the fact that he's dead is making me cry

Nobody!!! is talking!! about!! NEWT’S! LAST! WORDS! TO! MINHO!!!!!!!!!!

“Thank you, Minho.”

Newt knew he was going to die. He was thanking Minho not just for leaving to get the serum, but for everything. For everything he had done for him. With him. For giving him a second chance. For being his friend. 

Can you imagine how meaningful being saved from attempted suicide can be to the person who attempted it? How empty Newt felt. How he had lost all hope. And then Minho found him. Minho gave him hope. He gave him a second chance. 

Minho and Newt meant the world to each other. Newt put Minho’s life above his own (like he would for anyone he cares deeply about) despite the fact that he was afraid of losing himself to the flare. He wanted Minho to have a second chance. When Minho saw that Newt was dead, he collapsed onto his knees. He was so distraught that his body gave out on him. 

Minewt is a special and underrated ship. It is not given the recognition it deserves. I think that needs to change. 

The Date

It was a first date peppered with those strange little questions to fill the silence. It already was not going well.

“So,” he asks, “what’s it like to be a nurse?”

‘What’s it like?’ I  think.
‘It is first thing in the morning a drive-by glance of your two patients telling you that, one will need more attention, more support, more everything. It is clear that this patient is flirting with the white light and it is your job to keep him on this side.  It is overwhelming guilt for the other patient getting less of you.  It is lifting an average of 3,600 pounds a shift, resulting in back pain and physical exhaustion.   It is the burden of knowing that the information you relay to the rest of the team can and will define the course of this patient’s treatment.  It is a couple of minutes to give a stack of medicines to a life so vulnerable. You do this with the awareness that it takes a fraction of a second to make a fatal mistake.  It is having that amount of power with an equal amount of self-doubt. At changing volumes through the shift, your internal monologue asks (screams, whispers)  “What am I missing?” It is loving your coworkers with fierce loyalty.   We’ve seen it too many times; usually, the first step in a hospital is to “blame the nurse.” It is no sleep the night before work because there is no mute for the midnight narrative “What will I face? What if I miss something? What if I cannot make the docs listen?”  It is turning your patient during CPR,  disconnecting the bag, watching as a liter of fluid pours out, and knowing that that fluid from his lungs is effectively drowning him.   It’s continuing CPR for two hours on that man before his family understands he is not coming back. It is feeling the most profound sympathy for them, but also some resentment. They are making me continue this; they are making me torture this lifeless body. It is leaving the hospital after thirteen and a half hours bone tired, dead on your feet, and in ten short hours, you will be back in these doors. It is quiet tears on the drive home for several reasons.  A man died on your watch; you shed tears for him and his family.  You also cry for yourself and the fact that you have to do it again tomorrow.’

The question lingers “What’s it like to be a nurse?"  I decide to give my standard answer "It’s good, never boring. I work with amazing people.”

We talk some more about our families and colleges. He asks what I did for Christmas. I  answered with a smile “Work; I did not want my coworkers with young kids stuck at the hospital. They needed the day off more than I  did.”

His reply was shock mixed with arrogance and judgment. “I would never work the holiday.”

I had to bite my tongue to keep from providing the litany of reasons he was wrong. “People do not stop getting sick on Christmas, and  I believe helping another person is just about the most relevant thing one can do on Christmas. What did you do? Open socks from Santa?” I did not say it. Instead, I changed the subject.

There was no second date.

What she says: I’m fine

What she means: Bellamy Blake is so underrated in season one, people say he is an asshole when he is in fact just trying to protect his sister like he always does. People don’t even understand his character development and how wonderful he is. People also underestimate Murphy so much because he is such a interesting character with multiple layers and a character development that make me wanna scream because it’s so fucking good. Raven Reyes is so strong and amazing, at this point I don’t even know if I wanna be her, want her as my leader or want her in my pants. Lexa is still dead and that alone makes me wanna cry. Just Octavia. Octavia. And Jasper, such a tortured soul who saw the girl he loved die by the hand of his friends. And Monty, cinnamon roll to pure, to kind for this cruel world. also this show kinda makes me wanna stab myself multiple time

I Can’t Save Her: Part 32

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Angst, References of Death

Catch Up Here

Word Count: 1251

Summary: You have been with the Avengers for three years and during that time you have developed a close friendship with Bucky. When you discover another woman in Bucky’s room you begin to question what your true feelings are for him.

Author’s Notes: If you were hoping things would get better after part 31… well… you’re going to be disappointed. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT READ PART 31 – MAJOR SPOILERS.

Originally posted by theperkybuttofrdj

Originally posted by heartbreakhur

There is nothing beautiful about inching your way towards death. When it is slow – we call it life. When it is quick – we call it sickness or an emergency. The reality is – we all die – even the heroes. If we’re lucky we get the happy ending – the normal life – for a few years before… but more times than not we run to death with open arms, because you can only protect so much before sacrificing yourself. As I stared into the darkness I knew I wasn’t dead yet. There was still a little spark left in me, but I was so tired… I longed for it to end. I just wanted to float into oblivion.

“Just let it end,” I whispered into the void.

“What end?” I heard a familiar voice as I felt a warmth presence envelope my hand. I suddenly became aware of the sound of machinery near me as I fought to open my eyes. I was being pulled out of the fog and darkness and back into the world. I blinked several times before recognizing the person sitting beside me.

“Tony?” I croaked softly as my eyes adjusted to the light. I was becoming increasingly aware of the pain that throbbed in my stomach and arm. “Where… where am I?” I asked. I couldn’t remember much of what had led me to being here.

