the internet was so weird man


  • ❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞
  • ❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞
  • ❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞
  • ❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞
  • ❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞
  • ❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞
  • ❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞
  • ❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞ 
  • ❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞
  • ❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞
  • ❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞
  • ❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞
  • ❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞
  • ❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞
  • ❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞
  • ❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞
  • ❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS.
  • ❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞
  • ❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞
  • ❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞
  • ❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞
  • ❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞
  • ❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞
  • ❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞
  • ❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞
  • ❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞
  • ❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞ 
  • ❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞ 
  • ❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞
  • ❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞ 
  • ❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞ 
  • ❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞ 
  • ❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞
  • ❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞
  • ❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞
  • ❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞ 
  • ❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞
  • ❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞ 
  • ❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞
  • ❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞ 
  • ❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞
  • ❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞
  • ❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞   
  • ❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞
  • ❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞ 
  • ❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞ 
  • ❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞
  • ❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞
  • ❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞ 
  • ❝ Could you imagine if you unlocked outfits in real life? Like, “Congratulations you wiped your ass, here’s a new shirt.” ❞
What your fave creature/cryptid says about you
  • Sasquatch: No friends
  • Yeti: 6/10 chance you're in the sciences
  • Unicorn: Is either super gay or has a Gay Best Friend
  • Jersey Devil: Awake at 3 am watching robot chicken reruns
  • Alien: So Aesthetic, likes weird sex
  • Skinwalkers: What the fuck. Honestly, honestly, what the fuck is wrong with you
  • Vampire: Has a hot topic card and internalized misogyny
  • Angels: Either way into religion or way into like, Supernatural. Whichever, stay away from me
  • Mothman: Likes internet trends, may have a foot fetish but wouldn't say
  • Skunk ape: Definitely has a foot fetish
  • Loch Ness Monster: You watched Glee for more seasons than you should have
  • Goat man: Tried and failed to get your friends to go to haunted locations with you
  • Werewolf: Furry, obvs

anonymous asked:

what's... what's the difference between owning and acquiring a ferret

owning: keith contacts a weird dude on the internet and a few months later comes home w a lil bed and scratching post and a ferret wearing a collar

acquiring: one day keith came home only to hear weird scuffling noises in his kitchen. he immediately pulled out his knife and checked out the situation, only to find a ferret digging through his cereal cabinet. keith warily eyed the ferret and debated moving it, but the ferret ignored him to continue eating shiro’s shitty old man cereal, so keith just let it be. he figured it would eventually leave through the open kitchen window (presumably how it got in in the first place), and it did. this continues to happen. keith has no idea who’s ferret this is, but he honestly can’t really bring himself to care. over time, he and the ferret eventually acclimate to each other. they learn to coexist and share the kitchen. they don’t cuddle but they do acknowledge each other, and keith likes to take selfies with it. one day shiro comes home to find keith chilling on the couch watching judge judy w the ferret and he drops the groceries.

A-Z NSFW: Luhan

Originally posted by 7thvelvet


Donate | Masterlist

A = Aftercare 

Nana says it takes a special kind of guy to like cats, and for cats to like them, so Luhan has to be the sweetest human alive cuz cats can tell youre a shit human being so Luhan is pretty being absolutely sure you’re okay afterwards, especially with his…uhem…kinks and such…aftercare is extremely important. He’s one that after a shower, he insists on a massage, knowing your muscles have been tense and stretched, so they need to be relaxed again, and uses the sweetest smelling lotion and oils he can find to do so.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) 
Have you ever taken a good look at Luhan’s hands? They’re beautiful. And they do some beautiful damage too, and Luhan knows that. He’s fond of teasing, especially just when you’re chilling around the house together and suddenly his hand is down your pants. He enjoys being able to have you begging for him just from his fingers alone, it gives him somewhat of a power trip. The same goes for your hands, or if we want to get specific, your nails. He likes you marking him, to an extent. His favorites to find the morning after are scratches on his shoulders from you holding on for deal like, or the crescents pressed into his shoulder blades, followed by faint pink lines down his back.  

C = Cum 

Being a past roommate with Xiumin, and being a bit of a germaphobe, I don’t see Luhan being very messy when he cums. 99% of the time it’s in a condom #WrapItBeforeYouTapItKids and the few off times you don’t, it’s because you’re having shower sex and it’s easily cleaned up.

D = Dirty Secret (a dirty secret of theirs) 

Seeing as he has free liberty to have you pretty much anywhere in the house, he’s often fantasizes about public sex. Just fantasized though, he doesn’t like the idea of getting caught with his pants down and going to jail for indecent exposure..

