the human cannonball

anonymous asked:

I wanna see Link from LoZ: Twilight Princess somehow tricking Revali into going in Fyer's Human-cannonball ride or see how Revali react to seeing the Oocca race! :)

and as for the Oocca race…

what even is an Oocca w g a t they’resoweirdhhhhhhhhh

  • what she says: i'm fine
  • what she means: every time i need to see your face i just close my eyes and i am taken to a place where your crystal mind and magenta feelings take up shelter in the base of my spine sweet like a chic-a-cherry cola i dont need to try and explain i just hold on tight and if it happens again i might move so slightly to the arms and the lips and the face of the human cannonball that i need to i want to

Frank Zhang was in battle, fighting hundred of powerful monsters alone. He had hardly any arrows left. They were almost impossible to retrieve since they kept disintegrating with the monsters, but not one arrow went to waste. He recognized each monster in a matter of seconds and knew exactly where to shoot. His aim was perfect, and he would’ve been unstoppable. The death arrows helped, which instantly killed each monster if shot with perfect aim. But he only had one arrow left. Panic rushed over him as he ran through his options. He wanted to run so badly but he couldn’t leave Hazel. Instead, he morphed into a fifteen feet tall, fire breathing dragon. Where is Hazel? He thought as he flew over the forty foot monsters. He couldn’t risk getting distracted to look for her. He dodged canon balls, arrows, greek fire, and many other deadly weapons as he ripped some enemies apart with his talons. As time went on, he kept getting more and more tired. Alas, he dodged the wrong way as a cannonball smacked him in the face. As he fell, he was forced to morph back into human form. The cannonball would’ve blown his head off if he wasn’t a dragon. When he landed, a jolt of pain rippled up his spine and he knew he must’ve broken all of his bones. At least, that’s how it felt. The pain was unbearable. His face felt like it was chewed by a shark and spit out. He tried to move but he couldn’t. He hardly knew what happened next. He heard a terrible, piercing noise and felt surrounded by death. All around him, everything stopped. He couldn’t see or hear any of the monsters.

“FRANK!” He heard someone wail, who must’ve been Hazel. If it wasn’t for the pain, Frank would have started sobbing like a baby. He just wanted to hold her and tell her that everything would be okay. He tried calling out for her, but he didn’t have to. She saw him and ran.

When she approached him, she gasped. “Oh my gods!” She cried, which must’ve meant he looked pretty terrible. She tried to find ambrosia or nectar to feed him.

“Hazel.” Frank managed, but it sounded more like ‘A-el.’ She was sobbing uncontrollably, rambling about finding help.

“Hazel,” he repeated, and pain shot throughout his body. He definitely had a broken jaw, and probably a broken skull. She stopped mumbling but couldn’t control her sobbing. They both knew he was a goner. He didn’t want her to waste the ambrosia. He knew there was no way he would survive this and needed her to. She had to move soon before they were found.

“Stick.” Frank said, his voice hardly audible.

“Frank, no!” Hazel was screaming and hyperventilating. However, she knew he wouldn’t die unless he had his lifeline in his hand. She didn’t want him to suffer any longer than he had to. He remained quiet and she hesitantly pulled the stick out of her jacket, and then out of the fire-proof pouch.

"W-wha- how. How am I supposed to go on without you?” She said through sobs, and Frank couldn’t understand her. She couldn’t even stand to look at his shredded face, nor his wrongly bent body. Frank tried to grab his stick but he could hardly move. He felt so selfish, leaving her all alone. He wanted to keep fighting for her, but he already lost. They was no getting better. He just needed the pain to stop. He couldn’t give her false hope. Hazel knew he was suffering. She knew he couldn’t live. She placed the stick in his hand.

“I love you, Hazel Levesque,” Frank said. He put all of his energy, all of his might, into those last words. He could feel his jaw slipping off of his skull and almost screamed in agony. He needed the pain to stop. He felt Hazel grasp his hand and kiss his forehead. He thought of fire and felt his hand warm up.


