the essence of being me

I want lance and allura to become best friends in that way where they call each other ‘wife’ and 'husband’
- “hang on let me get my wife’s opinion - HONEY, SHOULD KEITH WEAR THE RED SHIRT OR THE BLACK SHIRT”
- “sorry my husband is the handy man around here” “allura I just want to know how the toaster works”
- random declarations of eternal commitment during briefings
- “my handsome soulmate, my dear husband, your footing is wonky and it’s throwing voltron off balance”
- “my dear, sweet allura - would a rose by any other name smell as sweet? - because right now your name is 'angry tired and stressed’ and I need u to take a fucking chill pill”
- “allura, the love of my life, the essence or my being, would you come shopping for sparkly shit with me?” “of course, my little dove”
- coran introduces a 'one term of endearment per sentence’ limit to keep meetings efficient
- shiro is 'the mistress’
- hunk is 'side ho number one’
- pidge is 'side ho number two’
- keith is 'side ho number three’
- “lance I’m ACTUALLY your boyfriend why the fuck am I side ho number three” “first come first serve bitch”

I want to tell you a story.

I want to tell you a story.

I’ve been a good kid all my life.
Was an overachiever, was smart. People liked me, I was told.
I had friends. I never really knew that though. Because
I was always in trouble.
With authorities.
Specifically.
MEN.
I didn’t know what the dynamic was. I just knew I was a “fuck up.”
Any time I stood up for myself when I was being wronged, I was punished.
Any activity I loved, they would find a way to take it away.
Any time I was myself, it was bad.

And because of this, I never let myself have the good things.
I never let myself even experience joys, even as I was creating them.

As I climbed greater heights, I was told it was because of XYZ, but never
because I was talented, smart, diligent, thoughtful, kind.
It was because I was being given things.
Because I was cute.
Or a girl, and cause you know, we’re “In” right now.
I worked very very hard.
I work very hard.
But my whole life, I thought, “When will I be good enough. Why am I so bad?”
And I’ve hated myself.

Flash forward to me, at 30, premiering a movie I wrote, directed, starred in.
People really loved it.
Something born in my brain, but mostly my heart, made it a very long way
To be watched by strangers in a beautiful theater.

A man who I grew up with, a man who spear-headed this bad dynamic in my life,
said to a friend of mine, after people left the theater
“You know, Noël never knew how to behave.”
He said it as a joke, I’m sure, as it’s often presented,
When someone wants to tear you down with a smile.

I was very sad to hear this.
That even at the height of my success so far, I’m still not good enough.
I’m a misbehave-er. For valuing myself. And my voice.
For telling a kind story. About fucking up and forgiving people.
I was crushed.

I’ve been very heartbroken.
And I’ve sat in it for a few days.
Like I’ve sat in it my whole life.
But this time, something different happened.
The sadness started to transform.
And with it, some identity started to break down.
This victimhood. Of being told me, my essence,
my being, is wrong.

And in it’s place, a new emotion has started to develop.
I think they call it “RAGE”

This past week,
I feel like an animal.
I am a fury
at every man who has told me
being great is being bad.
Doing what I love, connecting with people, and expressing myself
is wrong.
At every PERSON who has internalized violence, misogyny, or injustice as TRUTH
and locked people up inside of it.
For every person who doesn’t see me for me,
Or who can’t see any CHILD, or WOMAN, or OTHER who sees things as they are.

I am a madness toward anyone who doesn’t recognize how incredibly powerful
I am.
We all are.
AND HOW PRECIOUS we are.
KINDNESS is not a weakness. LEADERSHIP isn’t BADNESS.
And neither is my ANGER.
My anger isn’t bad, it’s the truth.

