the grey poem

I think a piece of me falls in love with anyone that I grow close to.
Suddenly all I want is to be with them. all of the time.
And then when I see them with someone else, it hurts. 
It hurts as if my heart was being ripped from my body.
Because it means that they are no longer mine.
But the truth is-
They were never mine in the first place.
Random Trinket Table

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Man, I want something useless but mildly interesting that isn’t from the trinket table in the player’s handbook!” Well, you’re in luck. Because I love random, useless trinkets and I’ve created a list for all to use. Even though there are plenty of other random trinket tables out there, you can never really have too many. Am I right or…? Anyways. Table below the cut!

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February 10, 2017

Which path leads back to you? I think life is strange. We know each other. It has only been for a few months, but I know who you are. Some day I won’t be the same. The same thing goes for you. Isn’t it a little scary? The person that I am today… I won’t laugh the same after hearing the joke for a second time. My thoughts will be altered. New feelings will smother old feelings. What if my passion for writing burns out? I’ve been doing some thinking about what is in my heart. When was the last time I picked myself? When did I lose my way? The choices I have made… my regrets and mistakes… when will I forgive myself? I can drop it all and say fuck it. I can smile and laugh it off, but am I being honest to myself for myself? Maybe the life quotes are right… everything happens for a reason. There you go again. Lost. Which path will lead you back to me? The things you felt last week, the kiss you blew to me, your voice over the phone, your heart and my heart clings to one another– we may change one day, but today we’re still us. Do you ever think about where your next passion will come from? I heard that from within ourselves we’ll find a perfect balance between selfish and selfless. How can I say that I love you if I can’t even say it to myself? How can I expect you to respect me if I don’t even respect me? It’s all internal. There’s a grey cloud in every poem. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I just want to better– a better me to come home to.

There are two paths you may take once you realize that life contains no intrinsic meaning or purpose. When you realize that we live in a dark, cruel, uncaring universe. You can either fall to despair and depression and give up on everything. Or, you can just give flip the world the bird and decide to be kind, to be loving, and to decide that if nothing really matters than you may as well enjoy your time here. But that’s the beauty of it all, in the end it doesn’t matter which you pick.
—  James Grey
he doesn’t understand just how much i love him.
he doesn’t understand how when he looks at me with those piercing blue eyes
my heart stops, and then starts to race uncontrollably
he doesn’t understand that when he says my name with the voice of an angel
that i get butterflies in my stomach and suddenly i can’t breathe
he doesn’t understand how just having him near me
not even touching me, or talking to me
i feel a sense of safety and security. of serenity
he doesn’t understand that seeing his nickname pop up in my notifications
is one thing that never fails to make me smile
he doesn’t understand the warmth that i feel inside when he holds me close
he doesn’t understand that i would do anything for him
he doesn’t understand that all i want is to make him smile
—  he just doesn’t understand what i mean when i say that i love him

It’s one of those days
when I just feel empty
Nothing brings me joy and everything is pointless.


Everything is grey
The constant feeling of anxiety and emptiness is overwhelming me to the point when I no longer know that I can feel any different than this.

The numbness becomes comfortable and I’m aware of it.
But there’s nothing I can do about it.

—  One of those days - Me /11/July/2017/