Lifeguard!AU that doesn’t go how Lance expected
“Pidge, Pidge, listen to me. I need you to pretend to drown.”
Pidge spat out her mouthful of lemonade in a spray that only barely missed Lance’s face.
“What the fuck?” she spluttered.
Lance pulled his sunglasses off the top of his head to check them for lemonade splatter before replacing them and tousling his hair over them.
“I need you to pretend to drown.”
Hunk looked 110% skeptical of Lance’s ingenuity and Lance would be insulted but he’s still too busy ogling the hot lifeguard across the pool from the corner of his eye.
“Lance, I really don’t think that’s a safe–”
“Trust me, big guy, this plan is perfect. Pidge will go in and pretend to drown and shit, then I’m gonna jump in like a fucking hero and drag her out. Then I’ll put her on the deck and be all “everyone clear out! Give her some space!” and hot lifeguard dude will be so impressed with the speed of my response and he will definitely fall in love with me.”
“You want my sister to risk her life to be your inanimate wing-person?” Matt said incredulously.
“Well, I mean, she’s gonna be totally safe. I’m the–”
“–closest that Cuba’s ever gotten to a Michael Phelps, yeah, we’ve heard this before, McClain-the-almost-Olympian.” Lance pouted as Matt cut him off to finish his statement. “Okay, so it’s not like my sister’s life is in real jeopardy, fish man, but I still don’t like even the possibility of getting her in harm’s way, so I’ll be your wing–er, fin-person.”
Lance’s eyebrows flew up into his hairline.
“Oh my God, man, you’d do that for me?!”
“Well, no. I’d do it for Pidge, because I know you’d somehow guilt or challenge her into actually going along with your crap.”
Lance dragged Matt into the best rendition of a bone-crushing Hunk-hug he possibly could. The elder Holt let out a breathless “oof!”.
“Just so we’re clear, I’m not a fish man–no gills, just skills!”
Matt laughed and cuffed Lance in the shoulder.
Yeah, that totally did not go according to plan. Instead of the heroic rescue Lance was envisioning (which would have been a million times easier if it had been Pidge’s tiny frame rather than Matt’s much taller and considerably bulkier one), somehow Matt’s overly-convincing flailing limbs (didn’t he know that drowning people were usually a lot more… still?) managed to catch Lance across the face, stunning him long enough to send him under. Normally Lance could shake it off and get back up for air, but in the panic Matt’s scene was causing, there were a bunch of pool patrons rapidly trying to flee the scene. Lance ended up getting buffeted by legs and arms of all shapes and sizes, and started to get seriously concerned he wasn’t gonna be able to come up for air. Finally, his vision started to blur as his lungs burned for oxygen and an arm curled around his chest, this time guiding him toward the air rather than further underwater.
As soon as his head broke the surface Lance coughed and choked on a massive gulp of air, his air-starved brain too addled to prioritize between clearing out the water or sucking in the precious, precious oxygen. He ended up inhaling about two-thirds water with that breath and couldn’t seem to cough it back out.
Next thing he knew, he was being lain out on the rough concrete of the pool deck and there were hands poised over his breastbone–
“WAIT! KEITH, STOP!”
The hands paused and Lance blinked rapidly, trying to clear the dark spots from his vision. He looked up at his savior, and holy fucking shit, hot lifeguard dude was fucking gorgeous. And wet. And currently touching Lance’s bare chest over his hammering heart.
“The guy’s breathing, I think he’s just shocked. He’s got a pulse, he’s gonna be okay.”
Whoa, hot lifeguard dude’s friend, buff lifeguard dude, was also pretty hot. And super buff.
“Oh God, Shiro, he started choking once I got him out of the water, then went limp and unresponsive–”
“Hey, hey, I know, it’s okay.” Buff lifeguard dude’s hands closed over hot lifeguard dude’s wrists to help him stop his hands from shaking. Lance decided breathing would be a good thing to get the hang of right at that moment.
He coughed and hacked violently for a bit until he finally took in his surroundings. Matt was sitting not far from him, also dripping wet and looking mildly horrified but otherwise fine. Pidge was at her brother’s side, white as a ghost. Hunk was hovering behind them, wide, terrified eyes on Lance.
Both hot lifeguard dude and buff lifeguard dude were staring at him too.
Lance realized he should say something smooth and intelligent.
“Wow, dickwad, you didn’t even do a pulse check before attempting to break my fucking ribs?”
Ah, yes. Lance was the epitome of suave and charming.
Hot lifeguard dude went red–from rage or embarrassment, Lance had no idea.
“I just saved your life!” he exclaimed, gesticulating wildly. Buff lifeguard dude had to back off a few inches to avoid getting socked in the face. “I mean, you were unresponsive for thirty seconds, I figured you needed chest compressions just like any other unconscious choking person!”
Oh, right, he was technically choking on water.
“Yeah, well maybe I just wanted some mouth-to-mouth, okay?” he retorted.
Hot lifeguard dude was red before, but now he was… really red.
Lance fumbled to sit up properly as they guy finally said, “But… that’s not… how CPR works? We start with chest compress–”
“I’m a paramedic, I know how fucking CPR works,” Lance interrupted. Hot lifeguard dude’s mouth clicked shut. He was really fucking cute, dammit. “I also know your ass looks amazing in those red trunks and I’d love for you to show me how that works.”
If Lance didn’t know better about human physiology, he would’ve assumed hot lifeguard dude was a few seconds away from spontaneously bursting into flames. The guy scrambled back a few inches, seemingly desperate to put a bit of space between them.
Okay, ouch, he didn’t mean to cause that much anxiety or anything.
“Hey, hey, no need to be a flustered mess. We can try this again.” He scooted forward a bit, watching hot lifeguard dude’s reactions very carefully. Dark indigo ink eyes tracked his advance warily, but he didn’t move any further back.
“Hi, I’m Lance. Wanna grab dinner with me and then watch Netflix in our jammies?”
“I’m Keith,” hot lifeguard dude said gruffly, thrusting out his hand. Lance shook it. They were both still wet from the whole nearly-dying-in-the-pool thing.
“Also… uh, that sounds… nice?”
Lance just laughed and let hot lifeg–Keith help him to his feet.
“I cannot believe that actually ended up fucking working,” Pidge said in awe.
Hunk shrugged, “Well, that’s Lance for you. Paramedic by day, and sometimes night, or whatever comes in between, and future Olympian in his spare time.”
Matt rolled his eyes from where he was sitting on one of the pool benches, toweling his hair dry-ish. “Yeah, so no one cares that I almost drowned?”
Just then, buff lifeguard dude (because seriously, this guy was fucking ripped) put a hand on Matt’s shoulder and Matt jumped nearly three feet into the air with a squeaky shriek.
“Don’t sneak up on me like that!” he yelled.
Buff lifeguard dude somehow looked bashful despite his buffness.
“Sorry, I just… I figured you need to get checked out properly, after all that.“
Matt’s eyes narrowed and he waggled his eyebrows in a weirdly Lance-like fashion that scared the shit out of Pidge. “So you’re saying you’re coming over here to check me out?”
Buff lifeguard dude looked stricken before he honest-to-God blushed.
“I’m Shiro,” he said, endearingly awkward as he extended his hand for Matt to shake.
“What the fuck,” Pidge said.
I couldn’t resist throwing in the Shatt… hahahaha
Happy Lance Month! Working another 26h shift tomorrow so probably won’t be posting anything. Hopefully I’ll have another little ficlet written on Sunday. Feel free to send me prompts, feedback, suggestions, or comments! :)