the frustration that is my life

as someone with an abusive homophobic parent I’m always being pressured to come out to her and it honestly is very frustrating because I live with this parent and coming out to her would make my life a nightmare.

like hey if you know your parents or whoever else are abusive homophobes dont feel like you absolutely have to come out to them to keep your lgbt card or whatever the fuck.

you dont have to come out to people if you dont want to. if you think youll be endangered you dont have to talk about it unless you absolutely want to.

EXO’s Reaction to Their S/O and a Member Fighting

Xiumin:

It would frustrate Xiumin to see that you and Chen weren’t getting along, and he’d speak to both of you together, treating you like children.

“You’re both important parts of my life. And I’m not getting rid of either of you, so you two had better learn to get along. Got it?”

Chen:

Honestly, Chen would be surprised that Xiumin had lost his temper with you like that, and would speak to him first about the matter.

“Listen, I know you’re upset, but they’re the love of my life. Can you please try harder? For me?”

Baekhyun:

Disappointed in how the two of you had acted, Baekhyun would pull you both aside one at a time to ask about what had happened. After he understood the situation, he’d only say one thing:

“Let it go.”

Chanyeol:

Although upset that you and D.O weren’t hitting it off like he had hoped, he wouldn’t put all the blame on his friend, and would talk to you about it as well.

“He’s a great guy, I promise. It’s just hard to break his wall sometime, alright? I know it’s not your fault, but could you try again, for me?”

Lay:

Shocked to see how infuriated you had gotten while talking to Sehun, Lay would quickly pull Sehun aside, immediately placing the blame on him.

“I’ll admit they’re not super friendly, but come on. Breathe, then give it another shot.”

D.O:

Handling the situation maturely, D.O would pull both you and Chanyeol aside together to talk to you and figure out what had happened.

“You two don’t have to be friends, okay? But at least keep it on good terms.”

Suho:

Legitimately upset that Kai seemed to have gotten pissed off by something you had said, Suho would awkwardly bring it up once you two were separate from the group.

“I get that he’s a little rowdy sometimes, but don’t take everything he says to heart. He’s a great kid- trust me.”

Kai:

When Kai saw that you had become upset after talking to Suho, he’d approach his leader and blatantly asked about what had happened.

“Hyung, I’m not saying it’s your fault, but can you at least put a little effort into getting along with them?”

Sehun:

Completely dumbfounded by the fact that you and Lay hadn’t gotten along, he wouldn’t hesitate in asking the member about the incident.

“I don’t know what happened, and I don’t want to. Just try harder, please?”

ikowaikoji  asked:

May i request a Bucky Barnes x Reader where you met him through peter and peter is your bestfriend and he gets jealous and threatens peter?

this was weirdly tough to write lmao, but I hope you like it. 

Originally posted by xopsychogirlxo


“Stop—Peter! Are you even listening to me?!” I slam the advanced physical aspects of nature textbook down in front of him–he suddenly jolts forward, seemingly coming back to life. “Nice of you to join me.” I shake my head in frustration.

“Sorry,” he bows his head, unable to look at me.

“What’s wrong Pete?” I ruffle his hair.

“I’m just thinking about how different things are now—I really miss being able to sit in a classroom and know everything.”

As his tutor I was saddened that my student had a lacklustre attitude, but as his friend I felt terribly sad for him. He hadn’t been adjusting well and with everyone around him being so much older, he hadn’t really been able to make any bonds. Of course everyone was lovely, but they weren’t people he’d go out and experience every day life with—they were his co-workers and they were staunch.

I was only an external part of the program, so I didn’t know the team very personally.  Tony had hired me to help Pete feel more normalised—he was always offering me a full time position so that I could stay, I just wasn’t sure about taking it.

“I know what you mean,” I shoved the textbook back into my bag—I’d figured that no learning was going to happen. “I remember being sent off to boarding school.” It was the worst 6 years of my life—I’d never been surrounded by people smarter than me before, it was a real slap in the face.

“I made a friend—” he changed the subject.

“Oh yeah?” My face lit up.

“Yeah!” He beamed, I really think you should meet him. “I really like hanging out with him, he doesn’t say much, but he’s a really good guy and he puts up with me.”

