the feeling of not caring anymore

Do you guys ever wake up in the morning with an ocean of tears behind your eyes and all you want to do is cry for hours. Not because you’re sad or miserable; just because. For a reason unknown. Maybe it is because I’m depressed and miserable, I just don’t know what it feels like anymore to feel otherwise, besides, I’ve always had this condition. It is almost as if I have found peace in accepting my state of misery and loneliness. I’m just ranting here..

I hope you all are doing “ok”. I may just be a blogger but I genuinely care about all of you who follow me. You all sort of feel like family.. as if our condition creates a bond within us that keeps us together. Who knows the reason. Do we ever truly know anything for its actual reality? I don’t think so at least. After all, most truths seem to make sense when we are only speaking with ourselves..

I hope you all have a wonderful day. I love you all

- Promethean Dread 🥀💕

It’s gotten to a point where I just don’t care anymore about anti feelings regarding sangbum. It’s kinda the same reason why I became anti anti in the first place. Regardless of whether I’m shipping sangbum or not they’re still gonna talk about me and give me shit so who tf cares. They sent me death threats when I swore that I only read ks for the horror and didn’t ship sangbum so whatever. I like sangbum. They have interesting chemistry and I hope Sangwoo slams Bum against a wall and pound him until his pelvis breaks.

Hey y'all. I’ve been inactive for a few weeks now. Just letting anyone who cares to know, that I’m still here and I’m still alive. I’ll check tumblr every once and awhile. I may not post much anymore and I really don’t know when I’ll fully return to this site. To be honest it doesn’t feel as welcoming anymore to be here. That may change. I don’t know who will read this and who won’t but I did enjoy the kindness that was shown to me while I was on Tumblr. Thank you.

anonymous asked:

i wish that people who make and use whitewashing mods or art understood how upsetting it can be for fans of color... it tells me that they either hate darker skin, want everyone in their game to be white, or they just don't care enough to respect the character's original race. not sure which is worse, but it is isolating and upsetting. it makes me not want to play the games or check tumblr anymore. sorry for the rant, i just feel hurt everytime i'm forced this stuff normalized (which is daily).

You should never apologize for ranting about it or feeling this way. 

In this case, I think some people have no idea Suvi is not white so I genuinely wonder if they’re actively trying to whitewash her or if they just believe she’s white. It’s still not okay, it’s not an excuse… But it’s a general problem in Mass Effect. We had this issue with Ash and Kaidan and Bioware making them whiter in ME3, so much that some people still believe they’re not POC.
Or it’s used as an excuse. I’ve seen some really ugly comments from so-called nice and respectable people in the fandom who were really obsessed about their fav being white. So yeah. I can see how upsetting and isolating it might be. I wish there was a way to make those people understand and stop. I do think talking about it helps. I know I ask myself a lot “is this whitewashing or not?” when I look at fanart and that’s something I didn’t use to do before. People talking about it made me more aware of the problem. Doesn’t change the hurt you feel though :/

anonymous asked:

so, this guy I was feeling kept saying sweet things to me. like telling me i'm someone he needs in life, someone perfect for him, I'm cute, down to earth, that I should take care of him. that was charming but the whole time I thought it was too good to be true. he was sweet for that but is he sincere ya feel me? wish men would be more genuine. cause this guy don't talk to me anymore after I said no to chilling with him one night ):

Your typical fuccboy, he was just tryna get in your pants & failed miserably cause you shut him down & good thing you did, if he was genuinely into you he wouldn’t have cut you off for not wanting to chill that’s childish & it just shows he only wanted you for his convenience

anonymous asked:

YES PLS. TELL US ABOUT YOU. Like your name, where you're from, what fandoms you're in, how long you've been writing, and your favorite content/characters to write! But tbh whatever you wanna share is fine! Also, would you mind eventually making your links available thru the app too? Thanks, looking forward to seeing your post! ❤

OKAY SO HERE WE GO

but BEFORE WE START SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO MAKE LINKS AVAILABLE ON THE APP IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT BUT IM LOST 

I dont feel comfortable giving out my name because of a long story that when i finally do tell yall, yall will laugh lol. Please call me mod, or whatever tbh. I wont care. 

