the heterosexual bros

descendants characters as stuff my friends have said
  • Mal: "I will not hesitate to vore you right here."
  • Evie: "Me and my fifty-dollar lipstick are too good for him."
  • Jay: "If you ever need to stress-fuck, I'm here for you, bro."
  • Carlos: "Heterosexuality WHOMST???"
  • Ben: "I would die for each and every one of her extensions."
  • Audrey: "I'll step on you in fucking Twinkle Toes."
  • Jane: "He breathed in my direction, so I guess he's interested."
  • Lonnie: "When do I get my honorary Lesbian sword?"
  • Chad: "Do you think Trump's dick is orange, too?"
  • Uma: "I don't deserve this. I want my girlfriend."
  • Harry: [holding a frying pan] "A pan is going to beat your ass...WITH A PAN."
  • Gil: "I'm a nationally ranked student athlete and I still never know what the fuck is going on."
  • Dizzy: "I'm just cute, nothing else to it."

the problem with fate is that it needs to be more gay and by that I don’t mean “we wrote this game with a male protagonist in mind but you can play as a female protagonist without significant changes to the female romances however if you play as a man you can’t even unlock the last bond event for one of the male characters’ routes” gay or “these female characters are extremely heavily coded as lesbians and literally cant shut up about how much they love women but are definitely interested in protagonist dick when its convenient” gay or “male character mentions being also interested in men exactly once but treats the assumed to be male protagonist as a Heterosexual Bro™ and never mentions his interest in men let alone possibly the protagonist again ever because we don’t want to risk alienating our assumed to be straight male audience” gay I want actual fucking gays. women who have no interest in men. men who have no interest in women. men who remain romanceable when playing as a male protagonist. FUCK your straight male audience nasu I will become the most financially successful gay in history and cover for whatever losses you might suffer from no longer pandering to an audience you probably only assume you have without ever actually researching it

Kenny’s biggest achievement tonight, of course, was managing to subtweet his ex through his ring gear. What a legend.

Let’s do what I do best and overanalyze this, shall we?

Okay, first of all? thats-a-penis.gif. I’mma need Kenny Omega Heterosexuality Truthers to explain a wingéd phallus on the posterior in a straight way, please. Like, I don’t even know what it’s supposed to be. (EDIT: someone pointed out it’s supposed to be a bullet, probably. But, man…) That’s how much it’s a dick.

Also? It’s blue and white. I feel like I’ve seen blue and white gear with one wing on it before on someone Kenny used to be friends with, Kota Ibushi:

Blue and white shit, wing imagery, iridescent shit—the right leg here literally looks like his retro ring gear is fighting Ibushi’s old ring gear for dominance.

Plus, Kenneth is bringin’ back the Omega symbol kneepad we haven’t seen in a while. Here’s a time when his ring gear looked similar:

(Pictured: dudes being bros; heterosexual men showing mutual respect between friends and colleagues.)

Also that thing on the other kneepad? It looks a lot like this hideous thing:

Everything Kenny does is Imbued With Meaning, because that’s how he fuckin’ likes it. Much like Kenny’s match with Ibushi at Budokan in 2012 was called by many the greatest match of all time, only to have that distinction supplanted by not one but two more Kenny Omega matches, Kenny Omega constantly outdoes himself in the area of Doing The Most. 

This has been Great Moments in Being Extra, I’m your host Rachel breadclubrising.

talking about lgbt issues in class just stresses me out cause it’s always like let’s talk about the gays,tell me what you think about them because there is zero possibility that there are gays in this class because we are all straight and so heterosexual no homo bro yeah let’s make the non existent gays in this class feel incredibly uncomfortable by talking about them like they’re not fucking here and show how ignorant we are while praising ourselves for being the perfect allies™

  • Pansexual: I am so fucking gay
  • Asexual: Me too, bro
  • Heterosexual: Omg you guys you can't say that
  • Asexual: Why the fuck not?
  • Heterosexual: The only people who are allowed to call themselves gay are homosexuals, and I know for a fact that you guys are not, oh my god so ignorant
  • Pansexual: Ummm... okay...
  • Asexual: Sounds fake, but whatever...

guys i gotta tell u something udfejiksdd my cousin nd his friend started this lil business right and its like a little bar @ the center of the city nd shit and gUESS WHATHE NAMED IT ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. BRO CAVE

This Hurt to Write
  • Karamatsu: I... I love you, my dearest C-Chibita.
  • Chibita:
  • Chibita: AAAAAGHH that's a good one, Karaboy! Ya almost got me there, pretendin' to be all gay fer me an' shit! That's why we're such good friends, dammit! We can joke about shit like that!
  • Karamatsu: *internally sobbing* I have been... Gal Pal'd... once again...
  • Chibita: *cocking head* Eh? What's wrong, my platonic heterosexual Friend Amigo Buddy Bro Guy?????