the joke is that eren is german

I just found out that in the German language it’s common to use names of animals as terms of endearment for loved ones.


goddamn these vampires

Eren’s apologetic as he withdraws from his neck. He kisses the marks he leaves behind, eyes wide and green. “Sorry,” he says, tonguing at blood left over on his lips. He catches a drop rolling down his chin with the back of his hand. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he says, replacing Eren’s mouth with his hand and hissing. He winces, muttering ow, checking his hand and frowning at the red blood that clings to his palm.

Eren still looks guilty. He kisses under Jean’s chin with a sticky mouth. 

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Levi's Shitty Jokes
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b>Levi:</b> What do you call Eren with a bunch of sheep?<p/><b>Eren:</b> .......<p/><b>Levi:</b> A German Shepherd<p/><b>Eren:</b> Isn't that a dog?<p/><b>Eren:</b> ..............<p/><b>Eren:</b> Wait a fucking minute.<p/><b></b> ~•~<p/><b>Levi:</b> Sit the fuck down!<p/><b>Eren:</b> *sits*<p/><b>Levi:</b> Bitches do what they are told.<p/><b>Eren:</b> Bitch is a female dog though.<p/><b>Eren:</b> ...........<p/><b>Eren:</b> Hold the fuck up.<p/></p><p/><b></b> ~•~<p/></p><p/><b></b><p/><b>Eren:</b> Alright, I suck at mimicking you. Your turn.<p/><b>Levi:</b> Woof.<p/><b>Eren:</b> That's a dog.<p/><b>Eren:</b> ..........<p/><b>Eren:</b> Sweet mother of Teresa not this shit again........<p/><b></b> ~•~<p/><b>Levi:</b> I have to go to the meeting. Be a good boy and sit. *pats Eren's head*<p/><b>Eren:</b> okay<p/><b>Eren:</b> ........<p/><b>Eren:</b> GOT DAMMIT<p/><b></b> ~•~<p/><b>Eren:</b> Ugh! I hate cats! They freak me out.<p/><b>Levi:</b> I understand baby, it's in your nature to hate them.<p/><b>Eren:</b> FOR FUCKS SAKES LEVI ACKERMAN<p/></p>

Imagine everyone being really concerned because Eren and Jean haven’t really talked or been seen together in a week. At first they think both of them are just busy and have gotten themselves stuck in different schedules, as sometimes happens, but then it goes on four days without talking, and then six, and then over a week, and everyone starts worrying that The Big One (A moniker for the fight that will result in Eren and Jean killing each other, which is kind of an in-joke but might be more realistic than they thought) hit and they’ve broken up. Armin decides to breach the subject gently, sits down next to Eren while he’s hanging around his apartment one day, and mumbles, “So…you and Jean.” Eren rolls his eyes, scowls, and mutters, “Don’t talk to me about that asshole.” It’s like something sharp has pierced Armin’s chest, and he sighs in sympathy. “Oh, Eren. What happened?” Eren stares at Armin for a minute, huffs, and mutters, “We haven’t spoken since Germany beat France in the World Cup because Jean is a sore fucking loser and apparently singing the German National Anthem at the top of my lungs was going too far and now I’m not allowed in his apartment until the World Cup is over or Germany is disqualified. But it’s his fault; he’s the one that hung French fucking flags all over his apartment, and—“ Eren continues ranting, but Armin rolls his eyes so hard that he’s surprised they don’t get stuck in the back of his head, huffs, and walks out the door. After he tells everyone what the fight is about, everyone mysteriously stops caring. A few weeks later he hears that Eren and Jean make up at two o’clock in the morning after Jean walks halfway across town in the middle of the night with a Team Germany shirt on and shows up on Eren’s doorstep and they collapse into each other’s arms—or something of that effect, Armin doesn’t listen to the entire story before he’s walking away once again.