It never faded
Harry imagine where he turns up at your door after you guys broke up. I really hope you guys will like this imagine and that you’ll set aside the time to read it. :)
A lot of fluff and emotions ahead, no mature content aside from some harsh words.
Again, picture is not mine. Some beautiful member of the internet blessed us with it.
It had been two weeks since I had last seen Harry and one week since he had last tried to call me. Our break up had been a messy one, filled with screaming and crying. Words were shouted neither of us could ever truly mean and when I had finally cried that I wanted our relationship to be over, Harry was just as surprised as I was. And yet I didn’t take it back. And he didn’t try to stop me. I somewhat calmly went upstairs, packed the few belongings I had at brought to his place, and left without a word of goodbye.
I traveled back to my hometown and moved in with my old flatmate. She still owned the same apartment I had lived in when Harry had first come around and swept me off my feet. After dating for two months I agreed to go to London with him, which now I knew had been a mistake. Moving in with someone after knowing them for so short had not been a smart move. Literally.
Soon what had once been a loving relationship turned into two people trying to adjust to each other’s lifestyles and utterly failing at it. After his band got back on the road, it was like I was in a relationship with a ghost. The distance felt unbearable and with time differences and crappy internet connection, not even the few skype calls that we made could change that.
I wasn’t any happier being away from him now, but I comforted myself with the thought that at least I didn’t have to try and pretend to be anymore. After sulking in bed for a week, mourning my failed relationship, I was ready to move on. I still loved Harry with everything I had, truly. But after ignoring the first few voice messages of him sobbing into his phone I received messages of him lulling how glad he was that I had finally fucked off, how much better he was doing, that it would be as easy as counting to three to find a new girl to take my place.
It hurt of course, but if he was fine without me than why shouldn’t I be alright without him?
“Is it okay if I leave you alone tonight?” my flatmate Kylie asked standing in the doorway.
“Sure, why wouldn’t it be?” I responded, folding the shirt I was currently holding.
“You’ve been crying on a daily basis when all of a sudden you just stopped all together. It’s not normal. I’m kind of waiting for you to snap and explode or something.”
“What would seem normal to you then?” I asked with a laugh.
She jokingly tapped her finger to her chin. “Maybe you begging me to go egg his fancy ass house.”
“Not gonna happen,” I giggled while shaking my head. “But seriously, I’m alright. And I’ll survive a night without you hovering over me like a mother hen.”
Kylie threw her head back at that and laughed: “So it’s okay for the mother hen to go out for the night?”
“Of course it is,” I assured.
“You’re sure? I can stay if-”
“I’m sure,” I interrupted. “Just because my world ended doesn’t mean yours has to as well.”
She rolled her eyes. “Shit like that’s what makes me worry about you.”
“I’m joking,” I protested..
“Only half heartily.”
She gave me another long look before grinning confidently. “How hot do I look?”
“Very,” I complimented. “Your date is going to struggle keeping it in his pants tonight.”
“Great, that’s the look I was going for.”
After she left I decided to treat myself a little and make some popcorn. Once settled on our couch I pressed the play button on the telly and soon found an action movie I hadn’t seen in a long time. All in all, I felt pretty good about myself.
I jumped when the doorbell rang. The sky had long turned dark and one look at my phone told me that it was almost 11pm. Who was ringing people’s doorbells at this time?
It was unlikely that Kylie had forgotten her key and she would’ve told me if she had invited someone over, right? I reached for a fork that was laying on our coffee table after lunch which would weakly serve me as a weapon before my feet carried me hesitantly to the door. It only took one quick peek through the keyhole for me to pull the door open.
I had spend the last weeks forcing myself not to think about him until it had come to the point where his face was almost a blur in my mind. Looking at him now I couldn’t understand how that could’ve possibly happen. How could I ever forget how beautiful he was? His big but delicate hands, his strong, muscular arms and broad shoulders. His neck, who’s skin I knew was so warm after kissing it multiple times. The shape of his face, blessed with cheekbones to die for. And his brown, full curls, shorter than I remembered them, but just as soft looking. The gentle pink of his kissable lips and lastly his eyes. Those mesmerizing, enchanting, green eyes.
I was too stunned to say something. He had often laughed and blushed when I confessed how his looks took my breath away, but I hadn’t been kidding. My brain was too shocked to form a proper sentence. So instead I took a second look at him. And that changed my entire view.
