the happy heathen

Me during my first Easter in Canada

Friend: Let’s make Easter eggs! :D

Me: Aw hell yisss! I’ve only made them once but it’s so much f-

Friend: *plunks down tray of boiled eggs*

Me: …The fuck is this.


Boiled eggs. 

North American Easter eggs are boiled eggs dipped in food colouring

It was very anti-climactic. 

@white supremacists ESPECIALLY THE HEATHENS

Please don’t wear runes, just don’t, ok? I was wearing my Algiz necklace and literally had to take it off at work because it’s associated with nazis?? I didn’t even know this was a thing? I’ve just been having a lot of shitty things happen so I decided to wear it to PROTECT ME FROM JUDGEMENTAL ASSHOLES BUT APPARENTLY YOU’RE ALREADY USING IT. I’m ready to fight you. If you want to wear a fucking rune and be all witchy and racist just wear a fucking swastika that way we all know. D<

Pete| Animals |Dunne

Title; Animals

Words; ~9000

Pairing; Pete Dunne/Reader, Trent Seven/Reader if you get drunk and squint

Summary; The cost of my dreams, also known as you, will be you.

Warnings; NSFW. HEATHENS VERSE SO AU AF. Smut, semi  public sex, latex free, werewolves, pack dynamics, VERY unhealthy relationships. Mentions of past child abuse and child exploitation. Not a happy ending. Shit editing because I’m sick.

A/N: This is going to be a smidgen dark, it is Heathens!verse after all. For those who aren’t familiar, links to Heathens are listed in the fic masterlist. Raini @amaranthine-reign is the light of my life and the wind underneath my wings and deserves all the lovely things in life for being my sounding board and ever so patient with me and my struggles.

Tag Forever Train:

@alexablss  @laochbaineann  @bettergetusetoit
@fuckyeahbulletclub  @covergirlcollarbones  @thedeboniardevistation @amaranthine-reign  @leelakoiwolff @crookedmoonsaultpunk
@princess3733 @britishscoundrel
@bbmbabe  @alexahood21  @mrsuniverse
@sorleino   @sweet-and-stormy
@imaginingwwesuperstars  @wrasslin-x @iloveenzoamore @crossfitjesusinskinnyjeans@tomsbookitten  @sarahmatthews7
@littledeadrottinghood   @wwelife0014
@alexispoo  @sjwriteswrestling-1
@wwesmutdonedirtcheap @50shadesofadamcolebaybay
@screamersdontdance  @wwe-smutfics
@alexahood21  @tmsixone   @daintymissdevitt
@mistressbalor @nickysmum1909  
@wwewritings   @mgswdw  @finnbaelorxx
@shadow-of-wonder @valeonmars
@neeadinghugs @squirrel666 @jenn0755  @actualamyautopsy @roserae527 @ladylillianrose  @panicattheambrose
@thebutterflygirl16   @catie-kaboom   @aye-its-shaianne  @breezy14fan @lindseyrae20  
@blondekel77  @skrillexslays13  @lisa-likes-wrasslin  @danikajessyfandoms  @charismatickilljoy
@sunflowers-and-swear-words  @atravelerinspirit
@beckyylynchs  @baeckyshorsewomen  @darkgalaxy14 @hushothermuses @superrezzy00  @blood-fells  @nerdy-cinnaqueen
@eleonora-dsb  @somewhere-in-ambrose-asylum
@little–alphabet–boy @chloebowiee   @shieldgirl95 

Originally posted by sitkowski

Keep reading

Sister wives, today we honor our dear sister @anniemar, who has transcended to another level and witnessed the glory of our Danish demi god.  May we always remember this momentous occasion and the dear woman this great gift was bestowed upon. A lady deserving of such a wondrous thing!!

Originally posted by whatabigpairofgifs

instagram

The whole Viking family.

Me, a Whumper, on Le Tumbleur…

*sees a fanfic post on my dashboard*

*scrolls down to the comments/tags*

“I can’t believe how sweet this is!”

#i love this

#the fluffiest fluff to ever fluff

*keeps scrolling*

*sees another fanfic on dash*

*scrolls to comments/tags*

“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HIM?”

#what gave you the right?

#you’re a terrible human being

Me, a Whumper: IT’S STORYTIME, BITCHES

Unwanted

 pairing:  More of a  mutual hate but  I guess Ivar x Reader

fandom: Vikings

warnings: Coarse language, prisoner, Penis?

