the god the bad and the ugly

I always hate it when girls say “But I’m fat,” and then I automatically reply with “No you aren’t!” because that isn’t what I want to say.

What I want to say is a century ago you would have been a goddess.

What I want to say is you are a goddess now.

What I want to say is that society stole that word from you.

What I want to say is “So what? Fat does not mean ugly. Fat is not a bad word. You are fat. I am fat. And we are beautiful.”

What I want to say is fat and ugly are not synonymous.

What I want to say is my god, if you are fat, be fat, but fall in love with yourself all the same because you are so much more than weight and weight has never been everything.

But I always say “No you aren’t!” and they always know I’m lying.

Six Years and Seven Days

This is pretending that Bellamy could hear Clarke talking all those years, she just can’t hear him responding, and that the ship at the end is them coming back to Earth. 

So…pain. 


Day Three

“Bellamy…are you up there? Are you alive? Is anyone alive?”

Static.

“I only woke up yesterday. At least, I think it was yesterday. I barely made it into the bunker in time, but I made it. And the computer says it’s been three days since the radiation hit, and I was so hungry I thought I might die. Please tell me you didn’t die.”

Silence.

“Bellamy, my mom was right. In a way. My face is disgusting, covered in boils. You’d be laughing at me…probably. Because she was right but so were you. I’m not dead Bellamy. I hope you aren’t either.”

His fingers slammed on the respond button, pushing it down to the point of it feeling like it would crack from the pressure.

“I’m not dead, Clarke. I’m not dead.”

Keep reading

omgchulbulipandey  asked:

I feel like Derek must be legitimately confused when people don't find Stiles attractive. Like Scott will forever remain a mystery to him cuz SCOTT YOU GREW UP WITH HIM WHY DONT YOU WANNA HAVE SEX WITH HIM????

I kind of get the feeling Derek would be relieved more than anything no one has “taken Stiles off the market” before they can sort out their shit than anything else. 

Like, Derek is aware people find Stiles a lot to take (he knows he did, in the beginning) but he is also convinced the moment Stiles escapes to college he’s going to be scooped up by at least a dozen amazing people in his first year and he’ll have missed his chance for good, whatever his “chance” is supposed to be. Stiles is under appreciated in Beacon Hills and Derek sort of, maybe relies on that after he moves away; as he and Stiles grow closer, sending e-mails and postcards back and forth; as Derek realises, fuck, what he was sure would fade in time has only grown stronger. Because how could Derek possibly compare to someone who hasn’t got his emotional baggage? Someone without the tragic back story. Someone who can actually communicate with Stiles in a way he’s always needed, but never quite gotten. 

And Derek hates it, hates the first night Stiles kisses him, the day before his college graduation - tentative and scared - and his first thought is thank god no one ever saw in you what I see. It’s a pretty ugly thought but Derek is certain he never would have stood a chance otherwise. He doesn’t understand how people don’t think Stiles is a great catch, especially now he’s matured; is often baffled (and irrationally angry) whenever someone leaves Stiles’ bed after a one night stand that Stiles had hoped would be something more. He doesn’t get why people don’t fall in love with him the moment they get to know him, even if his sense of humour is astoundingly bad and makes Derek want to punch the nearest wall sometimes.  

He doesn’t get it because Stiles is beautiful. And not just in the way he stands or sleeps or smiles, but in the way he gestures erratically with his hands; in the way he makes those awful, inappropriate jokes at two in the afternoon as he shovels pie in his mouth and laughs, all by himself, despite every shitty thing that’s happened to him. He’s beautiful when he’s tired and sometimes when Derek watches him charge - scared but loyal to the end - at the next fucked up thing that comes their way, he has to remember to hide the fact he can’t fucking breathe beneath a well timed scowl. 

Stiles Stilinski is a mystery to Derek because he’s the most infuriating asshole he’s ever met, and yet if it turned out Stiles was some kind of supernatural creature with angel blood he wouldn’t be surprised because Stiles makes the darkness seem not only bearable, but beautiful. 