His eyes were bloodshot, muting the green and held a unmistakable sadness. His eyelids looked twice their size as they were swollen and the skin beneath his eye resembled black shadows. His lips were bitten, dry and not half as full as I could’ve sworn they used to be when I kissed them. The curls hung in a mess, falling barley far enough to cover his frowned forehead. His face seemed more narrow and the veins on his neck were more visible than usually. His shoulders slacked, his arms hang limply by his sides and his knuckles were blue from bruising.
My breath hitched at how transformed he looked. Not at all like the man I had left behind.
“Harry?” I asked, my voice nothing above whimper. Given the transition he had gone through, I truly felt like I had to ask if it was really him.
“Y/N”, he croaked out and that was it.
I opened my arms and he practically fell into them. Harry shamelessly sobbed into my shoulder, wetting my flannel as I gently combed my fingers through his hair. My nails slightly scratched the skin of his neck, but it did little to calm him down.
“What happened?” I whispered. “Harry? What’s wrong, my love? Are you hurt?”
He didn’t answer, instead his sobs increased and I moved my arms to his shoulders, trying to loosen his hold to check if he was injured. When he didn’t budge I sighed and pressed a kiss to his cheek. His skin felt so cold.
“Come on. Let me get you inside. You’re freezing.”
Finally he allowed me to carefully pull away from him and take hold of his hands, pulling him inside. I lead him to the small living room and sat him down on the couch, getting into a kneeling position in front of him. Normally he would joke about how I could have “at least bought him dinner first”, but right now there was nothing even remotely sexual to my position. I rested my hands on his thighs, moving them in soothing circles.
“Harry, please tell me what happened.”
All I got as response was a shake of his head and more tears falling from his eyes. I didn’t know what to do. I was supposed to hate him, like I somehow had only hours ago. But now with him crying in front of me I couldn’t help but forget everything instantly and just want to care for him, hide him away and be the shield between him and whatever it had been that had hurt him so badly. There was something about Harry that had me want to bundle him up in a blanked whenever I saw him even remotely upset.
“Harry, please try to calm down,” I begged when he hiccuped. “I can’t stand seeing you like this. I’ll go and get you a cup of tea, alright? It’ll warm you up and ease you a little. Please, in the meantime try to relax. Okay?”
He sniffed loudly and then nodded. I got up and went to the kitchen. The water couldn’t boil fast enough and I nervously tapped my fingers on the sink. When it finally did, I quickly filled two cups and walked back. Harry obviously hadn’t calmed down. I suppressed a sigh as I placed the two cups on the coffee table and sat down next to my ex boyfriend.
“What can I do to make it better?” I asked quietly. “Tell me, please. I’m loosing my mind, seeing you this way.”
“Everything”, he started, voice so thin I almost missed it. “Everything is wrong, Y/N.”
He looked up and his eyes met mine, knocking every remaining ounce of anger still in me right on out.
“Come here”, I whispered and pulled him against me again. “I don’t want to push you,” I mumbled softly and I felt him shake his head in a nod. Goosebumps rose on my skin upon feeling his sobs against my chest. “We won’t speak right now. Let me turn on the TV and you can take your time to calm down. Maybe sleep a little. You look like you haven’t in days, my love. And when you wake up and feel more rested, we can look into making whatever got you upset go away, alright?”
“You’re letting me stay?” he murmured, avoiding my eyes. His voice broke halfway through the sentence.
Was I? The rational part of my brain screamed at me not to. But my heart had already found it’s familiar place where it had spent the last few months; right in his hands.
“Pass me the remote.”
We watched a movie in silence, neither of us paying much attention. Harry’s sobs lessened after a while and at some point we moved from our sitting position into me lying on my back and Harry laying half on top of me, his arms wrapped around my waist tightly. I stroke his hair and rested my cheek against his forehead. Though it felt like we were making a mistake, my heart squeezed almost painfully when he pressed a soft kiss against the skin of my cheek. I felt like every cell in my body awakened from a long sleep and I couldn’t deny how good it felt to have his body heat keeping me warm, instead of a blanket. Halfway through the film I could hear him snore quietly.
I must’ve fallen asleep too because a loud “I’m back!” call ripped me out of unconsciousness. My hand instantly moved to Harry’s neck and I was relieved when I found that he hadn’t woken up.
