the filthy dib


           OH, that miserable, squalid, FILTHY, HIPPO-HEADED DIB !! He made the very blood in Zim’s veins boil with rage! He would see– when Zim was firing the first volley in Earth’s organic sweep from the massive, he’d make certain that filthy hair monster was right there beside him to watch the pathetic planet he’d fought so tirelessly to protect reduced to smoldering ash and– and… stuff. He would see then! Oh, the seeing he would do.

           His antennae snapped and twitched under his wig in his irritation as his standard-issue boots hit the sidewalk, his whole body rigid with irritation as he stalked down the street toward his base– curse that infuriating Earth monkey for getting under his superior green skin! Today’s latest offense the meat smell had incurred against him had been raising his hand and answering a question that Ms. Bitters had already quite explicitly called on ZIM to answer ; which had left the Invader quite steamed, even after class had been dismissed and the schoolchildren were all littering the streets outside the learning facility, ready to begin the trek back to their respective hovels. But Zim remained rooted to his spot on the sidewalk, trembling with the force of his outrage. The sheer nerve of that stinking – he was not Zim!! It had been ZIM’s question to answer, ZIM’S !! Vile, wretched, horrible little –

            –But just as his exceptional brain prepared to pour into another tirade of hate and doom, a sharp scream that sounded somewhat akin to the cry of a slor beast seized his attention. His antennae struck up straight above the line of his pompadour wig to catch the vibrations and survey the source– ascertaining the sound had come from the left, he whirled around to catch the massive bulk of the vehicle rounding the corner, and the sharp stalk of the Dib beast’s hair disappeared behind the hard lines of the machine. It certainly wasn’t the first time he’d seen an Earth vehicle before– but given the trajectory and the current speed, it was clear that unlike the others passing through the crosswalk, this one wasn’t going to be stopping– at least not in time. The Dib human would undoubtedly be destroyed. Good. A fortunate turn of events in Zim’s favor. He would no longer have to worry about –

             The click-whir of PAK legs deployed with a scrape against the pavement, and suddenly there was a horrible din– the sound of crunching metal and blaring horns and screaming children a cacophony of horror in the air. Zim’s chest rose and fell in deep, even breaths as he fought to ascertain his surroundings, static buzzing in his mind, muffling the thoughts he’d had a firm grasp on only moments ago – why couldn’t he recall them now? The garish yellow paint of two parallel lines running under his feet gave him pause. –the street? But, he’d been on the sidewalk only a moment ago. And why were his feet braced apart from one another? A familiar glow from his peripheral eyesight derailed his train of thought and he glanced up to note with sudden confusion and just a prick of panic that his proton phasers had been deployed in public, the high-pitched whine of the blasters still humming from the discharge. Slowly, he lifted his gaze in a realization that made his spooch bottom out– the Earth vehicle had disappeared …rather, all that remained of it was a vicious scorch mark in the pavement. The rapid wheezing at his back alerted him to the deplorable presence at his heels… that horrible Dib was there in the street behind him, and it was with no small amount of horror that the full realization of what had happened dawned on the Irken –not only had he senselessly thrown himself out in front of the Dib creature and placed himself between the Earth slug and his impending squishing–

           …he had deployed his phasers and completely vaporized an Earth vehicle in BROAD DAYLIGHT.