the heterosexual bros

talking about lgbt issues in class just stresses me out cause it’s always like let’s talk about the gays,tell me what you think about them because there is zero possibility that there are gays in this class because we are all straight and so heterosexual no homo bro yeah let’s make the non existent gays in this class feel incredibly uncomfortable by talking about them like they’re not fucking here and show how ignorant we are while praising ourselves for being the perfect allies™

every single time I play t&t I am just BLOWN AWAY by how ridiculously not platonic edgeworth and phoenix’s relationship is. phoenix falls off a bridge and larry’s first instinct is to call edgeworth, who’s literally not even in the country and hasn’t been around for over a year. edgeworth doesn’t take the call seriously at all until larry mentions that phoenix is in the hospital and might be dead, in which case he flips a shit and charters a private jet to take him to america in the MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT. he literally goes straight to phoenix’s bedside even though larry specifically tells him to go straight to the detention center and see iris, because edgeworth clearly doesn’t give a shit about iris and literally flew back to america with the single intention of making sure phoenix is okay. he then proceeds to pretend to be a fucking defense attorney for literally NO REASON except that phoenix asks him to, seeing as the case means nothing to him personally whatsoever. how can ANY OF THIS BE CONSIDERED HETEROSEXUAL BEHAVIOR BETWEEN TWO BROS SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN HOW ANYONE IS SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS PLATONIC I MEAN “I LEAVE THE REST IN YOUR CAPABLE HANDS… PARTNER” WHAT THE HELL IM NOT CRYING YOU ARE

Heterosexual Bro Activities

Falling into your bros arms

Fantasizing about a threesome with your bro and a hockey player

Staring at pictures of nhl star alexei mashkov wistfully

Kissing your bro

Kissing posters of nhl star alexei mashkov

Psyching yourself out over your celebrity crush i mean alexei mashkov ahitdfuxkshjtshitshitfucjdamn

Baptised in Heterosexual Beliefs [Christian Big Bro TF/MC]

~Part of Heartthrob Academy Series~

Heartthrob Academy’s Youth Ministry Group! Consisting of devoted Christians! Young men dressed like proper handsome charmers, discussing about the beautiful women inside their ministry, feeling incredibly aroused but abstaining due to their faith and training.

A mixture of slightly boisterous yet conserved voices bounced from within their group…well except one member.

Allen didn’t feel like he belonged, listening to the other boys boistering about kinda annoyed him. He hadn’t gotten the courage to tell anyone that he was gay, the average sized Asian sat down there alone and quietly observing his surroundings.

His Long hair brushed over his head hanging loosely shoulder length, weak as he didn’t exercise much , which accounts to his pale skin and gentle nature.

Wearing in white converse shoes, dressed in a plain Long sleeved Green Turtleneck with brown shorts, hiding away his rainbow band tucked beneath his sleeves. He wished that they didn’t implement this stupid rule about separating boys and girls…

Wanting to talk to his Friend Danielle about the things he was worried about, she was always such a good listener to him.

“BOYS! ITS PRAYER TIME! SHUSH!” Their girls shouted over to them, and they happily obeyed and apologised gentlemanly, yet with a hint of masculinity. The girls giggled in response as they began their prayer, with the boys following in pursuit within their circle, palms connected.

Taking turns saying in prayer with their eyes closed, except for Allen who felt butterflies after feeling the familiar, strong grips of two other male Christians. As he tried to keep his eyes as tiny as possible, while still being able to admire the features of his fellow youth group members once again.

“Lord, pls help us to be able to find us delightful wives , so the each one of us can become husbands to each of his own family, and God pray that our future children continue shining in your glory, find beautiful spouses as well, and remain homo free.” One of them said truthfully, before making a straight joke at the end.

PSSSSSSH

Not knowing what’s going on, a heavy relaxing mist is blown from the air conditioning, causing everyone to take in the stereotypical christian attributes from the homophobic man…in their own way of course.

“AMEN TO THAT!” The boys agreed one by one, going about in the circle, majority of the other boys snickering at that, except Allen who felt his boner being put to shame and filled with disappointment.

Allen just listened unhappily, not even noticing he himself muttering the word “Amen” as his head continued to look down, feeling itself being filled with thought. Him waiting for his turn.

As he thought about it, Allen became slightly frightened and worried the others may discover him and shame him for it. He had to go for casual conservative , his mind told him, saying it was the most appropriate choice in his current situation.

As the rest of the boys continued to mutter their own prayers, Allen thought about the dress code he could pull off, directing him away from any lustful desire that could harm him, to a useful herded mentality.

Feeling a row of buttons appear down the center as the turtleneck turned and popped down into a collar, eyes whilist still open, too distracted by his subconscious to even notice his surroundings.