Im from a “village” in Wisconsin, I don’t live there anymore I moved to an actual city when I was about 5. But the lil village I’m from didn’t have a grocer or a single stop light.. Granted the next town over which was like 5 minutes away had a grocer, a pharmacy but now that I’m thinking about this the nearest hospital had to have been like 25 minutes away maybe im crazy, anyways. We had like a dairy queen, a school that every kid walked to, a few other little family resturants (like the packer inn oh my god the food is so greasy but its so good i cry, or Binanti’s taste of Italy IM CRYING THEY HAVE THE BEST PASTA EVER)  I lived there with my Busha and my dad until my Busha died and we went to live with my mom and the rest of my siblings.

I’m a libra and I’ll be twenty in a month!!! I’m actually excited for once lol 

I’m in a lot of fandoms i suppose. I want to say im in the Haikyuu, Fullmetal Alchemist, Naruto and Tokyo Ghoul fandoms. 

My favorite characters ever are Hohenheim from FMA:B, Uta from Tokyo Ghoul (he’s literally my absolute favorite i’d die for him okay), Itachi, Orochimaru, Sasuke, Shinji and Grimmjow from Bleach, and Feitan from HxH

I’ve been writing for about 7 years now, the first piece I ever wrote was for the One Direction fandom,,, it was with Niall in case you were wondering. 

I work as a supervisor/pharmacy tech at one job and i work for a different company that deals with stuff online at night. I hate the first job lol, i hate every single person i work with and i can’t wait to quit there. 

I’m learning Polish, Japanese and Spanish. I’d like to say I’m fluent in spanish since i’ve been learning it since I was six but I don’t want to say that because there are still things I dont know. I don’t like knowing this many languages because I’ll somehow forget the word in English and I will only be able to think of the word in a different language. After I learn these ones I want to learn a dead language for the extra challenge. pls wish me luck.

I love playing video games. My favorite games are SSBB, LoZ: OOT, GTA, and Starcraft 

I like writing for every one at different times and i like all kinds of different content. 

If yall wanna know what I look like i dunno what to tell yall. I could post a selfie for .5 seconds and then delete it but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I hope this was enough info about me for yall, and again if you have a specific question don’t be afraid to send it in! 

Types of people you deserve in your life:

- kind friends who care deeply about you, love to spend time with you, keep your secrets and don’t talk badly of you behind your back. they make you loved and worthy of love.

- compassionate people who understand your secret problems and flaws. they support you without judgement, don’t abandon you and help you get better. they stay with you until the storm is over.

- patient people who don’t get angry or frustrated easily. they teach you things, whether it’s life lessons or math problems. they aren’t tired of explaining things over and over until you understand. you aren’t afraid of making mistakes anymore.

- fun spontaneous people who are always up for an adventure, whether it’s going to a coffee shop or their house to binge watch movies. there’s less time to lock yourself in bad thoughts, and they give you days to look forward to.

- people that inspire you. you admire their qualities, whether it’s intelligence, dedication, kindness or strength. they make you want to change your life and be a better person.

- people that feel like home. you could be doing nothing and it would still be comfortable. there’s something about them that makes you feel ok again. as long as they’re there, life doesn’t seem so hard anymore.

WHY I LOVE U

Venus in Aries: I heard your laughter before I saw you. And then I couldn’t take my eyes off you. And after everyone had gone home we were still running around, or you were running I was just trying to keep up. You work hard, play hard and love even harder, but you like to try on a couple of sizes before you find the right fit. It’s the way you make me laugh at the most ludicrous things, the way you know exactly what you want and are not afraid to go and get it. You make me feel like anything is possible. Our love was like a tickle war turned makeout session, and I still remember the heat when our skin touched. There will never be anyone like you. 

