matt Walsh, Veep

Outstanding supporting actress in a comedy series:

Anna Chlumsky, Veep
Leslie Jones, Saturday Night Live
Vanessa Bayer, Saturday Night Live
Kathryn Hahn, Transparent
Judith Light, Transparent
Kate McKinnon, Saturday Night Live

Outstanding variety talk series:

Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
Real Time with Bill Maher
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
The Late Late Show with James Corden

Outstanding variety sketch series:

Billy on the Street
Documentary Now!
Drunk History
Portlandia
Saturday Night Live
Tracy Ullman’s Show

Outstanding reality-competition program:

The Amazing Race
American Ninja Warrior
Project Runway
RuPaul’s Drag Race
Top Chef
The Voice

Read more (7/13/17 12 PM)

Comic Hasan Minhaj On Roasting Trump And Growing Up A ‘Third Culture Kid’

As the American-born child of parents who emigrated from India, comic Hasan Minhaj often feels a little out of place. “I exist in this hyphen,” he says. “I’m an Indian-American-Muslim kid, but am I more Indian or am I more American? What part of my identity am I?”

Those are the kinds of questions Minhaj deliberately sidestepped when was getting his start in comedy. “It was almost like I was on the playground all over again,” he says of his early career. “I just was afraid if I get real … people aren’t going to like it; they’re going to think I’m a freak.”

After years doing stand-up, Minhaj became a correspondent with The Daily Show in 2014. The following year, he starred in Homecoming King, a one-man stand-up show in which he began to open up on stage about his experiences as a “third culture kid” who doesn’t fully share in either the culture of his parents or that of his hometown of Davis, Calif.

“It wasn’t until I started exploring the personal stuff, the one-man-show stuff, that I kind of got a chance to be more open to the audience and to my family,” he says.

Minhaj’s new stand-up special, which is also called Homecoming King, is available on Netflix starting Tuesday.

Some movies that will help put you in a good mood especially if you're feeling down:

• the kings of summer
• the grand budapest hotel
• footloose
• the breakfast club
• soul surfer
• silver linings playbook
• the best exotic marigold hotel
• RV
• we’re the millers
• the internship
• we bought a zoo
• the spectacular now
• the perks of being a wallflower

4

Full Frontal With Samantha Bee explains how white people ruined Black History Month

February is the shortest month of the year (Leap Day included), and yet it’s the only one that America dedicates to the celebration of African-American history. Even worse, as Samantha Bee pointed out on Monday’s episode of Full Frontal, are the politicians and pundits who invoke Black History Month to delegitimize modern black protestors. Bee invited one of her writers, Ashley Black, on stage with her to discuss how white people ruined Black History Month.