the giant claw!

if your child asks you where babies come from, please don’t tell a lie or make up a story, just tell them the truth about the giant claw machine and the

3

Giant armadillos have extremely large, powerful front claws, meant for digging burrows and breaking into concrete-hard termite mounds.  In particular, their third foreclaw is long, thick, and sickle-shaped, and it is proportionately the longest and largest claw of any living mammal.

all the characters in Overwatch are just so fucking extra, like, can you imagine being a standard soldier and then having Overwatch agents show up

WTF IS THIS, A CLOWN SHOW,

like you’ve got a doctor wearing angel wings and a halo unironically, a literal cowboy with a SPUR on his gun, a guy who thinks he’s captain america, idek who that sonic chick is but she won’t stop giggling, a small engineer whose prosthetic arm is a giant mechanical claw, an actual gorilla as their lead scientist,

did the UN look at this lineup and go “sorry guys but I think decommissioning you is the only solution”

Splash

Characters: Steve Rogers x Reader

Request: @itsanerdlife​ said she wanted bathtub smut based on that one gifset of clark getting in the bath with lois, and i was happy to deliver <3 (I hope you like it!)

A/N: so this was fun guys…ALSO the nerf gun thing in this is based on a real video i saw but i can’t find it for the life of me and i’m so mad…so if you know where it is i will literally love you forever…that’s all. also sorry this is so late…. :( also (also) pls ignore the awful title i am shit at them

Warnings: nsfw, bathtub smut, nerf guns

Words: 2668

Tags:@yourtropegirl @daybreak96

The front door to your and Steve’s shared apartment slams shut behind you, and you lean against it for a second.  “Fuck,” you curse quietly, pulling the disgustingly uncomfortable shoes off and tossing them into the middle of the floor.  You drop your purse and jacket on the floor, knowing Steve will give you those “eyebrows of disappointment,” but you were honestly too tired to care.  You trudge through the living room, dead on your feet and cursing Stark for being so demanding.  Working with the Avengers was exciting, but God was it hard on your feet.

You finally reach your room, where Steve is sitting against the headboard of your bed, files and papers spread out around him. He glances up at you and smiles. “Hey, Princess.  How was your day?”

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I mean, like- on the topic of specialness- Voltron Legendary Defender is basically just big, established fanfic of Defender Of The Universe / GoLion.

VLD is basically just “hey, remember Voltron? Check out my fanfic, I redesigned everybody.”

“There’s an entire faction of rebel galra who are cool space ninjas, because I said so, and Keith’s an alien, his mom was one of the ninjas.” 

“What if Sven stays a paladin the entire time, also he’s Japanese like GoLion and has a metal arm he got from this time he was a space gladiator. I guess that leaves Allura with a lot of time on her hands, so you know what? The Castle of Lions is a spaceship now. The entire castle. Also Allura is magical and has super strength.”

“It has space mermaids!”

“I gave the team a pet cow!”

“Zarkon is an ex-paladin and there’s some huge mysterious history! Also Alfor was a paladin too!”

“I decided the Lions are alive and sentient!”

“The space mice killed a dude one time!”

“This is my OC, Sendak, he’s like Yurak but better and he has a Giant Metal Death Claw.”

And we all loved it.

So, like… it is okay to be special and wild with your writing. It is not inherently bad writing to elaborate on things. Play stuff up. Because it’s definitely possible to overdo it but almost nobody talks about how incredibly easy it is to fall short- create something vague and forgettable with only bland, reasonable worldbuilding because you were terrified of making anything Too Cool.

it’s funny, so i just saw logan last night (which is both Very Funny and Very Not, but that’s a different story)

so you meet dear little laura, and you’re hanging out with her on this father-daughter bonding transamerican roadtrip, right? and she’s making shrieking noises and beheading people and stealing shit from convenience stores, and you’re like okay– secret weapons project, bioengineering, brainwashing, this makes sense. i see how you got here, you precious and wonderful child of death who i wish such good things for. it all makes sense.

