the ingenues

anonymous asked:

We are all laughing at how Luke is reckless like his father, and how "skywalker" he is. But if he ever go on a mission with Anakin and behave like that, Anakin would be like "young man, you can't! When i was your age i certainly did not do that" (he did). Anakin would secretly beg Mothma to get Luke some paperworks instead.

Ahaha, yes, Anakin would firmly deny ever being as reckless as that. No way, I was always serious about serious things. (Unfortunately for him, there are people who remember, including a certain Force ghost, who are more than willing to share stories…)

He considers asking Mothma to make Luke stay away from dangerous situations, but he knows his own old behavior and Ahsoka’s behavior (and Luke and Ahsoka are actually kind of similar in a lot of ways, including ingenuity and recklessness, and the unholy combination of the two) and Luke’s behavior well enough to know that Luke would find his way into these situations regardless if he was officially supposed to be there or not. He’d rather Luke go with him or a team and be safer by being with a group who is at least aware that he’s there and can try to keep an eye on him, or at least tell someone if Luke does something stupid. And be there to help him if he gets injured or something.

He also knows that Luke would be incredibly annoyed at being stuck with paperwork, and he doesn’t want Luke to be annoyed.

anonymous asked:

mello mello mello~

My other garbage child!!! :D

- a lesson they learned in their childhood - Morality is overrated. 

- a reason they have for getting out of bed each morning - So he can wipe that smug smirk off that little albino fuck’s face. He’s generally motivated by winning so I guess his reason for getting out of bed is more to “show the world”. So yeah, it’s generally bitterness and his enormous ego. 

- a fear - He’s afraid of being forgotten and used up. Or even used in general, as that’s what he thinks Near, L and Watari have all done in the past and he hates losing control like that.

- a strength - I mean, he has very few strengths that make him a better and more well rounded person, but I’d say his biggest strength is his ingenuity and resourcefulness. Remember that some nobody fifteen year old kid turned into the man who held the entire world hostage. Though, he’s also incredibly brave and willing to go to extreme measures for what he wants. Which generally ties into both his greatest strength and weakness that is “not giving up” 

- how they think others perceive them - Well, he thinks people don’t really “see” him. He thinks they see him as second best more than anything, and not really worthy of attention. That’s him during Wammy’s House. During the time we see him, he thinks other people are scared shitless of him, and he is right.

- how they perceive themselves - He thinks he’s hot shit. A bastard, sure but he’s happy with that. He’s long since given up making L proud, and honestly wants to do make his every action just a massive “fuck you” to L, Watari and most importantly, Near. He thinks he’s clever, and deserves way more recognition, but that’s not because he views his own faults as holding him back, it’s because he thinks everyone is holding him back and he just wants to make them suffer for that. 

- whether or not they consider themselves a ‘decent’ person - No, and he’s perfectly happy with that. He thinks being a decent person is a fallacy, and is only concerned with winning. During his time at Wammy’s House, he thinks he’s an alright person. He thinks he can get away with how he treats people because he’ll end up saving them all once he’s L. :’)

- a temptation / proclivity they have - He bites his nails pretty badly. But there’s also that gut instinct to knock some kid’s teeth out the second they insult him.

- an alternate career to what they have in canon (if applicable) - Delivery boy. I mean, he looks so good in the uniform, hot damn. I don’t actually know. He seems dramatic enough to be an actor. But I guess, taking LABB into account an author too, but even ignoring that I can see him as an author anyway.

- how they waste time - bullying Playing video games with Matt, watching movies, reading, writing and occasionally playing soccer or hockey too. He likes sport but people generally don’t let him play.

so i wanna talk about dead or alive, the fighting game series

and i am absolutely gonna throw myself under the bus with this post and reveal my power level as the ultimate horny boy

i do this because i find the information i possess to be absolutely hilarious and 100% worth sharing

so

dead or alive 5, the fighting game, got a pc release, right 

dead or alive, in case you didn’t know, is a series known primarily for its cast of extremely conventionally attractive female characters, and said character’s ridiculously hypermobile titties 

so what happens when a game full of sexy ladies gets a pc release

titty mods happen

now, the creators of DOA5 know this, and basically said to PC gamers “if you nude mod this, we won’t give you Dead or Alive Xtreme 3″ 

Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 being a spinoff of the DOA series which foregoes all of the “fighting game” nonsense and focuses exclusively on bouncing titties and extremely small swimsuits

basically, the developers gave PC gamers a choice: eat dinner now and wait for desert later, or have your desert now and never eat again 

PC gamers chose the latter option and nude modded DOA5. they nude modded the shit out of DOA5. they made nude mods for DOA5 that were so high quality you would think you were looking at real photos of human beings if it weren’t for the impossible anime faces on them

and when DOAX3 released, PC gamers asked “where’s our one?” and the devs responded “you don’t get to have any. we warned you and you didn’t listen, and now you don’t get DOAX3.” 

too bad how sad, right? 

wrong

in response to this, PC modders bought PS4 copies of DOAX3 and just… ripped everything out of it. hacked the game, took out all of the models, animations, and costumes, and modded them back in to DOA5

so basically, PC modders meticulously recreated DOAX3 in DOA5. everything that mattered. 

and the funniest part of all of this?

DOA5 is free to play on PC

so when the developers of DOA denied DOAX3 to PC players, PC players responded by creating a completely free version of DOAX3 for themselves, with titties and everything. the DOA devs played themselves. 

i just think that this whole sequence of events is fucking hilarious. the sheer gall. the determination. the way things unfolded. it’s all so goddamn funny. the ingenuity, the community collaboration, the acts of defiance, all in the name of rendering a naked anime boob in 4K. it’s so goddamn funny.  

she was fire and rain. she sounded like confidence and smelled like virtue. she flirted with the truth and persecuted lies. she danced awkwardly and laughed too loudly, and was loved for it. she was the kind of girl that screamed what she wanted and whispered what she needed. she listened to top 40 and indie and classic rock, anything with lyrics that filled her with warmth like butterflies. she wore black leather jackets and dark red lipstick to show people the walls around her heart instead of telling them about it. she tore through books faster than lightning because words are the only way she’s learned to deal with anything. she swallowed her pain like pills and handed out pieces of her love like fliers. she loved sunsets and their pink and orange clouds, and how nature always gave us a beautiful ending to every day. she was wildflowers and bubbling springs when she loved, but teeth and flashing red moons when on her bad side. she liked to think that people were everything good and everything bad, and that she herself was some beautifully cruel mystery.

America has fallen to invaders. But somewhere in occupied San Francisco lurks a dangerous resistance cell, equipped with firearms, ingenuity, and a seemingly limitless supply of C4: the Mythbusters.

anonymous asked:

So like it's pretty cool how humans figured out how to bake. Like we made edible chemistry, we like mixed all of theese reactions together to make a delicious cake. Imagine an alien seeing this for the first time.

Oh my goodness!! My first prompt! Thank you!

Hruk’ib didn’t understand why everyone was so concerned about the humans. For the most part, they were polite and friendly, they followed the orders of their superiors, and they didn’t hesitate when it came to tossing protocol out the airlock in dire times. Hruk’ib respected them and had known from Day One that these members of their crew were not just allies but assets.

So it was that when Hruk’ib smelled strange smells coming from the food preparation bay, he wasn’t too upset; a couple of the humans - Konani and Frederik - loved to work with food and did so regularly. Still, curiosity drove him to enter the bay, and it was when he entered, the doors’ hydraulics hissing open and then closed, that he sensed the excess heat.

FIRE!

He froze where he stood, every instinct of his species urging him to flee yet conflicting with the ingrained training of the fleet to make sure his crewmates were safe and away and not near fire! He couldn’t see it, there was no smoke, but he felt it – hot enough to reduce flesh to nothing more than charred ashes.

“Oh, hey, Hruk’ib!”

Hruk’ib’s head snapped around to find the two humans hovering around one of the many stovetops. In his peripherals, however (and it was a miracle in the first place that he noticed at all), he spotted the most unholy mess: white dust coating a prep table, glob-like splatters of what looked like sticky excrement in bowls and dripping onto the tabletop, and at least four or five of what looked like some kind of metal mesh trays on various nearby counters. The trays bore small, round objects that appeared solid and gave off a most enticing scent.

Then his eyes drifted back to the humans who stood uncertainly. Konani had heavy, cloth gloves on her hands and held a long, thin tray. Her brown eyes flicked from him to Frederik beside her and back again. “Um, this batch has to cool but if you want a cookie, there are some fresh ones, uh, everywhere.” She gestured with her elbow to the counters.

