the first one is me everyday on college


Originally posted by myeong-su

Focus: Taehyung

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 1,448

Summary: Taehyung has been away from home for months and he has been drifting further away from you day by day. The doubts you desperately tried to shove in the back of your mind turned out to be the bitter truth all along.

I couldn’t stop replaying the moment over and over again in my head. The moment when everything I knew and loved slipped through my fingertips.


His words stinging me, salt on a freshly cut wound.

We were supposed to celebrate our second year anniversary, the much anticipated date bringing me joy and purpose to get through the rough days for months.

Taehyung has been away for the past four months, first promoting BTS’s new album and then touring around the world, stadium after stadium.

Being alone at home, the same routine of going to college, going back home to study and waiting for his texts and calls everyday a repetitious and mundane chore being my reality for what seemed like years.

I don’t know when it began, the feeling of him drifting away from me, every day more far away and foreign than the day before.

We began with facetiming every day and three-hour long phone calls being our norm to the occasional one worded texts replacing it instead. Every time I tried to reach out it was always the same cold hearted responses from him and our once a fairy-tale of a relationship turned into a desperate one sided tug of war.

The day he finally came back, a day before our anniversary, I was surprised to wake up to a call from him. I was losing hope on where our relationship was going and thought he would have forgotten by how down south things were heading for us but the sight of my phone buzzing from his call, a picture of him kissing my cheek on a cold winter morning flashing on my screen made my heart leap and fill with an overwhelming feeling of joy and hope.

Maybe I was overreacting, I thought.

He must have been exhausted from touring almost every night which left very little free time.

Now that he’s back, everything will be back to normal again.

My Taehyung, the boy I fell for. My boyfriend that always makes my heart skip a beat will be back and everything will be back to how it was before.

In an instant, all my doubts and feelings from the past month disappeared and I was ecstatic to pick up the phone, sliding to accept the call right away.

“Hello?” his deep voice greeted me from the other side of the line. I forgot how much I have missed hearing his comforting voice, the sound of Taehyung’s deep voice reverberating through the line making my heart flutter in an instant.

“Hey babe, how’ve you been?” I couldn’t fight the smile creeping on my face and the warmth in my heart, finally being able to talk to him after so long.

“I need to see you tomorrow,” he takes a deep breath before sighing and continuing, “are you free?”

“Yeah of course,” I said despite being rather confused at his ridiculous question. Of course I’ll be free, it will be our two-year anniversary and we planned on spending the day together since before he left. On top of that, for the past two years that I have been with him the fact that Taehyung is the most spontaneous person I have ever met is second to knowing my own name for me so the fact that he is planning something ahead is rather new in this relationship. I guess for our two-year anniversary he is trying something a little different. I couldn’t help but smile at his attempt.

“Okay, the usual place?”

“The usual place.”

I’m standing by our usual meet up point. Our favourite café, the café that made the best muffins in all of Seoul. Sipping my cup of chamomile tea, its calming scent taking over me, I sigh in contentment while I waited for Taehyung to arrive. Along with my tea, I also got him his usual espresso order and I smile at how familiar this all feels. Waiting for him in front of our usual meet up point on a Saturday morning, the calming scent of coffee and tea overwhelming my senses on the day of our second year anniversary. The drumming in my chest showed no signs of quitting and the butterflies in my stomach a storm too wild to tame.

A few minutes later, I saw him turning from the corner, I could feel my eyes light up as I start to smile ear to ear. Propping myself up from my waiting position of leaning against the wall, I took small steps towards him, my dimpled smile not leaving my face.

Only until, I realised I was being greeted by the sight of an unfamiliar Taehyung, a contrast to my joyful heart and his usual self. His jaw was clenched, his eyes set cold. The peculiar sight of his furrowed eyebrows and slow stride slowly wiped away all of my feelings of elation and smiles from just a few moments ago. Feelings of dread took over abruptly as I tried to wrap my mind around this perplexing situation.

For a second, my heart relaxed a bit as Taehyung greeted me with a small smile, but the short lived reassurance quickly went away with the reminder of the absence of his signature boxed grin and eye smile.

“Hey,” he said when he finally reached me.

“Hi Tae.. What’s going on?” I couldn’t help but ask straight away, cutting to the chase. Months of mixed signals and now this. I really can’t take it anymore.

“Listen, jagi.. I need to talk to you about something.” He looked away, rubbing his neck while at it. A habit of his when he’s trying to gather his thoughts together. He remained this way, not saying anything. I’ve never heard silence quite this loud, I thought anything would hurt less than the silence between us, oh how wrong I was.  

Before I could even think about what was coming out of my mouth or even come to terms with what the hell was going on, I blurted out, “Is there someone else?” the creeping thought that I have so desperately tried to push aside for months in my head finally released out of its cage.

Right after I said it I regretted it straight away. There’s a reason why I’ve been keeping it locked away in my mind, it’s because I don’t want to know and I know that the moment I acknowledge the thought, I’m making it a possible reality. I should have kept my mouth shut, I shouldn’t have blurted things out like I always do. I know the answer, without even looking at him I know it. His deep breath and heavy sigh, I know it. Straight away I can feel my heart shatter into a million pieces as he says,

“there’s someone else.”

I stood there numb, my mind blank. I can’t feel anything at all except for the deep sinking feeling of a black hole that spread from my heart, its heat consuming me whole.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to, I really didn’t. We were just friends but then one thing lead to another and I really can’t turn back and I just don’t feel the same way about us anymore.” Although his eyes tried to plead and reason with me, none of the things he’s saying to me made any sense. They were all just noise coming in from one ear and exiting from the other. “I didn’t mean to hurt you like this. To do this today of all days too. I’m sorry.”