“I’m in here”, I murmured, hoping Kylie would hear me.
“I must tell you about what happened when I- Wait,” she stopped in her tracks when her eyes landed on the man lying on top of me. My cheeks burned and I tried to avoid her gaze.
She cleared her throat. “Tell me this isn’t what’s his face, but some hot dude you hooked up with to get over him.”
I gave her an awkward smile. “I would if it were true.”
“Y/N!” she yelled and I winced, covering Harry’s ear that wasn’t pressed against my collarbones. “What is he doing here? Why did you even let him inside this house?”
“Shh, please, you’re gonna wake him up.”
“So?” she exclaimed, not lowering her voice, “He’s the asshole over whom you have been bawling your eyes out and now what? He just shows up at your door? Really? Has he realized what big of a prick he is? What the hell, he’s such a-”
“Please don’t do this right now,” I interrupted her and shifted uncomfortably under her stare, “He showed up as a complete mess, what was I supposed to do? Nothing’s forgiven but how could I turn him away? Please, give him a break.”
She huffed and shook her head. “I may refrain from killing him right now. But only because I’m wearing heels.”
“Thanks,” I whispered, lifting my hand to wound my fingers into his curls. He looked so peaceful when he slept. And so adorable. So utterly handsome.
“Don’t look at him like that,” my friend’s voice interrupted my staring.
“Look at him like what?”
“With those eyes that scream how in love with him you are.”
I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “Not that you’ve seen what mine went like, how did your night go?”
She allowed me the change of subject with an eye roll. “I’ll give you the short version now and the long, funny one tomorrow. It was amazing.”
“Yeah, me too.” She smiled. “Anyway, I’m going to bed now. Have a good snuggle then.”
“Yeah alright, good night.”
“Tomorrow it’s either you kicking him out, or me!” she called from the stairs. I shook my head and groaned quietly.
“She’s right, you know.”
I looked down to see Harry awake, moving awkwardly off of me and into a sitting position. I found myself wishing he wouldn’t have, missing his warmth already.
“How much of this did you hear?” I asked, crossing my arms over my stomach to keep from reaching out for him.
“Enough,” he mumbled, his voice hoarse.
I sat up too and scooted back to lean against the armrest and to put space between us.
“I’m so sorry, Y/N”, he interrupted me. “I’m a piece of shit, I know that. I’m the biggest asshole walking this wor-”
“Stop, Harry, stop. You’re none of that.”
“Yeah, I am,” he contradicted me. “I don’t deserve your comfort just like you don’t deserve my burden. I- oh gosh I completely ruined your evening. Why do I always fuck everything up? I’m-”
“What happened?” I interrupted his rambling. “What did you mean when you said everything was wrong?”
He shrugged, brushing some strands out of his face.
“Everything built up I guess,” he sniffed and I hoped he wouldn’t cry again. It took all I had not to brush the remaining wetness from his tears off his cheeks.
“Breaking up with you was horrible, Y/N. Not a day passed without me regretting it so much my heart hurt. You could probably tell by my voice messages I left-”
“You mean the ones where you told me how much better off you were?”
“Shit,” Harry rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands, “you must know that I didn’t mean that at all. That was the alcohol speaking.”
“You got drunk during the week?”
“What was I supposed to do with myself, knowing that you being gone was all my fault? I missed you so much, Y/N. I can’t even form the right words to explain how much it hurt to be without you.”
“I missed you, too, Harry”, I admitted and he gave me a small smile. “I don’t understand what happened to us.”
“I know it sounds lame but I was under so much stress and I wrongly took it all out on you. The pressure my job brings was just so much and though I love my family, they were constantly giving me a hard time about how I didn’t visit or call them often enough and that is true, but it still bugged me having to hear it all the time. I knew how unhappy I was making you by being gone all the time and that resulted into me feeling like crap.”
“Which then resulted into you behaving horrible around me.”
Harry bit his lip and nodded. “Pretty much. Like I said, I’m an asshole.”
“You’re not, baby,” I told him, looking away in embarrassment when the pet name slipped my lips. It didn’t go unnoticed by him and he cleared his throat. I was glad when he continued without addressing it.
“I just feel lost, Y/N. I don’t have a clue who I am anymore.”