Prompt from: No one, happy April fool’s my peeps

Again, this is crap, I thought I’d try to make something that I think is a bit humorous. I hope you enjoy it guys,

The prisoner was annoying you beyond belief. Why did Earl Olaf insist that you capture this cripple? Well, you knew why, he was Ivar Ragnarsson, your enemy and one of the leaders of the heathen army, he was worth a hefty ransom. But the real question was; why did you? Perhaps it was punishment for that time you accidentally lost his prized boar after a night of feasting and… well, excessive drinking, or that time you burnt down the armoury, it could also be that time one time you let a flock of geese ruin his son’s wedding, actually, now you thought about it was probably all of the countless ‘mishaps’ you had had. The Earl had wanted to kill you for so long but fortunately, since you were a young shieldmaiden, your weregild was too high for him to take lightly. You figured that he had put you at the forefront of this ordeal so that revenge would be exacted on you and that someone would do his dirty work for him. But despite knowing this you wanted desperately to prove him wrong. Prove everyone wrong.

It had been a stupid idea from the start, Earl Olaf was so certain that he would be able to reign the Ragnarsons under his control. He was a fool. And you were so desperate to prove yourself, to show that you were more than the town klutz. You had foolishly sworn an oath to do any task the Earl wanted. His task; to capture Ivar the Boneless and bring him back alive. The first part had been easy enough, Ivar liked to have time to himself to think, he would go into the forest alone. You had the element of surprise on your side, you managed to sneak up on his and knock him out with the butt of your axe. He never saw it coming. Then you’d tied his hands together behind his back and slung him across your horse. The second part, however,  was proving difficult. Getting back him back alive was no easy task. You had nearly pulled over the horse thrown him off a cliff more times then you had fingers.

It had started with him simply hurling insults at you. They bounced off easy enough until two hours into the ride, he found a chink in your armour.

“You’re a bumbling idiot, and by the looks of your face your mother was too, she obviously dropped you as a child!” You had flinched. Oh, how you regretted the small slip up. You turned around, he smirked and continued, “Maybe she was so clumsy she didn’t keep her legs crossed, and look here you are; the mistake, the klutz no one ever wanted!”  You had no idea how he had come to that conclusion, but it hurt because it was true.

You bristled and mounted a defence, “And who are you to talk about mistakes, Boneless!” He stilled somewhat shocked. You deduced that not many people ever spoke that way to him. His face turns an odd shade of red as his icy blue eyes narrow. If looks could kill, you’d be pushing up daisies.

After that, you had continued in silence… For about two minutes before he piped up again.

“At least I am wanted.”  In hindsight, it was foolish to anger him further but you wanted to win this strange contest of insults.

“Are you, really?” You asked. You hit another sore spot, you could tell by the silence and intense glare you felt on your back. You smirked. But It didn’t last long.

“Actual yes I am, I am a leader of a great army. You, however, are a lonely little girl playing at being brave, desperately trying to prove herself, you are pathetic.”  It felt like he had burnt you.

You hissed, “I am regaining my honour!”

“By sneaking up on a defenceless cripple, tying him to a horse and kidnaping him? Definitely honourable.” Damn him. You knew you were in the wrong, but what choice did you have?  This was the only way you would ever be taken seriously.“You know when my brothers come for me you’re going to die, but not before we find who put you put to this, I will enjoy every second of your screams,” he threatened. You knew it to be true but you saw an opportunity and you took it.

“And what makes you think your brothers will rescue you damsel in distress? Maybe they are happy to finally rid themselves of you.”  You won. He had nothing more to say. You both retreated into silence and your horse continued to plod along.

After hours of silence, the cripple’s obnoxious voice rang out.

“Stop the horse Mistake!” The captive snapped.

“I have a name!”

“I don’t care,” he spat.

“What do you want Boneless?”

“I need to go,” he stated.

“Pfft, nice try arsehole,  as much as I’d love some peace, I am afraid you’re not going anywhere.”

“What? No you dumb bitch, I need to piss!”

“Oh,” you muttered. You weren’t prepared for this, “Okay.” You pulled over the horse and headed to the tree line. You dismounted and hauled him off. You grunted heaving him over your shoulder. You strained under his weight.

“You need to lay off the turkey cripple,” you wheezed.

“You need to build up more muscle, Mistake,” he sneered. You scoffed and dumped him on a log and stood back.

“Right, do the deed and we’ll get back on the horse,” you stated waving at him. He grinned you frowned. Why was he smiling?

“And how am I supposed to ‘do the deed’ as you say, with my hands tied behind my back?

Your jaw dropped. Nope. Fuck this. Right now you didn’t care, no crime was worth the punishment you were receiving now. You liked horses, perhaps you should ditch him, start a horse farm in Spain, forget this stupid ‘quest’.