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)
Lmao the way he was almost offended when the MC asked if he’s kissed a girl before then almost shat himself over not knowing if he was allowed to say yes Luhan’s one of the oldest boys, and was nearing college when he was picked up, so he was pretty much a grown man by the time he entered SM, I’m inclined to believe he’s at done it at least once, aside that, between being taught dance moves, his goddamn sinful tongue, and an internet connection, Luhan is pretty educated in the idea of sex, don’t you worry about that. 

F = Favorite position

He does enjoy playing with different positions, but one of his favorites is kinda weird and specific. Morning sex is almost a constant for you two, if it’s past 10 am and y’all haven’t done the do, everything’s behind schedule and it’s certain you’re late for something. Breakfast is always the first step in the morning, and that always gets interrupted by Luhan appearing behind you, and suddenly you’re bent over and one leg is propped up on the counter top, and he’s going at it from behind. Anything from behind tends to be on his favorites list, but that’s really high on the list.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)
Luhan is freaking funny, I adore him, he’s a dork. A true meme. But in the bedroom, he’s pretty focused and serious, especially when it’s playing into the games of dom/sub, he’s pretty intense and in the zone, no time for fooling around. Some nights are off the norm, and he is very loving and giggly and you’re just having a fun roll around the sheets, but typically he’s more serious.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they)
Luhan’s letting more go, and I kind of like it. For a little bit, we saw him having a lil smidge of a mustache coming through, I think he doesn’t shave as often as when he was in EXO, add that to the fact he got cats instead of a girlfriend… even the girlfriend point of ‘boy shave ya damn dick hair’ isn’t there. I don’t think he’s that groomed, I think he does it occasionally, but not very often.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

I do think Luhan would be one of the more romantic and PDA-ish partners in EXO, but he’d show his romance in your non-sexual relationship. When you’re having sex, he’s not very romantic, sure he tells you he loves how and the lovely sweet nothings, but that’s all while he’s got you restrained and bit and pounding you with everything he’s got so….

J = Jack Off (Masturbation)

While you’re normally around to uh…deal with the harder things in life…Luhan doesn’t hold back the need. He’s not quiet during sex, but he’s a pretty silent masturbator. No ones really around, but if there was, no one would be able to hear him, plus he doesn’t stretch it out. If the need comes that he has to jerk off, he’s getting it over with so he can go on with his day.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
We all make the jokes, yeah Luhan’s really pretty haha he’s like a girl hehahe he’s so submissive bla nah bish I think he’s pretty dominant. Not like a DOM dominant, but he’s not a sub by any means. He likes being in control, which is pretty much the reason he favors the set of silk scarves he was given, so he can tie you up with the cool fabric and have you completely at his mercy. ‘My name isn’t Luhan anymore It’s Sir remember that’ b y e shut up liz

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Because he’s alone and has free reign, he likes using the house to it’s full advantage. Not a room in the house exists he hasn’t fucked you in, but his favorite is the kitchen. Especially during the summer. He loves how the counter top is just the right height to bend you over, and have you on edge from the cool surface, and have access to one of his favorite ‘toys’; ice cubes. 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

It’s not hard to get Luhan turned on, it’s really quite easy. Literally, all you have to do is call him Sir. It’s kind of a joke that stemmed from a night of role playing, that you tease him by calling him Sir during random, innocent activities throughout the day. But the whole situation turns Luhan on more than one can imagine, it’s his weakness, use it wisely.  

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything degrading, directed towards you or him, isn’t flying in his book. He’s spent enough time being called a girl, told that he looks like a girl, etc, he doesn’t like the feeling of being talked down to and he certainly isn’t going to call you a bitch or slut or the likes for anything.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

:) I  :) love :) suffering :)

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Boy really likes to pop his dick….smh Knowing Luhan, he’s kind of a mix, it’s a flip of a coin each time you guys enter the bedroom, it goes either way. He’s a fan of switching it, especially during the same round, he’ll start pretty fast and his thrusts are hard and precise, and just to draw it out and tease you more, he’ll suddenly slow his pace till he’s practically just grinding on you instead of thrusting. 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

