the faith of a writer

When you describe the one true ship 

When you celebrate your ship with other members of the ship

When your friends inspect your fine endgame canon ship

When you have too much faith in the writers handling your ship

When your friends notice how beautiful your ship is

When your ship is in trouble

When the writers hate your ship

When the writers realise they made a mistake by ruining your ship

When your NOTP is the most popular ship in the fandom

When your ship is long gone and deteriorated into the abyss of the ocean

One day you are going to find someone who loves you more than you love life itself. And this person will make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else. 

One day, you will see all the cities you fell in love with through photographs and meet people who resemble the characters in your favorite novels. 

One day, your dreams will come true.

I am the one before the one.

It’s a role I’ve learned to accept.

I am the one who will overload your senses, I am far too much of everything, but you will try to encompass all that I am. I will be the one who teaches you exactly what you want from “the one.” With me you will see things as though the lights were turned too high on the dimmer so that you could only see me and the music too loud that you couldn’t quite hear anybody else. With the next girl you end up with she will shine just brightly enough that you will be able to see everything you couldn’t see with me and the volume of her music will not leave you deaf when the song ends.
I will help you grow by pushing you to the extent of your limit, I will call you out when you’re wrong, I will ask you to do a little better than last time, and I will love you with a love you didn’t even know could exist.
It will feel as though one hand I’ve given you to hold holds all the love in the world and the other holds the words my tongue lashes out with no filter. But with those hands you will learn both the love you deserve and how to finally not hold back how you truly feel. These hands will teach you to speak freely without fear of condemnation and condescending judgements. They will teach you to love and touch everything that you find beautiful as you pull your hands through her hair or frolic through a patch of flowers and pull the petals to your face to smell their fragrance.
You see after me, you’ll learn not only how to love yourself, but love her. She will tell you that she’s never experienced a love quite like yours and you’ll never tell the secret that you learned it from me.

You see, I am the one before the one.

But like that scar you got from scraping your knee on the climb up your favorite mountain, you won’t forget me.
When pieces of her emanate me, I will be present in the breath you hold in just a second too long at the memory of me, the sharp feeling on your tongue as you bite down as my name starts to slip through your mouth, the butterflies in your stomach as you remember the way my eyes lit up at your presence. Her smooth edges that represent who she is will often remind you of my jagged edges, the ones that cut you but you still loved to climb. And for all those moments you’re reminded of me, you’ll touch your knee and realize you hadn’t climbed your favorite mountain to your favorite view in a while. You’ll wonder if instead of the common smooth edged rock you’d found on the ground, the one you could buy for five dollars at your local farmers market, you could’ve had a fine cut diamond with jagged edges.
And as you look into her eyes and see your reflection you’ll wonder if the pressure of my love could’ve made you a diamond as well.

—  I am the one before the one

Dear Shameless writers,
Please don’t turn Shameless into ANOTHER disappointment for the LGBTQIA community. What I mean by that, is I can probably count the number of gay couples with a happy ending on one hand (I mean solidly happy not “ahhh well… THIS could have happened and it didn’t so it’s happy FOR an LGBTQIA storyline. I mean fucking walking off into the sunset happily fucking ever after endings that give us cavities). Meanwhile it’s a treat to see straight films and shows where the couple DOESN’T have a happy ending. Why? Because it’s realistic and refreshing after seeing a million examples where everything suddenly works out in the end. But you know which characters seldom have these kinds of endings? Basically any LGBTQIA couple in media ever.
Please give Ian and Mickey happily ever after endings (with each other if I’m not asking too much). So by that I mean not Trevor in Ian’s case. It’s not that I dislike Trevor, it’s that there is NO chemistry. Think Ruby Rose in season 3 of OITNB. Literally only there to cause conflict but without the chemistry goodies to back it up. Trevor is a Mickey distraction gone wrong. Though he has certainly opened discussions about Trans issues and gender identity as a whole, and I’ll forever appreciate that, the fact is to have Ian end up with Trevor would be a lie because Trevor is not the love of Ian’s life… Mickey is.
Mickey deserves better for reasons I could rattle off in another post, but the bottom line is they both deserve to be with the man who makes them strive to be better, do more, be more–to be with the one who makes them happy beyond anyone else ever could, who makes even the rainiest of days only partly cloudy if not completely sunny.
Please, please, please Shameless writers; do Noel Fisher and Cameron Monaghan justice, do Gallavich justice, give Ian and Mickey the ending they deserve, and finally, do the LGBTQIA community a huge solid and let us have ONE more happy ending to add to the painfully short list. Lots of gay people watched this show with hope after Mickey came out… and look where it got him. We need to see these happy endings especially now because they ARE POSSIBLE in real life, but there are still so many closeted gay people (like Mickey) who need to see that everything CAN turn out okay, if only for some comfort if not for a little encouragement to be open with who they are. I am not demanding, but requesting and pleading to PLEASE not do the LGBTQIA dirty and give us another fallen through pairing. Please give Gallavich the ending they deserve and let them walk off into their south side sunset. Oh, and please go ahead and tell us soon (like, now, please!) Whether or not Noel is coming back so we can finally prepare ourselves for full heartbreak if it turns out he isn’t. I know I’d still watch the show, and if Mickey is truly gone even just for the season, I would like some preparation.

