This wasn’t supposed to happen. You weren’t ready.You knew this was a bad idea.
When you’d moved to town and finally discovered Bella’s not so well kept secret you’d thought she was crazy. Who would willingly date someone who wanted to literally drink you life force? Turned out, you would.
Jasper Whitlock wasn’t something that was supposed to happen. He didn’t figure into your grand plan as it were. It was a rather simple plan really; move in with Bella and Uncle Charlie, survive high school, go to college, get a job, eventually find a guy (preferably human) and settle down. Jasper Whitlock was not something that was meant to happen and yet, when he strolled into your life all southern charm, effortless grace and golden eyes… you were powerless to stop the changes, he was like a force of nature.
It wasn’t as clear cut as Bella’s love life, nor as fast. Jasper had definitely had more issues not draining you than Edward had had with Bella. You’d had more issues with the vampire thing than Bella too. It wasn’t that you wanted to grow old exactly but more… you’d imagined your life, wedding, children and with Jasper that just wasn’t possible.
Slowly but surely and despite both of you trying everything in your power to stop it, you’d somehow fallen in love. Stumbled may have been more like it, it certainly wasn’t something you’d strode into eyes wide open the way Bella had. Yet as your feelings changed, so did your dreams. You had wanted children, that was still the case truly but now… you wanted them with Jasper, any other guy simply wouldn’t do. Somewhat begrudgingly you’d accepted that if you loved Jasper, every part of Jasper, which you did, and you wanted to be with him for eternity, which you did, then you’d have to be a vampire eventually. Unlike Edward, Jasper wasn’t nearly so self-sacrificing he was much more realistic and he respected you as an equal, so once you’d made that decision it was case closed as far as the two of you were concerned.
Unlike Bella, you had decided to wait a bit. Jasper had been changed at 20 after all so you could afford to get a little older and truthfully you wanted to. You’d had an older brother before the accident, you knew how much people changed from eighteen to twenty. You wanted to at least get there, almost a level playing field for starting points if you ignored the fact that the beginning of your vampire lives would be markedly different and that Jasper had grown up in a time which demanded much more maturity from young people.
So it was perfectly safe to say, (considering the circumstances), that this wasn’t supposed to happen.
Bella had some crazy scheme about being with Edward on battle day which was fine considering Victoria and the newborns were meant to go to the field. Except they hadn’t, not all of them. When Victoria arrived with Riley, (the missing kid Charlie had been searching for), and a newborn in tow you knew things wouldn’t end well. Still, you hadn’t expected to be newborn chow. With Seth and Edward so focused on Bella knowing Victoria’s endgame perhaps you should have expected it, Jasper would have.
However, what Jasper would or wouldn’t have expected was all moot point once Seth and Edward took the newborn out, yet the problem remained he had injured you… badly. As Edward rushed you down the hill, Bella following with Seth, the details of how a little fuzzy as your vision began to fade, you realised you were going to die from bleeding out. You didn’t even need Carlisle to tell you that.
When Jasper jumped towards you as you reached the clearing it was only natural for the others to push him back given his self-control record and yet, you weren’t scared. His eyes, the one thing you could properly focus on, weren’t hungry. They weren’t black. They were shining, golden and distraught.
“MOVE!” Jasper’s voice boomed so clearly over everyone that they did as he asked without question.
He was hovering over you within seconds.
“You wanted to wait.” He whispered, his thick southern drawl obvious in his distressed tone. “Darlin’.”
“Do it Jasper.” You’re wide (e/c) eyes met his. “I’m dying. Do it.”
That was all it took. His teeth slid into your neck. He didn’t give a thought of what that would do to the treaty, he didn’t give a thought about his family and he didn’t even consider not stopping. He could do it and he would. He would do anything for you.
You felt his teeth leave your skin as if you were in a sort of hazy dreamland, somehow you felt disconnected.
One of my best guy friends asked to take me out on a “friend date” to just hang out & swap stories, pig out on tacos, & belt songs from musicals in the car. Even though it was just a friendly thing, I decided to get a little dressed up for the fun of it. I heard his car pull up, he knocked, & I opened the door. I expected him to just say hey & give me a quick hug, but instead, he stood there staring at me. But not like I’m used to from other guys. He wasn’t looking me up & down like a prize to be claimed. His eyes were locked on my face, & his expression reminded me of the way you get when you really stop to appreciate the sunset because everything has turned to a hazy pink and the clouds are parted enough that the last rays of sunlight are streaming through. After a few moments, he said, “Wow… You’re just so… Pretty. Wow. Beautiful.” I haven’t stopped smiling since.
I’m a firm believer that the condition of loneliness has very little to do with a relationship status, but everything to do with God calling us to be alone with Him. So, if you’re feeling lonely, look at what you’re filling yourself up with, because loneliness doesn’t exist in a place where God’s love dwells.
I go to the same Japanese restaurant every year for my birthday, but I HATE being sung to, so I made my family promise not to say anything. I thought that I had made it all the way through the meal without being found out when I heard the sound of drums & singing. Just as I was about to yell at my family for ratting me out, the guy who cooked for us turned around, winked at me, & said, “You thought I would forget your birthday?” As embarrassed as I was while being sung to, it was quite the sweet surprise. (:
If I can find the beauty in stormy days, why do I convince myself that God doesn’t see the beauty in my brokenness? I love the way that He created nature to remind us of His character: He takes the storms of life & uses them to grow us into the most beautiful masterpiece imaginable - the image of His Son.