the holy inquisition

Dragon Age “Favorite Game” Alignments:

Lawful Origins
-knows everything about the DA universe
-reads all the codex entries
-actually knows things about story structure
-nerd

Neutral Origins
-romances alistair every time
-can never bring themselves to make evil choices
-loves the music
-cries a lot

Chaotic Origins
-“FINE DWARVEN CRAFTS DIRECT FROM ORZAMMAR”
-just replays all the different prologues over and over
-restarts when they get to ostagar

Lawful 2
-thinks DA2 was unfairly judged in comparison to origins
-has Strong Opinions ™ about anders
-thinkpieces and meta
-secretly bitter

Neutral 2
-really just loves all the DA2 characters
-like, REALLY loves them
-a lot
-fix-it fic and coffee shop AUs
-probably bisexual

Chaotic 2
-has only played 2
-“wtf is a darkspawn lol”
-purple dialogue options
-probably a blood mage

Lawful Inquisition
-enjoys fetch quests
-takes time to craft new weapons and armour at regular intervals
-talks to every companion between every single mission
-looks up walkthroughs and quickloads whenever a companion disapproves

Neutral Inquisition
-Inquisition was their first DA game
-avoids fandom drama
-just genuinely enjoys all the games
-the most chill

Chaotic Inquisition
-“HOLY SHIT YOU CAN JUMP”
-spends 90% of their time falling off of roofs in skyhold
-runs into dragon battles 20 levels too soon and gets destroyed
-tries to glitch on purpose

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I saw a gif from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” and I had to make this really quick. I’m pretty sure someone else did this with their Inquisitor.

That aside. I’ve just returned from a trip handling more businessy stuff. Back to work now!


Also I’m open for commissions!!

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ultimate dragon age meme | 2/5 rogues - Sera

not right. do everything for everyone, get sick. not right. can’t put arrows in it, put them everywhere else. i will never miss. i will make them know [inquisitor’s name] had HAS friends. 

7

Josephine/ Adaar fuels my life, enough to make a comic and draw sketches of them all the goddamn time.

Also I MIGHT have exagerated Adaar’s size but oh well, the bigger size difference the better am I right?

Trash Masterpost (AKA Fic Masterpost)

100% Cullen. Over a million words. Holy Andraste.

Everything is basically Explicit. If not, then mature.

In celebration of that absurd one million, he’s a recap of all the trash I have written in the past few months. Each title is a link to the fic on Ao3.

Story Centric Fics:

1. The Scars We Hide

A non-canon DAI story featuring a very broken Cullen, along with a shattered Elizabeth who just makes everything worse. Currently complete, working on the second part.

2.  The Girl Who Cried Wolf

A MGIT story about forgetting your past, and living a better life. Complete.

3.  The Rose

A Modern AU where Elizabeth gets dragged into the Inquisition, and has lots of sex with Cullen. Incomplete.

4.  The Man Who Can’t Be Moved

A fix-it story. Cullen is forced to stay on lyrium, but just when death is at his neck, a mage comes around and saves his life. Incomplete.

5.  An Author’s Delight

Another MGIT story. The author is thrown into DA with her favorite OC, Elizabeth Trevelyan. Expecting her and Cullen to fall in love, she eagerly awaits for them to kiss, only to find that Cullen has his eyes on someone else’s lips. Incomplete.

6.  The Scars We Miss

A short story that covers Inquisition in snippets. Complete.

7. After The Scars Are Shown

Sequel to The Scars We Hide. Don’t even know how to explain it. Incomplete.

8.  Behind The Lie

A Modern AU where Cullen needs a girlfriend, Elizabeth needs money, and they both end up needing each other. Incomplete.

9.  The Scars In Our Hearts

Soulmate AU. Not entirely sure where I was going with this. Incomplete.

10.  Jealousy

The advisors and Inquisitor head to Antiva, only to get thrown into an evil Court Mage’s cynical plot. At least, that’s what Cullen thinks. Apparently, everyone else is just blind, especially the Inquisitor, whom he hates, and totally doesn’t want to bang. Incomplete.

11. Madness And Her Muse

Elizabeth and Cullen meet in Kirkwall, before the Inquisition, parting on some strange terms. They meet up again due to the Inquisition, or perhaps, fate? Incomplete.

12.  Forget The World

ANOTHER MGIT. Elizabeth dies, gets sent to Thedas, and becomes Cullen Rutherford’s personal assistant.