The humans were calm. Why were they calm in the face of fire? They weren’t that stupid. They were determinedly foolhardy at times, especially when ethanol was involved, but even humans got worried when fire threatened.

Hruk’ib forced himself to take a deep breath. The heat rushed down his throat and into his lungs – no ash, no smoke, just heat. It was a different heat, similar to when they passed too close to a star and the very ship felt like an… an oven.

The oven was not designed to give off this much heat!

“What is it that you are doing?” he asked, trying to calm down.

Konani busied herself with the…cookies, leaving Frederik to explain. “Ve are baking,” he said. “Ve asked Yensen to tveak ze oven settings because zey vere too low for baking cookies.”

“We asked permission first,” Konani added. “Captain K’alo said we could but only if we did it to one. We made a notice and everything so other crew won’t accidentally set fire to their food.”

Frederik stepped out of the way and Hruk’ib spotted the massive note tacked to the wall above the stove in question. The bright red sign was impossible to miss and the white letters were clear in both Earth’s English, as well as Hruk’ib’s native language of Jubri.

Hruk’ib nodded his head in the humans’ agreement signal. “Very well. I was afraid you had set the room on fire. We usually do not encounter this kind of heat outside of the engine cores,” he explained.

“Ah,” said Konani. “That makes sense.”

“Ve apologise for startling you, Hruk’ib,” Frederik added, pressing his palms together.

Hruk’ib smiled at the human displaying the sign for formal apology among his species. He lifted his left hand, palm turning inward and then upward to accept it, and Frederik smiled in turn.

With her hands still full, Konani simply inclined her head to him, also apologising.

“What is baking?” Hruk’ib asked.

“In a word, chemistry.” Shedding the gloves, Konani faced him fully, leaning against the counter. “It’s different from cooking because the ingredients in baking react to the heat and, if you get the recipe right, work together to create something else. It’s not like we’re roasting meat where we have to cook it to eat it safely. You can eat an unbaked cookie without much threat.”

“Alzough, zere are many people who zink you can get salmonella - zat is food poisoning - from eating ze dough because of ze raw eggs,” Frederik put in.

“Oh,” said Hruk’ib. “Then, you are conducting a chemical experiment.”

“In essence, yes. Want one?” Konani held a mesh tray out to him.

Now Hruk’ib drifted forward, purposefully ignoring the mess, and bee-lined for the tantalising aroma wafting from these strange, dark-brown discs.

“They’re a friend’s recipe,” Konani explained. “She made sure I had enough cocoa powder to last me ten solar cycles, though I’m not sure I’ll use it all.”

Hruk’ib chuckled, sensing the humour, and picked up a cookie. It was still warm between his appendages. It was solid yet somehow soft, almost moist… He flicked his tongue out, sampling, and was rewarded with a burst of flavour. He took a bite. Barely hard on the outside, it was luxuriously soft on the inside. He had never eaten one of these things in his entire life and yet something about eating it and the smell of it reminded him of home, of blankets and coziness and something that was better than camaraderie: family.

Science. This rapturous product was one of science. May the humans and their ingenuity never die out.

Hruk’ib licked his fingers before turning to the two humans who watched him with mixed expressions of humour and curiosity. “May I have another, please?” he asked.

Konani grinned while Frederik laughed.

“Of course!” she answered while Frederik continued to chortle. “But it is a universally acknowledged truth that a glass of cold milk always accompanies the eating of cookies.”

Hruk’ib took the glass Frederik gave him, interchangeably eating and drinking. Milk and cookies, together: a universally acknowledged truth, indeed.

*~Venus Signs~*

Venus in Aries: Men with this placement are attracted to feisty, sassy, passionate women. They appeal to women by showing their boldness. Secretly, they want a woman to get on top and ride them! Women with Venus in Aries like to dominate a man, express sass, and they are full of va va voom as lovers! She gets herself in trouble as she sometimes speaks with a sharp tongue. She’ll just as easily knock someone down with her attitude, as she’ll stick up for herself without inhibition! Aphrodite carries a flaming torch thru unexplored lands, leading others behind her. Marching bravely, sometimes acting carelessly, she learns lessons the hard way as she assumes she knows what other people will say or how scenarios turn out. She doesn’t often look before she leaps, the vitality within her doesn’t have time to wait and think things thru; this could actually be a virtue in the sense that she can quickly respond to crisis. Acting on impulse propels her to be a go-getter; truth is, we need impulsive people just as much as we value cautious people. The zest in her soul drives her to persist, there’s hardly any joys she will have missed! Her adventurous spirit always finds something to do, in an instant, she rises anew.

