the hef

No, zat vas a yoke

This is actually from a larp I npc for, not a table top, but long context short, last weekend the GMs brought back a character I play, a very very old, curse happy Viking witch, to finish up one of the PC’s, Serenity’s, personal plots. Serenity’s parents showed up and were tearing into her for all the dangerous and (by their culture’s standards) sinful things she’s been up to. And then I had to go and break a curse I placed on their bloodline that anyone that line falls in love with will die unless they sacrifice themselves in their place. I do the thing.

Other PC to Serenity’s boyfriend: Oh good, now you won’t die!

Serenity’s mother: wHAT??? *proceeds to make the biggest scene ever, including interrogating the boyfriend and asking if he intended to marry her daughter*

My curse happy witch: *walks slowly away to other people* Vell, Zis is getting messy, even for me. I sink I might stop cursing people…

Other people: Good! We would thank you for it!

My witch: No, zat vas yoke, zat is all I do. Zis is zee most fun I hef hed in years.

Rob Lowe Love Life 

“Threesome! A few years later, back at the mansion with Hef and Mel Brooks. Brooks clearly didn’t understand the dress code.”

Tom:

  • dat shriek tho
  • such cute omg
  • o my gosh beckyyy
  • YOU SAUSAGE
  • shriek
  • FOR FCUKS SAKE
  • wot
  • he s h r i e k
  • HE S H R I E K
  • #teamdianite4lyfe
  • its a hard butt life…
  • #syndisparklez
  • terranceee
  • OOOHH GUYS ;;;;; NOOOO
  • sinnamon roll

Jardon

  • omg
  • SCAN IT
  • *cute giggle*
  • m’lady
  • hmmmmmmmmmm
  • y u hef be med
  • TOM
  • HOLY MOTHER O- NOPE
  • im sick
  • scan the thingsss
  • daaaaaaaaang
  • :0
  • are you purgeterbed????????????
  • rip
  • God dangit
  • stahp
  • *insert something in a russian accent*
  • looks like a cinnamon roll, is actually a cinnamon roll

Sonja

  • ITS SO CUTE
  • lil toof
  • tuckerrrrrr
  • scan allll the things
  • *is ignored…*
  • sorryyy
  • *stereotypical canadian thing*
  • hey sparklez…?
  • BOOTY TOUCHES
  • boop
  • le sigh
  • *keyboard clacking*
  • looks like a cinnamon roll, could actually kill you

Episode 3 Tucker

  • his laugh.
  • HAHAAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHA
  • what the fcuk
  • TOM. WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
  • shut up
  • oh my God
  • salt
  • UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  • looks like it could kill you, could actually kill you

Wag

  • whos james lol
  • ;-;
  • *an actual wizard*
  • tea
  • h-hello?
  • oh….ok…..
  • um
  • his v o i c e
  • o hai :3
  • looks like it could kill you, is actually a cinnamon roll

EDIT:

Tom: LISTEN LINDA. LISTENNNN.

Heaven Headcanons: The Archangels
  • Michael, Lucifer, Raphael and Gabriel shyly entering their Father’s studyroom to ask questions about their sexuality, because they’re curious little fledglings and have started developing all sorts of new, foreign feelings.
  • Raphael being the one that feels like they don’t fit with their other three brothers because they’re the only one with a gender that varies over time and likes to change their vessel from male to female and vice versa unlike the others. They feel different and left out, stays secluded until the other three notice that they’re acting out of place and ask them what’s wrong.
  • “I uhm… I just… I think I’m… uhm… genderfluid…” Raphael confesses in a small voice, fliddling nervously with their fingers as they avoid the gazes of their brothers. “I don’t wanna seem like a disappointement and get devalued, so I didn’t tell anyone. Not even dad. I’m sorry.”
  • Michael, Lucifer and Gabriel pull Raphael in the biggest hug and tell them that they’re all four unique in their own ways, and that his gender or sexuality won’t change the way they feel about them.
  • All four of the archangels being unable to sleep alone at night, so the three oldest reunite in Gabriel’s bedroom and join their baby brother in bed to cuddle and fall asleep better.
  • Lucifer being the best at manipulating magic and only giving away all of his tricks to Gabriel, both to entertain him and help him improve on his skills.
  • The archangels forming a musical group by Heaven’s waterfall where Lucifer plays the harp, Gabriel plays on his horn, Raphael the harmonica and Michael sings. It brings everyone joy, even their Father.
  • Raphael becoming mother nature’s best friend as they grow up and choosing to spend their time in the wilderness and befriend the wildlife because it brings him tranquility and merriment.
  • Gabriel caressing through Lucifer’s wings with his fingers after his two big brothers had a fight and plucking out the feathers that perish in shame, despair, sadness and regret.
  • Michael and Lucifer escaping Heaven when everyone is asleep to go sit on the highest cloud in the sky and count the stars, cuddle close and kiss.
  • The two youngest of the archangels, Raphael and Gabriel bringing their Father company when he’s writing; either to blabber about things they did today which also gets Chuck inspired or to give him hugs. They’re needy little angels and demand a lot of affection, okay?
  • Lucifer tickling Michael’s nose with one of his feathers to get him to sneeze. It makes his wings poof out which usually embarrasses Michael, but Lucifer thinks it’s cute.
  • Michael kissing Raphael’s booboo on his knee better from falling while he was chasing Gabriel, instantly healing it.
  • Raphael comforting Gabriel when Michael and Lucifer are fighting each other again.
  • Michael and Lucifer regretting their stupidities when Raphael yells at them for upsetting their youngest brother, even writing them a letter that says “we’re never talking to you both ever again!” that slightly amuse the two brothers as well as making their hearts sting.
  • Lucifer and Michael getting inside Gabriel’s bedroom to come apologize and offer hugs to both him and Raph.
  • Gabriel clinging to his older brothers and crying into their arms, repeating that he loves them and doesn’t want them to hurt each other because they mean so much to him until he falls asleep in wings out of exhaustion and they all cuddle close.
The Hills - Chapter Two

