the hell christopher

Mafia AU (Inspired by John Wick)-Submitted by Anonymous

This is not exactly a fic but more of a collection of ideas. I don’t know what to do with it. So maybe others could have a go at it.

Victor is an ex-assassin for the Russian mafia mourning the death of his husband Yuuri. Vicchan, Yuuri’s beloved poodle and sole reason why the two of them met, was left in Victor’s care. While coming into terms with his grief by visiting the first place he met Yuuri, Victor has a run-in with Yurio and his friends which ended with him losing Vicchan as well. This triggered the bloodiest war waged against the Bratva yet.

With Yuuri and Vicchan gone, Victor loses all of his mercy and morality. He slips back into his old assassin persona and becomes hellbent on killing Yurio. It doesn’t matter who stands in his way.

As the top assassin in the world and a former associate, Viktor becomes the greatest threat to the Bratva since Yurio is its heir. They scramble to set up defenses on his inevitable onslaught, call in favors for further support, and even raise a bounty on Viktor’s head.

Meanwhile, the Russian government and the Interpol see this as an opportunity to bring down the mafia. They become an unexpected factor in the war as they would sometimes blatantly back up Viktor or take advantage of the chaos the assassin leaves in his wake during his hunt. 

Many allies, both fake and sincere, tries to keep up with Viktor but he constantly leaves them in the dust. He prefers to work solo and he made a vow to never let anybody close again. Yuuri and Vicchan and their memories together will be enough to sustain him until he could avenge them properly. After that, Viktor looks forward into seeing them again in another life.

Notes:

- Like John Wick in the movie, Victor uses Yuri as a scapegoat for his mourning and loss. Yuuri, an ex-competitive figure skater, died because of a brain injury gained after a bad fall while demonstrating a quad jump to a young fan. It was an accident and Victor couldn’t cope properly with it because he needed something or someone to blame. He felt helpless. So when Yuri and his friends killed Vicchan, he releases all of his pent up frustration and aggression at them.

- Viktor also has a lingering resentment against the Bratva. They made him jump through multiple hoops before finally letting him retire and live in peace with Yuuri. Had they let him go sooner, he would have spent a longer time with Yuuri and Vicchan. He could have been happier for so many more years. He blames them for his “stolen time” with his husband. This resentment grew worse when he discovers during his crusade that there had been attempts on Yuuri’s life by the Bratva before. The reasons for it were unknown but the fact that they tried is enough for him to desire vengeance.

- The “war” goes on for a longer time than the movie because the Bratva is careful in this AU. Yakov knows there will be no negotiating with Viktor so he didn’t bother placating him. He also didn’t underestimate him and straightaway made preparations for the worst. Yuri is smarter as well and is more mature with his reaction against the threat of Victor. He even think of it as his “coming-of-age” test. If he beats Victor, no one will question his authority anymore even if he’s just an adopted son.

- Otabek is Yurio’s only friend and his closest body guard. The rest of people with him when they harassed Victor were just leeches that he had been forced to make nice with for the family’s sake. Those idiots were the ones that grievously harmed Vicchan. Yurio stopped them too late because he was busy with Victor. He’s not a dog lover but he doesn’t condone animal abuse and mercy kills Vicchan to end his suffering - a scene that is forever seared negatively in Victor’s memory. Once Yurio realized how much of a colossal fuck up the incident was, he punishes the idiots accordingly and manages to blackmail their families into helping them in the “war”.

- Lilia Baranovskaya works with the Russian government. She has a history with Yakov Feltsman who is the leader of the Bratva. She doesn’t talk about it but there is an obvious respect between them even if they are on the opposing sides of the law. She also personally knows Viktor.

- Celestino Cialdini and Phichit Chulanont work with the Interpol. Phichit personally knows Victor through Yuuri and genuinely wants to help the assassin.

- Chris Giacometti is a fellow assassin and the only person in the world that Victor might consider as a friend but is extremely dangerous since he is Heel Face Revolving Door trope personified.

- The entire Russian Skating Family had been and/or is still with the Bratva.