When I finally found my voice, it came out as a squeak rather than a question “Who is she?” the faucet in my eyes pouring out despite my desperate attempts to make it stop. “How long has this been going on?”

He looked down at his shoes, ignoring my questions all together.

“So this is it? After everything? What we had, did it ever mean anything to you?” I hate myself, I can’t stop crying. Sobs and tears keep escaping me, failing all of my attempts in being strong. The black hole growing bigger and bigger by the minute as it feeds on my heartache.

“I’m sorry.” His face is now back to being stoic and cold, hard set. Such a foreign sight. I can feel him leaving me, everything we built together, slipping away. All of our plans for the future and unmade trips slipping away with him. “Goodbye.”

I can’t even bring myself to beg him or see him walk away from me as my vision blurred and swayed. I’m suddenly aware of the cold coffee in my hands, such a joke. He did not look back at me, not even as I pathetically plead with him, “stay.”

Hey everyone! Thank you so much for reading my first ever fic, I hope it was okay. Also, thanks for supporting our blog; liking and reblogging our posts all the time. It means so much to us!!

Also, requests are open so feel free to request anything, we’ll try our best to get on it as soon as possible :)


HA! Got tagged by @rosejiannahasnolife and @miaya-gekkougahara thanks pals!!

5 Things You’ll Find In My Bag:

  • Books
  • CDs of Ace Attorney soundtrack and Danganronpa soundtrack
  • Tissues (I’m often sick..I need those!)
  • Pencils
  • A notebook for my drawings

5 Things You’ll Find in My Bedroom:

  • A laptop
  • Binoculars
  • A xylophone
  • A Nintendo 2DS
  • A private diary

5 Things I’ve always wanted to do in Life:

  • Travel to Vienna (Okay that one came out preeeeeeetty recently I’ll admit)
  • Being more social with people
  • Managing to pass my first year in college this time! And not fail again!
  • Having a job (Being a teacher would be nice)
  • Travel to an English speaking country, Scotland or Ireland sound nice.

5 Things That make me Happy:

  • Having friends and chatting with them
  • Chatting with a certain special someone, like I do everyday!
  • Listening to video game music
  • Chatting or spending some time with my little brother (Like playing Danganronpa together…Gotta do that when V3 comes out)
  • Trying to make people laugh, and entertaining them

5 Things I’m Currently Into:

  • Danganronpa
  • Persona
  • Ace Attorney
  • Drawing stuff
  • Replaying some games on my computer

5 Things on My To-Do List:

  • Study
  • for the
  • Did I also mentionned study for the finals? I think I did…..

5 Things People May Not Know About Me:

I’ve spent the first 10 years of my life travelling around the world due to my father’s job.

I have my driving licence

I almost died two times at the operating table at 2 and 4 years old due to sickness

I opened my chin, broke my left arm, and my left foot, at 8, 11 and 13 years old respectively.

I’ve learned my mother’s old credit card number when I was 2 and I still remember the numbers to this day.

Guess it’s time to tag then! TAGGED! You’re at it!! Well…Don’t do it if you don’t want to of course!

I choose! @pocky-chao @doodlede88  @lucyhorsething @a-dog-in-fox-clothing @kouta282 @hopeymchope @jan69love

And I can’t really tag anyone else…They’ve already been tagged before! (Sorry if I forgot some people)

So…Have a nice day everyone!!!

I am officially done with my first year of college!

So much happened this year, I have grown even more than I ever imagined I would. I wish I could compare the version of me now to who I was this time last year. I got my heart completely broken, yet survived. I dealt with a severe injury that had me out of running for weeks. I flew across the country for WILD- which was one of the best experiences I have ever had! I am managing a relapse, it’s a struggle everyday but i am surviving. I have learned how to rely on others, open up to new people, put myself first, and get out of my comfort zone.

I am so proud of myself. There were so many days where I couldn’t imagine making it to the end of the week, but here I am- the end of the semester! Packing up to leave today made me realize how grateful I am to have roots at QU: the interesting people I’ve met, the friends that I love, my professors/mentors, and the classes I worked so hard towards. I am so incredibly fortunate for so many people and so many things in my life. 

I can’t wait to travel to Tanzania, train/work as an RA, run my first marathon (!!!!!), bring GIVE to QU, volunteer in the hospital, work in a research lab and start regularly rock climbing!! I really want to leave this world better than I have found it. I struggle every day but I know I am going to add to the world around me, and right now that is enough. The future is very bright!!

sonnenblumenmuse  asked:

NozoNico Prompt, please!! Nozomi is feeling nostalgic after her first semester at college. Cue Nico taking away Nozomi's photo stand and holding her hand. While texting the former member of Muse for a get together. After the outing, Nozomi gives Nico a passionate embrace and kiss with tears in her eyes. Nico, ever, the charmer, blushes and for once, returns the romantic gesture. "We're not alone anymore."


Pairing: Nozonico

Word Count: 2929

Bless you for finally giving me a reason to write for nozonico

Keep reading

Hey guys, it’s been quite a while since I posted something here. Despite being pretty silent, we’ve still been working on making games. I didn’t really update a lot on the social media since the beginning of this year. This is partially because our current project, at this stage, is not ready to be shown to the public yet, but the main reason is that unfortunately, my friend and only game dev teammate (he coded almost every game I designed), Matt, has been diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor.

