the hare and hounds

The Tsesarevich Nicholas … was an open-hearted, sociable young man who enjoyed the life of his regiment and the company of his cousins and childhood friends, the “potatoes”. They gave themselves this nickname after a game of hare-and-hounds in the palace park at Gatchina. The “hounds” lost the tracks and asked a peasant which way their friends had gone. The answer, “They turned into potatoes” - meaning “they turned into the potato field” - caused endless amusement and gave them their name. (The joke really only works in Russian, which has no definite or indefinite article.)

Charlotte Zeepvat: The Camera and the Tsars

The Sabbat Song

Sleep is waking, waking sleep
we ride the broom across the deep,
fair is foul and foul is fair
by bee and cat, by hound and hare,
the living die and the dying live
we turn the shears and the sieve,
light is darkness, darkness light
to farers through the mystic night,
up is down and down is up
to seekers of the cauldron-cup,
lords are churls and churls are lords
we leap across the bridge of swords,
birth is death and death is birth
we tread the paths beneath the earth,
Bride is Hag and Hag is Bride
Between the times we rage and ride,
day is night and night is day
for farers on the witching way.

Text and image by Nigel Jackson, from Call of the Horned Piper

Spooky Creature Generator

This won’t give you stats, but it’ll give you flavour (and that’s what I’m all about)

Roll for Texture

  1. Undead
  2. Poxed
  3. Burned
  4. Dire
  5. Albino
  6. Immortal
  7. Ancient
  8. Skeletal
  9. Mutant
  10. Roll twice

Roll for Animal

  1. Boar
  2. Snake
  3. Mushroom
  4. Hound
  5. Fox
  6. Spider
  7. Crow
  8. Sparrow
  9. Fish
  10. Hare

Roll for Style

  1. Men
  2. Women
  3. Children
  4. Golems
  5. Ghosts
  6. Soldiers
  7. Demons
  8. Creatures
  9. Beasts
  10. Witches
The Sabbat Song

Sleep is waking, waking sleep
we ride the broom across the deep,
fair is foul and foul is fair
by bee and cat, by hound and hare,
the living die and the dying live
we turn the shears and the sieve,
light is darkness, darkness light
to farers through the mystic night,
up is down and down is up
to seekers of the cauldron-cup,
lords are churls and churls are lords
we leap across the bridge of swords,
birth is death and death is birth
we tread the paths beneath the earth,
Bride is Hag and Hag is Bride
between the times we rage and ride,
day is night and night is day
for farers on the witching way.
                               Nigel Jackson - The Call of the Horned Piper

Sleep is waking, waking sleep
we ride the broom across the deep,
fair is foul and foul is fair
by bee and cat, by hound and hare,
the living die and the dying live
we turn the shears and the sieve,
light is darkness, darkness is light
to farers through the mystic night,
up is down and down is up
to seekers of the cauldron-cup,
lords are churls and churls are lords
we leap across the bridge of swords,
birth is death and death is birth
we tread the paths beneath the earth,
Bride is Hat and Hat is Bride
between the times we rage and ride,
day is night and night is day
for farers on the witching way.
—  Sabbat Song: The call of the Horned Piper
Reign 3x07: Prince on the Streets Freak in the Sheets

Reign’s “The Hound and The Hare” had a lot to teach us, such as 1) Kings of the Valois got a bonus mini funeral for their organs, apparently 2) you should always throw down a foam mat under your sex horse and last but not least 3) don’t take it personally when a guy is not into you. Sometimes it’s not you it’s him and the fact he’s being blackmailed by the new annoyingly sexy English ambassador.  

But what this episode really tried to get across most of all is that Mary seriously has to start dating. It may seem very soon to us, still deep in our Francis feels, but there’s been a time jump since the last episode (enough time to get her portrait to Don Carlos and for him to travel to her from at least Austria) and again: courtship for Mary is not about love anymore. It’s for funding her military, defending her borders, making powerful allies.

And if it also involves hearing a handsome prince shade Elizabeth that’s cool too.

Mary had a nice long laugh about Carlos demanding to see Queen Elizabeth’s vadge, and then he was like “Hey how about a game of chase in the woods for kisses?” and Mary was like “No thanks creeper.”

Then she met Heath Ledger lookalike Gideon, and a flash of chemistry was registered on elite chemistry-monitoring equipment at American’s Center of Chemistry Studies, almost 500 miles away.

Gideon’s first order of business is to chase off Don Carlos, and was able to scare him off pretty good with a single vague note about secrets:

Mary, of course, immediately blamed it all on herself.