but then you meet her cohort of other secret weapons children– and wait. these children are not like laura. these kids got some trauma and some superpowers, but are otherwise a lot more like “hi i’m johnny.” laura is a special murder snowflake.

in the ~final confrontation~ all laura’s buddies are, when cornered, taking down individual soldiers with faces that say “i am a scared but competent preteen and/or teen.” all of them team up to slowly and almost meditatively kill That One Douchebag, and it’s all very Big Deal, this is a Moment

and then you have laura, backflipping off her dad’s back while issuing an enraged nonverbal shriek of full-bodied fury and sticking her landing with her claws knuckle-deep in a baddie’s chest

what was she like in the lab? i mean, this kid clearly has a Protective Streak and also, you may have noticed, giant claws that spring from her tiny clenched fists, like, i bet this was a thing

i can just imagine the kids being like “laura’s late to the rendezvous, should we be worried?”

“she probably just got distracted by MURDER again, you know how it is, remember easter 2023?”

“oh damn it i miss that girl.”

“my favorite sister.”

“i thought i was your favorite sister.”

“only when i need my drink iced– ow– hey!– i’ll tell laura!”

“go ahead! she’ll side with me!”

tl;dr all tiny bilingual mutant found-families need a shrieking murder child

My friend is reading TWoK for the first time. She sent me this text, while reading the chapter just before Sas Nahn:

I was feeling like a very bad friend…

A few minutes later:

And now she understands.

Expedition to Sol2487-3 Pt. 2

The first encounter with life on Sol2487-3 - we called it “weeny wacky mudpot”, at least for the time being - would proof itself as one of the most gruesome experiences of my life.
We enterd the “field”, as Dr. Proaxl named it, but in fact it was a jungle. The stems of that cultivated grass reached far into the sky, almost as far as anyone could see. The soil underneath was brown, crumbling, muddy, and smelled like a space corps’ field latrine in Pjörecian summer.
Our expedition platoon consisted of in total four security squads members, including Loxxar Kraes, respectively two members of both medical and scientific squad, on top of that Dr. Proaxl, my first mate Xato Nexgrra and myself. Eleven trained and experienced ambassadors of the Intergalactic Federation of Peace in Space, half of our ship’s crew. The other half stood behind and secured the ship.

As we ranged the woods, suddenly a creature stepped out of the shadows. Our first encounter! Following the protocoll, we stayed alerted, but calm and peacefully. The creature was about our size, quite round and, well, fluffy. Its skin looked like it was covered of billions of the Grdklean Firewrappers poisonous prickles - hopefully it wasn’t as toxic as them. But our protective gear should grant our safety.
The creature approached us on all four of its limbs, and began to collect grains that were scatterd around the ground and nibbled peacefully on them while it peered at us. Its eyes were dark and round and full of… nothingness. Did it even see us? Did it even comprehend the fact that it had encountered life from outer space? This one clearly couldn’t be one of this planet’s sentinent races. I at least couldn’t remember of any sentinent race that used the same limbs for running as for eating. And this empty glance, uninvolved to anything on this planet and propably the entire universe and… for Xaleates’ sake, just how many of that grains could this thing fit in its cheeks?!
“Look how it’s stuffing itself” smirked Loxxar Kraes, “those grains must be quite delicious. Maybe we should take some, to…” As soon as he reached for one of the grains, the gates of Xyrrhos hells opened. The creature, just a second before dispassionate as a rock, jumped at him like a rabid Rjurcean Brooax. Fangs as long as my head burrowed into Loxxar Kraes’ breastplate. Fortunately it was designed for and tested in outer space, so there was no way it… it just broke. That beast just bit through one of the toughest armors the IFPS could provide.
Loxxar Kraes screamed in pain, but was soldier enough to take his gun and shoot the damn monster in the face.
I nearly had forgotten my position, as I pulled my gun and screamed on top of my breathing diaphragms “Fire! Fire! With all you’ve got!”
Beams of blazing hot plasma and bolts of concentrated electric energy whooshed through the air and hit the creature hard. It squeeked in such a high pitched tone and absurd enormous volume, that three of our team’s members - one security and both of the scientists - fainted immediately. But thank Xaleates the beast fled, leaving a scent behind that was even worse than the latrine soil we stood in.

