Okay so with all the Feyre and Rhys baby talk going around I want to remind everyone that they chose, together, to wait.
Yes they will be great parents one day, but it’s important to remember that they chose not to have kids for a while for themselves.
transcript of the speech i gave at Vassar’s black baccalaureate service
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, and the Vassar class of 2017.
Just saying that aloud made me feel old. Class of 2017? Most of y'all were born after dark-skinned Aunt Viv left the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. That’s wild.
I want to first thank you for allowing me to be a part of such a special moment in your lives. I am honored, privileged, and a bit in disbelief that you asked me of all people to give this address. I try not to have feelings, and I’m going to do my best not to cry today, but no promises.
I’m here to stand in the gap between you and your parents and guardians and any other elders in your lives that you stopped listening to because you thought they were wack and out of touch. I remember being in your shoes not TOO long ago, and it is my fervent prayer that something that I say here today will help you avoid some of the mess I went through.
To be honest I’m a little nervous, but I figured there was no way could this be worse than when Betsy DeVos went down to Bethune-Cookman, so let’s get started.
As you transition to life after Vassar the changes will be both inevitable and swift, so I’d like to begin by giving you some well-intentioned advice and warning you about the continued process of becoming an adult.
Context: Leyla, a Muslim British-Indian woman, is coming out to her mother, telling her “I’m gay.” Her mother reacts with horror and disgust, telling her “You’re up to your neck in sin” and going so far as to ask “Who did this to you?”
But it’s this scene that sums up the reality of LGBTQ+ desi youth. Our parents may very well love us and want the best for us, but the absolute bottom line is: our parents do not want us to be happy. They want us to be appropriate, to be respectful, to have children and well-earning careers, to fit into the mold of heteronormativity and gender roles, to be religious and pious. But no, they do not want us to be happy. Happiness doesn’t fit into it.
To them, happiness is indistinguishable as a separate characteristic because according to them, doing all of these things should already be making us happy.
The ideal created for desi children is that they shouldn’t strive to do what makes them happy, but what makes them “good.” Unfortunately, under this context, good is defined as anything that isn’t seen as immoral or out of the norm.
A woman who is not straight is rejecting her role as a wife, and to a lesser extent, her role as a mother. She is rejecting the notion of subservience to men, of obedience and inferiority. Under our current system that is hugely patriarchal, a woman who does not submit is a threat.
Now, I’m not saying desi parents are bad parents or hate their children because it’s pretty clear this happens in nearly every other culture in the world. But I am saying that desi parents do not make their children’s happiness a priority, they make their children’s success a priority: successful careers and marriages and children = successful lives. So if you ask a desi parent “do you want your kid to be happy?” they’ll immediately say “yes, of course.” But if you add on “do you want your kid to be gay if that makes them happy?” the answer will be a lot less positive.
This movie tackled Leyla’s sexuality and coming out to her parents absolutely head-on with no coyness about it. She goes straight up to her mother and admits that she’s a lesbian. But her mother’s reaction is really the thing that most “coming out” stories try to gloss over, or sugarcoat, or just in general avoid. Her mother admits with frank and brutal honesty the truth that all LGBTQ+ desi kids know: our parents would rather see us miserable and straight than queer and happy.
The genres vary this week, as always. We’ve got beauty vlogs, lifestyle vlogs, cooking vlogs, music vlogs, talk show set ups, and a bunch of other types of content! One thing is for sure, and the whole point of this entire project: these are all LGBT+ YouTubers. A lot of them are here on Tumblr too! So I added their @’s for you as well.
If you think I’ve mislabeled someone (as in, if I have put them in this list or in the gifs above when they aren’t LGBT+), please tell me immediately as there’s nothing I value more than accuracy - I will be sure to follow up. In addition! If you’ve got recs, don’t hesitate to send them my way(particularly LGBT+ YouTubers who are people of color - I was underwhelmed to see the vast yet not so diverse YouTube vlogging landscape when it came to popularity.)
Next week: LGBT+ HISTORY - a compilation of academic journals, articles, autobiographies, YouTube videos, and other types of media that cover the long and too often glossed over history of the vast and diverse LGBT+ community. If you have any recommendations, send them my way!
Enjoy: LGBT+ YOUTUBERS
Pero Like - “Pero, like… You know what we mean. Weekly videos of tu vida.” A Latinx-oriented vlog in which one of the YouTubers is Salvadoran and gay, but LGBT topics are not the main thing they vlog about
Claudia Boleyn - A bisexual YouTuber who makes videos about mental health and social justice issues
Miles Jai (giffed above) - Posts improv sketches, parodies, “beauty tutorials”, as well as vlogs
Kat Blaque@katblaque (giffed above) - “Opinion Vlogger, Children’s Illustrator and Thrift Store Addict”
Sara@rnashallah (giffed above) - Totally not putting her up here because we’ve been mutuals on Tumblr for like mad long and I’m just very fond of Sara as a person. She vlogs about her life and tbh that alone is worth a sub in my book!
Eileen W.@peeves (giffed above) - Another good friend of mine (let me live). HILARIOUS, sarcastic, honest, and is pretty much always there to Validate You, so support her and subscribe!
Kid Fury@signedfury - “Born in Miami and raising hell in New York City, Kid Fury is a media mouthpiece with a whole lot of nerve. This channel is one of many avenues Fury uses to cover life, pop culture and more with a unique and sharp flare of truth, shade, and fuckery.”
