the human vacuum cleaner

BTS 4th army zip magazine unit interview: Suga + J-Hope

Q1:what do you think of  "SOPE" as your unit name?
Suga: Yes I like it.
J-Hope: I like it too, this is like the most suitable name for Suga & J-Hope unit.
Suga: after a lot of thought and consideration I came up with this unit name.

Q2: What was your impression of each other?
J-Hope: my first impression of suga hyung? he wore only undergarments the first time I saw him I’m shocked and speechless.

Q3: Have you guys thought of promoting as an official sub-unit?
J-Hope: seriously never thought of this, like how is this going to happen?
Suga: let things happen naturally, instead of making things happen let things happen intstead.

Q4: About your strengths and weaknesses
Suga: I received a lot of energy from Hobi. you can say that I’m the one who are more laid back and not so active while Hobi is active, the sunshine you must have in your life.
J-Hope: I am like a power bank, to recharge Suga hyung when he needs more energy.

Q5: How is it like when you are with J-Hope?
Suga: it feels like I can just stand there and do nothing,  Hobi’s bright personality changed me.

Q6: Suga said J-Hope is like his personal power bank, whenever he needs more energy, he will go to J-Hope.
J-Hope: (Suga) Just…a hyung that sits next to me? *laughs* seriously tho, when I’m with Suga hyung I can clear away those negative thoughts in my mind. (Suga: that’s right I’m like a human vacuum cleaner with high suction power to clean away your negative thoughts).

Q7: Other than music, what do you want to do together?
Suga: design clothes? figurines? Never mind then we should open up an exhibition
J-Hope: exhibition? ohhhhh sounds good.

Q8: Last question. what do you mean to each other?
Suga: like I said just now, Hobi is like a Xiaomi power bank, I need him when I need strength and more energy.
J-Hope: Suga hyung is…. (Suga: yes I’m a cleaner a vacuum cleaner). No, suga hyung is my everything!!

TRANS: jimint1013
DO NOT TAKE OUT OR REPOST WITHOUT CREDIT

theauraking  asked:

So it seems Clint and Steve both seem to be a bit lacking? Yeah lacking in intelligence. But who's done the dumbest thing since being thawed out

i am not even gonna consider this question, because if i start thinking through all the stupid nonsense clint and steve get up to i will hurl myself out a window purely in self defense. 

none of the avengers should ever spend time together. separately, theyre reckless to the point of idiocy; together, they fight crime. and cause massive amounts of property damage, and have reduced several psychologists to tears. it wasnt pretty.

but you know, fate of the world and all that nonsense. 

(to be fair to them, none of the avengers are stupid. they just get sucked into each others bad-decision vortexes)

in the interests of preserving that most blessed of coping methods, denial, i will only consider what steve and clint have gotten up to in the past two weeks. 

which still gives me a horrifying wealth of options.

dumbest thing steve has done? accepted clint’s challenge to a spicy-food-eating contest. captain triangle torso has enhanced senses. he takes his NORMAL food underseasoned, because his taste buds are extra-sensitive, and he took a spiciness challenge from clint, who spent his developmental years eating literally anything. last week i watched him pour pineapple juice into his hot chocolate. it was terrifying. i have seen clint drench jalapenos in ghost pepper sauce and eat them.  i have seen him put chocolate on pizza. there is nothing that man will not eat. 

nothing.

steve got one bite in to one of clint’s ghost pepper chicken wings and his whole face swelled up and turned red. he kept eating. his eyes and nose were running. he got three bites in and was leaking from his whole face. he looked like he was gonna die. he drank a gallon of milk and was in bed for over a day. his fancy supermojo can fight off toxins but not ghost peppers, apparently. he said it was the most painful thing he’d ever felt, the supersoldier easy bake experience included. 

clint finished his bucket of ghost pepper hot wings and played mario kart for three hours. which is what he usually does on wednesdays. 

dumbest thing clint has done lately? “borrowed” natashas favorite dagger set. her vengence was swift, brutal, and left clint sans eyebrows and with tony’s goatee drawn in sharpie, refreshed nightly for a week. talk about shame.

she is a ruthless woman.

as to which of these was stupider? i honestly cant say, and thinking about it makes me regret so many decisions. 

so many. when did my life become this nonsense

Loki experiencing a normal every day life would include:

A/N: sorry all i can post is headcanons because of my exams. I was going to write a fic on this idea but things rarely go exactly as planned. Also i am uploading this and writing this through my phone which sucks ass. Hope you guys like it!!

