the happy heathen

Me during my first Easter in Canada

Friend: Let’s make Easter eggs! :D

Me: Aw hell yisss! I’ve only made them once but it’s so much f-

Friend: *plunks down tray of boiled eggs*

Me: …The fuck is this.


Boiled eggs. 

North American Easter eggs are boiled eggs dipped in food colouring

It was very anti-climactic. 

Proud

Pairing: Ivar x Reader
Summary: Modern Au. Reader needs some self defense and meets Ivar the trainer.

Length: Long

Warnings: NSFW, Swearing, ex-boyfriend situation, explicit, slight choking, detailed smut
Tagging the moonbeam crew: @synnersaint @inthenameofodin @squirrelacorngliterfarts @captainpoopweinersoldier @underthenorthstar @mizzvengenz6661 @whenimaunicorn @lordavanti @ivartheboneme @pagan-raider @rockyrascal @arkrimwitchout @heathen-army @cherrytrinkets @littlewolfieposts @lumpyqueen97 @wastelandsheep @ubberagnarssons @shondlenoodle @sylvia-wolfe-postlimit-blog @bluearchersstuff @ryderwinchester @ceridwenofwales @fandomers @holy-minseok @ivarsvalkyrie @lyra-stark99 @blonde-valkryie @alienskind @lollyfuckindagger @anniemar @brightlycoloredteacups @agonybcrn @vile-villian666 @loveabove @itharley @mrsmargera @skywalkingdixon @forvalhallaandodin @stitchattacks @rls905 @kelsh13 @tiyetiye @lttlcuddles  @princess-sweatpants @redheadedtrollop @dani-si @bloodyivar @nothingbuthappydays @dangerousvikings @buckyslocalfarmer @lupy22 @siren-kitten-his @kitkat1690 @ivartheheathen @burningsunshin3 @colexxcole @kathieycarrerarosshley @rachiieee @obsessive-submisive @bitchccraft @sconniebelle @skadithegoddess @bloodyivar @dangerousvikings


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@white supremacists ESPECIALLY THE HEATHENS

Please don’t wear runes, just don’t, ok? I was wearing my Algiz necklace and literally had to take it off at work because it’s associated with nazis?? I didn’t even know this was a thing? I’ve just been having a lot of shitty things happen so I decided to wear it to PROTECT ME FROM JUDGEMENTAL ASSHOLES BUT APPARENTLY YOU’RE ALREADY USING IT. I’m ready to fight you. If you want to wear a fucking rune and be all witchy and racist just wear a fucking swastika that way we all know. D<

Shakin’.

Modern!Ivar x Reader.

this is a late happy birthday to the one and only @rachiieee​ who has become a very good friend of mine during the short time i have been on here. she is a wonderful, talented and beautiful person and only deserves the best in this world and the one after. i hope that i can help give you the first one, and maybe the best if we’re allowed!! i love you, boo, and i’m sorry this was late!!

warnings: smut, oral(giving), daddy!kink, praise, vaginal fingering, light spanking and mentions of harsh spanking, cream pies, unprotected sex(wrap it before you tap it, kids!) and that should be it for now..


Originally posted by inthenameofodin


Your knee bounced, jerking closer to your center as blunt fingers dug deep into your flesh, dragging over uneven terrain, feeling every single mark like zebra stripes painting your thighs. Long ago, you could remember how it would bother you – feeling his mouth, tongue and teeth trail over them, but a part of him admired them so much and you would never figure out why. Ivar always spent a good amount of time on those areas, murmuring in old Norse with his face pressed to your lush legs, and while you never understood the words rolling from his sharp tongue, they would always cause you to squirm and your body to flush. Even when he would mean them innocently, allowing his English to slip up once-in-a-while, you still found it affected you.