I am very mad. I will let it pass, but I am allowed to be
enraged by all that has been taken from me.
And all the ways I’ve been told I was wrong,
When I’ve been right all along.

anonymous asked:

But see, (different anon), it isn't a disability if it doesn't disable us is any way right? Like we are held back by anything. Autism is just a different way your mind is arranged. It makes you hypersensitive and intelligent. I can't imagine who I would be without it. This sounds mean, but sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who cares about anything in my school or family, and I don't think something that makes you care is a disability.

oh no i agree that autism doesn’t “disable me”, but a society that is not ready for autistic people, a society that is not ready for our needs and our accessibility requirements, a society that rejects every essence of my being? that disables me. it is not harder for me to get a job because i am autistic, but because employment is generally inaccessible for autistic people. it is not harder for me to go to uni because i am autistic, but because education is generally inaccessible for autistic people.

this is why it is a disability. not because we are less able to succeed, but because we are in a society that is not designed to help us succeed as it is for others.

every person on this planet has accessibility needs, disabled or not. the difference between people with disabilities and people without is that people without them have their needs catered for, and we do not.

Namaste means the light in me recognizes and bows to the light in you. By light, we mean the creativity, the love, the God, the differences between us that make us valuable to one another. Your essence, your presence, just being yourself, for sharing that with me, the people in this room, the people in your own life that you don’t even know that you affect. Thank you just for being who you are. I thank you and I honor you, and I encourage you to offer to your neighbor to your left and to your right ‘namaste’.“ I think that the sad thing is that it has been shrouded — like a lot of things that are inherently good but shown to us by other races or people — as something that is unattainable. When you realize that spirituality itself, it’s just there.
—  Brandon Copeland

curious-spirit  asked:

Would you mind sharing some of your UPG in regards to Freyja? I'm curious how she appears other people who work with her.

I am going to start by how I “see the Gods” because it rather impacts my relationship with them and my UPG as a whole. Additionally, take what I say with a grain of salt; as UPG stands for: Unverified Personal Gnosis. 

I really manifest a blend of their archetypes with then how I perceive their influence momentarily. In actuality- it is very hard for me to think that the Gods have actual physical forms. In regards to any deity or spiritual essence, I feel that our manifestations of them are an integrate of what has been recorded of them; by those who helped constructed their interpreted meanings and now [us] who reconstruct the above in various versions. It’s broad yet holds a lot of depth, and that is what makes personal gnosis so debatable and very intriguing to say the least.

Also I have so many interactions with her over the years that I hope a general overview is okay instead of specific events. Though I will try implement them as examples. I also am not going to compare my UPG to any form of CG at this time.

Appearance

She typically always has the same physical aspects when I work with her. Very golden, long blonde hair, a really muscular build, grey eyes and just roughly over 5′8, so quite tall compared to the average height of woman today. 

Though depending on what I will be doing with her do her physiological aspects change such as: the way she motions her arms, saunters, her clothing and even moreso her voice. Her voice changes a lot. It goes from this sweet and gentle- mature tone to a gruff and slightly raspy harp. I subject most of these changes to be either if we are working on ascetics, horsing/possession, seiðr, spæ-craft, hydging or just building up a goddess-to-devotee relationship. This either  through blóts or just other sporadic devotional acts. 

Something I take note of is she constantly wears Valshamr. This in comparison to some of her other articles such as the Brísingamen or grátandi tárar [gilded crying tears]. By ‘wear’ I literally mean that I ‘see’ feathers embedded in her shoulders and back, ranging in size and an array of gilded brown colours. Sometimes the clothing she wears will let them poke out or seam more like an actual cloak than part of her morphology. 

From my perception, no matter how she presents herself to me, she always has a very dominate-poised and eccentric stature. Usually is adorned in lavish woven patterns or crafted jewelry. 

Personality

She is very much as a large constitute of people describe her; which is the embodiment of beauty and strength- but even more how these two elements can be so perfectly align. Her strength physically comes deep emotionally. Her beauty is the personification of what woman can bring to each realm that their counterparts cannot. It’s immensely hard to describe- and quite haunting.

I don’t want to compare her mannerisms nor her personality to a character in cinema or like a celebrity. If anything we mold ourselves from these embodiments found and felt in nature to the Gods.  

Again, depending on what she and I are working on or how I pay reverence to her within my path do I really see her array of displayed traits. Above all, she is driven and determined with a temperament to be often equitable, yet attentive. This is really where her multi-faceted sides of being the sensual, maternal and comical aspects resides versus the warrior or even agurer/seeress.