Originally posted by avengersmemes

•thor leaving loki with you because you’re the only avenger who he knows wouldn’t mind.
•"lady (y/n), it would be the biggest favour you can do for me.“ thor pleads. You agree after some reluctance.
• “alright, hot shot. Get your ass of the couch and well me do the chores.” you cross your arms over your chest. “i’m a royal. I do not do ‘chores’” he says from the couch.
• you roll your eyes and making him dangle in the air with a motion of hand.
•"ah yes, you had powers.“ he sighs. “help me and you wont have to keep flying around.” you make him waver a bit. “fine!” he agrees and you put him down.
• “you might wanna change.” you suggest. “no” he declines. “change.” you glare. “even your royal arse can’t do any work in thise thise fancy-shamancy clothes. Change and get it moving.” you say dominantly. He agrees.
• he looks dashing of course.
• “last time someone looked at me with such intensity, *he walks closer to you* we made love all night long.” he smirks at you. You straighten up and roll your eyes.
• teaching him is hard but he is fascinated by all the everyday objects.
• “so it plays music?” he examines your Bluetooth speaker. “this is very interesting…”
• though he’s fascinated he can’t wrap his head around everything.
• “i don’t understand this.” “this is very frustrating.” “you do what i say, voice in the little human device!” “why can’t you lazy humans use brooms?! Is it necessary to use vacuum cleaners which are so difficult to use!”
• him jumping every time the breads pops out of the toaster.
• “keep the pan down Loki, the bread won’t harm you.. ”
• him helping you with the hard to reach tall places.
• “thank you.” you smile. “you’re welcome.” he smiles back content with doing something good.
• “you deserve a reward.” you look at him. “does that include no clothes now?” he smirks. “Loki!” you slap his arm and he laughs.
• you order pizza and settle down with some beers in front of the TV. You pat down the place next to you and he sits next to you.
• getting tipsy and cuddling.
• finding him adorable as he look at the screen with child like wonder.
• kissing his cheek mumbling a thank you and falling asleep.
• he smiles at your sleeping face and brushes away stray hair from your face.
• Thor and Darcy finding you two asleep and cuddled up.
• Thor is confused. “i ship it.” Darcy says mostly to herself. Thor gets more confused.
• “why would you ship these two?”
• “no. That’s not what i-qm damn it, i’m tired of explaining you stuff” she leaves.
• “Darcy! Why and where would you ship them?” he follows her