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Haunted

Pairing: Ivar X Reader
Summary: Modern Au. A little Halloween fun leads to something spooky.
Length: Long
Warnings: NSFW, swearing, supernatural elements, restraint, dirty talking, detailed smut, rough sex, explicit

Tagging the moonbeam crew: @synnersaint @inthenameofodin @squirrelacorngliterfarts @captainpoopweinersoldier @underthenorthstar @mizzvengenz6661 @whenimaunicorn @lordavanti @ivartheboneme @pagan-raider @rockyrascal @arkrimwitchout @heathen-army @cherrytrinkets  @lumpyqueen97 @wastelandsheep @ubberagnarssons @shondlenoodle @sylvia-wolfe-postlimit-blog @bluearchersstuff @ivars-pet @ceridwenofwales @fandomerss @holy-minseok @ivarsvalkyrie @lyra-stark99 @blonde-valkryie @alienskind @lollyfuckindagger @anniemar @brightlycoloredteacups  @agonybcrn @vile-villian666 @loveabove @itharley @mrsmargera @skywalkingdixon @forvalhallaandodin @stitchattacks @rls905 @kelsh13 @tiyetiye @lttlcuddles  @princess-sweatpants @redheadedtrollop @dani-si @bloodyivar @nothingbuthappydays @dangerousvikings @buckyslocalfarmer @lupy22 @siren-kitten-his @kitkat1690 @ivartheheathen @burningsunshin3 @colexxcole @kathieycarrerarosshley @rachiieee @obsessive-submisive @bitchccraft @skadithegoddess @kirah34  @bloodyivar @moonlover19 @shieldmaidenarmy @readsalot73 @radi0active-thoughts @sconniebelle @rekdreams247


What the hell is the matter with you?! I thought as I climbed the stairs, half a cup of Jack O'lantern punch (which was just vodka mixed with some orange soda), sloshing around in my hand. I shook my head at myself as I made my way up to the bathroom to perform this stupid parlor trick.

I wasn’t one to fool around with the unnatural, gave me the creeps. I’ve heard those horror stories! Screw around with a Ouija board, summon some devil or otherworldly pest and now you’re haunted. But as I opened the door and clicked on the light in my best friends bathroom, I smiled to myself. It was the week before Halloween, everything spooky and dark was on our minds.

Hence the decorations, the green and orange fairy lights strung up all over the house. The glitter skeletons hanging over doors, cobwebs tacked over the windows. And to why I was now alone in this bathroom, squinting with slightly blurred vision with a dare at the ready.

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I’ll Be Seeing You

Originally posted by dangerousvikings

Warnings: dubcon, knifeplay, choking, stalking, sexual acts being performed on an unconscious person, creepiness, restraints, stalker!ivar predator!ivar AND serialkiller!ivar (jesus, the triple whammy, what have I done??), Ivar is a psychopath


Words: 5,001 (come on, really? I couldn’t have had a little mercy on everyone and just made this shit a little shorter??) 


Tagging: (just some sisters who MAY be interested but if you are tagged please don’t feel forced to read this schlock, read it only if you have time and if you want to, of course!) @mizzvengenz6661 @dangerousvikings @synnersaint @burningsunshin3 @ivarsvalkyrie @inthenameofodin @whenimaunicorn 


(Here is my contribution to the Friday Night Prompt, and it is now Monday, shit. But anyway, this is only my second smutty sort of fucked up story on here so please understand if it’s not in any way, good. Enjoy!) 



Your husband had warned you beforehand: “Ivar is… different.” The statement had struck you as rather odd. What exactly did he mean? Despite the many, fleeting questions now running away with your mind, you had said nothing and simply nodded in response.


He had been your husband’s old, college roommate from a few years back and he never mentioned him, until now. Ivar had called him up out of the blue to request that they all go out for dinner to reminisce about old times. Your husband however, had seemed strangely put off by the invitation; seemingly creeped out by his own fleeting questions of how exactly Ivar had found out his number and why exactly he had called him up in the first place. It in turn had put you off now as well. “Ivar is different” what exactly did that mean?


Upon arriving at the rather posh restaurant and being escorted to your table you found that this Ivar, was already comfortably seated there. He looked up at you both as you approached him. Your husband feigned fondness and enthusiasm while greeting his old roommate. He was quite handsome and well-built. His long, dark hair was secured up in a bun. His face was more than pleasant to look upon, despite the striking blue eyes that had something strangely sinister, cold and predatory lingering in them. As they moved to meet your own eyes you immediately felt a chill run down your spine. You began to feel very uneasy. His eyes held yours just a little too long then and you quickly averted them to the ground. “It’s nice to meet you, Ivar. I’ve heard so much about you.” You lied and he seemed to almost scoff at the statement for some reason. You glanced back up at him. You had an odd, paranoid feeling that those calculating and somewhat disturbing eyes could somehow read the contents of your mind so easily, just like a book.


