actually the funniest thing about the fyre festival fiasco is that basically a bunch of rich kids were on a regular normal camping trip instead of a “glamping experience” or whatever privileged asshole bullshit they signed up for and now they’re out here acting like they survived a war zone. like oh the horror, becky and chad had to eat a cheese sandwich and pee in a porta-potty, somebody call the fucking red cross
The human steps onto the station from her shuttle, and walks into the scanner. It flashes - no weapons. I pity her, though there’s nothing I can do for her. By tomorrow she will be a slave the same as me; the Gaunvans collect ambassadors like trophies.
“Hello there! Amanda Thorn, ambassador for the Empire of Humanity. You’re a Ixian, correct?”
Mimicking human body language, I nod my head. "That’s correct. Ix Malasan. It is an honor to meet you.“
She smiles, reminding me again that she has somehow modified herself to breathe atmosphere suited to the Gaunvans rather than wear a respirator like myself. Other than that she appears to be a standard human, something I am led to believe is less and less common as they pursue the bizarre compulsion humans have to alter their bodies. Changing hair color, adding pigments to their skins in patterns and pictures, growing long tails or ears that mimic other species from their planet. No other known species tampers with their bodies like this.
“Not to be undiplomatic, she says, "but the Gaunvans enslaved your people. Why are you here?”
“We… reached a mutually beneficial agreement. We would have lost in combat and been eliminated, so we chose to preserve what we could of our culture. The Gaunvans are not naturally skilled at diplomacy, so they bring me along to assist and to show that peace can be made.”
She nods. "Understood. I can respect that choice. How much freedom do you have, personally?“
Smart of her, to start planning for her future. "A fair amount. I have free reign on the ship when we are in transit. At the homeworld I have reasonably comfortable quarters.”
“Have you ever met the Empress, or…?”
“Oh, no. No, while on the homeworld I am confined to my chambers - but they’re quite spacious.”
“Shame. Okay, plan ‘A’ then. Let’s get this over with.”
Despite my attempt at encouraging diplomacy, the Gaunvan commander starts with threats. I don’t know why I bother. He looms over the human, chitinous plates almost black in the dim light. His pod of six is posted around the room, for show more than for actual security since she followed orders and came alone and unarmed. "Failure to surrender will bring the full wrath of our army upon you. Humanity will be crushed, and wiped from the universe.“
To her credit, she looks very calm. "We live in a post-scarcity society. Bloody conquest just seems silly, doesn’t it?”
“It is for the glory of Gaun!”
“Well, I’m not prepared to get into a religious debate with you,” she says, “since I doubt there’s anything I can do to change your mind. Since you’re committed to this course of action, what are you willing to offer if we surrender?”
Now he goes back on script. Maybe I am getting through to him a little? He talks about the benefits of being enslaved, mainly the protections for up to twelve designated culturally historical sites. They’ve been mostly good on their word on my homeworld, though they did use the area just outside of the Hahhn Memorial as a waste dump.
She nods as she listens. There was a part of me that was worried she would argue, because the humans are somewhat childlike. They don’t understand the horrors of war. Certainly they fought in the past, but the last time they had to battle was more than two of their generations ago, so these ones have all grown up coddled and soft. They play games with each other instead, silly competitions. They make art, and play pretend, and alter their bodies for fun. They don’t have weapons anymore, and wouldn’t know how to use them if they did.
“Well then,” ambassador Thorn says, “this is about what I expected. On behalf of humanity, I would like to formally reject this offer.”
Oh no. Foolish humans. The galaxy will miss your innocence. The commander makes an excited clicking noise, looking forward to combat. He reaches a blade-tipped hand towards ambassador Thorn, but hesitates as every device in the room bleats out an alert - we’ve all lost communications with the outside.
Like one of the dances humans do, she gracefully pivots around while taking his hand. She ends up close to him and places her other arm against his thorax, then… oh gods. Gods, what… she’s ripped his arm off. It’s not possible. The commander is clearly thinking the same thing, staring in mute shock at his dripping limb.
“I’d like to extend a counter-offer,” she says, and flips the arm around before jamming the bladed end into his neck. The warriors around the room are fidgeting, uncertain. They haven’t been told to attack, and don’t want to dishonor their commander by intervening in a fight with such a small creature. She’s still holding the commander’s severed arm in his neck, but she rotates and heaves, lifting him off the ground with it for a moment… and then his head pops off, landing squarely on the conference table. She allows the corpse to slide to the ground, and straightens her clothes as if they aren’t covered in ichor.