As he doesn’t have an as intense schedule as he did as an EXO member, quickies aren’t necessarily used as a means due to him having little time to spend with you. That being said, he does enjoy a good quickie, especially in the morning. When you’re having a show and he offers to ‘wash your hair’, which we all know is a trick. Quickies are pretty frequent in your relationship, because they’ve been added to be part of the ‘morning routine’. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Since he’s not in EXO anymore, a lot of the risks with sex with the members is lost. You don’t have to really worry about locked doors, or someone walking in on you, getting caught.You literally have all the freedom in the world(inside that is) and Luhan enjoys taking advantage of that. He does like to experiment, almost every time you have sex, he’s found something new that ‘looked alright, wanna try it?’. He’s pretty open with sex with you, so most things are game to be toyed with with him.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)
Luhan’s getting into being an old man lmao as if mid 20s is old shut up liz so I think his stamina is leveled out, he’s not as wild as a teenage boy anymore. Sex with his is pretty average in the sense of time length, actual sex lasting between 5-8 minutes, that could be stretched to 10 mins if extensive foreplay was cut down, and one round is usually it without a tap out nap in between. But let Luhan sleep, and he can get right back into it with no issue.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
Nana says he’s lowkey kinda kinky, and Nana knows best soooooo. He’s got a few toys, not a very big collection, mostly just things to restrain you i.e. handcuffs, ropes, a few silk scarfs. etc. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
He’s a fair amount of a tease. Luhan teases a lot, it’s one of his favorite things to do, to make you squirm and beg for him to just fuck you already. But he doesn’t hold back on you that much. As much as he loves toying with you, he loves nothing more than that moment when he can finally have free reign to thrust you into next week.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)
Luhan has one of the most beautiful voices, and he was the vocalist, so lord knows he has a good set of pipes on him. He’s very vocal in the sense that he’s a babbler, it’s almost impossible for him to shut his mouth during sex, he’s constantly spewing talk of your body and how good you feel around him. But plus side, he doesn’t live in a dorm sooooo be as loud as you want ;)

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)
Everyone with pets, especially cats that you can’t exactly….tell to do something, knows how weird it is when it comes to sex and suddenly you realize there’s an extra pair of eyes in the room, watching you. The first time that happened, you’re in the middle of sex and Luhan is just going at it, and just out the corner of his eye he spotted one of his ‘children’ move, and flipped the fuck out. Sex was immediately shut down, and he was babbling about ‘ruining the innocence’ of the fur ball. No matter how many times you explained that it’s a cat, it doesn’t know what’s going on, he still insisted on checking the room before having sex every time.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)
Me: “Nana, what you think Lulu’s dinky do looks like?”
Nana: “Shorty, he done said he’s got the good good, he’s got the good good. He’s too pretty, that God had to give him a big one to make up for it, yeah he’s got some good german sausage under them pants. Lulu…boy hangs low, I know that. I know that.” b y e

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

With how many damn songs he got talkin bout his dick, you can’t convince me that good good ain’t on his mind 24/7. Luhan has a pretty high sex drive, but it’s not unbearable, he can certainly control his urges. “i was lonely so i got a cat” bitch why didnt you get a gf tf So you don’t really have to worry about him being a dog humping your leg every second you’re together, but he’s definitely ready to go at a moments notice, just let him know~

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
I imagine Luhan is a cat type of person, he sleeps easily and almost anywhere, he can and will pass the fuck out. Once sex is over and aftercare has been dealt with, he’s ready to curl up on bed and go to sleep or at least have a nap, he needs some shut eye to regain some strength. Night Lulu.

Jeremy And Michael’s Argument (between Do You Wanna Hang and Michael In The Bathroom)

I wrote this down for the reference of people who haven’t listened to the audio for Be More Chill (which is on YouTube, just search it) or seen the actual musical. Enjoy your daily dose of feels ✌