“Status?”
“He is alive” answered Dr. Proaxl, “at least for now. If we returned to our ship, we could stabilize and propably save him, unless…”
“Unless?” I asked nervously.
“Unless those spineless worms that prefer crouching through the mud rather than helping in medical care of a wounded comrade can’t pull themselfes up again!” she vituperated against the collapsed crew, especially her own squad members.
The scolded ones flinched concerned, regardless the circumstance that Dr. Proaxl was the only one around who as a matter of fact had not a spine.
“Ok everyone” I commanded, “return to the ship! Weapons at the ready and all organs of perception at work!”

We retreated as fast as Loxxar Kraes’ condition allowed. But as we reached the edge of the street, the next monster awaited us.
Right on top of our ship sat - IT FRICKIN’ SAT! ON MY SHIP! - a monstrousity unheard of. Not even the scariest tales of my homeworld’s pitchblack mythology would have prepared me for this nightmare. A creature, covered in dozens of long spikes, each of them encircled with black filaments, like leafs of a tree. And its size. It was as tall as half of my crew stacked over each other. Its two limbs each branched into four roots, three in front and one in the back, wrapped around the ships hull and left screaching deep scratches, for the giant claw at the end of each root, that would have put the ceremonial weaponry of the IFPS’ guards of honour at blank shame. Its head alone was formed like an ancient weapon, a gigantic spear, meant to impale one’s body at whole. And its eye. It was gigantic, wide opened, deep as the wide darkness of space itself, but nothing compared to that earlier one’s eyes. This here seemed terrific intelligent. It fixated us with its cold, taxing glance. Suddenly, from one second to the other, the giant turned its head and showed us another eye, identic to the other one. It even bent its neck and stared down to us. It was horrific intimidating. Through the windows of the ship I could see the rest of my crew, shuddering of fear.
Then the beast unbended two additional limbs one couldn’t have expected, it stretched those extremities as if it wanted to cover the sun and bring neverending darkness upon us. We could feel how the ground was shaking and from afar rumbling thunder approached to us. This was an incarnation of Xyrrhos himself and he was about to bring us doom. Then with a clash of its gigantic black limbs it jumped - No! It pressed the air beneth it! - it flew! It genuinly flew! Without any recognizable device, it flew! Away.
“What at my progenitor’s lappets was that?!” whispered Xato Nexgrra.
Then, the doom struck.

A mountain, taller than you could see, faster as you could think, with deafening uproar scorched through, black and silver linings hasted through my sights, a screaching noise of ripping metal echoed in my ears. Blazing storms dragged me along, hundreds of steps away from the point I stood before. When I could pull myself up again, the unimaginable had happened. My ship was gone. Obliterated. Pulverised. Half of my crew, shreds in the blasting winds. Exterminated by a might incomprehensable to my thoughts.

“This isn’t weeny wacky mudpot any longer. This is… Devil’s Playground.”

Spiderman’s(?) Abs - Part 2

Request: Could u make a part 2 to this where he actually tells her he’s spider man and she is all cute about it and the same kinda snarky and adorable way she was in this!?

Request: Numbers 1, 16, 17, for the top thing. Theydon’t have to be in the same fic.

16. “If I had a choice to kiss you…or to breathe…well, i’d breathe,”

A/N: SO im including the first request and number 16 in this fic.

Word Count: 858 (so short)

Warnings: More Abs

Masterlist

Part 1

You and Peter had been dating for about a month now. And after much persistence, you did eventually see Peter’s abs.

Mind you it was accidental.

So was finding out he was Spiderman.

One night, you were sitting in your bedroom doing your homework when suddenly someone tapped your shoulder.

You jumped out of your desk chair and screamed.

