the fixer uppers

a bit of a fixer upper

Summary: The Hale skiing resort is known for coaching skiers and snowboarders that have various levels of experience. Nevertheless, it’s rare – it never happened before, as far as Derek knows – that Talia would decide to coach someone who’s technically too old to be starting in competitive skiing or riding. On top of that, the kid comes in too close to the competition season, and suddenly the finely honed training system is threatened. 

The last thing Derek needs this close to tournaments is a distraction. No matter how talented or attractive, the kid that his Mom has decided to coach is going to be just that, and Derek is already unimpressed, before the guy even gets to the resort. 

aka The One Where there’s a lot of snow, nobody builds a snowman, and Stiles is the distraction that Derek doesn’t need.

A/N: Written for the @sterekreversebang​ challenge, inspired by the awesome art from captaintinymite, which can be admired/reblogged/loved on over here

Derek/Stiles || PG || 12k || AO3

“Someone’s gotta go pick up Mom from the airport!”

The rest of the house is suspiciously quiet, and Derek sighs in his spot on the comfortable couch in the living room. Laura’s yell made it very clear that it’s not going to be her driving in the fresh snow, and with the lack of response from the rest of the house’s occupants, Derek figures that he’ll be the one who’ll end up “volunteering”.

He tries to stay quiet though, just in case Peter decides to go for the drive – unlikely as that is – or Laura takes it on.

“Flight’s landing in two hours,” Laura says more pointedly, this time from the entrance to the living room, looking directly at Derek.

He raises an eyebrow, refusing to move until Laura actually says that she wants him to go and drive their mother from the airport.

“Derek,” Laura starts when she catches on to what he’s waiting for. “Der-bear, brother dearest,” she speaks with an overly sweet tone, the one she normally reserves for special instances of driving him crazy. “Would you be ever so kind and collect our mother from the airport. I would be so very grateful.”

“Why can’t you go?” Derek asks with an overly innocent tone.

Laura pauses, and Derek looks at her expectantly, a smirk tugging on his lips as he waits for what she’ll come up with as an excuse. Just then, Cora barges into the living room, ski boots in hand, neon pink socks a bright contrast to her black ski pants, She skids to a halt between Laura and Derek, and turns to her sister.

“Are we going? Peter said you’re bringing me to see Deaton before training,” she blurts out, like she doesn’t realise or care that she’s interrupting a conversation.

“That’s why,” Laura says, looking over Cora’s head at Derek. “Come on sis, let’s get going, before Derek decides to duck out of collecting Mom.”

“Oooh, Mom’s home today? Awesome! She’s way better at coaching than Uncle Peter,” Cora says, not bothering to be subtle, even though they’re all aware that their uncle isn’t too far away, and most likely within earshot.

Derek snorts, and sees Laura’s shoulders shake with laughter. It’s something that has been a cause of several arguments in their family. Peter won’t acknowledge that Talia’s approach gets better results, especially with younger skiers and snowboarders, and he keeps using Derek as an example of his success. There usually is someone who points out that Derek did most of his training alone, with very little guidance from his uncle. And in response to that, Peter stomps off in a huff, prompting Talia to point out his lack of patience, and refusal to accept criticism.

They wait for the inevitable outburst of indignation at Cora’s words, but the house remains quiet. Derek suspects that it’s because Peter wants to avoid a drive to the airport way more than Laura and Derek do.

“Fine, okay, I’ll go get Mom,” Derek finally relents when Laura glances at him again.

He gets off the couch and heads for the front door, shoulders hunched in defeat.

“Don’t take the Camaro,” she tells him when he’s almost out of earshot. “Mom’s bringing the new snowboarder, remember?”

Derek curses under his breath. He loves the Camaro, and tends to take any opportunity to drive it when Laura doesn’t monopolise it. She got it as a present a few years ago, with the condition that she lets Derek borrow it. It usually involves a complicated exchange of favors, unless she’s caught up with her own or someone else’s training session. But there’s no way Derek can fit Talia and another person with full luggage in that car.

With a huff, he reaches for the keys to the Range Rover that no one likes to drive unless it’s absolutely necessary. It was their father’s gift to Talia years ago, before he left, but it’s way too big to navigate anywhere but on highways and in the forest. It does have space for luggage however, and with the fresh snow on the roads that’s still falling and unlikely to be cleared all the way to the Hale lodge, it’s a better option.