21st century marauders
  • Remus makes the horrible, horrible mistake of showing James and Sirius how to use a computer
  • mistake 2: 
    • a) having a tumblr (he makes killer aesthetics; reblogs some good angst, High Class memes ™, bi pride)
    • b) leaving the goddamn tab for tumblr up on his computer
  • “Moony what’s tumblr?” “Nothing.” Remus closes the tab calmly but it’s too late – Remus used his Prefect voice (mistake three) and it’s marauders law to do the opposite of the Prefect voice
  • Sirius and James use the public library’s computers in a muggle town until they get banned forever
    • all unbeknownst to Remus until the first day back at Hogwarts
  • “15 points from Gryffindor, Mr. Black.” “Aw, Minnie, I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now”
  • and the memes begin.
  • someone tripping up the stairs? *points* “same”
  • peter falling asleep in class? *points* “me lmao”
  • text talk
    • “bt-dubs prongsie you’re my bff 5eva”
    • “lol pads tbh you’re the greatest for realz”
  • Slughorn (talking about Potions brilliance) compares Lily to Snivellus
    • “Lily, sweetie I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that ugly ass bitch like this would even say that, oh my god“
  • legit bought and packed fedoras in their trunks
    • “M’Lily”
  • embracing dramatically on top of the Gryffindor table “no homo just BROMO”
    • they get two days of pointing to anyone sitting next to the same gender and declaring no homo until Remus hexes them into the next century 
    • Inner Remus is just as bad as meme trash tho and he bewitches one of his robes to say NO HOMO FULL BI in sparkingly rainbow colors on the back to wear on weekends
      • (Sirius dies. James: “rip in peace”)
  • Me to me
    • James: “I haven’t lost any points in days…I should sit like a good boy and pay attention to Professor Binns”
      • Sirius *pulls robe hood over head and slaps James*: “transfigure that quill into a frog and levitate it onto Snivellus’ head”
  • passes by a painting right as the person in it scowls *points* “tfw u see Snivellus”
  • Sirius holding two apples onto his chest “bon apple titties”
  • James scores a Quidditch goal “for HARAMBE”
  • “I came out to have…” needs to be said at least once a day by Sirius
    • Remus: “OH I’LL MAKE YOU FEEL ATTACKED”
    • Sirius:
    • Sirius: “I came out to have – omg wtf moony!!!”
  • James convinces his mom to knit them all jumpers that say MFL for christmas
    • “it’s FML, actually” “no, moony, it’s obvi marauders for life, duh. are those tears in your eyes?”
  • Looking at Moony on the first of every month, Sirius says:
    • “look who’s still single in October”
    • “still single in December”
    • “still febURARY!!!”
  • of course every time any one in hogwarts turns seventeen – “you are the dancing queen!! young and sweet!!”
  • peter tries his best but he only catches onto a meme after they’ve moved onto the next
    • mostly he points to people a) eating b) sleeping c) crying over hw stress and says “me”
    • he’s also proud to say he draws the pepe frog for them
  • when all 4 marauders are walking together sirius shoves people out of the way “make way for the SQUAD” 
    • “tbh we’re squad goals af”
  • “ilysm!!!”
    • james, under breath: “or should i say….Lily-sm”
  • anytime a teacher compliments remus or gives him points sirius HAS to say “SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK”
  • when he’s Prefect-ing or says a killer one-liner to someone, Remus conjures a teacup and takes a sip
    • James and Sirius appreciate it and go wild when it happens tho they personally prefer less subtlety
  • “DAMN Snivellus back at it again with that greasy ass hair!!”
  • “still aprill!!!”
  • in McGonagall’s office being reprimanded: James holds Sirius’ shoulder “don’t talk to me or my son ever again”
  •  McGonagall gives Remus 10 points for hexing Sirius’ mouth shut after he tried to say “I came out to have – ”
  • “still!!!! MAY!!”
  • the morning of June 1st Remus pecks Sirius on the lips on the way to the bathroom
  • they all work together to release fireworks in the Great Hall on the last day of school that form four frogs on a unicycle with “WE DEM BOIS” written under
    • it was Remus’ idea
  • a meme revolution has begun

(feel free to add more)

edit: changed Remus’ yes homo to full bi

The Right Direction [Yondu Udonta x Reader]

Originally posted by starkactual

Could I make a request? Soulmate AU with Yondu where you have a compass that leads to your soulmate. – Anon

So… I was meant to post the Doctor Strange one today, but I couldn’t not post this after I kinda let myself get a little bit obsessed with this here grumpy blue space dad. I hope it’s okay anon.