A pair of natural cuffs connected themselves on the sides, mini checkers popping all over the design and whole shirt turning into a Long sleeved checkered dress shirt. The cold Breeze blew onto his legs, as Allen felt discomfort, as the next process began.

His shorts grew longer down the sides, reaching down as they gave him warmth and comfort whilist turning a dark navy blue, they grew tighter and tighter , tight fitting like what normally teens and young men would like to wear, being hip and one of the crowd as they see themselves into tight fitting jeans below.

The guy next to him began his prayer, as Allen glanced to right, originally staring at the bulge but eye jerking downwards to the shoes, like he wasn’t supposed to commit such indecent perverse acts in public, that’s what he told himself , like a new rule placed onto him.

If he wanted play safe and be one of the boys he had to get used to it, taking note of the black dress shoes the man next to him wore, wiggling his toes as his own shoes becoming identical to those.

With socks turning into that typical pure white Colour that most Christians enjoy wearing. Allen was pretty good at adapting, although he still felt uncomfortable with his pretend dailogue with the other guys, but he wanted to fit in, like it was important to him.

The man ended his prayer, and gave Allen’s hand a tight squeeze.

“Alright…I” Allen tried to come up with something to say, normally being able to spout out general things like Good grades and the such.

But he felt completely shaken by everyone’s homophobic nature. The comment and prayer left a mark, sucking away all of his generality and completely leaving his former Dick limp, yet despite that, the bulge seemed to be larger than normal regardless.

“I…” Allen felt his dark brown-black bangs droop over his head, distracting him from his previous thoughts as though it became a problem all of a sudden, never ever experiencing this dislike ever before for his Long hair–? Long hair? Isn’t Long hair for girls, why would he be having Long hair?

His sides and back became shaved off, as his bangs became trimmed slightly and got pushed and held back by the Holy Spirit. Slicked back with pomade and styled into a conservative undercut, handsome looking yet appropriate for his presentation.

“I agree with you man.”

Allen’s mouth moved on its own, dailogue spitting out stuff he couldn’t control, agreeing with Ryan? But he was gay wasn’t he? No…that’s not right…is it? Huh?

He felt his heart being broken into pieces , like the formal him and his crushes have been thrown away so that he could continue being one of the boys, like it suddenly meant the whole world to him. Not for the sake of blushing and arousal! He’s a guy for goodness sake! He should be attracted to g..gu…g…

“I sincerely hope that each of us will be blessed with beautiful wives and have children as well that’ll continue in our legacy.” He…smiled, feeling a new yet a similar, satisfying renewal of himself. Closing his eyes and resting in heaven’s embrace.

Baptising away the sinful deeds of his past…past? He was never gay! Haha! Modern society has too much influence on everyone nowadays, they should be resting in the spirit and keep their faith strong like he has all these years.

Abstaining and remaining pure, like a good Christian should be until they get together with their life partner.

He felt his body Aging and toning in the process, not so much like the jocks within his group, but of someone who worked out decently and maintained his shape so that he could look good for his future Wife.

Feeling out the jeans and dress shirt as they showed signs of firmness in his pecs, arms as well as a good amount in his legs to support his ever growing height, reaching around a 6ft right about now.

“Haha! Like you and that Danielle senior am I correct?” Ryan spoke out.

Danielle? Wasn’t she his Best Friend? Someone that can listen to him when he was feeling down? Someone that could always be by his side and sing lovely worship songs together with him? Someone that he felt genuinely attracted to? Why yes that Danielle.

He felt his jaw reshaping to her interests, as he doned several Asian-American features that she adored in him. Friendly, but confident and dependable eyes that she adored in him.

“Haha!” He coughed, feeling a deeper, sexier yet a slightly boyish voice coming from within his system.Neck adjusting as it grow proportionate to his body.

Danielle was head over heels for him, and likewise was he for her gorgeous features and body, as well as the lovely personality she had.

Feeling blush rising to his face like never before. True genuine, martial love like God had always wanted for him for all these years , and he was going to get it.

The rainbow bracelet faded away in Colour, as it solidified into a men’s watch Danielle got for his birthday, as he thought of all the wonderful things he did with her, a true sense of happiness dawned on him.

As a handsome Christian man in his early twenties, graduated the college in pursuit and devoted his life to his church and God, being a member of church band and choir. A student teacher spreading God’s word in Heartthrob Academy.

He tightened his left hand, as a silver, engraved ring dawned on his finger, a show sign of his trust with his fiancé. With that being said, it is without a doubt that Lennard is definitely a true man like his peers, already garning their respect from day one with his charismatic personality as well as also being the shoulder his brothers in the house can lean on.

“Big Brother’s going to get married with Dani once she’s finished with college. And you guys are all invited!” The men cheered quietly! Maintaining their voices like Big bro has reminded them too, guiding them to their life partners and giving them the nudge to make the move on the girls, they were thankful and respectful to him in every aspect, being the true alpha of the wolf pack amongst all of them.