-Sometimes his voice wavers during arguments and it annoys the HELL out of him but he just gets so intense- sue him -He got his Saint Christopher ring from a buddy who was killed in New York -Johnny was the one who pointed out his brown leather jacket in a thrift shop and it was one of the few things that Dally actually paid for rather than stole -He knows his mum had lied to him about who is father is because neither his mum or ‘dad’ had his white blond hair -When he was 7 his mum and her boyfriend went on a week-long cocaine and alcohol binge and by the end of it, they went out and just never came back -One of his few good childhood memories is from when he was about 5 and his mum got a part-time job as a hairdresser. She would let him hang around the shop as he worked and he felt safe surrounded by the hum of the hairdryers and the old ladies talking and laughing as they got their hair done. -He was passed around a lot between family members after his mum left and although it bugged the hell out of him, he got pretty close with a few of his cousins -Once after his parents had gone off for 3 days, his ‘dad’ came home and found him crying him crying in his room. He got the shit beat out of him and told to ‘man-up’ and after that, he swore no one was ever going to find him crying or push him around like that again
How Tony Stark actually is (AA DID THAT I'M SO HAPPY)
I think one of my favorite things in all of avengers assemble is how the episode “Molecule kid” handled the concept of how others think of Tony Stark vs. How Tony Stark actually is.
For those who haven’t seen avengers assemble (btw AA is so GOOD WATCH IT ASAP) the plot was basically that black widow and hawkeye have to get the kid of a supervillain they took down in the past to give up the device that made the supervillain, Molecule Man, have their powers (it was basically like a magic wand of science that turned something into something else on a molecular scale. Hence the name.) from him. And was established that Tony could NOT know about this AT ALL COSTS because shield and our heros (Mainly Natasha, Clint didn’t seem to really care if Tony knew or not and even mentioned it would be “a good time to call Tony” several times throughout the episode) believed that Tony would be obsessed with learning how to change things the way the device does and that would be too much power for him to have control over.
So basically Clint and Natasha are struggling and trying to make this kid (like this 10-12 year old) stop and give them the thing and eventually the rest of the avengers show up to help and WITHIN 5 MINUTES OF TONY SHOWING UP AT THE CLIMAX/END HE SOLVES BASICALLY THE ENTIRE PROBLEM AND THEN CONTINUES TO SURPRISE SHIELD AND NATASHA BY GIVING THEM THE DEVICE FOR SAFE KEEPING BECAUSE HE ALSO THOUGHT IT WAS DANGEROUS AND OFFERED THE KID AVENGER REFERENCES (WHICH ARE HIGHLY VALUABLE THINGS, IT WAS PRACTICALLY ENROLLING HIM THEN AND THERE) TO BE PLACED IN A PROGRAM FOR KIDS THAT TEACHES THEM HOW TO BECOME HEROS OR SHIELD AGENTS FOR WHEN THEY’RE ADULTS AND SO BASICALLY TONY ALSO JUST SAVES A SUPERVILLANS SON FROM A LIFE OF CRIME AND HONESTLY I THINK IT’S SOME OF THE BEST CHARACTERIZATION FOR TONY BEING A BETTER PERSON THAN EVERYONE THINKS HE IS
Nobody asked me before I was born, “Hey, girl. Do you wanna be born in to a system of oppression where your people will literally be murdered for no reason, and their murderers will be let go, routinely. And that will just be one of hundreds of facets of this White Power structure. But, girl, if you would like to take on that burden, please do mark Black on this box.” Nobody asked me. I love being Black, but I would love being Black more if I could get some White privilege with it.
Crissle, The Read Podcast, “Imitation of Life” 6.17.2015
I’m writing in regards to the dickhead in last week’s letter who didn’t know how to cope with his boyfriend being bipolar after finding his medication. I am a 23-year-old black woman with bipolar, and although that letter was not towards me, your ignorance cut deep and made me tear up. So on behalf of every bipolar person you indirectly offended, I have some words for you and all you other hoes who have the same mentality.
Being bipolar is a difficult, bumpy journey that you can’t even begin to empathize with in your wildest dreams. ON TOP of all the bullshit we have to grapple with, we also have to deal with the monster of a stigma that is attached to the “bipolar” label. The only contact that most people have with bipolar is through the exaggerated stereotypes on TV or in movies. I see celebrities and others get called “bipolar” whenever they’re acting an ass or emotionally all over the place, as if it’s an insult. We have to battle with our condition and what people think of it.
With that being said: Whenever I meet someone I like, I keep my business to myself because the thought of someone rejecting me because of it scares me. I won’t open myself up with that information until I’m about 3-4 months into a relationship, because I need to know for sure that I can trust someone in it for the long haul. But a month or less? Hell no. Your entitled ass breached a deep sense of privacy, and then have the NERVE to second guess someone who is TAKING MEDICATION to keep his illness under control?
Crissle and Kid Fury told you to hold on to that information until he opens up to you. With all due respect, fuck that. You need to own up to your fuck shit and let your boyfriend know how you breached your privacy, and how you feel about his illness being a problem, and let the ball be in his court. It’s people like YOU who make us hesitant to open up about something that is a critical part of our lives.
I know your desperate ass wants to get married, and you just fucked it up with a flawed, yet perfect man because you’re more concerned with checking boxes off your list than getting to know the nuances of a great person. So, a hearty fuck you to you and every ignorant jackass who reduces our condition to a “problem.”