Michael, walking into bathroom: So…
Jeremy: Michael..?! I didn’t know you were invited to this party..!!
Michael: I wasn’t. Which is why I’m wearing this clever disguise. (Idk what it is but it’s probs v dumb)
Michael: You’re speechless. Squip got your tongue?
Jeremy: No, it’s… *quietly* it’s off.
Michael: That would explain why you’re talking to me. I was thinking about this moment. What i was gonna say to you. I had this really pissed off monologue; an epic journey through twelve years of friendship- what?
Jeremy: No, it’s just.. It’s just really great to see you, man.
Michael: Well, it won’t be, when you hear what i found out.
Jeremy: Found out? About… How, there’s nothing on the internet about-
Michael: Which is weird, right? I mean, what’s not on the internet? So, i started asking around, and finally, this guy i play Warcraft with told me his brother went from a straight D student to a freshman at Harvard. You know where he is now?
Jeremy: Really happy and successful?
Michael: He’s in a mental hospital. Totally lost it.
Jeremy: Alright, i don’t see what that has to do with me or my s-
Michael: Think, man! We’re talking an insanely powerful supercomputer. You think its primary function is to get you laid?! Who made them?! How did they end up in a high school?! IN NEW JERSEY?! Of all powerful applications for such mind-blowingly advanced technology, do you ever wonder what it’s doing inside YOU?
Jeremy:.. Tch, and I thought Chloe was jealous.
Michael: I’m honestly asking.
Jeremy: Oh, really? Because i think.. You’re just pissed that I have one and you don’t.
Michael: Oh, come on-
Jeremy: Hey, maybe i got lucky, alright?! Is that so weird?! With MY history, i-i would say that the universe owed me one. And look, i don’t know about your, uh, your friend’s brother’s whatever, but if you’re telling me that his squip made him crazy-
Michael: The squip didn’t make him crazy-
Jeremy: Alright, there you go-!
Michael: He went crazy trying to get it out!!!
Jeremy:…. Well, then, I’ve got nothing to worry about, why would i want it out?
Michael: *blocking the door* …..
Jeremy: Come on man, move it.
Michael: Ha.. Or you’ll what?
Jeremy:…….. *harshly* Get out of my way.. Loser.
Michael:….. *lets him leave and then locks himself in*
Jenna: *knocks on door* Hello?! Some of us have to pee!
Michael, in the bathroom: I’m having my period..!
Jenna: Take your time, honey!
*Michael In The Bathroom plays*

anonymous asked:

Why do people call klance canon king? What does that even mean?

HHHH OK SO UH. god this is like so weird to explain but ok …. so like, you may or may not be familiar with the “you know i had to do it to em” meme but yeah it was this meme that circulated the internet a while back. and then uhh the guy who posted the original tweet that started that meme….he tweeted “klance is cannon king” (i think it was like…something someone asked him to tweet? don’t think he even watches the show or knew what it meant or anything lol.) he’s since deleted the tweet i think. but yeah like…it was just such a surreal experience: the “you know i had to do it to em” kid tweeting about klance, the misspelling of “canon”, the addition of “king” at the end that doesn’t seem to have any purpose….iconic. anyway it’s a phrase a lot of the fandom picked up because it’s funny and just has such a bizarre origin. 


The moral of the story is Steel is Too Capable of a human being.

Also this won’t make any damn sense if you’re not really involved in the Man on the Internet fan community. One day I’ll use this blog for not fanwork… buuuut most of my actual jobs can’t be posted on the interwebs so FANART IT IS.

So I really love @manontheinternet‘s work. Man on the Internet Productions is a youtube channel run by Alex Beckman. Alex is The Man but there’s a whole team of singers, actors and artists and they are all pretty wonderful people. Their biggest and most impressive project is Undertale The Musical, which I cannot recommend enough, as evidenced by me leaving walls of text on every song. They also do comic dubs. There’s a lot of Undertale but they’ve also done an Overwatch comic and Alex does a lot of his own covers and uh. Memes. Also there’s a skit of the whole production crew just interacting in Internet Headquarters and there’s a bunch of stuff about Alex being ridiculous and Lorelai is the team mom and it’s glorious.

About a month ago Alex did a cover of Sleepytime Junction that filled me with delight. It also gave me this dumb comic idea which I proceeded to put waaaay too much effort into. And then it was a month later. So uh. I sure hope the team likes it even though it’s barely relevant anymore and making this comic based off of their skit personas might be weird?? I dunno??

At least it was good digital practice.

Personal warmer - Jooheon

Originally posted by spookedbebe


Main character - Monsta x Jooheon

Length - 945

Genre - Fluffy Honey with a pinch of smut

Having male best friend was both a great thing and a very tricky one. You met Jooheon on your first year of college and you instantly became great friends. There was no hidden agenda between you two. You simply enjoyed each other’s company, you had same taste in music and movies, you could laugh for hours, so it was never really boring. That was the great part about a male friend.

The tricky one was the fact that Jooheon was good looking. QUITE good looking, and there were periods in your friendship when you just drooled over him secretly. Then he would get a girlfriend for a few months and you would kind of get over the whole thing.

“OMG I really feel like dying!” you are weeping over the phone.

“Is it really that bad Y/N?” male voice on the other side of the line carefully says.

“Listen, when you experience pain of a knife stabbing into your uterus you will have a word in this discussion. Until then you can just listen to my cries of help.”

“Okay babe, I’m sorry.”

Ughh you hated to hear him calling you that. Actually, you loved the way his low voice pronounced the word, kind of sultry with a hint of smug to it, but you hated how your body responded to it. The pain stopped for a moment to be replaced with slight tingles in your lower stomach that heated your core.

