Word Count: 1,448
Summary: Taehyung has been away from home for months and he has been drifting further away from you day by day. The doubts you desperately tried to shove in the back of your mind turned out to be the bitter truth all along.
I couldn’t stop replaying the moment over and over again in my head. The moment when everything I knew and loved slipped through my fingertips.
His words stinging me, salt on a freshly cut wound.
We were supposed to celebrate our second year anniversary, the much anticipated date bringing me joy and purpose to get through the rough days for months.
Taehyung has been away for the past four months, first promoting BTS’s new album and then touring around the world, stadium after stadium.
Being alone at home, the same routine of going to college, going back home to study and waiting for his texts and calls everyday a repetitious and mundane chore being my reality for what seemed like years.
I don’t know when it began, the feeling of him drifting away from me, every day more far away and foreign than the day before.
We began with facetiming every day and three-hour long phone calls being our norm to the occasional one worded texts replacing it instead. Every time I tried to reach out it was always the same cold hearted responses from him and our once a fairy-tale of a relationship turned into a desperate one sided tug of war.
The day he finally came back, a day before our anniversary, I was surprised to wake up to a call from him. I was losing hope on where our relationship was going and thought he would have forgotten by how down south things were heading for us but the sight of my phone buzzing from his call, a picture of him kissing my cheek on a cold winter morning flashing on my screen made my heart leap and fill with an overwhelming feeling of joy and hope.
Maybe I was overreacting, I thought.
He must have been exhausted from touring almost every night which left very little free time.
Now that he’s back, everything will be back to normal again.
My Taehyung, the boy I fell for. My boyfriend that always makes my heart skip a beat will be back and everything will be back to how it was before.
In an instant, all my doubts and feelings from the past month disappeared and I was ecstatic to pick up the phone, sliding to accept the call right away.
“Hello?” his deep voice greeted me from the other side of the line. I forgot how much I have missed hearing his comforting voice, the sound of Taehyung’s deep voice reverberating through the line making my heart flutter in an instant.
“Hey babe, how’ve you been?” I couldn’t fight the smile creeping on my face and the warmth in my heart, finally being able to talk to him after so long.
“I need to see you tomorrow,” he takes a deep breath before sighing and continuing, “are you free?”
“Yeah of course,” I said despite being rather confused at his ridiculous question. Of course I’ll be free, it will be our two-year anniversary and we planned on spending the day together since before he left. On top of that, for the past two years that I have been with him the fact that Taehyung is the most spontaneous person I have ever met is second to knowing my own name for me so the fact that he is planning something ahead is rather new in this relationship. I guess for our two-year anniversary he is trying something a little different. I couldn’t help but smile at his attempt.
“Okay, the usual place?”
“The usual place.”
I’m standing by our usual meet up point. Our favourite café, the café that made the best muffins in all of Seoul. Sipping my cup of chamomile tea, its calming scent taking over me, I sigh in contentment while I waited for Taehyung to arrive. Along with my tea, I also got him his usual espresso order and I smile at how familiar this all feels. Waiting for him in front of our usual meet up point on a Saturday morning, the calming scent of coffee and tea overwhelming my senses on the day of our second year anniversary. The drumming in my chest showed no signs of quitting and the butterflies in my stomach a storm too wild to tame.
A few minutes later, I saw him turning from the corner, I could feel my eyes light up as I start to smile ear to ear. Propping myself up from my waiting position of leaning against the wall, I took small steps towards him, my dimpled smile not leaving my face.
Only until, I realised I was being greeted by the sight of an unfamiliar Taehyung, a contrast to my joyful heart and his usual self. His jaw was clenched, his eyes set cold. The peculiar sight of his furrowed eyebrows and slow stride slowly wiped away all of my feelings of elation and smiles from just a few moments ago. Feelings of dread took over abruptly as I tried to wrap my mind around this perplexing situation.
For a second, my heart relaxed a bit as Taehyung greeted me with a small smile, but the short lived reassurance quickly went away with the reminder of the absence of his signature boxed grin and eye smile.
“Hey,” he said when he finally reached me.
“Hi Tae.. What’s going on?” I couldn’t help but ask straight away, cutting to the chase. Months of mixed signals and now this. I really can’t take it anymore.
“Listen, jagi.. I need to talk to you about something.” He looked away, rubbing his neck while at it. A habit of his when he’s trying to gather his thoughts together. He remained this way, not saying anything. I’ve never heard silence quite this loud, I thought anything would hurt less than the silence between us, oh how wrong I was.
Before I could even think about what was coming out of my mouth or even come to terms with what the hell was going on, I blurted out, “Is there someone else?” the creeping thought that I have so desperately tried to push aside for months in my head finally released out of its cage.
Right after I said it I regretted it straight away. There’s a reason why I’ve been keeping it locked away in my mind, it’s because I don’t want to know and I know that the moment I acknowledge the thought, I’m making it a possible reality. I should have kept my mouth shut, I shouldn’t have blurted things out like I always do. I know the answer, without even looking at him I know it. His deep breath and heavy sigh, I know it. Straight away I can feel my heart shatter into a million pieces as he says,
“there’s someone else.”
I stood there numb, my mind blank. I can’t feel anything at all except for the deep sinking feeling of a black hole that spread from my heart, its heat consuming me whole.
“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to, I really didn’t. We were just friends but then one thing lead to another and I really can’t turn back and I just don’t feel the same way about us anymore.” Although his eyes tried to plead and reason with me, none of the things he’s saying to me made any sense. They were all just noise coming in from one ear and exiting from the other. “I didn’t mean to hurt you like this. To do this today of all days too. I’m sorry.”
When I finally found my voice, it came out as a squeak rather than a question “Who is she?” the faucet in my eyes pouring out despite my desperate attempts to make it stop. “How long has this been going on?”
He looked down at his shoes, ignoring my questions all together.
“So this is it? After everything? What we had, did it ever mean anything to you?” I hate myself, I can’t stop crying. Sobs and tears keep escaping me, failing all of my attempts in being strong. The black hole growing bigger and bigger by the minute as it feeds on my heartache.
“I’m sorry.” His face is now back to being stoic and cold, hard set. Such a foreign sight. I can feel him leaving me, everything we built together, slipping away. All of our plans for the future and unmade trips slipping away with him. “Goodbye.”
I can’t even bring myself to beg him or see him walk away from me as my vision blurred and swayed. I’m suddenly aware of the cold coffee in my hands, such a joke. He did not look back at me, not even as I pathetically plead with him, “stay.”
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