“Peter,” I rolled my eyes. “Stop trying to set me up! How many times do I have to tell you?!” It was his mission to try and find me a boyfriend—but that wasn’t what I needed—what I needed was for him to concentrate when I taught.

“Noooooooooo,” he protested, “this is different! Please!!!!” He was begging like a small child.

“Fine!” I gave in, “but only if you promise to actually be present at our next lesson!” I gave him a light slap upside the head and he grinned.

“Promise!” He held out his pinky.

“Okay,” I wrapped mine around, holding him to his promise.

“After our lesson tomorrow!!!” He shoved his belongings into his backpack and practically ran out of the room.

Bucky’s POV

“Bucky!!!” I heard Peter’s whiny voice yell from outside my room.

“Oh god.” I muttered the words under my breath as I continued to read my novel—He just didn’t leave me alone.

“Bucky!” He popped down on the couch next to me and I almost punched him in the face.

“What the hell?!” I shouted, “how the fuck did you get in here?!” The little fiend didn’t give up–I wanted to strangle him or maybe tie him up and leave him in a cupboard, but Steve said I absolutely wasn’t allowed to and it killed me.

“I have a key!” He grinned proudly as he held it up to me.

“You little shit!” I tried to snatch it from him, but he was too fast. “Did you steal my key and make a copy?!” I didn’t know why the hell he was so obsessed with me.

“Maybe.” He shrugged, as though invading my personal space on a daily basis was normal.

“One day,” I slammed my novel down on the coffee table in frustration and turned to him with a scowl, “I will kill you.”

“You’d have to catch me first.” He shot up from the couch. “Plus, I need something from you.”

“What?!” I rolled my eyes, not knowing what the little shit could possibly want from me.

“I need you to take my tutor on a date tomorrow night.” He paced around the room, throwing the key he’d copied up in the air repeatedly.

“What?! Absolutely not.” Who did he think he was?! I knew for a fact that I did not look like someone you hired from a dating service.

“No, no, no–” he waggled his finger in the air. “You can’t say no, if you do I’ll show everyone THIS!” He held up his phone–a video of me slipping in a puddle of water and falling straight on my ass flashed across the screen.

“You little fucking shit!” I tried to grab at him for the millionth time, but he was too fast AGAIN.

He let out a small chuckle and I clenched my fist so tightly, my knuckles began to turn white.

“See you at 7!” He threw an apple from my dining table at me before prancing out.

Reader’s POV

“Ummmmmmm,” I scanned the room awkwardly as I sipped on my wine. “This is a lovely place.” James as he’d reluctantly introduced himself didn’t look comfortable at all.

“Yes.” He spoke gruffly, not even bothering to look my way.

“Look,” I finally let out the deep, frustrated sigh I’d been holding in for so long. “If you don’t want to be here you don’t have to be.” I didn’t want to be there either, but it made me sad to know that I’d made an effort for someone who didn’t really care. Of course he’d pulled out my chair and been a complete gentleman, but he also hadn’t bothered to look my way or make any form of small talk.

“Uh no—no,” he pretended to perk up, realising that he’d fucked up. “How was your day?”

“Ugh,” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “You know what, I didn’t ask for this either and to be quite honest—“ I pushed myself away from the table and grabbed my coat that had been resting on the back of my chair. “It’s demeaning and embarrassing to have been put in this situation and not have someone try to be nice. I don’t know you, I don’t know what problems you have, but I can assure you it’s not hard to pretend to be nice.” I stormed away from the table, I didn’t know why I was upset, it wasn’t his fault—not at all, but it just made me sad. Was I not good enough to even be nice to? I violently wiped tears from my eyes as I sped down the sidewalk.

“(Y/N)!” I heard a voice shouting from behind me, “please stop!” it was James and he was running towards me.

I paused, I should have kept walking, but I stopped. “What?” I hissed as he finally caught up.

“I’m sorry,” he shook his head—he wasn’t even short of breath. “You’re right, neither of us wanted to be in that situation, but that doesn’t mean I think badly of you.”

“Walk and talk,” I commanded as I began to move.