Magic Balls

Last month Yorkshire’s mighty Magic Rock Brewing graced us with the limited annual release of the celebrated double and triple IPA versions of their core range US hopped IPA, Cannonball. And it was all a bit crazy. Their tap and the few bars and bottle shops lucky enough to get their hands on this duo were descended on by all manner of motley creatures eager to sup of the mystical juice bombs. Unable to reach the Magic Rock Tap due to work and stuff I searched for other options, and after defeating all comers (well, a 92 year old with chronic arthritis and an excitable Flat Coated Retriever) in an Armed Police Batrider arcade showdown for PRIZES! I wandered into the light of the day better off by the sum of as many magic balls as I could carry.

Human Cannonball Double IPA (9.2% abv) was up first, and once again the mad-hype was entirely justified. So damn hazy it looks like you could take a bite out of it, it’s semi-sweet up front with bold and zesty grapefruit led citrus, overripe mango, pineapple jam, hints of caramelised biscuits, and an eruption of evergreen that leads into a dry and hella bitter finish. The carbonation is medium soft, the body full. A triumphant brew.

Un-Human Cannonball Triple IPA (11% abv) is every bit as big and juicy as you could want and much more. A positive eruption of citrus and tropical fruit juice, all pineapple and gwaaaarva and mango and clementine, there’s candied zest, lurking caramel malts, and a nicely bitter sting in the tail. Again it’s full bodied and flawlessly carbonated, a mouth wateringly delicious creation and absurdly drinkable for such a potent brew. Well, ‘til you reach for the glass and fall over…

So Magic Rock deliver the goods again, a duo that match the best new fangled craft brewed DIPA’s and TIPA’s I’ve ever had from these Isles. Human Cannonball delivers a wonderful combination of sweet tropical juice and pine flavours with a potent bitter finish, Un-Human Cannonball takes this tropical juiciness to the extreme with an even more complex fruitiness while easing off on the pine and the packing less bitterness. If you were lucky enough to try these then whichever you prefer doesn’t matter in the slightest, they’re both absolutely stonking. If you missed out I feel for ya, and y’d better practice those STG skilz y’hear?


I’m Coming Baby!

“Babe? Where are you? I’m starving! What are we having for dinner?” Wally zooms into the apartment he shares with you eager to spend some of the free time he has with his best girl. He speeds around the apartment trying to find you, the door was open so you must be home. The question is where?

“That’s weird,” Wally says to himself in confusion, scratching his head. “Y/n?” He then stands still calling out your name. This is out of the norm, you’re always home at this time of day. Wally tells himself that you must have popped out for something, for dinner perhaps. But nonetheless, he decides to call you to be sure. 

Wally taps his foot, waiting for you to pick up your cell. Eventually, he gets through. “Y/n, where are you? I just got home and you left the door open.” He is first to speak.

Keep reading

Imagine if HoO was 6 Books instead of 5

> the climax of BoO is the fight with the gods and Titans, which means we get a bit more interaction between the gods and the 7

> Percy’s nosebleed didn’t wake her up immediately but she will fully awaken in 48 hours. It ends with that cliffhanger.

> the last book has chapters from each of the 7, like in HoH

> They still get slapped back to camp, but this time with enough time to talk to the Romans, make peace and defeat the “auxiliary forces” before Gaea comes for them (obviously it’s still difficult because Gaea is much stronger than before and gets stronger every minute)

> By the time Gaea does arrive with her own monster army, the camps are ready - the Romans have built walls and stuff and the imperial gold and celestial bronze weapons have been handed out so each demigod is sufficiently armed.

> Moving speeches from Jason and Percabeth.

> Much more details for the fight against Gaea.

> They use the same method to get rid of Gaea, but this time it feels more natural (Leo tells most people his plan, obviously not all of it though. Frank convinces Percy he’s needed more on the ground) and less rushed.

> Octavian still dies, but as he valiantly fights to defend the camps, not as a human cannonball.