Venus in Taurus: Being with you is like coming home. Like a perfect dream. Like lavender candles and cuddling up to a marathon of our favourite show. You kissing me between every episode. You don’t like playing games and you don’t like being rushed when falling in love. You take your sweet time, worshipping my body and my mind so my heart can’t help but follow. I remember those lazy Sundays, strolling through the furniture store, your hand in mine and we would pretend to decorate our future house. But all we came out with were more lavender candles and a burning lust for each other. You turn the mundane into something truly magical. 

Venus in Gemini: You drive me crazy, I never know where we stand. We spend the most incredible nights together and then I don’t hear from you in forever. Maybe that’s your style, you wanna look me in the eyes and not read my words on your phone. We sit for hours and people watch, making up backstories for them. When I’m with you I have no sense of time, all I can think about is your mischievous smile and the way you play with my hair. Your love is all-consuming, like nothing in the world matters to you more. With you my sense of reason is completely clouded, I’m yours for the night and every other night. If you’ll have me. 

Venus in Cancer: My hero, my sensitive babe. Your heart on your sleeve, that look in your eyes and I was yours forever. When you kissed me I could see our lives flashing before my eyes. Sitting on opposite sides of the sofa. Your nose in a book but your hand on me, like you needed to be connected to me or else you’d die. Every time you catch me staring at you I can’t help the grin on my face. You are fragile and strong, creating this protective space around us where we can just be together. I love how you’re not afraid of your feelings, and how you already named our kids even though we need to discuss it lol. You make it feel so real, like you are the missing piece of the puzzle. 

Venus in Leo: I remember the first time I met you, it all happened so fast. At a party, my friend introducing you and before I knew it your arms were around me. I remember melting into your hug, and the electricity in the air when we finally let go. Everyone else thought it was weird but we both knew, there was no turning back. Being with you feels like running through a field of flowers, faster and faster. Your laughter and your moans echo in my head. My legs feel like giving out but your hand refuses to let go of mine. It’s that smile after you say something clever, and they way you make me feel like it’s just me and you versus the world. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this loved. 

Venus in Virgo: You make me feel whole. Driving down the freeway blasting our songs, I can’t sing but you don’t care. Your hand on the stick shift and for some reason I got all hot inside. It’s the way you wrap your arms around me at the checkout line, like I’m yours and you don’t care who knows. You’re thoughtful and observant, you make me feel like I matter to you. And it’s not an act, you are actually that kind. I’m trying so hard to describe you, but all I can think about is that night when my family fell apart. You drew a bath with bubbles and you held me until the water went cold. Then we ate raspberries (my favourite) and watched Modern Family. And then you loved me until I didn’t feel like I was falling apart anymore. I think that describes you more than words ever could. You’re the one I see sitting next to me on our porch doing a crossword puzzle, in our old bodies. But it doesn’t scare me because your spirit is forever young. 

Venus in Libra: Being in love with you is so easy. Our first date was to the movies. You gave me a red poppy and held my hand the entire time, gently playing with my fingers. My heart was about to beat out of my chest but somehow I was calm, because you were. I love the way you talk so easy, with that breezy confidence. Like you’d never tell me a lie. The way you were charming and kind to everyone from the bus driver to the server at the pizza shop. After talking to each other all night in the park, it was the only place that was still open. My mum still asks about you. I think she loved you more than I did, and that’s saying something. 

Venus in Scorpio: God, the way you tear me apart and then put me back together. Over and over again. You of all people know that life isn’t always chocolates and roses. You’re not afraid of the ugliness of human nature, instead you try to find the silver lining, the beauty in the madness. You demand that I’m honest with you, and in turn you trust me with your own secrets. It created a bond beyond love, or maybe it was love. It just felt different, like it was based in reality and not a love story. You’ve seen me at my worst and still think I’m beautiful, because you see people’s souls. Nobody can hide their true nature from you for you are an expert of reading between the lines. Your animalistic passion penetrates deep, and everything becomes a haze of lust and obsession. Because if you’re not obsessed it’s just not worth it. I would trust you with my life, because you would sacrifice your own for the one you love. 