Matt and I have met way back in 2011 during Steam’s winter sale event called “The Great Gift Pile”. He randomly added me on steam, offering me a series of unreasonable trades. After refusing all of his ridiculous offers, I was about to delete him from my friends list, but then he asked me not to. He told me that he has read some of my game reviews and thought that we shared a similar perspective when it comes to video games.

Matt then asked me what I was doing at the time, so I told him that I was attempting to make an indie game with a IRL friend of mine. Matt wanted to join in. Matt was actually a lost spirit. He quit his college in order to become a gamedev, but then he was sort of lost as to what to do. So he just practiced his programming and art hoping that one day, he can make a game all by himself. I refused his offer, but few months later, my IRL friend had to leave due to financial concerns. That’s when I remembered about Matt and asked him to join me as a programmer.

After that, we were engaged in game development almost everyday since then. At first, I was worried because I live in America, and Matt lives in Slovenia. We have never even seen each other’s faces. So I was concerned he would one day get demotivated and silently vanish like how most wannabe devs do. However, this never happened. No matter how difficult my demands were, and no matter how much I criticized his mistakes, Matt was always there to make something with me. He actually believed in me- a guy he has never seen, and worked with me for almost 4 years. When we started, we didn’t know that much about gamedev, but through all the suffering and pain, we learned a great deal.

Around last Christmas, we started a new project that has yet to be announced anywhere. It was Matt’s favorite project so far. I was also confident in my own design of it. We showed some gifs and video clips to few of the friends we knew, and they were all excited about it. Then Matt started telling me about how he is occasionally suffering from random muscle spasms and nausea. After some diagnosis, it was made clear that he was suffering a brain tumor. Having a friend who survived easily from brain tumor, I wasn’t as worried. However, few days later Matt came to me and said it’s a malignant tumor. I did some research and as I learned more, I felt something shattering in my mind. The survival rate of malignant brain tumor is around 47% at best even after a successful surgery, and that’s the most optimistic estimate. In most cases, the survival rate seems to be a lot lower.

I asked Matt what he wants to do until his surgery. I was totally ready to accept if he were to say “I will stop making games and try to do things I couldn’t do until now. I just want to enjoy my life.”, but then Matt just said:

“Well, what else? Gamedev is the only choice here”. I told Matt that if he wanted to stop, I’d understand, but he insisted that he wanted to keep going. He has been hard at work while also taking some medication since then.

Matt’s surgery is scheduled to be around next Tuesday. I wasn’t sure if I should share this to the public, so I’ve discussed with Matt to see if it’s okay with him. I think it would be nice for Matt to know before the surgery that there are people who want him to survive. He needs to know that some people are waiting for the game he had worked on to be released.

Thank for reading. Let’s all hope that he will survive through this. If you want to send a personal message to Matt, his tumblr is Please reblog and comment on this post to show your support. He used to always complain to me how I usually get all the emails and notes while he almost got none. I want to at least do this for him before the surgery.

**sorry in advance for the super long post and kudos to you if you read the whole thing also sorry for the lq pic but i love it and i look happy af in it**
Sometimes something comes along and makes you remember why you’re here. 1989 came out one year ago when I was in a position I had really never been in before. I was a freshman in college with not really any friends and I was experiencing my first real long distance relationship. I would wake up the morning wishing I didn’t. I hated what I saw in the mirror everyday and was trying to diet and work out which made me absolutely miserable. And on top of all of that, I was self harming nearly everyday or every other. I was in a position where I wanted to get better and recover from everything I had been through and was going through, but recovery is hard and was far too much work when I was trying to keep every other aspect of my life together. When I heard 1989 for the first time, I was inspired. Something about the powerful independent music made something inside of me made me want to get better. So that’s what I did. Taylor took charge of her life and made it her own instead of leaving it up to other people to decide for her. She inspired me to take charge of my own life too. I moved into my own dorm, which was a terrifying situation because I had never been completely on my own before, but I took advantage of the opportunity and started to take care of myself. I started to not want to change what I looked like, but learned to love what I am. I decided to venture outside my comfort zone. I learned that doing things alone is okay and sometimes, even good for you. I decided I didn’t want to be a “practical” major anymore and changed to being a Music Education major because if I’m going to spend 5 years at this school, I’m going to do it doing something I love to do. I dyed my hair the complete opposite color and had 9 inches of it cut off and donated. I started to not care what people said about me. I learned to be HAPPY. If you would have told me on this day last year that I would be happily living out my college years as a music major, with great friends and sorority sisters, that I wouldn’t care what I looked like, that I got rid of the long hair I would hide behind, that I would be nearly a year clean and wake up excited about life instead of wishing i didn’t wake up, I would have told you you were crazy. Incredible things can happen in a year and I’m so happy I have the music from 1989 and Taylor to thank for being where I am today. @taylorswift

Dear John,
I am going to try to tell you about our love
because you are used to poetry laced with
regret. I have been writing, “I’m alone.”
Like there wasn’t someone whispering they
need me in to every love song. My advice
would reassure someone that it gets better
yet… I am only my best when I am with you.

You have blessed me with love.
Something I thought was so too far out of
my reach that it was assumed it would
take years of therapy to teach me how to
love and you have. You have.

You make me mad at myself.
You like to think my dysfunctions are
due to things you have done.
I don’t know how to give you me or I would.
However, I am sure you are the one.

I would hate to get in
your way so I will offer breaks and
break-ups. ‘Cause I am hoping you
will stay.

You make me miss lame things
things I would pretend to be too cool. You make me miss museums, corny jokes,
long walks through busy parks, and love notes.
You make me miss you.