> More aftermath! Burning burial shrouds. The beads for the year (it’s red to represent fire and has a picture of Festus the dragon on it - most people wanted to have the Argo II on it but the 7 insisted on Festus, to properly honor Leo’s sacrifice) - each roman gets one too

> Percy’s reunion with his mom

> More Percabeth

> more of all the ships

> a longer, more detailed Caleo reunion, the last chapter from Leo ends the same way.

> the last chapter is from Percy’s POV and it involves him and Annabeth being hand in hand, imagining a future together in New Rome, etc, because it all started with Percy, so it’s only fitting that it ends with him too!

I think about this a lot.

Short stories for the signs


There’s a five star hotel down the road. It looks like an abandoned castle, something that could have a graveyard behind it. But the stars are all there. Some say the owner plucked them from the sky because it would be easier than earning them. Nobody knows who he is but there can’t be that many people in the world who can pluck stars from the sky. An old lady who can see the hotel from her bedroom window says the stars live in the hotel sign for the whole month except during the full moon. That’s when they go visit their families up in the sky. Or maybe just the moon. Maybe the stars are in love with the moon, or the other way around. All the old lady knows is that she saw the stars leaving late at night and when she woke up in the morning they were there again. Nobody knows who the owner of the hotel is. Maybe someone should ask the stars.


The girl wants to be someone else when she grows up. She doesn’t know who. Sometimes she says she wants to be something else. She doesn’t know what either. All she knows is something’s not right when she looks in the mirror. On some days, her hair is the wrong colour; on others, it’s her feet that are too big. “I have too many hands”, she complains, “and not enough eyes. I was born to have more eyes.” Her parents think she’s going insane, she makes less sense day by day. But then, when the girl is 21 years old, to the exact second, her bedroom door is closed. The windows are shut, the father knows the lightbulb in the lamp doesn’t work, but there seems to be light coming out from under the door. No key will open it but suddenly it creaks. The light changes colour. No wonder she didn’t know what she was born to be. It’s staring right at her parents and they don’t know what it is either.

Keep reading

  • Girl: I'm fine
  • What she means: Anytime I need to see your face, I just close my eyes And I am taken to a place where your crystal mind and Magenta feelings take up shelter in the base of my spine Sweet like a chic-a-cherry cola I don't need to try and explain; I just hold on tight And if it happens again, I might move so slightly To the arms and the lips and the face of the human cannonball That I need to, I want to

Achievements & Trophies: Lara Croft and the Temple of Osiris 

In anticipation of Lara Croft and the Temple of Osiris’ launch on December 9, we’re giving you a hint of what awaits through our in-game Trophies and Achievements. We maximized the amount of rewards that each platform would allow for a digital-focused title, and hope you find them fun and challenging. Take a look at the full listing below, and get ready to “Stick’em with the pointy end!”

PlayStation Trophies

  • A Journey Begins – Escape the Pyramid of Osiris (Bronze)
  • Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking – Complete the Tomb of the Timekeeper (Bronze)
  • Why’s it have to be snakes? – Complete the Tomb of the Silversmith (Bronze)
  • No bug is too big for these boots! – Defeat Khepri (Silver)
  • I should buy a boat – Complete the Tomb of the Ferryman (Bronze)
  • Burn it with fire! – Complete the Tomb of the Lamplighter (Bronze)
  • Nothing a belly rub can’t fix – Defeat Sobek (Silver)
  • You know what grinds my gears? – Complete the Tomb of the Architect (Bronze)
  • That’s a wrap – Defeat the Pharoah (Bronze)
  • Stick'em with the pointy end! – Complete the Tomb of the Torturer (Bronze)
  • Bad…Doggy? – Defeat Set (Silver)
  • Tomb Raider – Complete All Challenges (Gold)

Xbox & Steam Achievements
(Gamerscore value only applicable to Xbox Achievements)

