Fair-haired, tall, and handsome, the Lannisters are the blood of Andal adventurers who carved out a mighty kingdom in the western hills and valleys. Through the female line they boast of descent from Lann the Clever, the legendary trickster of the Age of Heroes. The gold of Casterly Rock and the Golden Tooth has made them the wealthiest of the Great Houses. Their sigil is a golden lion upon a crimson field. The Lannister words are Hear Me Roar!
I was taking the short route to my destination when an old man leered at me from a dark alley. Ugh, how cliched. “What’s in that purse of yours, gorgeous?”
Ignoring him, I kept walking, my head held high. “Hey, I’m talkin’ to you!”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a short but intimidating man with tattoos on every inch of his body walking towards us, and mentally sighed.
“Why you little-”
“She ain’t biting the bait, pal. Back off.”
I was about to turn to him, and tell him off, but oldie beat me to it. “What’s it to you, anyways? Punk.”
That seemed to hit a nerve with him, as he lunged forward and socked the man in the alley. I screeched and stepped forward to stop him, but they were really going at it- punches being thrown everywhere, and I could have sworn I saw a golden tooth landing on the grimy pavement.
Having given him a black eye the size of a small orange, Tattoos backed off, and turned to me with a satisfied expression. “Want me to walk you home, miss?”
“No, I don’t. Just like I didn’t need your help with that guy.”
Eyeing me up and down, he nodded to himself. “That’s it, miss, we’re walking together. Dressed like that, you could get… This ain’t Metropolis, lady.”
“You imbecile, this skirt is short on purpose.”
“I’m an actress, and that’s my co-star you just beat the shit out of. We were shooting, for Christ’s sake.”
He turned beet red, and started to stammer an apology, but I beat him to it, already bored. “Beat it, Baddie. We’ll patch him up, no worries.”
“Hey, (Name)!” My director shouted, “Ask the nice man if we can use that footage. It’s so realistic.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose in irritation. “Directors and their reel, I swear,” I muttered. “You don’t have to agree if you’re not comfortable, Mister…”
He seemed to be contemplating something, then he stretched his hand forward. “Chato. Pleasure to meet you.”
I laughed, “This has the been the most terrible first meeting ever, don’t give me that ‘Pleasure’ bullshit.”
A small grin formed on his lips. “It’s been a while since I did something like this.”
“Maybe we can redo that whole first meeting jazz. Go somewhere nice.”
“Hey, Rico Suave, let’s take it real easy, okay?” He just stood their quietly, trying to look like he didn’t care, like he wasn’t embarrassed and a little bit upset by my rejection.
My director, having seen an opportunity for profit, stepped in, “A 30-minute coffee break wouldn’t hurt, would it, (Name)?”
I shot a faint grin Chato’s way, and he shoved his hands in his pockets, trying resolutely not to blush.
Above him, all the windows had gone black, and he could see the faint light of distant stars. The sun had set for good and all. The stench of death was growing stronger, despite the scented candles. The smell reminded Jaime Lannister of the pass below the Golden Tooth, where he had won a glorious victory in the first days of the war. On the morning after the battle, the crows had feasted on victors and vanquished alike, as once they had feasted on Rhaegar Targaryen after the Trident. How much can a crown be worth, when a crow can dine upon a king?
Dance of the Dragons Rewrite Project - Lord Lefford and the Westerlands Theater
Wrote something on this to flesh out Lord Lefford and the early Westerlands theater. This is an expansion of the short thing I had on the Battle of Cannibal Pass earlier. Let me know what you think.