I am sorry I was stuck. Giving a
flying fuck going on about the past guy, the
second to last guys wrong. When you were here
all along.

You get hurt, you are scared,
you are human. You believe things
that I say and think they are just
as true. You also get insecure and
I am here for you.

I don’t expect you to see
all the good you have done for me
because I will battle you to the death
putting your needs on a shelf and you
will too because you love me and so
naturally selflessness is what love
will make you do. And you do. The least I can do
is not be selfish for you. I love you too.

Loving you is like walking into
a church after you have not been for long
God is telling you “it is okay” accompanied
by these hymns or songs. You were the bible verse,
the holy water, and the prayer I needed.
If I ever tell you, you are not.
Please don’t believe me. I am so wrong.

You make me think of things I
didn’t think could exist. Something along the
lines of a lifetime of this.

This is not for the likes or the reblogs.
I really just need you to see that we are a team.
At the end of every day, when I finally go to sleep.
All it ever is, is you and me.

—  Sunday Morning. (59/ 365)

Recently, things have been off in my everyday life, but I wasn’t quite sure what it was until today.

My life can be summed up in one word: average. I’m white, male, brown hair, brown eyes, 5 foot 8, 195 pounds. Average.

I made Cs in high school, played sports, but was never first pick. I wasn’t bad, but I wasn’t good either. Average.

I graduated in the smack middle of my class of 104. Went to community college. Studied business. Graduated again. Average.

I dated girls, some out of my league, some below me. I never made a connection with them. I wound up marrying my current wife, Avery. She’s white, brown hair, brown eyes. 5 foot 5 and 165 pounds. Average.

And now we live our life in a monotonous but familiar way. It’s not the best life, but it’s also not the worst. I go to work every morning while Avery stays home and tends the house. She recently gave birth to our third child, which in some ways is what I feel has thrown my life out of whack. The first, Junior, was my pride and joy. He was the beginning of the typical, expected family I wanted to have. Sally came second. She was the next piece of the pie.

But now that Betty has arrived, things feel wrong. Life isn’t the same. Life isn’t average anymore.

So, I decided to fix it. I even left work early to do it, which I never do.

That’s why I don’t get why Avery was screaming.

2.5 kids is the average.



Hey Taylor, 

So I never really told you my story of how I became a swiftie. so I thought it was high time to do so. So here it is :) well around 2009 I was at my cousins house and your Our Song music video came on tv and I instantly fell in love with the song and you. fun fact Our Song is still my favorite song to this day. anyways i just needed to here more of your music. so that summer we went to the beach with some family friends and the had your fearless cd, we listened to it the whole car trip down and it was amazing, its my favaorite album ever. every single song is so beautiful, you have such a cool way of expressing experiences into songs. so after the trip I went to the library and borrowed your debut and album and the fearless album. being the poor little 10 yr old i was I didn’t have any money to actually buy them. your songs were always playing and soon I my dad started listening to your music and you became our special thing. our favorite song to dance to together is Love Story. Then speak now came out and it was SO good. Me and my sister listened to it 24/7 and I literally can’t remember a time when it wasn’t playing at my house. I think thats when I really fell in love with you and your music. you were the first singer I was truly obsessed with. And I honestly couldn’t have picked a better role model. anytime anyone mentioned Taylor Swift I would go crazy haha. Then Red Came out and it was sooo good but it was a sad time because you got so much hate. around this time I made my first fanpage on instagram for you and thats when I started talking to swifties. Award show nights were my favorite bc everyone would be posting and freaking out about what you were wearing and it was just so much fun. I tried to get tickets to the Red tour but when i tried they were all sold out :(. Then the summer before 1989 was released came and you commented “you look so beautiful” on my instagram.I WAS IN COMPLETE SHOCK my idol who i have loved for the past 5 yrs just said I was beautiful, lets just say my chill was completely lost haha. then the livestream came and you released shake it off which is such a jam haha. Then October 27th came and 1989 was released, finally! It was so different from anything you had ever done but I loved it. every song was so fun to dance to but your lyrics were still so amazing and inspiring. Also this past July I got the chance to go to the DC show on the 1989 tour. BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE. it was everything i had imagined it to be and more. I went with my best friend and my parents. Me and my dad go to dance to Love Story together and that was super special. I wanted to finish by saying THANK YOU. I have always struggled with confidence and my weight, and who I am. but your music was inspiring and it helped me through so much. words can’t described what an impact you have made in my life and I am forever grateful. I am one day hoping to thank you in person but if i never get the chance, I want you to know I love you.  I loved you from the very first time i saw you on tv and i will love you forever. btw I’m 16 now and entering into my juinor year of high school. this yr i want to work really hard in school and i’m trying to play college soccer so i am also trying to practice everyday. thank you for teaching me to chase after my dreams. I can’t say it enough but I LOVE YOU TAYLOR.