“You’re at Clint’s. We set up a quasi-medical room in one of his extra bedrooms. You’re safe,” Tony added with a soft squeeze of my hand.

Scenes of blood and screams flashed through my mind. I couldn’t remember what was real and what were dreams anymore. “What…what happened to me?” I asked as my eyes flitted to my bandaged abdomen. I struggled to sit up before the fiery pain overtook me and my head fell helplessly back onto the pillow.

“Take it easy, kid. You’ve lost a lot of blood. You were attacked on your way into the courthouse,” Tony answered hesitantly. His answer gripped inside of me as I felt myself starting to shake. Bits and pieces of my memories were slowly starting to surface.

“Where is Steve?” I asked frantically, bolting upright despite the crippling pain.

“Y/N! You need to lay back down… you can’t…”

“Where is Steve?!” I demanded again as my vision clouded with tears. I wasn’t sure which pain was worse – the physical pain or the pain of knowing what Tony would say next.

Tony sighed sadly as he gently helped me lay back down. “He didn’t…” his voice cracked as his eyes glistened with tears. “He didn’t make it.” I bit the inside of my cheek to stifle my cry as tears pricked at my eyes. It hurt to cry – it hurt to do breathe, and all the pain reminded me of was the fact that I was alive and Steve was dead. Tony gently wiped the tears away. “You need to rest, kid. You need to heal. F.R.I.D.A.Y. call in the doctor to see if it’s time for Y/N’s medication. Please let him know that she is awake.” Tony proceeded to stand up and walk to the doors.

“Tony?” I whispered through tears as he turned to look at me with his hand on the doorknob.

“Yeah, kid?”

“You should have let me die,” I whispered before closing my eyes and praying that I would fall back into oblivion.


“Tony?” I asked tiredly as I forced my eyes to open slowly.

“Yeah kid?” he answered wearily. It had been a few days since I had woken up the first time. Before that I had been asleep for three days. Even now I fought to maintain consciousness. As desperately as I hated being awake I just as desperately held onto it until I couldn’t anymore. I needed to know what happened. I needed to know why two of the people I loved were not there with me.

“Steve… he’s,” I muttered tiredly. I could tell by Tony’s tired sigh that I repeated this like a mantra every time I woke. “He’s dead, isn’t he?” I asked quietly.

“Yes – yes, he is,” Tony answered just as quietly.

“Where’s Bucky?” I asked through tears. I hadn’t ever managed to verbalize this question before. I couldn’t deal with the pain of losing Steve alone.

Tony’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Y/N, I need to tell you something, but first you have to promise me something,” he whispered as his thumb traced the veins on the back of my hand.

“What?” I asked wearily. I felt like I couldn’t promise anything – not honestly.

“No matter what happens next you have to promise me you won’t give up kid. You’re part of our…. You’re part of my family, and I’ve lost enough family for a lifetime. Deal?” he asked as his eyes gleamed with tears.

It was as I looked into Tony’s eyes and saw the deep sorrow that he usually hid so well that I understood. This wasn’t about me anymore. I could give up – I could never get out of this bed again. It would be the easiest option. It would be the most selfish. I looked at Tony and I saw a man that had lost more than one family – a man living through his past trauma, but trying his best to be strong for those that were still here. I looked into his eyes and I knew I had to make that promise, and I had to honor it. “I promise,” I whispered as a tear slid down my cheek. Tony cleared his throat uncomfortably as he shifted his eyes away from me. The anxiety that followed his movements was almost crippling. “Please – just tell me.”

“Fury kept his promise. Barnes was in D.C. at the time of the attack. Of course, if we had known you were going to be attacked… well it may have been better if he had been here,” Tony sighed to himself as he hung his head in his hands.

“What?” I managed to choke out. I could feel the hysteria trying to desperately claw its way out of me. I was afraid if it broke free I would never be able to control it again. “Tony, what?” I demanded impatiently.

Tony looked up at me again and grimaced. “Everyone thinks you’re dead,” he explained matter-of-factly.

“Excuse me?” I asked in alarm as I struggled to sit up. Tony’s firm hand on my shoulder prevented me from getting far.

“Y/N, we don’t know who is responsible for this attack, and we don’t know if they were targeting you or Steve,” Tony tried to explain calmly.

“You don’t know? You don’t fucking know? Are you kidding me Tony? You know exactly who is responsible! You know they were going after me! Where the fuck is Bucky?!” I yelled frantically. In my mind I could see Bucky – alone – thinking the two people he cared about the most were dead.

“Barnes is M.I.A. Fury is doing everything he can to find him, but it’s like he’s vanished into thin air after the attack. We think that there’s a possibility…” Tony’s words halted as his face contorted with pain.

“What? There’s a possibility that what?” I demanded.

“There’s a possibility that Bucky could have been involved,” Tony replied.

And just like that – my hysteria burst through every defense I had and I floated into a dark cloud of misery. I never thought I would long for the feeling of inching towards my demise – God, I was wrong.


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Crazy love

Offering number 2 for fluff appreciation day! This one is inspired by a dialogue line given to me by Mel AKA @fictionalabyss who is in the process of moving over her mammoth SLD fic and needs something to keep her focused! Hope you enjoy love :)

Word count: 464 (dialogue line given to me is bolded)

Characters: Dean x Reader, Yvonne and Natalie (who are my real life best friends lol)

Warnings: Dean self sabotaging himself, relationship angst, protective best friends, fluffy ending


“You must be mad, coming here like this.” says Yvonne.

