the fear girls

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.

when you hear other people talking about how their significant other is funny when theyre irritated or in a bad mood and you cannot even remotely relate because abuse has fucked you over and your entire being tenses up whenever anyone around you is remotely unhappy about anything because you assume theyre going to take it out on you. the concept of someone being unhappy and that unhappiness not being a threat to you is new and foreign.

I hadn’t noticed how close we were.
Or how i was leaning into your shoulder with my legs on top of yours.
Until you looked up at me,
Your eyes shinning.
Right then i was aware of everything.
The tips of your fingers tingled on my arm.
Your breath warm on my neck.
Then when we kissed.
I swear i felt every nerve in my body light up.
And There wasnt another place in the world id rather be
—  A.P
I drew your name in the sand
And watched the waves wash it away.
I wish it would pull my memories of you away too.
Drag it off to some foreign beach and let it wash up for someone else to find.
But theres no where else for memories to go.
Theyre trapped like a letter in a bottle.
—  A.P