Keep reading

Finally back in civilization!

I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, high speed internet, and CABLE! Cable you guys. I haven’t had tv service in 10 years. It’s weird but nice to know I can watch football this fall without having to find a friend willing to take me in.

Today I have to have my picture taken for marketing stuff. I’m so not feeling that. My eyebrows are a mess, my hair needs cutting, and they’re making me wear a suit for this thing and hello I have man shoulders and no waist. So here I come looking like a refrigerator in a doctor costume. I’m sure that will bring me loads of patients. But I’m wearing a really cute summery dress today before switching to the suit and it has POCKETS.

In other news, two of my bestest friends have recently been recognized nationally for excellence in their subspecialty fields. I wish I wasn’t anonymous so I could post their pictures. I’m super proud to know them and work with them and I hope one day we can start a practice together like we’ve dreamed.


Jimmy Fallon taps on his desk a few times as he moves onto his next question. “Hey, you’re married now, right?”

You give a wide grin that only a happy newlywed can. “Yep, officially a Hiddleston now!” The audience cheers for you and you smile even wider.

“You’re changing your name, taking his name?”

“Jimmy, I’ll be honest with you - I take everything that man offers me,” you wink playfully and laugh loudly when Jimmy blushes and give his own laugh.

“Hey, this’ll sound really weird but, is it true that you kind of created loads of crossovers, like fan crossovers?”

“You mean ‘cos of the wedding?”

“Yeah,” Jimmy chuckles.

“Well, I didn’t ‘create’ these crossovers, not exactly. What happened is, uh, I’m in Sherlock, and me and Tom are both in the Marvel Universe, so we had guests from all different fandoms. And when photos of the wedding started coming up online, the internet - mostly Tumblr - did some amazing and hilarious things with these photos.”

“I think we have some,” Jimmy offers, pointing to a monitor with a few photos of yours and Tom’s wedding.

The first photo is of you and Tom kissing at the altar. “Ah, that one” you start, “is called ‘Agent Smith and Loki’. Agent Smith is my character’s code name in Sherlock and obviously Tom is Loki from Marvel.”

The second photo is of Scarlett Johansson and Martin Freeman doing the limbo. “Yep, ‘Black Widow vs Watson: Limbo Edition’.”

“Who won?” Jimmy teased.

“I think it was a firm tie!”

The next photo comes up. “Oh my god, this is my favourite!” The picture shows Benedict Cumberbatch and Robert Downey Jr having a pretty intense conversation. “The best one ever: ‘No Shit Sherlock Squared’.” Jimmy and the entire audience laugh outrageously. “What you don’t know is that in that photo, Ben and Robert are actually arguing about whose Sherlock is better. But, get this, they’re arguing for the other guy’s version! Like, Ben was saying that Robert was better, and Robert was saying Ben’s better.”

“What happened next?”

“Deadpool came up behind them both and shoved them into a coat closet and told them they couldn’t come out until they had sex. Best. Wedding. Ever!”

anonymous asked:

Hi! Finally the request are open, this might sound a little perv but I am curious to see how would the rfa+saeran react to a MC who watches porn, because men are always the ones that are common in that but I think there would be some women like that too and MC could be one of them

That’s not perv at all! I’m not a huge fan of mainstream porn, but I think it’s interesting how women are becoming more curious about this, that’s the first step to changing this industry that is still very cruel to girls.

So… about the request. This is surprisingly not NSFW, I honestly think there would be a loooong discussion between them before they start enjoying this and sharing this with MC. Hope you like it:

RFA + Saeran reacts to a MC who likes porn


  • Okay, he’s definitely that guy who thinks ladies shouldn’t watch porn. It’s too filthy for such a pure girl like you. You know nothing, Zenny boy
  • And he’s not proud of the great amount of porn he used to watch when he was single
  • So he doesn’t understand why would you want to see something on a screen when you can have the real thing with him right now
  • You explain to him that you just… like to watch porn, and if he likes too, he should watch it.
  • But he doesn’t want to because… the beast, so it takes him a while to feel comfortable about this.
  • However, if  you tell him you want to try with him something you saw, he’s immediately comfortable
  • Now he’s really excited to find out what you’ve been watching, but he never asks, he knows you will show him when he comes home.