Behind you stood Spiderman.

“Spiderman? Oh my god. Why are you here?”

You could see Spiderman’s mouth moving under his mask but you couldn’t understand what he was trying to say to you.

“I’m sorry, you’re going to have to lift the mask off your mouth. I’m partial deaf and i read lips but I can’t understand what you’re saying,”

Spiderman was clutching his side, and you could see him wince in pain when he reached his arm up to lift his mask so it sat above his mouth.

“I’m hurt and I need help,” Spiderman said.

“What’s wrong?” You asked

Spiderman lifted his hand off his side, showing you the slash in his suit with blood slowly dripping through the cut.

“Oh god,” you muttered.

“Here, sit down,” You directed Spiderman to sit in your desk chair.

“I’ll be right back with supplies. You'e going to have to remove that suit,”

You left the room and went to your kitchen to retrieve your first aid kit. When you came back into your room, Spiderman sat in your chair with the shit puled off of his chest, leaving it dangling from his waist.

“Shit,”  you muttered yourself.

Spiderman was hot.

You put the first aid kit on your desk and opened it, pulling out everything you needed.

As you started to clean the hero’s wound, you couldn’t help but stare at Spiderman’s abs.

Peter. Peter. Peter. You love Peter. Peter is your boyfriend. Stop ogling the masked man who just showed up at your window.

When you were finished cleaning up Spiderman’s wound, you looked up at him.

“Thank you,” he said.

“No problem. You can sit here while you catch your breath, if you want,”

Spiderman nodded and sunk into the chair.

“So what happened?” You asked, pointing to his wound.

“I was attacked. Let me just say there were giant claws,”

“Can I ask you something else?”
“Sure,”

“Why did you come here? And how did you know to not knock on my window? I mean did you knock on my window?it’s not like I’d know. But when I didn’t answer my window why didn’t you move on to someone else’s? Why did you break into my house to get my help?”

Spiderman went to say something but you but him off.

“Oh my god, you know me, don’t you? Ok so if I know you, and you know i’m deaf, I suppose that narrows it down to my entire school, my neighbours, my family, or a few people I’ve run into,”

“And you have abs so that really narrows it down to who it could be. I mean-“

Suddenly Spiderman shot out of his chair and jumped forward at you. He moved towards you and tried to place his lips on yours. You quickly moved your hand in front of your mouth to block his lips.

“Look, no offence but If I had a choice to kiss you…or to breathe…well, i’d breathe,”

“What?” Spiderman said

“I have a boyfriend. Now, I very much admire what you do, and if I didn’t have a boyfriend, believe me, your suit would have come all the way off, but I can’t do this,” you explained

“Well then I guess there’s something you should know,”

Suddenly Spiderman reached up and pulled off his mask.

“Oh my god, Peter,” you said

“Hey darling,” Peter smiled, leaning forward to kiss you.

You immediately pulled back.

“I have sO MANY QUESTIONS! First of all. I knew it. I knew it. I knew you abs. I also called it. You’re Spiderman. Why didn’t you tell me a month ago when I asked you if you were Spiderman? I’m kind of hurt that you didn’t tell me sooner. Oh my god my boyfriend is Spiderman,”

“Y/N, there was like one question in there, slow down,”

“Oh my god and you’re hurt. Peter are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m okay. Thank you for fixing me up,”

“I still can’t believe my boyfriend is Spiderman. I was right. This is a way better secret than you having a crush on me,”

Peter smiled, and pulled you back in for another kiss.

“Does this mean I get to see your abs more often now?”

Peter rolled his eyes, “Whatever you want Y/N,”

Tag List: @marvelsdaughter

Overprotective | A Peter Parker Imagine

Peter Parker x Reader requested by: @signethatsmelol (thanks for my first request!! hope you like it!)
Words: 2,306 words
TW: Knife tw
Spoiler Free.

