the first one is me everyday on college

Stay: Texts ( Cole X Reader)

Summary : You’ve been dating Cole for over a year now. Ever since he joined Riverdale, his producers have made it very clear that he and Lili should publicise their affections, although it meant nothing, since there were heaps of Bughead shippers. For a long time you were okay with it because you knew Cole loved you. But lately, Cole has been missing a lot of dinner dates and his PDA with Lili has been getting way out of hand. Earlier this evening you stormed off from a Riverdale party because the agents made Cole kiss Lili , on her cheeks, for the cameras. You don’t know how long you can keep doing this. You don’t want to bombard his career because you know how much acting means to him. You finally decide that the best thing for the both of you would be to call it off.

-

A/N : Tried something a little different here. Let me know what you guys think :)

-


| Text Conversation between you and Cole after abruptly leaving the party|

10:49 pm

Cole : (Y/n), is everything okay?

10:55 pm

Cole : (Y/n).

11:00 pm

Cole: Talk to me, baby, Please?

11:01 pm

(Y/n) : I think it’s time we let go.

11:01 pm

Cole: Wtf? Let go of what?

11:02pm

Cole : I’m not letting you go. Wtf. (Y/n), you know I love you.

11:03 pm

(Y/n) : It’s for our own good. I love you, C. But I don’t know if I can keep doing this anymore. I know you’re only doing what the producers want you to but you have no idea…

11:04pm

Cole: Babe, listen to me. I’ll talk to them. Please don’t do this. I LOVE YOU, (Y/N). PLEASE.

11:05 pm

(Y/n) : I’m doing this because I love you. But..it’s not fair to me anymore. Goodnight.

11:05 pm

Cole: Babe, wait. 

11:06pm

Cole : I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I’ll make things right. I’ll talk to Lil, I’ll talk to the producers, I’ll talk to all of them. Please don’t do this, (Y/n).

11:07 pm

Cole: Baby, please talk to me.

11:08 pm

Cole : (Y/n)… you have no idea how much I love you.

11:10 pm

*Phone rings*

You’re hesitant to answer the call because you don’t want him to hear you cry. Of course you don’t want to let him go, you love him. You’ve always loved him. Part of the reason you’re doing this is because you love him. Your relationship with him is the main threat for the Bughead facade. 

11:11 pm

Cole : Talk to me.

*Phone rings*

You decide to answer his call. 

“Babe?” 

You don’t want to say anything to him. 

“(Y/n)…” Cole trails off, his voice shaking.

“I love you so much, (Y/n). I’m sorry for everything. Please don’t let me go. Please don’t tell me this is over,”

I don’t want to, you answer in your head. Hearing him beg you stay breaks your heart even more, because you want to stay, you do, but you don’t know if you can take the lonely nights and ditched dates anymore.

You sob over the phone because you don’t know what to say. You want to leave because it isn’t fair to you but you also want to stay because you love him so much.

“No, no, (y/n), please don’t cry. I love you, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Babe?” he attempts to make you talk.

“(Y/n).”

“Babe.”

“Babe.”

“Babe.”

You finally decide to answer, “Uh-huh”

“I love you. Give me another chance. I promise I’ll make things right for the both of us. I’m so sorry for everything. Please say you won’t let go,”

You flashback to over a year ago when you first met Cole. 

How he gathered up all his guts to ask you out.

How he drove 3hrs everyday just to see you because you lived so far..

How he held your hand and took you to your college dance.

How he spent one entire night star gazing with you because he had just coloured his hair black in courtesy of his character Jughead for Riverdale and he wasn’t too keen about it. He only became calm after you told him that you dig guys in dark hair too! “Don’t be checking out other raven-haired guys though” he jealously warned.

How excited he was when he introduced you to Dylan and his parents. 

How he made you go to bed every single night wondering how you ever got so lucky to have a guy like him.

And how he made you wake up feeling loved and beautiful.

“Cole,” you whisper

“Yes, baby” his voice still shaking.

“I’m sorry I over reacted,” you quietly blurt.

“No, baby. I’m the one who should be sorry. I love you so much,”

“I love you too,”

“I’ll fix everything okay? I’ll talk to-”

“No, you don’t have to. It’s fine.”

“I want to, (y/n). I love you. I don’t ever want to lose you,”

“You won’t” you assure him.

“Like I would let you go that easily,” he lets out a small laugh.

“I’m sorry, C. I don’t know why I was-”

He cuts you off, “Baby, don’t be sorry. I love you. It’s all my fault. I love you, okay?”

You chuckle, “I love you so much, my raven-haired boyfriend”

“Phew. I just need you, (Y/n). You know that right?”

“I do, C. I love you. It’s getting late, call it a night?”

“Sure, babe. I’ll see you at 9 tomorrow, okay? I love you”

“Goodnight, C. I love you,”

11:30 pm

Cole : You are the love of my life. You mean everything to me, (Y/n). I don’t ever want to feel like losing you ever again. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow, babe. Goodnight, princess x

This boy.

This boy was worth everything.

-

General Taglist ~ @xbobaaa  @riverdrew @dandelions-inthewind @ashleyykabob @bernaboredom  @thevioletmarkey @punkrockandchemicalx @acidbabytears @ceruleanjones  @riverdalemami

Amor Vincit Omnia

Pairing :  Yoongi/ OC.

Chapter count : 20

Genre : Violence , Romance, Drama ( like a lot of drama)

Warnings : Abuse. Violence.  

Description :  Arranged Marriage Gang! AU . BTS Suga/Min Yoongi and OC . The worst thing you can do to a guy? Marry him when he begs you not to. Worst thing you can do to yourself? Fall in love with him afterwards.

Chapter 1

~~One~~

In life, I never got second chances. If the first time didn’t work out, I wasn’t given a second time to try to improve. Instead I would be hit , tossed into the basement and denied food for three days, till I agreed to never ask for anything ever again. Till I promised to never try to embarrass my father like that again.

It happened after my debutante ball when I accidently addressed someone wrong.

It happened after my graduation, when i didn’t make valedictorian.

Afterwards, when I stayed at home, waiting for my parents to send me to college, it happened everyday till I just stopped asking or trying or…just living.

I would wake up, eat my breakfast and set out to explore the woods that surrounded our estate in Busan. I had till twelve in the morning when my mom would wake up, to indulge in all my fantasies , live a make-believe life in which I was loved by a handsome young man who adored me and spoiled me to distraction.

After lunch, I stayed perfectly still while my mom taught me everything I needed to know to be the perfect society wife. I learnt pottery, needlework and hosting. I learned table placements and ranks, learnt complicated waltzes and learned to wear my waist length hair in three dozen different ways. I learned to wear make up in a way that made my eyes look bigger, brighter. I learned how to smile in just the perfect way. How to apply lipstick in a way that would drive any man mad with desire ( Or so my mom told me.)

I learned exotic dishes from around the world. I learned to speak English and French. I learned everything that would turn me into the perfect princess for my Prince Charming.

I also learned to swallow all the screams that threatened to bubble up inside me.

In the evenings I tried to disappear into the upholstery. My father was a psychopath. One wrong word and he would grab me by the roots of my hair and drag me to the out of the room and toss me into the basement. Or worse, he’s take a belt to my calves or my thighs ( Never my arms or face ). I learned to literally stop breathing when my father was in the vicinity. But then, how did I not go to pieces, you may wonder.

