the gritty blog

new genre concept: soft apocalypse

the world as we know it has ended and mother nature starts taking back what’s hers. there are no zombies or cannibals or murderous bandits. the most valued members of the community are those who know how to garden and farm, sew and weave, treat wounds, work wood or build with bricks, cook from scratch. 

people bond together to begin rebuilding instead of killing each other. everyone teaches each other whatever they do know and works together to figure out the stuff none of them know. books become incredibly valued resources because they’re often the only way to learn critical information. if someone is elderly, disabled, or otherwise unable to work at the same level as most of the community, they’re taken care of by the others, not told any sort of “survival of the fittest” bs.

as the generations ware on, communities begin expanding into small cities. some of the settlements even find ways to repurpose solar or wind power on a small scale and have electricity in some of their buildings. storytellers wander the countryside telling tales of the old world in return for some hot stew or a place to rest for the night, and the mythos of the new world start to incorporate elements of the past. the only thing that remains constant is that humans survive, and they do it by working together.

The Bananas, Witty Nitty-gritty

Ingredients

  • 1 pound of bananas (for flavor and folly)
  • 1 ounce of wit (even though it and some of the other ingredients are abstract things that cannot be measured)
  • 1 original piece (or more if desired)
  • 1 block of cleverly written text (if and when needed)
  • 1 cup of love (providing you have any to spare)
  • ½ cup of simplicity (It’s really sugar, but let’s just pretend it’s simplicity)
  • ½ cup of complexity (It’s really flour, but let’s just–well, you get the idea)
  • Everything and everything else in the kitchen (including the kitchen sink, of course)

Directions

  1. Combine the bananas and wit (The wit may be a little bit, but it’s just enough for the wisdom to balance out the foolishness).
  2. Pour the simplicity into the mixture, and when no one is looking, deceptively add the complexity (Make sure the opposite qualities are equal so that one does not overpower the other).
  3. Liberally ladle the luscious love all over your labor. Hold and hoard the love; save it for when you’re working on commission. Why waste it on something you’re not getting paid to make?
  4. Add a pinch of crack to the piece to make it extra addictive. What?! NO! I don’t need crack for that! Come to think of it, how’d I even get hold of this stuff? Sh*t! I gotta get rid of it!
  5. Upload the piece and paste the block as a caption. Throw everything and everything else into the post and stir yourself thoroughly before publishing.
  6. Insert up to 20–19 if it’s a submission–systematized tags into the post, and make sure that they are relevant to it.
  7. Grab some pickles and a pound of cheese; get some burgers and mayoneese. Eat ‘em all up and don’t forget to chew, and you’re finished! So toodleeoo (Hey)!