the human vacuum cleaner

theauraking  asked:

So it seems Clint and Steve both seem to be a bit lacking? Yeah lacking in intelligence. But who's done the dumbest thing since being thawed out

i am not even gonna consider this question, because if i start thinking through all the stupid nonsense clint and steve get up to i will hurl myself out a window purely in self defense. 

none of the avengers should ever spend time together. separately, theyre reckless to the point of idiocy; together, they fight crime. and cause massive amounts of property damage, and have reduced several psychologists to tears. it wasnt pretty.

but you know, fate of the world and all that nonsense. 

(to be fair to them, none of the avengers are stupid. they just get sucked into each others bad-decision vortexes)

in the interests of preserving that most blessed of coping methods, denial, i will only consider what steve and clint have gotten up to in the past two weeks. 

which still gives me a horrifying wealth of options.

dumbest thing steve has done? accepted clint’s challenge to a spicy-food-eating contest. captain triangle torso has enhanced senses. he takes his NORMAL food underseasoned, because his taste buds are extra-sensitive, and he took a spiciness challenge from clint, who spent his developmental years eating literally anything. last week i watched him pour pineapple juice into his hot chocolate. it was terrifying. i have seen clint drench jalapenos in ghost pepper sauce and eat them.  i have seen him put chocolate on pizza. there is nothing that man will not eat. 


steve got one bite in to one of clint’s ghost pepper chicken wings and his whole face swelled up and turned red. he kept eating. his eyes and nose were running. he got three bites in and was leaking from his whole face. he looked like he was gonna die. he drank a gallon of milk and was in bed for over a day. his fancy supermojo can fight off toxins but not ghost peppers, apparently. he said it was the most painful thing he’d ever felt, the supersoldier easy bake experience included. 

clint finished his bucket of ghost pepper hot wings and played mario kart for three hours. which is what he usually does on wednesdays. 

dumbest thing clint has done lately? “borrowed” natashas favorite dagger set. her vengence was swift, brutal, and left clint sans eyebrows and with tony’s goatee drawn in sharpie, refreshed nightly for a week. talk about shame.

she is a ruthless woman.

as to which of these was stupider? i honestly cant say, and thinking about it makes me regret so many decisions. 

so many. when did my life become this nonsense


Lately I just feel sad and lonely and as though I don’t really have much control over my existence. That I am just here based on pure circumstance and what kind of labor someone can derive from me. I feel like I’m living on borrowed time, I’ve overstayed my welcome and there is no feasible way for me to continue. I just feel so desperate for people who truly want me and understand me, but I feel like I only exist in fragmented pieces. There’s no space for me to be whole. It’s impossible to assert your humanity when someone only sees you as a vacuum cleaner. Sometimes I don’t care if I die, perhaps no one would really notice. It’s a selfish thing to do because of the real world consequences it would have. No death is without debt. But sometimes it just feels so freeing, to be able to be done with all this. I know that by being a black woman I don’t have much value. In capitalism I’m not worth anything inherently. There’s nothing I can do for people to love me. Everything is just work.

  • Fandom: Erwin is selfish! He said humanity needs Levi, humanity needs Eren, but he wants them for his own selfish reasons.
  • Erwin: I belong into humanty too, you know? I'm a human, a part of the humanity.
  • Erwin: As it's said in the dictionary: Humanity: all human beings collectively; the human race; humankind.
  • Levi: I think humanity needs vacuum cleaner the most.
  • Erwin: Vaacum cleaner: an electrical appliance for cleaning carpets, floors, etc., by suction.
  • Levi: Thanks.
  • Erwin: Thanks: Thank you: expressing one's gratitude or thanks.
  • Levi: Erwiiiiiiiiin!
  • Erwin: Erwin: A male given name: from Old English words meaning “boar” and “friend.”.
  • Levi: What kind of evil book is this dictionary?
  • Erwin: What: used interrogatively as a...
  • Levi: Shut up, or hell happens.