Meanwhile Catherine was pressing the Privy Council to hurry up and make her regent already so the country didn’t look like it couldn’t get its pants on. Sensing her Privy Council was stalling to keep her off the throne, she approached Narcisse and made him an offer: elect me to the Privy Council and I’ll promote you to Lord Chancellor. Then her boy toy Christophe appeared and they made sweet love in a breezeway.

A couple things about this: who knew Catherine wore such sexy underwear!!! I want that corset type top. And secondly, guys: you appear to be in a HALLWAY.  Sure, even the best of us have made out in the shower stall of an Ikea display bathroom, but we’re not royalty, the most we risk is getting ejected from the premises without eating any swedish meatballs . You are running for regent, Catherine! And thus must remember that the best erections come with discretion. (Motto of the round table.)  

When Catherine noticed Don Carlos’ lackeys hauling boxes of his shit out of the court, she asked Mary what had happened and Mary was like “I missed up. He doesn’t love me. Probably because I refused to play his creeper games.” Catherine was like “So play his creeper games. Yes it’s a physical and emotional violation of your boundaries but welcome to gender dynamics in the 16th century girl.” and Mary was like “UGH FINE. I’ll go hide his luggage so he can’t leave until he falls in love with me.”

Determined to show Don Carlos she could handle a nightmarish chase through a woods, Mary told him while he waited for his luggage to show up (LOL) they could try his little Hounds and Hare game, which is when he told her she would be chasing him. Mary was like “Okay I guess that’s slightly less creepy. Slightly.”

Meanwhile Lola was trying to talk Narcisse out of a high powered Lord Chancellor job and also why did his junk smell like strawberry chapstick? Clearly her arguments about how his job was good enough, couldn’t he just focus on being satisfied and suddenly I’m humming “That Would Be Enough” from Hamilton… hold on brb.

Okay! Had to listen to that track real quick. Anyway: despite the fact they keep me breathing, Narcisse and Lola’s marriage is already showing cracks. Maybe due to Narcisse’s deception infidelity? If I could be mad at Catherine I would be but sorry, between Lola and Catherine I will always be #TeamCatherine.

Meanwhile Bash woke up next to Delphine looking *thrilled*.

Hahahaha Bash is so miserable! Sorry you wake up on top of a supermodel, seems like a real ordeal. Granted he’s just lost his brother and tipped into a relationship with a very witchy woman who has a mind-heart link to a serial killer. I guess that could be kind of stressful.

Speaking of which, Delphine sort of but not quite trailed the killer to a village/Greer’s tavern. Bash wanted to close the tavern to protect the working ladies, but Greer pointed out that the serial killer would just find another victim, why not lay a trap for him and spring when he went for the bait?

Annnnnd speaking of hunting metaphors, all the ladies of the French Court were trading their dainty heels for riding boots so they could chase the guys through the woods and honestly this looked very fun. Is it sexist of me if I insist on doing this on my next birthday? There doesn’t have to be kissing. A woodland girls vs. guys chase just seems like a good time.

Of course I would probably do exactly what Mary did: immediately turn my ankle. Yes, Mary “pulled a Lily” by severely spraining her ankle while trying to ford a stream within like fifteen minutes of the race starting. I feel you girl.

With no other players in sight and dark falling on the woods, Mary was facing a real Bear Grylls situation when Gideon popped up through the trees and offered to carry her home.

Since Romancing the Stone I have been a sucker for Begrudging Chivalry so I really enjoyed this moment.

And the human horse ride came with a prize: Gideon spilled a little tea about Don Carlos being rumored as a “real freak in the bed”, but still generously carried Mary within reach of Don Carlos so she could make her own choices.  Mary ran straight down to the basement to see what exactly was in Don Carlos’ luggage and Don Carlos turned up again to yell at her for a) not catching him during his creeper game b) stealing his luggage (fair) and c) trying to crack it open like a Prohibition detective (very fair. Shame on you Mary.)

Mary made the point that he should find her schemes flattering: she is just, after all, trying to marry him. That’s when Don Carlos threw a plot twist/steamy ultimatum into the mix: love me, love my sex horse.

Apparently Don Carlos is a masochist. He is looking for a Queen with a little streak of dominatrix to her. Mary was like “Thank you but no thank you.”

Meanwhile Catherine was looking sexy as hell in her nightdress and didn’t she know it.

Yes when Narcisse marched into her bedroom like he owned the place (!!!) to confront her about having sex with her boy toy in the wide open woods (!!!!) Catherine was like “Don’t act like you don’t love it. Sorry I’m not boring like your wife. You want power? You want excitement? Get in this bed.”

