the face is farmiliar

LIN MANUEL-MIRANDA AND TOO MANY MEMES

I got really high and wrote fanfiction again.

I am so sorry

“Lin Manuel-Miranda and Too Many Memes”

It was 6:30 pm and Anthony Ramos had just gotten mic’d. As he headed down to the stage for a sound check, he noticed Daveed Diggs coming in the opposite direction with a large burlap sack.

“Yo Daveed”, said Anthony, “What’s in the bag?”

“Look and see for yourself.” Daveed opened the bag and inside Anthony saw what appeared to be piles and piles of memes. Big memes, small memes, old memes, young memes, fat memes, skinny memes, memes of every gender identity, race, creed, nationality, and sexual orientation. Doge memes and Pepe memes and oodles and oodles of Hamilton memes. Daveed’s memeage was simply off the charts.

“Jesus Christ” Anthony couldn’t believe his eyes, “what are you gonna do with all these memes?”

“We’re gonna use them to prank Lin” said Daveed mischievously, “It’s gonna be hilarious”

“But how?”

“We got three nerf guns in my dressing room” said Daveed, “I’ve modified them to be meme-compatible. When Lin gets offstage after the second act and he gets to the bottom of the stairs, you, me and Okieriete jump out and pummel him with memes.”

“What????” Anthony was stunned, “That’s a terrible idea! And Okieriete is in on this too?”

Okieriete walked passed, “Sup Daveed. Got the memes”

“You know it”. They exchanged a fist bump and parted ways. “Don’t worry young Anthony, I have a meme gun loaded just for you”

“Okay…” said Anthony, “It sounds funny. I’m in.”

***

               The three conspirators dashed offstage that night at the end of “Non-Stop”, and lay in wait for the unsuspecting Mirandinator to make his exit. Lin was about to call Groffsauce to remind him that they’re in the play, but before he could, he was bombarded by a flurry of memes worse than the hail of bullets at the Boston Massacre. It was chaos. He was instantly floored, and hid behind the water cooler to prevent the onslaught, but the mischievous three were relentless. Meme after meme after meme after meme came hurdling into Lin. The Pepe ones hurt the most, for they were the dankest. Especially the ones where Pepe’s face was photoshopped onto Aham’s head. Lin was left exhausted and bewildered.

               Daveed pranced up to him and said with a snicker, “Much Lin. Very memes. Such prank. Wow.” The three laughed heartily, patted Lin on the back, and went about their business.

               But Lin was not laughing. He sat dejected until Jasmine Cephas-Jones happened upon his sad countenance, “Lin what happened?” she looked around, confused and concerned, “There are memes everywhere!

               “Daveed, Anthony, and Okieriete shot them from nerf guns when I came down the stairs. It was horrible!” Lin stroked his chin, “I need to get back at them somehow. But how?”

               “For that, you’ll have to visit the Meme wizard” said a mysterious voice. Jasmine and Lin turned and saw a mysterious masked stranger in the corner.

               “The what?” Jasmine was shocked.

               “Underneath the stage of the Richard Rogers theatre there lies a cavern, Within it is the one who controls the memes, the arbiter of all dankness. Only he can help you wreak your revenge. You must descend into the orchestra pit, and there you will find him when the clock strikes twelve. MUAHAHAHAHA” The man disappeared.

               “Goddamnit” Jasmine said, “I told our stage manager J.Phillip Basset that we need to get an exterminator for all of the mysterious ghosts in here!”

               “I must go.” Lin was determined, “Jasmine, if I don’t come back from the abyss of memes, tell my wife I love her. Preferably in freestyle rap form.”

               “Whatever” said Jasmine “I am so done with this whole situation” as she walked away she muttered “ ‘Meme wizard”… ‘Fuck outta here!”

** *

               That night Lin didn’t go out to sign autographs. He instead descended with a flashlight into the dark deptsh of the theatre to find the Meme Wizard. When he found him, it was crazy. He flashed his light onto his face and it was instantly farmiliar. Not only was it the mysterious ghost man he saw before, but he recognized the face, the eyes, the hair, the jawline, it was… could it be?