Venus in Taurus: Men with this placement value commitment and stability in relationships. Either their lover is entirely committed to them or they don’t want a relationship at all. They savor comfort food and enjoy playing music. Their patience allows her to understand what’s going on before acting. Women with Venus in Taurus are very charming and have the ability to get along with many people because they have a pleasant disposition (unless other items in their chart indicate chaos). People with Venus in Taurus often indulge in sweets! Gee I wonder who raided the cookie jar? ;) Aphrodite basks in the sunlight, surrounded by the tenderness of newly sprouted daisies and newborn animals. Squirrels scurry up a budding tree, lizards saunter at her toes… She picks a fresh pair off the branch, playing a flute as the wind blows… Spring chicks chirp as she stops to smell the roses.

Venus in Gemini: Men with this will try to appeal to women by learning a variety of subjects, they know how to chat a woman into bed ;). They value women with intelligence. Venus in Gemini charms people on by being adaptable. Gaining knowledge is one of the greatest pleasures, as they can use their varied interests to appeal to many different love prospects. Their fickle nature is curious about many types of people that they don’t always know what they want. They can date around with a lighthearted attitude, appreciating people of various walks of life, cohorts, styles, and skillsets. A pleasing voice aids them in their talent of persuasion. Women with a Gemini Venus are curious to get with a variety of men (or women). The duality of Gemini may be inclined to attraction of more than one gender; or even power play, alternating between D/s roles. Kinks, toys, sex positions, and different kinds of sex are treated with an open mind, experimentation is playful! Venus in Gemini is a jester in love, sometimes they treat it like a game and don’t realize they’ve led someone on. They’d rather not be pinned down as they’re a natural flirt. Their intellect tends to be scattered, learning bits of many subjects without mastering any. They struggle with commitment in love or projects, unless other planets indicate otherwise. For the most part, they live to experience all that life has to offer, getting a taste of many flavors of romance, their sex life, food, and various art movements.

Venus in Cancer: The way to their heart is thru a home cooked meal. Their self-esteem is highest when they have a lifestyle that allows them to flow in their rhythms, they are likely not the type who thrive under pressure or like to be challenged, they’d rather experience security where they can allow their inner child to be expressed. Men with a Cancer Venus are attracted to nurturing women who are motherly. They may subconsciously seek women who resemble their mother, or women who heal their mommy issues. Women with Venus in Cancer express their femininity by intuiting how to appeal to others, they aren’t loud and proud with their female expression, more timid and imaginative. If she has honored the divine feminine, by caring for her body the way that feels right to her, she will shimmer with feminine mystique, pulling in men with her tides of alluring womanhood. Aphrodite dives in the dark creepy depths of the sea, unlocking secrets from a treasure chest buried under sand made of crushed up seashells that were formed thousands of years ago. A peek into the past, she yearns to feel the entire ocean in her heart, to swim in memories so vast… She carries an ocean jasper with her, to hold onto a lost love, she’ll never forget. She admires pearls with iridescence, hoping someone will cherish her essence.

Venus in Leo: Women with this can be bold and expressive, excited to pursue creative projects and they experience physical pleasure with vigor. Compliments make her swoon, she’s a well-groomed babe applying makeup oh so artfully. She is so bright and passionate, she can commit (as Leo is a fixed sign) but the fire of spontaneity can also enjoy flirting with someone just one time to validate herself as a bombshell. Men with Venus in Leo are attracted to confident women who are glamorous. They love to stroke a woman’s ego. Aphrodite dolls herself up with rosy cheeks, bright eye shadow, gold sequins contouring her dashing figure, her hairdo gains attention, and she speaks with pride from her juicy lips. She can daringly make out with someone she barely met.

