the joke is that one of them is dead

cocked & loaded [dwayne johnson/vin diesel]

okay, so if i were to write the academy award-winning and world peace-establishing screenplay where Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson and Vin Diesel slowly fall in love, this is what it would look like:

  • vin and dwayne would be bitter Rival Agents for an intelligence agency. both would be up for a Big Promotion.  they would both be working together (but against each other) on something something black market mafia.  the mafia would be involved.  they would be VERY CLOSE to cracking this case.  
  • whoever cracks the case gets the promotion! because things like this are always very clear-cut in movies.  and whoever gets the promotion is the Better Agent, and it’s settled forever.
  • what they don’t expect is when they finally go in to make the Big Bust on The Family is that the Big Players will still be at large–and there will be a BABY.  
  • the baby will fall into agency custody, and will require surveillance in a remote safehouse.
  • “i need YOU TWO to pretend and be this baby’s GAY DADS to protect the baby and keep The Family off our tail while we close in on them,” says Head Intelligence Captain Lupita Nyong’o.  
  • dwayne and vin and baby are begrudgingly moved to a suburb of provincetown, massachusetts. cut to shot of a FOR SALE sign being pulled down, a ford fusion hybrid pulling up behind a moving van.  dwayne and vin step out.  they are both wearing muscle shirts and mirror-lensed aviators.  dwayne grabs a baby bag, throws it over his shoulder.  vin grabs the car seat out of the back, and both of them walk-slow motion up the side walk to their new 800k beach house.  
  • here’s what they expect: passive aggressive co-existence for a couple of weeks, where they try to be the Better Dad in a bid for the promotion they both want.  dwayne will go jogging with the baby every morning!! vin will wear her in a sling when he goes to the farmer’s market and smiles at the vendors while feeling up avocados and selecting fresh caught filets of fish!! 
  • here’s what they don’t expect: their next door neighbors are going to be Channing Tatum and Idris Elba and their five beautiful, interracial babies.  they are the perfect Gay Family, but “also,” dwayne says, pushing vin inside from where he’s been grilling steaks and drinking MILLER out of a CAN in broad daylight for the Real Gay Family to see and call over from their patio!!! “these guys are the REAL DEAL.  they’re gonna know something’s up!  i know we’ve had our beef, but we gotta step our game up and work together if we’re gonna make this operation work.”  
  • “you’re right,” vin says.  he’s nodding, looking at a ground, but then up and meeting dwayne’s gaze. “you’re RIGHT.” they’re gonna make this partnership work!!! they are going to be the BEST GAY DADS.
    • CUT TO: vin and dwayne staring at the king sized mattress in the master bedroom.  “i can just–” vin says, but dwayne grabs him by the shoulder and shakes it playfully.  “no man,” he says. “it’s all in or nothing.” 
    • CUT TO: them jogging together with baby playfully squealing from her stroller early in the morning.  
    • CUT TO: vin playfully feeding dwayne grapes at the farmer’s market.  “it’s all or nothing,” he repeats, raising his eyebrows (???? eyebrow folds? idk man). dwayne rolls his eyes and TAKES THE BITE.  
  • CUT TO: channing tatum in monogrammed shorts and pink polo and boat shoes on their front door step with one of his many perfect, precious toddlers on his shoulders, asking them to dinner.  “uh yeah,” dwayne says, cool as a cucumber. he’s not freaking out (he’s totally freaking out!!).  “we’ll bring the wine.”
  • “we’ll bring the wine?” vin repeats, in a hushed voice so the neighbors and baby don’t hear them fighting. “do you know anything about wine? they probably have a second house in france!  i haven’t had anything that didn’t come from a box since–since ever! what were you thinking?” “i panicked!  it seemed like the right thing to say!” 
    • TIRES SCREECH as the ford focus hybrid drifts into the whole foods parking lot.  
  • they show up out of breath, foreheads glistening, with baby in her favorite babybjorn, feet kicking from the day’s excitement of wine shopping.  vin, wheezing, passes a bottle of red and a bottle of white.
    • “oh, a chateau coutet barsac,” idris says with a chuckle, showing the label to channing. “remember that time–?” and oh my GOD, they have inside jokes!! 
    • (”we don’t have any inside jokes!!” dwayne whispers when they immediately excuse themselves halfway through a tour of the house. “that’s because you are the least funny person i know!” vin replies. “god, i hate you!!!” they both probably hiss at each other.)
  • the worst and best part of the night is when they’re serving the roast veg salad, and channing says with the best intentions, “so, how did you two meet?”
    • “uh,” vin says.
    • “the gym,” dwayne says. which, actually turns out to be true.  they look at each other, smile soft and genuine for once at each other, REMEMBERING. before they were BITTER RIVALS, they met at the academy gym and were GYM BUDDIES.  they used to have FUN trying to beat each other’s PR on the treadmill, they used to LOVE shit talking each other when they spotted each other bench pressing, they used to snap towels at each other’s asses in the locker room and totally not check each other out or anything!!! and then they were both accepted to the same position at work and they stopped being friendly for whatever reason.  they stop smiling, they look away from each other.  “anyway.”
    • “we met building houses for habitat for humanity,” idris offers, because of COURSE THEY DID.
  • the second worst part of the night is when channing mentions during the dessert course that two weeks from now is the annual May Day Homeowner’s Neighborhood Block Party Crab Cookoff, and maybe dwayne and vin would like to host to get to know everyone else in the neighborhood! 
  • vin has had like, three more glasses of wine than everyone else, and with aid of liquid confidence, shrugs his shoulders and leans back in his chair and says, “yeah, man, we’d love to.”
    • “’yeah, man, we’d love to?’” dwayne repeats when they’re walking home, baby asleep in her bjorn. 
    • “sorry, did you want me to give ourselves away? what happened to being the best? we’re trying to be believable!” 
    • “yeah,” dwayne says, watching vin strip off his shirt and pants and toss them over his shoulder into their spare hamper before crawling into their bed.  it’s routine.  they both have their sides of the bed.  “believable.”
    • the bedroom is quiet as they face away from each other at the edges of the mattress.  eventually dwayne asks, “do you remember why we stopped being friends?”
    • for a second he thinks maybe vin’s gone to sleep.  but he turns over.  “no,” he says.  “or yeah, maybe. as soon as i realized we would both be seeing action, it became too much of a risk.  friendship.  it was easier to lose you as a friend on my terms than lose you as a friend because you got your dumbass killed.”
    • they decide to be friends again.  you know, for the baby.  for work. whatever.  
  • they get so caught up in planning the May Day Homeowner’s Neighborhood Block Party Crab Cookoff, making inside jokes and ignoring the increasing casual physical intimacy between them that they don’t realize they are BEING WATCHED.
  • the mafia is HERE and they want their BABY and they want dwayne and vin DEAD.  
  • the M.D.H.N.B.P.C.C happens and everything is going according to plan, and they are about to have dwayne judge the bisque portion of the competition, but no one has seen dwayne anywhere!!!!
  • are there warehouses in provincetown??? is there a bad part of provincetown??? anyways, that’s probably where the mafia took dwayne.  vin is FREAKING OUT, how does he save dwayne??? how does he protect the baby, who they are using dwayne as ransom for??? who will judge the bisque portion of the crab cookoff???
  • idris puts a hand on his shoulder.  he’s been watching the entire time.  “i’ll take the baby into our panic room–” OF COURSE THEY HAVE A PANIC ROOM, “and channing will judge the bisque portion of the crab cookofff.  you go save your man.”
  • CUT TO: vin getting geared up to go out and kick some mafia ass, entering their walk-in closet and grabbing GUNS and a BULLET PROOF VEST and lacing up his L.L BEAN MEN’S GORETEX LEATHER BOOTS.  
  • vin takes out the entire warehouse-or-whatever of mafia lackeys and comes across dwayne tied up and blindfolded.
  • “who’s there!” dwayne demands, like he’s ready to fight despite himself.  vin takes three strong steps forward and grabs him by the back of the head and pulls him in for a kiss.  “guess who,” he replies.  dwayne smiles.
  • just then the Final Boss shows up as dwayne is being untied and like, something dramatic happens or whatever, but it’s okay.  they die or go to jail or something, it doesn’t really matter, because dwayne and vin are in LOVE and they’re gonna adopt the hell out of that baby.
  • CUT TO: a month later.  Head Intelligence Captain Lupita Nyong’o is disappointed when vin won’t accept his promotion.  
  • “i would,” he says, heavily decorated for saving dwayne in the field and taking down the mafia family.  “but the code of conduct says that it would be a conflict of interest if i was my husband’s supervisor.” BAM! THE END.  THEY’RE MARRIED.  WORLD PEACE UNLOCKED.   DONALD TRUMP IMPEACHED.  EVERYONE LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
Great comments I've overheard this week