I don’t understand.
The warriors, now with no orders at all, finally act. She smiles as they come for her, I suppose because she has done her duty to send this powerful message of resistance. She can die in peace. Or… no… She’s killing them. She’s smiling because this is fun for her. Though they’re partly killing themselves; if there had been two of them, prepared, strategic, they might have prevailed. Watching six panicked fighters get in each other’s way while trying to stop a smaller, faster, and somehow impossibly stronger foe is almost hypnotic. At least one is killed by the stab of a friendly lance due to pure confusion. It’s over faster than I would have thought possible, severed limbs strewn across the room. I’ve got some fluids splashed across my clothing. Only one yet lives, and he is retreating. She seems to be allowing it.
She follows behind, holding a lance. The wounded and scared warrior scurries down the hallway towards his ship, looking back behind him as he goes. She’s just… walking. Calm. And for some reason I’m following. The last Gaunvan reaches the airlock and the second he enters his code she throws the lance - throws it! - and spears him.
“Come on, we’re stealing their ship.” She says it like this is the most normal thing in the world.
“There are thousands more on board! Thousands! Almost all warrior caste!”
She smiles again, and keeps walking. I see errors on the screens that we pass, messages indicating communications have been lost. They can’t tell anyone what is happening here. Even the communicators within the ship are on nodes rather than being wired, so the warriors at one end of the vessel won’t be able to coordinate with the other end. Do they even know they’ve been boarded?
We enter the bridge after she kills a handful of other guards with ease. They’re too shocked by her presence to act in time. Once the door are sealed and she is working on the control systems she starts talking to me again.
“Well, you know, we do like to be prepared.”
“But you… you ripped his arm off.”
“Yeah, that was super satisfying.” She looks at me appraisingly. "Oh, come on. Is it really that surprising? You knew we were into changing ourselves, right? Being strong enough to pop an overgrown bug’s forelimb off isn’t rocket science.“
"Your people are so peaceful…”
“Oh, sure, most of them. But we did that, too. Tweaked ourselves over the years to decrease aggression and some of our tribalistic tendencies, increase empathy… all stuff that can be undone if needed. Though for a good cause even the nicest of us can squish a bug or two.”
“You bond with Ry'ling devourers!”
“Those are the big fuzzy guys that look like cats, yeah? Those guys are adorable! But… look, liking some things that could kill us doesn’t mean we’ll sit back and get enslaved. We didn’t put up with it well when we enslaved each other, and we certainly aren’t going to go for it now that we’re… finally… on the same page about slavery being unacceptable. It was, uh, a longer time than we like to admit before the last hold-outs were convinced of that one.”
I can feel the ship un-dock. We’re moving. "What about all the warriors on board? They’ll break through the doors eventually!“
"Not according to this control panel here. Take a look.”
It says there’s no atmosphere in the rest of the ship. Life signs are negative on all but two of the warriors, presumably the only ones that got to their suits in time. She disabled all the safety measures, somehow. She just killed… I check the life signs readout again to confirm the number… three thousand, six hundred, and fourteen soldiers. Wait, how is it tracking that unless… “Are communications back up?”
“Yeah, I’m calling some friends. The military is right around the corner, so to speak.”
“But Earth doesn’t have a standing military.”
She laughs. Not just a little bit. She’s actually doubled over for a moment, unable to catch her breath. "Sweet Jeebus, you guys actually fell for that? No standing military. Have you read about us at all?“
Three ships appear seemingly out of nowhere, and one docks with the Gaunvan vessel. Once the atmosphere is restored we head to the airlock to meet them, and I’m surprised by an entire platoon of Gaunvan warriors. Speaking English.
"Okay boys, send your last goodbyes! This is in all likelihood a one way mission. Commander Thorn! It is an honor to see you again, and might I say you look exquisite drenched in the blood of your enemies!”
She bows to him, blushing, and then salutes the Gaunvans. Or… humans? Can they change themselves this drastically?
“You’ve got two holed up in here somewhere. Bridge is clear, have the techs bring the new brain on board.”