“You’re Harry,” I whispered with a frown and in a bold move took his hand in mine. My thumbs gently caressed the back of his palms. “You are by far the best possible human being I know. A human, Harry. Though you seem to disagree, you actually don’t have to be perfect. It’s okay if you can’t deal with everything and endure all that pressure. The fault isn’t yours, it’s your job’s and your family’s attitude. You’re always so kind and so considerate with everybody’s feelings, I wish the world would give you some of it back.”
He squeezed my hands and his eyes shone with fresh tears. “See this is exactly why I had to see you. You always know the right words to mend me.”
A blush formed on my cheeks and I looked down at our fingers, intwined once again.
“But I don’t deserve it,” Harry continued. “I don’t deserve you. Y/N I’m so sorry about everything I said that night and in those stupid voice messages I left you. You have to believe me that I would take it all back! I didn’t mean a single word I said and I am so pissed at myself for not stopping you from leaving. The image of you walking through that door and away from me has replayed in my mind and broken my heart so many times, you can’t even imagine.”
“Then why didn’t you fight for me?” I asked, swallowing down my own tears that tried to form in my eyes and spill onto my cheeks.
“I wanted to, baby,” he whispered, putting my heart back into pieces by calling me that. “Believe me, I did. But I felt so awful, Y/N. I knew how unhappy I made you and I didn’t want that for you anymore. Especially after you didn’t return any call I left. Not even the ones where I was crying. I thought you really must be done with me if you can even ignore those.”
“I was hurting, Harry. I needed time away from you to clear my head and when I was ready to talk about us all I got from was you rambling on about how much better your life was ever since I wasn’t part of it anymore.”
“I’m so sorry,” Harry shook his head and squeezed my hand. My body tensed when he reached up and stroke over my cheek with the back of his hand, the gesture used to be so common between us, but now he quickly let his hand fall back to his lap. “I’ve never been more of a mess than since you left. Asshole that I am, I thought that you were fine and wanted to let you know that I was too.”
“Oh, Harry… you’re such an idiot,” I breathed, “How could I be remotely happy without you by my side?”
“I hope you couldn’t,” he whispered, a shy smile gracing his lips. “I miss you.”
“I miss you so much.”
Harry slowly raised his arm again and gently cradled my cheek.
“Y/N, baby, do you think you could forgive me?” he asked quietly, “I know I messed up big time, but I promise you, I can do better and I will. I’ll make sure that I’m home more and that I’ll take the time to listen to you. I’d even learn how to use the bloody washing machine if that’s what it takes. Anything, but please, come back to me.”
I leaned into his hand and looked down, both of my hands holding his free one tightly, afraid he would disappear again if I didn’t. When I spoke, my voice hitched with happiness.
“If you ever say what you said to me that night again, I’m gone for good. I mean it.”
“I promise I won’t,” he swore, shaking his head. His mesmerizing eyes didn’t leave mine as he urged me to believe him. “I will never disappoint you like this again, I swear. I-”
Not needing to hear any more, I let go of his hand and grabbed his face, pressing my needy lips to his. I didn’t care how desperate I seemed, clinging on to him and particularly nestling myself onto his lap. Though I could feel his surprise, he immediately kissed back, just as urgently as I did. Oh, how I missed this. Feeling his warm and soft lips against mine, his tongue lick against my bottom lip, begging me to allow him in, which I of course granted. It didn’t go unnoticed by me that his lover lips felt slightly rougher than it normally had, but I didn’t care. Instead I deepened the kiss in hopes I could mend the torn skin. Harry’s hands held my waist, keeping me pressed against him. My heart felt like it would burst at any minute and my head was cloudy. Kissing him after missing his taste so badly resembled the feeling you get when you burst through the surface of water after having been under for too long. Though breathing wasn’t easy with his mouth pressed to mine, my lungs never felt fuller. Neither of us seemed ready to break the kiss and he moaned lowly when my clothed crotch rubbed against his. When we pulled away we were both smiling so wide our cheeks hurt.
“I love you,” I promised him. “That could’ve never faded away.”
“I love you, too” Harry assured, pressing a small kiss to my nose before pulling away again. “For alway.”
“That’s all I want,” I giggled happily and leaned in to kiss his cheek.
Harry hummed in content and cradled me tighter against his chest.
“Does that mean you’ll protect me when your friend tries to kick me out tomorrow?”
Hope you liked it! This is an imagine that I’ve had for a very long time and that I have rewritten a bunch of times. Feedback is welcome and so are requests! :)