A very, very middle class young woman talking to her very, very middle class friends say “it’s always a shame when you see someone wearing a great outfit, and then they’ve accessorised it with a crucifix. I mean, have you heard of diamonds?”

Two men doing construction work and one saying “do you want to hear my joke of the week? Finished a puzzle last night. The box said ‘2-4 years’. Reckon I’m some kind of genius, because it only took me a month.”

A very smartly dressed old woman in the bookshop looking for a book about bees, saying to the cashier “I collect bees, you know. I have about thirty. All dead, of course,” to which the cashier replied “oh no, did you have a hive collapse?” to which the old woman said “no, I just pick them up when I find them dead in the street and take them home.”

A drunk man coming out of the pub and crying “Christ, my shoelaces are untied again!” They were not, in fact, untied.

Iconic™ Kaz Brekker Moments

-’Kaz was just glad he used the damn door.”

-“You can put him in a coffeepot for all I care.”

-”Even worse, if I fail, I don’t get paid.”

-”You might actually have had to uncurl that lip and treat me with something closer to respect.”

-Ripping Oomen’s eyeball out and shoving his handkerchief in the socket.

-”I’ll just hire Matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.”

-”Hold the book up so we don’t have to look at your ugly face.” (Kaz, be nice to Jesper)

-Nina: “And I can tell you’ve never given enough thought to your haircut.”

Kaz: *runs a self-conscious hand through his hair*

(only Nina. Only Nina can make Kaz in to a seventeen year old, concerned about his haircut)

-”Jacob fucking Hertzoon”

-Talking tree jokes??????

-Matthias: “We go from aspirant to novice drüskelle in the ceremony at the sacred ash.”

Kaz: “Where the tree talks to you.”

-Kaz: “The Dregs need a better initiation (I’m over here wondering what the Dregs’ initiation is)”

Matthias: This is only one part of Hringkälla.”

Kaz: “Yes, I know, then the tree tells you the secret handshake.”

-”Of course you don’t [like speculation]. You like things you can see. Like piles of snow and benevolent tree gods.”

-Or you were dead wrong about Matthias and you’re going to pay for all those talking tree jokes

-’They blew up the lab. I definitely did not tell them to blow up the lab.’