2,932 words

 Taglist: @maddybeck01 @multi-villain-imagines

Keep reading

patrick things
  • always wearing a hat……. what is he hiding
  • leather jackets…..
  • those sideburns he had up until like 2011
  • somehow being able to hold really high notes for a really long time
  • bad fashion sense
  • “yo, i got a soul voice”
  • that time he sang i don’t care on some late night show and switched out the bridge for “womanizer” by britney spears 
  • being really good at tweeting but strongly disliking the internet
  • everyone gasps when he swears
  • commonly called ugly even though everybody knows he’s a god in human form
  • sweet cinnamon roll, can do no wrong
  • not even pete knows if he’s a ginger or not
  • naming his guitar “stumpomatic”
  • fanfiction is the bane of his existence

feel free to add more if you want

before we begin explaining actual myths, we’d like to address a few misconceptions, or rather myth-conceptions:

first: contrary to popular belief, hinduism is not a polytheistic religion (polytheistic meaning believing in multiple gods), but rather a monotheistic one. yes, there are several gods we reference (i.e.: brahma, vishnu, shiva, etc.) but if western writers actually bothered to properly research, they would find that some denominations of hindus believe that all of these gods are merely forms/manifestations of the Supreme Deity, Parameshwara, and that everything in the universe i also a manifestation of him/them. this does not, however, take away from the significance of other deities.

second: the syllable aum (om) is not merely something you say while standing in the tree pose, but also the most sacred sound of both hinduism and some forms of buddhism (which originated from hinduism) and represents the complete creation of brahma and by extension, Parameshwara. that is to say: the sound aum is the frequency of the universe.

third: karma, pronounced [karma] and not [KARma] is the record of everything you’ve done in your life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. it dictates what happens to you after your life is over not what happens to you while you are still alive, so the phrase “karma’s a b*tch” when used in the context of minor inconveniences in life is, in fact, inaccurate.

fourth: who the fuck told y’all we worship cows? while it’s true we consider cows sacred, and many denominations of hinduism don’t eat beef because of this, you won’t find anyone treating cows themselves like literal gods. that just isn’t a thing.

fifth: no, you cannot randomly call yourself hindu because you think “third eyes” and “chakras” and whatever exotified bullshit you ran into in yoga class is sooooo trendy. some people do convert to hinduism – personally i know a few hindu converts who aren’t of south asian descent, and they are some of the most respectful and religious people i have met – but please, don’t pick and choose the parts of a religion that you think are cool and exotic. and for the love of the gods, don’t culturally appropriate. recognise that hinduism has a deep and interconnected history with south asian culture, and that not all of it is your place to take part in.

sixth: a bindi/bottu/tikka/tip is not just a “forehead decoration,” it is a symbol of shakti, power, and corresponds with the mythos behind chakras (pronounced [chakra] not [CHAKra]). do your fucking homework before you misuse a powerful symbol of south asian culture and don’t try to tell us that we’re overreacting.

seventh: not all hindus are peaceful, and hindu extremists do exist! hindus have a long history of islamophobia, for one, which has resulted in violence, and also discrimination against people of the sikh faith (see: indira gandhi, anti-sikh riots of 1984). also, the hindu nationalist (or hindutva) movement is as violent as any other extremist group you’d encounter. most hindus are generally pretty chill and don’t agree with these extremists’ views but even so, it’s dangerous to assume every hindu is gentle, because that overlooks and minimises the actions of these groups.

eighth: hinduism itself has no problems with the LGBT+ community. in fact many hindu deities have feminine/masculine/non-human forms (i.e.: vishnu and mohini,) and can therefore be interpreted as nb/genderfluid. there are also a few myths that challenge conventional heteronormativity.

the devil finds me on the side of the highway with a purple dress and a backpack full of bad intentions. my mouth is bloody and my heels are breaking. he says he doesn’t know what to think about hands like mine.

it gets darker and warmer and i feel like the constellations are tearing themselves apart. we dance all night and my mother calls me little blasphemy but i don’t listen anymore.

in the morning i say i want to get better but he says i feel like home. want is an ugly word for girls like me.