- Yuuri doesn’t know about Viktor’s life as an assassin but he can recognize the signs that he was part of the mafia before. It was easy for him to spot them since the Katsukis are yakuza. He grew up in the underworld but eventually escaped from it through competitive skating. His family didn’t resent him for not following the tradition and was truly proud of his accomplishments. Mari was instead groomed as the next leader of the yakuza.

- On their wedding, the Katsukis became suspicious of Victor until Yuuri assures them that his husband really had left his dark past behind. The man is truly enjoying the normal domestic bliss that they share together in Detroit. The family was not entirely convinced. Yuuri allows them to make only idle threats so they will finally let it go but not before extracting a promise from them in return. If ever Victor gets into trouble, the yakuza will help him as they would with Yuuri. Mari would later make good of this promise once she gets a wind of the Viktor’s “war” in Russia.

- Yuuri and Victor met during the Rostelecom Cup. Victor was on a mission at that time when he got “mauled” by an escaped Vicchan. The poodle followed him everywhere and he begrudgingly let him stay with him for a night. He later posts a picture of the dog with some details online in hopes of finding the owner because Vicchan is messing up his schedule. Yuuri later shows up at his rented apartment to pick Vicchan up. They were instantly attracted with each other. Sadly nothing else happens except for an exchange of names but Victor definitely looks up Yuuri Katsuki in his free time after that.

- They met again at GPF Sochi. He was free at that time so Viktor was able to watch Yuuri’s freeskate. Yuuri performed badly because he just received news about his father’s death that morning. Viktor had slipped backstage to check up on Yuuri and heard him crying in the restroom. With no idea how to help Yuuri, Viktor ended up inviting the skater for a drink. Yuuri agreed, blows off the gala and the banquet, and got absolutely smashed with Victor at the club. That night, Victor realized that he actually cares for Yuuri and wants to keep the man close to him. Their night ended with them cuddled up together in a cheap motel dead drunk and half naked. Victor wakes up first that morning and leaves. He left Yuuri his personal contact number so they could keep in touch along with some medicine and water.

- Victor and Yuuri kept in touch after that. They meet up “accidentally” sometimes when Yuuri is competing. They slowly fell in love. They had their first argument and first kiss in a parking lot before the Cup of China gala exhibition. Their first official date was in Saitama during Worlds. Victor finally decides he wants “out” in the mafia after he and Yuuri exchanged rings in Barcelona.

- Victor and Yuuri got married in Detroit. They decided to live there together with Vicchan as soon as Yuuri retired. It was perfect since they both can start a new life far away from their dark pasts together there.

- Victor became suicidal after Yuuri and Vicchan’s death until he meets Makkachin during his crusade. She’s a big old poodle he had “borrowed” from an impound he had broken into during an escape. Makkachin become his Hope Spot.

- No character is safe but between Yurio and Otabek, one will definitely die as the other lives at the end.

- Viktor earned the silly nickname “Old Man Winter” because of his silver hair. The name became synonymous to Boogeyman soon after in the underworld because of Victor’s clinical and efficient kills. No one beats his record yet of the highest body count.

The Doctors as "My Immortal" Quotes

William Hartnell: “Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Professor McGonagall"

Patrick Troughton: “Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a Gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.”

Jon Pertwee: “And den……………..I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11”

Tom Baker: “U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way.”

Peter Davison: “he put his arm around me all protective.”

Colin Baker: “I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA.”

Sylvester McCoy: “What was DAT al about?”
“It wuz to blackmail u.” I snarked.

Paul McGann: (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!)

Christopher Eccelston: “You dunderheads!1111111111” screamed Dumbledore wisely"

David Tennant: “I’m good at too many things? WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!”

Matt Smith: “STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS”

Peter Capaldi: “I was even upset went to rehearsal with my Gothic metal band, Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the leader singer of it and I play guitar”

I’m so sorry.

Run like hell.
Run like hell because you always need to.
Laugh at everything, because it’s always funny.
Never be cruel and never be cowardly.
And if you ever are, always make amends.
Never eat pears. They’re too squishy. And they always make your chin wet. That one’s quite important. Write it down.
—  Twelth Doctor
I don't.

Chris pine x reader

Rated: m?