The Types and Their Level of Scariness
  • INTJ: At first they might seem worrisome because of their intense stare and nihilistic sentiments, but all it takes is one harsh critique about something important to them and they'll crumble. Their bark is infinitely worse than their bite. Will write a series of salty "blind item" blog entries about you for months. 6/10; too passive-aggressive to be truly scary.
  • INFJ: Hard to get to know, but when they like you, they REALLY like you and you'd better not do anything to break their trust because all of those warm, fuzzy feelings will 180 into pure end-times-level wrath. If you've ever encountered an angry INFJ, you've seen the face of the devil himself. 10/10; scary af
  • ENTJ: While they're capable of verbally disemboweling someone they dislike, they won't actually come after you unless they're bored and feel like starting drama for shits and giggles. Threw a punch once and didn't like it too much. Will tell you to go choke on a bag of dicks with the biggest, brightest smile on their face. 6/10; scary only in theory
  • ENFJ: They love you so, SO much and they want you to do your absolute BEST at EVERYTHING you EVER do like REALLY really, so when you don't meet their expectations, they will get more and more assertive about you achieving your dreams (read: their dreams) until they eventually snap and stab you to death in your sleep. 9/10; file a restraining order and you might be okay.
  • INTP: Too lazy to truly get mad about anything. The only really scary thing about INTPs is their complete disregard for cleanliness. You'll find Chinese takeout boxes from six months ago covered in maggots by their bed, but you won't find nary a discouraging word coming out of their mouths. Only does damage to living things in RPGs. 2/10; scary hygiene but harmless.
  • INFP: Is someone who spends a lot of time writing poetry, getting drunk and crying hysterically about things that happened ten years ago really that scary? I mean, they'll probably throw a whiskey glass or a vase in your general direction and curse you out for a solid ten minutes, but then they'll go right back to crying in fetal position. 4/10; just walk away, dude.
  • ENTP: They'll fuck with you just for the sake of having something to do that day. They'll fuck with you sometimes for no reason whatsoever. They fuck with people because it's just in their nature. Occasionally they'll take things too far and you'll wind up in the hospital but probably never in a morgue. Might send you flowers during your hospital stay. 8/10; scary neurotic
  • ENFP: They're either your best friend or your worst enemy and there is literally no in-between. Sometimes they'll get mad at you for reasons you don't even understand. Rarely ever will they try to physically harm you, though. They'll just whine about "fake people" in their DeviantART journal and mope about for a long time before randomly deciding you're their friend again. 4/10; Super confusing but not scary.
  • ISTJ: The embodiment of "walk softly and carry a big stick". Will sit outside of your bedroom window for days with a shotgun, ready for you to make a wrong move so they can blow you to smithereens. Don't try calling the police, because they're probably a police officer or at least connected to one in some way. In other words, you're fucked. 10/10; lawful evil personified.
  • ISFJ: They love you with all their hearts but they also hate the things you do, ie "love the sin, hate the sinner". Usually harmless, but some of them quickly lose their shit when double-crossed. Might mix poison in your sweet tea and then bury you underneath a bed of roses in the backyard. Prays for your certainly-damned soul every night before supper. 7/10, only scary when provoked.
  • ESTJ: Their big mouths and intense, confrontational attitudes can put the fear of God into you, but for an ESTJ to truly be scary, they'd have to physically harm you and they don't want to jeopardize their careers over something that foolish. Will judge you hardcore from afar but that's about it. 5/10; talks shit but you won't get hit.
  • ESFJ: They're the undisputed champions of guilt-trips, and they'll guilt-trip you over things so incessantly that you might suffer a loss of self-worth in the process, which could lead to severe depression and no will to live. Will attend your post-suicide funeral in a really expensive dress and tell mourners how you could have "really been something". 6/10; scary shady
  • ISTP: No chill towards people they dislike. They will straight-up brutalize your ass in one-on-one combat and you will lose. Will put you in the hospital, wait until you've been released, and THEN put you in a morgue. Probably will laugh about killing you over cold ones with the boys for decades to come. 10/10; cold-blooded killers.
  • ISFP: There is no such thing as a scary ISFP. They might get hurt with you but they just let that shit go after a while. More likely to channel their negative feelings into an artistic outlet than something destructive. No time for pettiness or holding grudges. 0/10; anti-scary saviors
  • ESTP: Also has no chill towards people they dislike, but their hair-brained schemes at revenge are often poorly executed. Will threaten to "beat your ass" for months but won't actually do it unless they're drunk or high. Once they do get physically aggressive towards you though, you are deader than dead. 7/10; flee town before things escalate.
  • ESFP: Often incorrigibly shallow, they'll start rumors to sully the reputation of their enemies before they'd actually consider getting their hands dirty. Rarely ever starts fights but they sure do love jumping into other peoples' fights and finishing them. Will get one of their besties to film the entire beat-down and put it on Snapchat. Hair and makeup somehow stays flawless the entire time. 3/10; more petty than scary.

okay guys, i’m here for a rant because i’m exhausted of seeing posts where Leo’s intelligence is insulted or he’s the butt of the joke.
Leo Valdez is Important™
Gaea has been trying to stop Leo from becoming one of the seven since he was just a little kid. she even says that he may be the most important one of the bunch! he’s extremely intelligent, having fixed festus, saved all of their asses on multiple occasions, and lead the build of their warship. without Leo, they would have had no means of travel and quite a few of them would most likely be dead seven times over!

just because he likes to joke around and have fun DOES NOT MEAN HE IS STUPID OR UNIMPORTANT.

anonymous asked:

Can you do pretty pretty please RFA and MC the floor is lava game? Like, MC would out of nowhere be saying the floor is lava and the guys would have to find something to jump on so the lava wont get them

Hell yeah I can

Edit: V and Saeran added

“The Floor is Lava, RFA!”

Yoosung Kim

  • This game reminded him so much of his childhood and he was ecstatic when you brought it up
  • The poor boy is a disaster.
  • He is falling in fountains, out of trees, knocking over stands, it’s… bad.
  • But the smile on his face when he plays is worth it and you guys are having way too much fun to ever quit anyways
  • He is usually the one who is frantically running around since you get more of a reaction.
  • Yoosungs is always shocked and completely off guard.
  • He doesn’t give his athletic skill enough credit. He is fast
  • Which could also explain why he is always crashing and falling
  • One day you were walking with him in the halls of his college.
  • You just stopped by to pick him up and maybe get lunch after. Innocent, right?
  • “Yoosung, the floor is-”
  • “Wait- Hold on-”
  • “Lava!”
  • Yoosung panicked since there was like no where to go since the halls were all empty and clean
  • So he leaped and grabbed a hold of the exit sign and it broke
  • You guys don’t talk about it.