I am willing to definitely say that Freyja’s relationship to me is dual of a guide in  seiðr along with being a strong feminine essence who presides within/over me. Thus, her manifested character draws along this core foundation between her and I. 

Miscellaneous

  • Feral & domestic cats as a constant re-occurrence when working with her are not atypical coincidences.
  • As Freyja, she really likes offerings of gold, citrine, feldspar and amber jewelry, pork anything, runes- along with yew bundles, fir resin and juniper. (either as a votive or burned as an incense.)
  • As Valfreyja, she adores predatory bird feathers, cat fur, claws, bones, teeth, seaxes/weaponry, menstrual and/or venial blood.
  • As Mardöll, she likes sea shells, ocean water, flower pressings, spears, nets, red or purple pigments/paints, fish bones.
  • As Vanadís, she likes pork rinds/bones, bonfires, runes, planting, harvesting, gardening, mead, honey, cleansing the home. 
  • Freyja really digs music outside of black metal and Scandinavian folk.
  • I often will have the sudden urge to make art, cook or do random tasks for her/with her. 
  • Her sense of humor is rather crude but dry. 
  • She is not a crazy cat lady, a sexual femme-bot or a brute woman. She is just the embodiment of something misunderstood and taken for granted. 

God As Mother — The Feminine Divine in the World Scriptures and Spiritual Classics


As one whom his mother comforts,
so will I comfort you;
You shall be comforted in Jerusalem.
(Hebrew Bible, Isaiah 66.13)

Wisdom (Sophia) cries out in the street;
in the squares she raises her voice…
(Book of Proverbs, 1:20, Hebrew Bible)

Just now my mother, the Holy Spirit, took me by one of my hairs and brought me to Tabor, the great mountain.
(Jesus in, The Gospel of the Hebrews. Note: “ruach” is a Hebrew word for spirit and is feminine)

I rested on the Spirit of the Lord, and She lifted me up to heaven. (Odes of Solomon, 36: 1, James Charlesworth translation, Jewish Christian psalms)

A cup of milk was offered to me, and I drank it in the sweetness of
the Lord’s kindness.
The Son is the cup, and the Father is He who was milked; and the Holy
Spirit is She who milked Him;
Because His breasts were full, and it was undesirable that His milk
should be ineffectually released.
The Holy Spirit opened Her bosom, and mixed the milk of the two
breasts of the Father.
Then She gave the mixture to the generation without their knowing,
and those who have received it are in the perfection of the right
hand.
The womb of the Virgin took it, and she received conception and gave
birth.
So the Virgin became a mother with great mercies.
And she labored and bore the Son but without pain, because it did not
occur without purpose.
And she did not require a midwife, because He caused her to give life.
(Odes of Solomon, 19: 1–9, James Charlesworth translation, Jewish Christian psalms)

Three powers came forth from him; they are the Father, the Mother, (and) the Son, from the living silence, what came forth from the incorruptible Father. These came forth from the silence of the unknown Father.
(Gospel of the Egyptians, Gnostic Gospel, Nag Hammadi Library)

Behold, I have revealed to you the name of the Perfect One, the whole will of the Mother of the Holy Angels, that the masculine multitude may be completed here, that there might appear in the aeons, the infinities and those that came to be in the untraceable wealth of the Great Invisible Spirit….
(The Book of the Sophia of Jesus Christ, Gnostic Gospel, Nag Hammadi Library)