Mary Alexis


Con: In response to the non confession about wanting to hear more stories about surviving the issues black women faced. I wanna say this.
In the 5th grade I first realized that I was being picked on for being too black
In the 6th grade I was constantly called “white girl”, “Oreo” and “not black”
In the 7th grade I couldn’t and rarely looked at mirrors because I thought I was so ugly.
In the 8th grade I started bleaching my skin.
In the 9th I started wearing weave regularly because I hated my hair and (I would cry when I saw my actual hair). I became a walking black stereotype because I didn’t want to continue being an Oreo….I wanted to be a real black person.
In the 10th grade I would have to stop myself from crying in a class filled with white people because “I’m literally the ugliest girl in class” and “their hair is real and mines isn’t and their hair looks good and it’s obvious mines is fake”
In the 11th and 12th grade I just hated being black PERIOD!! I wanted to be Hispanics or light skinned.
BUT….my first year of college I told myself “I’m tired of feeling tired of being black.” From that point on I told myself everyday I’m a beautiful black woman. That I won’t be stopped because I am black and I am a woman, and that I also won’t walk around hating everyone because I’ve been made to believe that NO ONE LIKES ME. I will dislike based off of personal experience and will refuse to generalize out of fear. I will work hard and will not be stopped. I will be a strong black woman. So……
After my first year of college I went natural because it finally hit me that I permed my hair hoping one day it would be long and straight like a Hispanic woman, it WASN’T no matter how hard I wished. It was time to learn to love my own hair. Best decision ever.
My second year of college… I decided I would rather take care of my skin than change it. No more bleaching. I use Aveeno products and my skin hasn’t looked more radiant and clear.
NOW… I sit in a room filled with non black women…I don’t feel insecure.
I hear black men down black women…I don’t feel phased.
I hear what people think about black women…I laugh and keep it moving.
In the end I am a happy 20 year old black woman who refuses to generalize the world as black hating rather I know there is good and bad. I won’t feel bad about how I look nor am I insecure about it. I love my hair, skin, features, body type EVERYTHING.
Sometimes it’s scary and sometimes I feel like the world is against me but you can’t keep a strong one down for long.
Instead of putting down other black women I just support and push us all to be a better version of ourselves.
I’m not lying and telling people my grandfather is mixed with Russian NO IM BLACK.
People think I’m conceited but no I just love myself way more than anyone can even fathom.
I don’t care about others and who they date and what they say because I am a new me. And I love it. I LOVE BEING BLACK!!! I DONT WANT TO BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN A BLACK WOMAN!! ITS JUST SO SAD THAT IT TOOK ME 18 YEARS TO FIGURE OUT HOW BLESSED I TRULY WAS.
How’s that for a survival story.

My withdrawal letter to my university. I was asked to post this, so here it is.

Dear Dominican University,

  I am informing you that I am officially withdrawing from your establishment. Withdrawing from Dominican University is incredibly bittersweet for me, but it is something I must do for my own well being and happiness.

 When I chose Dominican during my senior year of high school I was excited for the new chapter of my life that was starting. I was eager to attend classes and make new friends. Everyone always tells me that college will be the best four years of my life, but unfortunately my first year of college at Dominican was the worst year of my life thus far.

 I chose Dominican because it seemed to have everything that I was looking for and more; small classes, great accessibility, friendly students, and a major I loved. I was so excited about this new era of my life, until I went to the orientation session over the summer. Those two days that gave me my first real taste of Dominican were the first sign that Dominican was not a positive place. At orientation we were paired into groups with student leaders. We had a lunch and I was the first to arrive to the lunch area. Out of all the students that were in those two days of orientation, not one came and sat by me. I already had my food and moving around is hard for me with my Cerebral Palsy, so I could not get up and move to find other people to try and sit with. Not only did I sit at a table and eat my lunch alone, but none of the leaders even came to check on me until the lunch was almost over and I had already spent it by my lonesome. As we moved onto other activities with our small groups and group leaders, no one in the groups talked to me, yet they all talked to each other. I would join in on conversations and I would be ignored…and not once did the group leaders do anything to help me out even though they knew I was being excluded and I told them this. After being completely left out by my new peers during my first Dominican experience, I was mortified to start classes. If I had experienced such hurtful and rude behavior from my future peers before classes had even begun, how was I supposed to be excited to attend classes in August? I should have saved myself the heartbreak and depression and used the orientation as a warning to not continue on with Dominican once classes started.

 That rainy day at the end of August 2014, my life would change forever. Even though orientation had gone so horribly for me, I decided I would not let one unfriendly and immature group of peers stop me from attending a school that I was oh so excited about. I attended my first day of classes with my head held high and the most optimistic attitude. After only two classes on my very first day of college, I knew that choosing Dominican had been the biggest mistake of my life. Even though I was terribly unhappy and sick over having to go to school everyday, I stuck with it. Even after my first week of classes and coming home everyday in tears, I kept telling myself “You have to do this. You are stronger than this. You are too tough to let ignorant people get to you. Don’t give up your dreams on a count of other people.” The things I went through everyday in class and the feelings I felt while enrolled at Dominican are feelings and events that I would never wish upon anyone. To preface this, I want to explain my condition a little bit better. I have Cerebral Palsy. I have had it since I was born and it is very noticeable. I use a walker to get around and the way that I walk is noticeably different than the way most people walk, but other than that, I am the same as everyone else. While I have gone through my entire life having people treat me differently or make mean comments based upon my condition, I have never been treated in such a way as I was at Dominican.

 My first semester I took 4 classes (two on MWF and two on T/TH). I can honestly say that I thought I would not be able to make it through the first semester. I was the only person in my sociology class with empty seats around me and while everyone did not have “friends” to sit with, no one else was isolated like I was. I sat five rows in and in the first seat of my row. No one sat in either row directly next to me or directly in back of me. I was the only person in the entire class that had empty seats around them in every single direction and it was a fairly full class. My math class was the only class where I had someone to sit next to and someone who did not freeze me out and that is because the class was incredibly full and had no room for seats to be empty. Since people were forced to fill in the empty seats, I was able to meet the only student in the entire university that did not shut me out and actually gave me a chance. Unfortunately, my seminar and my English classes were just like my sociology class. In my seminar class there was three rows of long tables put together and the row that I sat in only had me on one end of the row and one other student all the way at the other end of the long table(meaning there was 6 whole seats between me and the next person). Every single other seat in the classroom was filled expect for those 6 seats between me and the next student. To make matters worse, my English class was the exact same way and even worse. The tables in this room were formed to make a U shape. I sat on the end of one of the long sides. Depending on the amount of people who would show up to class each day there would be anywhere from at least 2-5 seats between me and the next student, although every single other seat in the entire classroom was filled without any other empty spaces except the ones next to me.