—  GOD, FORSAKEN (ii) || s.o.
“The fuck are you wearing ?” - Wolverine x Reader

I saw a deleted scene from Reel Steel where Hugh Jackman is shirtless and then puts on a shirt, and besides the fact that he’s incredibly sexy, I couldn’t help but think…”What the fuck is he wearing ?” cause that shirt is…I don’t know I just find it funny. So…Here we go with a short and shitty Wolverine thing, because…Yeah. Boom, here, hope you’ll like it

(My masterlist blog here : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com)

_____________________________________________________________________

It was still rather early in the morning when you felt Logan’s side of the bed shift, and you groan as he slipped the arm that was under your head away, and stood up. You slowly opened one eye. In the light of the rising sun, you could see his naked silhouette gathering some clothes from his wardrobe. Damn he looked good. You wanted him to come back to bed…

-Logan, honey, it’s like - you quickly looked at your alarm clock- 6 am…Oh my god it’s 6 fucking am ! It’s Sunday, and you’re up at 6 am. The Hell is wrong with you ? 

You heard him chuckle as he put on some boxers and pants. You gave him a disappointed pout, because you wanted to check him out some more, and he just smiled at you, giving you one of his sexy wink he reserved for you only.

-I promised Cap’ we’d go on a motorcycle ride today, road trip you know. So we can talk about old times and such. 

You rolled your eyes to the sky, but couldn’t help the smile creeping on your face. To the surprise of many, the Wolverine was actually a great friend. Once you went threw his layers of being a bit rough and broody and a “lone wolf”, he was great to be around. He was always there for his close one, and if someone needed him, wether it was to talk, get drunk, or just hang out…He was up for it. Still, you sometime had trouble sharing. 

Keep reading

Reasons Why I Think Heather McNamara is On The Autism Spectrum.

(created mostly for  @mcnammers‘s anon, with assistance from @celestial-vapidity)

1. The entire ‘meat cleaver’ line seems to be something she blurted out, and it seems to be very awkwardly said. Same goes for the small speech just before 'Lifeboat’.

2. 'Dang dang diggety dang de dang’ from 'Big Fun’ could be seen as mimicry or as echolalia (Mac comes in just after Duke and Chandler).

3. The whole 'piñata’ thing. Her movements, her pronunciation, and the fact that she doesn’t seem to acknowledge that what she’s about to do is bad. 

4. In fact, the latter of the previous statement seems to happen a lot, and is signified by the fact she says 'God, you make it sound ugly.’, just before 'Blue’ starts, when confronted with what she did to Veronica. She doesn’t recognize that it’s a bad thing until she’s told so.

5. She tends to coil in on herself when something upsetting or loud happens in the musical.

6. She doesn’t seem to understand personal space (again the 'meat cleaver’ sequence with her hand going right in Ronnie’s face), and also her clinging to Chandler in the movie when they give the note to Martha Dunnstock.

7. In the film, she doesn’t seem to grasp her emotions well at Chandler’s funeral. Her voice over exactly is: 'Oh God, this is a tragic thing and sometimes I have a hard time dealing with it and stuff. Please send Heather to heaven and all that. Thanks. I mean, Amen.’

8. She doesn’t understand some social niceties (most explicitly the fact that she touches up her hair with holy water).

Feel free to add your own evidence!

Guardians of the Galaxy was so good y'all.

Ok at first I was a little scared from the first ten minutes that they were going to focus too much on Groot.

Like he’s adorable and I love him but I was worried they would make him the main gimmick and he was going to be there for merchandizing purposes.

But they didn’t do that thankfully.

They kept his role to a minimum until the end and they did executed that ending great.

Ok, so second.

God. it was hilarious.

I was really laughing the whole damn time because Draxx is just such a riot. He’s just always a delight to hear laughing that loud awkward laugh of his. And him constantly calling Mantis ugly was really funny, like that sounds bad, but it was amusing the way they did it. Like they were playing with the idea of hot alien babes being hot to every species despite them being alien goddamnit.

