the fatal believer

The Encounter - A Fatal Error fanfic

So I had an idea for a story! I apologize in advance.)


*You pet the dog. Petting capacity is at 50%.

Greater Dog’s tail wagged at incredible speed as Frisk rubbed his belly. It seemed like they couldn’t stop just yet, unless they wanted to hear his incessant whining. Not that that was a problem, of course. Frisk was more than happy to indulge the small dog.

Eventually, Greater Dog yipoed and placed his paw on their hands. It seemed like he wanted them to stop. Frisk complied, then the dog stood back up and hopped into his empty armor headfirst. His tail stuck out from the top as he left the area. Frisk giggled at how goofy it looked. They wiped off the snow from their shorts and started heading back to Snowdin.

As they walked, Frisk admired the sight of all the snowflakes falling from the sky. The trees swayed somehow in a nonexistant breeze, and the occasional passerby would greet them. Even monsters that didn’t recognize Frisk were so nice. Everything about this was just so…peaceful. They hoped it would only get better from here on out…


Frisk jumped, startled by the sudden sound. They looked down and saw no twigs underneath their feet, so why…?

Frisk curved their lips. …It’s probably just Sans. But…why doesn’t he just come out?

“Hello?” Frisk called out. “Is anyone there?”


Frisk squinted their (already tiny) eyes. They could make out some sort of figure, huddled up behind the trees further up ahead.

…But the twig was behind them. How could he have done that?

Frisk didn’t understand much about the Underground yet. Maybe, if they just walked up to him….he could explain?

Frisk took a deep breath, then began to approach who they believed to be the short, pun-loving skeleton. As they got closer, however…he obscured himself just a little more.

But why? Was he afraid of them?

…No, he couldn’t be… Frisk thought. He was the first person I met after I left the Ruins…


Frisk picked up speed. The figure reacted frantically to their approach, making a few shuffling noises in the snow. It wasn’t until Frisk entered the forest that they got a much better view.

…What they saw in front of them, they hadn’t expected at all.

It was Sans, or…it wasn’t? Frisk couldn’t tell. His jacket had been bleached of all color, and several specks of…something surrounded his body. They resembled glitches, and some of the pieces were even detached from his own body. It ended up looking like fragments of his body were missing, or simply floating around him.

But what bothered Frisk the most were his eyes and chest. His eye sockets had no lights in them, and were instead mismatched in shape and color. One was blue (and they swore they could see words inside of it), while the other was bright red and…half-melted. It was uncomfortable to look at those seemingly empty eyes…

…And on Sans’ chest, there was a wide, ghastly cut, extending diagonally across his belly to nearly the top of his shirt. The strange words in his eyes were unmistakably there as well, and his slippers were stained with what looked like blood.

Seeing the cut made Frisk a bit queasy. What could’ve happened to this poor skeleton?

“…Sans?” Frisk whispered, their voice quivering. The skeleton, who hadn’t seemed entirely focused on them before, lifted his head at the mention of the name.

“… yyyou… you aare…”

Frisk winced at the sound of his voice. It sounded so distorted, so broken that they could hardly understand it. And yet…they still could.

…This was all very strange.

“…Frisk,” they replied. “I’m Frisk. We met earlier…didn’t we?”

“…. Dddin’t we?” he mimicked. Frisk was a bit unnerved by that, but they didn’t want to just leave him like this.

“…You aren’t the same skeleton I met. Are you?”

‘Sans’ tilted his head, contemplating the question. Eventually, he shook his head.

“…I see.” Frisk scratched their head, then stared at him hesitantly.

“Then who are you?”

Frisk watched as he reached up for his scarf and clung to it tightly.

“. .. Nnoo one. Jusst passing throughh.”

It was the most coherent sentence they had heard from him so far. Frisk prepared themselves mentally to ask something else.

“…What happened to you?”

The skeleton’s head lowered a little. His grip tightened on the scarf.

“sssomething i lost important to me i lost him”


“nnot here gone why he’s nnot here”

“I-I don’t under-”

“bbbrotherr find him i can’t i can’t WHHERE IS HHE-”


He stopped. He turned his head towards Frisk, who looked a little bit afraid.

“Please, slow down. I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

The skeleton shut his eyes and rubbed his arm. He suddenly felt something warm touching him. He opened one eye and saw it was Frisk, looking up at him with concern.

“Do you…wanna talk about it?”

He abruptly sat down in the snow, shaking his head vigorously. Frisk felt their heart clench at how miserable and lost the skeleton looked.

“…Okay. Can I sit with you, then?”

He shrugged. Frisk took it as a yes, or that he at least didn’t seem to mind. They sat down next to the skeleton and said nothing for a while.

Frisk and the strange skeleton just watched the snow fall.

After a while, Frisk turned their head towards the skeleton.

“…I should probably get going. I can’t stay here forever.”