If questioned, Derek would say that he absolutely didn’t slam the front door closed on his way out, and that there must have been a draft that caused it to shut with a loud bang.

The door can’t comment, after all.

Read the rest on AO3

lemonbird  asked:

IMPORTANT QUESTION. Vampires aren't suppose to enter a premise without being invited right? What if a hermit vampire was living in his falling apart old castle and some fuck bought it as a "fixer upper", would the vampire just glitch out on to the lawn or would he be okay since he lived there before?

Okay so this would depend on where you are in the world, and whether or not they had squatters rights (can’t be evicted and can apply for legal ownership of place once they have been there for X amount of years) but I mean, the dude owns the place, even if it is a run down mess he was still there first and there’s probably some ancient land ownership law which can’t be overwritten by modern laws (you find all sorts of weird things are still technically legal cause no one bothered to update the books since 1645) so basically whoever just bought this castle to turn it into a modern fixer upper, congrats, you also just bought yourself a vampire and he’s not going anywhere.

(Also now I kind of want to write this where a family buys it to turn it into a hotel/wedding venue and the kids find the vampire in the attic and he ends up being the weird uncle who gets roped into hilarious wedding related shenanigans?? Like 


“Okay yes fine, you can host weddings here, but registrar only, no religious ones.” 
“But Theolodious, why?”
“Really Sharon, really, do I have to spell it out for you. Really.”

*

“We really should increase the lighting for photographs, what about skylights?”
“No.”
“But—”
“How about I just set all of you on fire while you’re trying to sleep.”

*

“Please, for the love of god, please don’t let people throw confetti or rice, I’m begging you.”

*

“Okay what’s our final head count for the night?”
“107.”
“Are you sure?”
“Did I fucking stutter Steve?”

*

“Uncle Theo, why does the groom have “help me” on the bottom of his shoes, why is everyone laughing?.”
“Because small one, humanity has failed collectively as a species and heteronormativity is a constructed lie designed to oppress over half the population for not conforming to arcane and chauvinistic ideals put in place by dead scholars who have long since turned to dust and have no place influencing modern society.”
“…”
“Permanence is an illusion.”

*

“Madame, flattering as your offer is for a quickie, you’re not my type.”
“What is your type then?” ;) ;) ;)
“O negative.”

*

“Whoo, what a day, I could eat a horse.”
“Same.”
“…”
“…well obviously I’m not going to.”

*

“Theo…are you…are you crying?”
“Yes.”
“You big softie, I never thought someone like you would cry at a wedding.”
“…I’ve lived a long life, Sharron. People come and go, the christening you bless will be the funeral you mourn in less than a century. But people keep saying “I love you”, that has to count for something.”

i’m lying on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.  the tv flickers with life, casting an eerie hue in the dark.  on the screen, a young couple weeps over their house reveal on Fixer Upper.  surrounding me are avocado peels and toast crusts.  that could’ve been me.  that could’ve been me.

300k on house hunters: here’s a shack, you might be able to afford paint.
300k on fixer upper: here is an Irish castle that was moved brick by brick from it’s oceanside cliff. We can completely update it, with new appliances, and three pools. We’re also going to make it really personal for you and invite you to hang out at our cool farm.
300k on flip or flop: We bought this studio at an auction. It doesn’t have a ceiling, the walls have holes, and there is a family of racoons living in the floor. We’re going to cover everything in granite and sell it for a million dollars.

❂ ————– THE LION KING SENTENCE STARTERS.