Well, you see I knew that it was temporary.

When I turned twenty one my parents would have to marry me off. In our society when a girl reaches twenty one, if she stays unmarried it’s a sign of ill breeding. My parents would be disgraced if I wasn’t married off. It was my get out of jail card, marriage. I knew that every day I got closer to my marriage. When I would officially be out of my father’s protection. It would mean escape.

But what was I escaping into?

I never considered.

I always thought it would be paradise.

My prince charming would be everything I had ever dreamed of.

I believed it completely.

Until the day I actually met him.

Min Yoongi was no Prince Charming.

He was the devil in the flesh.

~~~~

“You!! Fix your hair!” My father barked so loudly , I jumped. Bowing quickly and quietly and I rose up and disappeared into the restroom on the left wing of the lobby we were waiting in. I found the mirror and swallowed drily. Three simple curls had come undone from my elaborate up do . My father was a stickler for perfection which would explain my outfit. A pale pink georgette dress that fit me to perfection. Paired with pumps of the exact same shade , the dress made me look a little tall. I was rather woefully short and my father was forever cursing my lack of height.

I quickly fixed my hair and glanced at the expensive diamond studded Cartier on my wrist. It was a little past six thirty in the evening. We weren’t due to meet Min Yoongi , the young CEO of Bangtan Inc., for at least half an hour. I fidgeted a bit and reapplied my lipstick.

I’d spent three hours for make up and four hours getting ready. Literally every single feature on my face had been emphasized and perfected till I practically glowed. I had gone over a billion hair-styles to pick the perfect one. It would help highlight my slim figure and also the pretty pink and grey make-up on my eyes. I tried not to tremble as I stepped out of the room and walked back to the lounge.

I couldn’t screw this up. Min Yoongi had  to like me. Or else my father would kill me. He would literally strangle me. Trying not to think about that, I sat down demurely in front of my father who gave me another look of impatience.

“Yoongi called me. He wants to meet you alone. Apparently he thinks you can actually have some sort of a useful opinion which, really doesn’t make any sense to me. anyway, go meet him and you better keep your mouth shut, girl. Agree to everything he says and tell him you’ll be an obedient wife.” He growled at me.

As if I wouldn’t.

As if I would actually risk spending the rest of my life in hell.

I followed a suited man who looked less like an assistant and more like a hired mercenary. My hells made no noise on the plush grey velvet beneath my feet as he led me down a few flights of corridors before stopping in front of a oak-paneled door in the middle of a dimly lit corridor. I took a deep breath and when the mad held the door open, I stepped in. My heart began pounding steadily as I noticed the figure leaning casually against the heavy desk at the center of the room. The room was dimly lit and I couldn’t make out his face. On the contrary, a light hung directly ahead of me, throwing my face into sharp relief against the darkness.

“You look younger than twenty one.”

His voice surprised me. It wasn’t that of a twenty six year old. It sounded strong and masculine with a hint of Daegu accent. I felt a sudden dryness in my throat.

“I’m…I’m twenty one.” I said carefully. I couldn’t screw this up. I couldn’t screw this up.

He stayed silent for a few more seconds and then the room flooded with light. I blinked to adjust to the brightness and then almost fainted.

Min Yoongi was a work of art.

His hair was a blinding shade of blonde and his skin so pale he looked almost bloodless. His lips were pink, perfect against his bright black eyes and he had a smile that made my knees go weak. I’d never seen a more handsome man in my life and I was starstruck. He was dressed in a perfectly tailored black suit, with a pale blue tie and shoes that practically shined. He wasn’t abnormally tall. His shoulders were broad and strong, his body tapering into a slim waist and nice long legs.

Suddenly , I didn’t feel so beautiful anymore.

“Let’s make this quick. ” He said briskly before turning around and moving to sit behind the desk. I stood still, not sure what to do. There was a chair in front of the desk but I didn’t want to offend him by sitting down before he offered it to me.

He gave me an impatient look.

“Well, sit down fast , will you?” He snapped.

I scrambled to obey,  hitting my knee against the desk. I swallowed the cry of pain and bit my lip in mortification when he gave me an amused smile.

“Anyways….what i wanted to say was, I would like for you to release me from this engagement.” He said casually. I felt my breath leave my body in a single second.

“I…what? Why?” I blinked in confusion. There was a roaring sound inside my head. What did I do wrong??!!

“I’m in love with someone else.” He said almost apologetically.

Oh.

Oh, God.

I stared sightlessly as he explained how he was in love with a childhood friend. He wanted to marry her when he was ready, maybe in a couple of years. His parents however were adamant about him marrying me, so he’d agreed to meet me. He couldn’t openly defy his parents , so he hoped that I would do him the favor of saying that I wasn’t interested.

I almost started laughing.

If I told my father what he asked me to say, I would be flayed alive. My father would shoot me dead.

I hesitated and then slowly stood.

“I’m sorry you don’t want to marry me.” I said softly. He gave me a sympathetic smile and held a hand out for me to shake.

“Thank you for understanding, Ji Soo ssi…” He began but I held a hand up.

“I’m sorry….because I want to marry you.” I said firmly. I felt his eyes widen in shock and I felt like the worst human being on the planet. He loved someone else. He wanted to marry someone else. What the hell was I doing??! Then I thought of my father. Of the years of being bruised and battered. The years of going without food and light, cowering in the darkness while he raged at me. If I didn’t get married my father would kill me. I didn’t want to die.

I didn’t want to die.

“Ji Soo ssi…I don’t think you understand what I’m telling you. I’m in love with Hye Mi. That’s her name. She’s the same age as you. she loves art and she’s just in her second year of college. She loves me very much. Please…Please don’t destroy our lives.” He said, his voice hardening a bit. He looked deadly serious and even a little disappointed. Like he’d thought better of me.

I hesitated. I could imagine the kind of love he shared with this girl, this Hye Mi. Some sweet and serious romance with lots of love and happiness. The kind I’d only ever dreamed of. Funny, how in the million different scenarios I’d played in my head , I’d never once considered that my prince would be in love with someone else.  I stared at him now.

He was so beautiful. Like straight out of a fairytale beautiful.

“Like I said, I want to marry you. Nothing else matters to me.” I said shakily. He looked stunned.

Disgusted.

“What kind of a bitch are you?” He growled out furiously and I bit my lips.

“You can call me names. You can even hit me. I’m not changing my mind.” I said firmly.

He looked at me in disbelief, shaking his head. Like he couldn’t believe the nerve of me.

“Get the fuck out of my office.”

Shaking, I stepped out of the office. When ?i met my father he beamed and gave me a one armed hug that made me sick to the stomach. I’d done something right as far as he was concerned.

Two weeks later , My father received news from the Min Family that Min Yoongi had agreed to the marriage as well. As I sat across from him while the elders discussed the details of the wedding, he stared straight into my eyes, wrath written large in every feature on his handsome face. He hated me. I could feel the fury radiating from him in waves. He wanted me dead. But i couldn’t bring myself to even apologize or tell him the truth. For the first time twenty one years, my parents treated me like a human being. They didn’t yell or hit me. They thought I’d done something right. For the first time, I could leave that house and never worry about being thrown into a basement. Or being thrashed by a belt.

Min Yoongi looked dangerous but not violent.

Whatever he may yell or scream at me , I doubted he would hit me.

Finally the date for our marriage was fixed.

In two months we would be wed.

With shaky fingers I signed the prenup and the dowry. He gave me a look of calculating revenge.

“Say your prayers, you little witch. You’re in for some serious trouble ” He whispered, before stalking out of the room.