They smiled, and patted his shoulder. Frisk didn’t know if he liked hugs.

“It was nice to meet you.” Frisk stood up and began to walk towards the end of the forest.

“…… .pppap…yrus……

Frisk paused midstep, then turned around.

”…What was that?“

He twiddled his fingers anxiously and grinned.

”.. . papyyrus. Myy brotherr.… “

Frisk’s mouth opened a little in surprise. ”…Papyrus? So wait…you ARE Sans?“

”…mmyyy papyrruss isss missing lost he’s not gone.. .“

Frisk shook her head. ”…I still don’t understand you. Where is he?“

He clenched his hands into fists. His grin slowly turned into a grimace. ”. …goonneee… . .“

They rubbed their head and looked down, realizing what Sans meant by that single word.

”…Oh. I’m really sorry…“

Frisk was about to say something else when they were cut off abruptly. They couldn’t speak or breath properly all of a sudden. They noticed that several red strings had appeared out of nowhere, and most were wrapped tightly around their body. Trembling, they looked over at the skeleton.

He was grinning again, but it seemed far more sinister than before. Frisk could see tears in his eyes.

“B E C A U S E O F Y O U .”

Xedra’s Notes:

Originally posted by cratermania


I really like your writing style, and your characterization of Fatal! And I really REALLY like how you wrote his dialogue! It was so spot on :’D

John Green asked me out on a date. I asked him how much he’d pay me to date him. He says nothing. I stab him. He is taken to the hospital in STABLE condition and yet has the audacity to report me to the police.

Over a none fatal stabbing! Can you believe this? I mean, what did he expect would happen on our date if he is so scared of knives? John Green you are a fucklord


First 3 songs felt a bit stiff, but after The Pledge I felt something changed and they seemed more relaxed.

Kyo wore a black jacket, white shirt, thin bow tie and black skinny jeans. He took jacket off after Namamekashiki. His shirt was so soaked that his tattoos were visible through it ;)
For encore he wore a EVIL DEAD 2 tshirt.
He had his silver square ring and usual earring, not much make up, nothing during encore.

Kaoru wore loose black cropped pants and pink tights underneath with black fishnet tights (more than one pair, one ripped), he had a black bat painted on his neck, or something with wings. His hair was very ‘frizzy’.

Toshiya in the beginning really looked like a model with a super cool face expression and his posture. But later he warmed up and was all smiles.

Shinya had a white button up shirt. They all looked a bit formal with shirts and jackets, but Die had a t-shirt and sleeveless sporty jacket over it. But his hair game was first class as usual.

Namamekashiki was so heartbreaking. If you care about hitting tje right notes and stuff like that maybe you wouldn’t enjoy it in Okinawa, but for me it was so powerful and beautiful, his voice was so full of emotion.
He loudly dropped his mic with the end of the song (and had to pick it up before the next one).

Kyo’s mic stopping working during THE FATAL BELIEVER, so he threw it on the crate, signaled the staff and came to the front so we could sing instead of him ;) problem handling like a boss!
When the mic was back he still signaled for staff to change the settings, but it didn’t become a big issue.

I liked the huge green 'PSYCHO KILLER’ on the screen, we didn’t need it to shout it, but it looked great! Overall the crowd response was so amazing this night and the whole tour!

Kyo was planning to go to the right side during Hageshisa at one point, but he almost crashed into Die, to avoid it he did a little swirl and saved the situation xp he was grinning so much then, with our mad happy laugh as a reaction.

All members walked on the stage quite a lot. I was between Kyo and Shinya in the 3~2 row and could see everyone up close when they came to visit few times ;) Kaoru and Die had their moment when Kaoru came to the other side, they all interacted a lot in Okinawa.

After encore Kyo was sitting on the drum stand and listening to us shouting his name, he waited for other members throwing things and saying their goodbyes.

While sitting there he actually started spraying Shinya with water when the latter came to the front to throw drumsticks. When Shinya turned around to check what’s going on, Kyo just smiled beautifully :3

 When he finally grabbed water bottles, his face was just so. Near crying, but so so happy. It was a good tour, with awesome crowd and response.

After Kyo run out of things to throw, he got his tshirt off and also threw it to the fans.
Then he was still hesistant to leave, he grabbed the mic again and said:

“ I guess I said on the radio that we’re not coming to Okinawa again, but I really want to come again. Really. Then. Goodnight.”

After he dropped the mic the final time he waved bye to us the last time and went off the stage.