He nodded, following next to me. “It’s just who I am,” he began to speak again. “I don’t really go out at all, I keep to myself—I’ve been through the ringer.”

“I’m going to kill Peter in his sleep.” I muttered under my breath and James laughed.

“You’re not allowed to, I’ve tried.”

“He has this thing where it’s his mission to fix all my sadness.” I laughed lightly as I spoke directly to the ground. Peter had one of the purest hearts, he just didn’t know how to go about executing all his wonderful ideas.

“Me too,” James laughed. “He doesn’t leave me alone—did he tell you he made a spare key for my apartment without asking?”

“No,” I chuckled, of course Peter had done that. “But I’m not surprised he did.”

“Look,” He stopped walking and for the first time that night when I looked at him I saw something genuine in his eyes. “I know I seem like a terrible guy, but I really am just trying to get through some stuff—“ he shoved his hands into his pocket and bit on his lip nervously. “I don’t know what I’m doing right now, but I know that I’ve never had someone talk to me the way you did in that restaurant—well, there’s been a few, but none as beautiful as you.”

“So what I’m saying is that, maybe if you’re willing to give me a second chance, you can give me your number and when I’m out of this rut maybe we can go on a proper date.”

I was flustered—James was a very attractive man and when he’d shown up at my doorstep I’d been stunned. He may not have looked at me, but I sure had a good look at him. The whole car ride, as he’d answered my small talk with his one word answers I surveyed him—his sharp jawline, tanned skin, light stubble and his hand that looked like it could tell a thousand stories with all the small cuts. The prosthetic arm hadn’t even caught my eye until we’d been seated at the restaurant.

“I don’t know.” I was sceptical. “But I guess there’s no harm.” I pulled my phone from my handbag. “If Peter wanted you here tonight there must be something good he sees in you and I want to see that good.” I handed him my phone, ready for him to enter his details.

“I guess you can say the same for me.” As he took my phone, he handed me his. I quickly entered my number and when I took my phone back I noticed that he’d saved his name as ‘Bucky.”

“No one calls me James.”

6 months later

 

“Hi,” Bucky leaned down to place a kiss against my forehead.

“Ew you’re all sweaty,” I grimaced, he’d just come back from training and obviously hadn’t hit the showers.

“You love it,” he plopped himself down on the couch next to me before suddenly lunging at me with his sweaty body.

“Oh god,” I screeched as he suffocated me with his dripping armpit, “I, hate you, I really hate you.”

He let out a loud laugh before finally moving and allowing me to breathe. He took a second to sniff his own armpit before making a face that suggested he was quite impressed with himself. “Wow,” he nodded, “that’s disgusting.”

I rolled my eyes but moved to lay my head on his lap anyway. “I’m going for dinner with Peter tonight.”

“Oh yeah?” he shifted uncomfortably.

“We’re going to that Italian place you like, did you want me to get you something?” I ran my finger along his bicep. “Oh and by the way Steve came by earlier and asked if you were joining him on his trip to Wakanda tomorrow?” Steve had been so awkward when he’d asked, it really had made me uncomfortable—it was as if he’d been hiding something.

“Nah,” he gently moved my head away. “I’m gonna go have a shower and then go see Steve to let him know I’m not going, have fun with Peter.”

He didn’t even wait for me to reply before walking off. I was so weirded out—every time I mentioned Peter he got awkward, which was extremely strange considering; he knew Peter had been my best friend since I’d moved into the compound and because Peter had been the one to set us up. I let out a heavy sigh, my mind telling me that it was best to just let it go—things were so push and pull with Bucky, I’d learnt quickly that I had to ease into asking why things were the way they were.

“I can’t believe Bucky and I both love the gnocchi from here,” Peter beamed as he shovelled food into his mouth. “I really look up to him you know? I mean after Tony, I like him the most—“ he shoved in another mouthful as he spoke, “that’s why I set you two up.”

“I know Pete, I know.” I couldn’t help but smile. “How’s the quantum physics going?” I’d given him a whole bunch of homework and I knew he wasn’t doing any of it—but I also knew he didn’t need the homework because he was all round excellent.