Lord Jason Lannister had assembled his mighty host at Casterly Rock, and - having remarked that “the gold dragon has no truer friend than his brother lion” - marched along the River Road to attack the rebellious Riverlords. The Riverlands was notoriously divided even after Daemon Targaryen marched against the Brackens at the Burning Mill, and Jason believed that the surest path to success would be to break the Riverlanders early, eroding Rhaenyra’s support on the continent. While many in the Lannister host were wary of engaging the Rogue Prince upon his fearsome Blood Wyrm, Daemon soon turned his attention back to the east. The Riverlords thereafter began to expect an attack and consolidated their forces in lines, the closest being near the Golden Tooth, where the Westerlander advantage in manpower would have a lessened effect. The Lannister advance was slowed by the intense heat, rumored to be as hot as any on record despite the approach of autumn, which ignited brush fires throughout the wooded Riverlands. Yet for the Westerlander troops, their morale was reported to be at an all-time high, as they outnumbered their prospective foes at least two-to-one. When battle was joined, the chivalry of the West charged the Riverlander infantry, splitting their lines in twain and scattering them “as waves on the surf” wrote Robert Kayce, who had previously been Lord Jason’s squire, but whose abysmal prowess with the sword relegated him to the role of Lord Jason’s chronicler and whose tales form our most complete account of this theater.
Yet while the Riverlander lines did break, Lord Jason elected to keep pursuit, urged on to strike at the nobles in the rear. During this pursuit, a common-born man named Pate of Longleaf took a fallen spear from one of Lord Piper’s routed retinue and drove the point through Lord Jason’s gorget with such force that Pate snapped the haft of his weapon in two places. Pate was already famous among the Longleaf populace for his great strength - it was said that he could straighten a horseshoe with his bare hands - and had come to the attention of his local lord, who offered him the position of squire to his younger brother. Unkind rumors suggested that Pate’s churlish speech and feats of strength were a source of rude entertainment among the riverlords, and that they had earned him the position of squire, and Mushroom spoke that the real reason for his appointment was that he “put horses to shame, and pleasured Lady and Lord Smallwood both.” Yet now, Pate was exalted for slaying Lord Jason, and shortly after the battle, he was knighted with the castle-forged blade he had taken from Lord Jason’s body. The survivors of the Golden Tooth were in great adoration of Pate’s feat, and they heeded his command to withdraw east to the land of Lords Chambers and Piper, who would provide support
With the death of Lord Jason Lannister, the command of the Westerlander contingent fell into question. There was no Lannister to lead them: Jason’s sons - the new Lord Lancel and his younger brother Leo - were boys of nine and seven, and his only brother Ser Tyland was still serving in King’s Landing. Of the knights in the Westerlander host, Ser Adrian Tarbeck was a close friend of Lord Jason, and in times when Westerlander levies were called upon, Lord Jason oft selected Ser Adrian to command his center. The two had, according to Ser Adrian, declared themselves sworn brothers as a testament to their firm friendship, and Jason had even spoken of wedding his sister to Ser Adrian. This claim could not be verified by any contemporary observer (and Lady Jacquetta was eventually wed to Lord Prester), but the friendship between Lord Jason and Ser Adrian has been well-documented among multiple chroniclers and maesters. Ser Adrian asserted that he should take command “until such time as His Grace names a new Warden”.
Lord Lyman Lefford, however, fiercely contested this declaration. The Lord of Golden Tooth had been young during the long reign of the Old King, and had taken command after his father had died in a most embarrassing fashion.
To hear the singers, the corpulent Lord Gerwin had his lordly seat crack from his weight, and his head struck his table, breaking his neck instantly. However, according to the records of House Lefford compiled by Maester Myles, Lord Gerwin was determined to have died of overexertion of the heart, and had fallen over dead at his table at his second dinner. Regardless, the jeers spurred by this humiliation was said to have inspired Lord Lyman, in his youth, to acts of reckless bravado in an attempt to prove the strength of House Lefford.