Let me just clarify why i don’t completely buy it that Ymir is dead.
- Ymir’s off screen “death” seems so sudden… so sloppy for a mangaka who likes to show gorey deaths… mangled corpses.. etc. But for Ymir, last we see before she “dies” is her devastated expression while she’s waiting to be eaten by Galliard
- in chapter 93 when it’s supposed to prove that Galliard possesses Ymir’s memories, we see YMIR from the person’s point of view, it doesn’t make sense that Ymir can see herself unless it’s herself in the mirror. No, this flashback is from Reiner, NOT Galliard
- this is more from analyzing Ymir’s character but i believe Ymir would never give up her life for the Marleys, the ones who were responsible for her suffering, her 60-years long lasting nightmare as a titan, her eventual kidnapping and then being fed to one of them just because she happened to be at a place where other titan shifters were. Ymir potentially endangering Historia by freely handing her powers over to the enemy is so out of character that even now I still don’t buy it that Ymir doesn’t have something up her sleeve which will ultimately be for Historia’s sake. Ymir ending up dead, with her power now in Marley’s hands, without having been able to protect Historia, it all seems… wrong
- in Ymir’s letter to Historia she says that her only regret is not having been able to marry Historia… YET. Aaah this “yet” right here could be one hell of a hint for what might potentially happen, even something as simple as Ymir and Historia reunited again
- Historia didn’t get much of a focus when she had just finished reading what was Ymir’s farewell letter. We just see her face cut off from the panel and with a tear sliding down her face. Next pages she’s regained her composure… compare this to Historia’s dramatic and super emotional and powerful scenes from the extra chapter of volume 13 when she’s JUST reacting to Ymir having left her… having chosen Reiner and bertholdt over her! Now you could see this is some sort of character development for Historia… but. . This lack of reaction might be implying something more
- it is CANON that you just need a shifter’s spinal fluid in order to get their powers… we know this from Rod’s comment to Historia when Historia was supposed to eat Eren. Now, okay, removing someone’s spinal fluid is fatal I believe but we have seen that shifters work way differently from normal humans. What if out of an act of sympathy from Reiner’s side, he agreed on sparing Ymir’s life?
- Isayama has stated multiple times that Ymir is his favorite character and favorite character to write. This doesn’t mean he can’t kill off his favorite character BUT it can mean that Isayama is far from done with Ymir’s story… considering we have had so little of Ymir in the past 40 or so chapters. Consider that Isayama made these comments about Ymir and keeps making them even chapters after Ymir left in chapter 50.. consider that an author still keeps mentioning said character as a favorite to write… don’t just give up on Ymir, is what I get from this
- this is my shipper self talking but Ymir and Historia totally deserve one another. Totally deserve to be happy together. Totally deserve to live long lives together. In an AU smartpass story, official stuff, Historia mentions that her dream of the future is living in a faraway land, in a farm with many animals, and together with Ymir. Now if that ain’t love then I don’t know what is. Yumikuri is the realest thing ever


don’t ever make fun of someone who always thinking they’re ill. having this fucking sucks. every headache makes you think you have a brain tumor and same goes with sore throat, stomach ache, cramps. hot flashes? scarlet fever. hearing noises at night? exploding head syndrome, or maybe developing schizophrenia? every thing is a fatal disease. always believing that in any moment in time you could drop causes so much anxiety. so don’t add to the burden by telling someone it’s all in their head.

anonymous asked:

Loved your essay on Regina's feeling about Belle. any thoughts on how Snow feels about Belle or headcanon why they never became real friends?

ETA: This is the Regina and Belle essay anon referred to!

Some of that I semi-covered in my fic Life in Black and White. But have an essay anyway, because it’s been two seasons since then and I have feelings. Please take this with a pinch of salt: the show’s characterisation isn’t remotely consistent, and so it’s hard to pull the strings together into a coherent argument. 

So generally, Belle and Snow come from a similar place. They have the same black-and-white start point - understandable given the general FTL culture of light vs dark - and they’re both Disney princesses. They both believe in love overcoming all, and any scene where they do connect is based on that.

They’re also both a little obsessive about their faith in heroics. But their definition of a hero, and how they try to live up to it in their daily lives, is where they fatally diverge. Ultimately, Belle believes in individual moral judgements, where Snow believes in the judgement of a group. 

Belle’s point of view is fairly straight forward. She believes a hero saves everyone, and relies their own individual judgement on the best course of action. That best course of action should harm as few people as possible, and benefit as many as possible. Self-sacrifice is encouraged if it saves someone else. Belle is can be stubbornly morally upright, and unwilling to bend or see another point of view. When she makes her moral judgement, she’s hard to dissuade, and has utter faith in her convictions. Only with the Gideon situation are we seeing that bend, love for her son being more important to her than being a hero or morally right all the time. But in her defence, she’s too smart to believe anyone is purely good or evil. She believes everyone should try and be good, not that people fall into ‘good’ and ‘bad’ categories from which they cannot deviate. She’s willing to judge based on the choices someone is making now, not on past behaviour - at least as far as morality goes, if not in terms of personal relationships.