Lennard expertly and calmly finished off the rest of his prayer, enlightening the rest of his group as the other beside him continued to say their prayers until they’re done. Once finished, he gathered the group as their leader towards the girls, already finishing the prayer before them.

He held Danielle’s hand and gave a kiss to her cheek, the lovebirds and big sibling figures blushed happily as they only taught of the happiness each other brought to them.

“God bless us eternally…”

"Dean and Castiel aren't gay"

Okay. Remember when Dean got extremely jealous when Cas got a date.
Remember when going on said date, Dean said “take off your vest. Yeah. That’s right. Now undo the top buttons of your shirt. Looking good.” THEN PROCEEDED TO BITE HIS LIP
Remember when Dean got a boner for Castiel.
Remember when Cas was staring at Dean and Dean said “well Cas. Not for nothing, but the last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid” then winked at him?
Remember when Dean said “Cas get out of my ass.” and Cas said “I was never in.. your…” then trailed off?
Remember the countless times they stared at each other?
Theres this episode where when it ends, Dean and Cas are just staring at each other as the camera zooms out. NOT SAYING ANYTHING FOR 43 SECONDS. JUST STARING.

Okay and Angels aren’t supposed to show emotion or feelings, right? Theyre programmed to only show loyalty to god.
When Castiel raised Dean from perdition, he immediately started showing signs of a disobedient angel. He started feeling. Choosing Dean over god.
Killing his own brothers and sisters for even looking at him the wrong way.

Is this was a man and a woman, you’d expect them to be together. But since their both male, you come off as “no bro. It’s just a really heterosexual friendship bro. Nothing gay bro.”
OKAY. Let’s see how you act with your friends

anonymous asked:

Im really dumb can u explain the alistair post to me

tbh some of that probably doesn’t even make sense if you don’t dig really deep into the lore but i’m not even gonna assume you’ve played Origins, just because

Here goes:

Alistair’s dad is Maric and his momma’s Fiona. Maric and Loghain were total bros, like, you know all the bro jokes tumblr makes, like “bro, you mean the world to me” kinda bros? Yeah those were Maric and Loghain. I mean Maric once had to make Loghain swear that their brohood would not mean more to Loghain than the entire country Ferelden, that’s how close bros they were

Actual Legitimate* Quotes from the books:

“bro…you mean the world to me bro”

“bro please i’m not worth the world”

“but bro”

“bro…bro don’t make me worth more than any other bro, bro”

“but bro….”

“promise me bro”

a single tear rolls down Loghain’s face. “alright bro”

SO then Fiona and Duncan were also bros, but not in the way Maric and Loghain were, like they weren’t “Bro…..” kinda bros they were mostly just bros, like pretty close bros but more in the “yo you helped me through this life changing experience there’s no way i’m gonna forget that” kinda bros not “bro i gotta keep calling you bro so i don’t do anything not heterosexual” kinda bros. Like they joined the GRey Wardens at like one section of recruits apart and went on all sortsa missions together they were tight

(which even if they were they wouldn’t be ‘cause Duncan’s a dude and Fiona’s a lady, but, ya know)

So anyway Maric gets with Rowan and has CAilan, and then Rowan dies, so a couple years later Fiona’s going through some real tough shit so she decides to bone a prince to get through it, which, idk man, seems like a pretty solid plan to me, I mean it worked for Alanna the Lioness maybe it’d work for her

well actually SURPRISE, NO, it doesn’t work, it works about as well as it did for Alanna the first time around (the actual prince, not the king…yeah Alanna has some choice in partners but anyway wrong fandom) ‘cause Fiona gets pregnant and then she has to leave the Wardens ‘cause something happened with the Architect aka ancient piece of what the fuckery magister darkspawn guy that cured her of the Calling so she doesn’t have to die heroically via suicide the way all the other Wardens do

(idk I guess all the other Wardens were really jealous of her Cool ability to not die a horrible and painful death so they made her leave)

so Fiona has Alistair and goes to Duncan like “hey take this kid ‘cause I know fuck all about babies and also the fuckass priso - I mean Circle won’t let me raise my own kids anyway” so Duncan’s like “sure bro” and nopes off to go find Maric who naturally thinks the best course of action is to give his biracial bastard to his dead wife’s bro to raise

which probably seemed like a pretty good plan at the time! I mean, Eamon’s about the right rank to raise a king’s kid, not too high not too low, he’s got a nice estate and lotsa dogs I’m sure are very nice when they’re not attacking the future Hero of FErelden as she tries to get in there to kill a demon

