the joke is humans

Re: the bisexual Season 2 Character.

there is a H U G E difference between having an LGBT+ character being a villain, a pervert or a one-line joke, and having them be an ACTUAL HUMAN BEING

and in the same way, don’t give us those gay saviours - someone who is effortlessly perfect, entirely untouchable, beautiful and wonderful.

GIVE US PEOPLE, MAX. People who just HAPPEN to be bisexual. PLEASE.

So Brinda Basu, my human chaotic OC, was based on a few key ideas that act as the main foundation of her character.

-What if you had a person who is in some regards incredibly privileged but in other regards is incredibly disadvantaged

-A character to represent the M’arrillians, in the same way, the other main 4 kids represent the other main tribes

-A female character who can be soft and feminine without it being portrayed as a weakness or something she necessarily needs to grow out of in order to survive

-Showing the experiences of a low support autistic women who doesn’t know she even has autism

and lastly…

-What if monster fuckers found out about Perim being a real place?

i’d rather die than uncritically align myself with any political/social/economic movement like there’s no ‘pure’ or ‘flawless’ ideology. socialism, communism, whatever the fuck else, they can be easily manipulated and used as a tool of oppression and to blindly believe that just because someone proclaims themselves to be part of of these alternatives to capitalism they’re somehow morally superior is a fucking joke. human lives come first, always. and if your politics do not center human lives as the most important thing then you’re doing nothing. absolutely nothing. you’re not as good or compassionate a person as you think you are. 

What if a lot of alien species didn’t actually evolve as pack species, and just adapted to living in communities out of necessity? So they can still work and live together, but they don’t have all the little instincts humans have that help them work in a group.

And they are freaked out by us.

We all wear the same clothes. It’s not a uniform— we just somehow all seem to like roughly the same outfits. We fit in so naturally with the people around us that you can use a human’s clothing to tell what country and what time period they are from. Aliens have no idea how we know what clothes are appropriate— they end up having to hire humans to act as fashion consultants after several incidents where diplomats showed up wearing mismatched clothes from various time periods and countries and looking totally ridiculous.

And what about yawning? Aliens who work on human ships say they never fully get used to hearing one human yawn and then having the whole room start yawning along with them. Or telling a joke to one human and seeing humans who say they don’t find the joke that funny cracking up anyway because “their laugh is so infectious!” It’s a common practical joke to tell new nonhuman crew members about this horrible disease humans get, where they feel tired and have an uncontrollable urge to open their mouths. It’s deadly, they say, and very contagious.

New safety procedures have to be worked out for the humans because, on the one hand, you don’t have to go around telling each individual to leave. Humans will just follow the mob. On the other hand, though, you have to be careful not to spread panic, because if one human runs, they all will, and they’ll trample anyone who isn’t fast enough to stay ahead.

Aliens hear humans tell their kids not to give into peer pressure and just get really confused. “Why would they do it if they don’t want to?”

“Because their friends are telling them to do it!”

“But why do it just because they’re telling them to do it?”

“Because they’re their friends!”

“What does that have to do with anything?”


When aliens see earth movies about people being indoctrinated or turned into zombies, it takes them a while to realise that these are horror movies because, from their perspective, that’s just what humans are like.

hey yall just a gentle reminder now that the boys are on twitter and september is tomorrow

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT tweet Green Day jokes about waking up when September ends.

That song is about the death of Billie Joe’s father, and jokes like are rude and insensitive.

I assure you that they’ve seen every iteration of those jokes, and they don’t appreciate them.

Let’s make this a year where they’re not bombarded by jokes about an emotional, sad song

BE A DECENT HUMAN

This has been a psa

okay, i was in the car with my sisters (who are both cishet), and one of them asked, “how lgbt friendly is our town?”

i responded immediately with, “not at all,” at the same time my other sister responded with, “well, it’s not *that* friendly.”

i was asked by both of them as to why i was insisting that no, our town (which is extremely small and can be summed up by the school, btw) is not lgbt friendly. i told them that so many kids threw around the f and d slurs, as well as calling people gay as an insult, and also, they make those “did you just assume my gender/i identify as an attack helicopter” jokes. keep in mind, i’m genderfluid and a lesbian, so yeah, these things are both *pretty* harmful to me. (granted, i’m not out to my family, so them not listening to what i had to say wasn’t (too much of) a problem, but that’s not the point.)

my other sister, who said that our town was *kind of* lgbt friendly, said, “well, yeah, but you’re going to find that in every school. what i mean is that no one - or at least most people - is going to get turned away for being gay.”

and you know what?

no.

throwing around homophobic and lesphobic slurs and making homophobic and transphobic jokes is not “lgbt friendly,” no matter how normal it is. these things harm lgbt kids (i.e., me), and drive anyone who wants to come out further into the closet. i’m out as a lesbian to all my friends, but i would never dream of coming out as genderfluid to them, and you know why? it’s because they laughed at (not even made - laughed at) those “did you just assume my gender?” jokes. i’m fucking petrified of being myself around others because of these jokes. (goddamn jokes).

so no, our town is not lgbt friendly. i don’t give a shit that *most* people won’t get kicked out of their homes for being gay. as long as gay, trans, and nonbinary kids are being ostracized and pushed into the closet, our town is not lgbt friendly.

if you aren’t lgbt, you need to hold yourself to *way* higher standards than you are now. just because you wouldn’t kill your friend for being gay doesn’t mean you’re a good ally. if you throw around slurs (yes, even jokingly), if you call people gay as an insult, or if you make any of the “attack helicopter” jokes, you’re a shitty ally and an even shittier human.