               “Jonathan Groff?!??!!” Lin cried.

               “Yes!” Replied the Wizard Groffsauce, “’Tis I!”

               “You’re the meme wizard?” Lin was baffled, “I thought you were supposed to be doing Hedwig!”

               “I have so many names” said Groffsauce, plucking a meme from his windowbox and placing it in his buttonhold, “This is just a part-time gig.”

               “B-b-but why are you dress like David Bowie from Labrynth? And what’s with the shepherd’s crook?”

               “This is my Meme-Wand of eternal power. And it is the only way you can pour out your wrath on Daveed, Anthony, and Okieriete. Take it. But be warn’d, with great power comes great responsibility, young Mirandinator”

               “Groff you’re younger than I am” Lin said, taking the staff, “But thanks. So… see ya. Good luck with the memes.”

               “One more thing” said Groffsauce, “remember…. To use the meme you must be the meme”

               “I need to become the meme?”

“MUAHAHAHAHA GROFF OUT!” he disappeared in a flurry of glitter.

“He is so weird” Lin said as he ascended.

***

10 pm. Stage door. Autograph time. Conditions were perfect. Okierete and Anthony were engaged in the normal fan-greeting activities, taking selfies, signing posters, trying to get Pippa to agree to sign someone’s face. But Daveed was uneasy.

“Do you think Lin will try to get back at you?” Asked Leslie

“Maybe” Daveed eyed the stage door ominously, “But we must prepare for the worst. Always.”

               He turned and saw the rest of the cast running for their lives. Pippa screamed, “DAVEED! LOOK BEHIND YOU!!!!!”

               Daveed turned and gasped, and saw Lin Manuel Miranda on top of a 100 foot tall unicycle, with two meme cannons at the ready. Lin resounded his battlecry, “HERE COME DAT BOIIIIIII!” and before Daveed could respond with the customary, “Oh, shit, waddup?” it was too late. The fray had begun

               A blur of memes. Swiping past, Hitting directly. The crowd scattered. Chris Jackson fainted. Cries of confusion and desperation. “SO….. MANY….. MEMES!!!” Cried Anthony as he fought his way valiantly through the onslaught, attempting to get to safety. Okieriete blocked the memes with his fists for a while, but Lin was merciless. By the end all three of them were left breathless on the ground.

               Lin slid down his unicycle like a fireman’s pole, and realized what he had done. He had never intended to inflict so much damage. He had to apologize “Daveed” he said… “I’m so sorry…. This was so wrong of me.”

               “It’s oaky” Okieriete said weakly, “You got us good.”

               “We shouldn’t’ve pranked you in the first place” Added Anthony, “It’s what we deserved, I guess”

               “We didn’t intend any of this,” Said Daveed, “I don’t want this to affect our relationship.” He held out his fist for a fist bump. “Friends?”

               Lin heartily reciprocated, “Friends”.

               “You have learned your lessons” boomed a resounding voice from the sky…. It was Groffsauce!”

               “Jonathan!” Said Lin “You’re back!”

               “I am,” said Groffsauce, taking his Meme-Wand mightily in his hand, “But I must be gone. My time on this planet is running out, and soon I must travel to other galaxies to spread my memes to the universe.”

               “What?” Lin said, “Galaxies, memes, universe?”

               “It matters not” Groff embraced Lin, “It’s not the destination that matters, but the memes we discovered along the way. The stars are calling me. Goodbye, Mirandinator! Until we meet again! WHEEEEEE!” Groffsauce hopped on his staff and flew away into the night sky.

               The next day, Alex Lacimore called a cast meeting, “Due to recent events, we are now instituting a policy that there will henceforth be NO MORE MEMES AT THE RICHARD ROGERS THEATRE” he banged his gavel and the crowd cheered.

               And so the cast of Hamilton lived happily ever after, and friendship was never ruined by memes ever again.

THE END

@linmanuel