She looks at me like she’s forgotten that I’m here, and then turns back to the others. "Men, this is our new friend Ix Malasan who has just been liberated from his captivity. He’s going to be helping with our intel. Malasan, yeah, a new brain for the ship. Once this vessel is cleaned up and back in service with a new crew we’ll be able to take it over whenever we want even if all of our boys get killed. We cooked up a really sadistic AI for it.“
"But how do you know the protocols? This was your first contact with the Gaunvans, they’ve never lost a ship anywhere near here!”
“No? There wasn’t a mining colony disaster two years ago?”
“But that was just an accident… and you weren’t even involved in the war yet… and…”
The faux-Gaunvans have finished boarding. The one that was talking to them before puts a bladed claw on ambassador - commander - Thorn’s shoulder. "You coming with?“
"Naw. Orders said I could only come if they allow ambassadors near extremely high value targets. Malasan here says they don’t, so I need to wait for my next mission back on Earth.”
“It would have been nice having you with us, Thorn. Well, maybe we’ll see each other again. Suicide mission or not, I think I’ve decided to live through it.”
“Bold choice,” she says, and kisses him next to his lower mandibles.
He nods at me, then turns back to his men. “Okay everyone, we are now officially on the job. And what is that job?”
In unison, they start chanting.
“FUCK! SHIT! UP! FUCK! SHIT! UP! FUCK! SHIT! UP!”
For a moment I nearly feel pity for the Gaunvans. Nearly. Commander Thorn leads me off of the ship, and I start thinking about what useful information I can provide the ‘harmless’ humans. Fuck shit up, indeed.
Game Concept: Turn-based military shooter. Four elite soldiers go on a mission to liberate a town taken over by insurgents. But the trick is… none of the levels are actually real.
Every level taking place outside is a memory of their time in the war, each one from a different soldier’s perspective.
Meanwhile every level taking place indoors is actually a made-up experience created in a studio years later.
The soldiers experienced massive trauma during their tour, and massive guilt about what they had to do to the innocents inside the homes while under orders. So one of the four has arranged a simulation of their campaign, so they could rewrite history (so to speak) and wipe their conscience clear by pretending to be heroes and deluding themselves into thinking the recreations are the real deal.
As the game goes on, the illusion slowly fades, until it collapses. The game slowly becomes a twisted psychological horror game. The player slowly gathers hints and clues about what’s really going on, both in the present, and back during the war.
You begin the game shooting terrorists (either memory ones, or actors), and by the time it ends, you’re fighting shadows of regret and grotesque manifestations of the four characters themselves inside twisted memories.
Batman vs Superman was over two hours of two men bickering over who has the biggest brooding cock-I mean, who has the better method of "saving" people and whether or not it's ok for Batman to beat and brand criminals without regarding the fact that not everyone's as wealthy and privileged as his morally upright ass and for Superman to ignore the fact that not everyone's as indestructible as him, meanwhile Wonder Woman over here...
Wonder Woman was vastly superior to bvs for two reasons.
-Wonder Woman is actually a likable lady and an idealistic believable super hero who doesn’t spend her entire moving thinking about how she COULD help people.
She charges in, headfirst, wanting to help people she doesn’t even KNOW because she wants to protect the people who’re dying.
-and Wonder Woman was just so much more subtle and less pretentious about its message.
Wonder Woman’s CHARACTER is not that she’s cold and heartless and…well, masculine.
She doesn’t EMULATE men.
She doesn’t need to act like a man to be strong.
She coos at a baby and kisses Chris Pine and doesn’t spend the entire movie ragging on women.
She dresses and acts feminine, and embodies kindness, grace, beauty, everything “feminine.”
And she’s also strong as fucking hell.
That is Wonder Woman.
She’s a good person.
She’s not some cold warrior goddess, an untouchable female shaped ideal.
She’s GENUINELY KIND.
She sees people suffering in the trenches and her first thought it, stop what we’re doing, we gotta help.
Chris pine and all of his men?
They’ve seen all of this.
They’ve hardened themselves to the horrors of war and accepted them as inevitable.
But Diana, new to the cruelty of the human world, is disgusted and she asks what’s wrong with you?
What is wrong with us?
We have accepted casualties. We have accepted pain.
We have excused suffering because we told ourselves long ago that we couldn’t do anything about it.
She does not accept that.
She fights, yes. She’s ferocious and she, unlike Batman, doesn’t have a compulsion against killing.
She was raised by warrior women, I mean come on.