13. Corrupted and Cured

An AU where the Inquisitor gets killed by a lackey of Samson’s, who happens to magically end up with the mark. Watching a mage fall to red lyrium is something Cullen never thought he would see, and he isn’t sure whether he wants to kill or kiss her. Incomplete.

14.  The Other Way Around

A Modern AU (sort of) where Cullen gets sent to the real world. Right into Elizabeth’s apartment. They flirt, while also trying not to show everyone that he’s from a place where dragons exist. Incomplete.

Smut Centric Fics:

1. Desire

Potions. Sex. LOTS OF SEX. Yup. Complete.

2. Temptation

More potions. More sex. A little more sensual, this time. Complete.

3. Sleep

Ever thought about trying to have sex while sleeping? No? Me either. Then I went on the kink-meme, and now I’m writing it. Incomplete.

4. Primal

Cullen masturbation. The world needs more. Complete.

5. Inquisitor’s Orders

A random idea spun into more. Sex with a plot. Incomplete.

6. Rumors

The very first thing I ever wrote. Elizabeth is tired of people pairing her with Hawke, so he kindly switches it around to the Commander. Awkwardness ensues, and so does sex. Complete.

7. A Moment Of Loneliness

For Valentine’s Day. For all you ladies who wish you had your very own Cullen on that stupid day, just like I always do.

8. Only Angel

Demonic possession. Lots of sex. A little feels. Blame it on the kink-meme. Incomplete.

9.  Just One Night

The result of talking with @fereldenpeach for hours on end. Loved writing this. Lots of sex, two women with a very handsome Commander. Complete.

10.  Lost In Wonderland

Another random idea. Cullen gets thrown into the middle of nowhere, and low and behold, there’s a beautiful mage there that he can’t help but fall for. In a sexual way. But also in a lovey dovey way. Incomplete.

11.  Careful Who You Sleep With

Basically: Elizabeth gets pregnant. What’s funny is she is right in the middle of the war, what’s funnier is that she never wanted kids, and what’s funniest is that she never tells Cullen. Complete.

12. They’ve Got Nothing On You

One shot spun into more. Varric tries to push Liz and Cullen together, only to find that they are more stubborn than he thought. Yet they learn, through trial and error, that maybe being stubborn isn’t so fun after all. Incomplete.

13.  Guilty Pleasures

I was drunk when I wrote this. Smut. Teasing. Yup. Complete.

14.  Trap

Dark Cullen, slightly non-con. Because who doesn’t love a little danger? Incomplete.

15.  Boredom

Modern AU office sex. That’s it. Complete.

16.  Her Love Turns Men Into Fools

One of my favs honestly. An AU Alpha/Omega-verse where Cullen is an alpha, Liz is an omega, and they have some great sex. Complete.

17.  Two Lonely Addicts

While Cullen is addicted to lyrium, Liz is addicted to alcohol. So they drink away their worries together, then have sex. Complete.

Random One Shots:

1. Water

A one-shot turned to more. Featuring red lyrium and revelations of love. Complete.

2.  Stay

Angst-fest. Two different ways one decision could have gone. Complete.

3.  Let’s Get Lost

Cullen goes to a strip club, and thinks Elizabeth is a stripper. Complete.

4.  Mistletoe

Satinalia special. Elizabeth saves Cullen from some touchy women. Complete.

5.  So What?

Another angst-fest. Cullen reflects on one bad decision. Complete.

6.  Rain

Kissing in the rain. Cause why not. Complete.

7.  Held

Holding hands. Cause why not. Complete.

8.  Shadow and Her Light

Art. Because art is amazing and I’d rather live in my car than pay rent. Featuring amazing art done by: @xla-hainex @spacerocketbunny @nsfwfrosch @star–nymph @cheekywithcullen @geeky-jez @baewall @lady-scribbles @kimberly-parker  @destinyapostasy @anafigreen @kf1n3 @sayurinitta @fleschybits and surely more once I find some more money in the sewers.

9.  Is This Intimacy?

A fic for art done by @xla-hainex because I couldn’t help myself. Complete.

10.  Chocolate

A short one-shot about eating chocolate. Complete.

11.  The Seven Stages Of

Yet another angst-fest. Cullen deals with the loss of his love. Incomplete.

12.  Miss You More

Sort of an angst-fest. Instead of Cullen being the one stuck on an addiction, it’s Elizabeth. Complete.