Venus in Sagittarius: We had just gotten comfortable on the top of the mountain we climbed when you hit me with “Do you think out of seven billion that some people have the same personality?” And you packed my favourite sandwich, tomato, mozzarella and basil. A moment of breathless kisses and triumph. Your strength made me feel strong too, and your devotion made my heart swell. You never stand still but it doesn’t matter, because you take me with you and always make sure I’m alright. You make me feel included, showing me off and introducing me to all your friends. I’ve never felt more proud than when I’m standing next to you. When you told me how much you loved me I knew it was true. 

Venus in Capricorn: The true romantic. What drew me in was that calm stare, you looked like trouble I swear I was gonna faint on the spot. You could keep up with me, and when you took my hand and said “Trust me?” I somehow believed you. But what made me fall for you was how you kept all your promises. Your presence is honest and true, the way you make me feel like I would never be alone, like I would always have a friend. I love falling asleep in your arms to your heartbeat. You’re gentle with me, I can feel your love in every touch. Your love made me believe I could do anything, because I knew you would stick by my side. If I asked you to. 

Venus in Aquarius: Keep it cool, that’s how you roll. Almost untouchable, but you let me touch you. It was like the seasons changed in seconds. You finished that last drop of champagne and said “Let’s get wet”, then we jumped in the pool. And then you kissed me. It felt like breathing underwater, I don’t even think you live in the same world as the rest of us. I texted you at 2 a.m. and you didn’t hesitate. Trapped between your body and the wall, your lips on my neck and I was already in heaven. I never thought you loved me back, until you showed up on my doorstep, whiskey on your breath and tears in your eyes. After that I never doubted you, because I knew then that your love was more than words. 

Venus in Pisces: With you it’s all about the moment, and moments with you are plush and whimsical. Like sitting on a cloud. You are still the only person to ever write me a poem. And when you asked me if I liked it, how you let me see your vulnerable side even though the look in your eyes was sheer terror, you were brave. I was at loss for words so I just kissed you deeply. You see the beauty in the little things, like asking me about what I dreamt last night or giving me cupid earrings so they could whisper sweet nothings in my ear when you’re not around. Your love is poetic, you actually think of me and what makes me happy. Whenever you see something that reminds you of me you always let me know. I can’t help but think how lucky I am to be so cherished.

any post about a “group chat” just reminds me of how it feels like everybody in the world already has their little group of friends and i’m just kinda constantly floating in and out of people’s outer circles, so even if they consider me their friend they’d be just fine without me since they have so many people they like more than me

How dan and Phil probably broke up #56
  • Phil: Dani Snot On Fire

I feel like I need to say something right now, if only because it’s more productive than lying in bed crying and feeling helpless.

Before I begin, I should mention in advance that, due in part to having ADHD, I have genuine difficulty putting my thoughts together in a concise manner, which can lead to very long posts.  I understand if that puts anyone off from reading further, as I’m not even sure I know how to express what I’m feeling right now.

As a person, I was raised to be open-minded.  I’ve never known any other way to be.  I come from a highly LGBT-positive (bisexuality runs on my mother’s side of the family, and my godfather is gay), Democratic family that allowed me to express myself however I wanted, and consume whatever media I wanted (I’ve been watching horror films since I was a toddler, and I’ve been allowed to have facial piercings since age 16, and wear whatever I chose).  My immediate family is comprised of people that have known abuse, and overcome it (rape, CSA, alcoholism).  We have also been familiar with poverty.  The state we live in–where I’ve spent my entire life–had never gone red until this past election.

Having been born in 1983, I was alive through most of the presidency of one of the absolute worst leaders to ever take office: Ronald Reagan.  I lived through both Bush administrations.  I remember the “Satanism Scare”, the original backlash against violent video games, and 90′s “political correctness”.  The AIDS epidemic had barely begun.  PSAs aimed at children did their damndest to try to reverse the fact that drug use had become “fashionable” in the 80′s, and they practically beat us over the head with them during every commercial break while watching our Saturday morning cartoons.  I have seen a lot of bullshit (meaning that I have a lot to compare our current situation to), and always–always–I thought it was from the “bad” guys.  The “other” people, with the “wrong” values.