“Great, I did all those stupid learning activities.” He lied and I reached across the table to give him a little poke on the cheek.

“I’m very proud of you Peter,” I commended him, “you’ve come a long way.”

“Thank you (Y/N),” he finally spoke without a morsel of food in his mouth, “if it wasn’t for you I think I might have given up.”

“Alright little one,” I unlocked my door and turned to Peter to give him a hug, “I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”

“Yes Ma’am,” he shot me a small salute, “5pm sharp.”

“Good, now go get some sleep.” I squeezed his cheeks and he pulled away.

“I told you to stop thaaaaat,” he whined.

“I’m sorry,” I chuckled, “I just can’t help myself.”

“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes, “anyway, goodnight—“ he was just about to kiss me on the cheek when he was literally thrust against the wall by Bucky.

“What do you think you’re doing Parker?” He sneered.

“Bucky!” I shouted, “let him go, what the fuck?”

“Why should I?” He hissed. “You don’t think I’ve noticed how much time he’s been spending with you?”

I noticed Peter’s face, he was struggling for air.

“Jesus Christ,” I lunged forward to push him away. He was so startled that Peter fell to the floor.

He struggled to breathe as I dropped to his side, “are you okay Pete?” I almost cried as I watched him try to regain his breath.

“What the hell is wrong with you Bucky?!” I cried out, “look at him!”

“Stay away from my girlfriend.” Bucky threatened before walking into our room and slamming the door behind him.

“Hey guys—woah what the fuck, are you okay Pete?” Sam stopped when he noticed there was a problem.

“Can you take him to his room?” I pleaded, “I need to sort something out.”

“Yeah, shit, okay shit.” Sam helped him up, “c’mon buddy.”

“Go tell Tony after you drop him off!” I instructed.

“No!” Peter used whatever voice he had to protest. “Don’t tell Tony, it’s not Bucky’s fault, it’s no ones fault—don’t tell Tony.”

Sam looked between us but nodded, “okay I won’t tell Tony.” He hooked Peter around his body and began to walk him to his room.

I stared at my room door for a second before finding the courage to walk in.

“Baby I’m sorry,” Bucky rushed towards me.

“Don’t touch me,” I warned before he could come closer. “How could you Bucky? He’s a child, he’s 19 years old and what, you think he’s going to steal me from you? I’m his fucking tutor, we’re best friends for God’s sake!”

“I—I don’t know what happened.” There had only been one other time when Bucky wasn’t able to look at me and that was the night we’d met.

“I love you, I love you so much—but if you think for one second that I’m going to stand for that crap then you’re fucking wrong.” I slammed my fist against the wall—I was about to cry. I just couldn’t believe the man I loved had done something so horrible. “You know what he said to me tonight? He told me he looked up to you, that you were his favourite after Tony—how do you think he feels now huh? How do you feel? Do you feel like a big strong man? Do you feel like you’ve accomplished what you wanted to? Because I can assure you, I’m absolutely repulsed by you right now and that’s saying a lot considering I’m literally so fucking in love with you.” I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, he’d hurt me so much.

“I need help.” The words were almost inaudible as they escaped his mouth, but I’d heard them. “The anger, it’s coming back and Steve has been trying to sort out sending me back to Wakanda for treatment, but I haven’t wanted to go because I didn’t want to leave you.”

“Bucky,” I hiccupped, “No.” I collapsed onto our sofa. “Why?”

“I’m not trying to make any excuses for what happened tonight, but god—I’m just fucked up and I know Peter isn’t a threat, but something in my mind just told me to take him out and I couldn’t help it, I had to do it.”

“You’re getting that treatment.” I shook my head, there was no way he wasn’t treating himself, especially after telling me that I was the reason why—there was no way I was allowing for that to happen, not on my watch.

“I’m going to go spend the night with Natasha, you’re going to pack up you’re things and let Steve know that you’re going. And before you leave you’re going to go and apologise to Peter, because he wants nothing more than for you to be happy.”

“Okay,” he nodded, “okay.”

