So we were talking about how one of the partners was going to retire, and how the partner I was on audit with today was going to take over as partner on one of our other audits, and I said, “Wow, but you’ve been lead on that audit for years, who else in the office really knows it enough to take over?”
And she replied, “Well, I was thinking you, probably.”
And it threw me for a moment, because I still think of myself as being “new,” but I’ve been working on that audit since I started (so four years now), and I’ve worked on all the parts in some aspect over the years, so I am the person in the office who knows it and auditing enough that I could take over.
And that’s kind of a weird feeling. Because on the one hand, I know I could manage it, even though it’s a bigger one, but on the other hand, everything I do still makes me feel like I’m just faking actually knowing what I’m doing and the more responsibility I get, the more likely it is they’ll realize I’m a big fake.
But on the other other hand, that is probably a big part of why I *do* do a good job, because I am so worried about getting it wrong that I… don’t get it wrong?
i keep trying to memorize every detail of the moments i live in. in the soreness of my legs from standing so long at a concert, the chill of the night, the patterns of a tablecloth, the oily texture in my mouth after eating fried bananas. i keep trying to memorize the feelings, the quiet contentedness, the laughter, the excitement. i keep trying to memorize the people, their smiles, the way they speak, what makes them laugh. i’m constantly on the cusp of the next part of my life and that’s just so.. strange. but it makes it so much easier to find happiness no matter what’s happening to me, in a way? because i’m already kind of looking at life with those rose-colored glasses of nostalgia, simply because i know these are times i’ll never be able to live again, and these are people i might not always have, and that makes it so much easier to appreciate everything i might miss later.
*moon water in old water bottles*
*empty sauce jars for things*
“I found this rock outside but it’s a valid crystal”
*adds table salt to my bath* “Magic”
*makes my bath purple* “wow. witchcraft”