In less than five years, I’ve come to see that bullshit doesn’t only come from one “side”.  I’ve become disenchanted with the groups I had placed my faith and trust in for most of my life.  I’ve found myself disappointed and irritated with many actions done in the name of the things I believe in.  I feel as though we’ve reached critical mass, and that the people I thought were on my side–the “good guys”–bear more responsibility for it than any of them will ever admit.

Can I just ask when the FUCK so many of us on the left turned into the equivalent of yesterday’s paranoid WASP soccer moms and religious zealots?  When did we become the racists, sexists, and bigots, pretending those labels don’t apply to us just because they’re aimed at “the other” demographics?  And when I say “us” on the left, I’m really not so sure I even want to be here anymore, because it’s become a shamefully toxic and manipulative environment where people actually try to justify threats of death and violence over inane, pointless things that mean fuck all to the world at large.  I sure as hell don’t want to be a “right-winger” (because, remember–I was taught those were the “bad guys”), so where does that leave people like me?  In the mindset of “You’re either with us, or against us”, being fair and objective isn’t allowed.

When Trump became president, our news media and college campuses became rife with cries of “fascism”.  Where?  An overcooked yam in a suit that’s (rightfully) been the center of derision and mockery since he became involved in the election?  THAT’S what’s threatening you??  I’m sorry, have you never read about the shit Reagan pulled?  If you want to know what legitimate fascism is, go talk to someone that lived through Ferdinand Marcos’ rule in the Philippines.

Let’s establish something here: Those neo-Nazis were always here, BUT they had been shamed into hiding.  Suddenly, people were throwing the terms “Nazi” and “fascism” around, and these people started feeling more comfortable.  Those on the left started advocating for violence to combat mere differences of opinion, and white supremacists felt even more comfortable, because they were being shown that their methods were now socially acceptable.

People on the LEFT created the ideal environment for these people to crawl out of the woodwork, and feel like their belief system is validated and justified.  People on the LEFT spouted needless hatred, and gave these political cretins something to point to and say, “See?  We were right all along!”.  People on the LEFT willingly handed them the kind of antisocial behavior they’ve been dreaming of.  

We’re now all experiencing the consequences.  If the Democratic Party had given Bernie Sanders the nomination, he would have steamrolled the election, and you all know it.  Then where would the “fascism” be?  Still hiding.  Cowering.  Not a single soul would be throwing that word around right now.  And no one’s willing to admit that maybe–just maybe–the Democratic candidate we were given could have been the problem.  We’ve created an environment where criticism is not allowed against certain people, which makes it so much easier for our trust to be abused.

And it is being abused.  We are approaching legitimate fascism, and it’s coming from the complete opposite end of the political spectrum.  This is where the careless throwing around of serious terms comes into play, as even the slightest criticism is enough to have a person labeled “alt-right”, or even “a Nazi”.  All this does is make actual neo-Nazis and white supremacists believe they have more company and support than they actually do.  If you’re not ashamed and embarrassed as hell about all of this, then, well…you’re probably not the type that’s even read this far in the first place.

I don’t know what else I can say that I haven’t said in pieces before.  All I can say is that I’ve lost faith in a lot of people.  Nearly ALL people.  And for someone that used to be very cheerful and social, I feel as though a part of me has been taken away.  Many of us are forced to be distrustful, even when we’ve nothing to hide.  When the bar for what is deemed “socially unacceptable” keeps being lowered, how long before it reaches you?  And when will the limit end on what we consider “hate speech”?  When you turn valid criticism against needless violence into “hate speech”, how long before it reaches those “vent posts” and “critical” blogs?  Because I’ve legit seen someone use the term “hate crime” because someone else didn’t ship the same two fictional video game characters together, and if you think those things are comparable, you are completely proving my point.

Risking it all in a glance

“Draco… Draco.” 