And as much as I have rooted for Narcisse and Lola and need them to be together, I just love watching Megan Follows turn Catherine into a femme fatale so much I’m not even mad.

Across town, Leith showed up at the Tavern and he and Greer had a little “we are so over our relationship we can give each other relationship advice” talk. They teased each other about how Leith clearly has a thing for poor little rich girls and Greer likes slummin’ it sea dog style.

Then Leith left, forgetting his cloak and Greer was like “Hold on Leith! You forgot your cloak! Let me run into this foggy alleyway where a serial killer is literally expected to appear any minute!” And then she was roughly pushed by a drunk. Bash came throwing punches in her defense but false alert, drunky was just being drunk. Meanwhile Delphine was getting spirit-choked by the real deal killer!

Watch out Delphine!

Luckily Delphine made it out okay, except for has she even ever been okay?! Delphine is juggling a lot what with sensing a killer’s intentions and dark magic and resurrection powers and I think maybe she should back-burner a relationship until she sorts some things out that she personally has going on. But that’s just me.

Meanwhile, Catherine went to attend the Privy Council’s vote for Regent, which was rudely interrupted by the LIVER OF HER DECEASED SON.

YOOOOO. Reign is going there with the dis-embodied pieces of its former love interest literally on screen!! That has to be a first?!! I mean we are living in amazing times, basically, although clearly not as amazing as the 16th century. Basically Francis’ liver had turned black, a sure sign of poisoning, and we all know Catherine is to poison what Betty Crocker is to cake mixes. After she was accused of murdering her own son Narcisse was like “I guess I’ll step in and act as Regent then until this is sorted out.” A SHAMELESS power grab!

Catherine just about bit a pillow in half she was so angry. Mary was like “If you think you have problems, listen to this shit: Don Carlos wants me to smack him with a whip.” Catherine was like “You call that a problem?! Marry that freak. Sounds like a good time. Does he do threesomes?”

So then we had this incredibly hilarious scene where Mary kinda sorta experimented with light BDSM. Don Carlos got in his leather pants, strapped himself to a sex horse, Mary blindfolded him, and then Catherine tip-toed in and started whipping him SUPER HARD.

Despite the fact Catherine was giving herself tennis elbow smacking his naked torso Don Carlos was like “Is this McDonald’s? Because I am loving it” Still, Mary (who is it turns out a bit of a kink-shamer) got freaked out and told Catherine to stop and Don Carlos slipped off his blindfold and saw that she had called in a friend for their BDSM sesh. This threw him into such a rage he tipped over the sex horse and brained himself on the stone floor.

While Catherine and Mary were trying to figure out how to hide his body, he then disappeared and ran down the hall like a bloody mess!

Cue “Oh boy” Tango & Cash buddy movie look from Catherine and Mary.

The Queen’s Club in a Quagmire, basically, which is my favorite kind of cliffhanger because there’s literally nothing I love more than Mary and Catherine working together against impossible odds and these odds just got super impossible. Will Spain attack France? Will Don Carlos be disinherited? Can the sex horse be repaired? (It looks custom-made, you just know it’s expensive.)

Also Greer is PREGNANT WITH A PIRATE BABY!!!

So yeah, an extremely entertaining episode. I will admit my skin crawled at the idea of Francis’ liver being hauled around in a lovely shoe box and waved threateningly at his mother, but props for showing me something I never in all my days imagined I would ever see on TV…AND a sex horse. We are living in a golden age for the CW.

As you might know the CW has announced an indefinite hiatus for Reign while it shuffles around its winter/spring schedule. The next new episode won’t pop up until after the holidays, January 8th. Then regular episodes should continue until January 22nd, when the show will go into a hiatus with return date TBD. Nothing makes a cold night crackle for me like pearlescent gowns, hair jewelry and brandished goblets, so I’m hoping hard that it comes back within the winter. Until then I’m just going to get my holiday on.

Thank you so much for stopping by my Tumblr and having a read. Your comments, likes & reblogs are the air I breathe (too thirsty? still true.) I will be back when Reign resumes & will post news about the winter hiatus as I hear about it!

6

I’m still avoiding going through my CC at any costs. YES!

Instead I decided to renovate some of the community lots in the Glockenspiel world because there are so many gorgeous new build and buy objects in GT.

This is the Fat Cat & Mustard, a mixture of English pub and German Kneipe (I will add a Biergarten to the river side). There’s a backroom for club meetings as well (#4).

Original building by elsing2000 (The Hare and Hound Pub)