Snow, on the other hand, believes a hero is loyal above all else, and defends their home and their loved ones first and foremost. Snow is more than willing to sacrifice someone who falls outside of those she personally values, if it will save someone who falls within that inner circle. She relies heavily on the moral judgements of others, her team, and is susceptible to group-think. Her team isn’t just her loved ones, though - unlike Rumple, who will make choices based on their effect on him and his family alone. Snow’s team is the ‘heroes’, with all the moral judgement that term implies. However, that label is not earned via self-sacrifice or moral strength, nor is it lost through vice or hurting others. No, the ‘heroes’ are those who work with Snow and Snow’s family. Morality, for Snow, is based on obedience to the group’s moral judgement. Anyone who works opposed to the group’s interests - such as Rumple, frequently - is a ‘villain’, and will be treated as such until they come into conformity. Anyone already firmly in the group - i.e. her family, and extended family - gets a very liberal carte blanche. Anyone outside gets little consideration at all.

Now, often there is a genuine moral aspect involved: the ‘heroes’ will be fighting at least nominally to protect others, and the ‘villains’ will threaten the safety of everyone, not just Snow’s family. However, consider Gideon. Gideon only threatened Emma’s life, and he did so because he professed a belief that by taking her powers, he could save hundreds of children. Snow never seemed to question Emma’s willingness to kill Gideon for a moment, despite the moral issues at stake. Emma, the ‘heroes’ group leader - the Saviour - had decided to kill Gideon. She didn’t stop to question whether there was a better answer. Neither did she consider the question of saving the Dark Realm’s other lost children. The ‘hero’ group’s judgement was that it was right to kill ‘villainous’ Gideon to save Emma. Morally, therefore, that conclusion was correct. 

For Snow, a decision is heroic by virtue of its decider being a hero; one does not become a hero by making heroic decisions. This is the same reasoning that allows her to excuse Hook’s actions carte blanche - he is a ‘hero’ now by virtue of working with her family, so his decisions are all heroic by virtue of that status. The cart essentially goes before the horse. 

However, for Belle one becomes a hero by making heroic choices, and one can lose that status by no longer making those choices. That’s what fuelled that horrid confrontation with Rumple in 6A - ‘that’s being too weak to be good’. She believes that everyone has the ability to make good choices, and bad ones. Her blindspot tends to be accepting that sometimes the cost of making the good choice is just too high, or that others’ morality can differ from hers without being invalid. It’s stubborn, sometimes even destructive, but it’s grounded in a deep moral conviction and an admirable desire to do right by everyone, not just her loved ones. Her decisions are always on her own moral judgement, whether they be right or wrong. 

Best example: think of the Bear and the Bow. Belle is with the heroes until they will sacrifice Rumple. She refuses to stand by them then, and not just because Rumple is her husband, but because he is a victim of Emma’s machinations and now left weak and alone. Once she opposes the ‘hero’ group’s judgement and goes to find Rumple herself, she is outside Snow’s willingness to help or protect her. Snow doesn’t offer to help, and they have no more contact that episode. Belle then helps Rumple, until he’s willing to skip town and leave them to face Emma alone, despite his having helped create the problem they’re now facing. Whether or not you agree with her choice to walk back to town alone, she made it based on her own moral reasoning: it wasn’t right to abandon Rumple in the woods, and give Emma a free pass while vilifying Rumple despite their both having been the Dark One. But it also wasn’t right for Rumple to skip town and refuse to help, abandoning everyone else without his help or expertise. In both situations, Belle made and followed through with her own moral judgement, despite the opinions or wishes of those around her, even her loved ones.

Being a hero for Belle is about stepping up and doing the right thing regardless of the cost, and it’s an option open to anyone at any time. Being a hero for Snow is about being a part of a group of ‘heroes’, and conforming to their reasoning while protecting the group members at any cost.

That’s why they don’t have a better relationship: Snow’s a conformist, Belle’s an individualist, and that’s like oil and water. 

TMI Tuesday - ask me anything!

Étienne Carat     Victor Hugo, Paris     1876

Letters to the rich and to the poor, c.1884

I am asked what has been the lesson of my life, which I have learned in my years of living to bequeath as my most precious legacy to humanity. I reply that my soul has two messages of council, of promise and of threat to deliver. One to the rich and the other to the poor. The two contain the sum of human wisdom.


The poor cry out to the wealthy. The slaves implore the rulers. And as much now as in the days of Spartan Helots. I am one of them and I add my voice to that multitude that it may reach the ears of the rich. Who am I? One of the people. From whence come I? From the bottomless pit. How am I named? I am Wretchedness. My lords, I have something to say to you.

My lords, you are placed high. You have power, opulence, pleasure, the sun immovable at your zenith, unlimited authority, enjoyment undivided, a total forgetfulness of others. So be it. But there is something below you. Above you, perhaps. My lords I impart to you a novelty. The human race exists.