A Summary of Tokyo Ghoul:re Chapter 131

-Kids: we want to be read to
Kaneki: how about I
Kids: Not you king BOI

-Spy kid drools over Kaneki’s edgy phase

-Ken stop ripping from the route a opening

-Kaneki: I KNOW I GOT THE HARRY POTTER GLASSES BUT I AINT NO CHOSEN ONE

-Kaneki on the right path of becoming a dilf

-You got to eat Ghoul dick again Kaneki

-Ayato: I don’t speak Tokyo Human

-Kaneki becomes the vacuum cleaner for Touka as neck

-Kaneki couldn’t You eat touka out like a normal person

-Next time on Tokyo Ghoul:re: Biting might be kinky but buy her a ring next time

werewolf!renjun


  • okay so obv werewolves aren’t human’s favorite monsters
  • there are hunters and poachers and people who just plain kill werewolves on sight
  • you are a circus worker
  • the newest circus addition is the werewolf exhibit, where a tamer brings out a werewolf pup for all the humans to gawk at
  • and tbh you don’t rlly like it. the thought doesn’t sit well w you,,, but you don’t know how to stop it
  • there’s this lil werewolf pup in a small cage in your mobile circus,, and you’re doing your nightly checks on the cages when the pup starts whimpering???
  • and you know your boss told you not to open the cages but you figure letting the little gray wolf walk around for a bit won’t hurt anything
  • so you unlock the cage
  • and it’s almost instant,,,, like as soon as he crawls out of the cage he transforms into a boy
  • like a human boy
  • and his gentle brown eyes are wide and he’s like “you’ve got to get me out of here”
  • he’s frantically looking around as if your boss is going to see him
  • and he’s like “at least feed me a burger or something i haven’t eaten in days”
  • you ??? bc your boss told you that he was keeping the werewolf fed????
  • the werewolf boy licks his lips and looks around “i smell pancakes and eggs”
  • you are highkey surprised by how good his scent must be
  • “well there’s a diner just down the road??”
  • “pls pls pls take me there. i won’t complain or anything and i won’t try to run i just need food”
  • and you feel so bad bc you had no idea your boss wasn’t feeding the boy/pup and you hate that you’ve gone this far without noticing
  • “let me get my bag to pay for your meal”
  • but gUESS WHAT
  • you decide that you don’t want to be around some toxic circus owner who mistreats monsters so you quickly pack up your entire suitcase and sneak back to where the werewolf was waiting
  • luckily your boss could sleep through a nuclear war so he hears nothing
  • when you return back to the boy he’s shivering so you give him your jacket while the two of you walk down the street towards the diner “try to get the cheapest thing on the menu,” you tell him
  • and he’s nodding like yeah i understand i’ll get one (1) scrambled egg pls
  • you realize he thought you meant it meanly, that he shouldn’t be allowed an expensive meal, so you quickly shake your head
  • “no! not like that just … I need to save enough money for two train tickets back home,,,,”
  • it takes the boy a few moments to realize that you are offering to take him away from the circus
  • “i-isn’t this your job? won’t we get in trouble?”
  • you shrug “the pay’s lousy and i don’t want to work for a man who treats people like he’s been treating you. i would’ve taken you out of i had known sooner … ”
  • “renjun! my name is renjun.”
  • he smiles down at you,, and you notice that he has a cute lil snaggle tooth and his hair looks soft nd pretty
  • like a field of wheat or gold or smth equally as mesmerizing
  • “i’m y/n.”
  • the two of you eat at the diner, and the waitress sneaks a few extra pieces of bacon onto his plate after seeing how starved renjun seemed
  • then you guys hit the late train
  • the two of you look like runaways, with your bag under your feet and renjun sleeping w his head rested on your shoulder. the two of you sleep the whole way home,,, and you call your parents at the station to come pick you up
  • and they’re like,,, glad you left the circus if the boss was an abusive douchebag,,,, but also they’re like,, you can’t just steal a werewolf and expect us to keep him,,, they get violent you know
  • so renjun can’t stay w you
  • and he’s highkey sad bc he really likes you and your scent is comforting to him
  • he holds your hand while the two of you walk around town,, trying to figure out what to do
  • when you stop in front of this large gothic house that definitely looks haunted,,, and there’s some kind of swampland right behind it??? in the suburbs???
  • renjun’s like where are you taking me what is this
  • but you brighten like i know a boy who lives here! his name is mark and he’s a witch! he told me once that he lives here w a bunch of other monsters including a werewolf!!
  • “but i can’t just live w random monsters they won’t accept me as their own”
  • “sure they will,” you assure him, “they do it all the time.”
  • you knock on the door
  • it’s opened by the disgruntled human doyoung, holding a handheld vacuum cleaner
  • “hello”
  • you squeeze renjuns hand and blurt out “my friend’s a werewolf and he needs a place to stay.”
  • werewolf!sicheng pushes doyoung out of the way from wherever he had been hiding and grabs renjun by the shoulders like “where are you from? did you have a pack? how old are you? what color is your fur? does the moon affect you too????”
  • nd it takes taeil to pull him back like calm down buddy he’s just a pup
  • bc honestly renjun is small like he’s really not a very big kid and his wolf form looks like a medium sized puppy (not that nct know this)
  • but renjun is pretty calm i mean he gives off this calm aura and he introduces himself and answers all of sicheng’s questions
  • it isn’t long before nct welcome him into their home of misfits n monsters
  • renjun loves it there,, and he calls you every day from mark’s phone to tell you about it
  • soon doyoung enrolls him in mark’s school so he’s able to get a good education
  • and he gets to see you every day so he’s happy
  • life w nct is so much fun for renjun
  • he’s a part of the club for canines w sicheng jaemin and mark, although he doesn’t understand why mark is there he doesn’t ask questions
  • realized v v quickly that doyoung doesn’t like his werewolf form simply bc he hates the fur on the couch
  • it acts up his allergies so renjun tries his hardest to remember not to change his form
  • but sometimes he and sicheng and jaemin change into dog forms and chase each other around the house for fun so he forgets abt doyoung
  • poor doyoung
  • doesn’t rlly know abt the werewolf/vampire rivalry until donghyuck explains it to him
  • except he rlly exaggerates everything and makes it seem like there was some kind of conspiracy that started the whole war
  • taeil has to shut him up and tell renjun that it was simply a question of which mosnter was more fearsome
  • renjun doesn’t think he’s scary at all
  • he doesn’t think sicheng is scary either
  • the two of them eventually learn to calm each other down during the full moon so much that neither of them are very scared of the moon anymore
  • what renjun is still afraid of are humans
  • the only humans he likes are doyoung and you
  • otherwise he gets rlly skittish and nervous around them
  • you don’t know this but he has nightmares a lot about the circus and your boss locking him up again
  • he has nightmares abt you not rescuing him and him starving in the small cage
  • it’s hard for him to sleep all through the night he usually wakes up whimpering
  • and he crawls under sicheng’s covers to feel some kind of comfort
  • but one day sicheng is out for the night on a date
  • and when renjun wakes up sicheng still isn’t home,,, and he doesn’t want to wake the other boys bc he isn’t sure if they’ll understand (spoiler alert: they will and they do)
  • so he steals mark’s phone and calls you up
  • even though he isn’t crying you can hear the tremor in his voice
  • “renjun? what wrong?”
  • nd he breaks down and tells you everything,,,, how he’s scared of most humans,,, and every night he dreams of the circus,,, and how he’s terrified that your boss might find him one day and demand he return
  • you rush over to the house immediately and renjun lets you in
  • the first thing he does is hug you
  • and he sniffs your hair
  • i know that sounds wierd but renjun connects your scent w his freedom and safety,, and just the scent of you helps him feel more at ease
  • he doesn’t want to let go like his hands are clasped at the small of your back so tightly he isn’t in any hurry to release you yet
  • the two of you sit on the couch and watch late night cartoons w a blanket covering your legs
  • nd eventually renjun lays his head on your lap and tells you all abt his dreams
  • while you run your fingers through his hair
  • he falls asleep like this, and you do too after a few minutes
  • when mark wakes the two of you up the next morning to get ready for school, you’re both snuggled up close to each other
  • you give renjun your hoodie to sleep w at night so he’ll feel safer,,,, and bc of this he has a lot less nightmares
  • wow i love werewolf!renjun
  • the end


