the hardest word to say is goodbye

I think the hardest part about being suddenly left behind is the unprepared closure. No matter how much you want to tell them that they hurt you, or how much you want them to know that you let them in and they took advantage of that, no matter how badly you want them to admit that they did care, and that they still care….you don’t always get that conversation. Sometimes, all you get is the courage to say goodbye and the strength to pick yourself up and move on.
—  It’s time to pick yourself up, lesbellesmarguerites 
A love like that starts with a simple hello, it always does. You’ve never seen this person before, but before you’ve realized anything– you two are already a thing. Maybe she laughs too loud, maybe he’s got a potty mouth– but beneath the loud laughter, she’s a calm and gentle person, she loves to hug people, she loves to hug you. Under all of his vulgarities, he had the sweetest pair of lips, he knew the right words to say, he always made you feel safe. Maybe you’re into writing love letters, maybe you’re into love making– whatever it is, with whoever it is, it’s always sweet, there’s a hint of roughness, but it’s only ever to spice things up. Kissing means you’ve been at it for hours, you never want it to end at that point. Saying goodbye is the hardest, when’s the next time I’ll see you? I can’t get enough of you. You wanna know the saddest thing about a love like that? It always ends with a goodbye, I can only pray that the movies and books were right, this time… I will only have hello to say to you. I never want to say goodbye.
—  The hello
Tears On My Pillow

AO3 Link

Dean is drunk. No, not drunk exactly, just…buzzed. He has to concentrate pretty hard on unlocking the door to the bunker and on not falling headfirst down the staircase. The whole place is silent and still, and it fills Dean with relief. After his conversation with Cas, short as it had been, he’d had to go. Had to get out of there, because the crushing guilt of everything he’s done would have sent him over some sort of edge if he’d stayed.

He told Cas he could stay the night. But come morning, before Sam wakes up, then he has to leave. He secretly hopes Castiel leaves before he wakes up too - or maybe that he’s already left - because he can’t face saying goodbye. Asking Cas to leave was the hardest thing he’s ever had to do, and it still makes his chest clench in pain as he recalls it. The pained, crushed look on Cas’ face as Dean says the words, the words he had to just come out with so bluntly because if he tried to say it in any other way he would have just broken down crying and confessed everything to the ex-angel and begged for his help.

He stumbles down the hall, trying not to knock anything over or wake anyone up. He wants to be alone. Alone with his pain and guilt, alone with the knowledge of what he’s done to his brother, inviting that angel in without his consent; alone with the resignation of asking the best friend he’s ever had to fend for himself in a world he doesn’t belong in and can’t find his feet in. He knows Cas is struggling with his newly human body. His little speech in the bunker earlier on had proved it. He had tried to smile, tried to brush off everything that happened with April, but there was a strange sense of melancholy that had settled around the former angel, one he either couldn’t or wouldn’t shake off.

Dean casts a glance at the closed door to the room he assumes Castiel is in. He isn’t sure, and is still clinging to the hope that it’s only him and Sam in the bunker now, but he sure as hell isn’t going to knock on the door to find out. He couldn’t lie to Cas about why he needed to leave, so he had to stay as far away from him as possible. Awkward questions would be his undoing, and God knows Cas is the master of those.

He turns the doorknob to his own room and stumbles in, not bothering to turn on the light. He kicks off his shoes and strips off his outer shirt and jeans, leaving his boxers and t-shirt on and trying to keep himself upright. Damn, maybe he’s drunker than he thinks. He grips the edge of the dresser and turns to climb under the sheets, achingly desperate to pass out and just not think any more. But once he turns, all thoughts leave his mind and he just stares, open-mouthed, at the sight before him.

Castiel is asleep in his bed.

For half a second, Dean swears his heart stops beating. He casts around the room in rising concern, wondering if he’s stumbled in to Cas’ room in his inebriated state but no - everything that should be there is. His iPod, John’s journal, the wall of weaponry, the half-empty bottle of Jack… he’s in his own room, and Cas is in there too. Jesus fuck, now what is he supposed to do?

He half considers waking Cas up, asking him what the hell he’s doing and kicking him out into his own room. It would be like kicking an injured puppy, and Cas definitely didn’t need any more kicking when he was down. He’s never been this low before, and Dean can’t bring himself to add to it any more than he already has. He could wander across the hallway and sleep in another room - it wasn’t like they were short on space. He wanted to be alone, after all. Didn’t he?