On December 7th , we were married in a small private ceremony held in the private ballroom of the Bangtan Hotel. It was attended by just the family and six of his closest friends and business associates. I was told to memorize their names. Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jung Kook.

Because Yoongi was busy with a deal, we wouldn’t be leaving on a honeymoon. All my clothes, jewelry and everything else was packed and moved to the huge penthouse on the top floor of Bangtan Inc.,

On the wedding night, I sat on the small uncomfortable couch of the foyer. The penthouse was locked and no one else was there. I was supposed to meet my husband there but he was nowhere to be found. Deep down I knew he wasn’t coming. But I couldn’t really go back downstairs and tell someone that my husband had abandoned me. So I  stayed sitting there .

After about three hours, my body started going numb. The heat in the building was slowly dying down and I was still dressed in the strapless wedding gown from the evening. I curled into a ball on the small couch, suddenly thankful for my short stature. After a few more minutes I started drifting off to sleep. And then I heard voices.

From inside the penthouse.

Surprised and still a bit groggy, I made my way to the door. I gave it a slight push and to my complete surprise, the door swung open. I had tried openeing it for a long time. Had it been closed on the inside then? If so, who had opened it now?

I followed the voices to the end of the exquisitely decorated living space and stopped short in surprise.

It wasn’t just voices.

It was moaning. Panting.

“Oh, babe, I love you so much….”

It was Yoongi’s voice. And some other woman.

I stayed frozen on the carpet, mind finally processing what was going on in the other side of the door. On our bed. On the bed that had probably been decorated for our first night as husband and wife.

My husband was having sex with another woman.

Sudden blinding pain shot through me. It was completely unwarranted. It wasn’t like he had promised me love and a happily ever after. He’d warned me that he was in love with another woman. So why did it hurt so damn much??

Maybe because I’d hoped he’d at least wait till after our first night was over, to cheat on me.

The last phrase made me laugh.

Cheat on me?

Who was I for him to cheat on me?

He didn’t love me.

He didn’t even care if I froze to death in the cold hallway.

He wasn’t a friend or a companion. The sooner I got that into my head the happier I could be.

Swallowing the pain I quickly crept to the couch in the corner of the living space. It was warm inside the penthouse. I slipped out of my gown with ease. I stood still in just the shift and my inner wear, savoring the warm air on my frozen skin. I used the skirt of my wedding dress as a sort of blanket and went to sleep on the couch. I fell asleep quickly.

LMAO RIP QUALITY OF GIF. HELLO ALL!!! This is my thank you to everyone who decided to follow me and help me hit 3K+ followers!
So this is my second followers forever. Since my first one a few months ago, this blog honestly grew a lot bigger than I ever imagined it to. You guys really fill my day with joy, regardless of how negative my views on life can get and I really thank you all so much for dealing with my ass. This is also a post to say that I’m probably going to be a lot less active (as some of you may have noticed) because school is starting soon and I’ll be focused on my college apps and getting good grades for the next 4 months. IF I FORGOT YOU WERE A MUTUAL PLEASE LET ME KNOW BECAUSE IM BAD AT THIS

Mutuals | I love your blog | Message under cut 🍠  | emoboiz 🍍 :

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@baejinie🍠 🍍 @baejln @2hyeons @cafewoozi 🍠@dae-hwee @danik-chu🍠 @dxnghyuns🍠 @dearlydaehwi 🍠@1guanlins @080717 @dearestguanlin @donghans @daeswhis @darkpastwoojin @17pinkdiamondsluvs @deer-jinyoung 

e-i:
@emperorhwangs🍠 @hwangminyeo 🍠@hwang-ceo @hahasunqwoons @hasungswoon @hyuncakes @hwaiting-hoe @eumyu @idaehwi @godsewoon @godkangdaniel 

j-m:
@kimjaehwanswife @kimsjaehwan🍠 @kimjaehvvan @kakaotaeks🍍 🍠@kngniel @luminous-point 🍠@minhwangs🍠 @l-guanlin @king-jaehwan @jrbugi @nielongs @kingdans @memelordjisung @jeo-jang @kimdcnghyun @ongsunged @kookiegif @kimdonghyun @jeojanged @kangdan101 @minhyunnns @jinguos🍠🍍  @jihoong @minsbugi 🍠 @kpopsincejune07

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6

hey @taylorswift :) my name is sam and i doubt you know who i am but my sister and i are HUGE fans. i’m 17 and my sister, taylor, is 13. we’ve been listening to your music since we were 7 and 3 years old. you have been such a huge part of our lives and we love you more than anything. it would mean the absolute world to us if we could meet you this era. we talk about how amazing it would be to meet you all the time. i’m currently attending my first year of college so i’m far away from my sister but she still facetimes me everyday to fangirl about your new music and how excited we are for this era. so thank you for being one of the reasons my sister and i are so close. we owe you everything. i really hope you see this because we love you SO MUCH and we will always be by your side. @taylorswift @taylornation

From my first ipod shuffle to Iphone
From dial up connection to wifi
From your first appearance in Shounen Club and now your own show Itajan
From grade school and now I graduated from college

Tbh, I don’t remember how I actually knew Hey!Say!Jump, I’m in 6th grade when I started listening to their music, following them on the internet, waiting their performance in Shounen club, promoting their new releases in Music station. No one knows I doodled their names in the back of my notebook, no one knows I look forward going home everyday to watch their makings and varieties, no one knows how their lyrics and harmony makes me feel at ease, lastly, no one knows that I started being me and trying not to conform from other people.

Happy 10th Anniversary to the most loved and humble men I know, I wish nothing absolute happiness and success to all of you, I’d like to thank you for always doing your very best just to make us fans happy, thank you for being your true self and nothing changed since tour debut. Thank you for wholeheartedly appreciating us fans and acknowledging our efforts in your concerts. Though I wish you could also perform internationally, so everyone will know how amazing and fantastic you guys are. From the sincerest bottom of my heart, I will never stop supporting and loving all of you!

Happy 10th Anniversary Hey! Say! Jump


*photo is not mine*

hello there! 

I decided to create a #appblr’18 tag to help break the ice and get to know my fellow appblrs. idk if there’s already a tag but feel free to do this if you’re apart of the #appbl’18 squad!

  1. How many schools are you applying to ? 15!
  2. Are you moving away or staying home? moving away 
  3. what’s a school that you love but won’t be applying to and why? stanford! it’s a beautiful school but its on the east coast which is too far away from my family :(
  4. What is a school you considered but is no longer on your list and why? University of Pennsylvania, i loved it at first but the bad reputation it gets for extreme competitiveness just doesn’t sound appealing to me anymore.
  5. The biggest advice you’d give your high school freshman self? stop going to the mall everyday after school and join some clubs girl!
  6. biggest fear about college apps ? Sending in a poorly edited essay to one of my top schools.
  7. What are your top 3 schools ? Cornell university, Brown university and Emory university 
  8. what are 2 majors that sound interesting to you? political science and anthropology 
  9. Have you visited any colleges, if so, which? nope, I’m an international  student so…
  10. what’s your biggest high school accomplishment ? [ personal, academic etc ] starting a student business with a couple of classmates
  11. If you could create your ideal college, what three features would it have?  it would be medium sized, with students who genuinly care about what they’re doing with their life but who also just wanna hang out and chill and not take everything so serious.
  12. Describe the ideal student at your future college in three words or phrases: curious, proactive, open-minded
  13. What is a subject/ skill you’d like to study in college that has nothing to do with your field? I’d love to continue learning spanish
  14. Small, large or medium sized college? medium!
  15. International or local? international 
  16. One thing your gonna miss about your home/ hometown: The weather! we have beautiful weather all year round in jamaica
  17. Three things you’d like to improve abut yourself in college: i’d like to be more open to new opportunities, i’d like to be more secure with my body and i’d also like to be better at not holding grudges 
  18. If you could tell your dream school one random thing or a fact about you, what would you say?  I’ve been looking forward to going to college since 7th grade lol