  • So many years of sexual frustration spent on porn…
  • So when you come along, he just forgets porn. Mainly because he thinks you wouldn’t like it.
  • But when you tell him he should watch if he likes because you do the same… okay, first he’s blushing at the thought of imagining you watching it.
  • Then he feels insecure… isn’t he satisfying you as you need?
  • It takes so much reassuring from you for him to understand this is not about him, it’s about you.
  • He eventually starts watching porn again… the ones you’ve been watching, mostly.
  • He wants to know your taste and if there’s something there he can try to do with you if you want to.


  • Okay, this woman doesn’t watch porn! Everything feels so fake, she rarely found a video where the girl actually felt comfortable…
  • And don’t even get her started on lesbian porn, what’s with those extremely long acrylic nails? Ouch…
  • So she doesn’t understand why you would like that. She’s very judgmental about it, tbh.
  • You tell her it’s just your taste, you know? The same way she feels very… excited watching Zen’s DVDs, you feel excited watching porn.
  • Then you introduce her to Erika Lust and indie studios, where the sex and the people on it) seems a little more real.
  • And boy… she likes it!  These women seem to be enjoying this for real, as much as you two enjoy yourselves.
  • Yeah, Zen’s DVDs are getting competition…


  • Also someone who doesn’t enjoy porn because everything looks cheap and fake.
  • Okay, he admits when you two started being intimate, he may have watched a video or two to get some ideas, since everything is very new to him.
  • And it took him a lot to find something really interesting and well made, so he doesn’t understand why you’re not as… picky as he is.
  • Yes, you don’t seem to have a lot of criteria, and… he doesn’t like to think like that, but it’s very vulgar, tbh
  • But since you have a taste so all over the place, eventually he can find something that pleases you both.
  • It’s very weird to watch porn with him at first, because it looks like he’s taking mental notes and not really enjoying the scenes and the sounds.
  • And yes, he was definitely taking mental notes, only to do something he saw and thought you would like it. Now you’re moaning louder than that actress.


  • This man has full access to your internet history, don’t forget that.
  • So he knows before you say anything, and honestly… he’s super fine with that.
  • I see him as someone who’s really into amateur porn, so he’s always sending you videos he thinks you might like it.
  • And so do you, so this is a thing between you two. It’s kinda like a competition of who can find the greatest porn that both would like it.
  • He understands this interest in porn is completely natural. If he likes it, why wouldn’t you?
  • This only gives him more reassurance that you’re the one for him, it’s so good being able to feel comfortable about this
  • If you can meet soon, you two are definitely doing what you just saw. If you can’t, expect a great phone sex while you two watch the same video.


  • He also has access to your internet history. And when it comes to porn, he doesn’t like it, he hates how his body reacts to it and feels really guilty about enjoying this.
  • When he found, he fell off his chair in surprise, poor thing. Not because you’re a girl, it’s just because… it’s you!
  • He doesn’t want to talk about this and he can’t look at you the same way after that.
  • When you confront him, he tells what you found and gets really annoyed when you laugh, this is serious!
  • You explain to him you just like it, you’ve always had and since he already saw your internet history, he should check it again to see if he can find something he would like it.
  • He scoffs at that idea, but one day he ends up doing it, and boy… does he like it? Knowing that someone so… normal like you enjoys this makes him feel less inadequate.
  • He never admits that he watched, but you know he did. Where else could he have learned what he’s doing right now if not on that video you watch almost every day?

anonymous asked:

Do you ever read anything by Internet comedian Seanbaby? He has done several funny reviews of old comics and he has collected most if not all old Hostess Fruit Pie comic ads on his website.

Seanbaby is really wonderful and great. In life, you get successful in one of three ways: be first, be better, or cheat. Seanbaby was one of the first-generation of Web 1.0 humor guys, and lot of guys in the early days of blogging and web posting are only big because they were first in a strange new world (if he came around today, for instance, Drudge would be “just some TCOT rando on twitter”). Seanbaby’s stuff is still funny. He’s both first and better at the same time. He’s responsible for maybe the funniest sentence ever written, where he described an uncoordinated man as moving “like a human suit worn by alien space squids, who are drunk driving him.”

Seanbaby’s hilarious Hostess ad parodies also realized something interesting that, at the time, pop culture was only starting to figure out: the internet meant that nothing could ever be forgotten, so it’s funny to embrace pop culture weirdness. As astounding as it may sound to people living today, there was a time when the Star Wars Christmas Special was totally forgotten by everyone. Even hardcore Star Wars fans who were alive at the time and actually watched it thought the Christmas Special was something they dreamed or hallucinated. Seanbaby doing hostess ad parodies was amazingly ahead of its time. Everyone embraces embarrassing weirdness now. Hostess fruit pies are bound to show up in some form in the Marvel movies; the only shocking thing is that it hasn’t already happened.