Venus in Virgo: an earthly sensuality that is physically affectionate and turned off by those who brag. Discerning about how they give out their love, they know what they want in a partner and will not settle! They enjoy critiquing art and ideas. Men with a Virgo Venus respect women who value accuracy in the topics they speak of, and a woman who is willing to get down to work. They make a point to be courteous and considerate, as the Virgo archetype cares to put their best foot forward, realizing that you do need to care what others think in order to be a productive person. However, a life of nitty gritty work turns them cynical to the point of picking out the faults of others. The caution of Venus in Virgo is to become aware of one’s own negativity, learning to be more open and tolerant. These people are modest unless certain placements by the sun or Jupiter suggest otherwise. Aphrodite harvests the fruits of the earth for a feast, nourishing their loved ones with all the essential amino acids.

Venus in Libra: A soft sweet romantic who keeps an open mind, interested in others’ opinions. Libra is an ingenue, with many men drawn to her, she doesn’t want to hurt any of their feelings so she may accidentally lead them on! She can find the beauty in everyone, and she may need someone with strong Virgo in their chart to help her determine who is worth her time, and who may not have best intentions. Libra wishes to be the socialite, spending lots of time with many different kinds of friends without realizing how these friends are influencing her/his thoughts. Libra has that way of compromising discernment when it comes to the truth of a situation in order to go along with the viewpoint that is popular among their friends. A Venus in Libra girl will go along with what their man says, she probably likes to be dominated. An evolved Libra gathers a bunch of information, to seek justice and truth instead of what pleases others. Venus in Libra is very persuasive. With his/her friends, someone with Venus in Libra likes to make others feel included, their fair minded disposition brings everyone together with the goal of increasing harmony in this world.

Venus in Scorpio: This woman is daring and intense, she is not easily impressed! Her abilities of discernment and judgement protect her from getting hurt, but when they do get hurt, heartbreak stings them to the core… People with Venus in Scorpio radiate sexuality and like to have a dramatic appearance and attitude. Men with Venus in Scorpio have a dangerous appeal, they’ve explored darkness that many cannot handle and they might even be kinky. There has to be a genuine emotional connection in your relationships or else you’ll feel unfulfilled. Venus in Scorpio has a chaotic love life as they are addicted to feeling a love that shakes them to the bones! Aphrodite dangles spider webs from her fingertips, her skin is pale as she’s been plotting revenge in her cave instead of basking in the light, she brews a potion of hypnosis in her cauldron; whoever drinks it is doomed to fall madly in love with her… She likes knowing she has power over others, she doesn’t care for diplomacy unless if she’s using it to hide her suspicions…

Venus in Sagittarius: You enjoy dates where you’re exploring new territory, whether that be hiking trails, or conversing intriguing topics. You’re wild and adventurous in your love life even if you’re more cautious and sensible in other areas. Taking chances and trying new activities gives you a thrill. You’re curious about foreign cultures and other peoples’ perspectives. Men with Venus in Sagittarius desire women who are spontaneous and open minded, bonus points if she introduces him to new ideas and places. They tend to be loose with their money, as men with a Sagittarius Venus are generous to a fault, and put off by frugality. They’ll get caught up in the passion of the moment, using up too much of an item, to find themselves with none left later on. If someone with Venus in Sagittarius doesn’t have enough earth in their chart, they struggle with being unaware of consequences until the shit hits the fan. Aphrodite sings a prayer with 108 Tulsi beads, banging a gong under a pagoda, blowing a didgeridoo in the outback for dreamtime, hunting for mescalito in the Sonoran desert, trying a tribal dance on the savannah, playing a harp in the Scottish highlands with fairies…

Venus in Capricorn: You indulge in the pure physical sensation of sex and might not get so emotional about it (unless other factors in the chart say otherwise). You value good quality food and a love prospect has to meet certain standards of yours for you to commit to them, otherwise you enjoy entirely physical connections with the opposite sex. These people are cautious about falling in love, as they are hesitant to be tender and vulnerable in relationships. Men with Capricorn Venus value women with sensibility, superb taste in food, music, clothes, and art. They are horrendously turned off by people who are unrealistic, all over the place, impulsive, or assuming. They cannot stand it when people jump to conclusions, they’re “hold your horses” type of people. Aphrodite expresses herself in a classy suit, she may have flair but it is very refined. Her polished presentation of herself sets a respectable impression. It’s not that she never goes wild, but she waits for the correct time to do so. Underneath her self-conscious tendencies is a satyr enjoying themselves in the forest. Someone with Venus in Capricorn can thoroughly savor their connection to the earth, barefoot on the gems and minerals of the dirt, every pressure point of her toes receives the energy of the stones. Playing the pan flute while gaining a tan from sunbeams, eating their grapes one by one, sauntering thru meadows and mountains, having the patience to notice the mathematical beauty of the ferns in the Fibonacci sequence…