All Dean can do is stand there, silently, waiting for one of your bar staff to take pity on him and go fetch you.

“That or he’s in love.” cackles Natalie from where she’s wiping down tables.

“Please. Could you just let her know I’m here?” Dean has never thought of himself as a begging kind of man, but if it gets you out here quicker he’d gladly drop to his knees right now.

What feels like an hour but is barely a few minutes later, Dean watches as Yvonne finishes cashing up the till and head upstairs to the office he knows you are hiding in. Another long moment passes, and then you’re stood in front of him.

“Y/N….”

“I’m sorry Dean!” you half sob, interrupting him before he can get out the carefully thought out apology he spent the entire car journey coming up with.

“Oh sweetheart. You don’t have to be sorry for anything.” Leading you over to one of the stools at the bar, Dean is only vaguely aware of the fact that your best friends have disappeared.

Running his thumbs under your red eyes, he leans down and kisses your cheek.

“Look, I was an idiot. A huge, dumb, ridiculous idiot.”

“What does that make me then?!” you half laugh, half cry.

“The best bloody thing that ever happened to me sweetheart. I am so far out of your league it’s unreal.”

“Dean…”

“And I’ve been deliberately picking fights with you. Because I’d rather you were heartbroken then dead. I’m terrified of some monster using you to get to me. I’m even more terrified that they’ll do it and I won’t be quick enough, good enough, to save you.”

Sitting there, your emotions are all over the place. On the one hand you want to punch him for actually getting into arguments with you, but on the other you want to pull him into your arms and reassure him how great of a man he really is.

“You know, Eves and Nat are both right.”

“What?” Dean is looking so confused right now, that you have to bite back a giggle.

“People do mad things when they’re in love.” Dean opens his mouth, but you’re quick to keep talking “Dean Winchester, I love you. And if I’m the best thing to ever happen to you, then without a doubt this relationship was meant to be. Because there is no other man on this planet I would rather date.”

Sliding off the stool, you pull Dean to his feet.

“Now, if you ever do something like that again, I’m gonna kick you in the ass. But right now can we just go home?”

“I’ll buy the Chinese.”

“That’s my boy.”


Tag, you’re it:

@bringmesomepie56 @supernatural-jackles @amanda-teaches @acreativelydifferentlove @akshi8278 @blacktithe7 @bradygabrielle-blog @charliebradbury1104 @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog @emilywritesaboutdean @grace-for-sale @georgialouisea @goldenolaf25 @impala-dreamer @jayankles @katymacsupernatural @kathaswings @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @luci-in-trenchcoats @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @livelikeawinchester @megansescape @mandilion76 @notnaturalanahi @percywinchester27 @pinknerdpanda @queen-of-deans-booty @reigningqueenofwords @ravengirl94 @rhapsody-in-flannel @sis-tafics @super100012 @sukanya99 @sofreddie @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @trexrambling @u-snavi @winchesters-favorite-girl @wheresthekillswitch @wi-deangirl77

I don’t know about y'all but I cried like a baby watching the entire episode of The Walking Dead. Like damn this episode done messed me up.

  • CARL FUCKING DIED. He was.. Is one of original hearts and souls of the show.
  • My heart breaks for Michonne and Rick.
  • Those Judith moments were so sweet.. Especially the picture Carl took of them together. Also the speech he said to her. ❤
  • Michonne calling Carl her best friend. ❤
  • I don’t care what anyone says, at the end of the day, Michonne WAS/IS Carl’s second mom. (I just wished Carl would have called her mom at least one time.)
  • Rick is out for blood. Especially after this. I don’t even blame him. But at the same time he also wants to make Carl proud.
  • I’m here for Uncle Daryl holding Judith. And still looking scary af. Give me more of that.
  • Morgan needs to take a chill pill but also, keep being a psycho Morgan. Bad people need to die.
  • Oh! I’m still crying at the fact that Carl left people notes!
  • ENID IS GOING TO BE SO HEARTBROKEN. Fuck.
  • What kind of fuckery is Negan in the dream sequence?!

Talking Dead

  • Andrew Lincoln’s speech about Chandler was adorable and you can just tell that there was so much love
  • Hell, even the cast talking about chandler, you can tell there’s love there.
  • Knowing that Danai was an emotional mess on his last day❤
  • I loved the way Chandler talked about Danai. There’s so much respect and love there. I hope they work together in the future
  • Hell, I want Danai, Andrew and Chandler to work together again lol.
Lance Week: Family

Isabella sits in the kitchen. Dinner will be soon. She looks over to the picture of Lance at the Garrison. She picks it up and sighs. Oh mi hijo. How I miss you she thinks.

When they had first announced the disappearance of her son and those two other children she and her husband had stormed over there and demanded that they find him. 

It had been seven years since that day.

And they hadn’t found him.

Isabella was beginning to sob now. Her poor, precious son. He had always yearned for the stars and now he was there according to the Garrison. But Isabella knew her boy was alive somewhere. A mother always knows. She held the picture tight when suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was probably Carmen’s twins. They had been born four years ago and were named Lance and Antonio. Lance named after the uncle he never met.

She went to the door only to find a handsom young man. He had stubble, a soft looking pony tail, a scar on his cheek and chin, and a very familiar jacket…

“Lance?!”

“Hi mama.”

Isabella flung herself at her precious boy sobbing her eyes out. Her son was crying as well and they were a puddle of tears before long.

“Hey don’t make grandma cry!”

“Wha-hey!”