His father’s voice sounded strained, almost like a scared whisper. He hesitantly stretched out his arm, his hand balled into a fist. Draco swallowed hard as several heads turned towards him, watched him. He was sure they all expected him to walk across the courtyard without hesitation. It was where he belonged after all.

All these years he had done as his father had said. He hadn’t defied him once. But now, everything in him screamed to stay where he was, not to go to his father. It came too late. What was the point in defying him now?

Harry Potter was dead. There was no hope left.

“Draco.”

Draco’s eyes darted to his mother. Her voice rang through him and immediately found its way to his heart, squeezing it violently. She took a step forward, smiling at him almost sadly.

“Come.”

Hesitating only a second longer, Draco started moving, his head bowed. He didn’t dare to look anyone in the eye.

Harry Potter was dead. What was the point in fighting?

Draco’s body went rigid when the Dark Lord enveloped him in his arms.

“Well done, Draco,” he whispered into his ear. Draco thought he was going to be sick. Silently, he made his way to his parents, avoiding his father’s waiting arms and grasping his mother’s hand instead.

He tried to suppress a sob when his eyes fell on Potter’s lifeless body, held tight by the half-giant. It made him want to scream, to sink to his knees and beg the heavens to return him. What were they supposed to do without Potter now? What was Draco supposed to do without him?

For the rest of his life, he would be haunted by the knowledge that the last time he had seen Harry Potter alive, the Gryffindor had saved his life, had saved him from the Fiendfyre. And what had Draco done? He had simply grabbed his wand when it had fallen out of Potter’s hand and had made a run for it.

His hand tightened around the wood, making his knuckles go white. It didn’t even feel like his wand anymore. It only reminded him of what he had done. It disgusted him.

He could barely listen as Longbottom stepped forward and told them it didn’t matter that Potter was dead. His heart gave another violent squeeze. He wished he could go back in time. Draco doubted it was in his power to save Potter, but he should have at least told him that he… that he…

Draco saw something sparkly out of the corner of his eyes when suddenly chaos erupted. Longbottom was holding something; it looked like a sword. Draco looked around, taking in the shocked faces of the Death Eaters. That’s when he finally saw it; Potter, jumping out of the half-giant’s arms. In this mere second, Draco’s whole world shifted. It was as if time was standing still. Potter was crouching on the ground, his face full of determination.

Draco’s mind was completely blank. He didn’t think, he didn’t question it when his feet started moving of their own accord.

“Potter!” His voice was choked, desperate. The feeling only intensified when their eyes met. Draco hadn’t thought he’d ever see those eyes again. It made him shiver. He didn’t think about repercussions, about what his parents would say, what the Dark Lord might do to him. How could he, when Harry Potter was alive?

Without a moment’s hesitation, he lifted his arm above his head and threw his wand with all his might. His heart hammered wildly against his chest as he watched Potter catch it mid-air.

They were saved. He was saved.

Even though relief flooded through him, at this point, Draco really didn’t care what happened to him anymore. He had experienced what it meant to lose  nearly everything.

Harry Potter was alive and that was all that mattered.


So, quick intermission because there’s this song you could listen to real quick. Yes, this was indeed inspired by a song originally sung by the Backstreet Boys lol. BUT can you honestly listen to it and tell me this is not one of the most drarry songs you’ve ever heard? I can’t believe I hadn’t noticed before! So, with that in mind, the story continues…


It was quick, fleeting, but it made Harry stop dead, the air completely knocked out of his lungs. Grey eyes, hesitant, sad, locked with his.

Someone bumped into him, breaking the eye contact. Harry whirled around, the shopping bag in his hand hitting the wizard beside him in the back.

“Sorry,” Harry mumbled. He quickly turned his head back down Diagon Alley, searching for grey eyes but there were just too many people.

Keep reading

we can watch the sunrise together, 
and i’ll beg to hold your hand, 
but you’ll only love me once the sun sinks;
i’m pretty, but the view is prettier.
—  pretty contests || r.m. || 8.15.17