For I am the first and the last.
I am the honored one and the scorned one.
I am the whore and the holy one.
I am the wife and the virgin.
I am the mother and the daughter.
I am the members of my mother.
I am the barren one
and many are her sons.
I am she whose wedding is great,
and I have not taken a husband.
I am the midwife and she who does not bear.
I am the solace of my labor pains.
I am the bride and the bridegroom,
and it is my husband who begot me.
I am the mother of my father
and the sister of my husband
and he is my offspring.
I am the slave of him who prepared me.
I am the ruler of my offspring.
But he is the one who begot me before the time on a birthday.
And he is my offspring in (due) time,
and my power is from him.
I am the staff of his power in his youth,
and he is the rod of my old age.
And whatever he wills happens to me.
I am the silence that is incomprehensible
and the idea whose remembrance is frequent.
I am the voice whose sound is manifold
and the word whose appearance is multiple.
I am the utterance of my name……..
I am the hearing that is attainable to everything;
I am the speech that cannot be grasped.
I am the name of the sound
and the sound of the name.
(Thunder, Perfect Mind, Gnostic Gospel, Nag Hammadi Library)


The Radhasoami Faith recognizes three Grand Personages and a sincere and affectionate disciple the fourth, namely,


1. The Supreme Father,


2. The Supreme Mother or Original Spirit or Word Current emanating from the Supreme Father,


3. The Supreme Son or Sant Sat Guru, the representative of the Supreme Father in human form.


4. The disciple or the son or human spirit.
(“Radhasoami Mat Prakash” by Huzur Maharaj Rai Salig Ram, Sant Mat and Radhasoami, India)


I am Father and Mother of the world.
Bhagavad Gita 9.17, Hindu)


I’m Thy child O Thou, my Father and Mother!
(Adi Granth, Sikh and Sant Mat)

Thou art Father, Mother, Friend, Brother.
With Thee as succorer in all places, what fear have I?
(Adi Granth, Sikh and Sant Mat)

That breast of Thine which is inexhaustible, health-giving, by which Thou nursest all that is noble, containing treasure, bearing wealth, bestowed freely; lay that bare, Sarasvati [divine Mother], for our nurture.
(Rig Veda 1.164.49, Hinduism)

Love, the divine Principle, is the Father and Mother of the universe, including man.
(Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy, Christian Science)

Mother Earth have pity on us and give us food to eat! Father, the Sun, bless all our children and may our paths be straight!
(Native American Religions. Blackfoot Prayer)

O Mother of Imupa, advocate for the whole [feminine] world!
What a remarkable Mother I have!
O Mother, a pillar, a refuge!
O Mother, to whom all prostrate in greeting
Before one enters her habitation!
I am justly proud of my Mother.
O Mother who arrives,
Who arrives majestic and offers water to all!
(African Traditional Religions. Yoruba Prayer, Nigeria)

The Valley Spirit never dies.
It is named the Mysterious Female.
And the Doorway of the Mysterious Female
Is the base from which sprang Heaven and Earth.
It is there within us all the while;
Draw upon it as you will, it never runs dry.
(Tao Te Ching 6, Taoism)

Divine Mother, with the language of my soul I demand realization of Thy presence. Thou art the essence of everything. Make me see Thee in every fiber of my being, in every wisp of thought. Awaken my heart!

Divine Mother, open wide the bud of my devotion and release its fragrance, that it may spread from my soul to the souls of all others, ever whispering of Thee.

Divine Mother, I have heard Thy voice whispering in the fragrance of the rose. I touched Thy tenderness in the softness of the lily. In the whispers of my devotion, it was Thy love that answered.

In the temple of my earthly mother’s love I will worship the incarnated love of the Divine Mother.

Cosmic Mother, take this darkness away! When I sit with eyes closed, enveloped in self-created shadows, cause Thou to blaze upon me in splendor the aurora of intuition.

In the hall of creation, 0 Divine Mother, everywhere I hear the rhythm of Thy foot-steps, dancing wildly in the booming thunder and softly in the song of atoms.