Summary: Many years ago you and Chris were in a relationship prior to him becoming the great Chris Pine, the household name that everyone knew. Sadly, as most couples fall victim; it fell apart but recently in an interview, Chris is asked of surprising information that brings his past back to the future. 


                       Chapter 1: Gossip Vs. Reality. 

2002

You and  Chris Pine have been at the “Lakeside Bar” for a little over an hour originally there to celebrate your new job however it quickly turned into drinking more than either planned on. You watched Chris’ eyes turn a shade darker with every ounce of alcohol he poured down his throat, loved the way his voice grew raspy as he spoke to you. He extended his arm on the small table you two sat at and played with you shirt. 

 He was inebriated, shit faced in other terms. This beautiful man was slowly loosing his gentleman like appearance and falling victim to the alcohol. He was spewing nonsense, making sexual advances; rubbing your thigh, making excuses to kiss you. He was a twenty-two year old man who was acting like a sixteen year old getting drunk for the first time. 

“I love you.” Chris says before swigging another shot, feeling the burning liquid slide down his throat. “Oh god.”

“You’re drunk, Christopher.” You say, matching his slur.

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Washington is judging you from the other side

I bet you thought I was done ruining The World Was Wide Enough. YOU THOUGHT WRONG

A quick redraw of that one broken computer comic because it was bugging me.

Oscars-Drabble



Thank you to @theycallmebecca and @heather-lynn for the story idea.  

This story was inspired by a pic a lot like this:

“Christopher!” You shouted up the stairs. “Where’s Nicholas?”

“He’s up here with me!” Chris called back.

“How are you even getting ready for the Oscars with a baby?” You started up the stairs in search of your boyfriend and son. “What the hell, Christopher?” You could not believe your eyes..almost. It was becoming commonplace with Chris to walk in on scenes like this.  And scenes like this were your son on the bed, head sticking out of Chris’s dress shirt, jacket, and bowtie Chris was supposed to wear to the Oscars.  

Chris threw his head back and laughed, snapping a picture of your son.

My son looks better in this tux than I do! His tweet read the next day along with the picture.

Curse of Shortness

request ; 63 with Christopher please?? The reader saying it to him lol (I’m a shorty so this is adorable!

#63: “You’re not short. You wouldn’t understand.”

requested by anonymous.

pairing ; chris x short!reader

summary ; don’t put things on the top shelf of the damn cabinet.

words ; 1002

warnings ; n/a


You let out a frustrated huff, reaching up and standing on your tiptoes to reach something your wonderful husband put on the top of a cabinet just to spite you. Your fingers stretched out as much as possible, the strain causing the skin to turn just a shade lighter. “Oh my God,” you whispered under your breath, looking down and debating what you were going to do.

Then an idea popped in your head. Bracing your hands on the counter, you hoisted yourself up, using your knee to equalize the amount of force you were using. Once you were completely up, you smiled and swooshed what hair had fallen in your face out of it, and reached up. You still had to reach up, but not as much, so you grabbed the mug he put in the cabinet with ease.

But then, just as you were moving out of the way to shut the cabinet, you heard chuckling behind you. “Shut the hell up, Christopher,” you immediately said, hiding a smile behind your faux annoyance.

“Why are you on the counter, sweetheart?” Chris’ words were spoken in a mocking tone, and you could just see the smug smile on his face ─ stupid cute smile.

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Somebody To Love - Chris Evans

summary: Chris keeps trying to tell you he’s in this for the long haul. You, however, don’t think he realizes what the haul will enquire. Does he know there’s more to you than what you show him? Does he see the pain in your eyes?  

people: Chris - Reader (you)

warnings: none. 

word count: 1.6k

a/n: I want this to be dedicated to a loving and caring person who knows what having everyday pain is like. @sfreeborn you are a warrior, and like me, you have to get up and go on with your day even when it feels like hell. You are so amazing and I just hope this imagine is something you’ll enjoy, I only want to make you happy, dear. - R .xx


Have you ever felt just…so angry at nothing? You just endure the anger because you can’t blame anyone! You just swallow the pill of tolerance every day and wait until you’ve reached the point of no return. You become your anger. Water that’s boiling hot in a spot right inside your heart. Your loved ones, they try to help but what can help a lost cause? I’m gone, I’m done. I can’t keep pretending, and I know it’ll feel like ripping off a band-aid of a bee sting. But he knows it, and I know it.