Or, he could do what he does next. His legs move of their own accord and he approaches the bed. Castiel is lying on his side, on Dean’s side of the bed, facing the wall. Dean leans over, just to check Cas is actually asleep, and almost overbalances and falls on top of him, the whiskey in his veins not playing fair. Cats is definitely asleep, but he doesn’t look peaceful. One hand is scrunched in the sheet, the other pillowing his face, and his brow is scrunched up in consternation. His dark hair is a mess, and he’s still wearing the t-shirt he had on earlier. And are those tear tracks on his cheeks…? Fuck. Dean isn’t sure, and he isn’t waking Cas up to ask. The bed is big enough for both of them, he can just slide under the sheets, turn away, and nod off. He and Sam have shared enough beds in the past, it isn’t weird.

Except that he and Cas have never shared a bed. They share a ‘profound bond’, which seems to get stronger as the days go by no matter how hard it’s tested, but sharing a bed is a new one. Dean lifts the corner of the covers and cautiously slides into bed, mindful of moving around too much and waking his friend. Castiel should at least be allowed a good night’s sleep before Dean casts him out into the world, alone.

That thought was painful, and Dean cuts off that line of thinking with precision.

He settles down on his back and firmly closes his eyes, refusing to look at the former angel. He wanted to pass out, to go to sleep and not have to think about Cas leaving. Them sharing a bed would inevitably mean a tough conversation in the morning, unless Dean could fake sleep well enough for his friend to slip out thinking he was unnoticed. He listens to his own breathing, then Cas’, then his own again, and can feel himself starting to drift when a noise, soft and barely audible, cuts through the silence.

“Dean…please…”

And Dean freezes. His whole body goes rigid and he can hear his heart pounding in his ears. That was Cas speaking, but it wasn’t a pleasant sound. It was distressed, and Dean wasn’t sure if Cas was crying in his sleep. The body next to him shifts, curling in on itself more, and Dean’s heart aches. Another whine leaves Cas’ lips and Dean can’t take it any more. He shifts onto his side and reaches a hand out towards his friend, his fingers finding his clothed shoulder and squeezing gently in an eerie mimic of the handprint on Dean’s own shoulder. Cas tenses, then relaxes minutely, still asleep but far from at peace. Tiny tremors quake through him, and Dean moves a little closer, his chest almost against the other man’s back. It felt strange to think of Cas as a mere man now, not the angelic force of nature he once was, and Dean swallows through a tight throat. Cas shifts again, snuffling a little in his sleep and it definitely sounds like he’s crying. Dean isn’t sure what heartbreak feels like, but it can’t be very different to this. His eyes burn, and he gives in: he pulls Cas close against him, wraps an arm around his waist and moves his other arm above both their heads to stroke Cas’ hair. It seems to soothe the former angel and he huffs out a deep, shuddering breath, one that Dean unconsciously mimics.

Cas could stay, couldn’t he? He can talk to Ezekiel again in the morning, figure something out. Cas doesn’t have to leave; he can’t let Cas leave. Castiel has put himself in danger for Dean and Sam so many times that throwing him out just can’t be the right thing to do. His drink-fuelled mind crashes through one idea after another, searching for a solution, and even though he fails to settle on one he knows he can’t let Castiel go. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Cas is relaxed against him, warm and soft in his arms, and Dean allows himself to settle back into the pleasant haze of near-dreamland he had been in before Cas’ words drew him out. His eyes close, his mind still wild with thoughts of angels and heaven and trench coats and bright blue eyes…

He wakes up slowly the next morning, on his back with his head pounding and tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. It takes him a moment to realise why he feels so shitty, and why he’s asleep on the wrong side of his bed. Then, with the force of a wrecking ball, it all comes screaming back and his eyes fly open of their own accord. Cas, Cas had spent the night with him in his bed, and Dean really needed to talk to him before he woke up and left. He turns, a hand outstretched to grip the ex-angel’s shoulder and shake him awake, but his hand finds empty air. He blinks, takes in the smoothed down sheets and fluffed up pillow, and the total absence of any of Cas’ meagre things and his throat tightens. Tears burn behind his eyes and he draws in a deep, shaky breath before collapsing back down onto the bed and letting himself cry quietly, his hangover mixed with his raw wave of emotions overwhelming him and breaking down any walls he has left.