I am he who comes from the depths. My lords, you are the great and the rich. That is perilous. You take advantage of the night. But have a care; there is a great power, the morning. The dawn cannot be vanquished. It will come. It comes, it has within it the outbreak of irresistible day.

You, you are the dark clouds of privilege. Be afraid. The true master is about to knock at the door.

What is the father of privilege? Chance. What is his son? Abuse. Neither chance nor abuse is enduring. They have, both of them, an evil to-morrow.

I come to warn you. I come to denounce you in your own bliss. It is made out of the ills of the others. Your paradise is made out of the hell of the poor. I come to open before you, the wealthy, the grand assizes of the poor-that sovereign who is the slave, that convict who is the judge. I am bowed down under what I have to say. Where to begin? I know not. I have picked up in the cruel experience of suffering, my vast though struggling pleas. Now what shall I do with them? They overwhelm me and I throw them forth pell mell before me.

I am a diver and I bring up from the depths a pearl, the Truth. 1 speak because I know. I have experienced. I have seen. Suffering? No, the word is weak, O masters in bliss ! Poverty-I have grown up in it; winter-I have shivered in it; famine-I have tasted it; scorn-I have undergone it; the plague-I have had it; shame-I have drunk of it.

I felt it requisite that I should come among you. Why, because of my yesterday’s rags. It was in order that my voice might be raised among the satiated, that God commingled me with the hungered. Oh! have pity! Oh, you know not this fatal world, whereunto you believe that you belong. So high, you are outside of it. I will tell you what it is.

Abandoned an orphan, alone in boundless creation, I made my entry into this gloom you call society. The first thing I saw was law, under the form of a gibbet; the second was wealth- your wealth-under the form of a woman dead of cold and hunger; the third was luxury under the shape of a hunted man chained to prison walls; the fourth was your palaces beneath the shadow of which cowered the tramp.

The human race has been made by you slaves and convicts, you have made of this earth a dungeon. Light is wanting, air is wanting, virtue is wanting.

The workers of this world whose fruits you enjoy live in death. There are little girls who begin at eight by prostitution, and who end at twenty by old age. Who among you nave been to Newcastle-on-Tyne? There are men in the mines who chew coal, to fill their stomach and cheat hunger. Look you in Lancashire. Misery everywhere. Are you aware that the Harlech fishermen eat grass when the fishery fails? Are you aware that at Burton- Lazers there are still certain lepers driven into the woods, who are fired at if they come out of their dens? In Peckridge there are no beds in the hovels, and holes are dug in the ground for little children to sleep in; so that, in place of beginning with the cradle, they begin with the tomb.

Mercy, have mercy for the poor! Oh, I conjure you, have pity ! But no, you will not. I know ye all. Devils bred in hell, and dogs with hearts of stone. Upward to your golden throne for ages has gone the cry of misery, the groan of hunger, and the sob of despair, and ye heeded it not. What mercy hast thou given shall be meted out to you in turn.

Bear in mind that a series of kings armed with swords were interrupted by Cromwell and the axe.

Tremble! The incorruptible dissolutions draw near; the clipped talons push out again; the torn-out tongues take to flight, become tongues of flame scattered to the winds of darkness, and they howl in the Infinite. They who are hungry show their idle teeth, Paradises built over hells totter. There is suffering and that which is above leans over, and that which is below gapes open. The shadow asks to become light. The damned discuss the elect. It is the people who are oncoming. I tell you it is Man who ascends. It is the end that is beginning. It is the red dawning on Catastrophe. Ah! This society is false. One day, a true society must come. Then there will be no more lords; there will be free, living men. There will be no more wealth, there will be an abundance for the poor. There will be no more masters, but there will be brothers. They that toil shall have. This is the future. No more prostration, no more abasement, no more ignorance, no more wealth, no more beasts of burden, no more courtiers-but LIGHT.

To The Poor,

Shall I now speak to the poor after having in vain implored the rich? Yes, it is fitting. This then have I to say to the disinherited. Keep a watch upon your abominable jaw. There is one rule for the rich-to do nothing, and one for the poor- to say nothing. The poor have but one friend, silence. They should use but one monosyllable: yes. To confess and to concede-these are all the “rights” they have. “ Yes” to the judge. “Yes” to the king. The great if it so pleases them give us blows with a stick; I have had them; it is their prerogative, and they lose nothing of their greatness in cracking our bones. Let us worship the king’s scepter which is the first among sticks.

If a poor man is happy he is the pickpocket of happiness. Only the rich and noble are happy by right. The rich man is he who being young has the rights of old age; being old, the lucky chances of youth; vicious, the respect of good people; a coward, the command of the stout-hearted; doing nothing, the fruits of labor.

Carriages, poor slaves, exist. The lord is inside; the people are under the wheel; the wise man makes room.

