the family kitchen

Batfam as things my fam has said

Dick: *tells a joke*

*silence*

Dick: Okay, but when it’s about my life, everyone laughs.

——————–

Jason: I’m really trying, and it’s just not working.

Tim: There is no try. Only do.

Jason: I don’t think Star Wars is really going to help me right now.

Tim: *scoffs* Shows what you know.

Dick: You know, I’m proud he got that reference.

——————-

Jason: *messes up*

Bruce: *addresses the younger kids* Okay, he’s older. That means you should all learn from his mistakes or risk being just as much of a fuck-up.

Jason: Dad!

Bruce: *raises an eyebrow*

Jason: *sighs* It’s true.

——————-

Bruce: Okay Tim, you need some sleep.

Tim: You know, I’ve got enough problems in my life without you shoving your mainstream ideals and corporate agendas down my throat.

Bruce: …?

Tim: Yeah, goodnight.

———————

Dick: Okay, but if cotton shirts shrink when they get wet, does that mean sheep shrink when they get wet?

Jason: Bro, sheep produce wool.

Dick: Really?

Jason: Cotton comes from a fucking plant.

Dick: *in a small voice* So…sheep….don’t shrink…..when they get….wet….?

Tim: I think your brain shrinks when it gets wet.

———————–

Damian: *walks into the kitchen at 12:00 a.m.* *sees Dick laying on the table crying*

Damian: So this is adulthood.

*like a month after that*

Damian: *walks into the kitchen late at night again* *sees Jason sitting in front of the fridge just staring while holding a jug of milk*

Damian: Is this like a thing? Does every adult in this family have mental breakdowns in the kitchen late at night?

Bruce: You’ll understand it someday.

Damian: *turns the light on* *sees Bruce sitting on the counter with a single piece of bread*

Damian: What was I born into?

———————–

*at McDonald’s*

Dick and Jason: *get their own food*

Tim and Damian: *have to share*

Damian: Dad, that’s not fair. Why do we have to share?

Jason: Because we’re older, nimrod. We’ve paid our dues.

Dick: Yeah. I’m older than all of you. Dad had to raise me before he knew what the fuck he was doing.

Bruce: Jokes on all of you. I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.

———————

Jason: *ruins the end of a movie the others haven’t seen*

Dick: You know, there’s a special place in hell for people like you.

Damian: Yeah, it’s this family.

——————–

*at the pediatrician’s*

Bruce and Damian: *waiting for the doctor*

Bruce: *starts opening the cabinets* *finds the latex gloves* *starts stuffing them in his pockets*

Damian: Um, Dad? What are you doing…?

Bruce: I use these when I’m working. I like the ones from my doctor better. These are all meant for small hands.

Damian: Well maybe you shouldn’t be stealing from your son’s pediatrician then—or your doctor for that matter.

Bruce: Maybe your pediatrician shouldn’t have such small hands.

Damian: That is so not the problem with this situation.

(I know Bruce is hella rich, but my fam isn’t. lolol)

——————-

*getting free samples from the store*

Bruce: Okay, Jason take your jacket off and go up there again. She’s elderly and will probably think your someone else.

Jason: *rolls his eyes* *goes anyway*

Dick: Dad, that is horrible.

Bruce: Do you want lunch son? 

Dick: Yes?

Bruce: Okay then. Roll your shorts up, put your hair in a ponytail, and pretend you’re my daughter.

Tim: We’re all going to hell.

———————

Dick, Tim and Jason: *fighting over what movie to watch*

Damian: *gives a suggestion* *gets ignored*

Dick, Tim and Jason: *keep fighting*

Damian: Hello!

Dick, Tim and Jason: *still ignore him* *still fighting*

Damian: I DEMAND ATTENTION, YOU ASSHOLES!

Dick, Tim and Jason: *turn to Damian in shock*

Damian: That’s right. I am capable of speaking. I may be the youngest, but I still exist.

———————-

Jason: Hey, Dick?

Dick: JUST LEAVE ME ALONE TO DIE!

Jason: What’s wrong with him?

Tim: Someone ate all the Lucky Charms.

———————-

Jason: How do you know when a fish is dead?

Dick: That’s an ominous question.

Jason: But like, how do you know?

Dick: I don’t know. Usually if they’re upside down at the top of the water.

Jason: So…laying at the bottom of the bowl all pale and colorless probably means dead, right?

Dick: JASON WHAT DID YOU DO?

Jason: I DON’T KNOW! I think I fed him too much. I mean, he just kept eating. I figured he was just that hungry!

Dick: Damian is going to kill you.

Jason: This is like his fifth fish. How attached could he have been, really?

———————–

Damian: I thought I said that this family was banned from going anywhere near my fish. Why do you all keep killing my pets? Dad freaking swallowed one!

Jason: Wow Dad. I just overfed one. At least I didn’t eat it. 

Bruce: That wasn’t my fault! You shouldn’t be putting them in water bottles!

Damian: I WAS CLEANING HIS BOWL!

———————–

Tim: Why is the world against me?

Damian: Is that rhetorical or would you like me to answer?

———————–

Dick: *wakes up* I really feel like today is going to be a good day.

Dick: *spills his bowl of cereal on himself*

Dick: I’m going to go to bed now.

Bruce: Dick, you just woke up.

Dick: Well the world doesn’t seem to care!

————————

Tim: Can you have a midlife crisis at 17?

Damian: I don’t even think I’ll make it to 17.

Jason: I’m pretty sure I died the day I turned 19.