Although I pride myself on being a strong person who does not let other people influence me, being treated in such a way by others did have a negative affect on me. Even though I was never popular in high school and I never had tons of friends, I was never excluded in such a way like I was in these classes. Not only was I treated like an undeserving individual, but in the hallways I was also snickered at and stared at on a daily basis. In my English class, other students would also shove my walker while I was hanging onto it so they could get out of the classroom faster since I was walking slowly in front of them. Experiencing this inhumane and despicable treatment during my first semester was absolutely devastating to me. I would sit in my car before class and cry in anticipation of what was to come each day during class and I would cry everyday when I got home from class as I reflected on the day and how my peers made me feel like an alien who would never belong. The most concerning thing to me is the fact that the teachers never said anything to the class about including everyone while it was blatantly obvious that I was being alienated by my classmates. “Why didn’t you speak up?”, you may ask? How could I? Why would I want cruel people to be forced to sit with me when it was sickeningly obvious that they were all leaving me out of everything.

As first semester came to a close, I looked back at all that I went through and gave myself a pat on the back for sticking it out. It took true bravery and perseverance for me to finish out the entire semester considering what I was experiencing every single day. During winter break I noticed a change in myself and my mental state.  And not only did I notice a difference in myself, but my family noticed I was not the bubbly, sociable girl that I typically was. The way the students had treated me in my classes first semester had made me scared to leave my house because I was nervous that everyone was going to treat me like that. I developed anxiety against talking to people and going to public places in fear of feeling inferior like I was feeling at school. As winter break was ending and the start of the spring semester was quickly approaching, I became physically sick about classes starting up again. Just the thought of stepping onto campus made me nauseous. Even though I was dreading the spring semester more than anything, I did not withdrawal just yet because I thought “Maybe if I give it another chance with five new classes filled with five new groups of people, it will be a better experience.” Once again, I put on a brave face and began a new semester.

 Dare I even say that second semester was worse than the first? I was treated like a rabid animal or a patient carrying the plague in all five classes, once again. That means five new sets of people all treated me as though I was inferior in society and that I was undeserving of having people sit in the same general vicinity of me. My American History class was incredibly full, so there was not very much room for leaving seats empty, however the four seats that were empty out of the entire classroom were the four seats between me and the next chunk of students. All seats were full in my CIS class, so there was no issue there, although several students in that class giggled at my physical struggles on more than one occasion. My math class had a few empty spots that were once again next to me and students in this class loved to let the door to the classroom slam in my face on the way out of class. My econ class was very full, however the seats next to me were always the very last ones to be filled. And for my communications introduction class, I once again had two empty seats on either side of me that were empty. So needless to say, if I was already upset and physically sick about how things happened first semester, I was now even more depressed than I had ever been. As the weeks rolled on the depression and anxiety I was experiencing got worse and I became unmotivated to leave the house for anything and unmotivated to do school work due to how useless my peers were making me feel. Although Dominican is a small school, I could not believe that every single class that I had taken had that many mean spirited students. The day that I took my last final was the biggest celebration day for me. The relief that washed over me as I drove away from campus is unlike any feeling that I had ever felt before; it was freedom. Freedom from feeling like I was inferior. Freedom from being laughed at. Freedom from being scared in anticipation of going to school just to be discriminated against. I was free from everyone who was bringing me down.

 Although it is the way that I was treated that is my main cause for withdrawing from Dominican University, I also have to note how bad the professors were and all of the slanted, biased, and offensive things that were stated by these educators during class. While many things that professors said rubbed me the wrong way, I believe a comment made by Professor M was by far the most insensitive comment I had ever heard come out of the mouth of a professional adult. One afternoon he was writing on the board and was trying to draw a picture to demonstrate whatever idea he wanted to explain to us. He drew his picture and then he took a step back and looked at it. He said “Look at this shitty picture. It’s like we’ve got people from ‘Jerry’s Kids’ drawing it!”. He was clearly referring to the Muscular Dystrophy organization called Jerry’s Kids. While I do not have Muscular Dystrophy and I do not personally know anyone affected by it, that comment really rubbed me the wrong way. I consider myself an advocate for people with various disabilities and conditions, so hearing that comment was alarming to me. I don’t understand how a Catholic university is allowing one of its’ educators to be making jokes such as these that are not only incredibly offensive, but extremely uncalled for. Professor B struck a nerve with me on the very first day of second semester. I was the first one in class and took a seat on the end of one of the rows of computers. Everyone else filed into the classroom and sat nowhere near me, like in every other class as I had mentioned before. Once class started, he came up to me and loudly said, “You cannot sit here, you have to move.” I said, “Right now?” He replied, “Yes, the rule is that you can’t sit alone and you chose to sit away from everyone so I need you to move otherwise if you get lost while we are doing an assignment you will have no neighbor to help you.” First off, I did not choose to sit alone, it was not my fault that everyone else filled up all of the other seats that were all away from me. Second, he didn’t care that I was alone, he just wanted me to sit by someone so I could ask them for help and not bother him, which I figured out later in the semester. I said to him, “Can I please move tomorrow? It is hard for me to get up and down.” He said, “Why?” I then pointed at my walker. He shrugged in confusion. I then said. “I have a disability and it is very hard for me to keep getting up and moving. Can I please move tomorrow?” He said, “I suppose.” This whole exchange took place in front of the entire class, so naturally I was very embarrassed. His insensitive attitude continued throughout the semester when he asked me, “What did you do to your legs?” and then later asked, “Have your legs healed yet?” I had bad anxiety about going to his class everyday because I never knew what insensitive remark he would make towards me.