The people fight. Whose is the glory? They pay. Whose is the magnificence? The king’s. And the people like to be rich in this fashion. Our ruler, King or Croesus, receives from the poor a crown piece and renders back to the poor a farthing. How generous he is! The colossal looks up to the pygmy superstructure. How tall the manikin is! He is on my back. A dwarf has an excellent method of being higher than a giant; it is to perch himself upon the other’s shoulders. But that the giant should let him do it, there’s the odd part of it; and that he should admire the baseness of the dwarf, there’s the stupidity. Human ingenuousness.

The equestrian statue reserved for kings alone is an excellent type of royalty. Let us be frank with words. The capitalist who steals the reward of labor is a king as well as the man of blood. The king mounts himself on the horse. The horse is the people. Sometimes this horse transfigures himself by degrees. At the beginning he is an ass; at the end he is a lion. Then he throws his rider to the ground and we have 1643 in England and 1789 in France; and sometimes devours him, in which case we have in England 1649 and in France 1793.

That the lion can again become a jackass, this is surprising but a fact.

What happiness to be again ridden and beaten and starved. What happiness to work forever for bread and water ! What happiness to be free from the delusions that cake is good and life other than misery! Was there anything more crazy than those ideas? Where should we be if every vagabond had his rights? Imagine everybody governing! Can you imagine a city governed by the men who built it? They are the team, not the coachman. What a godsend is a rich man who takes charge of everything. Surely he is generous to take the trouble for us! And then, he was brought up to it; he knows what it is; it is his business. A guide is necessary for us. Being poor we are ignorant; being ignorant we are blind; we need a guide. But why are we ignorant? Because it must be so. Ignorance is the guardian of Virtue! He who is ignorant is innocent! It is not our duty to think, complain or reason. These truths are uncontestable. SOCIETY reposes on them. What is “society”? Misery for you if you support it. Be reasonable, poor man. you were made to be a slave.

Not to be a slave is to DARE to Do.

Victor Hugo

Mode of The Marrow of a Bone, Day 3, Zepp Sapporo, 04.08

And we made it through Day 3. I was looking forward to being in Sapporo again, even if it was much colder.

I was confused by the B ticket system, and was dismayed at how far back I was in line. However, because of the push, I had a good spot in front of Kaoru, and I was actually close enough to see their faces so much better than the other times.

Like I mentioned, they played Day 1’s setlist. But I wasn’t sure what would happen, and didn’t get my rhythm until halfway through Lie, and therefore missed the jumping. I was surprised that it took me until at least halfway through the next song before I felt into it. I was so off.

Again everything was so high. The energy was great, but I felt Kyo was working the crowd less. When he did, it was just as good, but no kisses. When I was on his side I didn’t notice, but he leaves the other side to Toshiya more, who was also hyping us quite well. He did however maintain his own moves. His dancing is fun! Toshiya and Die were similarly less, but not too much. Maybe it was my vantage point. Kaoru was the same, reserved yet high during some songs.

So I headbanged my way through another awesome show. I again was off for Rotting Root, at least at the beginning. I don’t know what happened, so I tried to make up for it later. That worked. I wasn’t out of breath by the encore, so either I didn’t work as hard, or my throat behaved. I did make myself dizzy again, so a successful night.

All my favorites, and yes Namamekashiki was great again, were on point. Phenomenon was easier to feel this time. I am forever in love with Kaoru’s part during Conceived Sorrow, which also had some of my most favorite Kyo vocals. I, of course, loved the hardest songs. Fatal Believer and Repetition of Hatred are so good live.

Like I mentioned, Toshiya had bass trouble during Aoi Tsuki. At first they thought it was the bass, but after changing it, it was the amp. His face was hilarious. You never realize what a song without bass quite sounds like until it happens.

Shinya and Die wore what they did on Day 1, white for Shinya and a sleeveless long jacket for Die, who went for sleek and straight hair and I am so jealous. Kaoru again wore a long tunic and this time I could tell there was harem pants. And black makeup smeared all over his lower half of his face and heavy black eye makeup. Toshiya wore a white button up and black jacket (that looked like an outdoor coat) and the shirt was undone from the beginning. His hair was straight and parted down the middle, with a good amount of eye makeup. I definitely could tell it was shorter than the Ster Edge hair. The coat came off quickly, revealing a black vest and no sleeves. I have seen the guns up close now! Kyo wore the same as Day 2, but the coat this time was solid black and came off during Disabled Complexes, and both nights had a mini strip tease at that time.

Shinya wore the Bone shirt during the encore, Die wore the white reprint shirt, Toshiya had a plain black very short sleeve shirt, Kaoru had a white knee length jacket thingy with a cool print and Kyo wore a black tee shirt with logo of a diamond jewel, and a denim jacket which came off by Aoi Tsuki. The makeup came off again. I think the giant button on his jacket said either “sheep” or “sleep”.

