the gnome squad

Does anyone think about what the return to Vasselheim and Grog’s duel with Earthbreaker Groon would have been like if Pike had been there??? Because I do a lot like

Pike is the first one Grog calls to when Groon asks for him to pick his fellow combatants. Imagine Pike vaulting over the edge of the arena, not even waiting to be thrown in because hell yeah shes gonna support grog in handing this monks ass to him!! She’s a monstaahhhh! And of course he picks Scanlan because Scanlan is his pal.

And like, a lot of that trial was to test Grogs relationships as well as his strengths. Picking the two smallest in a group of renown adventurers? Size doesnt matter to Grog when it comes to strength and Groon would know not to underestimate the gnomes.

Basically what im getting at is the gnome protection squad. The gnomes dont need protecting. They are the protectors.

Idk man grog and the gnome protection squad just get to me

The Last Mabelcorn Censors

Unicorns are lying assholes.

Beating up unicorns is okay.

Ruining people’s lives in the concept of “good deeds” is inherently good and should be treated as such.

When making a deal with someone, backstab them and as many people as possible.

All police are corrupt: deal with them and take advantage when possible.

Chloroform when needing to get past people. Then mutilate their bodies when drugged.

When nothing else works, beat people up until you physically steal what you want from their unconscious bodies.

The best way to judge your twelve year old nephew is to pretend to be possessed by a demon and try to murder him and steal the secrets of the universe to see how he reacts.

Traffic the pugs as quickly as possible. When the crossbows start firing, run, but finish the job first.

“Morality is relative!”