Everyone in the cast just has perfect comedic timing and all their different comedic styles work.

Peter- does call outs and quasi fourth wall breaks.

Rocket-asshole is asshole comedy

Gamora- the straight man. has sarcastic quips or call outs of her own.

Groot- he’s cute. he’s so cute. god he’s cute. he’s funny because god he’s oblivious to the dangers around him. in the original his humor had to do with cluelessness and general innocence too.

And new member, Mantis, who was funny and pretty interesting. She was “clueless” funny, somewhere between Groot and Draxx.

So ok, they are all their own brand of funny.

But what was REALLY great was the character building.

Like it’s not a hyper complicated plot, it’s character based.

It’s developing Gamora and her sister Nebula.

It’s developing Rocket and Yondu.

Draxx and Mantis were static characters for the most part but they were support characters anyway. As was Groot. And if a formula ain’t broke don’t fix it.

The real character development was for Peter and his relationships, with his “heritage” as they say.

I thought the plot was simple but it worked fine because first, it was funny and the action was siiiick as hell while being generally light hearted and goofy, and second, it was creative and the characters shown.

It was actually ALSO very sad, like..

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SCROLL FOR SPOILERS

Yondu was probably my least favorite character from the first one. I did not care for him that much.

But the way he killed all those traitors on his ship was just so badass?

And it was so sad in the end, when he gave Peter the space suit and allowed himself to die out there to save him.

It was just really sweet, seeing him realize that he was afraid to call Peter his family because he’s this tough space pirate.

And it was sweet of him to save Peter from that asshole father’s influence, honestly.

I actually FELT something for a character I previously hadn’t felt before.

Like that’s fuckin incredible.

I knew I was going to love Groot and Draxx and Peter and friends.

But I didn’t realize I was going to love Yondu. Not at all.

It MADE me love Yondu and it made me laugh in the process, so.

Go see Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.

It’s honestly hilarious, really self aware at times, and really, really..heartfelt too.

You may cry.

anonymous asked:

What are some funny US history moments you can think of?

Oh god you have no idea what you’ve just started:

-Thomas Jefferson almost starts war with England because he escorted the wrong woman into dinner.

-Merriwether Lewis is accidentally shot in the ass.

-Andrew Jackson’s parrot is ejected from Jackson’s funeral because the American people won’t let the parrot say fuck.

-James Madison accidentally buys prostitutes. 

-William Henry Harrison thinks bad life choices are a good idea and dies.

-The Treaty of Ghent

-Abraham Lincoln is elected and everyone in Baltimore is super pumped until they see a picture of him and collectively decided that nobody that ugly should be president. (disclaimer: I am not of the belief that Abe was ugly, but you have to admit the people of Baltimore and fucking petty and it’s hilarious)

-New England tries to secede because James Madison isn’t their real dad. The country takes it has a huge joke and laughs it off (even though they were 110% serious about leaving the union.)

-John C Calhoun. That’s it. Just John C Calhoun: what a fucking meme of a man. 

Today, I fucked up because I made my boss think I was suicidal.

I was at work. I was bored and tired and waiting for a client to call (dropping off a package) and I was typing random stuff into Google to see what the auto-suggestions were. I typed “I’m tired” and looked at the drop down list, selecting the first item just as the phone rang. I ran downstairs to get the package and then came back upstairs and went home without turning off my computer. I got a strange email an hour later from my boss:

Hey. Pardon me for asking, but you left a screen with a Google search up on the computer at the front desk, and I was worried. Three things. First, thank God you’re part of this team. Couldn’t do it without you. Everyone’s glad you’re here. Second, if you ever want to talk about anything, including bad times and ugly shit, I’m here. Third, I can’t promise you that life will be wonderful, but I can promise you that you can feel better about it. I didn’t believe it, but it’s true.

I emailed him telling him I was fine and asking what I had typed.

I’m tired of living

My boss is hyper-aware of depression and suicide and was scared for me. Now, all the senior attorneys are treating me with kid gloves.

TIFU: Internet`s best fucked up stories are here.