I’m not enough.

I’m just so angry, all the time… but who am I angry at? Myself? My body for defying it’s one duty of protecting and nurturing me? No. I was just angry. Angry.

My eyes opened fast and immediately I regretted my decision to wake up. I lifted up my arms to rub my eyes and sit up but fell back into the bed. My arms felt like I’d gone to the gym last night and lifted twenty-pound weights; all night long. Aching so badly my hand shook as I reached for my phone on the bedside table. Typing in my password, I opened up my messages and saw his name right at the top of my contact list, with a blue dot on the left.

Chris: Love wake up! Your coming to set today to meet the cast! Anthony says he’s excited to meet Mrs. America haha XP

Chris: Honey? :)

Chris: Ladybug? You’re normally awake by ten… are you okay?

Chris: Babe?

Chris: okay I’m worried now, I’ve called ten times, I’m coming home.

Jesus… why the hell was he up my ass right now?

Glancing at the time my body released a tender sigh, 2:45 P.M.

How had I missed his calls? I always knew it was him by his custom ringtone; “Single Ladies” by Beyoncé. My ringer was on loud too, so why the hell had I missed them all?

Dropping my phone onto the white comforter that held me hostage in a tight, comfy cocoon. Awaiting for Chris to come through the door in panic any minute. He’d be racing the highway to get here and I was already guilt-ridden enough, I didn’t want to cause him an accident by calling him so I awaited his booming voice he never realized pierced my eardrums like shards of glass.

***

The fight started when he found her in her pajamas, rifling through the tea collection in the kitchen. When he saw her, looking to him like just a lazy-ass, he started in on her. Never seeing the pain in her eyes as his voice hurt her ears like he was scraping his nail down the chalkboard. She tried to hold her own, but there was a Mardi Gras that was going on inside her brain that prohibited her from even hearing his voice. That was, until he slammed his keys on the kitchen counter, making my pain suddenly become power. Angry, nasty, vulnerable power.

“You listen to me, Chris!” His head jumped up to look at her red, puffy eyes. They poured anger into his, and immediately Chris felt himself realize his fuck up of yelling. 

He knew she had chronic pain. Normally, she would just power through it. Lately, though, she seemed… slower, more tired and less driven to be intimate with him… he should’ve known that there was more than just a headache to her chronic pain.

“You listen, okay? I’m am a fucking mess, Chris! I have days, where I can’t get out of bed! I’m depressed, therefore I’m not a confident person, ever. I’m always uncomfortable, scared or tired! Do you know how that feels? A-And, s-sometimes I’m just…sometimes I have days where I need someone. Because my brain is questioning everything and everyone. My brain goes into overdrive and suddenly I’m terrified we’re going to get a nuclear attack or I am gonna have like this… massive stroke! I have this severe anxiety and then come to the panic attacks. I have chronic. pain. I am not going to get better, it just a fact. And I hate that! I hate that so fucking much but it’s my life! I deal with it. I do what I can, but I will be damned if I drag someone I love into my personal hell, Christopher. You don’t need someone like me. You deserve a lot bet-”

“No, I don’t, Y/N because you’re mine. You are my woman. I love you, dammit! More than I ever thought I possibly could. I want to be here, there, anywhere you have to go! I want to be at your side. To help you through the pain, cheer you on as you continue getting your therapies. Baby, I don’t need anyone else. I don’t know how to convince you, darling… how can I get you to believe in me! Believe in the truth! There’s no one else I need or want. You’re my one, baby. You must know that, or at least feel that.” You shook your head, though, looking down at the blue tips of your hands, angry with Chris’s words. 

Standing up I went to walk away but halted, feeling that gnawing off my anger bubbling up in my stomach for some reason, this time I didn’t suppress it, I took it in and embraced that anger, letting it flood the room with my poisonous tone. Even Chris jumped when he heard my roar.

“WHY DO YOU WANT SOMEONE WHO CAN’T BE WHAT YOU WANT? WHY? YOU COULD HAVE HAD THE HOTTEST WOMEN IN THE WORLD, I DON’T GET IT, CHRISTOPHER!” 