Oooooonly then Eamon gets married and his wife starts looking at this little kid really suspiciously like hmmm….he seems about the right age to be a bastard….of my husband, not of the king…..hmmmm

so next thing we know Fiona’s ten year old kid is being raised by the Chantry same as if she’d tried to keep him when she went back to the Circle. Only, even though Fi’s in Orlais, her kid’s in Ferelden. Which means when Duncan, being a Fereldan Warden, comes by to pick up recruits he sees Alistair and goes “wait a minute”

like the kid’s 18 or 19 at this point he doesn’t even do anything impressive or win any fights or anytihng and Duncan still nods to himself and says “hmm, yes, I’ll have the cute half elf puppy please” and doesn’t take no for an answer when the Chantry want’s Alistair to stay with them

so Alistair probably slightly grumpy at this point because he KEEPS GETTING TOSSED AROUND LIKE A SACK OF POTATOES** goes with Duncan and probably asks Duncan why the fuck he’s there to which I’m betting Duncan responded with “because I, unlike Eamon, agree with your - I mean with Enchanter Fucking Fiona’s famous words of “fuck the Chantry”. Also, I like kids and treat them much nicer than dogs” to which Alistair nodded to himself and decided maybe he liked Duncan, although Alistair probably ranks dogs up there with kids on his Adorable Things I’d Like List.

So Alistair and at least one other kid drinks some blood passes out and poof! They’re all Grey Wardens and can become drinking buds and Best Bros with all their commanders and even start looking at some of them (read: Duncan) like the Family I Never Had

Except.

Except.

Duncan’s getting on in years, like he’s starting to think about darkspawn in his sleep if ya know what I mean, and there’s the really minor problem of a bigass dragon that’s gonna pop its head out soon due to more of the Architect’s Bullshit™.

Next thing you know, ie, like a year after Alistair gulped some blood, there’s a big horde out there in the marsh. And about a hundred Wardens to kill it. Oh, and the king, Alistair’s half bro, because Maric went missing and we all think he kicked the bucket. And, because Loghain ain’t about to let his best bro’s kid do anytihng stupid for Ferelden, he’s there too.

Only, Loghain’s list of “Things STupid for Ferelden” is ranked pretty damn differently than Cailan’s.

most notably, there’s the Orlesians.

See, that whole exchange up there with Loghain promising his BF (Bro Friend) he’d never put one bro above a whole country of bros? That happened while they were fighting the ORlesians. Loghain fucking hates Orlesians, I mean if Loghain had a list of things he hated and a list of things he loved they’d probably look something like this

Things Loghain Loves

  1. Ferelden
  2. Best Bro MAric <3
  3. Ferelden
  4. daughter, Anora
  5. dogs

and then his list of things he hates are around - 

  1. Orlesians
  2. Orlais
  3. Orlesians
  4. Orlais
  5. masked balls

Only, the Ferelden branch of the WArdens is more like a twig, ‘cause a coupla centuries ago the Wardens and a king got really pissed off at each other and they all died, got possessed, or left. And they’re still not too thrilled at each other. So Cailan thinks it would be a great idea to call in the Orlesian Wardens to help kill the thousands of nasty little darkspawn out in the marsh. Loghain, naturally, doesn’t. So Cailan goes, okay, well if we’re not waiting for the Orlesians then we’re just gonna attack right away. Meanwhile Loghain, best strategist in Ferelden is standing in the background head in his hands going “there’s no fucking way this is gonna end well”

spoilers: it doesn’t end well.

Cailan dies, because of course he does, he wasn’t that important anyway. And then Duncan dies, because Alistair just needed for the last bit of anything remotely resembling family for him to die.

oh yeah, all the other Ferelden Wardens die too, except Alistair, ‘cause the darkspawn stopped Alistair from lighting the signal fire that told Loghain to move in in time. So Loghain, who isn’t really all that fond of the Wardens, figures the Wardens shanked Cailan and his guys in the back, and remembers the promise he made to his best bro that fateful day, and leaves.

Oops.

‘Cause, uh, yeah, it doesn’t look that way to Alistair. To him it kinda looks like Loghain was the one who shanked Duncan in the back. And then left him for the ogres.

so, Alistair, completely ignorant as to what the fuck is actually going on in this soap opera of a family, grabs his sword and Duncan’s shield and raises his head defiantely and says, “fuck you, Loghain” and goes off to kill his dad’s best bro***. And possibly become king. Or have the oppurtunity to become king and run off with the WArdens because that’s Just Not Who He Is.

And that is why, if anyone ever tells your  DA oc is a Mary Sue, you can point them straight to Enchanter Motherfucking Fiona and her son Alistair “the Blight brings people together” Theirrin.

*citation needed

**Or possibly turnips. Potato having status of Ferelden is as of yet unclear. But if they have chocolate, I’ll assume they have the wonder that is potatoes.

***but only because nobody has cell phones. or sense.