  19. what something you’d like to do differently than you did in high school? i’d like to go out of my way to maintain friendships and not just get into my shell and forget everyone exist lol
  20. ok finally, what colle application resource has been your favorite/ most helpful so far? Khan academy is great when it comes to SAT prep!
Stay

Originally posted by myeong-su

Focus: Taehyung

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 1,448

Summary: Taehyung has been away from home for months and he has been drifting further away from you day by day. The doubts you desperately tried to shove in the back of your mind turned out to be the bitter truth all along.



I couldn’t stop replaying the moment over and over again in my head. The moment when everything I knew and loved slipped through my fingertips.

“Goodbye.”

His words stinging me, salt on a freshly cut wound.

We were supposed to celebrate our second year anniversary, the much anticipated date bringing me joy and purpose to get through the rough days for months.

Taehyung has been away for the past four months, first promoting BTS’s new album and then touring around the world, stadium after stadium.

Being alone at home, the same routine of going to college, going back home to study and waiting for his texts and calls everyday a repetitious and mundane chore being my reality for what seemed like years.

I don’t know when it began, the feeling of him drifting away from me, every day more far away and foreign than the day before.

We began with facetiming every day and three-hour long phone calls being our norm to the occasional one worded texts replacing it instead. Every time I tried to reach out it was always the same cold hearted responses from him and our once a fairy-tale of a relationship turned into a desperate one sided tug of war.

The day he finally came back, a day before our anniversary, I was surprised to wake up to a call from him. I was losing hope on where our relationship was going and thought he would have forgotten by how down south things were heading for us but the sight of my phone buzzing from his call, a picture of him kissing my cheek on a cold winter morning flashing on my screen made my heart leap and fill with an overwhelming feeling of joy and hope.

Maybe I was overreacting, I thought.

He must have been exhausted from touring almost every night which left very little free time.

Now that he’s back, everything will be back to normal again.

My Taehyung, the boy I fell for. My boyfriend that always makes my heart skip a beat will be back and everything will be back to how it was before.

In an instant, all my doubts and feelings from the past month disappeared and I was ecstatic to pick up the phone, sliding to accept the call right away.

“Hello?” his deep voice greeted me from the other side of the line. I forgot how much I have missed hearing his comforting voice, the sound of Taehyung’s deep voice reverberating through the line making my heart flutter in an instant.

“Hey babe, how’ve you been?” I couldn’t fight the smile creeping on my face and the warmth in my heart, finally being able to talk to him after so long.

“I need to see you tomorrow,” he takes a deep breath before sighing and continuing, “are you free?”

“Yeah of course,” I said despite being rather confused at his ridiculous question. Of course I’ll be free, it will be our two-year anniversary and we planned on spending the day together since before he left. On top of that, for the past two years that I have been with him the fact that Taehyung is the most spontaneous person I have ever met is second to knowing my own name for me so the fact that he is planning something ahead is rather new in this relationship. I guess for our two-year anniversary he is trying something a little different. I couldn’t help but smile at his attempt.

“Okay, the usual place?”

“The usual place.”


I’m standing by our usual meet up point. Our favourite café, the café that made the best muffins in all of Seoul. Sipping my cup of chamomile tea, its calming scent taking over me, I sigh in contentment while I waited for Taehyung to arrive. Along with my tea, I also got him his usual espresso order and I smile at how familiar this all feels. Waiting for him in front of our usual meet up point on a Saturday morning, the calming scent of coffee and tea overwhelming my senses on the day of our second year anniversary. The drumming in my chest showed no signs of quitting and the butterflies in my stomach a storm too wild to tame.

A few minutes later, I saw him turning from the corner, I could feel my eyes light up as I start to smile ear to ear. Propping myself up from my waiting position of leaning against the wall, I took small steps towards him, my dimpled smile not leaving my face.

Only until, I realised I was being greeted by the sight of an unfamiliar Taehyung, a contrast to my joyful heart and his usual self. His jaw was clenched, his eyes set cold. The peculiar sight of his furrowed eyebrows and slow stride slowly wiped away all of my feelings of elation and smiles from just a few moments ago. Feelings of dread took over abruptly as I tried to wrap my mind around this perplexing situation.

For a second, my heart relaxed a bit as Taehyung greeted me with a small smile, but the short lived reassurance quickly went away with the reminder of the absence of his signature boxed grin and eye smile.

“Hey,” he said when he finally reached me.

“Hi Tae.. What’s going on?” I couldn’t help but ask straight away, cutting to the chase. Months of mixed signals and now this. I really can’t take it anymore.

“Listen, jagi.. I need to talk to you about something.” He looked away, rubbing his neck while at it. A habit of his when he’s trying to gather his thoughts together. He remained this way, not saying anything. I’ve never heard silence quite this loud, I thought anything would hurt less than the silence between us, oh how wrong I was.  

Before I could even think about what was coming out of my mouth or even come to terms with what the hell was going on, I blurted out, “Is there someone else?” the creeping thought that I have so desperately tried to push aside for months in my head finally released out of its cage.

Right after I said it I regretted it straight away. There’s a reason why I’ve been keeping it locked away in my mind, it’s because I don’t want to know and I know that the moment I acknowledge the thought, I’m making it a possible reality. I should have kept my mouth shut, I shouldn’t have blurted things out like I always do. I know the answer, without even looking at him I know it. His deep breath and heavy sigh, I know it. Straight away I can feel my heart shatter into a million pieces as he says,

“there’s someone else.”

I stood there numb, my mind blank. I can’t feel anything at all except for the deep sinking feeling of a black hole that spread from my heart, its heat consuming me whole.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to, I really didn’t. We were just friends but then one thing lead to another and I really can’t turn back and I just don’t feel the same way about us anymore.” Although his eyes tried to plead and reason with me, none of the things he’s saying to me made any sense. They were all just noise coming in from one ear and exiting from the other. “I didn’t mean to hurt you like this. To do this today of all days too. I’m sorry.”

When I finally found my voice, it came out as a squeak rather than a question “Who is she?” the faucet in my eyes pouring out despite my desperate attempts to make it stop. “How long has this been going on?”

He looked down at his shoes, ignoring my questions all together.

“So this is it? After everything? What we had, did it ever mean anything to you?” I hate myself, I can’t stop crying. Sobs and tears keep escaping me, failing all of my attempts in being strong. The black hole growing bigger and bigger by the minute as it feeds on my heartache.

“I’m sorry.” His face is now back to being stoic and cold, hard set. Such a foreign sight. I can feel him leaving me, everything we built together, slipping away. All of our plans for the future and unmade trips slipping away with him. “Goodbye.”

I can’t even bring myself to beg him or see him walk away from me as my vision blurred and swayed. I’m suddenly aware of the cold coffee in my hands, such a joke. He did not look back at me, not even as I pathetically plead with him, “stay.”


Hey everyone! Thank you so much for reading my first ever fic, I hope it was okay. Also, thanks for supporting our blog; liking and reblogging our posts all the time. It means so much to us!!

Also, requests are open so feel free to request anything, we’ll try our best to get on it as soon as possible :)

Hwayoung

anonymous asked:

Do you have any advice/tips for getting motivated when it comes to college and school work and just everyday responsibilities? I am the least motivated person when it comes to anything I'm the worst. I blame it on my depression but I need to start taking responsibility for myself.

i had this problem with my first year of university. i blamed it on my anixety and depression, i was homesick, and i felt lonely. it was a really rough year for me. i facetimed my friend one day and she told me that i should treat myself once a week i could, every other week, or even just once a month. you should feel proud of yourself, even if you think it’s the bare minimum. sure, mental illness shouldn’t be the “excuse”, but having it definitely doesn’t make it easier; it doesn’t just switch on and off when you want it to. so, don’t tear yourself down, but don’t let it eat you up either. go to a movie (even if it’s alone), buy yourself a candy bar, a new book, some stationary you liked, a shirt, make something for your friends or family. it’s up to you, but don’t forget to reward yourself, i know it’s hard. you’re trying your best, don’t forget that: you’re trying. that’s enough in itself. also, i believe in you, if that means anything.

Sometimes I look at the small photoshoots I take for my blogs everyday and find that one that truely shows how I’m feeling. I’ve been going through alot coming out of college with a degree in animation and not able to get a job in any studio small or large. It makes me lose hope sometimes because I want to make a cartoon for TV one day. I’ve wanted to since I was 5 and watched the Powerpuff Girls for the first time. Im now 22 almost 23 years old and I still feel that same spark when I watch a cartoon show on TV. Animation is my life and without it I feel empty. Although I am defeated Im not giving up. But if you feel like me right now your not alone.

REQUEST 8

REQ FROM ANON: Can you please make a story about Sasuke being a CEO/boss of a company and Sakura applying for a job in Sasuke’s company. then Sasuke takes interest in her, thinks that Sakura is the most beautiful woman he ever seen & start flirting or something. I know it’s cliché but you gotta love clichés! I know it’s too much, but can you please make it in Sasuke’s POV. please add a lemon to it!!!

I love boss/secretary and I’m actually working on a multichap fic during the summer, so stay tuned (check FF: I may possibly post on Tumblr as well)

Enjoy! (M for lemon)

She was flawless.

I felt myself ready to explode right then and there, even before I had gotten a piece of the amazing gift Sakura was finally giving to me.

“Sasuke…kun,” she whispered, her voice hoarse. She reached up for my face and caressed my cheeks.

“Yes, love?” I asked. I noticed her bare breasts heaving rapidly up and down, and wanted to take them into my mouth so, so badly. I could tell she was nervous. She didn’t have to be; not with me.

“I’ve never done this before,” she said. Realizing what she had just said, her eyes widened. “I mean, I’ve had a boyfriend and stuff, and I’ve gone to third base, but it’s never gotten to—“

I put a finger to her lips and smiled. “You don’t have to be scared. I’m going to protect you and make you feel good. Do you trust me?”

I saw her smile in relief. It was one of the purest, yet sexiest things I’d ever seen.

“I trust you.”

Keep reading

Hey guys, it’s been quite a while since I posted something here. Despite being pretty silent, we’ve still been working on making games. I didn’t really update a lot on the social media since the beginning of this year. This is partially because our current project, at this stage, is not ready to be shown to the public yet, but the main reason is that unfortunately, my friend and only game dev teammate (he coded almost every game I designed), Matt, has been diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor.

Matt and I have met way back in 2011 during Steam’s winter sale event called “The Great Gift Pile”. He randomly added me on steam, offering me a series of unreasonable trades. After refusing all of his ridiculous offers, I was about to delete him from my friends list, but then he asked me not to. He told me that he has read some of my game reviews and thought that we shared a similar perspective when it comes to video games.

Matt then asked me what I was doing at the time, so I told him that I was attempting to make an indie game with a IRL friend of mine. Matt wanted to join in. Matt was actually a lost spirit. He quit his college in order to become a gamedev, but then he was sort of lost as to what to do. So he just practiced his programming and art hoping that one day, he can make a game all by himself. I refused his offer, but few months later, my IRL friend had to leave due to financial concerns. That’s when I remembered about Matt and asked him to join me as a programmer.

After that, we were engaged in game development almost everyday since then. At first, I was worried because I live in America, and Matt lives in Slovenia. We have never even seen each other’s faces. So I was concerned he would one day get demotivated and silently vanish like how most wannabe devs do. However, this never happened. No matter how difficult my demands were, and no matter how much I criticized his mistakes, Matt was always there to make something with me. He actually believed in me- a guy he has never seen, and worked with me for almost 4 years. When we started, we didn’t know that much about gamedev, but through all the suffering and pain, we learned a great deal.

Around last Christmas, we started a new project that has yet to be announced anywhere. It was Matt’s favorite project so far. I was also confident in my own design of it. We showed some gifs and video clips to few of the friends we knew, and they were all excited about it. Then Matt started telling me about how he is occasionally suffering from random muscle spasms and nausea. After some diagnosis, it was made clear that he was suffering a brain tumor. Having a friend who survived easily from brain tumor, I wasn’t as worried. However, few days later Matt came to me and said it’s a malignant tumor. I did some research and as I learned more, I felt something shattering in my mind. The survival rate of malignant brain tumor is around 47% at best even after a successful surgery, and that’s the most optimistic estimate. In most cases, the survival rate seems to be a lot lower.

I asked Matt what he wants to do until his surgery. I was totally ready to accept if he were to say “I will stop making games and try to do things I couldn’t do until now. I just want to enjoy my life.”, but then Matt just said:

“Well, what else? Gamedev is the only choice here”. I told Matt that if he wanted to stop, I’d understand, but he insisted that he wanted to keep going. He has been hard at work while also taking some medication since then.

Matt’s surgery is scheduled to be around next Tuesday. I wasn’t sure if I should share this to the public, so I’ve discussed with Matt to see if it’s okay with him. I think it would be nice for Matt to know before the surgery that there are people who want him to survive. He needs to know that some people are waiting for the game he had worked on to be released.

Thank for reading. Let’s all hope that he will survive through this. If you want to send a personal message to Matt, his tumblr is http://mattsuperdev.tumblr.com. Please reblog and comment on this post to show your support. He used to always complain to me how I usually get all the emails and notes while he almost got none. I want to at least do this for him before the surgery.

sonnenblumenmuse  asked:

NozoNico Prompt, please!! Nozomi is feeling nostalgic after her first semester at college. Cue Nico taking away Nozomi's photo stand and holding her hand. While texting the former member of Muse for a get together. After the outing, Nozomi gives Nico a passionate embrace and kiss with tears in her eyes. Nico, ever, the charmer, blushes and for once, returns the romantic gesture. "We're not alone anymore."

Solitude

Pairing: Nozonico

Word Count: 2929

Bless you for finally giving me a reason to write for nozonico

Keep reading

Hiiiii, so this is my first follow forever and i decided to make one for my mutuals on this blog and on my liam blog bc i follow wonderful people :):) Thanks for being here, y'all make my dash beautiful everyday! I LOVE YOU GUYS ❤❤ (ps. sorry if i dont use my liam blog a lot but well college…)

Also thanks to my followers i love you sooooo much (for the people who have followed me on this blog for a while thanks for still being here im sorry :/ haha)

{ bolded ones are my favs + sam and maria are on italics bc i’ve know them for a few years and they’re amazing 💋 }