Cas is gone.

Goodbyes
are the hardest feeling 
for someone
who believes in the magic
of love.
—  J.D.
Good Memories (Newt Scamander x Reader)

Hello! I had the idea of writing this for a long time and now here it is! Hope you like it. If there’s any mistake, please let me know.

Just imagine how sad it would be saying goodbye to Newt and the others at the end because you’re a muggle/no-maj like Jacob. and you and Newt can’t be together.

Enjoy!

__________________________________________________________

You were at the platform of the NY subway. It was the end. Or at least, you thought that, without knowing the hardest part was coming.

“Are those No-Majs still here?” asked Madam Picquery. At these words, Newt tried to hide you by standing protectively in front of you.

“Obliviate them. There can be no exceptions. I’m sorry, but you know the law. Not even one witness.”

You could feel all the distress around you, what was nothing compared with the one you felt inside yourself.

“I’ll let you say good-bye.” Madam Picquery left you all alone. You exchanged glances with the others and then, slowly, all of you led your way to the platform stairs.

Jacob and you were leading the others up the steps of the subway. You could notice how Queenie was right behind Jacob, as you could notice too Newt’s gaze fixed on the back of your neck.

You thought about all the things that you lived with the four of them, eyes flooded in tears as you remembered every single thing, every single creature… that you had to forgot now. When Jacob and you reached the top of the stairs, you just stood there, gazing into the rain. You were trying to control yourself and not to burst in tears, but it caused you started shaking.

You felt Newt’s hand taking yours so you turned around and looked him in the eyes. Those beautiful green eyes that you loved so much and you had to forget.

“Hey. Hey this is for the best…” Jacob said more to Queenie than to the others.

“Yeah, we were n-never supposed to be here a-anyway.” You continued sadly. “Everybody knows that Newt, you, only kept us around because… Ah…” You realized that you didn’t know that, actually.

“Hey, why did you keep us around, Newt?” asked Jacob. Newt’s face went red and then he sighed.

“Because I like you. Both of you. Because you are my friends and I-I’ll never forget how you helped me.” said Newt finally. You knew saying those things wasn’t easy for him, so you were really overcome with emotion. Bursting in tears, you hugged him tightly.

“I-I can’t believe I was avoiding this all day and now I have to forget everything…” you sobbed. “I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to forget magic… to forget you

“And I don’t want to lose you, (Y/N)… I-I love you.”

You blushed and you separated from him a little to look at him again. He had blushed too. You smiled.

“I love you too, Newt” you moved toward him and then you kissed him gently, Newt stroking your cheek with his thumb, while the other hand was around your waist. It was the best moment in your life, but, the problem was that you had to forget it too. You had to follow the rules, there was no other choice. “I’ve got to go.” You whispered sadly then you separated from him and moved toward the rain again. Jacob was by your side, looking sadly at the magical rain just like you.

You two were going to make the first step toward the water when Newt shouted desperately “GUYS!” You looked at him trying not to burst into tears again, and Jacob said “It’s OK… It’s OK. It’s like waking up, isn’t it?” Both of you stood under the rain, closing your eyes and letting it to cover you all. You tried to keep Newt’s face in your mind, you tried to remember him but, before you’ve noticed it, your mind was clear and you surprisingly found yourself standing in the middle of the street with no idea of what you were doing.

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For anon…enjoy! (More Poe gifs! Yay!)

Kylo Ren tightened his fists as he glowered at you. Tears were falling down your face with hurt and confusion. His cold-hearted mask showed nothing in return.
“Why?” you cried, “Why are you leaving me here?”
He sucked in a pained breath you didn’t notice as he prepared to say the hardest sentence he ever had to speak.
“Isn’t it obvious? I no longer love you. Why keep something so useless around?”
You squeaked as his words smacked your heart. “R-Ren?”
“Jakku is a planet we won’t need, so why not leave you here?”
You didn’t respond as you sat on your knees. Your mind swirled to gain a handle of the situation. Kylo Ren, from beneath his helmut, allowed a tear to roll down his cheek.
“Goodbye.”