  After dragging myself through two full semesters of torture at Dominican University, I can see that the mission statements you advertise could not be farther from the truth. “Caritas Veritas” was something I never experienced during my time at Dominican. The university prides itself on “love and truth” when all I felt from my peers was hate and I was taught lies from my professors. Dominican’s mission is to “maintain a just and humane campus for all”, which cannot be maintained when it is not even there to begin with. If Dominican University really did maintain and “just and humane campus for all”, I would not be writing this letter. As I said, I consider myself as an advocate for people with disabilities. Part of this is motivational and educational speaking that I do at local schools as a job. After speaking at schools, I get back so much positive feedback from both administrators and students about how my speech helped them to understand people with differences better and what to say and not say to people who have a disability. Administrators tell me that what I say impacts the students and the way they treat others. Sometimes all people need is some education on things they may not understand or have closed their minds off from. If the university really wants to “maintain a just and humane campus for all”, they need to consider having someone like me speak to and educate both students and staff on disability awareness in order to have a just and humane campus.

 The more I write about my experience at Dominican, the more closure and freedom I feel. For the last couple of months I was trying so incredibly hard to repress the events that took place while I attended Dominican, but I was not able to truly feel at peace until writing this. No one deserves to feel how I felt while at Dominican. No one deserves to be isolated, ignored, disrespected, discriminated against, or feel like they are unworthy of having people acknowledge them. Now that I am done at Dominican University, I can be free to find a place where I am respected, cared about, and treated like any human being should be treated. While this is very bittersweet for me, it is the best move I have ever made for myself and I have no regrets. I will use this experience as inspiration for more of my public speaking and advocacy and hopefully I can use my negative experience to make a positive change in the world.


Dayna Marie Dobias

A year ago if you asked me if I planned on running cross country I would’ve replied, “No way, they don’t even do 5ks anymore they do 6ks! That’s way too hard!” This weekend I finished my first collegiate cross country season at our regional championships. To think I’d be able to come this far in a year let alone even run cross country in college amazes me everyday. Sticking with it was probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and I can’t wait to see what’s in store the rest of this year. 😁❤️🐾💪🏼🏃🏼


REQ FROM ANON: Can you please make a story about Sasuke being a CEO/boss of a company and Sakura applying for a job in Sasuke’s company. then Sasuke takes interest in her, thinks that Sakura is the most beautiful woman he ever seen & start flirting or something. I know it’s cliché but you gotta love clichés! I know it’s too much, but can you please make it in Sasuke’s POV. please add a lemon to it!!!

I love boss/secretary and I’m actually working on a multichap fic during the summer, so stay tuned (check FF: I may possibly post on Tumblr as well)

Enjoy! (M for lemon)

She was flawless.

I felt myself ready to explode right then and there, even before I had gotten a piece of the amazing gift Sakura was finally giving to me.

“Sasuke…kun,” she whispered, her voice hoarse. She reached up for my face and caressed my cheeks.

“Yes, love?” I asked. I noticed her bare breasts heaving rapidly up and down, and wanted to take them into my mouth so, so badly. I could tell she was nervous. She didn’t have to be; not with me.

“I’ve never done this before,” she said. Realizing what she had just said, her eyes widened. “I mean, I’ve had a boyfriend and stuff, and I’ve gone to third base, but it’s never gotten to—“

I put a finger to her lips and smiled. “You don’t have to be scared. I’m going to protect you and make you feel good. Do you trust me?”

I saw her smile in relief. It was one of the purest, yet sexiest things I’d ever seen.

“I trust you.”

Keep reading

My Hatter

Title: Mad

Chapter No./One Shot: One Shot

Author: imjustadisaster

Original Imagine: Imagine Loki going with you to get your first tattoo done

Rating: PG

Warning/Notes: Touches the subject of death and the afterlife.

Today was the day, today you would be getting your first tattoo and you were excited. You had the tattoo already sketched out and colored in, you knew what you were going to get, you knew for a while now. What was holding you back? You didn’t want to go alone, the only person who would go with you…well that’s a story for another time, now isn’t it? Running a brush through your hair, you quickly get yourself ready for the day, running around your room like a rabbit on crack.

“Will you clam down!” His voice made you jump and freeze mid run.

Looking over at the bed you smile, “I will not,” you giggle and go back to running around. “Have you seen my shoes?” you question looking around in your closet.

Keep reading

quarter life crisis

I’m having a sad day. Life is getting more complicated everyday. Reality is harsh and it’s about to smack me in the face and I’m scared. And I’m getting so damn sentimental driving around this town. In a month, I’ll be walking across a stage to get my diploma. In a month, I’ll be changing the history of my family. I’ll be the first one to graduate from college, and that really is wonderful.

