the foundation room

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~ Dec. 27th ~

Winter Break has been going smoothly, my Mom and I went to the Barnes Foundation in Center City yesterday before my whole family met up and did the escape room in Philly.

My birthday is tomorrow and I’m really excited, also (!!) for Christmas I got the illustrated Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and Hamilton: The Revolution which I’m really happy about :))

A polyamory construction metaphor

Everyone wants to put labels on the type of polyamory that they practice. Solo, anarchical, hierarchical, too many to even list. 

I am often asked how we label our relationship. I usually try to respond with a non-committal “why label it”

And then I came across a posting on FetLife that was an interesting take on it. I won’t go into the whole post, but if you are on the site, it was written by “inthesilence” 

Her point is that she dislikes grading of partners into primary, secondary, and the like. But she’s also married so there’s naturally a level of hierarchy.  

She came up with a metaphor that is pretty good explanation of a type of poly that may appeal to people. 

Allow me to give you the TL;DR version:

Having a relationship is like building a house. You lay a foundation and build rooms that make sense to you. Eventually, you decide that you want a room for her and a room for him. 

There are many ways that you can add-on to your house. You can allow people in temporarily, tell them it’s your house and your rules; you can allow each other to build additions, as long as everyone agrees to the exact plans and veto anyone who deviates from those plans; or you can allow each other the freedom to bring in new builders and allow those new projects to turn out as they would, and hope that they will be complementary. 

For her, she chose the third option (which is admittedly scarier)

So you don’t dictate the architecture of the extensions. Sometimes you hear of the plans and can say “OK, that sounds interesting. Have you really thought that through?” And then listen to each other, because sometimes it does work out. 

The fact of the matter is that the house we built together has been around for a lot longer than any of the extensions have been. So there’s a history that the rest of the house can’t match. 

However, just because you have more real estate, and construction experience, you shouldn’t go around smashing windows in another part of the house. You’re just damaging other people’s rooms, and in doing so, creating a draft that would inevitably make it’s way back to the main house. 

It would be silly for other builders to not respect the experience of the original designer by whacking a great home that had stood for years before they got there. Likewise, it doesn’t make sense to take on too many projects at once, or at a time when an existing project is developing some cracks.   

To sum up: to be good builders, you need to ensure that you build carefully, with the right tools, with the right co-builders, and at the right time. 


I don’t know that this captures my relationship status, but it’s worth starting a discussion. 

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Donald Judd’s 101 Spring Street, New York
“Art and architecture—all the arts—do not have to exist in isolation, as they do now. This fault is very much a key to the present society. Architecture is nearly gone, but it, art, all the arts, in fact all parts of society, have to be rejoined, and joined more than they have ever been.” – Donald Judd, 1986 

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Hearty and Hale, Wampus’s common room boasts a strong and sleek style. Sturdy stone, brick, and mortar form the structure and are finished with stately wood; trees that stood for centuries now immortalized in the halls of the house. Square furniture and foundation shape the rooms and symbolize strength, standing the test of time since Wampus’s founding. Even the tables and well-stuffed chairs here, worn comfortably with age, can take a lot and barely show a scratch! To match the Wampus’s sleek coat, dark polished wood lines the halls, ceiling, and floor, furnished with plush leather sofas and chairs for a powerful and professional look. The house always seems full of life, warmth filling the halls in the form of red brick, cream-finished walls, and sunny yellow lighting, and the feeling of action springs from fast, vibrant patterns throughout, an exciting and active contrast to pair with the solid colors of this world-class house.

The house offers plenty of room as well for friends, studies, training, and play. Located in its own wing, there is both an upstairs and downstairs, but perhaps most beloved is the basement, complete with a rumpus room and game hall; competition of course builds both friends and self. Additionally, a well-stocked pantry and lounge area holds food enough to keep up student’s strength. The style downstairs is a bit more rough and tumble, made of exposed brick for a city-style look, large spaces give plenty of room to run, roar, and practice defense against the dark arts, all well-insulated to boot, the other students at Ilivermorny would never suspect a thing! Wampus still holds to day the honor of starting inter-house competitions, and lockers are available for every student, on a sports team or not, as they are all a part of house together.

Some students have pointed out the similarities in Wampus’s architecture and style of Hogwarts castle, and indeed, born of it’s founder, Webster’s admiration of the school  which lead him to suggest the houses in the first place, the two share much in common. Perhaps the most European influenced of the houses, this is appropriate as the business of both aurors and sports players, and other noble professions alike often takes students overseas to collaborate or compete with other institutions, combining and testing their strength. Webster himself hailed from overseas, and ultimately returned to continue his family there, following and strengthening his roots; no matter where a student goes they will always be a Wampus. Most notable are the portraits of past students that hang in the halls, one for every Wampus member, and perhaps magically so, always room for more, all immortalized for their deeds in and after school, their strength and greatness, something for the newest to the eldest of the students to aspire to and for all to be proud of.

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THROWBACK THURSDAY– Throwing it back to when Pete Wentz ( ahomeboyslife ) of falloutboy hopped on the tables at Foundation Room in New Orleans following the Jägermeister Summer of Music Spirited Dinner. See more here: http://bit.ly/1UqaeIx

Thursday, July 17, 2014. | Photo by Peter G. Forest