You shook your head of the two year old memory. You were unsure why you were thinking of that awful memory. A dull ache pounded every time it ran across your mind. Now, you were in the middle of the Resistance Base fighting for the other side.

Trying to ignore it, you focused on cleaning your X-Wing. You bit your lip as you continued under the hood. You had learned a few things from the mechanics and your commanding officer: Poe Dameron. Of course, you were more than friendly with your superior.

Thinking of the devil, you felt a soft kiss on your cheek. You shot up and grinned. Poe was watching you with his infamous smirk. Gripping his hand, you pulled him closer with a smile. His arms wrapped around your waist. The two of you swayed slightly. He kissed your lips.

“Hey babe,” he greeted.
“Hey there, rascal.” You pecked his lips again. “Need anything?”
His eyes glinted. “Lunch, if the date’s still set.”
“Hmm,” you teased, sarcasm evident, “I do need to work on my X-Wing some more. Oh, and the General wanted to see me to discuss something. Something important.”
He raised an amused brow. “Oh? Important, huh?”
You nodded. Poe smirked.
“Well, it seems I have no choice but to kidnap you.”

Before you could get a word out, Poe threw you over his shoulder. You let out a few giggles as he carried you off. You beamed at the man you loved. The fact that he knew who your ex was and still loved you made it even better.


Kylo Ren watched as you were released from your restraints. You sprinted over to the other prisoner’s body. Poe was it? Yes. That was his name. He noticed you cradle the man’s head gently in your lap. Gingerly, you stroked back his bangs as a few tears slipped out. A laugh of relief burst over you as Poe continued to make light of the situation. His other hand was gripping yours tightly.

Feeling more than irritated, Kylo Ren moved his hand once more. The nearby Stormtroopers took that as an order to separate the pair. He noticed you immediately tensed.


“No. Poe!” you cried, “Let me go! Poe! Poe, baby!”
“Y/N,” he replied just as fervently, “Don’t worry! We’ll get out of this!”

With that, Poe was out of the room. Kylo Ren turned to face you, once again in your restraints. Your tearful gaze hardened into one of anger. You shot your eyes at the knight. He clenched his jaw at the sudden action just as you spit on his helmut.

“Let him go,” you growled.
“Why? Are you in love with him?” he asked.
Your eyes widened as you detected a slight bit of jealousy.
“You have no right to ask that!”
He twitched slightly. “Why’s that?”
“You’re the one who left me on that junkyard planet Jakku!” you howled, “You’re the one who gave up on us! You apathetic, unnecessary, abandoning, mind-reading jerk!”
“I just wanted to keep you safe,” Kylo Ren blurted.
Your face softened slightly, only to be hardened by confusion.
“I told you I didn’t love you so you’d go easier,” he admitted, “I’ve thought of you everyday since I let you go! It’s been tearing me up inside.”
“That’s your own fault,” you barked back, “You chose to leave it like that.”

You lunged forward in your restraints.

“Now let me and Poe go, right now!”

With a wave of his hand, you fell into a deep sleep. Kylo Ren moved slowly toward you. The back of his hand brushed your cheek. How could he be so stupid? He was supposed to be making a selfless decision. But, that just made everything hurt more. With a deep sigh, he closed his eyes. A moment later, he opened them. Should he have asked her to stay?

Want to Request?

“THE HARDEST WORD TO SAY IS GOODBYE”

[5x03 - The Quaterback]

(Via april09th2011)

Goodbye is the hardest word;
To wish well something that is leaving
When you wish for nothing more
Than to have it stay forever.

Goodbye.

It’s a deceptively easy word to say
It lends nothing to the difficulty
With which you will try to process it.
Nor the pain it gives as it leaves a hole inside you.

Goodbye.

Please don’t go
I’m not ready for the illusion of someday to end.

Goodbye.

Please stay just a little while longer
Give me time to catch my breath
To make my peace with what will be.

Goodbye.

I don’t think you understand
The sorrow that is pulling me apart at the seams.

Goodbye.

I’ve wanted this longer than anything else
I was made for this and now
It will become a cancer in my soul
Eating away at me one moment at a time.

Goodbye.

I do not think that means what you think it means.
It comes with a connotation that there will be another hello.
But there will not.
There is a finality I cannot fathom.