I laugh at all fears, for my Father-Mother, beloved God, is attentively awake and present everywhere with the deliberate purpose of protecting me from the temptations of evil.
(verses from, Metaphysical Meditations, by Paramhansa Yogananda, SRF Books)

The thundering resonance of the Word
has liberated me while living -
Now I am entitled to serve the Lord!
How can I ever repay you, 0 my benefactor?
You are my Mother, you are my Father,
you are my generous Lord.
(Sant Namdev)

TO YOU the Lord we pray.
Soul and body are your gifts to us.
You are the Mother, and the Father,
We are your children,
With your grace,
There are countless blessings.
(Guru Arjan, Adi Granth, Sukhmani Sahib)

With hands joined in prayer
I beseech you, Radhasoami,
to listen to my supplication.
You are the true Lord, my benevolent Master!
You are Father, you are Mother,
you are the Creator of all beings.
Be merciful to me, accept me
and set me free from the snare of Kal.
(Swami Ji Maharaj, Sar Bachan Poetry)

Thou art my beloved Mother,
Thou art my only shelter;
I long for Thee,
I await Thy arrival, 0 Lord.
Thou alone art my Father,
Thou alone my loving Son,
Thou art my closest Friend and Relative.
My heart and my soul I lay
At Thy lotus feet, 0 Lord.
The whole creation without Thee,
Says Tuka is a barren desert.
(Sant Tukarama, Gatha. 2607)

Thou art our kind and affectionate Mother, O God, and bearest all our burdens. We know no fear, nor any anxiety……I cannot know the night from day, and the unceasing illumination exists at all times.
(Sant Tukarama)

Thou art our merciful Mother, O Vitthala, a shadow to thy suppliant; the milk of love ever flows in thy breast, thy sight is pure and sweet as nectar. O Mother Vitthala is like a cool shadow; her breast is ever filled with love; seated in her lap I shall seek her bosom and drink as much as I desire. 0 yield the milk of thy mercy and nourish my frame; a stream of nectar flows from thee. My spirit cannot contain this joy; what is the whole sea compared to it?
(Sant Tukarama)

Tagged: god, goddess, mother, feminine, holy spirit, world scriptures, old testament, hebrew bible, wisdom, sophia, magdalene, gnostic, nag hammadi library, ruach, odes of solomon, sant mat, radhasoami, bhagavad gita, buddhism, hinduism, adi granth, sikh, rig veda, Mary Baker Eddy, ellen white, native american, blackfoot prayer, tao, tao te ching, yogananda,

How important it is for her to be a positive influence in the world and the work that she does outside of comedy with (online women’s community) Smart Girls and with Worldwide Orphans Foundation.

She has taken the spirit of being part of the solution and really shaped an entire life and career for herself based on that.

That’s why it’s so beautiful and perfect that she is the voice of Joy in (2015 animated film) Inside Out, because to me it’s the essence of her being that she is brought on this Earth to bring joy and to spread positivity.

Also, my four-year-old is really obsessed with Joy and I love that I get to tell her that Joy is a friend of mine.

—  Tina Fey on what do you admire about Amy Poehler.
Temptation

Your smile drives me wild,
Your eyes pierce through my soul.
Every time you look at me,
I want you to take me whole.
Your every essence of being draws me in,
Though I cannot have you,
For you are my forbidden sin.
The temptations forever getting stronger,
So hard not to give in,
What I wouldn’t give to feel your lips upon my skin.

Walk Through Fire
i love riza hawkeye so much help
Walk Through Fire

*writes songs way out of my vocal range and then weeps when the notes are hard to reach*
I wrote another song about Riza because I’m obsessed with her. If you listen, I hope you enjoy ;-;

I’ve sacrificed all but my name
for the years I stole.
It means nothing without the pain
so I endure

all the suffering.
Deface and burn me
until the monster is free.

Corpses remain, collecting their debt.
Pull the trigger and never forget
which hearts rest in your hand
or how this all began.
I’ll walk through fire.
Wear the honor of a liar.

Memories cut across my skin,
scarring everywhere.
The war will never end within
and it’s mine to bear.

But now there’s more to lose.
I’ll die protecting you.
I won’t avert my eyes
Until we’ve earned that right.

Death wishes buried.
Tomorrow will save me.
We are the monsters
condemned as we’re free.

Corpses remain, collecting their debt.
Snap your fingers and never forget
which hearts rest in your hand
or how this all began.
I’ll walk through fire.
Wear the honor of a liar.

My sins will never be rectified.
We’ll fix all we destroyed this time.
Keep our eyes ahead.
It’s not over yet.