I don’t want to disparage at all a Web 1.0 humorist Seanbaby’s often compared to, Maddox, who wrote some really funny bits that still make me laugh, but Seanbaby has aged better than Maddox did, because while Seanbaby had a swagger he was just goofing about, whereas Maddox’s default state was anger. It used to be the case that to be an internet comedy man, you had to be angry and do rants, and that’s a dead end in the long term because…well, after a while, when you see someone get angry about kitchen sarin wrap no longer clinging like it used to, or going off about women of a certain body type wearing crop top shirts in public, you start to wonder…jeez, what is wrong with you?

I think I have a lot in common with Seanbaby: we’re both guys who like obscure comic characters, we also both did sports and like boxing (my apologies to those who think of me as some Big Bang Theory character – people can be complicated, you know). We both embrace our masculinity, both ironically and also unironically. A lot of humor now is based around being sad or depressed, and I don’t relate to that as much as Seanbaby talking about how he used to get into fistfights with his brothers over the TV remote control.

6 reasons why liking RickMorty doesn’t make you a pedophile.

Hello everyone! Today I am here to educate you on why Rick x Morty is not pedophiliac like Real life Pedophilia, and how people who like it arent nasty or pedophiles. So lets hop on the Magic School Bus and let me teach you what should already be obvious, LETSAGO!

Originally posted by peteneems

((Below I am referring to most art or fanfics pertaining to the ship))

1. Rick isn’t a pedophile.
Despite common belief a pedophile is not just someone who is in love with a much younger person. To be a pedophile, you must want to or actually groom a child to take advantage of them sexually. You must also be attracted to Minors specifically. Pedophiles prey specifically on young people to take advantage of them and pressure them to do things.

2. Rick actually gives a fuck about Morty.
In most Rickmorty media and the show itself, Rick actually loves and cares for his grandson. He wants Morty to be happy and loved. Thats different from a pedophile, who doesnt give a shit about their victim. Rick does not pressure Morty into giving him sex, most of the time in RickMorty its mutual or Morty who wants it. Yes I know in the show Morty isn’t age of consent, but he is fictional and he fact his brain isn’t fully developed is irrelevant. Even so, in many cases Morty is depicted as 18+. Morty does not really act or look like a child half the time, so thats barely anything for a person who strictly likes minors to jerk off too.

3. Age Gap doesn’t mean pedophiliac
It may be strange, but a relationship of two people who are both 18+ but with a large age gap is not pedophiliac. Pedophiles take advantage of young kids, people around 18 don’t interest them. Yes it is true that a lot of times older men target younger women because they dont know better HOWEVER this is not always the case.

4. The idea RickMorty Normalizing on the internet is fucking stupid.
Yes if a child is abused it can feel normal to them, but that doesnt mean the internet needs to constantly censor itself for kids who shouldn’t be on it. The internet and Tumblr is full of damaging things such as: MAPS, Porn, Fictionkin, etc. (cant wait till someone freaks the fuck out I said Fictionkin can normalize delusion) why is a kid watching a extremely inappropriate adult show anyway? Aren’t those shows that show such graphic imagery going to normalize things for kids too? The internet is not a place for kids anymore.

5. A lot of people can separate reality from fiction, meaning they dont see it as it would be in real life. Not everyone can do this, which is one of the reasons why have so many ANTIs.

Kids dont go and have sex with your grandpa or older man. A guy who cares about you will not ask you for sexual favors or pressure you.

In conclusion:

Its ok if you find this ship weird or gross, however, just because someone likes it doesnt make them a pedophile.

(Prepares thy body for angry pitchforks)


A pedophile is someone who is attracted to children. CHILDREN. NOT ONE SPECIFIC MINOR. And he doesnt like the minor because he is a minor, he genuinely loves and cares for him, which is way different than being attracted to someone because they are young and weak.

I am not saying if RickMorty was real life it wouldn’t be bad, I am saying its fictional, and heres why its not actually pedophiliac as in people who like it are pedophiles. People call people who like this ship pedophiles, and thats the dumbest shit, this is what this post is about.

Response to StopJackingOff:

What stops me from being a pedophile? Umm the fact I am not attracted to children. This post is why calling RickMorty fans pedophiles is silly, not what are the only reasons I am not a pedophile :| Not everyone, including my self even ships Rick and Morty sexually. Your issue is with NSFW artists, not just shippers.