’ What do you want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula? ’
’ I despise guessing games. ’
’ Oh, goody. ’
’ Yes. Well, forgive me for not leaping for joy. ’
’ When I’m King, what’ll that make you? ’
’ You’re so weird. ’
’ You have no idea. ’
’ Sing something with a little bounce in it. ’
’ I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts. ’
’ Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head… ’
’ Hakuna Matata. It’s our motto. ’
’ What’s a motto? ’
’ Nothing. What’s a motto with you? ’
’ Did I miss something? ’
’ Let me out! Let me out! ’
’ Please don’t eat me. ’
’ Whoa. Talk about your fixer-upper. ’
’ I can’t go back. What would it prove, anyway?  ’
’ You can’t change the past. ’
’ You said you’d always be there for me! But you’re not. ’
’ It’s because of me. It’s my fault. ’
’ Ahh, so you haven’t told them your little secret. ’
’ It’s not true. Tell me it’s not true. ’
’ No! It was an accident! ’
’ It’s your fault he’s/she’s dead. Do you deny it? ’
’ Then you’re guilty. ’
’ No, I’m not a murderer! ’
’ Friends? I thought he/she said we were the enemy. ’
’ Don’t ever do that again! Carnivores, ugh! ’
’ We’re pals, right? ’
’ I don’t wonder; I know. ’
’ The great kings of the past look down on us from those stars. ’
’ I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away. ’
’ Fireflies that, uh… got stuck up on that big bluish-black thing. ’
’ Everything the light touches is our kingdom. ’
’ A king’s time as ruler rises and falls like the sun. ’
’ What’s happened to you? ’
’ You’re right, I’m not. Now are you satisfied? ’
’ You know you’re starting to sound like my father. ’
’ The sooner we get to the waterhole, the sooner we can leave. ’
’ So where are we really going? ’
’ Right. So how are we going to ditch the dodo? ’
’ It’s a tradition going back generations. ’
’ Well, when I’m king, that’ll be the first thing to go. ’
’ Well, in that case, you’re fired. ’
’ Nice try, but only the king can do that. ’
’ Your Majesty. I gravel at your feet. ’
’ Why do I always have to save your… Ahhh! ’
’ I know what I have to do. ’
’ Temper, temper. ’
’ I’ve been running from it for so long. ’
’ Ow! Jeez, what was that for? ’
’ It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past. ’
’ Oh yes, the past can hurt. ’
’ But from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or… learn from it. ’
’ You see? So what are you going to do? ’
’ First, I’m gonna take your stick. ’
’ Good! Go on! Get out of here! ’
’ So you’d better have a good excuse for missing the ceremony this morning. ’
’ Perhaps you shouldn’t turn your back on me. ’
’ I wouldn’t dream of challenging you. ’
’ Is that a challenge? ’
’ I’m afraid I’m at the shallow end of the gene pool. ’
’ There’s one in every family sire. Two in mine, actually. ’
’ Pinned you again. ’
’ What’s going on? ’
’ Oh, dear, I’ve said too much! ’
’ Well, I’m brave. What’s out there? ’
’ All the more reason for me to be protective. ’
’ Well, I suppose you’d have found out sooner or later. ’
’ Just promise me you’ll never visit that dreadful place! ’
’ You run along now and have fun. ’
’ I wonder if its brains are still in there? ’
’ Danger? Hah! I walk on the wild side. I laugh in the face of danger. Ha ha ha ha! ’
’ Do you know what we do to kings who step out of their kingdom? ’
’ Puh. You can’t do anything to me. ’
’ Oh, my, my, my. Look at the sun. It’s time to go! ’
’ Hey! Why don’t you pick on somebody your own size? ’
’ I’m very disappointed in you. ’
’ You could have been killed! ’
’ You deliberately disobeyed me! ’
’ I was just trying to be brave like you. ’
’ I’m only brave when I have to be. ’
’ Being brave doesn’t mean you go looking for trouble. ’
’ Whoah. I guess even kings get scared, huh? ’
’ But you’re not scared of anything. ’
’ We were afraid it was somebody important. ’
’ Tell me about it. I just hear that name and I shudder. ’
’ Yeah, be prepared! We’ll be prepared… for what? ’
’ Long live the king! Long live the king! ’
’ If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise, now would it? ’
’ If you tell me, I’ll still act surprised. ’
’ You are such a naughty boy/girl! ’
’ You hear that? If you ever come back, we’ll kill ya! ’
’ So it is with a heavy heart that I assume the throne. ’
’ That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. ’
’ You know, having a lion around might not be such a bad idea. ’
’ Ah, you’re an outcast! That’s great. So are we. ’
’ I’m telling you, kid: this is the great life. No rules, no responsibilities… ’
’ You mean a bunch of royal dead guys are watching us? ’
’ Come on, I just heard about this great place. ’
’ I’m surrounded by idiots. ’
’ I’m kinda in the middle of a bath. ’
’ So where are we going? It better not be anyplace dumb. ’
’ I’ll show you when we get there. ’
’ The waterhole? What’s so great about the waterhole? ’
’ You’re the king? And you never told us? ’
’ You don’t even know what I’ve been through! ’
’ I finally got some sense knocked into me. ’
’ Please have mercy, I beg you. ’
’ You don’t deserve to live. ’
’ Why should I believe you? Everything you ever told me was a lie. ’
’ This looks like a good spot to rustle up some grub. ’
’ I’ll make it up to you, I promise. ’
’ You got to put your past behind you. ’
’ When the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world. ’
’ Bad things happen, and you can’t do anything about it. ’
’ There’s more to being a king than getting your way all the time. ’
’ I’m so hungry I could eat a whole zebra. ’
’ Listen kid: if you live with us, you’re gonna have to eat like us. ’
’ Come on, will you cut it out? ’
’ I thought I knew, but now I’m not so sure. ’
’ What’s that supposed to mean, anyway? ’
’ I’m not the one who’s confused. ’
’ You don’t even know who you are! ’
’ This is just the way your father looked before he died. ’
’ So what’s the plan for getting past those guys? ’
’ No wonder we’re dangling at the bottom of the food chain! ’
’ Where is your hunting party? They’re not doing their job. ’
’ Then you have sentenced us to death! ’
’ Well, it sure is a surprise to see you… ’
’ Hakuna Matata. It means “no worries”. ’
’ These are rare delicacies. ’
’ You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. ’
’ You are more than what you have become. ’
’ How can I go back? I’m not who I used to be. ’
’ Will you stop following me? Who are you? ’
’ What’s going on here? Who’s the monkey? ’
Truth: Arrow 5x20 Review (Underneath)