part of monster!nct collab w @trickortaeil

anonymous asked:

Do you have any good hybrid au fics? I think I've read them all😭 I need new ones

Hello! Yes, I do have a few in mind! A lot of these are smutty, and some are more “unorthodox” hybrid tropes, I hope you’re okay with that <3


Home by dulcetlove

Taking in what he assumed was a stray hybrid dog, Jungkook takes care of Jimin.
The cute hybrid has brightened Jungkook’s dreary days and warmed his lonely nights and Jungkook learns that he cares a lot for the elder. And Jimin finds that he cares for the younger just as much.

The small apartment doesn’t feel as empty anymore, now that Jungkook had Jimin to call his home.

Phase One by TheHalesNyx

Jungkook bites his lip again, searching Jimin’s face with his own wide, curious eyes. Jimin waits, brushing through his boyfriend’s hair with his fingers. “I could… wait ‘till Sunday night to take the meds?” Jimin frowns, blinking up at the hybrid, but before he can ask him why, realization dawns like a warm ember, curling low in his gut.

He and Jungkook have had sex. They’ve had lots of sex. They’d never, however, had sex without Jungkook on suppressants. A little under a year of living together, just over six months of sleeping together, and Jungkook had been on suppressants since long before they’d met. It was pretty unusual, but then again, most everything about Jimin’s relationship with the canine-hybrid was unusual.

Hey Kitty, Kitty by jonghyunslisterine

Jungkook and Jimin have been dancing around each other for ages, then Jimin goes into heat.

In for a Penny, In for a Pound by lutalica

What Jimin wants, Hoseok would go to the ends of the Earth to obtain, figuratively speaking. It just so happens that what Jimin wants this time isn’t as simple to acquire as going down to the nearest convenience store or mall and swiping a credit card a few times. That’s okay though, Hoseok has totally got this.