  • What’s in the box? – Unlock a Treasure Chest (5g)
  • Up for a Challenge – Complete a Challenge Tomb (10g)
  • Gotta Start Somewhere – Find your First Weapon (10g)
  • I love tombs! – Complete all Challenge Tombs (30g)
  • Bling me up! – Wear two rings and an amulet (10g)
  • Your death won’t be in vain! – Collect enough canopic jars to unlock an onyx weapon (15g)
  • Tomb Raider – Complete all challenges (125g)
  • Pyramid scheme – Complete all Pyramid of Osiris challenges (30g)
  • Into the future – Complete all Timekeeper challenges – (30g)
  • Snake Charmer – Complete all Silversmith challenges (30g)
  • What were we standing on? – Complete all Khepri challenges (20g)
  • I was told there would be boats – Complete all Ferryman challenges (30g)
  • Lit all the things! – Complete all Lamplighter challenges (30g)
  • Heartburn – Complete all the Sobek challenges (20g)
  • Who builds their own tomb? – Complete all Architect challenges (20g)
  • The stabbiest tomb of all – Complete all Torturer challenges (30g)
  • All bark and… - Complete all Set challenges (20g)
  • Time is of the essence – Complete any level time challenge (5g)
  • Gotta have them all – Complete any red skull challenge (5g)
  • Learn from the best – Complete any gold score challenge (5g)
  • Human cannonball – Bomb a player in a magic shield in a local or online multiplayer game (5g)
  • Not on my watch! – Revive another play in a local or online multiplayer game (10g)
  • Long distance relationship – finish any tomb in online multiplayer (10g)
  • Couch Party – Finish a tomb in a 4-player local multiplayer game (15g)
  • No worries, I got this! – in a 4-player local or online multiplayer game, be the only player to not die in a tomb (10g)
  • Oh, were we suppose to share these? – Get the most gems in a tomb in a local or online multiplayer game (10g)
  • Primus Inter Pares – Get the most kills in a tomb in a local or online multiplayer game (10g)
  • Hey, at least you are the best at something! – Have the most deaths in a tomb in a local or online multiplayer game (10g)
  • A Journey begins – Escape the Pyramid of Osiris (20g)
  • Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking – Complete the Tomb of the Timekeeper (20g)
  • Why’d it have to be snakes? – Complete the Tomb of the Silversmith (20g)
  • No bug is too big for these boots! – Defeat Khepri (45g)
  • I should buy a boat – Complete the Tomb of the Ferryman (25g)
  • Burn it with Fire! – Complete the Tomb of the Lamplighter (25g)
  • Didn’t see that coming – Defeat the Oracle of Osiris (25g)
  • Nothing a belly rub can’t fix – Defeat Sobek (60g)
  • You know what grinds my gears? - Complete the Tomb of the Architect (30g)
  • That’s a wrap – Defeat the Pharaoh (30g)
  • Stick’em with the pointy end! – Complete the Tomb of the Torturer (30g)
  • Bad…Doggy? – Defeat Set (100g)
The signs as roles in a circus
  • Aries: fire-breather
  • Taurus: one of the ppl that stands on the elephants
  • Gemini: trapeze
  • Cancer: clown
  • Leo: lion-tamer (what did u expect)
  • Virgo: tight-rope
  • Libra: motorcycle in the sphere
  • Scorpio: ring-leader
  • Sagittarius: circus horses
  • Capricorn: daredevil
  • Aquarius: human cannonball
  • Pisces: contortionist
Zodiac Circus

External image

Aries- Fire eater or fire breather.

Taurus- Flag Spinning or Juggling

Gemini- Trapeze

Cancer- Magic Tricks

Leo- Lion Tamer or Ring Leader

Virgo- Animal trainer with dogs or birds

Libra- Tight Rope Walker

Scorpio- Human cannonball or Snake charmer

Sagittarius- Clown or mime

Capricorn- Trainer of Elephants or Trick riding

Aquarius- A talent or freak act like Strongman, Midget, Bearded Lady, Ventriloquism, or walk on hot coals or lay on a bed of nails.

Pisces- Acrobat