… goodbye.

© Courtney Turley 2016

You’re all I want. You’re all I need. You’ve become my everything. You’re my favorite hello and my hardest goodbye. I don’t have the words to express my for you anymore. All I can say is I Love You.

Sometimes we try to hold on to things that are no longer ours.  It becomes painful to love them or even have them in your life because we should have already let them go. The hardest thing about growing up is learning when to move on but eventually we all have to face reality.
For You I Will [Steve Rogers x Reader]

Word count: 2763

Warnings: Angst, fluff

Request: Hi, could I request a Steve X reader with “For you I will” by Monica please?

Authour’s note: The lyrics of this song are beautiful but I didn’t want to do a songfic, so I kinda followed the song and some of the sentences. I was having major Steve feelings, so I hope you like it! Feedback is always appreciated.

Masterlist / To Do List

The hardest part of losing someone, isn’t having to say say goodbye, but rather learning how to live without them.

Although he hadn’t died yet, I felt like I was losing the only person who had acted as a father figure. My grandfather, my hero, my… everything. My grandfather had been the person who had guided me for, practically, half of my life. My grandfather was like my father and often, he was my father. But he was leaving. Gradually, his life was fading and there was nothing I could do.

While I walk through the halls of the hospital, I confirmed I hated hospitals. I hated the smell that defied death, the uncolored rooms and floors. There was nothing I liked about them and, although I knew was better there than at home, I couldn’t help but wish I could take him home.

I had left the room where my grandfather was resting with the intention of looking for a coffee. At night I couldn’t sleep but when I got there, my body struggled against my mind to fall asleep. I knew it was due to stress and nerves, but I was physically and psychologically exhausted. And although I felt bad for even thinking it, I wanted it all to end as soon as possible.

A feeling of anger and defeat ran through my body when the vending machine swallowed my money and didn’t give me anything to eat. I started beating it while screaming nonsenses, drawing the attention of everyone who was in the cafeteria. Tears started rolling down my cheeks as, gradually, the intensity of my punches went trailing off. I turned around, leaning my back against the vending machine and I slid my body to the floor as I covered my face with my hands and started sobbing.

“I will fight against that vending machine if you want,” someone said to me.

I turned my head slightly, with tears still in my eyes and my body shaking because of the sobs, and I met a boy that was looking at me with his intense blue eyes and a smile full of sadness. His face was beaten up; his right eye was purple and covered with wounds and his lower lip was split in two.

i couldn’t help but let a chuckle get out of my body, which soon became another sob. I hid my head in my hands again and I felt like the guy put one of his hands on my shoulder.

“I can’t promise it will get better anytime soon but I can tell you that it will, eventually.”

And, although I had no idea who he was, and he had no idea who I was or what was happening to me, his words comforted me. And that was how I met one of the people who would become one of the pillars of my life. That same day, Steve Rogers and I exchanged phone numbers with the promise that if I needed to talk, he would be there for me. And I felt super stupid for thinking he could help me but he was the first person that hadn’t told me everything would be okay. He had told me the truth and, because of that, I knew I could trust him.

When you’re feeling lost in the night, when you feel your world just ain’t right, call on me, I will be waiting. Count on me, I will be there.

My grandfather’s funeral was modest, he died early in the morning, and I spent all day locked in the room where he was. I didn’t bother be with him as people said their goodbyes but, at one point, I managed to escape and call the only person I had thought when my grandfather had closed his eyes for the last time.

As if he had been waiting for it, Steve picked up the phone on the first ring and when he heard my words, he sighed as he said he was there for me for whatever I needed.

It was stupid but, in those two weeks, Steve had become the only person with whom I could trust my feelings. He listened to me attentively, without saying a word and when I finished my speeches, he always knew what to say. It was as if he had lived many more lives than me, as if he knew what I was facing. I had wanted to ask why he always seemed to know what to say but, somehow, I was afraid to break the special connection we shared.

“Do you want me to come to the funeral?”

Hear those words from his mouth, without me asking, felt like a relief for me. I sighed and I say yes, that there was nothing I would like more than him being there with me.

Anytime the times get too tough, anytime your best ain’t enough, I’ll be the one to make it better, I’ll be there to protect you, see you through. I’ll be there and there is nothing I won’t do.