Corpses remain, collecting their debt.
I’ll pay my toll and never forget
which hearts rest in my hand
or how this all began.
Beyond the ashes
We are free to rest.

anonymous asked:

It makes me sad seeing all these people fall in love and be the way they are. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for them, it's mainly just that the girl I would give away every essence of my being to be with, doesn't see me the same way. I love her with everything I am, and I can tell her feelings for me aren't nearly as serious 💔

I’m so sorry. That really sucks sometimes and I understand what that feels like for the partnership to be one sided. Try to evaluate how you feel more seriously(more than just a skin deep level and common interests) can you see yourself staying with person for a long time? Do you work well together as a pair?

●▬▬๑۩۩๑▬▬▬● Do you now understand what I’m? The moraine uttered with her crimson optics aflame. I need you to accept your own nature if you want to cooperate with me. Our species is being eradicated by some vile hunters. Added with some anger in her melodious timbre. She was the sovereign! Ai should do something to prevent the demise of her kind & innocent human beings. You must accept your essence and assist me. I need you, more than ever.@bloodypyre   

anonymous asked:

what's your favorite book? and if that's too hard to answer, what book (or maybe books?) was the most meaningful to you? do you have a book that is your safe place, that feels like home?

this is such a cute ask^_^i love talking books…and you are right, one book would be far too hard to decide on, so i’ll pick three. 

first: the perks of being a wallflower, perfectly captures(at least for me)the essence of being a teenager and a lonely one at that. insular, small, completely reflective and so so so beautifully written. 

second: giovanni’s room, i could not love this book more or the man who wrote it. the book introduced me to the beautifully lyrical and completely engrossing James Baldwin, i shall endeavour to read every single thing he has written. this book also launched me into the world of a lgbt+ character, and helps me to really empathise with the struggles of being made to feel bad for loving someone. i really recognised my privilege as a straight person and i genuinely  appreciate that, good books should allow you to understand others! 

third: revolutionary road, this is a quite, slow story, showing the complexity of life, love and the choices you make. april wheeler is a completely fleshed out character with many flaws, but i found myself in her sorrow, her dissatisfaction with life, her yearning for more. i loved everything about this story, it is immersive, heart breaking and i loved that yates was able to write such a sympathetic female voice. 

i hope that provides some insight into my reading tastes, tell me what you love❣❣

Book character: “I don’t feel like a trauma victim. I feel like a house after a fire. And sometimes like someone who died but stayed in his body. And sometimes I feel like someone else died, like someone else sacrificed everything, so that I can have a normal life.”

Me: CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE JUST DESCRIBED THE ESSENCE OF BEING A TRAUMA VICTIM

the empathy of the sorceress

the iterative itinerary of my diasporic 
journey convulses into a self-aneuryism 
cascading into
theatrical
play
and
you bring me madness
drenched with unbridled
thorn-like savagery
 
 
cede yourself to my yearning,

not bloodthirstiness,

purpose–

my island of anointed flesh

accepts your inflamed libido,

bears your sensuality 

masquerading as sin,

subtracts the primary veil of your soul

 
 
this churlish soul
of mine falls
at your
mercy
and
i feel the climate
of your relentless empathy - 
it perspires 
from the edge
of a poet’s tongue
with fierce energy
 
 
you crave my approbation
of your writhing urges
of essence and being,

and i acquiesce to any use

you invent for me,

remain your devotee
in fiery verse,

and solicit your summons 

of my carnal veneration

 
 
your sweet grace 
always must remain
dangerous
perhaps
fatal
if i’m 
to thrive
in my self-wrung passions
 
 
I consecrate you 

with Thoth’s oil,

stream of ankhs 

for our involution, 

preparing us to leap 

to fused 

annihilation

 
 
your   
darksome eyes
cast spells upon me … and
i must surrender …
for 
my 
sanity
depends upon
the empathy of
your sorceress ways.


Note: This is a collaboration between Dominic (archonofdarkness - regular fonts) and Christiane (mermaidsbite- italics).