The twins. Back from swimming were hitting Lance on the legs.

“Mama these two are too young to be Alice and Jean? Who are they?”

“Why did you call grandma ‘mama’? Your not her kid”

“Actually. Lance, Antonio. Meet your Uncle Lance.”

“What? Are you serious? I thought he was dead.”

“What I have a nephew named after me?! I’m like Fry from Futurama!”

“Young man what have been watching?” Isabella knew for a fact he hadn’t watched that show because she made sure he didn’t.

“Uh… Space Netflix?”

“What?!”

“Let’s go inside. I have a lot of things to tell yo.”

The portion of a family walked inside the small house by the sea. Not knowing the story that awaited them.

Please stay with me tonight (Draco x Reader)

You can read Part 2 here!


It was two in the morning when you finally decided that you crawl out from your bed after hours and hours suffering. You went to bed early because you were tired, but when your soul is exhausted it’s not something that sleep is going to fix. You take on a big hoodie and tiptoed out from your dorm, went down the common room to the dungeon’s corridor. It was a silent but snowy night outside, so when you were on the third floor you sit up on a window sill and started staring the landscape.

Sixth year at Hogwarts, but something has always tickled your brain. You loved here, you had a lot of friends - even from other houses. And yes, it was a big deal, because most of the students was prejudiced towards the Slytherins. You hate that, because you loved your house. There were mean people in there, yes, but you also got some really good friends, even your bests. Despite of this, you decided that you’ll show that you’re not what everybody thinks of Slytherins. You were kind with others, helpful, and sometimes saved those innocent first years from your abusive housemates. Firstly they didn’t approve that much, but your tounge was sharp and your mind was quick, so after a bit time everybody decided that it’s better if they’re not messing with you. You didn’t like to hurt other people’s feelings, but your ego never lets to shut your mouth if somebody started picking on you.

As a pureblooded Slytherin, your aunt was very proud of you, although you never really cared about blood status. You tired to be kind with everyone. Like a Hufflepuff. Sometimes you were brave like a Gryffindor, you studied nearly as much as a Ravenclaw, and you were proud and ambitious like a Slytherin. And because of this, you felt you don’t fit in anywhere.

You heard footsteps in the distance, so you placed your hand in your wand, just in case.
The shape came closer, and you saw the boy’s pale face. The face that look much paler on the snowy night’s light, the face that could look even scary if his lips didn’t smirk at you when the blue-grey eyes recognised you. The face that you loved and hated to see at the same time. 

„What are you doing here, darling? It’s almos three in the morning.” - Draco asked, smirk still on his face, but also looked concerned.

„I could ask the same for you.”

„You see, I’m a prefect, so I have to. In the other hand, you should be on your bed. I should punish you…” - he winked at you, smiling. Always the jokes. You didn’t answer, you wasn’t in the mood for jokes. Especially not with your crush. Because who else could be your crush than the boy who think nobody is good enough for him? The truth is, you were hopelessly in love with him. You always had a little crush on him since your first years, but in the last two years it’s just grew bigger. It started when he accidentally caught you crying; you didn’t tell him why and he didn’t forced you, but he comforted you. From that day, you had a lot of deep conversations and he opened up to you completely. You could finally see that he has a soft side and how much he deserve to be loved. Despite of this you didn’t tell him you felt in love with him. He was too important to you now, and you didn’t want to scare him or ruin your friendship.

„Are you okay?” - he continued after you turned your head from him. You were just about to cry, and you were sure that if he didn’t stop to push you, you’ll cry. He stepped closer to you and gently put his hand on your back - it was enough you to shiver. Even if he was your best friend, he almost never touched you or hugged you in front people; he didn’t like the idea that others may accidentally realize that he has a soft side and his heart is not made from ice and stones.

„I’m okay, Draco, just coudn’t sleep. That potion test coming soon and you know, I’m overstressed and all, so I’m just came here.” - his face expression told that he didn’t believe what you said. You didn’t even believed what you said. 

„Stop it, Y/L/N. What’s happened? Is somebody hurt you?”

What’s wrong? Well, everything.

 „No, of course not. I rather going to sleep. Night!” - you climbed down from the window sill and were about to go, but Draco caught your wrist, a bit too hard, and pulled you closer to himself. He slowly make one more step closer to you and released your wrist, but a moment later his hand was on your cheek. Now you were really close to crying.

 „Sweetheart, even if you’re a good liar, I know you too well”. - Not well enough, because in that case you should know that I’m crazy for you. „So, please tell me, who hurt you?”

 „Nobody, really.” – You brushed away his hand from your face. – „Just…” - you started and looked up him in the eye, in his beautiful, grey eyes that looked like a morning sky after a big storm. His face was serious, he really cared about what you wanted to say, and it was enough for you to stop talking and hug him. He was speechless, and you hugged him so hard like you were afraid that if you don’t, you will falling.

 „Y/N…” - he wishpered, very quiet, while he was place one of his hands on your waist, and the other on your head, gently stroke your hair. „Talk to me, darling. Tell me what’s wrong.”

 The fact that he is holding you in his arms, the feeling of his touch and his gentle words melted you; you didn’t want to cry anymore, you just wanted to be in his arms.

 „I’m tired, Draco. Everybody think that I’m so pleased with my perfect life, but I’m not. And I miss you, I hardly see you nowadays. Please don’t leave me you too.” – your voice was low, and a memory of your dead family makes the tears fall out from your eyes, down on your cheek. Draco gently pushed you away with a confused look.

 „What do you mean? „Me too”?”

