the hitchhiker's guide to the universe

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

—  Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Seriously though, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy conveys “the universe fundamentally does not care about you” better than just about any cosmic-horror story I’ve ever seen.

Its whole theme is, “the default state of life is a parade of ridiculous out-of-left-field nonsense and disaster and beauty which does not care about your personal virtue” and it can embrace and celebrate the weirdness without getting bogged down in overwrought elder pantheons.

And it’s packed with non-sequiturs and shaggy-dog stories and rambling detours but they’re all in service of that message, and the story’s just gleefully having fun with concepts like an immortal alien who’s determined to insult everyone in the galaxy to their face in alphabetical order.

Basically, the Hitchhiker’s Guide is the guy on the right:

I’m Guy Fieri and we’re rolling out, looking for the greatest diners, drive-ins, and dives at the end of the universe.

There are 42 flavors in Flavortown.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy sentence starters
  • 1. "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so."
  • 2. "This must be a Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays."
  • 3. "Don't panic."
  • 4. "Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?"
  • 5. "If there's anything more important than my ego around here, I want it caught and shot now."
  • 6. "We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"
  • 7. "The answer to the Great Question... of life, the universe and everything... is... is... 42."
  • 8. "So long, and thanks for all the fish."
  • 9. "Did I do anything wrong today, or has the world always been like this and I've been too wrapped up in myself to notice?"
  • 10. "____! There's an infinite number of monkeys outside that want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they've worked out."
  • 11. "If I asked you where the hell we were, would I regret it?"
  • 12. "Ah. This is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of."
  • 13. "Life. Loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it."
  • 14. "Is there any tea on this spaceship?"
  • 15. "I don't want to die now! I've still got a headache! I don't want to go to heaven with a headache, I'll be all cross and I won't enjoy it!"
  • 16. "It's part of the shape of the universe. All I have to do is talk to someone and they begin to hate me."
  • 17. “Very deep. You should send that in to the Reader's Digest. They've got a page for people like you.”
  • 18. "I know as much about myself as my mind can work out under its current conditions. And its current conditions are not good.”
  • 19. "You watch this door. It's about to open again. I can tell by the intolerable air of smugness it suddenly generates."
  • 20. “Do you find coming to terms with the mindless tedium of it all presents an interesting challenge?”
  • 21. "I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle."
  • 22. "Hey, this is terrific! Someone down there is trying to kill us!"
  • 23. “The mere thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind.”
  • 24. "It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level."
  • 25. "I could have more fun in cat litter."
  • 26. “If you ever find you need help again, you know, if you are in trouble, need a hand out of a tight corner, please, don't hesitate to get lost.”
  • 27. "I was created to fulfill a function and I failed in it. I negated my own existence."
  • 28. "You'll need to have this fish in your ear."
  • 29. "They've got about as much sex appeal as a road accident."
  • 30. "You're turning into a penguin. Stop it."
  • 31. “Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied.”
  • 32. "Ow! My brains!"
  • 33. "If you just ignore me, I expect I shall probably go away."
  • 34. "It's partly the curiosity, partly a sense of adventure, but mostly I think it's the fame and the money....”
  • 35. "The old me knew. The old me cared. Fine, so far so good. Except that the old me cared so much that he actually got inside his own brain--my own brain--and locked off the bits that knew and cared, because if I knew and cared I wouldn't be able to do it."
  • 36. "If you’ve never been through a matter transference beam before you’ve probably lost some salt and protein."
  • 37. "Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space."

@bbcamerica Announces Season Two Greenlight of Scripted Original Series Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency

BBC AMERICA announces today the second season greenlight of original scripted series Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency. Starring Elijah Wood and Samuel Barnett, the series is penned by Max Landis (American Ultra, Chronicle) and executive produced by Robert Cooper (Stargate Atlantis, Stargate Universe). Adapted from the wildly popular novels by Douglas Adams (“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”), season two will return with ten episodes and premiere in 2017. 

Sarah Barnett, President of BBC AMERICA, commented, “Outlandishly different, Dirk Gently has hit a sweet spot with BBCA fans. With Elijah Wood and Samuel Barnett’s chemistry as oddball detective/sidekick duo, and our creators promising ever greater genius-weird cosmic mystery in the next case, we’re happy to announce more of this truly original and entertaining show.”

The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.
—  Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

“On the other hand, these guys, y’know, are entitled to their view as it’s shaped by the universe and, according to their view, they were doing the right thing. They believe in peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life, and the obliteration of all other lifeforms.

Well they’re entitled to a view, right!?”

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: The Quandary Phase

The Signs as The Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy Quotes
  • Aries: "If there's anything more important than my ego on this ship i want it caught and shot right away"
  • Taurus: "Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it"
  • Gemini: "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so"
  • Cancer: "A proper cup of tea would restore my humanity"
  • Leo: "I wonder if it will be friends with me?"
  • Virgo: "Don't Panic"
  • Libra: "The Answer to the Great Question... Of Life, the Universe and Everything... Is... Forty-two,' said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm"
  • Scorpio: "Life? Don't talk to me about life!"
  • Sagittarius: "Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss"
  • Capricorn: "I've been talking to the main computer"
  • "And?"
  • "It hates me"
  • Aquarius: "Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is."
  • Pisces: "So long and thanks for all the fish"