When I saw Steve enter the room where my grandfather was, all the tension that unconsciously I had been holding, disappeared from my body with a sigh. Steve smiled, although it showed no sign of joy or happiness, before I ran into his arms.

When his big arms wrapped around my body, I felt like I was home. For the first time in my life, I understand the sentence “sometimes, home has a heartbeat”. Somehow, Steve Rogers had become someone so important in my life that, unconsciously, evoked me the feeling of home.

“Is there something I can do to make you feel better?”

“You are already doing it, Steve.”

Steve didn’t move from my side throughout the entire funeral, he even took my hand when my grandfather’s coffin was placed before me. During all the time that lasted the funeral, I felt that Steve was at my side and he would be, maybe not forever, but for a long time. It seemed that someone had sent me a guardian angel to protect me, to make my days better.

I realized when people came to offer condolences, they looked at Steve with surprise, like if they knew him or saw him somewhere before. I noticed how Steve got nervous and tense, and until I heard the words, I didn’t understand what was happening.

“Captain America. He’s Captain America.”

People will wonder how I haven’t recognized Captain America but the truth was he and his Avengers team? I couldn’t care less. I was grateful for all they had done for us but having them also meant we were more exposed to dangers. It was for that reason I had never stopped to look at who they were and it was for that reason I didn’t recognize the person next to me was Captain America.

“Are you mad?”

Was I mad? No, I wasn’t. I was too tired to feel something as strong as anger. However, I couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed. In those two weeks, Steve had known more than me than me about him, and the fact he had hidden something so important was creating me a bit of conflict.

“Look, I didn’t tell you anything because I didn’t thought you needed Captain America by your side. Not now, anyway. I wasn’t hiding it from you, I was just being myself. I’m Steve Rogers and Captain America is a part of who I am, but right now, you didn’t need him. And honestly, it felt good being just Steve.”

“I’m not mad, Steve” I confessed. Because it was true, I wasn’t mad. “Maybe I should watch more television.” Steve laughed slightly. “I’m just grateful you’ve spent so much time with me, you surely have better things to do.”

“I don’t,” he said shaking his head. “And even if I had them, I don’t want to be anywhere else than here.”

I felt how it clicked. I felt how my whole body reacted in a completely different way, how it said to me Steve was the person who I had been looking for all my life. I felt like my body told me it was him, Steve was the person I needed.

“Don’t worry, this isn’t over Rogers” I said with a smile on my lips.

“Good,” he answered smiling back.

I will shield your heart from the rain. I will let no harm come your way. Oh, these arms will be your shelter. No these arms won’t let you down, if there is a mountain to move. I will move that mountain for you. I’m here for you, I’m here forever. I will be your fortress, tall and strong. I’ll keep you safe, I’ll stand beside you, right or wrong

The most beautiful things in life aren’t just things. They’re people, and places, memories and pictures. They’re feelings and moments and smiles and laughter. And a year after the death of my grandfather, I was sure Steve rogers was one of the most beautiful and precious things in my life.

Our relationship had only made stronger in that time and I found myself falling in love with Steve Rogers. Sometimes I though Steve felt the same by the way he looked at me, the way he spoke at me and the way he, with or without words, assured me he would always be there for me. And when I was ready to take our relationship to the next level, something stopped me.

I had discovered the reason why Steve was at the hospital at the same time as my grandfather. Besides saving the life of millions of people, he had found his best friend, who had become a killing machine and didn’t remember anything. Steve had explained me in detail what had happened and what Bucky meant to him. During that time, he had never stop looking for him and, honestly, I didn’t want him to stop. Bucky was important for him and if he trusted him, I trusted him too. But every time a clue appeared, Steve became a completely different person.

One night, Steve came to my apartment after spending two weeks chasing a clue related to Bucky. He seemed completely exhausted and by the way he looked, I knew that trip hadn’t done him any good.

“You’re going to find him. It might not feel like it right now, but you will” I said before standing on my tiptoes and hugging him. And I hugged him like if he was all I had because, actually, he was all I had. Steve didn’t hesitate to hug me back and kiss my forehead in the process.

“I’m sorry I came here. I know it’s late but… I needed to see you” he confessed as he sat on the couch of my living room. His words managed to stop my heart to start beating harder and faster.