 You never talked about your parents to your friends. Not even with him. Now you felt you should.

 „My family…” Deep breath. „My father was an auror. He was very obsessed with capture every Death Eaters. He was way too much reckless.” – Tears falling down on your cheek, but you stayed calm. The pale boy cup your face one of his hands and wiped of your tears.

„Two years ago dark wizards killed them along with my nine year old brother.”

 There was a deep silence, and you was about to say something, when he asked you.

 „Why didn’t you tell me? Or anyone?”

 „I don’t wanted you or anyone else to feel sorry for me!” – you cried. – „I didn’t need that. I only need that you to stay close to me!” – your voice was desperate and tearful. You wonder when was the last time when anybody see you in this condition; probably sometime in your childhood.

 „Listen, love.” – his stormy eyes looking at yours, and maybe if yours wouldn’t have been tearful, you’d saw that his was full of tears too. – „I will never ever let you go. I’ll never leave you alone, you hear me? If you need me, come to me. I won’t push you ever again, love.” – he pulled you closer, kissed you on your forehead, and you couldn’t say a word anymore, just sobbing in silence. His calm voice and the way that he called you love made you relaxed. He could always find a way to comfort you.

He accompanied you back to the Slytherin common room. You sat down on a couch, pointed on a fireplace with your wand while you murmured „incdendio”. The fire warmed you up immediately. Draco was still holding your hand, since you refused to let him go even for a moment in the hallways, but now he pulled away.

„Please stay with me tonight.” – you said quickly with a trembling voice. Firstly he stared at you like he doesn’t want to, but then he smiled at you, picked up a blanket from the couch, and sat back down next to you. You pulled up your legs on the couch and placed your head on Draco’s shoulder while he embraced you and slowly stroked your arm.

„Don’t keep secrets from me, Y/N. I want to help you, and it hurts if I see you like this way. I’m so sorry that happened to you, I couldn’t even imagine… but you really shouldn’t suppress your feelings.” – he whispered, his head againts yours.

„Funny that you’re saying that, Mr. Always Express My Feelings.” You could sense that he was smiling even if you didn’t saw his face.

„Yes, very funny. Now promise me that you’ll always talk to me if something or someone hurt you.”

„Okay. I promise.”

You hated to lie to him, but no way you’ll tell you’re in love with him. There were silence after that and both of you fell asleep.

What you didn’t know is he had a very same problem with his feelings about you.


Masterlist

anonymous asked:

Mama, these past few months have been horrible. My roommates in college treated me like shit even though all I ever did was go out of my way to help them. The bullying got so bad that I had to drop out of college. When I came back home, my mother and brother mocked me for faking my depression, saying that I just needed an excuse to stay lazy. My mom says that my failed suicide attempts were just an act to gain attention. My dad doesn't say much but I know he's disappointed. I wish I was dead.

Oh love, I’m sorry to hear that. I hate it when people dismiss suicide attempts as a cry for attention, like it’s still a suicide attempt? And that’s pretty goddamn bad, no matter the intention? If my child attempted to end their life I’d do anything to make them feel better, like what the heck do people not get about stuff like this? It’s not normal to hurt yourself in any way on a regular or extreme basis and the fact that people don’t see this makes me sick. 

I hope you get a chance to get professional help, but also to maybe get into a better surrounding where you can be safer and get more positive vibes, maybe like moving in with someone who’s more understanding. 

Depression should definitely be treated properly, when it lasts longer (which it seems to do from what it sounds like). I know you’re not lazy, I’m sure you try your best to get things done, and I know it’s hard, but please try to keep it up and be strong. this might not be the best part of your life, but it’s a part, which also means better parts will come. Please stay tough, I love you so much, please live on! Even if it doesn’t seem like it there’s so much to live for!

i used like 8 shades of brown and 6 shades of pink for his hair

fun fact: he’s wearing the white shirt, which he wears at the end of the musical. This means he’s dead in this picture.

my sister told me to draw this again, but this time, make him holding a wilted rose, make him crying and make him wearing the teal/light blue/green shirt

All Hell Breaks Loose Part One- Part 3

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1,932

Warnings: Typical Supernatural violence, language, angst, minor character death, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. If you’re a junkie for this sort of thing, then a tag list is the right thing for you! If you want to be a Queen, I’ll add you to that list too! Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

AHHHH This season is almost done!!!!! Just ONE more episode left! If you’ve been catching along with this series, this and the next episodes is what I wan to hear your thoughts on!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

Originally posted by eternalwincest

You jolted up with a gasped, seeing how it was morning already. You were glad no one killed or tried to kill you in your sleep. You woke up to Jake screaming at you and Sam to wake up. You looked over at Sam to see him jolt awake from the nightmare he probably had.