Zen

  • “Hyun the floor is lava.”
  • “You are so cute. It’s just warm because the sun is finally out!”
  • Zen has seen a couple of videos about it on social media but he didn’t really think too much of it. He thought the trend was dead.
  • But after telling him a couple of times, he finally realizes that you actually want to play and he is excited.
  • Out of everyone in the RFA, he is ranked 2nd on the extra scale
  • He wants to show off to you and impress you with how fast he gets onto things.
  • Constantly wanting to beat his previous time
  • So he kinda forgets the innocence and fun of the game but at least doesn’t go anywhere illegal
  • Zen likes making you jump around instead since you find the most creative spots
  • He sometimes panics because he doesn’t want you to accidentally get hurt so he avoids playing it in busy public places if possible
  • You got stuck on top of his fridge once and he couldn’t help you because he was too busy laughing
  • It’s payback for the time you laughed when his hair got caught on some tree branches. It was so tangled he thought he would have to cut it off.
  • Luckily that wasn’t the case

Jaehee Kang

  • Have you seen a grown woman in a pencil skirt and 6in heels climb a tree to impress her sweetheart? Now you have.
  • You would think she would be all flustered and embarrassed but no.
  • She is so competitive and badass no one wants to stop her
  • After working for Jumin, she has gone through many stressful / humiliating moments and learned to just be professional and confident in anything
  • The only rule is you can’t play at the coffee shop. Other than that it’s free game.
  • Jaehee just gets such a thrill trying to find something to climb something under 5 seconds.
  • She feels like a child and she loves it.
  • If she has to climb to the top of that playground with 2 seconds remaining she will.
  • When you guys go to shopping to restock or decorate the coffee shop, that’s when it gets rough.
  • She doesn’t aim to get kicked out, but if she so happens to climb on the aisle, it gets a little risky.
  • You guys have only been escorted out in one store because you accidentally knocked everything off it’s shelf.
  • Jaehee still giggles about it to this day.

Jumin Han

  • Oh dear God.
  • Everyone knows that Jumin would do literally anything for you and if swallowing his pride to play this jungle gym game every time you leave the house then so be it.
  • “Jumin! The floor is lava~!”
  • Straight face, red cheeks,  he is pushing people, and boy he is on top of that table in 5 seconds flat.
  • He holds enough power and confidence where people do not question him. That doesn’t stop all the pictures taking though.
  • Save him.
  • Jumin mostly likes it when you are the one that’s forced to run around. You look so cute with your shocked face and panicked moving.
  • This game is so fun for him. Jumin loves it because he is connecting to that inner child that never got to play ridiculous games.
  • Once he’s got the hang of it though, he is kinda brutal.
  • One time you two went to a classic party at the workplace and it was all going well until your phone alerted you with a text.
  • “I would get off the tile if I were you. It’s made out of lava.”
  • He had such a big smirk on his face when you started running towards one of the tables full of wine and champagne.
  • Sure, it was a big commotion and shocked a lot of people seeing you knock over all the drinks as you stood on the table but Jumin was silently giddy.
  • He’s proud.

Saeyoung Choi ( 707 )

  • “The floor is Lava game? This isn’t a fucking a game.” - From the man that can’t get down from a flagpole
  • Seven doesn’t play around. He goes all out and over the top.
  • You are pretty sure some of the things he does is bending the laws a little… but all is fair when the ground is lava,
  • Playing with Seven is fun for the first couple of times but then it gets a little too intense.
  • He counts in a different language each time so you don’t truly know how long you have to find higher ground.
  • You bet your ass he uses the skills from the agency.
  • “This was the true purpose of all those wall climbs, ___!”
  • Seven’s sadist side shows during these times. You could be in the most inappropriate times and he would just lean down and whisper in your ear
  • “The floor is lava, _____~.”
  • Every time you guys play he is recording you. For the internet? Just the RFA? Blackmail? Who knows.
  • He won’t let you live out the time when you guys were stuck in an elevator with Jumin and he gave you only five seconds to think of a way to get off the ground.
  • You climbed onto Jumin.
  • Save Jumin pt. 2

Saeran Choi

  • What the fuck are you doing???
  • Why are you and Saeyoung climbing onto everything??
  • He doesn’t get it and he doesn’t want to play. He is too embarrassed.
  • One time Saeran went along with it when you announced the floor is lava and he thought it would be creative if he climbed the fence
  • His foot got caught on one of the holes and he fell right back down onto the sidewalk
  • He w i l l ne v er p l a y  ag a in
  • Saeran likes to watch vines and videos of people doing it though.
  • Then they could look like an idiot and he could laugh at them instead of the other way around.
  • You look too cute when you do it though and he will tell you the floor is lava util the game becomes dead to you 
  • No joke, he might be more brutal than everyone in the RFA
  • When you just wake up with a bowl is cereal? 
  • “Hey ___…” 
  • Right after sex? 
  • “..The floor is ..”
  • At a friend’s wedding? 
  • Right before checkout? 
  • At a funeral?
  • “SAERAN CHOI!”

Jihyun Kim ( V )

  • He tries he really really does
  • Because he loves you so and you are having so much fun doing it with your friends
  • But V is like that dad that is trying too hard to fit in with his teenager, y’know?
  • He can’t go over the top or else he would accidentally hurt himself but he is all laughing and having fun so you don’t really wanna tell him to stop.
  • When V accidentally hits someone while running he will apologize and forget all about the game
  • “Haha ____! I made it right?” He says, standing on top of a low bench
  • V gets worried if you go somewhere too high and he would suggest taking it down a few notches 
  • “I was just on a tree branch, V-”
  • You guys definitely do not play to the point where you would get kicked out of places or get in trouble.
  • It’s more sweet and innocent compared to how others play 
  • You guys are giggling and jumping around 
  • He is too sweet
Running A Clever Dungeon Room...