13.  Under The Moon

A prompt given to me by @presidentnerd about kissing under a full moon. Complete.

Not my OC:

1. From Lust To Love

A gift for @fereldenpeach with her lovely Evelia Trevelyan. Complete.

2. A Dreadful Night at Halamshiral

A fix it to one of @windysuspirations  fic’s, a rather touchy one about something horrible happening to Cullen. I couldn’t help but do the classic, “it was all a dream.” Complete.

3. Drown In Ecstasy

A gift for @princessvicky01 with her sexy Annabel Trevelyan. Complete.

4. Falling In Love

A gift for @mapplestrudel with her adorable OC Rona. Complete.

5. Living In Pain

A gift for @windysuspirations with her cute Perrine Lavellan. Complete.

6. If It’s Not Rough It Isn’t Fun

A gift for @roksanalyasin with her alluring OC Valina. Complete.

Would you look at that! ONE MILLION WORDS. All of it Cullen! (Minus one original work I didn’t bother putting up here). I never have considered myself a writer, and still don’t, but a million is a frick ton of words. That doesn’t even count the stuff I’ve deleted, rewritten, or the 73 WIP’s I currently have.

Let’s just hope my fingers never fall off.

Companions when out and about
  • Skyrim: ughhhhh omf do we have to keep walking, what, why are you turning around wtf is going on whhhhhyyyyy.
  • Dragon age 2: look at us we can stand in perfect af little triangular formation. We won't move our fcking asses unless you do, Hawke.
  • Dragon age Inquisition: HOLY FCK HOLY FCK WE'RE STOPPING HOLY FCK WHER TF D O I STAND OMFG ON TOP OF THIS BARREL?! NO FCK THE BARREL, HOLY FCK OTHER PARTY MEMBER GET AWAY FROM ME AHHHHHHHHHHHHH INQUISITOR HELP MEEEEEEEEEE

Thinking about Leliana and how her whole thing is redemption.

She’s a redemption-seeker herself, of course. Leaving the Bards for the Chantry and its promise of salvation, leaving the Chantry for the Warden’s company when she started to realize that trying to atone for past harm done by sitting around not doing much of anything and acting self-righteous about it is inane. There’s nothing noble about inaction in the face of suffering, and goodness is not defined by keeping your hands clean (hi, Elthina!).

Throughout Origins, she distinguishes herself from the rest of the Lawful Good Squad (Alistair and Wynne) through her willingness to take risks on people who have done harm if they seem to be suffering or say they want to try to do better. It’s why she and my Tabris got along so naturally: Tabris was condemned for her violence even though she had a really good reason for it, and she refuses to condemn anyone else until she understands their reasons. Leliana expresses sympathy for Sten, Zevran, Shale, Jowan — at one point, she’ll even cautiously approve of letting a demon go to try to live a peaceful life. With Jowan, Morrigan directly asks her whether she’s projecting onto him, and without confirming or denying she just repeats with conviction that everyone deserves a chance at redemption, because it’s equally true no matter why she believes it, no matter what her own past is. That’s what redemption means.

And of course there’s the conversation about elves as servants that she can have with an elven Warden, where if you get angry and call her out on her ignorance without backing down she will thank you and gain approval points, because she wants to actively try to be a better person than she has been and you have helped her see a new way to do that. And that’s such a remarkable departure from the typical companion dialogue, where approval and disapproval usually directly corresponds to agreeing or disagreeing with whatever the person you’re talking to already believes. (And it’s another reason I really love Tabris/Leliana, tbh, because Tabris has so much anger over the treatment of her kin and she’s so unused to being listened to and validated, let alone allowed to actually make a difference.)

And then there’s Inquisition! Holy shit, the way Leliana’s arc culminates in Inquisition is one of the few really bright points of that game. Of course there’s the quest chain to “soften” her, and of course in her “Change everything!” speech she talks about wanting to preach that “Whoever you are, whatever you’ve done, you are loved, unconditionally,” but there’s something even more profound going on with her ascension to Divine. Because if your Inquisitor is angry at the Chantry, if they challenge Leliana on why it should even be rebuilt, if they counter her argument that it can change people’s minds for the better by reminding her that it was what changed minds for the worse in the first place, she’ll acknowledge that she knows all of that, and that’s why she’s doing this: because the Chantry’s unique power was what caused this whole mess, and therefore only the Chantry can fix it. Her ultimate goal is nothing less than to redeem an entire religion.