“It’s okay, I couldn’t sleep anyway” I said with half a smile on my lips.

“Why’s that? Something’s wrong?” he asked with concern.

“I was worried about you,” I said trying to downplay by shrugging my shoulders. “I’m always worried when you leave for a mission or to find Bucky. I’m afraid you won’t come home.”

My eyes filled with tears as I said that. Steve leaned over, grabbed my hand and he gently pulled me until I fell on his legs. Then he cupped my face and pressed his lips against mine.

“It was about time you kissed me, Rogers” I mumbled with tears on my cheeks when I broke the kiss. Steve laughed slightly as he looked at me straight into my eyes.

“I will always come back to you,” he whispered. “I promise.”

I will cross the ocean for you, I will go and bring you the moon, I will be your hero your strength, anything you need. I will be the sun in your sky, I will light your way for all time. Promise you, for you I will

“Can we cancel?” Steve asked for the umpteenth time as I turned off the stove. I looked at him with both of my eyebrows raised.

“They’re your friends and we’ve known each other for almost two years. I don’t wanna start thinking you’re embarrassed of me,” I pointed out.

“Quite the opposite, I’m embarrassed of them” he sighed. “And honestly, I don’t want them hanging around our place after this dinner. I’m pretty sure they will invite themselves over anytime and this is our place” he whimpered, making me laugh.

“I won’t let them, I promise you.”

The truth was I didn’t understand why Steve was afraid. His friends were hilarious and I wished that night lasted forever. I didn’t stop laughing all night and they made me feel like one of the team. Steve relaxed after a couple of hours and, after seeing I was comfortable, he began to enjoy.

When they left, after midnight, Steve and I sat on the balcony with a glass of wine in our hands and we observed the stars in silence.

“I like your friends,” I confessed. Steve smiled. “They care about you, Steve.”

He tilted his head slightly. “What do you mean?”

“I could feel how they were watching all my movements, studying me, looking if I was good enough for you. And you know what? I liked they did that because that means they really have your back.”

“I don’t need them to see if you’re good enough for me. You’re too good for me” he confessed, making my heart melt. “Do you know I would do anything for you, right? Anything you need, you name it. I promise you for you I will do anything.”

I put my hand over his, caressing it gently before grabbing it.

“I love you.”

Steve smiled before answering: “Idem.”

I hit his hand as hard as I could, making him laugh.

“What? I thought you liked that movie, Ghost” he said laughing. I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

“You’re right,  I’m too good for you.”

“Yeah and that is one of the million reasons why I love you” he mumbled before kissing me,

For you I will, lay my life on the line. For you I will fight. For you I will die with every breath, with all my soul. I’ll give my world. I’ll give it all. Put your faith in me and I’ll do anything

I wanted to tell him it was a trap, that if he came closer to me we were going to die but I was unable to say a word, much less move. Hydra had been torturing me during the last seventy-two hours and I was tired, like really tired. If I weren’t dead was because, at the end of the day, they gave me something to eat.

“Y/N!” I heard him scream when he saw me and he started running towards.

And, inexplicably, I gathered all the strength I had and yelled: “Steve, stop! It’s a trap!” and my words managed to stop him. “There’s a land mine under me. If I move, I’ll die. If you come here, we will both die.”

Steve pressed his lips together and covered his face with his hands. I could see in him the conflict that situation caused jim. And although he didn’t say the words, I knew that if we couldn’t find a solution as soon as possible, he would do something stupid to try to save me. Because Steve was ready to die for me. The only problem was I wasn’t ready to let him die for me.

“The bomb will explode before the rest of the team comes here,” Steve said in a whisper. “I can’t stay without doing nothing. I have to try.”

And although I wanted to say no, I couldn’t do it because I knew he was going to do it anyway. That was our relationship, it didn’t matter what we say, when it came to risk our lives for the other, we did it without thinking about the consequences or what the other wanted. Because we loved each other too much to not do anything.

“Do you know I was going to ask you to marry me the night Hydra captured you?”

I closed my eyes as sobs came out of my body.

“Do you trust me, babe?” he asked me.

“Of course I trust you,” I mumbled.

“Good because I need you to put your faith in me because I’m gonna try to save us both.”


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