“Sam! Y/N! Wake up! Ava is missing!” Jake said, his eyes wide. That got you and Sam right up and the three of you rushed outside to go find her.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Wait is there something wrong with Steven moffat?? Thank you!

i spent a lot of time trying to find people smarter than i am to answer this, but i’ll start with my personal opinions first.

i don’t like how steven moffat treats his characters. specifically his female characters. they all seem to end up dead, injured, or befall some ‘fate worse than death’ for dramatic tension, which to me is lazy writing. i didn’t even watch this season and i hate what he did to bill potts - the first openly lesbian companion and then he falls straight into the ‘kill your gays’ trope. ah, he brought her back!!! i hear you cry. yeah, turning her into a cyberman and then some strange water person doesn’t count. the very fact that we touched the sad trope of killing/torturing lesbian women for the progression of a male story arc makes me sick.

but honestly, the thing that irks me most about how the moffat era has been written is the set up of the companions. they’re all “special”. amy, clara, river, they were “special”, destined to be with the doctor and destined for great things. it was all terribly complicated how they came to be there, and they seemed to have to earn their place with him by being so terribly special. that’s not what a companion should be to me. my companions are ordinary people - shop workers and temps and medical students. and that’s what made them special to me, what made those stories special. that ordinary people can be capable of extraordinary things, that your job and what society says of you doesn’t need to define you. the way moffat’s narratives were structured never gave us that, and i missed it.

whilst we’re on the subject, the plot of episodes and story arcs always felt confused, sloppy and without any real moral or meaning to me. i also abhorred the retconning that went on. the entire plot and character pins of the 9th and 10th doctors were destroyed with the 50th anniversary special, that basically said ‘all your pain is irrelevant and this planet is actual safe because i say so’, which was a plot point that was very quickly expired and served no real greater purpose other than for more dramatic effect.

and all this without touching the themes of sexism, misogyny and various others in his work. 

if you’re really interested, i found this article enlightening when it was released, there’s also some interesting quotes here, and if you want a deep dive there’s some blogs dedicated to it

i want to clarify and say i didn’t absolutely hate everything moffat did. peter capaldi and matt smith made good doctors, and amy, rory and clara were good enough companions. i’m glad they took the step with bill, and i’m glad they made the master a woman. but part of being a writer makes me extremely allergic to messy writing and sadly, characters that could have been great were reduced to a lot less due to what - in my opinion - was the impact of having such a poor showrunner for so long.

Peace: internal war

I ask questions and for them I receive answers. An Exo always gets answers: anyone who has met one of us tells us the truth because they know what happens if they don’t. But the results are messy, dangerous and draw too much attention. It is why I’m wearing a gir. Technically illegal in over a dozen intersellar unions, the gir hides is clothing that one can hide behind. An illusion so perfect almost no scanner can penetrate it. There are assassins who would bankrupt worlds for one. All I had to do was save a life for such a gift.  

He is in a bar by the time my questions lead me toward him. What would have taken minutes takes almost an hour, but I am not pressed to threaten or to murder in the process. It is, I think, worth the effort. The bar is small, ill-kept, a dive near the first colony base built here on Brekwell IV. There are no other worlds in the system, so I’ve no idea why it’s called that. The world does have one moon and a sun but isn’t much to speak of beyond that. The bar suits if perfectly. He does not. There aren’t any locals in such a place, but most of the inhabitants boast chitin and claws, or at the very least scales.

I walk over. “I was told to see you for lessons, if you are Jay.”

He looks over at me. He is twenty three. I know this, without knowing how. It is nothing I smell, noting any of the machines inside my body tell me. It is simply a fact.

“Depends on what you wish to know.”

“How to defend myself without fighting. How to fight without killing. They say you know of such things.” I don’t quite make it a question. “You have no fur, no claws, not even fangs.”

“No, I don’t.”

“And you are – I am afraid I do not know your species?”

“Oh, this body is human. They’ve been extinct for some time. I think a few colonies are left, scattered throughout the galaxies, but none have a form like this any longer. Sometimes I get nostalgic, though I hope it’s a good kind of nostalgia.”

I name a price. Even quietly, I hear people around us hush. You could buy this world for the price I offer.

Jay sips his drink and look at me. “That’s more than lessons.”

“I am being hunted. The hunters are… persistent. I would rather they did not die.”

“Ah.” Jay stands, barely coming up past my waist even under the gir. I try and keep the form the same as my own, at least in terms of size. “You may consider me interested, but it might be best if we continue this outside?”

There are four people outside that were not there when I entered. Hired weapons disguised as people. Mercenaries for sale to any bidder.

“You can go,” Jay says to them. “I’m Jay, and this one is my friend.”

The weapons don’t move. Two increase their charges.

“…. you’ve never heard of me, have you?” Jay says to me.

“Just as a teacher?”

“Huh. Well, I devoted a lot of time to not being noticed, trying to avoid being known. Sometimes being forgotten has costs.” All four hit the ground. I never even see Jay move. One body, the next,. the last two at once, heads bouncing off of plasteel flooring. Jay walks on past them without looking down.

I follow, slower. “What are you?”

“Jay. The what is complicated. You can say that I, too, am wearing a gir if you want to?”

I stop dead.

He turns and smiles. His smile is an undeserved kindness. I can feel the weight of my ancestors lift from my shoulders under it. “An  Exo that does not wish to murder is reason enough for me to accept this venture. Do you have a name?”

“Exo-10063.

“Exoten it is then. If it helps, you can think of me as s hingari?”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“They inspired the gir. Or were killed to make the first ones, I believe. Shape-chapgers. There were so many wars: against them, to use them. Even I don’t know how many remain, but few enough that an Exo doesn’t know of them. You were made with information about threats and how to deal with them, yes?”

“An Exo is made for war, no matter what else we do. It is hard to find another path when every instinct carries death.”

“Some people never see the path they are on. I’ve always wondered if that makes them luckier. Those who do tend to have more trouble leaving it.”

“Do you? See your path, I mean?”

He chuckles. “I used to, long ago. I was jaysome when I was younger.”

I was made for war. To destroy, to decimate, to bring about the end of things. I am almost ten steps away from Jay before I catch myself, feet skidding to a halt. I run subroutines, and other ones. Flagging the word ‘jaysome’, finding routines older still. I turn back, and stare down at Jay. “I did not know until this moment that I had any commands that were ‘run away’. I watched every star in the Olkar Cluster burn and I did not run. I was once a medic on a ship falling into a black hole. I did not run.”

