This is a kind of discourse I usually try to avoid, because “people are saying mean things about a group I belong to, and I must defend our honor” tends to be a pretty bad look, but…
There’s been a fair amount of discussion recently about the idea that gender nonconformity among cis men is harmful or offensive to trans women. (Which, to be clear, is a terrible and toxic idea.) And people are talking about, like, why trans women would be invested in upholding a narrow range of acceptable male behavior.
But it’s been my experience that most of the loudest voices saying that gender non-conformity is offensive to trans women are cis people puporting to speak on our behalf rather than trans women (who, after all, very frequently have histories as “men” who fail to conform to male gender roles in some ways). This is not universally true –there are a fair number of trans women who are virulently anti-drag, and a smaller but non-negligible number who oppose cross-dressing and gender nonconformity more generally– but it seems to me that the worst offenders tend to be cis people speaking for us.
Which makes the psychologizing about “Why do trans women want this?” seem a little bit distasteful. I don’t want this, I don’t think most trans women want this, I think the reason that people latch onto this idea is that trans people are in vogue and offer a convenient excuse for enforcing the same gender norms that they’ve been enforcing for decades. This is something that’s deeply harmful to trans women, and it’s happening in our name but not so much with our input, and centering the conversation on why we want this feels a bit like the archetypal schoolyard bully asking “Why are you hitting yourself?”