Venus in Aquarius: You appeal to others with adorable quirkiness. You may have the capacity to be detached during sex. From a psychological perspective, someone with an Aquarius Venus might have experienced a heartbreak or trauma that caused them to be detached in how they feel about relationships. Rationalizing one’s romantic life reinforces the idea of being in control of their feelings, even though their love life is chaotic. They can categorize lust from romance from lurve from infatuation, yet their feelings could be so erratic and unstable that they fool themselves into thinking they’re more logical when love isn’t meant to be logical. There can be a neurosis in attempting to understand relationship dynamics. A tendency to be kinky will make this person want to experiment with going wild in the bedroom. Unpredictable people hold their attention! They are turned on by people who stimulate their mind. Venus in Aquarius people value the broad spectrum of gender and sexuality, homophobes lose major points with them. Men with an Aquarius Venus are drawn to chatty women who flaunt their intellect and women who aren’t afraid of strange people. Aphrodite skips up the Ethernet cable, connecting humanity if the internet connection is stable. Networking a group together, harmonizing social dynamics for a grand plan. We’re comrades till the end, brainstorming ideas, testing theories, until you unfriend. Spurts of inspiration, an outcast in cynical contemplation. Seeking reactions by acting life a freakazoid, the free spirit could care less who’s annoyed!

Venus in Pisces gives you capacity to love freely, but the caution is that you put on “rose colored glasses” figuratively when it comes to love. You may put your love interests on a pedestal, getting caught up in the fantasy. You may fall for people who seem kinder than they turn out to be, as you can get carried away with your excitement, to the point of blinding yourself to the flaws of a love interest, only to get hurt in the end. You likely need to learn to understand boundaries, and be firm in sticking to them. Seeking pleasure in escapism, may enjoy having a glass of wine or smoke a bowl to release the pressure of the world. Men with a Pisces Venus are attracted to dreamy girls who go with the flow rather than women who challenge them. They value adaptability rather than someone stubborn. Aphrodite dreams endlessly, perceiving messages from the spirit world, peering into another reality… A sea of psychedelia stares back at her, where do all the whirlwinds lead? “How do I distinguish what I truly need?” Carried away on spending for indulgence, swept away by a new romance, she is enamored by her own brain chemistry. Lost in a blur of pure feeling, in her own world, the collective consciousness is revealing.

–Sellieve
Remember, any given planetary placement can be overruled by other factors in the chart. Most of us are contradictory people. Some of your other planets may interact with your Venus in a way that is harmonious or a clash. Feel free to ask me about it!
If you’re interested in a reading that synthesizes your Venus placement with the effects of your Mars, with the power of Pluto in your chart, along with the gifts of your Jupiter, contact me, and I am happy to write up a report about your chart! AcaiPsycheLife.tumblr.com/readings

i. I miss you. each day that you’ve been gone has felt like a bullet hole in my chest, and whenever I try to pull it out another one takes its place. I’ve missed you so much that looking at you hurts, because all it does is bring back everything I’ve ever felt for you and suddenly I can’t breathe. so whenever you look at me and I turn away, please don’t take that as an “I hate you,” but an “I hate that I can’t look at you without dying inside.”

ii. you are beautiful. you are so lovely in your own conventional way that everyone else are flecks of brown and gray. you are wildflowers in june, the eye of a hurricane, city lights at midnight, sunlight through glass. there is nothing manufactured, nothing plastic about your eyes formed from stars and the freckled marks of the earth sprayed across your cheeks.


iii. I will never leave you. I know the last time you let me in your heart I fumbled and let it break, but please forgive me. I was blindsided and weak and I will gladly spend forever making up my mistakes to you. I have always loved you and always will, it just took me a little longer to realize. but you always knew this, and if you’re still sure then say the word and I will be too.


iv. I love you. not the kind of traditional, puppy-eyed love, but the kind that breaks down walls and can be heard from miles away. the kind that romeo and juliet died for, the kind that our grandparents live for. I love you the same way the ocean loves the shoreline, and no matter how many times I am drawn away, I will always find my way back to you.