aliarico, blwlstuff, ex-ta-tic, fakeasspayne, footielouie, fuckboyseguin, glitterypayne, harrehw, harryniips, hipstatease, liampavnes, liamperfxctliamsstylesyliamziamzayn, liaympayne, loyallyliams, markacrossmyheart, matyhealys, niallslarry, ohhhmylouis, oopshibye, paynegram, paynekink, paynelovers, paynempire, payneobsessed, paynesmoke, prncepayne, probliams, sugarpappi, tonguemeliam, umhiilike5sos1d, unholyversed, w-itchwoman, worshipliam, yelchinn, yesziam, ziamkilam

Have a happy christmas and a happy and amazing new year i wish you the best!! 😁💕

**sorry in advance for the super long post and kudos to you if you read the whole thing also sorry for the lq pic but i love it and i look happy af in it**
Sometimes something comes along and makes you remember why you’re here. 1989 came out one year ago when I was in a position I had really never been in before. I was a freshman in college with not really any friends and I was experiencing my first real long distance relationship. I would wake up the morning wishing I didn’t. I hated what I saw in the mirror everyday and was trying to diet and work out which made me absolutely miserable. And on top of all of that, I was self harming nearly everyday or every other. I was in a position where I wanted to get better and recover from everything I had been through and was going through, but recovery is hard and was far too much work when I was trying to keep every other aspect of my life together. When I heard 1989 for the first time, I was inspired. Something about the powerful independent music made something inside of me made me want to get better. So that’s what I did. Taylor took charge of her life and made it her own instead of leaving it up to other people to decide for her. She inspired me to take charge of my own life too. I moved into my own dorm, which was a terrifying situation because I had never been completely on my own before, but I took advantage of the opportunity and started to take care of myself. I started to not want to change what I looked like, but learned to love what I am. I decided to venture outside my comfort zone. I learned that doing things alone is okay and sometimes, even good for you. I decided I didn’t want to be a “practical” major anymore and changed to being a Music Education major because if I’m going to spend 5 years at this school, I’m going to do it doing something I love to do. I dyed my hair the complete opposite color and had 9 inches of it cut off and donated. I started to not care what people said about me. I learned to be HAPPY. If you would have told me on this day last year that I would be happily living out my college years as a music major, with great friends and sorority sisters, that I wouldn’t care what I looked like, that I got rid of the long hair I would hide behind, that I would be nearly a year clean and wake up excited about life instead of wishing i didn’t wake up, I would have told you you were crazy. Incredible things can happen in a year and I’m so happy I have the music from 1989 and Taylor to thank for being where I am today. @taylorswift

Dear John,
I am going to try to tell you about our love
because you are used to poetry laced with
regret. I have been writing, “I’m alone.”
Like there wasn’t someone whispering they
need me in to every love song. My advice
would reassure someone that it gets better
yet… I am only my best when I am with you.

You have blessed me with love.
Something I thought was so too far out of
my reach that it was assumed it would
take years of therapy to teach me how to
love and you have. You have.

You make me mad at myself.
You like to think my dysfunctions are
due to things you have done.
I don’t know how to give you me or I would.
However, I am sure you are the one.

I would hate to get in
your way so I will offer breaks and
break-ups. ‘Cause I am hoping you
will stay.

You make me miss lame things
things I would pretend to be too cool. You make me miss museums, corny jokes,
long walks through busy parks, and love notes.
You make me miss you.

I am sorry I was stuck. Giving a
flying fuck going on about the past guy, the
second to last guys wrong. When you were here
all along.

You get hurt, you are scared,
you are human. You believe things
that I say and think they are just
as true. You also get insecure and
I am here for you.

I don’t expect you to see
all the good you have done for me
because I will battle you to the death
putting your needs on a shelf and you
will too because you love me and so
naturally selflessness is what love
will make you do. And you do. The least I can do
is not be selfish for you. I love you too.

Loving you is like walking into
a church after you have not been for long
God is telling you “it is okay” accompanied
by these hymns or songs. You were the bible verse,
the holy water, and the prayer I needed.
If I ever tell you, you are not.
Please don’t believe me. I am so wrong.

You make me think of things I
didn’t think could exist. Something along the
lines of a lifetime of this.

This is not for the likes or the reblogs.
I really just need you to see that we are a team.
At the end of every day, when I finally go to sleep.
All it ever is, is you and me.

—  Sunday Morning. (59/ 365)
Average

Recently, things have been off in my everyday life, but I wasn’t quite sure what it was until today.

My life can be summed up in one word: average. I’m white, male, brown hair, brown eyes, 5 foot 8, 195 pounds. Average.

I made Cs in high school, played sports, but was never first pick. I wasn’t bad, but I wasn’t good either. Average.

I graduated in the smack middle of my class of 104. Went to community college. Studied business. Graduated again. Average.

I dated girls, some out of my league, some below me. I never made a connection with them. I wound up marrying my current wife, Avery. She’s white, brown hair, brown eyes. 5 foot 5 and 165 pounds. Average.

And now we live our life in a monotonous but familiar way. It’s not the best life, but it’s also not the worst. I go to work every morning while Avery stays home and tends the house. She recently gave birth to our third child, which in some ways is what I feel has thrown my life out of whack. The first, Junior, was my pride and joy. He was the beginning of the typical, expected family I wanted to have. Sally came second. She was the next piece of the pie.

But now that Betty has arrived, things feel wrong. Life isn’t the same. Life isn’t average anymore.

So, I decided to fix it. I even left work early to do it, which I never do.

That’s why I don’t get why Avery was screaming.

2.5 kids is the average.

original

Con: In response to the non confession about wanting to hear more stories about surviving the issues black women faced. I wanna say this.
In the 5th grade I first realized that I was being picked on for being too black
In the 6th grade I was constantly called “white girl”, “Oreo” and “not black”
In the 7th grade I couldn’t and rarely looked at mirrors because I thought I was so ugly.
In the 8th grade I started bleaching my skin.
In the 9th I started wearing weave regularly because I hated my hair and (I would cry when I saw my actual hair). I became a walking black stereotype because I didn’t want to continue being an Oreo….I wanted to be a real black person.
In the 10th grade I would have to stop myself from crying in a class filled with white people because “I’m literally the ugliest girl in class” and “their hair is real and mines isn’t and their hair looks good and it’s obvious mines is fake”
In the 11th and 12th grade I just hated being black PERIOD!! I wanted to be Hispanics or light skinned.
BUT….my first year of college I told myself “I’m tired of feeling tired of being black.” From that point on I told myself everyday I’m a beautiful black woman. That I won’t be stopped because I am black and I am a woman, and that I also won’t walk around hating everyone because I’ve been made to believe that NO ONE LIKES ME. I will dislike based off of personal experience and will refuse to generalize out of fear. I will work hard and will not be stopped. I will be a strong black woman. So……
After my first year of college I went natural because it finally hit me that I permed my hair hoping one day it would be long and straight like a Hispanic woman, it WASN’T no matter how hard I wished. It was time to learn to love my own hair. Best decision ever.
My second year of college… I decided I would rather take care of my skin than change it. No more bleaching. I use Aveeno products and my skin hasn’t looked more radiant and clear.
NOW… I sit in a room filled with non black women…I don’t feel insecure.
I hear black men down black women…I don’t feel phased.
I hear what people think about black women…I laugh and keep it moving.
In the end I am a happy 20 year old black woman who refuses to generalize the world as black hating rather I know there is good and bad. I won’t feel bad about how I look nor am I insecure about it. I love my hair, skin, features, body type EVERYTHING.
Sometimes it’s scary and sometimes I feel like the world is against me but you can’t keep a strong one down for long.