At any time, you can throw six orcs running down a 10-foot-wide corridor at your players’ characters.

That may be a good fight for some parties, but it’s hardly clever. If the orcs suffer ranged weapon fire, not all of them will be able to reach the PCs’ front line, and none of them will be able to reach the PCs’ back line.

A clever encounter takes advantage of the monsters’ or NPCs’ capabilities and tactics. Clever creatures should spend a lot of time thinking about how they might survive an encounter with well-armed PCs.

Six orcs parked behind cover with heavy crossbows, and a gaping pit in front of them— now that might be a challenge.

Four orcs in that situation, plus two on a ledge behind the PCs might be even better. Four orcs running from a rampaging hill giant … well, you get the idea…

Here are six general strategies for maximizing effectiveness of the monsters and NPCs you throw at your PCs.

Keep reading

*sigh* Roll for penis damage. FML, a nat 20. That is a crit, so the penis gets lodged in its head. There is no way I’m adding that to the map, but just imagine that one of them has a giant penis lodged in his forehead. This is going to be a long campaign for me isn’t it? Guys, stop making dick jokes or I’m going to gender swap all of you and have Harpies scratch you.
—  Our DM, after our thief decided to cut the penis off of a dead pirate and use it as a weapon against the water based mob that killed said pirate. This was the first raid of the campaign.
Favorite Color? (Soulmate Au)

Originally posted by newtloveshisfantasticbeasts

Request: A soulmate Au where you see grey until you meet your soulmate.


The world had always been grey for (Y/n), and it would probably be grey for the rest of her life. You see (Y/n) was raised by a pure-blood family, and being a pure-blood came at a cost. They never meet their soulmate. Sure on occasions, if you were lucky, they’re betrothed was their soulmate but most of the time it never happened.

She was only 7 when she found out that most people could see in color. Which surprised her, considering her parents also only saw grey. That’s when (Y/n)’s parents explained about soulmates and how if she met hers then the world became colorful. Even then she still was okay with seeing grey for the rest of her  life.

That was until (Y/n) arrived in Illvermorny. Sure for awhile all the kids saw grey but by 5th year almost all of them could see in color. All except the pure-bloods. She tried to ignore the taunts of being called “Soulless.” or the taunts of “Hey pure-blood are you sure there’s even someone for you out there?” That’s when the hatred for grey bubbled inside her. 

It was that very blasted color that kept her from being normal. That one color. The bullying was extremely worse one day and that’s when she met the Goldsteins. 

“Hey Pure-blood you do know what color this is right?” A boy taunted waving a grey fabric in her face. No matter how hard she concentrated (Y/n) couldn’t tell, but she knew what happened if she got it wrong. Tears gathered in her eyes as she grew more and more frustrated. “Hey pure-blood I don’t hear an answer!”

“Leave her alone! She’s not bothering anyone” A voice cried out catching the group off guard. Another student, a girl, stood with her arms cross. She was a fairly tall girl with short wavy hair and a frown was on her face.

The boy huffed slightly. “Aw come on Queenie it’s just a little fun!” (Y/n) watched cautiously as the girl made her way over with a sweet smile on her face. It honestly scared (Y/n).

Queenie let out a giggle and replied,”Oh I’m sure it is, but do you want me to tell your soulmate about your other fun?” The boy’s face seemed to get paler and Queenie smirked. “That’s what I thought now run along.” Tina plopped down beside (Y/n) as the boy quickly made his get away. “Are you alright sweetie?”

(Y/n) shifted slightly and gave Queenie a thankful look. “Yea it’s pretty normal…” She mumbled fiddling with her hands.

Queenie huffed slightly shaking her head causing her curls to bounce in every direction. “Well it shouldn’t!” She turned to (Y/n) and smiled. “I’m Queenie Goldstein by the way.”

(Y/n) smiled slightly. “(Y/n) (L/n)… It’s nice to meet you…”

It seemed after that day (Y/n) no longer cared about colors. Cause when she met the Goldstein sisters she found out that not only pure-bloods got stuck seeing grey. That in fact sometimes other people met their soulmates later on in life. In fact, she had accepted that she might not meet her soulmate and decided that grey was her favorite color. That was until she met her soulmate.


(Y/n) had been slightly fidgety all day. Queenie was bringing her soulmate over to meet her along with his friend. She would have been glad for it, but this was not the week. You see (Y/n) and her parents had struck a deal a long time ago. She had 1 year to find her soul mate or else she would be married off. This was her last week to find him, but she knew that no matter what she couldn’t say no to Queenie.

So here she was in one of her nice dresses waiting for Queenie to show up. She glanced around making sure that her apartment was all set. Her great horned owl, Athena, was perched in her cage sleeping. All her papers were neatly organized on the coffee table in the living room. The flames in her fireplace were going steady and she glanced into the kitchen. the table was all set for everyone and the food was still cooking.

A small knock sounded on the door and (Y/n) was instantly at the door. “Queenie!” She exclaimed hugging the girl tightly. 

Queenie let out a laugh and pulled out of the hug. She grinned widely at the girl. “(Y/n)! It’s so good to see you!” She stepped inside and pulled a short man in with her. “(Y/n) meet Jacob my soulmate!” Queenie leaned in and whispered excitedly,”He’s also a no-maj so let’s try to keep this quiet.”

(Y/n)’s eyes widened slightly at the word “No-maj” but kept her mouth shut. She and Queenie knew the consequence of being caught… But if Queenie was happy that was all that mattered. She smiled at Jacob and held out her hand. “Nice to meet you Jacob.”