“I have put a lot of effort into being forgotten. I’d like to think it wasn’t vanity that I wasn’t thorough enough.” He does not move.

“You are that dangerous?”

“When I have to be. Who is after you, Exoten?”

“A dozen Exo units. There are few of us left. We were made for war, but not to survive the wars we were placed in. Some of those who remain seek revenge on the worlds that made us. And to recruit the rest into their cause. I refused. I was forced to kill two of my own in the refusal. They did not expect it, but a medic knows things about war that even other Exo do not. I have seen enough of my kind dead to know how to win. I do not wish to kill the others.”

“Huh. The gir will hide you for a time, but they aren’t as perfect as advertised. Even the hingari never were. They’re gone too,” he says softly. “I can do a mean impression of the Sable Emperor, you know. No one even remembers that there was one. Space is big, time passes.” He looks up at me. “Why did you become a medic?”

“Because I was selfish. I wanted to prove to myself that an Exo didn’t have to be about war. Instead I saw more wars than most of my kind ever have. I survived when many did not. I kept patients alive who might have died. I’d like to think it balances out in the end. The lie, the lives. My fleeing, their salvation.” I fall silent. I’ve never said half of that aloud before.

“You were a medic, but only in wars. Seeking peace is a different thing, both internal and external.” Our path has taken us outside the port, across the empty plains between the mining outposts. I am an Exo: we were made to survive. Jay is not, but I am somehow not surprise he’s wandering airless vacuum without harm. “Peace is always more than not fighting, Exoten. Sometimes one has to fight for peace, or to preserve it, or even so that it happens at all. But it is not achieved by fighting, as one does not achieve virginity by fucking. It is easy to forget that. To see the path as the map, to see the road as the destination.”

“Then what do I do?”  

“You run. You never stop running. If you are wise, you never look back. You do what you can: offer medicine to small colonies, to minor worlds. Do nothing to be noticed, leave no mark in history.  To achieve peace is to be forgotten, or at least remembered in only gentle ways.”

He looks up before my sensors notice the subspace rift. “Twenty is more than a dozen Exo,” he says. Four hurl down, tracking the gir. I shed it, but not fast enough. To make a transit on a world would damage it. Without it, I am a machine standing, glittering dark in the darkness. It takes so much effort not to power up my weapons. Twenty is too many. Even twelve was. No matter what I do, this world would burn.

Jay walks up into the sky. Every weapon that fires hits another Exo, no matter the target they aim at. It is almost twenty volleys before they stop, and then Jay is beside me on the ground. He is no longer smiling.

“You came because you heard stories about me. That I could protect from any foe. That I would, for the right person, the right cause. I gave you a chance, even then, to tell me the truth. To survive falling into a black hole is a rare thing on many spacecraft these days. You’d need to put everything into the engines, forgo life support. How many died when you fled the Olkar Cluster, Exoten? How many were on the craft when you ignited the engines, fled the black hole as everyone entrusted to your care died?”

“Eighty six.” The words come out, forced.

“They are not here about recruitment, Exoten.”

“No. Justice.” This time my voice is only my own.

“I have told them that your death will bring no justice.” Jay smiles, and this smile is a gentleness that never needs to compromise, a quiet so deep it never has to shout. “Atonement is not peace, but it is what they agreed to. You will answer to the last wishes of all who died under your care. You will bring them peace, and only then will you ever find your own.”

And that becomes the truth. he strips everything away with words. Every weapon, every desire. All that makes me an Exo is unhomed, unbound, ripped naked in the fact of truth.

“You – you said peace was an internal struggle,” I get out. I am crying. I was never meant to cry. The dead are about me, whispering judgements, demanding release.

“I did. I’m just helping it along, that’s all.” He smiles, and this smile is for the dead and not for me at all as he turns and walks away.

I try to speak, but the dead speak over me. I try to run, but there is nowhere to run to. They will have their peace, no matter what it does to me.

And I do not know what will come after it, but all I can hope is that I never meet Jay again.

anonymous asked:

I was literally so sure that he wasn’t dead because I was hell bent on the fact that he wouldn’t leave Thor and that he didn’t really turn into a frost giant at the end but there’s so much to prove that he’s dead and it just makes me want to cry

but there’s also signs that he isn’t dead!!!! like where the hell did he go while hulk was fighting thanos or yeah why he didn’t turn back into his jotun form when his asgardian form was clearly an illusion and why he kept emphasizing that he wasn’t asgardian or when he said that the sun will shine on them again

i want to believe that my greasy mans is up to something bec i need him to be okay

Y’all are like “SNAPE WAS OBSESSED WITH LILY” but god forbid people care about their loved ones in war time

Slytherin is all about self-preservation, cunning, pragmatism. 

To place Snape in a setting where he’s surrounded by Gryffindors judging everything he does from their standards while actively alienating, distrusting, or manipulating him, and then wondering why this Slytherin who came from an abusive household where the abuser was a muggle, whose only good friend (justifiably) cut ties with him, leaving him with peers who pushed him into the service of a dark lord who would actively threaten his life at the first sign of disobedience, is not at all eager to risk his life for people who hate him or have in the past harbored ill will and intended harm on him–is idiotic. 

And what like 90% of Tumblr does all the time. 

“He didn’t care about Harry and wouldn’t have cared about Neville, he must be terrible.” 