—  all I ever wanted to hear
Show Me a Dwarf Thief, & I'll Show You a Dead Dwarf

(I play a rogue, and my party was exploring an ancient dwarven fortress from the days when demons flooded the world. So, every other door and every other wall had a trap. Between me and the dwarf skald, we spot most of the traps without a problem. With a few exceptions, such as this narrow hallway:)

Skald: Hey [Rogue], watch that square. It’s a pressure plate.

DM: In fact, what tips you off is in the engravings on the wall, there’s a dwarf pointing it out as if it was a funny prank.

Rogue: Oh, that’s rude. Alright, you can stay outside with the rest, I’m gonna check the rest of the hallway, and jump over the square.

(I make an acrobatics check to make a 10 ft. jump.)

DM: You make it over the pressure plate no problem, and are feeling pretty good about it until you hear the *click* of the floor beneath you. The hallway begins filling with water, and the doors lock behind you.

Rogue: Oh fuck you, dwarf architects.

(Thankfully, the strong party members kept the door open until I could escape. This continues until after we’ve fought scores of undead, beaten two haunts, and disabled a number of door and wall traps. We’ve seen a scorpion tail-shaped poison trap in a vault door, a gunpowder room door rigged to explode, a wall designed to spray acid a la The Mummy, and a chapel built to drop bombs from the ceiling that was left on by the priest before he died. We’re clearing out the last two rooms…)

Skald: [Rogue], another pressure plate.

Rogue: …Alright. I’m going to disable this pressure plate, and then examine IN GREAT DETAIL, the square directly behind it.

DM: Alright, you disable the plate by removing the hydrogen bags connected to them. These would have been opened into the hallway and ignited if you stepped on the plate.

Rogue: Holy shit, dwarves do not fuck around. What about the plate behind it? I examined that as much as possible!

DM: You pry the tile up with your knife, and you hear a *click*–

Rogue (Panicking): NO! EVERYBODY OUT!

DM: –But when you look underneath the plate, it’s clear that the floor tile is designed to make a *click*-ing sound when being manipulated with, say, by a rogue searching for traps. On the underside, the tile reads in dwarven, “Ya think we’d use the same trick twice?”

Rogue: … [Skald], I-I… I mean no disrespect to your race or your culture, but for rogues, dwarves are just… the absolute worst people ever.

Skald: I understand. I admire their craftsmanship and ingenuity, but there’s a reason there are no dwarf thieves.

DM: Okay, to the rest of the party, around the corner, you hear [Rogue] crying.

Rogue: *sobs*!

Hey kids let’s get meta for a moment.

Let’s say aliens are real, and let’s say we communicate with them, and let’s say they find out about this weird internet thing where humans write little mini stories about future human interactions with aliens.

Can you imagine how fucking confused and concerned they would be? These two-legged assholes who were so enamored with the concept of meeting other intelligent species, even though for the longest time they had NO CONCLUSIVE PROOF that said other species exist, that they wrote stories about those other species, to the point of making up creatures and systems of mood communication and names for their made up aliens? 

Which brings me to my Great Theory About The Purpose Of Storytelling: it’s practice. We tell stories about that time we had the flu really bad to practice getting the flu with our friends so we all know how to properly manage the symptoms. We tell stories about our children to practice dealing with their unpredictability. We tell stories about war and famine and pestilence to practice dealing with disaster. And we tell stories about aliens to practice etiquette for dealing with aliens. 

We tell stories of our own ferocity and ingenuity to practice for the day we have to either defend our planet or invite ourselves into an alliance. We tell stories of our aggressive pack-bonding to practice bonding with creatures that are literally alien to us. We tell stories about trading chores for passage on space ships to practice Just Because They’re Aliens Doesn’t Mean You Can Be Rude. 

And of course, if we can practice bonding and cooperating with creatures that may not even breathe oxygen, we can practice bonding and cooperating with each other.

you looked over across the room at her. and there she was. her head tossed back, long hair flipped over one shoulder to frame the right side of her face. she is laughing, showing off all of her teeth, her nose scrunched up in the way you used to love. her eyes meet yours for a split second, and then it hits you. it’s her, it’s been her the day she walked into your English class two years ago. but then she’s looking away, the same smile still on her face, and you know that she’s never going to be yours again.
—  wish we could turn back time