He smiled slightly. “It’s nice to meet you as well  (Y/n). Queenie speaks fondly about you…”

(Y/n) smiled slightly at the thought. She suddenly remembered something and frowned. “Hey wasn’t there supposed someone else?”

Queenie giggled and replied,”He’s outside the door… He’s just a little shy” She took Jacob’s hand and sang, “Come on Newt. She won’t bite.”

(Y/n) watched as a tall man came into view. His curly hair covering his eyes as he stared at the ground. He was carrying a slightly beat up suitcase as well. “Hello I’m-.” The moment his eyes met hers a pain shot through her skull.

That’s when she saw it. At first she didn’t know how to describe it. It was the most beautiful color she had ever seen and almost immediately the name clicked. She was staring into his green eyes. That moment she decided at that very moment that green was her favorite color. His eyes were wide in shock.

“Newt? (Y/n)?” Jacob’s voice pulled the two back from their moment. ‘Are you two alright?”

(Y/n) let out a small laugh and turned to them again. Queenie instantly noticed the sparkle in her eyes. (Y/n) grinned and replied, “Yea Jacob perfectly fine.”

Newt stepped beside her and hesitantly took her hand. “I guess I should introduce you to my Soulmate,” Newt joked sending a flutter of butterflies through (Y/n).

Soulmate…. (Y/n) smiled softly at the word. I could love this….


HEY GUYS I’M BACK FROM THE DEAD! That’s right I’m back I have finally been inspired and it’s about time! Also any valentines day ideas would be awesome! Anyways this is my longest one I’m pretty sure so I hope you like it!s

A Very Potter Musical

Just finished AVPM and i have compiled a list of things i loved about it.

  • “I love you all. Except you Draco, I can’t fucking stand you”
  • The kick line in To Dance Again
  • Draco rolling around everywhere his main form of transportation apparently
  • Quirrell/Voldemort (b)romance
  • Pigfarts
  • Ron never being seen without some form of junk food
  • Zefron poster
  • Tbh just Draco in general, Lauren did an amazing job
  • “Okay there’s only one thing we can do: we gotta fight” “UGH I’m tired. Can’t we just be death eaters?” 
  • Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders!
  • Dumbledore’s space suit when he and rumbleroar go to pigfarts
  • Draco’s crush on Hermione (tbh i’ve shipped dramione since i finished deathly hallows. this musical series is just a dream come true for us dramione shippers)
  • The Dragon Song; I sing it to my own dragon every once in a while lol
  • “Try a little slice of remorse pie”
  • Voldemort getting all sad, nostalgic and remorseful about Quirrell when Harry asks him if there’s even one person he misses, but then…
  • “NO! Jokes on you Potter! I don’t care about anybody!” “I know, that’s what makes you such a piece of shit”
  • Ron putting Voldemorts super long wand (compensating for anything, Voldy? lol) in his headband after voldy’s dead
  • Dumbledore’s will lmao 
  • Voldemort coming back to see Quirrell because there’s still a part of him in Quirrell’s heart
  • “so you came back?” “no, quirrell, I came home”
  • “you think killing people might make them like you, but it doesn’t. it just makes them dead” 

this list got a lot longer than i thought it would. needless to say, AVPM is timeless. i loved it rewatching it now just as much as i did the first time i watched it. The jokes are still good, the music is still catchy and amazing (tbh i already knew that; i listen to the soundtrack at least once a month). 10/10

Warframe personalities from how I see them, by my first glance at them.

Heads up, this is a long post. Enjoy~!

Ash: Aloof mofo with a stabbing habit. could rob you of all your money in texas hold ‘em. Too much damn side eye. Kills everyone is the room, then breaks for coffee like nothing happened. Ninja who steals the last slice of cake from the fridge.

Atlas: would kick your ass then be your best bro. is dead inside? somewhat likely but can’t tell anymore. makes shitty jokes. I get he’s a one punch man stone golem, but c’mon, the guy gives pretty good hugs.

Banshee: Resting bitch face, but is sound sensitive so she has a reason. Most likely up to god knows what hours listening to music enjoying synethesia sensations. Knows a thing or two about where to find the best obscure books. Caring protective friend.

Chroma: Moody guy who just wants some fucking peace and quiet. Hoards things like trophies from kills, bet this guy has so many hunting trophies? ffs, his ult is a dragon pelt, might as well be a dragon! Really good at pissing off people without even trying.

Ember: Sassy friend wants all the tea. Best booty to boot. You see that guy over there? He’s on fire. She fucking murdered him with sick comebacks. Don’t get me wrong though, she might like her bacon crispy but she’s a pretty loyal friend. Probably would come get your ass for a revive with intent to raze the fucking field with wildfire.

Equinox: Calm balanced friend??? Has two sides she shows to different people, everyone who talks to her might find something different about her. Likes keeping a lot of houseplants in her room in the dojo. Courteous and polite and gives the best backhanded compliments under a pleasant facade.

Excalibur: Average Joe. Good at a lot but not the best, really doesn’t give his best. Very athletic. rushes through missions impatiently. Might play too many hack’n’slash games in his spare time.

Frost: Stoic, quiet, probably has some thought going on at all times. Reads a lot of mythology from before the orokin era. Procrastinates and stalls for his buddies while holding down the fort. solid person to talk to if you need someone to listen.

Hydroid: The guy has enough mentions about tentacle porn, it’s safe to say he’s hoarding a hentai stash somewhere. or people assume. just a guy who loves the water, could talk for days about fish and where to find all the best seafood restaurants. has had enough people mentioning pirates around him. has a good, hearty laugh.

Inaros: Tired, always fucking tired. Sleep? I’ll sleep when I’m dead. if you can kill me, that is. Mmm. nom. Corpus tastes metallic. Grineer tastes like really bad slimy chicken. I’m not sharing what infested taste like. Shields? What the heck is that? Appreciates old architecture and hoards ayatan statues.