Like Cats and Dogs (We Get Along) by lutalica

there’s a house cat on the loose making lightly of the perils of living on the streets and as a stray, Jeongguk feels it his duty to teach the audacious hairball a lesson.

The Red in Your Fur by dipshitae

Innocent; not a word Jungkook would least describe the boy—from all the humans he’s fest on, this one is far the most unhinged, but in the best way.
—Jungkook, a complacent wolf who inveigles Jimin into a good fuck.

like cats and dogs by abcaitlyn, the95liner

Jungkook’s eyes widen in shock, he couldn’t believe in ears. Without a moments delay Jungkook leaned forward, capturing Jimin’s lips between his own in an urgent kiss. His hands rested on Jimin’s ass, squeezing his cheeks. He let one of his hands drift to Jimin’s tail wrapping it around his fist as he strokes the length.

“God.. I don’t know where to touch you first..”

or..

Jungkook is in love with the kitten next door but this kitten has claws.. Jimin knows he has very strong feels for Jungkook but are they really negative?

The unlikely wingmen by mxinhyuk

The town he lives in houses a lot of wild rabbits, because he can’t go a single day without at least one rabbit following him to school, to work, or to his apartment.

He doesn’t know why its happening, he doesn’t why these rabbits like him so much, he just knows its inconvenient most of the time.

Or, Jungkook likes Jimin and Jimin thinks the bunny hybrid with bunnies following him everywhere is cute.

cat got your tongue by teecysh

As a cat hybrid, Jimin is scared of many things. He’s scared of the vrooming machine humans call vacuum cleaner, he’s scared of cars, he’s scared of people stepping on his tail. But mostly, he’s scared of the large bunny who keeps following him around and trying to sniff him.

When You Come Back by zzmijetina

Taehyung was looking for Jimin and as he got inside maknae’s room he froze in his tracks at what he saw.

“What the fuck are you two doing?”

Jungkook stopped as Jimin’s head shot up, eyes wide and pretty shade of pink colouring his chubby cheeks.

“Isn’t it obvious, you idiot?” Jungkook snapped.

New Home in You by snatchim

Abandoned dog hybrid Jimin finds a new home in a very introverted Jungkook.

The Tale of Spicy Noodles and… Cats? by jiminniexmochi

Jungkook just wanted some spicy instant noodles. That’s it. He didn’t think he’d end up returning with a fucking cat.

Lost and Found by makoharuiscanon

Jimin scoured the cave, but his mother was nowhere to be found. He scented the air warily, not picking up much besides his own scent, sweeter than usual. Jimin’s lip began to quiver, eyes beginning to brim with tears. He really didn’t want to cry, he was a big boy now, maybe it had been time for his mother to leave him. But she hadn’t warned him or anything, and his body was on fire, and his stomach was empty, and he was alone.


I don’t know if you’ve read all these yet, but I hope you enjoy~ 

...and welcome to the hUNHhhht! part 2
  • Henryk: A life-size human person.
  • Yurie: The only surefire way to disengage your temporomandibular joint - DOCTOR BITCHCRAFT!
  • Willem: Put the "pal" in "high school principal".
  • Gilbert: The human vacuum cleaner with an insatiable hunger for pain.
  • Micolash: You're going to die up there.
  • Laurence: The 12th step that always sends you spiraling back down.
  • Ludwig: The visual depiction of untreated mental illness.
  • Simon: The award-winning life coach who's been dead for 25 years.
  • Brador: The original American horror story.
  • Maria: The beautiful blonde babysitter who won't get out of here without singing the blues.
cat got your tongue (2131 words) by teecysh
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin
Characters: Jeon Jungkook, Park Jimin (BTS), Min Yoongi | Suga
Additional Tags: Cat Hybrid Park Jimin, Bunny Hybrid Jeon Jungkook, Fluff, Humor, Cuddling & Snuggling, bratty jimin, jungkook just wants cuddles
Series: Part 6 of jikook drabbles
Summary:

As a cat hybrid, Jimin is scared of many things. He’s scared of the vrooming machine humans call vacuum cleaner, he’s scared of cars, he’s scared of people stepping on his tail. But mostly, he’s scared of the large bunny who keeps following him around and trying to sniff him.