Dick: I’ve been having a midlife crisis for the past three years.

Tim: So that’s a yes.

————————

Bruce: I miss being young and childless.

Jason: As your child, that’s just so nice to hear.

————————-

Bruce: Why aren’t you in school right now?

Dick: Dad, why does life feel like an endless abyss of self-loathing and humiliation?

Bruce:

Bruce: I’m just going to call and say you have the flu.


Kira: I’M SO LATE- I wanted to do a present for caretaker!Asriel’s bday but I was so busy and I couldn’t complete it in time T___T BY THE WAY I hope he’ll like it anyway! underpath!Frisk&Asriel gave him a yummy pie (no chocolate involved here) while underpath!Chara is making sure caretaker!Chara doesn’t appear-
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASRIEL!
Also a lot of love for @caretaker-au Authors!

(Also first time I try coloring with colored pencils, I’m so inspired by the amazing @/georgetheblob but I’m not that good T__T! Should practice more-)

Chicken soup for your health

Okay, so this is the recipe for my mothers chicken soup. My mom is a kitchen witch and this shit works wonders on any illness I have ever had. So let’s get to it Witches. Chicken soup to cure all ills.

- [ ] Jewish penicillin, a recipe.( this is what my mom has ever called it. Supposedly she learned it from an old Jewish woman)

- [ ] Needed equipment:
- [ ] 1 large stock pot
- [ ] 1 pair tongs
- [ ] 1 wooden spoon
- [ ] 1 colander

- [ ] Ingredients:

- [ ] 1 whole chicken, bone in

- [ ] 1tbs white or apple cider vinegar

- [ ] About a cup each of Carrots, celery,onion (or leek, if you prefer) medium dice (add more veg if you see fit!! This is very basic recipe)

- [ ] 3 cloves crushed garlic ( you can use more if you want, this is an approximation. Also garlic helps with blood flow so, if you are using it as a remedy you can’t reeeeaaaaally have too much)

- [ ] 1-3 bay leaves

- [ ] To personal taste : salt, pepper, parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme and any other spices you would like

- [ ] How to do the thing:

- [ ] Early in the day ( this shit takes a while) take your whole chicken and place it in the stock pot. Just barely cover with water , add salt and pepper. Let it simmer until the meat is tender and falling off the bones. Use your handy dandy tongs to aid in this process!! Add vinegar and veggies and the bay leafs and other spices. Add more liquid as need it will reduce down quite a bit. Simmer for one and a half to two hours more (add more liquid if you feel it has cooked down too much) . Remove bones and serve!!!

- [ ] Note: you can add egg noodles to the broth at the tail end or make them separately and add later. (That’s where the colander comes in handy)Me, I don’t like noodles in my chicken soup, I know, I’m a weirdo.

The magic: While I cook this I visualise being healthy, I put my will in while I stir and think of my mother, warm and wonderful woman that she is. If you feel the need say a spell over it, weave your words as you stir ( clockwise). If you have quartz charged, set it near the stove or on the lid for the stock pot while you cook.

HAPPY cooking my dears!!

Russ, J. (1983). How to suppress women’s writing. University of Texas Press.

The cover of Russ’s book does an excellent job of summarising its main argument: that women’s writing is deliberately devalued in a range of ways. It’s on the wrong subject matter, it’s the wrong genre, it’s morally objetionable, it’s not proper art. In 1983 Russ wasn’t writing specifically about fan fiction (yet), but fan fiction readers and writers will recognise these tactics employed against them. “She wrote about men banging! And it most definitely isn’t art - it’s derivative and unoriginal!”

One of my favourite moments in the book comes towards the end, when after some self-reflection Russ realises that she and other white women within academia and the feminist movement have been employing exactly the same tactics to devalue Black women’s writing. With recent debates on race in both fandom and Fan Studies, this powerful moment of realisation is worth keeping in mind.

Image description:

The cover of How to suppress women’s writing by Joanna Russ, which consists of the following text:

She didn’t write it. But if it’s clear she did the deed… She wrote it but she shouldn’t have. (It’s political, sexual, masculine, feminist.) She wrote it, but look what she wrote about. (The bedroom, the kitchen, her family. Other women!) She wrote it, but she wrote only one of it. (“Jane Eyre. Poor dear, that’s all she ever… “) She wrote it, but she isn’t really an artist, and it isn’t really art. (It’s a thriller, a romance, a children’s book. It’s sci fi!) She wrote it, but she had help. (Robert Browning. Branwell Brontë. Her own “masculine side.”) She wrote it, but she’s an anomaly. (Woolf. With Leonard’s help…) She wrote it BUT

Imagine Your OTP
  • Person A didn't want to go home after a group hangout and went home with Person B. Person B is awkwardly showing off the house.
  • OTP: *walks into Person B's bedroom*
  • Person A: *sees Person B's swiss army knife*
  • Person A: *takes it*
  • Person A: *idly plays with it while B is talking*
  • Person B: *doesn't notice or notice care*
  • Person B: And then we ha--
  • Person A: OW! *clutches thumb*
  • Person B: Are yOU okay?
  • Person A: *winces* Yeah, I'm fine. *attempts to look at the wound* Oh, I'm bleeding.
  • Person B: *hurriedly rushes A to the kitchen*
  • B's Family Member: What's going on here? I-is that blood?
  • Person A: *winces as Person B disinfects the wound* Fuc-- Ffffff ... *strained* the situation is under control.
8

“I’m still lost. And I am never coming back. And it’s all your fault.”