Ivara: Sneaky sneaky~ I got an arrow for just about any job. Just because i am a cyclops doesn’t mean i don’t have depth perception, dumbass. Carefree happy lady, fun to talk to. Makes lots of banter with teammates on missions.

Limbo: Trolls might love this guy, why doesn’t he have a fedora helmet yet? I’ve not seen enough Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure to know what those references mean. He’s a real gentleman, very inquisitive. He’s a scientist? Aw, cool. Prolly spacing out while carousing through the rift, thinking about his next project.

Loki: The Cheeseframe is what people call him. Knows where all the loot is, all the time. Giggling and pulling pranks 24/7. Can do shit effortlessly and stares at his team wondering why the fuck the had to trigger the damn alarm in a mission. Also, hammerhead shark. This guys likes playing card games too.

Mag: In a state of calm and panic at the same time. Doesn’t show much though. Magnetic personality? Could crush your heart in a minute. Has a good taste in interior design, rather good at art deco/ industrial. Has some walls to get through before befriending her, but melts like a marshmellow when ya do.

Mesa: 360 no scope!!! It’s high noon! okay, now that’s out of the way, let’s keep going. Keeps an orderly schedule, off doing solo missions all the time. Loves a good movie, could talk about her favorite film for hours. Deserts are dry? So is her humor. Would shoot you without even thinking.

Mirage: You thought Loki’s pranks were bad? At least her enemies get these night mare shows and not you. This chick loves horror films, special effects make up and disco. Pretty good at good at lighting up the room and your smile. She really just wants a good time, okay?

Nekros: Sick mofo who tells dead baby jokes. Has some interesting kinks. Rarely eats, if ever. Would look you dead in the eye and try to tell you bad puns seriously as possible. Has seen the dead walk again, thinks they’re best buddies. good guy to go to a graveyard with.

Nezha: Srsly good looking.. guy? girl? oh idc he can be genderfluid and i’d still think he’s attractive. Got serious hula skills. Never takes himself seriously and just loves going for long missions. Knows a thing or two about culture, rather classy guy but can be a bit childish. Never really grew up, but you don’t notice that behind the charm.

Nidus: This is the I-don’t-give-a damn guy. He wrecks everything he touches, spreads space aids, yet his personality is far from cancer. Very good with animals. A bit messy. Too many damn things talking in his head from the infested and ignores them like a champ. They bend to his will.

Nova: A Good Egg, if slightly cracked. Giggles at the mention of inane words. Everything explodes!!! ADHD in a frame. Good natured wholesome friend who loves everyone. Bad habit of breaking appliances and electronics. Geiger counters near her start playing Imagine Dragon’s Radioactive?

Nyx: Look at this frame. You took a good warframe and gave it anxiety, sheesh. Shy, kinda hard to deal with hearing everyone’s thoughts sometimes. ain’t got time for your drama. Loves talking about current events, but not much of a gossip out of respect for others. giant personal space bubble, do not touch!

Oberon: Royal pain in the ass, but a lovable doofus so you kinda just let it go. Very protective dad friend, complete with dad jokes. Probably would like to finish your sandwich if you’re not gonna eat it. Would open his home to you if you needed a couch to surf on.

Octavia: This girl loves all music, could help you find just the mix you were looking for. Got sick dance moves too. Might have been in band. Would happily binge watch any tv show with you and discuss everything about it. You don’t know what so charming about her, but you really like her so you always accept her invites. Had a bad habit of fidgeting.

Rhino: This guy could bench press a grineer ship in one hand and corpus ship in the other. you don’t move out of his way, he runs you over, simple as that. gym rat, for sure. somewhat impatient. watches way too many superhero blockbusters and devours the comics. Mows down the entire enemy wave just get your sorry bleeding ass back up and fighting again.

Saryn: Oh, good lotus, this chick has got good looks and a deadly touch. Cunning girl could outsmart anyone. Low key annoyed in general. Would back stab you without a thought, given a reason. Knows a lot about cooking. I mean, if you’re going to poison someone or at least know how to work in the biolab you should probably know how this type of chemistry works. dodges responsibility a lot tho.

Titania: flighty as fuck, gets startled easily. graceful; she has good fashion sense. you have no idea where she came from in the room. fairy tales are definitely her thing, but happy endings really aren’t true with that state of things right now in the solar system. too many butterflies, but is fine with it since they help her stay calm. Actually really good at flying archwings, I think?

Trinity: First one to rush into the fight, last one to leave until everyone is okay. Is the Mom friend. Likes to be helpful. Rather much a bitch to those she hates. She may have an open heart, but don’t walk all over this girl. Cross her once, shame on you. Cross her twice, she leaves you for dead on eris, end of story.

Valkyr: Look, she’s been through some shit, has ptsd, the very least you can do is give her a cat plushie and your support, okay? Gets angry easily and has meltdowns. She’s not a pushover. She knows what’s best, she can endure. semi serious, jokes fly over her head. it may take a bit for her to like you. literally a cat frame, you don’t know love until you’ve been loved by a cat.

Vauban: Forget Limbo being a troll. This is THE trollframe. Went to college for engineering, came back out a smart ass. Don’t loan money to him, he prolly won’t pay ya back. Pretty good drinking buddy tho. Reads a shit ton of shakespear to know what that sense of humor really is. Shit poster, meme hoarder extrordinaire. you can have a grenade! And you can have a grenade! YOU ALL CAN HAVE GRENADES!

Volt: Impeccable taste mixed with sharp commentary. Why does he have a helmet that’s a boob? maybe he has a high schooler’s sense of humor? would be honest with you and tell you straight up what needs to be done. This guy likes expensive suits. Has a tendency to be impulsive.

Wukong: Has loads of stories to tell. Good memory. Can comeback from just about any setback. determined and will happily grind with you in missions for hours. Also pretty damn stubborn and doesn’t listen well to others, kinda has to speak first.