Leliana didn’t find redemption in Andrastianism. Andrastianism found redemption in Leliana.

youtube

im so dead that not even necromancer can raise me

Taking The Beating

One of the many things that is a closely guarded secret about the Holy Inquisition and its operatives are the drinking stories. Like any close-knit secretive paramilitary force, those of us who do know each other and whose paths cross more than once (and, it has to be said, whose paths cross without violence, which can’t always be guaranteed) will sit down and swap stories.

Oh, of course we discuss things that may be of import to our cases, or pass on nuggets of information that might just come in handy in the future. But we also sit, and drink, and laugh, and tell each other stories of the time that this particular person did a certain thing and something stupid happened, and we laugh, and drink again, and while the time away until we have to go back to r duties.

This is one of those stories. It was told to me by a very good friend, whom I miss very much, and I tell you it now, my dear, because – as well as being really rather funny, it can be learnt from.

My friend, who I shall call Y, was on some dreadful hole of an industrial world over in the Paridon Sector – it’s to Spinward, don’t worry, it’s not important – following up a lead on some wretched heretic of some kind. Anyway, they were there incognito, because there was some suspicion placed on the Governor and the local authorities. This particular day, Y had gone into what some call a Threat Zone, filled with gangers and mutants and other unsavoury types. Now Y had this really remarkable skill with disguises; they could blend in anywhere. I once saw them go from a spaceport serf to a nobleman in under an hour. Anyway, there they were, walking down past some run-down habs, wearing all the right gang-signs, when all of a sudden – BAM – spotlights pin them in place and this squad of Arbites come slamming out of the nearest hab, the way they do, you know, all;

“Freeze! Don’t move! Hands on your head! On your face! On your face!”

And Y doesn’t even have time to go for their rosette, or protest, or say anything. No, the Arbites jump them and down they go, shock-maul to the ribs, wetting themselves, drooling a bit, on go the cuffs, and slam-bam-thank-you-mam Y gets chucked in the back of a snatch Repressor and off they go haring towards the nearest Precinct.

Now by the time Y gets dragged into the Precinct office they’ve managed to recover a bit, although it’s hard to muster much authority when you’ve been on the wrong end of a good shock-mauling. Smelling of urine doesn’t help either.

But Inquisitors like Y aren’t ones to let something like that get the better of them! Oh no! There they are, stood between two surly Arbites, while another one searches their pockets and pats them down, dropping everything into evidence boxes and bags on the desk of the Judge-Arbite on duty.

Y just stood there while they removed, among other things, their fighting knife, a contraband handgun, a stun grenade, some filtration plugs, a memno-quill and data-slate, a multi-spectrum ocular, a shock-duster, and so on and so forth.

And then.

And then the Arbite pulling out all these things puts her hands on Y’s rosette box. It wasn’t that different to mine; a little leather-covered box, hinged, flips open, one solid gold and platinum seal and a hololithic imager to display all the relevant ID sigils and signifiers. It lands on the desk – clunk – and Y says “Open; full display.”

They got a gut-punch from the searching Arbite for that, of course, and rightly so, but Y was made of tougher stuff than that, so rather than doubling over coughing they were in position to see the Judge-Arbite’s face go white. Which was impressive, as the Judge-Arbite – man called Helmer, fantastic fellow, lovely laugh, absolute fanatic about punctuality, you’d have liked him – anyway, he was really very dark complexioned. So there he is, frozen in place, all the blood just drains from his face, because that little rosette box had gone ‘chink’ and the hololith was rotating in the air, the usual skull-and-barred-I, laurel wreath, the whole works, and then running above it in low and high Gothic the lovely words:

THE BEARER OF THIS SIGIL IS AN ORDAINED AND ACCREDITED AGENT OF THE GOD-EMPEROR’S MOST HOLY INQUISITION

And Y just laughs.

It was about five minutes before any of the Arbites had recovered enough to release them, and all Y did was laugh, and clap them on the shoulder, and tell them they’d done absolutely the right thing, and would they mind awfully giving them a lift back to the Threat Zone as they had an investigation to run?

Of course, it rather blew Y’s cover, but in the end it was Helmer and his squad who were instrumental in securing the fellow Y was after. So you see, my dear. You’re not always going to be able to tell people you’re on the same side until after you take the beating.

@sisterofsilence - pour vous! ;)