You know, I’ve always said that I want to be someone who is content in every season–never stuck in the past or yearning for the future, but uniquely present-minded. College better not be the best years of my life. I want every year I’m in to be the best because I want to choose a mindset that doesn’t think back to the glory-days but chooses to see the glory in the day I’m living. And though that goal I’ve set for myself still sounds beautiful, I’m having a lot of trouble adapting to it’s philosophy. Because I don’t know what happens after May 10th. It’s like there’s a drop-off and summer is going to feel like falling and I don’t have a clue where I’ll land. I feel like I’m about to go through a mid-life crisis, and that is ridiculous because I’m only 22. And I know I sound pitiful and like I’m overreacting, but I just feel so disenchanted by the future because it looks nothing like how I thought it would a couple months ago.

At least I know who I am and who I want to be. At least I love a man who loves me back. At least I am healthy and have the means for all my basic needs. But the grown-ups are telling me it doesn’t get any easier and I guess I don’t care about easy, I want beauty. I don’t care about difficulty, I just want direction. I am young but so sad; thankful but so afraid. 

• After the help of my family, we’ve convinced my dad to let me stay here in MN for the summer to take classes. (YAY!)
• I’m also currently torn about choosing between two different lab assistant jobs as well.
• One is with the organ transplant clinic and another is in genetics and cell development.
• They both pay well but I’m not sure if I’m qualified enough and I’m scared of rejection.
• I’ll be staying busy with chemistry classes everyday and hopefully a part time lab assistant job.
• Everything’s been happening so quickly.
• My first year of college is nearly over and it’s so hard to believe.
• I’ve learned so much about myself this year.
• Though it’s been rough, this has been the best year of my life.
• Friday is mine and Nathan’s six month anniversary.
• We’re going back to the restaurant where we had our first ever date.
• Which happened spontaneously on a rainy Thursday because all the dining halls were closed.
• He’s been the best thing to ever happen to me in a very long time.
• I have so much to figure out yet but I’m excited to see where the rest of my life takes me.

anonymous asked:

Okay so I just started drawing and I am literally starting at level one here. I've never had any art classes. I don't know how to do anything at all. I'm not even sure how to draw shapes anymore. Is there anything you can recommend for absolute beginners? Because my skill level right now is just slightly above enraged one year old with some crayons.

Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply! 

To absolute beginners, just draw. It’s totally normal to be really bad when you first start. Art is trial and lots and lots and lots of error. You’re likely going to be dissatisfied or frustrated at times, but push through it and keep drawing! The biggest key to improve at drawing is actually drawing.

If you have trouble with controlling your hand there are various exercises you can do. When I took a drawing class in college everyday at the start of class the teacher would have us take a colored pencil and draw lines on a sheet of paper, making the line in one stroke and varying the pressure so that the line stars thick becomes as thin as it can and then becomes thick again. There are other such exercises you can try, such as this, so feel free to look around online for more!

In general, draw what you like or draw various things to find what you like, draw from your imagination and from around your or from photos, draw characters you like or people you know, etc.. When you’re first starting out I think it’s important to have fun first and foremost, because associating drawing with having fun is what will help motivate you to draw often and drawing often will bring improvement (although it may not be noticeable right away). 

When you’re striving to improve, study and use references. Look at things around you and try to draw them, look at references or photos and notice how this or that works, look at others’ art and try to see how they do things or look at tutorials and walk-throughs to see exactly what they do and try it out yourself. Everything you see can be learned from. With art studying means drawing something a lot or spending time drawing something in order to learn from it. For example, a color study could mean replicating something, like a photo, with focus on the color rather than shape or details. As another example, anatomy study could be looking through medical textbooks and drawing the muscles and bones to understand the structure of the body or drawing various models from photos. There are countless ways to learn and tons of resources all over the internet, so don’t be afraid to seek them out. 

I hope this helps! 

Invisible, part one

Hi guys!

Okay so basically I decided to start a MCU fanfic. There will be a love interest, but the first part is only the introduction, so no fluff for the moment. My first language is not English, so please don’t judge if there are errors. You can always message me and I’ll try to fix them. Also, i’m in college, so i won’t be posting everyday but i’ll try posting a new fic each week. If you have any suggestions as for what i could add to the fanfic, please message me! I’m sorry for that awfully long intro, the fic is under that picture.

Word count: 3537

Warning: none, except maybe swearing.

Pairing: the reader X the Avengers 

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Hiiiii, so this is my first follow forever and i decided to make one for my mutuals on this blog and on my liam blog bc i follow wonderful people :):) Thanks for being here, y'all make my dash beautiful everyday! I LOVE YOU GUYS ❤❤ (ps. sorry if i dont use my liam blog a lot but well college…)

Also thanks to my followers i love you sooooo much (for the people who have followed me on this blog for a while thanks for still being here im sorry :/ haha)

{ bolded ones are my favs + sam and maria are on italics bc i’ve know them for a few years and they’re amazing 💋 }

aliarico, blwlstuff, ex-ta-tic, fakeasspayne, footielouie, fuckboyseguin, glitterypayne, harrehw, harryniips, hipstatease, liampavnes, liamperfxctliamsstylesyliamziamzayn, liaympayne, loyallyliams, markacrossmyheart, matyhealys, niallslarry, ohhhmylouis, oopshibye, paynegram, paynekink, paynelovers, paynempire, payneobsessed, paynesmoke, prncepayne, probliams, sugarpappi, tonguemeliam, umhiilike5sos1d, unholyversed, w-itchwoman, worshipliam, yelchinn, yesziam, ziamkilam

Have a happy christmas and a happy and amazing new year i wish you the best!! 😁💕