The usual antics after the show. Kaoru was so much more playful with the picks, and Die can throw so far. I already mentioned what happened with Shinya and the water bottles, so that was funny.

All in all, a satisfying end to my part of this tour, unless I miraculously get a ticket for 4/22. While my neck and throat appreciated the day break, my rhythm didn’t. I still enjoyed every minute, and apart from falling down, I didn’t make an obvious ass of myself when I didn’t know one of the songs. I feel like I am much more of a fan than I was. I used to feel so stupid, this helped ease it.

I hope the rest of you have just as much fun, if not more. Maybe I’ll see you for Macabre.

Posting my defence of Robert again, in response to someone calling him “evil”:

I think the important thing with soaps is they’re so long running you really need to know characters back-stories to properly understand them, and with someone like Robert who has been in the show since HIS BIRTH almost 30 years ago, that’s a lot of back story!

Robert is a lot of things but he is not evil.

Robert’s mum died when he was a baby. His dad remarried, Sarah, who raised him as her own. She was his mum in every sense. Then his parents took in another child, Andy, who basically became the favourite. Then Andy burnt down a barn with their mum inside it (he didn’t know this, but still).

So this boy, Robert’s rival in many sense, killed their mother. And still in the years that followed he was seen as the golden boy. When Andy found out about Robert’s affair with Katie, he tried to murder Robert - but shot their dad instead!!!!

And what did Jack do after nearly being murdered by his own son? Protect him. Robert was still seen as the bad guy.
And how Robert left in 2005…he was only a teenager still, but his rivalry with Andy reached a deadly climax when they played chicken - driving their cars straight at each other. And Andy had a passenger!!!! And Max was killed. So Andy played this dangerous game while somebody else was in the car with him, and what did Jack do when he arrived at the scene? Banished Robert. Told him to leave and never come back.

If that shit doesn’t screw up someone, I don’t know what will. Also, as we learnt on Rob’s return, there was obviously a battle with his sexuality on top of that too. We haven’t learnt too much about what happened in those nine years Robert was away, but I think that could be really telling too.

Robert has done some awful things and nothing excuses that. But so has basically everyone else on the show - including Aaron.

Aaron is NOT perfect. As recently as Christmas he battered someone around the head while robbing a warehouse. He beat Paddy to a pulp for questioning him about his sexuality. He has been rude and obnoxious and aggressive to basically everyone in the village at one point or another. He got involved in dodgy shit even though he had a record and could end up back in prison at any time.

But we know (especially now) why Aaron is like this. And if we’re going to get technical, Robert’s brother ANDY has done worse things that him. Besides killing his mother (although an accident), he nearly killed his dad and physically abused his wife. NOT TO MENTION making a deal with Ross to MURDER THEIR BROTHERS.

Robert didn’t mean to kill Katie. Technically he didn’t, he pushed her, she fell over, and it just so happened the floor broke underneath her. There was no investigation into her death because it was clearly an accident. Yeah, his actions afterwards weren’t cool but he panicked.

The Chas/hit man stuff was fucked up, soapy shit. I think everyone has just erased that from memory because it was so stupid. I think the show has too because there has literally been no reference to this since. The Paddy stuff turned out worse than intended, I don’t believe that Robert tried to put Paddy in any real danger, but just to give him a bit of a scare and it went wrong because Paddy is stupid LOL. But he went to save him until he realised someone else would save him instead. Robert had no intention of killing Paddy.

The lodge shit was awful but I also think it proved how fucked up and unhinged Robert is. Like proper screwed up. If anyone cared about him enough to question his mental health, they would try to get him some help/therapy, because the boy is a mess. He’d basically been made to feel second best, most of his life, to his brother who was excused every time he had a mistake (even fatal ones!) I also believe that Robert’s struggle with his sexuality was about Jack too.

But since Robert was shot he has been a different person. He has shown nothing but remorse for everything bad he has done, and he is more accepting of himself and his feelings - especially his sexuality and his feelings for Aaron. What we have seen of him over the past month, him noticing Aaron was suffering when nobody else did, and looking after him non stop since, has been precious. Sleeping on the cold hard floor just so Aaron isn’t alone. Vowing to look after Aaron’s business while he’s away. Pledging his love and support while respecting Aaron’s space. Actually listening to Aaron more so than anyone else.

Robert has done some nasty shit, but it’s all the result of the fact that deep down he’s just a messed up little boy who just wanted his dad to love him.
But basically everyone else on the show has done fucked up things. I remember when Nicola first came back into the show she had married an old man and was planning on killing him to get his inheritance! (Or something…it was a long time ago LOL) but now she’s this comedy character!!

In soaps there are some things you just have to sort of erase, and that sort of erase themselves (*cough* Chas and the hitman *cough*). Everything else should be taken into consideration with the characters history.