   You handed the cashier 14 dollars and 37 cents and thanked them as they handed you your paper bag filled with sour gummy worms and KitKats. It was movie night with Peter, and you were on sweets duty. He, of course, provided refreshments. You loved the way his soda would always explode on him because he swung the cans a little too much on his way home. He’d have to change his shirt and you, you know, just so happened to be standing in the hallway to see. A regular peeping tom. He never minded it. 

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Yuri!!! On Ice, Avatar: The Last Airbender / Legend of Korra AU headcanons
  • Yuuri is the avatar and earth is his native element (so he feasibly could be born after Korra)
  • He knew he was an earthbender early on, but he found out he was the avatar after discovering his ability to freeze over water as a child
  • He showed this trick to his friends Yuuko and Takeshi. Takeshi was a little bit more tentative, but Yuuri and Yuuko had a grand ol’ time sliding across the ice UNTIL…
  • Tragedy strikes!! Either Yuuko or Takeshi falls through the ice or something and THOUGH SHE ENDS BEING UP OKAY, the incident stays with Yuuri, instilling a deep fear of water and blocking his ability to bend that element
  • Eventually Yuuri starts traveling around the world to train. He struggles with air a little bit (since it’s the direct opposite of Earth). His friend Phichit, a fellow airbender trainee on Air Temple Island, helps him through it
  • When it’s finally time for Yuuri to master water he’s anxious AF. Phichit comes with him to the Northern Water Tribe as moral support (because airbenders are nomads!!! also yay BFFs!!!)
  • Yuuri is supposed to train under Waterbending Master Yakov BUT INSTEAD WHO GREETS HIM WHEN HE DISEMBARKS???
  • YOU GUESSED IT. A GORGEOUS, SILVER-HAIRED WATERBENDING MASTER WHO EXCITEDLY PROCLAIMS HE’S GOING TO BE YUURI’S TEACHER
  • Meanwhile Yuuri is freaking out because he assumes this means Yakov hates him already and can’t be bothered to work with an avatar who can’t waterbend (though admittedly Yakov might not know about that…)
  • Georgi, Mila, and Yurio are also waterbenders chillin up north w/ Master Yakov, mostly because I can’t bear to separate the Russian Nothern Water Tribe Drama Squad
  • Yurio spars by bending water into giant ice claws, bc of course he does Mr. Ice Tiger of the Northern Water Tribe
  • (Yurio is also an exceptionally good healer, something that he loudly resents but quietly appreciates when Yuuri occasionally gets banged up during training)
  • Victor tries some, uh…unconventional methods to unlock Yuri’s waterbending
  • Including a lot of stripping and attempts to share body heat (”but yuuuuuri you’re not used to the cold!!!!”)
  • At some point Victor drags Yuuri out into a canoe in the middle of the night so they can do some soul searching together. Yuuri FREAKS OUT but reluctantly going anyway.
  • They end up lying in the canoe in the middle of the ocean as Victor explains the connection between the moon and waterbending and the ocean spirit and etc. etc.
  • It’s while lying there, gently being rocked by the ocean and listening to Victor’s voice, that Yuuri realizes water can be safe and soothing. He slowly overcome his bending block after that
  • Yuuri’s begins to associate water with Victor. This makes it easier for Yuuri to trust his bending (because he trusts Victor!)
  • Also they pair skate at some point. bc why not.

    As to why Victor ends up training Yuuri instead of Yakov…
  • Yuuri moves super fluidly when he bends, which seems unusual for someone with earth as their native element. He bends as if he’s dancing
  • This catches Victor’s attention. Though Yuuri doesn’t realize this, Victor saw him bend once prior to him coming up north. Victor immediately thought “omg he already moves as if he IS water, i NEED to be the one to train him, i’m the only one who can tap into his potential!!!”
  • Victor pesters the shit out of yakov until he acquiesces. (”Fine Victor you can train him for one lunar cycle, but if he can’t move water by the next full moon I’m taking over”)
  • Also it’s feasible that Victor knew Korra when he was really really young. She recognized his potential early on and told him to look after the next Avatar for her.