Arrow isn’t a perfect television show. To be fair, I don’t know one that is, but I never needed Arrow to be perfect.  All I need from Arrow is a good story.  My frustrations with Oliver and Felicity’s break up, and the Baby Mama storyline, aren’t a secret. I found their break up to be wildly problematic on multiple levels. However, the one caveat I always held to was if Arrow can piece together some interesting character growth for Oliver and Felicity it would go a long way of easing my ruffled feathers. We’ve been dealing with the ramifications of Oliver’s lie about William since 4x08. That’s 35 episodes. We’ve waited a long time for Oliver and Felicity’s individual arcs to come to fruition.

The wait was worth it. At least for me.

Our perceptions of “good story” vary as widely as our perceptions of “perfect” but “Underneath” is a good story for me.  It’s almost perfect. 35 episodes. This road was long. It was hard but, in the end, I feel like I understand. It connects all the dots that need to be connected (and some I didn’t expect) while delivering some real character development that feels earned.

In the midst of the crazy world of arrows, masks, Mirakuru soldiers, 15 different canaries and Barry Allen resides the relationships between Oliver and Felicity

and Original Team Arrow. 

These characters, and the love they have for one another, is the sanity in all the madness. It’s the real in the fiction. Oliver, Felicity and Diggle are the beating heart of Arrow for a reason. The love we have for these characters is the reason we watch and “Underneath” returns Arrow to center. It focuses on the love stories that made us fall in love with the show. In particularly, it brings Oliver and Felicity’s individual arcs to fruition and FINALLY merges their roads into one again.

Trust. Honesty. Forgiveness. Compassion. Humility. These aren’t always popular concepts in our society, but they are the building blocks to any relationship. You lose one, the whole house can come down on you. Love feels like it has its own inertia, like it chooses you and not the other way around. And maybe that’s true. Maybe we can’t choose who we love.  However, we can choose how we love.

If you are either Team Felicity or Team Oliver in the break-up- Baby-Mama-drama then there’s probably things about “Underneath” you didn’t like. As for me, I believe there are things both Oliver and Felicity need to learn from the breakup and “Underneath” addresses those things. But more than anything, I am ready for Arrow to rebuild what they broke. I am ready for Arrow to fix it. Are you?

Buckle up. This is, by far, my longest review. We’re going all the way back to the pilot and discuss about five different episodes. This took me about 22 hours to write. No need to comment on how long it is. I am well are.

Let’s dig in…

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