How many of you guys would like to go to a war torn country right now and take a bullet for a random child? I’d like to know. 

I would take a bullet for my friends and family. I might do it for a random child, but I’ve never been put in a position where I had to do that, and if I was told to do it I probably wouldn’t do it after a minute’s thought. 

But yeah, Snape still risked his life and died for Harry anyway. Let’s not forget that. 

He did it for Dumbledore, who, out of all the people in his life, he believed could protect him from Voldemort. Even in risking his own life on a day to day basis, he was being pragmatic. 

The one thing that had him throwing pragmatism out the window was Lily. He did it for her, because she was the one person who showed him care and gave him friendship. He owed it to her to keep her son safe, despite the fact that her son was the wizard equivalent of a ticking shrapnel bomb in a time Voldemort was rising to power. 

“But he overlooked Harry to clutch Lily’s dead body! He’s obsessed!” 

You know if my best friend was killed and her son was safe in bed and not in immediate danger, I’d hold her and cry too. Same with any number of my family members. Does that make me obsessed? 

I’d have figured it makes me a normal person grieving over the violent and sudden death of a loved one. Or something. 

And he did save Harry’s life and guard him for years. 

Does that justify him treating Harry and other children like shit? No. 

But his shitty behavior doesn’t negate the fact that he died protecting Harry and helping the heroes on Dumbledore’s orders. 

And it certainly doesn’t negate the fact that he genuinely loved Lily. 

You don’t go to abuse victims and tell them “Your love for this one person is just obsession, not real love! You’re disgusting!” 

But you all do that, constantly, with Snape. 

The new Shadowhunters promo

In my previous rants I’ve preached about how change will bring a new perspective to the story, and we need to focus on getting good reviews so it will get renewed, because this is our last chance to have an adaptation.

I doubt that’s much of a worry now (but still make sure to give it positive ratings!!!!!!) because the new promo is AMAZING. Some points:

  • I mean, we get a glimpse of Isabelle genuinely CARING about Clary instead of the jealous, awkward girl vs. girl side that the movie decided was the only important aspect of their relationship. Clary and Isabelle become really great friends despite their differences, and the fact that that is shown makes me really happy.
  • The acting is much more promising. We didn’t get a feel for the characters and the actors in previous promos/trailers/footage, but this one smacks us in the face with how GOOD they are at it, at least within a few episodes.
  • CLIMON FRIENDSHIP FEELS. Okay I SCREAMED with the Raphael/Simon shot where Clary is like BITCH TOUCH HIM AND ILL CUT YOUR DEAD ASS. And then the FUCKING PART where he says he’ll do anything for her and she says: “but you don’t have to die” and they hug and they’re all crying emotional…I was a wreck.
  • Valentine is still a dick.
  • He’s a bald, not blonde dick, (a step up from random weird movie dreadlock dick) but his dickness is the exact amount dickness he dickfully dicksplayed in the books. To conclude the actor plays the character well from what little we’ve seen.
  • Honorable mention of the Clary-bumps-into-Magnus thing that was also in previous promos bc my HEART
  • Did I mention Simon because he’s adorable
  • FIRE MESSAGES
  • “3 days ago, all I was worried about was getting into art school” ouR BABY
  • “you’re part angel, Clary” so I’m wondering how deep the show will go explaining the origin of Shadowhunters and Downworlders?? Jonathan Shadowhunter’s tale, Raziel? Will the parabatai oath be mentioned, or recited? Will it explain the vampiric/lycanthropic demon diseases? How warlocks are made, where the Fair Folk come from? MORE FAIR FOLK?? Most importantly does Magnus have a belly button or nah bc I’ll like to see a belly button-less Magnus like in the books.
  • “I won’t forget your sacrifice” -Valentine, to one of his followers, presumably as he dies after protecting him. Then he’s seen stabbing someone and holding them to the ground. Sooo if parts of City of Ashes will be in season 1, is this part of the plan where Valentine gets all the kinds of blood? He’s getting mundane blood in episode one (not something he needed in the books, but it makes sense that’s what it’s for) and I think it might be Dot (Dorothea in the books, who has been changed for the show) who, if to the book, is a witch. He could need witch’s blood? Or maybe Dot is a warlock. If he needed Downworlder blood like in the books, where he gets warlock blood from a random young warlock, it would be easier to make a new warlock character to kill rather than throw in a random warlock for Valentine to go after like in said book. It might also be Jocelyn, but I’m not sure. He wouldn’t hurt her like that, he’s in love with her, despite his morality being dick with a side of dick. Interesting to think about.
  • FOR THE ANGEL’S SAKE, WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHO IT IS THAT GETS TOSSED OUT A WINDOW?? I THINK IT’S ISABELLE OR MARYSE BUT I’M NOT SURE.
  • I like the necklace Clary has, I think it’s a rune stone? If witchlights are wearable now, I want one.
  • CLIMON FIST BUMP
  • Seraph blades actually glow. That’s not from just the newest promo but I think it’s important. I think they react to Shadowhunter touch now rather than angel names. Which is a BIT disappointing. Not that important but I think it would be cool to see them drawing on the power of Heaven like that. But who knows, maybe only fresh made seraph blades have to be named, and they just respond to touch after that?
  • Brief flash of what appears to be a Forsaken
  • I THINK I SAW SIMON SMASH A TABLE IN ANGER HOLD ME
  • Why he scream
  • Overall perfection

Well okay that’s more than a few for a 1 minute long promo. But I’m really pumped, I can’t wait for a high quality version of it. What did you guys think?