Zephyr: Life’s a breeze here, right? Kinda goes with whatever and has a hard time deciding on things. Kinda clumsy too. Crashes raids and blows away the enemy. Usually minds her own business with her head in the clouds.

andreil soulmate au where the name on neil’s arm is burned off of him before he’s old enough to read. the name on andrew’s, covered in scars, is the name neil was born with, and everything’s a mess (because it’s andrew and neil, of course it is)

neil doesn’t see andrew’s mark for the longest time and when he does he almost has a fucking heart attack. andrew thinks he’s freaking out about the scars for a second and then he sees where Neil’s looking, at those black letters on pale skin, and that’s when he starts to guess about neil, even if it takes a while to get confirmation

later on they get tattoos together. neil gets andrew’s name redone because that should’ve been his, he should’ve had that name with him his whole life, and andrew gets “nathaniel wesninski” covered because that’s not who neil is anymore. on his other arm he gets neil’s name, first middle last. the tattoo artist is stupid enough to assume they’re some non-bonded couple that won’t really last, asking them over and over if they’re sure. he tries to joke with neil about stealing andrew away from his real soulmate and neil gives him a sharp smile and tells him that nathaniel wesninski is dead.

(neil’s secretly fucked up in love over the fact that andrew got his tattoo redone with neil’s permanent name because no one else is really gonna see it, since andrew never wears short sleeves. but andrew did it anyway because he sees the way neil freezes every time he sees his old name)

the minyard josten rivalry lasts all of about 45 seconds before someone’s like “yo josten has andrew’s name on his fucking arm” (they don’t see andrew’s so they still have to speculate a little but neil doesn’t hide his. he doesn’t go around flaunting it either, but he doesn’t exactly make it hard on them)

Dating Carl Grimes would include: (Alexandria edition)

Dating Carl Grimes would include: (Alexandria edition)
-you giving him man buns and braiding his hair
- in response him getting self consious about his hair not covering up his eye but you reassure him That he is perfect
-bringing each other things each of you like from runs when you can
- going over the wall
-Rick and michonne accidentally walking in on makeout sessions
- leading to them joking about it throughout the day
-shitty eye puns
- whilst you and Carl watch Judith, people make jokes about being parents.
- wearing his flannels to bed
- wearing his hat whenever you can
- dedicating a day for your anniversary because both of you can’t remember when it actually was
-during meetings you both are always secretly making silly faces at one another
- getting dating advice from Glenn and Maggie
- Rick akwardly sitting you both down for ‘the talk’

Big Game. [Lacrosse Week Smut]

A;N: I want to formally apologise that it has been so long. Y’all have been so patient and I love you guys! Anyways, this is for the wonderful @sarcasticallystilinski and @rememberstilinski ‘s Lacrosse Week! I hope y’all are ready. xoxo

Pairing: StilesStilinskixOC

Author: thelittlestkitsune

Warnings: Filth.

Word count: 5,933

Listen to me.

Originally posted by dylanobrienthingss

Keep reading

There is a part of me that sees them both when they are with another as sort of a wounded child. It’s like sometimes I see them when they joke together, or they’re happy together, or they’re sharing smokes together, or arguing together, being nitpicky together. I just see like Daryl could have reverted to that wounded child on the porch at the reunion, and I sometimes I see Carol the same way, like a little girl almost, younger. I think it is they’re wounded children, really get one another. I don’t see her becoming a mother to him at all. I see her becoming that wounded friend.
—  Melissa McBride on Carol and Daryl’s relationship (Mar 12, 2017)

I found it fascinating how the Famethyst seemed to have no problems with letting The Rebels™ escape with the two humans most recently brought in. And the entire reason for it seemed to be Amethyst. She was one of them, therefore they were on her side. No questions asked. 

It really makes Peridot’s statement that Quartzes are huge, loyal soldiers all the more interesting. Because it adds this layer of just who the Quartzes are most loyal too. It seems like, given the pack mentality Quartzes seem to have, that they are loyal to their “pack” first and foremost. Amethyst is from Prime, she is part of the pack. Hell, they even mentioned how they were waiting for Amethyst to pop out. Its that important to them. 

Holly Blue being an abusive ass to them probably aided them in their decision to go “fuck it, let them go” as much as Amethyst being one of the rebels did. 

It was great to see Amethyst connect with that. To find others like her and to learn that they are just as happy to see her as she was to see them. 

And if that’s a trait that applies to all Quartzes, even if Skinny joked that Amethyst’s were so clicky, then the Betas would be happy to see Jasper aswell. She is part of their pack. 

Its also a bit saddening to remember that that is what Jasper has lived her life without. She is without her pack and probably thinks they are all dead. Most likely all alone with an Agate supervisor who was verbally and physically abusive (Jasper’s self-hatred didn’t come from nowhere). 

no offence but if i see you on that “Pray for Ariana!” shit, imma block u so fast, Ariana wasn’t even in the building when it happened, Ariana is alive and well, Ariana is gonna go back to her hotel room tonight and go to bed and wake up tomorrow. She don’t need ur prayers, but the families of the 19 dead people do, whose loved ones went out today and won’t ever come home, the 50+ people that went out to see their fave and got injured in an explosion do, the kids stranded in Manchester without their parents or a way of contacting them do, pls get some fuckin perspective

2

Daryl & Jesus -> “Wanna see ya smile again, prick.”

It has been a whole week since Paul came back from his last run. Daryl hasn’t seen him smile since. Something must’ve happened out there, but he just won’t talk about it. It bothers Daryl, it really does. He misses that little prick’s laugh, even those stupid jokes. Daryl knows, he’s the one who should talk to Paul, but the thing is just..how? Even though they were more than just friends for quite a while now, Daryl still has no idea how to do all this couple-crap. Still, he’s trying. He’d do anything to see that smile again.