But who does she fight for?
The women and children who did nothing wrong.
The injured, hopeless men fighting a war to end all wars.
The entire movie was lovely because all of Diana’s bewilderment at the way humans live was incredible.
She’s shocked at how dirty London is.
She’s not impressed by sex and she’s not impressed by war.
She thinks sexism is strange.
But she doesn’t like, rag on it, because Diana is literally so above it that she just wryly questions it at times.
Like I don’t care what all the whiny fanboys say.
There’s not an overt feminist message in this movie.
There’s no “men are so weak.”
There’s “men are corruptible” but as we see, Diana sees them as worth saving in the end, if only to fulfill her own ideals…
Which is feminist as fuck, I guess, because Diana doesn’t defend men because it’s her job.
She defends them because it’s her decision. Her morality. Her duty.
But the feminism in the movie comes from the fact that she’s so kind.
She breaks down when realizing that Ares isn’t behind it all, that MEN are the ones who are cruel to one another.
She sees the war and it’s only senseless violence to her.
All of the people she wants to help are the victims, and it’s clear cut, to her, who’s bad and who’s not.
But Chris Pine helps her realize that humans aren’t so clear cut.
And so even though she was disgusted by human actions, she still wanted to help the people in need.
I absolutely adore the scene where she’s charging across a battle field to pave the way to the town.
First off, it was so badass watching her knock aside artillery like it was nothing as the men cowered in the pits.
Second, SHE SAW THAT PEOPLE WERE SUFFERING AND SHE DIDNT CALCULATE.
She didn’t do a Batman, where she looked at the risks vs the benefits vs the needs of the many and the few.
She just charged in and did what she could.
Chris Pine told her she couldn’t do anything except help him with his plan, in order to stop the war and save them indirectly.
But Diana is a true warrior with the heart of a lion, man.
She helped them directly, with no nonsense, no politicizing, no planning, just action.
At the end she says love will save humanity?
That’s the kind of feminism Wonder Woman was embodying.
Wonder Woman wasn’t this lone independent operator who sneers at men who try to involve themselves in her business.
She was helped and supported by men, but it was clear that she was the star, the true hero who brought them and their plans together but also gave them a new hope, a new heart.
They were jaded by helplessness and mortal frustration, forced to fight to stand stills and accept human deaths.
She came and showed them something miraculous and wonderful: her power.
But not used to beat someone’s head in with a fucking sink.
Used to do good.
To fight for her morals, which aren’t corrupted by the human world’s greyness, not yet.
I loved this movie.
I loved this movie so much.
DC finally did good and we can stop pretending suicide squad and Batman vs superman were good.
Wonder Woman is the good DC movie.
Don’t even try to tell me BVS was better than Wonder Woman because if you genuinely believe that, either out of pride and obstinacy from all your bickering with marvel fans or out of delusional worshipping of anything DC, then I think you just like watching people beat people in slow motion and uncomfortably lofty , corporate-cut and stylized plots as interesting as watching a landscape time lapse.
Suicide squad was cut to bits by its editors, BVS suffered from some severe Snyder wanking, and justice league, I don’t know, we’ll see.
But Wonder Woman?
Best DC movie since dark knight.
God bless Patty.
I knew we needed a woman in charge to get the job done.
Now direct all sexist comments and sneering remarks about feminazis destroying your precious super hero genre with their “love” themes to my inbox where they’ll be lovingly deleted.
Thank you for giving us more stories based on the stories we love.
Thank you for being so open and welcoming and taking our requests even though we know you are probably tired.
Thank you for giving happiness, laughter, and sometimes even sadness into my lonely world.
Thank you for putting me on the edge of my seat wondering what’s gonna happen next, even though I probably already know.
And this goes out to all fanfic writers.
To the ones who just started out and are trying to find their place, to those who have been here the longest and have already found their place. To the ones who think their writing isnt any good (even though it is). To the ones who know their writing is good but are not cocky.
You have filled my life with almost as much joy (possibly more) as the fandom you write for.
Please dont ever stop doing what you are doing, because even if you dont know it, you are making someone somewhere very, very happy.
This is so much closer to the original composition I had in mind back then, but I just didn’t have the skills to pull it off. I know Zhaitan’s actual design doesn’t have eyes on the shoulders! but it’s a feature I really liked and wanted to keep for the redraw.