N: He’s going to lose on purpose if he likes you, but if you’re dating then he’s going to try to get to your lips as fast as he can. Imagine N taking fast, but very quick bites toward your lips, and then chickening out in the end if you’re not dating and full on smooching you if you are. “I won! I won the game and your heart, right?” 

Originally posted by vixx-syndrome


Leo: Pfffft. He’s going to be too embarrassed and giggly to even play it right whether you’re dating or not. But once he calms those butterflies of his, expect him to take an enormous portion of the stick just to get close to your lips so you have no where else to move. Ballsy, eh? “Oh, sorry I got a little carried away there.”

Originally posted by chabulous

Ken: He might be a little serious if he likes you, most likely taking his time and letting you win. But if you’re dating, then it’s going to be hard for you to keep a straight face as Ken tries his best to get to your lips in one bite. He’ll probably break the stick too early trying to be a human vacuum cleaner. “You were taking too long and I wanted to kiss you already.”

Originally posted by jaebmz

Ravi: If he likes you, then he’s going to try to be cool about it by taking enough bites to get close to your lips in hopes that the stick breaks before he blows his cover of crushing on you. Which his cover would definitely be blown considering he’d be staring at your lips or eyes the whole time instead of the stick. If you’re dating, he’ll probably just eat the whole stick and then kiss you. “*eats stick* There I won. Give me some sugar!”

Originally posted by arabmorgan

HongBin: If he fancies you, he’s going to chicken out and break that stick early because his mind would be too focused on the ‘what if?’ part of the game in the event your lips got super close to his. But if you’re dating, he’s going to get to those lips in under five seconds. Confident HongBin is a sexy HongBin. “Y’know you don’t need a ruse to get me to kiss you. But I know I taste better with dessert.”

Originally posted by chabulous

Hyuk: All right, this human being. If he likes you, he’s just going to play it cool and play the game normally. No surprises or nervousness there because he’s probably still trying to feel you out. But when you’re dating he’s going to be the goofy dweeb that he is and most likely break the stick, steal it from you, eat all of it and anything else he can do to make you laugh or annoy you. The two of you would literally go through a whole box of sticks and then some before either one of you can be declared a winner. “Oops. The stick broke. Oh crap! It fell. Dang it! Maybe if my lips weren’t so kissable you’d actually focus on the game and stop breaking the sticks!”

Originally posted by vixx-confessions

Thanks for asking!
-Admins Cheezy ^_^ & Dearly :3

What if Yixing tried to complete all of his chores but a bored Chanyeol kept getting in his way. Like while Yixing was watering and talking to the plants in his garden he would notice Chanyeol nibbling at the mint and rosemary. While baking cookies for a bake sale he had to shoo a sugar covered Chanyeol off the counter with a rolling pin. After spraying Chanyeol with water when he kept chasing the vacuum cleaner, he told him he’s a human now and must act like it and he’s no longer a raccoon.

justgirlythings #5372

when he kiss u so so so bad he sucks ur entire face off thru a black hole and into another dimension like a human vacuum cleaner while propelling his whirlwind tongue muscle into the darkest pits of ur esophagus at TOP speed

2

C-3PO & R2-D2: MODERN HUMANS AU
i wanna be your vacuum cleaner, breathing in your dust
i wanna be your ford cortina, i won’t ever rust
if you like your coffee hot, let me be your coffee pot
you call the shots babe, i just wanna be yours

Confession

Lately I just feel sad and lonely and as though I don’t really have much control over my existence. That I am just here based on pure circumstance and what kind of labor someone can derive from me. I feel like I’m living on borrowed time, I’ve overstayed my welcome and there is no feasible way for me to continue. I just feel so desperate for people who truly want me and understand me, but I feel like I only exist in fragmented pieces. There’s no space for me to be whole. It’s impossible to assert your humanity when someone only sees you as a vacuum cleaner. Sometimes I don’t care if I die, perhaps no one would really notice. It’s a selfish thing to do because of the real world consequences it would have. No death is without debt. But sometimes it just feels so freeing, to be able to be done with all this. I know that by being a black woman I don’t have much value. In capitalism I’m not worth anything inherently. There’s nothing I can do for people to love me. Everything is just work.