the feels feels

anonymous asked:

The part of the interview where Louis says he doesn't feel he's earned the status and wealth when compared to the average working class man, just makes me understand more why he does so much charity work, often anonymously and we only find out when the recipients come out to thank him. He donates his money & time, sponsors kids parties, families to stay at nice hotels & watch their concerts, or trips to Disneyland. Louis is trying to share his good fortune with others less fortunate and in need.

3

Just kiss him, already.

With @thekoreanpineapple‘s Altean Wedding suits because I can’t design clothes for shit.

tadhdfw you spent so long not knowing about rsd that you legitimately started to wonder if you have a personality disorder bc the fear of rejection colors so much of your behavior and having it flare up feels a lot like how people describe splitting. but now that you know it could be “just an adhd thing” you dont know what to do with this part of yourself. why didnt anyone tell me adhd can get THIS BAD

The thing about being diagnosed with depression at 19 is everyone tells you “being sad sometimes is normal” and that it will pass, fear of mental health issues makes people want to convince you that all the emotions you are (or aren’t) feeling are normal. However that’s not the case so despite good intentions it does no good to act as if it’s normal. For a long time I was scared of getting the help I needed because of the stigma that would come with an actual diagnosis or “labeling” as my mother puts it. I’m glad I finally overcame that fear in order to work on doing better for myself.

when depression first made a home of me in elementary school, i had a friend who took my hands and held me tightly as she said, “hang in there. better days are coming.”

she was right. i have had days, weeks even, where there’s a spring to my steps, where i am confident and lighthearted and clearheaded. i have had days where i am simply happy, and i think, i am so glad to have lived to see such days.

i think of my friend, and the way her small hands gripped mine, when depression starts gardening in my mind again. everything dies. all my thoughts turn to suffocating black smoke and i can only cry to try to stop the burning in my throat. better days are coming, i remind myself, but i don’t believe it. i can’t see it. living is a marathon, and i am exhausted. there are often days where my dog is the only thing that keeps me going, and in my darker moments, i don’t know if i’m grateful for that or not.

but. better days are coming. i say it over and over and over until i could maybe believe it, because it is the only kindness to be found in this awful mindset. and i will take whatever light i can find, however little there may be.