Tears streamed like rivers down your cheeks but you couldn’t care less, you felt broken and wanted help. You hurt and wanted to be cared for. You were exhausted to the point of just passing out on the floor. You wouldn’t even mind if that happened, though. It’d help in forgetting that this fight ever occurred.

Chris decided to come back at me one final time. Throwing his emotional pain into his words, finally letting me see an emotion I rarely saw in Chris; desperation.

“WHY DON’T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND I’M IN LOVE YOU! THAT’S IT. YOU ARE THE ONE I WANT, FOREVER!”

When he stopped. It was like his final words did it for me, things clicked and I saw behind those blue eyes that he was telling the cold, hard, truth. He was leaving me, he wanted to be with me… and though those words didn’t make sense in my mind now, I felt comforted in a weird way, like I was actually… loved, by someone.

 We didn’t speak. we just let our bodies talk to us. 

Maybe it was the pain that finally got to her, letting her emotional barricade be broken down, allowing Chris to come over to her side of this violent, kitchen war. My legs were shaking and he could tell I was in immense pain from standing so long. Quickly he swept me up from the floor and into his arms. I relaxed into his chest while my arms hung around Chris’s neck.

He pecked my forehead steadily as he reached our bedroom, laying me down on the comforter while he searched for a blanket to cover me. I felt my eyes getting droopier and droopier by the second. Like they always say, you never know when you slip into sleep, it just comes over you and takes you in. I gladly let sleep take away me in, dissipating the pounding headache and throbbing limbs I was suffering with. I knew when  I woke up, he’d be right by my side. Things would be different, though, he’d know what’s happening, he’d be different when he talks about going out and doing active things. 

  Chris would take a while to mildly understand what my chronic pain felt like, but I would gladly wait with him as he learned from watching. He was a guardian for me, I guess. I could hold my own if I wanted too. But sometimes, you just want to be loved and taken care of.  

                                                          Chris

Looking at her, I studied her silently. She looked so… defeated. Defeated by her own body, I couldn’t imagine anything worse than getting fucked over by myself. Never being able to stop it. She closed her eyes slowly and let out a sigh of relief. From what? I don’t know. I silently padded around the bedroom, grabbing her two blankets and a glass of water in case she had a headache in the morning. Which normally was the case. Crawling onto the other half of the bed, I just… watched. I watched over her, feeling like I was protecting her from something. Maybe whatever I was protecting her from was all made up in my head, but frankly, I didn’t give a fuck. 


This was my woman, and I was going to care for her. Every moment, of every day. Because she deserved this.

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a conversation my friends and I had about tigger.
  • Friend 1: for a hot second there i forgot that literally bouncing is what he does and thought like, a bouncer at a nightclub
  • me: spdfigfdos
  • Friend 2: I would fucking watch that tho
  • me: THE BEST THING ABOUT TIGGERS IS THAT I'M THE ONLY ONE... ALLOWED TO KICK YOU OUT AFTER YOU HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK, WHOO HOO
  • Friend 1: skjdflsjfd
  • Friend 2: Pooh is the barkeep! Friendly with simple life advice u-u The hottest cocktail at the 100 Acre Woods? Honey, of course~!
  • Friend 2: (a blend of whiskey, honey and rum that'll warm your tum tum)
  • me: Eeyore is the sad, sad drunk. oh god what went wrong now.
  • me: Kanga is the single mother whose husband ran out on her and she can't afford a sitter while she waitresses so she brings her kid with her. also, I'm going to hell.
  • Friend 1: christopher robin is the hipster who's always trying to come up with new craft brews
  • Friend 2: Roo often tries to emulate Tigger. He alerts him to the drunks who have had too much so he can kick them out
  • me: Rabbit is the health inspector.
  • Friend 2: Piglett's also a waiter but is very nervous and doesn't like serving the big burly dudes. But he's a total sweetheart.
  • Friend 1: i've created a monster
  • Friend 2: Owl's the wise drunk. You know the guy. They knock back a couple and suddenly they know all life's mysteries
  • me: including the ones you didn't ask him about.