Chapter One | Story Masterlist

Thank you for your sweet comments on the first chapter! This wasn’t supposed to be longer than two parts, but the story kinda developed on its own and I can already tell you there will be at least four more parts. I hope you enjoy! :)

WC: 3543

Warnings: strong language, angst galore, alcohol, tipsy driving (DON’T drink and drive, please), nsfw

Chapter Two: Professional

The next evening I had my second encounter with Negan and I was beyond nervous. He’d told me to meet him after dinner because he was going to be busy all day. It was a particularly hot evening so I decided to wear something less formal this time; I pulled a floral romper out of my closet and paired it with a pair of black sandals. I curled my eyelashes and applied a fairly generous amount of mascara, put my hair up into a ponytail and completed my outfit with a pair of golden hoop earrings.

I got into my car and sped down the highway to the mansion. When I reached the residential quartier Negan lived in, the gate opened, and just like the first time I had been there I parked my car near the entrance. This time, however, the atmosphere was completely different. The mansion at night looked like a whole new place, the massive fountain was illuminated by colored footlights and the garden was lit by the full moon.

Keep reading

My Icelandic translation of Wishing

Þú varst eitt sinn mitt ljós í myrkri
Þú varst mitt aðsetur
Þú varst eitt sinn vinur og faðir
Þá hrundi minn heimur

Ó bara ef þú værir hér á ný
Ef þú værir mér við hlið
Þær nætur sem að mig dreymir þig
Veita mér sálarfrið

Ó bara ef ég gæti heyrt rödd þína
Þótt hún hafi dáið með þér
Þó ég dreymi minn draum
Get ég ey uppfyllt ósk þína af raun
Um gott líf handa mér

Gráar bjöllur og steyptir englar
Við þeim mér ofbýður
Þau sýnast ey vera af þinni manngerð
Þú varst hlýr og blíður

I of mörg ár hef ég barist við tár,
Því deyr ey fortíðin?

Ó bara ef þú værir hér á ný
Þó ég þurfi að kveðja þig
Reyni að fyrirgefa, kenndu mér að lifa
Veit mér styrk til að reyna

Engar fleiri minningar, eða þögul tár
Nú segja skilið þarf ég við mín æskuár
Hjálpaðu mér að kveðja þig
Hjálpaðu mér að kveðja þig!


And here it is translated into English:

You were once my light in darkness
You were my home
You were once a friend and father
Then my world fell apart

Oh only if you were here again
If you were by my side
The nights that I dream of you
Give me a peace of mind

Oh only if I could hear your voice again
Even though it died with you"
Even if I dream my dream
I can’t make your wish really come true
Of a good life for me

Gray bells and sculpted angels
They distress me
They don’t seem to be like you
You were warm and gentle

For too many years I have been fighting back tears
Why doesn’t the past die?

Oh only if you were here again
Even though I have to say goodbye to you
Try to forgive, teach me to live
Give me the strength to try

No more memories or silent tears
Now I’ve got to part with my childhood years
Help me say goodbye to you
Help me say goodbye to you