Beyond Birthday + Identity

Misora looked up and saw her face in the mirror. Naomi Misora. This was her. That much was clear. Everyone knows the sensation of staring at a word for a long period of time until you start to wonder if it is really spelled correctly. In the same way, it was possible to doubt oneself, to wonder how long one could really be oneself. Was she still herself?

Still grinning to himself, he faced the mirror, brushed his hair, and began applying his makeup. The reflection of himself in the mirror. Himself. As always, he could not see his own time of death. No more than he could see the death of the world.

“If L’s a genius then B’s an extreme genius. If L’s a freak, then B’s an extreme freak. Now it’s time to get ready.There are things I must do before B can surpass L. Henh henh henh henh.”

[T]he second child, Beyond Birthday, was brilliant and deviant. B stood for Backup. But B tried to surpass L, not become him

I think B’s relationship to self identity is terribly interesting. From begin on, he views himself as different and separated from other people because he is the only one whose life’s end he cannot see. In a world full of predetermined existences at whose unawareness of their final destination he can laugh, he’s the one who’s different. Something else entirely, among dead men walking.

I was reduced to nothing but an absent gaze. Think of it this way: I was a pair of abstract eyes walking around wearing my flesh as a disguise. Living as such there was no point in expecting any form of societal responsibility or human reaction.
-Kiyoshi Kasai, Bye-Bye Angel

And this person now comes to be brought to succeed the one person whose face and name is unknown - whose death is unknown. To a degree, L appears to be like him. A player between NPCs. There is no surprise that B would be able to get invested in that, enough to fully internalize the idea of becoming a successor up until the point where it makes him feel disgusted. 

I think that rather than ‘I am L, only more L than L himself’, a central theme of his murder case is  ‘I am not you, I go above the scale you set’. Look at me
While a lot of what we can perceive about B is his mockery and imitation of L in ‘Rue Ryuzaki’ the character of a great detective, what I personally think is that his murders are also his autobiography, not as L but himself.

His preferences (Akazukin Chacha, the set up as a fiction-themed crime story overall - life is a stage, everyone is just playing the role destiny/death has given them) as well as his life story (Clock, Eyes) and his very name, the one thing about his self that he can know without doubt to be real about himself (B.B. initials  - a whole case set up for revealing his name, his true hidden identity). 
And, tragically, also his belief to be somewhat more than human, to be in control of his own fate - B thinks that death is inevitable and human choice is of little to no consequence in it. He knows this. Yet, his fatal flaw is believing himself to be above this, not fully the same as other humans.

L would be left chasing after the mirage of the deceased B. L would be forever followed by the mirage of the deceased B. L would spend the rest of his life trembling in fear of B’s shadow. L would lose. B would win. B was the top, and L was the bottom—L would grovel at B’s feet.
The copy would surpass the original.

LABB is B’s ticket to make L look at him. Nameless L, whom B cannot become nor humanize, which would place him beneath him like any normal person.

Or perhaps B simply wanted to meet L. Then he could use the eyes of the shinigami he’d been born with and see L’s real name, see when L would die.

It would reverse the stick once and for all - B becomes real; his self, that is so hard to pin down between mirrors and confusion, becomes immortal in L. 
Eyes, mirrors, fiction and identity are the central motives throughout the novel and in this fashion, B needs to write his story and be seen to be real. 

LABB is a suicide as much as it’s a creation of self. 

B is someone feeling stuck between being human and being concept, between being above and beneath in a world he views as largely inconsequential.
It’s interesting how, in twisted manner, he still reaches his goal of a reverse situation - instead of B becoming L, L becomes B by taking his detective code.

                *A note: Beyond Birthday is a character that leaves a lot up for interpretation and this is a personal take on reading the different cues of the novel, not intended to be a generally applying analysis. I would not dream of saying I have found the one single real interpretation, man.


2017.04.21 Shinkiba STUDIO COAST setlist

00 SE

04 Phenomenon
05 凌辱の雨

08 艶かしき安息、躊躇いに微笑み

14 Revelation of mankind

en15 蒼い月
en16 秒深
en18 詩踏み
en19 Sustain the Untruth

nm just thinking about the Infractus Fatality OCT and how it triggered the exact series of events that lead up to me being exactly where I am in life today lol

old character! his name is Neon Slaike (though it’s not his real name. His real name is probably something infinitely more plain and embarrassing, but that’s none of your business) and he’s one of… ‘Those guys’. The ones who speak in leetspeak out loud, and still think ‘The Cake Is A Lie’ jokes are funny in the year of our Lord 2015. 

He’s got a whole long history behind him but I saved that wall of text for FA.


2017.04.22 Shinkiba STUDIO COAST setlist

00 SE

06 Phenomenon

07 Midwife
08 凌辱の雨
09 艶かしき安息、躊躇いに微笑み


en15 秒深
en16 業
en17 GRIEF
en18 詩踏み
en19 Un deux