“What are you waiting for? Untie my hands or untie my breeches,” he suggested smugly.

“Right, you’re going back on the horse, this time I will gag you!” You move towards him.

“Fine, but I’ll just piss all over the saddle and it will just run down…”
“Fine!” You threw your hands up in the air, that arse hole was enjoying this. “Just give me a minute, to think here.”

“We don’t have a minute, just untie my hands and let me go before I burst woman!”

“Aha! So that’s your game!” The bastard wanted his hands free.

“What? No! I just need to piss!” He insisted.

You didn’t want to untie his hands but you didn’t really want him to wet himself. It seemed there was only one logical solution. You had to touch ‘it’. Your face reddened. He seemed to smirk triumphantly. This was the lowest you had stooped in your life, ever.  Was renown really worth this?

“What are you scared of?” He smirked, glancing down at his crotch. “Never seen a man’s prick before?” he was right you hadn’t, but you didn’t  want him to know that.

“I’m not scared,” you spat back.

“Are you afraid you’ll like what you’ll see?”
“Keep dreaming cripple.”  

“Well if you’re not afraid why are you hesitating?” He challenged. Spite is a powerful thing. You were now certain he was trying to psych you into untying his hands. Gritting your teeth you stalked forward. Fine let’s get this over with, you thought.  You practically tore open the laces on his pants and yanked him out. He gasped in shock. You smiled.

“Get on with it!” You snarled. His cheeks flushed and he opens and closed his mouth like a fish out of water. He looked down and back up at you.

“I….um… you… need to keep holding it to… um… aim…” He stuttered.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” You shouted at the sky.  You sighed and looked down at his manhood and reached for it.  You took it into your hand averted your eyes as you pointed. It away from him. “No amount of honour is worth this much shit,” you grumbled as you heard the soft trickle hit the ground.

“I believe you mean piss,” he snickered as he finished up. He seemed to be gaining back some of his irritating nature.

“Shut up,” you growled and tightened your grip on him slightly believing it would hurt him. Unfortunately, it did the opposite. He let a guttural moan.  You swear you felt his prick move within your hand. You let out a yelp and dropped it as if it were hot coals.

“What the fuck was that!” You exclaimed. You stared at his face to see his eyelids hooded the icy blue daggers you were used to.

“Why don’t you find out?” He grinned devilishly. You shuddered.

“Okay time to go,” you decided and moved to pick him up again.

“Aren’t you forgetting something, Mistake?” he inquired

“What now?” you groaned.

“If you take it out, you got to put it back,” he smirked.  Gritting your teeth again you looked down and your face reddened. It was standing at attention. You gulped. “Well, what are you waiting for? Get on with it,” he challenged.

Nope. That was it the final straw.  You’d had it. Fuck him. Fuck Earl Olaf. Fuck renown.   

“Goodbye Ivar, I hope your brothers find you before anyone else does,” you stated and turned to leave.

“What? No! Come back here you dumb bitch!” He panicked. You ignored him and mounted you horse.

“Nope. I’m going to leave this hell hole and going to Spain or something,” you informed.

“You’ll come back,” he seemed to try and reassure himself, “You’re just trying to scare me, well done, you had me there for a second.”

“I’m not coming back,” you deadpanned. His face fell he realised you were telling the truth. His face then morphed from fear into rage, “You can’t leave me tied up in the middle of the forest, pants down and prick out!”

“Watch me,” you spat back at him and spurred your horse on.

“When my brothers find me, we will come for you!” he threatened.  

“You can try!” You called back to him.

“I will find you, even the gods can’t save you!” He screamed behind you. You laughed and nudged your horse into a gallop. For the first time in your life, you felt truly free.


part two

Happy Lowman Playlist

Originally posted by rideimagines

  1. Heathens-21 Pilots 
  2. Sucker For Pain-Imagine Dragons
  3. Centuries-Fall Out Boy
  4. Awake And Alive-Skillet
  5. Jester-Sum 41
  6. Minority-Green Day
  7. Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked-Cage The Elephant
  8. Look At Me Now-Chris Brown
  9. You’re Gonna Go Far Kid-The Offspring
  10. Let Yourself Go-Green Day
  11. Fake It-Seether
  12. Throne-BMTH
  13. Remember The Name-Fort Minor
  14. Riot-Three Days Days
  15. Psycho-Puddle Of Mudd

anonymous asked:

concept: shao and dizzee having a Conversation like they do and the conversation turns towards family and its mostly dizzee talking and shaos like 'no family, cant relate' and dizzees like ':(.... shao, the get down brothers are your family' and shaos like 'diz........ thats gay......' but deep down hes really happy he met these heathen boys

im shao