Instead of putting down other black women I just support and push us all to be a better version of ourselves.
I’m not lying and telling people my grandfather is mixed with Russian NO IM BLACK.
People think I’m conceited but no I just love myself way more than anyone can even fathom.
I don’t care about others and who they date and what they say because I am a new me. And I love it. I LOVE BEING BLACK!!! I DONT WANT TO BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN A BLACK WOMAN!! ITS JUST SO SAD THAT IT TOOK ME 18 YEARS TO FIGURE OUT HOW BLESSED I TRULY WAS.
How’s that for a survival story.

My withdrawal letter to my university. I was asked to post this, so here it is.

Dear Dominican University,

  I am informing you that I am officially withdrawing from your establishment. Withdrawing from Dominican University is incredibly bittersweet for me, but it is something I must do for my own well being and happiness.

 When I chose Dominican during my senior year of high school I was excited for the new chapter of my life that was starting. I was eager to attend classes and make new friends. Everyone always tells me that college will be the best four years of my life, but unfortunately my first year of college at Dominican was the worst year of my life thus far.

 I chose Dominican because it seemed to have everything that I was looking for and more; small classes, great accessibility, friendly students, and a major I loved. I was so excited about this new era of my life, until I went to the orientation session over the summer. Those two days that gave me my first real taste of Dominican were the first sign that Dominican was not a positive place. At orientation we were paired into groups with student leaders. We had a lunch and I was the first to arrive to the lunch area. Out of all the students that were in those two days of orientation, not one came and sat by me. I already had my food and moving around is hard for me with my Cerebral Palsy, so I could not get up and move to find other people to try and sit with. Not only did I sit at a table and eat my lunch alone, but none of the leaders even came to check on me until the lunch was almost over and I had already spent it by my lonesome. As we moved onto other activities with our small groups and group leaders, no one in the groups talked to me, yet they all talked to each other. I would join in on conversations and I would be ignored…and not once did the group leaders do anything to help me out even though they knew I was being excluded and I told them this. After being completely left out by my new peers during my first Dominican experience, I was mortified to start classes. If I had experienced such hurtful and rude behavior from my future peers before classes had even begun, how was I supposed to be excited to attend classes in August? I should have saved myself the heartbreak and depression and used the orientation as a warning to not continue on with Dominican once classes started.

 That rainy day at the end of August 2014, my life would change forever. Even though orientation had gone so horribly for me, I decided I would not let one unfriendly and immature group of peers stop me from attending a school that I was oh so excited about. I attended my first day of classes with my head held high and the most optimistic attitude. After only two classes on my very first day of college, I knew that choosing Dominican had been the biggest mistake of my life. Even though I was terribly unhappy and sick over having to go to school everyday, I stuck with it. Even after my first week of classes and coming home everyday in tears, I kept telling myself “You have to do this. You are stronger than this. You are too tough to let ignorant people get to you. Don’t give up your dreams on a count of other people.” The things I went through everyday in class and the feelings I felt while enrolled at Dominican are feelings and events that I would never wish upon anyone. To preface this, I want to explain my condition a little bit better. I have Cerebral Palsy. I have had it since I was born and it is very noticeable. I use a walker to get around and the way that I walk is noticeably different than the way most people walk, but other than that, I am the same as everyone else. While I have gone through my entire life having people treat me differently or make mean comments based upon my condition, I have never been treated in such a way as I was at Dominican.

 My first semester I took 4 classes (two on MWF and two on T/TH). I can honestly say that I thought I would not be able to make it through the first semester. I was the only person in my sociology class with empty seats around me and while everyone did not have “friends” to sit with, no one else was isolated like I was. I sat five rows in and in the first seat of my row. No one sat in either row directly next to me or directly in back of me. I was the only person in the entire class that had empty seats around them in every single direction and it was a fairly full class. My math class was the only class where I had someone to sit next to and someone who did not freeze me out and that is because the class was incredibly full and had no room for seats to be empty. Since people were forced to fill in the empty seats, I was able to meet the only student in the entire university that did not shut me out and actually gave me a chance. Unfortunately, my seminar and my English classes were just like my sociology class. In my seminar class there was three rows of long tables put together and the row that I sat in only had me on one end of the row and one other student all the way at the other end of the long table(meaning there was 6 whole seats between me and the next person). Every single other seat in the classroom was filled expect for those 6 seats between me and the next student. To make matters worse, my English class was the exact same way and even worse. The tables in this room were formed to make a U shape. I sat on the end of one of the long sides. Depending on the amount of people who would show up to class each day there would be anywhere from at least 2-5 seats between me and the next student, although every single other seat in the entire classroom was filled without any other empty spaces except the ones next to me.

Although I pride myself on being a strong person who does not let other people influence me, being treated in such a way by others did have a negative affect on me. Even though I was never popular in high school and I never had tons of friends, I was never excluded in such a way like I was in these classes. Not only was I treated like an undeserving individual, but in the hallways I was also snickered at and stared at on a daily basis. In my English class, other students would also shove my walker while I was hanging onto it so they could get out of the classroom faster since I was walking slowly in front of them. Experiencing this inhumane and despicable treatment during my first semester was absolutely devastating to me. I would sit in my car before class and cry in anticipation of what was to come each day during class and I would cry everyday when I got home from class as I reflected on the day and how my peers made me feel like an alien who would never belong. The most concerning thing to me is the fact that the teachers never said anything to the class about including everyone while it was blatantly obvious that I was being alienated by my classmates. “Why didn’t you speak up?”, you may ask? How could I? Why would I want cruel people to be forced to sit with me when it was sickeningly obvious that they were all leaving me out of everything.

As first semester came to a close, I looked back at all that I went through and gave myself a pat on the back for sticking it out. It took true bravery and perseverance for me to finish out the entire semester considering what I was experiencing every single day. During winter break I noticed a change in myself and my mental state.  And not only did I notice a difference in myself, but my family noticed I was not the bubbly, sociable girl that I typically was. The way the students had treated me in my classes first semester had made me scared to leave my house because I was nervous that everyone was going to treat me like that. I developed anxiety against talking to people and going to public places in fear of feeling inferior like I was feeling at school. As winter break was ending and the start of the spring semester was quickly approaching, I became physically sick about classes starting up again. Just the thought of stepping onto campus made me nauseous. Even though I was dreading the spring semester more than anything, I did not withdrawal just yet because I thought “Maybe if I give it another chance with five new classes filled with five new groups of people, it will be a better experience.” Once again, I put on a brave face and began a new semester.