Your husband coughed awkwardly then as he pulled out your chair and gestured for you to sit after the much too long, uncomfortable silence. As you smiled weakly at him and took your seat you could still feel those eyes on you. They continued to openly read you. They continued to send chills down your spine; forcing you to feel some sudden sense of dread deep within you.

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Mercy

Pairing: Ivar x Reader
Summary: Modern Au. This line of work has never been so stressful for Reader. When she gets mixed up with Ivar on a mission, things get a little…interesting.

Length: Settle in love, it’s a long one!
Warnings: NSFW, swearing, action sequences, death mentions, blood mention, murder, angst, dirty talking, explicit, detailed smut

Tagging the moonbeam crew: @synnersaint @inthenameofodin @squirrelacorngliterfarts @captainpoopweinersoldier @underthenorthstar @mizzvengenz6661 @whenimaunicorn @lordavanti @ivartheboneme @pagan-raider @rockyrascal @arkrimwitchout @heathen-army @cherrytrinkets @lumpyqueen97 @wastelandsheep @ubberagnarssons @shondlenoodle @sylvia-wolfe-postlimit-blog @bluearchersstuff @ryderwinchester @ceridwenofwales @fandomers @holy-minseok @ivarsvalkyrie @lyra-stark99 @blonde-valkryie @alienskind @lollyfuckindagger @anniemar @brightlycoloredteacups  @agonybcrn @vile-villian666 @loveabove @itharley @mrsmargera @skywalkingdixon @forvalhallaandodin @stitchattacks @rls905 @kelsh13 @tiyetiye @lttlcuddles @princess-sweatpants @redheadedtrollop @dani-si @bloodyivar @nothingbuthappydays @dangerousvikings @buckyslocalfarmer @lupy22 @siren-kitten-his @kitkat1690 @ivartheheathen @burningsunshin3 @colexxcole @kathieycarrerarosshley @rachiieee @obsessive-submisive @bitchccraft @kirah34 @dangerousvikings @moonlover19 @skadithegoddess


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10

Just a little mix bag or screenshot edits from le vault. Happy Fornication Friday my little lambs! @synnersaint@ivars-heathen@ivars-pet@imaginesparadise@rachiieee@nothingbuthappydays@ceridwenofwales@dangerousvikings@lordavanti@brightlycoloredteacups@belle-scarre@burningsunshin3@redheadedtrollop@siren-kitten-his@charliexowrite@persephone-is-here-omg@sebastian-stans-thighs@itsteenwolfislifefan@tiyetiye@badbitsh13

Originally posted by fallingdarkness11-blog

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In my Redbubble, ~galaxystuff!~ 

Any space art, the Loki helmet/Urnes snake pattern, and the ‘Lokean’ runes are available as duvet covers! Most designs come as phone covers or bags too. More stuff will be added as I make them each week!

I also offer commissions. If you get a commission from me, you could request for it to be made especially for a product in the Redbubble (so you can have me design you a bag, a blanket, a shirt etc; my commissions are not limited to fanart!) ~

Lauren zuke: I took a bath

Assholes in the SU fandom: why didn’t you drown you stupid bitch

instagram

The whole Viking family.

Me, a Whumper, on Le Tumbleur…

*sees a fanfic post on my dashboard*

*scrolls down to the comments/tags*

“I can’t believe how sweet this is!”

#i love this

#the fluffiest fluff to ever fluff

*keeps scrolling*

*sees another fanfic on dash*

*scrolls to comments/tags*

“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HIM?”

#what gave you the right?

#you’re a terrible human being

Me, a Whumper: IT’S STORYTIME, BITCHES

Sister wives, today we honor our dear sister @anniemar, who has transcended to another level and witnessed the glory of our Danish demi god.  May we always remember this momentous occasion and the dear woman this great gift was bestowed upon. A lady deserving of such a wondrous thing!!

Originally posted by whatabigpairofgifs