“Good.” I got up from my seat and entwined my fingers with his as I rested my chin against his head. “I love you so much—“ I didn’t know how many times I was going to say it in one night. “But I can’t see you right now, I’ll talk to you before you leave tomorrow.” I moved my chin and leaned down to kiss him on the forehead. “Don’t think for one second that while you’re away I’ll replace you, because there’s absolutely no one else I’d rather spend the rest of my life with.”

His grip on my hand tightened, and I could tell that he was holding back tears. “I love you.” He nodded “and I’m sorry I’m like this.”

“It’s okay, It’s going to be fine, we can fix this.”

bidleybeans  asked:

For the past few days, I've been questioning my gender for the first time in my entire life. I've always been fine with being a girl but for some reason two days ago, all I could think about was "I wish I looked more androgynous/boy-like" and "I'd like to be a boy" and wishing I had a slightly deeper voice/trying to make my hair look shorter. But today and yesterday, that feeling completely went away and I'm back to not caring. But now Im FRUSTRATED @MYSELF. could this mean I'm genderfluid or..?

Yeah it sounds like you could be! Obviously that’s up for you to decide though!! 

And please don’t be frustrated at yourself, lovely <3 Give yourself patience! You’re not obligated to know exactly who you are as soon and as clearly as possible! Allow yourself some breathing room and feel it out!

You guys. I thought 2017 was going to be my year - I was sure of it actually. And if it wasn’t, I told myself I was going to make it my year. But the thing is, I’ve found that I can’t force it to be my year and I can’t shove it into a mold it wasn’t meant for. So maybe it wasn’t my year for a lot of things… but I’m seeing now that it was my year for learning. It was my year for growing. It wasn’t a year of big leaps and bounds… I backpeddled and rerouted more than I’d like to admit. But it was definitely a year where that backpeddling was paired with excitement over anxiety, determination over frustration, and wine over tears 😂. 2017 wasn’t my year for big moves and I’m okay with that. I’ve learned so much about myself and what I want from this life through the small steps that somehow helped me get here. Here - a place that is so full of love, passion, and drive to make the most of it all.

anonymous asked:

My personality doesn't "fit" any job! I want to study languages and travel but I'm an introvert. I don't know what to do! It's so frustrating! I like learning languages but I don't want to translate movies or books for the rest of my life. I would love to see the world and make a change but I would hate to talk to the world... I would love to talk to people... gaaah

me too!!! I mean, I’m very extroverted and career driven but like I want to study languages without being a translator but that seems the only way a lot of people can sustain it, have you ever thought about going into foreign affairs/relations? like i really hope to work for the state department (basically getting payed to learn languages and travel)

one thing i think is interesting, as someone who basically grew up playing video games non-stop, is how some types of video game just don’t gel with people 

like, it’s easy to forget that, even though i’m pretty bad at most games, that my skill at handling video games is definitely “above average.” as much as i hate to put it like this, i’d say my experience level is at “expert” solely because I can pick up any game controller and understand how to use it with no additional training. 

a friend of mine on twitter posted a video of him stuck on a part of samus returns. the tutorial area where it teaches you how to ledge-grab. the video is of him jumping against the wall, doing everything but grabbing the ledge, and him getting frustrated 

i’ve been playing games all my life, so i’d naturally intuit that i should jump towards the ledge to see what happens 

but he doesn’t do that.

it’s kinda making me realize that as games are becoming more complex and controllers are getting more buttons, games are being designed more and more for people who already know how to play them and not people with little to no base understanding of the types of games they’re playing 

so that’s got me thinking: should video games assume that you have zero base knowledge of video games and try to teach you from there? should Metroid: Samus Returns assume that you already know how to play a Metroid game and base its tutorial around that, or should it assume that you’ve never even played Mario before? 

it’s got me thinking about that Cuphead video again. you know the one. to anyone with a lot of experience with video games, especially 2D ones, we would naturally intuit that one part of the tutorial to require a jump and a dash at the same time.

but most people lack that experience and that learned intuition and might struggle with that, and that’s something a lot of people forget to consider. 

it reminds me a bit of the “land of Punt” that I read about in this Tumblr post. Egypt had this big trading partner back in the day called Punt and they wrote down everything about it except where it was, because who doesn’t know where Punt is? and now, we have no idea where it was, because everyone in Egypt assumed everyone else knew.