When King Jaehaerys had expanded the River Road from Riverrun to Casterly Rock, merchant caravans and tax wagons often found themselves preyed upon by mountain bandits, who used the cave systems and high ridges adjoining the road to ambush their targets. Lord Lyman immediately pronounced that he would “roust these rats from their warrens” and launched a punitive expedition against them. His retinue in their fine castle-forged steel were tremendously successful, but in his final push he overextended himself and took a wound just below the groin in his left thigh, which troubled him to the end of his days. Lord Lyman walked slowly, but was still able to ride though it vexed him greatly. Afterwards, Lord Lefford was known to be a cautious commander who desired to use his cavalry upon the flanks to prevent overextension.
Lord Lyman argued that he was the oldest lord present, and that Ser Adrian was unfit for senior command. Ser Adrian was also a mere knight, only a cousin to old Lord Tarbeck, not blessed to order lords into battle without a direct appointment from Ser Tyland or the recently-widowed Lady Johanna, regent for her son. While Ser Adrian defended himself admirably, the one barb that he could not refute was that it had been he who helped urge Lord Jason on his charge, and that shame was his to bear. Cowed, the assembled lords and knights shouted ayes for Lord Lyman. Both men, it is said, were courteous to each other after, with Ser Adrian being offered command of the van in consolation.
In truth, the wily Lord Lefford was perhaps the best choice for the theater. Lord Blackwood’s levies had hoped to march quickly to reinforce the men at the Golden Tooth. In their haste, they had neglected to use their outriders fully, and old Lord Lefford was quick to take advantage. On the River Road, where the foothills of the Golden Tooth and the woods of the western Riverlands mix to make the road troublesome, the Westerlanders descended upon the Blackwood army that had recently been victorious at Stone Hedge and slew seven in ten men. The singers now refer to that battlefield as Cannibal Pass, for the ravens that were said to feast upon Blackwood noble and peasant alike, including proud Lord Lucas, whose lordship passed to his young son and heir, Benjicot.
House Lefford, Lords of the Golden Tooth, sworn to Lannister
House Lefford is one of the chief noble houses from the westerlands, and a staunch supporter of House Lannister. Their seat is at the Golden Tooth which controls the main entrance to the westerlands from the east. House Lefford blazons its arms with a golden inverted pile on sky blue, a sun left in the sky.
House Lefford was formed by the union of an Andal warlord with a noblewoman of the First Men. The Leffords presumably received the Golden Tooth when Cerion Lannister, the King of the Rock, conquered the area. The Golden Tooth guards the one large pass through the mountains that allows direct travel between the westerlands and the riverlands to the east, so the Lannister army was taken unawares when Robb Starks direwolf Greywind finds a secret pathway through the mountains and is able to attack the Westerlands. Robb descended upon Stafford Lannister’s host, annihilating them at Oxcross, three days ride from Lannisport.
Hi, it’s 2 am where I am but I needed to write this
You know how there are all these AUs of Undertale, and many of the Sans’s in those AUs have really depressing backstories and stuff?
Well, I just imagine all of the different versions of Sans getting together to determine who is the ultimate “edgelord.” And they’re all arguing about why it should be them.
Underfell Sans: dude why is this even a thing, everyone knows it’s me. i come from a dimension where everyone is angry and hostile, i’ve got a golden tooth, even the fur on my coat looks like it could kill something
Reapertale Sans: yeah, well, i am the grim reaper and i can make things die just by touching them, so…
Gaster Sans: hey, you know that super mysterious character that nobody knows anything about? imagine if he was combined with a really cool guy who likes puns. yup. yup. yuuuuup
Aftertale Sans: i technically shouldn’t exist right now. i am suspended in a state between life and death and i feel constant pain
Error Sans: i am like the Sans version of Bill Cipher and you͜'r̨e̶ aĺl ͠about to͝ die
Sans Classic: (standing near a cliff) i’m the ledgelord
I hope it’s okay that I’m referencing all of these AUs, let me know if you want me to change any part of this or credit anyone.
(Also I totally get that there’s more to Error Sans than “he’s like Bill Cipher” and he’s totally terrifying and stuff, I just saw some similarities and I thought it was funny)