(yes, cishets can reblog this - in fact, it’s encouraged.)

the raw powerful concept…. of magnus and lucretia having a brother sister bond….. they were both around the same age when they joined the ipre altho lucretia was probably a little bit older, maybe 20 to magnus’ 18… magnus in a bar in yr 40 being like ‘and a glass of wine for my sister’…lucretia in yr 83 cheering ‘thats my brother!!’ when magnus does something cool in a fight….inside jokes..its a human thing taako you wouldnt understand (theyre taking about stuffing marshmellows into ur mouth until you run out of space)…lucretia loving how safe she feels with magnus around… magnus loving lucretia’s strategic mind esp in fights bc it controls his impulsiveness…lucretia keeps the one free backrub coupon magnus gave her on candlenights bc it truly is the nightmare scenario since a backrub coupon used 2 be a gag gift between them on their birthdays and he doesnt even remember

what if there were aliens that looked exactly like humans except their ears and nose and fingers were an abnormal color. 

like, there’s some alien who is all tinted in blue, and you are like, “what are you?” 

and the alien is like, “I’m a human.” 

and then you’re like, “no you’re not.” 

but then you notice the way that they pronounced it. the way that they put the emphasis in a different place. they’re not a human, but a hue-man

  • So everyone is talking about how weirded out Solas was by the Dawn Will Come scene but has anyone considered...
  • Lavellan: [doesn't believe in the Maker or Andraste saving her, literally says how she survived Haven on her own]
  • Mother Giselle: Shadows fall and hope has fled
  • Lavellan: Wh - I don't - [looks around] What is she -
  • Leliana: The shepherd's lost
  • Lavellan: Leliana? You too?
  • Random scouts: The dawn will come
  • Lavellan: What
  • Cullen: And the path is dark
  • Lavellan: Is - is this some kind of weird human ritual? You're all from totally different backgrounds and corners of Thedas, how do you all know this song?!
  • Literally everyone from Haven: For one day soon the dawn will come
  • Lavellan: I - Mythal forfend, why am I being surrounded?!
  • Literally everyone from Haven: [bowing and singing]
  • Lavellan: Oh gods is this some kind of sacrificial ritual
  • Lavellan: Roderick just died and no one noticed but Dorian because you're all still singing
  • Lavellan: Does this mean I'm next?!
  • Solas: [walks toward the circle looking very confused]
  • Lavellan: Solas you know more about humans than me
  • Lavellan: Tell me this isn't a blood sacrifice thing
  • Lavellan: Solas
  • Lavellan: Solas help
What’s in a meme?

okay, so more on the humans are weird tag, I’m thinking of doing one of my own every day what do you think? anyway todays is, yep you guessed it: memes.
not necessarily just memes though, just jokes in general. memes were just my starting thought, but hey, let’s go from what seems like the logical start.
How weird are human jokes? Like, we have some which just don’t make sense, like i don’t know if anyone else has seen that “No, two goat is too much” post [that probably doesn’t make sense to anyone else but i know what joke I’m talking about] but even if you don’t know that post i’m sure you’ve seen them around, those posts that make ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE, but you laugh ridiculously hard at.

another type of jokes: puns. why do we find them funny??? don’t get me wrong, i love them, but why? I’ve been thinking about it for a solid two minutes and i can’t even come up with an accurate definition of puns. in times like this i often turn to google:
pun: a joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words which sound alike but have different meanings
like honestly, we just went “Hey, these two words sound similar but mean two completely different things, that’s hillarious!”k knock

Some of our jokes don’t even have answers! like what’s that about?
And what about the jokes that aren’t even jokes, like why did the chicken cross the road? imagine how confused they’d be
and what about knock knock jokes? i’d probably go something like this:
Human: hey Jeff, knock knock

Alien: Why are you knocking, isn’t knocking something done, not something verbally spoken, have i misunderstood the concept of knocking?
Human: No. no, no, not at all, it’s a joke
Alien: a… joke?

Human: yeah, I say knock knock, and then you say who’s there. after that I’ll answer and you repeat what i said but with who on the end, and then i answer that. do you get it.

Alien, I believe i understand human!Jack, you will knock i will ask who is there, you shall say your name and i shall ask you to clarify. is a joke a training exercise of some kind? a way to make sure we answer in an apropriate way?

Human: no, not really, like I won’t reply with my name, i’ll reply with something else
Alien: Ah! so we are always open to new names and outcomes, genius!

