the good old day

I was tagged by the ever so lovely @captain-of-science <3

Ten random things about me:

  1. back when myspace was huge I used to roleplay there for the longest time! I used to write Kikyo, Orihime, and a ton of OC’s that I created along the way. I used to make edits and create background stories for all of them. The good old days~
  2. I’m the worst mom friend you will ever find, I take the role very seriously lmao
  3. I’m the oldest of five. Four of us are born to my mother and my dad had a son out of wed lock. I pretty much raised all my siblings (that’s why I’m a huge mom), three years ago my better half (my baby brother, who suffered from down syndrome) passed away, and I’ve never really been the same.
  4. I tend to try and surround myself with a lot of people online to fill the emptiness I feel in my day to day life. But outside of the internet I hardly see my friends that knew me before the passing of my brother. 
  5. I’ve never really been passionate about anything in life, I kinda just…go with the flow. Which has gotten me…nowhere lmao
  6. I haven’t seen my natural hair color since I was fifteen…oops
  7. I have a really bad habit of biting my nails, which is why I get my nails done all the time.
  8. I hate feet….they’re just…weird!
  9. I’ve always been into anime, but I didn’t really get super invested till about 2008.
  10. I’m absolutely and completely in love with all my friends here <3 

tagging: @ohatsushis, @matsuorka, @zcya, @renkakirai, @story-kat, @tetsumine, @hissorihaka, @keithvkogane, @pushpullds, @shinylostcause

What a day!

I’m already planning my nap tomorrow! I can’t wait til all the people go to school and work in the morning!!

I gave Samantha her first haircut today!! She looks so funny with bangs. It’s cute though.

Erika (the 16-year-old) and I were laughing and talking for over an hour tonight when she got home from work. It felt like the good old days.

Did anybody watch 20/20 on Friday night? I DVRd it and watched it this morning when Samantha decided to wake up for the day at 6 am. Something about it feels off to me. I can’t really put my finger on it, but it kinda made the hair on my arms stand on end. It just didn’t make a lot of sense to me.

Also, last night when I tried to go to bed early, the baby colored circles (with a red marker) all over 3 walls. I discovered the damage this morning when Lillianna told me how good Samantha is getting at drawing circles. Ugh. The walls were painted less than a year ago. So Lillianna got the magic erase pad out and scrubbed them all clean. I love that she’s my little cleaning machine!

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.