Originally posted by cosmic-rumpus


Arashi ni Shiyagare [2015.07.11]
┗ Nino’s too amused by Baby J~ (≧ω≦)

The Phandom: Traumatizing Children Since 2009.

This’ll be interesting. It’s not gonna be very long though, but it’s fine.

Genre- Idk it’s really not fluff or smut but it does get a bit disturbing and referency at the end.

Word Count- 253

My name is Chester, I’m 13 years old, and I’m a YouTuber. My entire family is full of YouTubers. My dads have been on YouTube for twenty years, and I’ve decided to start a channel too. Lately I’ve been getting a lot of requests to read something called “The Hat Fic.” I don’t know what it is, but the sheer fact that it ends in “Fic” is enough to repel me. But I’m gonna read it anyway.

Why the hell did I read The Hat Fic? I’m not posting that on YouTube. What the fuck? That’s so messed up, man. I walk to the living room, my phone in my hand. When I get there, my parents are on the couch watching the Great British Bake Off. “What is this!?” I show them the phone screen. 

“Oh no.” 

“The Hat Fic.”

“I’m aware of that. But why?”

“Before we told the internet we were together…” My dad trailed off. “There were some… Really weird fanfictions. I advise you stay away from them. It’s pretty traumatizing.”

“But the hat! Don’t you still have that hat?” Dad nodded. “And why a hamster?”

My dads made eye contact for a second, before one replied. “I… I don’t know… Just don’t read that stuff.” I squinted suspiciously as I went back to my room. I guess that would explain why they were reluctant to let me get that hamster when I was 8. Although I still don’t know where it disappeared to after just a few days… 

starlightanimations  asked:

Heya! Sorry to bother and this is kinda stupid but, do you remember me? I was on a Livestream a long time ago and we talked about How people draw "jaltoid fanart" when it's only emi? And I also asked to be your guys's friend and you said your a package deal

I think I remember? And yeah, that’s a thing that still happens even now.

People draw “Jaltoid Fanart” and then draw only Emi, it sucks! Some people say “Well I’m planning to draw dalton later” and then never do. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Emi hates seeing fanart of only herself, so it doesn’t do them any good anyways. (She hates it because in turn it just makes Dalton feel bad)

If you’re gonna be a fan of Jaltoid and you want to show you like Jaltoid, then you should draw both of us. Not saying we don’t appreciate fanart, but it’s something that’s really important to us. Too many people still give Emi all the credit and that’s just not right and all it does is discourages Dalton from even wanting to participate. Without Dalton, there is no channel lol, some people don’t seem to realize that.

But Emi’s The Girl™ and often seen as more relatable or the funny man to the straight man shtick and so people latch onto her a lot more. (Especially when she has a dirty mouth)

We will always be a packaged deal. Idk if it’s like this so religiously with other internet duos, but it is for us. We’re inseparable in real life, so we’d like to be seen that way online too.

fuckyeahdeafandasexual  asked:

(I am so fucking embarassed because I send this to the wrong writer first) In the LOTFW universe: which global political leader would the internet ship president clinton francis barton with? (à la Obama/Trudeau bromance)

Oh man I wanna know who you sent this to, I bet I know them :D I BET THEY WERE AMUSED. 

People totally ship Clint with T’Challa. It started out as a weird niche ship when he visited Wakanda on a diplomatic junket, and just sort of spiralled from there. I’m pretty sure in at least one chapter of the fic I wrote myself writing Clint/T’Challa fic as a cameo. :D 

There’s also a small set of writers who ship President Barton/Secretary Stark but they’re all weirdos. 

Hobgoblin (AD&D)

Hobgoblins! Like goblins, only…hobbier?
Or rather, they’re bigger and stronger and…more orange than regular goblins. And I hear they’re highly militarized in structure.
But only the parts of the military that make them more evil.
Let’s take a gander, then!

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mxrksgf’s first follow forever!

ljfhrjfhrhgj ya the banner isnt that good i just made it rlly quick but hEY

hello there!!!this is jai and i just recently 1k followers so i decided to make a follow forever!!WHOOP WHOOP!!

on a more serious note,,,honestly i don’t know how to thank every one of u for being there for me and for loving me.if i deserve all of this love,idek but all i know is that im v thankful for it and i know that i love u all v much!!i rlly thank God for letting me meet such wonderful people and i just lhgruhjrhg im so emotional rn

but yes!!!thank u all v much and i love u all!!!i’ll put the rest under a read more~ also this is in no following order!! kfjhrhg it’s not alphabetic either

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