 Dare I even say that second semester was worse than the first? I was treated like a rabid animal or a patient carrying the plague in all five classes, once again. That means five new sets of people all treated me as though I was inferior in society and that I was undeserving of having people sit in the same general vicinity of me. My American History class was incredibly full, so there was not very much room for leaving seats empty, however the four seats that were empty out of the entire classroom were the four seats between me and the next chunk of students. All seats were full in my CIS class, so there was no issue there, although several students in that class giggled at my physical struggles on more than one occasion. My math class had a few empty spots that were once again next to me and students in this class loved to let the door to the classroom slam in my face on the way out of class. My econ class was very full, however the seats next to me were always the very last ones to be filled. And for my communications introduction class, I once again had two empty seats on either side of me that were empty. So needless to say, if I was already upset and physically sick about how things happened first semester, I was now even more depressed than I had ever been. As the weeks rolled on the depression and anxiety I was experiencing got worse and I became unmotivated to leave the house for anything and unmotivated to do school work due to how useless my peers were making me feel. Although Dominican is a small school, I could not believe that every single class that I had taken had that many mean spirited students. The day that I took my last final was the biggest celebration day for me. The relief that washed over me as I drove away from campus is unlike any feeling that I had ever felt before; it was freedom. Freedom from feeling like I was inferior. Freedom from being laughed at. Freedom from being scared in anticipation of going to school just to be discriminated against. I was free from everyone who was bringing me down.

 Although it is the way that I was treated that is my main cause for withdrawing from Dominican University, I also have to note how bad the professors were and all of the slanted, biased, and offensive things that were stated by these educators during class. While many things that professors said rubbed me the wrong way, I believe a comment made by Professor M was by far the most insensitive comment I had ever heard come out of the mouth of a professional adult. One afternoon he was writing on the board and was trying to draw a picture to demonstrate whatever idea he wanted to explain to us. He drew his picture and then he took a step back and looked at it. He said “Look at this shitty picture. It’s like we’ve got people from ‘Jerry’s Kids’ drawing it!”. He was clearly referring to the Muscular Dystrophy organization called Jerry’s Kids. While I do not have Muscular Dystrophy and I do not personally know anyone affected by it, that comment really rubbed me the wrong way. I consider myself an advocate for people with various disabilities and conditions, so hearing that comment was alarming to me. I don’t understand how a Catholic university is allowing one of its’ educators to be making jokes such as these that are not only incredibly offensive, but extremely uncalled for. Professor B struck a nerve with me on the very first day of second semester. I was the first one in class and took a seat on the end of one of the rows of computers. Everyone else filed into the classroom and sat nowhere near me, like in every other class as I had mentioned before. Once class started, he came up to me and loudly said, “You cannot sit here, you have to move.” I said, “Right now?” He replied, “Yes, the rule is that you can’t sit alone and you chose to sit away from everyone so I need you to move otherwise if you get lost while we are doing an assignment you will have no neighbor to help you.” First off, I did not choose to sit alone, it was not my fault that everyone else filled up all of the other seats that were all away from me. Second, he didn’t care that I was alone, he just wanted me to sit by someone so I could ask them for help and not bother him, which I figured out later in the semester. I said to him, “Can I please move tomorrow? It is hard for me to get up and down.” He said, “Why?” I then pointed at my walker. He shrugged in confusion. I then said. “I have a disability and it is very hard for me to keep getting up and moving. Can I please move tomorrow?” He said, “I suppose.” This whole exchange took place in front of the entire class, so naturally I was very embarrassed. His insensitive attitude continued throughout the semester when he asked me, “What did you do to your legs?” and then later asked, “Have your legs healed yet?” I had bad anxiety about going to his class everyday because I never knew what insensitive remark he would make towards me.

  After dragging myself through two full semesters of torture at Dominican University, I can see that the mission statements you advertise could not be farther from the truth. “Caritas Veritas” was something I never experienced during my time at Dominican. The university prides itself on “love and truth” when all I felt from my peers was hate and I was taught lies from my professors. Dominican’s mission is to “maintain a just and humane campus for all”, which cannot be maintained when it is not even there to begin with. If Dominican University really did maintain and “just and humane campus for all”, I would not be writing this letter. As I said, I consider myself as an advocate for people with disabilities. Part of this is motivational and educational speaking that I do at local schools as a job. After speaking at schools, I get back so much positive feedback from both administrators and students about how my speech helped them to understand people with differences better and what to say and not say to people who have a disability. Administrators tell me that what I say impacts the students and the way they treat others. Sometimes all people need is some education on things they may not understand or have closed their minds off from. If the university really wants to “maintain a just and humane campus for all”, they need to consider having someone like me speak to and educate both students and staff on disability awareness in order to have a just and humane campus.

 The more I write about my experience at Dominican, the more closure and freedom I feel. For the last couple of months I was trying so incredibly hard to repress the events that took place while I attended Dominican, but I was not able to truly feel at peace until writing this. No one deserves to feel how I felt while at Dominican. No one deserves to be isolated, ignored, disrespected, discriminated against, or feel like they are unworthy of having people acknowledge them. Now that I am done at Dominican University, I can be free to find a place where I am respected, cared about, and treated like any human being should be treated. While this is very bittersweet for me, it is the best move I have ever made for myself and I have no regrets. I will use this experience as inspiration for more of my public speaking and advocacy and hopefully I can use my negative experience to make a positive change in the world.

 Sincerely,

Dayna Marie Dobias

A year ago if you asked me if I planned on running cross country I would’ve replied, “No way, they don’t even do 5ks anymore they do 6ks! That’s way too hard!” This weekend I finished my first collegiate cross country season at our regional championships. To think I’d be able to come this far in a year let alone even run cross country in college amazes me everyday. Sticking with it was probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and I can’t wait to see what’s in store the rest of this year. 😁❤️🐾💪🏼🏃🏼

My Hatter

Title: Mad

Chapter No./One Shot: One Shot

Author: imjustadisaster

Original Imagine: Imagine Loki going with you to get your first tattoo done

Rating: PG

Warning/Notes: Touches the subject of death and the afterlife.

Today was the day, today you would be getting your first tattoo and you were excited. You had the tattoo already sketched out and colored in, you knew what you were going to get, you knew for a while now. What was holding you back? You didn’t want to go alone, the only person who would go with you…well that’s a story for another time, now isn’t it? Running a brush through your hair, you quickly get yourself ready for the day, running around your room like a rabbit on crack.

“Will you clam down!” His voice made you jump and freeze mid run.

Looking over at the bed you smile, “I will not,” you giggle and go back to running around. “Have you seen my shoes?” you question looking around in your closet.

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