A hopeful Gallavich fan losing hope day by day without news.

When You're Not Really "Killin' It"

Or: When You’re Barely Scraping By and You’re Afraid This is All There is.

Here’s what I ate for lunch today: freezer burned Tyson chicken nuggets (they were gross to start with… which is most likely why they’re freezer burned), left over pasta that cost a dollar (and tasted like it was worth a dollar) and some ginger dressing I was afraid would go bad.

I currently don’t have a cell phone because mine stopped working and I haven’t been able to afford a new one. 

My guess tank is barely hovering over that hollow “E” for “you’re going to end up on the side of the road soon.” 

Meanwhile, I have seen Instagram posts and Facebook updates and Snapchat stories of spring break celebrations and promotions and everything else under the sun. 

I got a nail in my tire. Instead of being able to patch it, they had to replace it. 

As I was explaining my woes to a near and dear friend, I rushed to explain that I understand I’m blessed.

I flew into the things I’m thankful for: the fact that I did have food on the table, and at least I had other forms of contact, and I had a safe environment, I have a car to drive, etc.

She replied with cool words for the ache deep inside me: “it’s okay to struggle.

And I suppose that’s the word we’re all so afraid of: struggle. 
It is not a word neatly tied with a red bow. 
It is a menacing word with gnashing teeth and strong jaws. 
It is dark and acrid.

We don’t enjoy struggling. 

I’d dare say that we hate struggling. 

But it is in our struggle that we are blessed.

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces
endurance,  and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been
poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. 
Romans 5:3-5

Suffering, struggling, produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope… 

That’s what I need. 

That’s what I need in the midst of this chaotic whorl-wind of to-dos and must haves and bills to be paid. 

Is that what you need, too? 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11 

There it is. There’s that hope we’ve been looking for. 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to take care of all of the things that ail you, to heal you, and to breathe life inside of all of those places you’re afraid will never come alive again.” 

“I will take care of your finances. Praise me in the meantime.”

“I will heal your broken heart. Praise me in the meantime.”

“I am enough for you.”

He is here with us in our struggle, my dear friend. He knows all about it. And He’s moving mountains and parting seas and healing the blind all to make miracles happen for you. 
And for me. 

We just have to praise Him through our struggling. 

And we just have to praise Him when we’re back to killin’ it, too. 

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God. 
Psalm 42:11

-31Women (Ansley)

If you reblog a fanfiction on Tumblr please consider just babbling randomly in the tags. It’s really quick and it can often brighten a writers day or restore their faith in their work. It’s likely also be some of the only feedback they get.

Your don’t have to step out of your comfort zone.
You merely have to expand it.
And you can do this by taking a small vacation from it every now and then.

Don’t forget to carry the essentials:

Not a care for what others say
Faith in yourself
Spirit to try again

Understand that this is new territory and you don’t have a map or gps. It’s all you. And that’s enough.

It’s important to say what hope is not: it is not the belief that everything was, is, or will be fine. The evidence is all around us of tremendous suffering and tremendous destruction. The hope I’m interested in is about broad perspectives with specific possibilities, ones that invite or demand that we act. It’s also not a sunny everything-is-getting-better narrative, though it may be a counter to the everything-is-getting-worse narrative. You could call it an account of complexities and uncertainties, with openings.

Rebecca Solnit

Needing heavy rewrites during the editing stage doesn’t make you a bad writer.

It makes you a writer who is learning new skills and growing in your craft.
It makes you a writer who cares about your story.
It makes you a writer with enough faith in your work to put effort into it.

It makes you a better writer then the writer you were yesterday.

So don’t give up on your work just because it needs multiple rewrites. Every time your scene, chapter, or book gets better, so do your writing skills.  

On that faithful day, Jesus rose again. He rolled the stone, shed his linens, and ventured into the world. Back into the world that grieved and mourned and scorned and hated. Back into the same world that threw stones at him, ridiculed him, and took his earthly life. Yet, he came back. And he is coming back again. Share my teachings, he said. Let my people know what I have come to say. Let my people, those who scorned and mocked and threw, let them know I am returning. 

Easter Sunday is more than dyed eggs and melted chocolates.
It is a promise. 

We, too, will rise from our graves. We will rise from the graves of sin and shame and fear and ascend to a world we could never even dream about. We will shed our linens and our skin and trade them for a life everlasting. 

All because of that faithful day that Jesus rolled a stone away.

He is risen. He is risen, indeed. 

Happy Easter. Here is to a new beginning. 

-31Women (Ansley)

I couldn’t be any more grateful
for having you—
you who lit the light
before anyone else does—
someone who standstill before me.
—  J.D.

- listening to sad songs
- reading old letters
- reading old chats
- stalking their social media
- writing about them
- meeting mutual friends to talk about them
- telling the new people you meet about them. That’s like extending their life in your story.
- thinking up scenarios of crossing paths with them years later