Human: Erm, no not exactly, let’s let’s just try it
Alien: Excelent, I am excited!

Human: knock knock:

Alien: Who is there?

Human: Isabelle

Alien: Isabelle who?

Human: Is the bell broken? i had to knock!

Alien: What a wonderful name, do please come in Isabelle broken i had to knock.

Human:…

Alien: What a wonderful exercise, we should do these “jokes” more often! [walks away]
Human: …

yeah, you see how it might get confusing.

alright, now it’s time to get to what I’m sure is the reason you’re here: memes.
memes make no sense, and you might think that would go under non-sensical jokes, but what more got me thinking, was how memes die. like, after a wile, a meme just dies out, everyone moves on and people don’t really think of them as funny anymore, what’s with that? like maybe they’ll think jokes are a seasonal thing just imagine:
Alien: Ah, yes i saw one of those “Forcefully removed” jokes the other day, and i brought it here to show you
Human: Oh, those aren’t funny anymore.
Alien: Oh, is this one not up to par?

Human: no, not that, just all of them

Alien: but it was before?

Human: Yeah, those were the shit a few months ago

Alien: Then why stop? is it seasonal? do jokes have a cycle? Is it because it’ aimed at different age groups?
Human: no, none of that, it just is.

Alien: …

anyway, not very well explained, but you get my point.

now Imagine a crew that’s pretty used to the humans, they can differentiate between jokes and serious, a few of them get the jokes even, they enjoy the jokes. then imagine one of the crew members likes dark humour, maybe they start telling anti jokes

Human: hey, wanna hear a joke?

Alien: Ooh, yes!

Human: A man walks into a bar

Alien: ooh, i love these ones

Human: His alcoholism is ruining his life and his family is falling apart.

Alien: wait what

as i said, human humour is weird. tomorrow, I’ll get into fashion.

All these pewdiepie fans saying, “Words just slip out when you’re mad.”

Like… yeah but not the N-word… Typically the words that slip out when you’re worked up are words that are already in your regular vocabulary. The *only* non-black people for whom the N-word “slips out” are, you guessed it, racists.

Because it’s 2017, and the internet exists and there is no WAY you wouldn’t know that the N-word is off limits. You should ESPECIALLY be aware of this fact if you work in entertainment, reach a global audience, and have *already* gotten in trouble for your #edgelord anti-semitic “jokes”.

Like how can you all still be like, “He’s human. It was a mistake!” If someone makes that kind of “mistake” multiple times, it’s no longer a mistake. It’s clearly a facet of who they are and not something they’re intent on changing. If he ACTUALLY cared about these kinds of “mistakes”, he’d be working a lot harder to make sure they didn’t happen in the first place. “I’m sorry” is worthless if you don’t fix your garbage behavior.

Humans are Weird - EVB

Aliens finally visit the death-world itself only to discover humans are about to encourage a Galaxy-wide tourist boom.
__________________

Earth was off-limits.

For all the many worlds and species found within and between them, this was a line held by all. Earth, and the humans that called it home, was just too dangerous and unpredictable.

It didn’t stop the humans from spreading though. They found their way onto ships and spaceports. Treaties, codes of conduct, and guidebooks followed in their wake to help the civilizations they encountered to cope with their presence. In time, most came to view their oddities an acceptable trade-off to their durability, flexibility, and overall tenaciousness.  All races could agree that humans were an asset to their ships and crew.

But Earth itself was still off-limits.

Oh, it wasn’t for lack of trying on the humans’ part. They were perpetually inviting their ship-mates to come to their home-world. Most often to indulge in one of the numerous and varied ‘holidays’ that most non-terrains gave up on trying to make sense of long ago.

For most intelligent and civilized species, humans themselves were enough proof that no one should set foot, tentacle, or exoskeleton on the planet known as Earth. However, as with all reasonably agreed upon ideas, someone was bound to cross the line.

It started simply enough. A new ruler from the Tralnex nebula, seeking to solidify their own position, and gain some interstellar bragging points, requested a visit. The Tralnexian was welcomed with open arms and treated to the very best of all that Earth had to offer in lavish locations, cultural experiences, and exquisite cuisine. Holo-ads of the trip could soon be seen everywhere, all proudly sponsored by the Earth Visitation Bureau. It was the scandal of the century.

While normally such flamboyant occurrences tended to burn themselves out, there was soon a noticeable shift in inter-species relations. Humans were requesting in droves to serve on Tralnexian ships. Often declining more prestigious opportunities to wait for a position to become available on the most humble Tralnex freighter.

Finally a Scrayackien captain, desperate to sign at least one human onto his crew before traveling through a particularly precarious pirate-infested galaxy asked. “What is it with you humans and your sudden fascination with the Tralnexians?”

The human just shrugged, waving a newly sealed work contract towards their new Tralnex crewmates. “They just seem more, I dunno…” the human smiled with an amused glint in their eye, “…down to earth.”

The EVB was inundated with requests within the hour.