take that same line of thinking with games: “who doesn’t know how to play a 2D platform game?” nobody takes in to consideration the fact that somebody might not know how to play a 2D game on a base level, because that style of gameplay is thoroughly ingrained in to the minds of the majority of gamers. and then the Cuphead situation happens.

the point of this post isn’t to make fun of anybody, but to ask everyone to step back for a second and consider that things that they might not normally consider. as weird as it is to think about for people that grew up playing video games, anyone who can pick up a controller with thirty buttons on it and not get intimidated is actually operating at an expert level. if you pick up a playstation or an Xbox controller and your thumbs naturally land on the face buttons and the analog stick and your index fingers naturally land on the trigger buttons, that is because you are an expert at operating a complex piece of machinery. you have a lifetime of experience using this piece of equipment, and assuming that your skill level is the base line is a problem.

that assumption is rapidly becoming a problem as games become more complex. it’s something that should be considered when talking about games going forward. games should be accessible, but it’s reaching a point where even Nintendo games are assuming certain levels of skill without teaching the player the absolute basics. basics like “what is an analog stick” and “where should my fingers even be on this controller right now.” 

basically what i’m saying is that games are becoming too complex for new players to reasonably get in to and are starting to assume skill levels higher than what should be considered the base line. it’s becoming a legitimate problem that shouldn’t be laughed at and disregarded. it’s very easy to forget that thing things YOU know aren’t known by everyone and that idea should be taken in to consideration when talking about video games. 

It’s true, I am beyond f*cked up. I don’t mean I’m a bad person– I’m just not that girl next door with parents who raised her right with happy childhood memories, the girl that followed the rules of society.

I have chapters in my past that I don’t talk about, I’ve went through a lot and experienced things nobody my age should ever have to deal with. I am damaged goods with all kinds of issues– I am a f*cked up person.

I always liked the idea of being with someone who isn’t. Somebody you’d consider the “good guy,” because I felt as if it would keep me in check. That being with someone without hidden demons would rub off on me.

It’s frustrating as hell because you came back into my life and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I obviously have feelings for you, but would you ever understand or know the real me?

And if I told you, would you accept it?”

—  aftertheam, Something I wrote in my notes to send somebody but never did.

“Cassian’s own voice broke as he said, “I never got to repay your mother—for her kindness. Let me do it this way. Let me buy you time.”

“A medical professor who has tracked the cost of insulin over the years says that a one-month supply of a popular version that cost $45 wholesale in 2001 cost $1,447 14 years later, an increase of almost 3,000%.  That’s the wholesale price, not the retail price that an uninsured patient would pay.“


Type one Diabetes is an autoimmune disease where the immune system attacks and kills the pancreas which is an organ that makes insulin. It can not be cured, can not be prevented and life choices and diet did not  caused it.

 A person with T1D must in inject insulin  themselves every day or they will die because of this Pharmaceutical companies have raised the prices up on insulin to  ludicrous prices  because they know we NEED it or else we will DIE. So many diabetics suffer from other very serious medical conditions and many just plan freaking die because they can’t afford their insulin, not to mention the prices for needles, syringes test strips and meters. THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ARE DYING IN THE USA BECAUSE THEY CAN NOT AFFORD TO PAY FOR A MEDICINE THAT WE’VE HAD SINCE THE 1960S

MY LIFE IS NOT YOUR PROFIT

let me love him ! please ! i’m begging you !

imagine being as big of a power bottom as DCEU Bruce Wayne is, spending an entire movie trying to hate-bang an alien, only to actually get to know the guy and discover that Clark is the biggest bottom in the multiverse. imagine the frustration. your parents get shot in an alley, your kid gets killed by Jared fucking Leto, and just when it looks like the universe is going to throw you some prime kryptonian dick to make up for it, turns out he couldn’t top if his life depended on it. imagine that disappointment and now picture the tears of sheer relief the first time Bruce gets railed by Arthur, and in conclusion that’s why Batman and Aquaman should bang in Justice League, thanks for coming to my ted talk