the drink nation

Ok but fairies don’t like iron so clearly Irn Bru was created as a modern urban solution to Scotland’s fairy problem.

I mean think about it, very few stories have cropped up of people being taken by the Good Neighbours since the late nineteenth century which coincides with the rise of popular health tonics like iron brews, while the precursor to THE Irn Bru was brought out in 1901. 

This ALSO coincides with the lifetimes of individuals such as Andrew Lang (who of course published a version of Robert Kirk’s Secret Commonwealth, and Kirk was one of those reputed to have been taken by the fairies) and the prominence of Victorian cutesy fairy tradition may have brought public attention to very real, malevolent and not particularly cutesy human-fairy issues in the contemporary world, sparking an effort to end abductions.

The Good Neighbours cannot have been particularly happy about this, not least because it’s status as ‘Scotland’s Other National Drink’ threatened the position of their own invention, whisky, from which they still draw massive revenues (because obviously Scotch whisky is supernatural, how else would it be the best, and it is well-known that those who imbibe have a greater chance of seeing the Fair Folk). Various attempts to placate fairy distillers have taken place over the years however, and to bring the two communities together, with much greater success since devolution and the founding of the Scottish parliament (the fairy community being considered an embarrassment and marker of backwardness by the Scots at the time of the Act of Union, so attempts were made to hide them from Westminster, though not always successfully). 

One particularly prominent symbol of improved relations between the communities is the famous snowman Christmas advert, conceived as a metaphor for human and fairy cooperation (the snowman being animated by magic, though hiding behind the conventional Christmas imagery of Raymond Briggs’ classic). However it has been an established principle in Scots law since at least 1946 that humans who have taken regular doses of irn bru are off-limits and unable to be “invited” to the fairy world without fully understanding what they’d got into (whisky drinkers are plainly related to ancient bardic traditions and thus much more likely to go looking for such experiences than the sober), thus lessening the chance of nasty diplomatic situations. 

Drink your irn bru kids, unless you want to be taken by the fairies

2

that feel when one of your kids gets the rest of your 48 kids drunk and you are too outnumbered to do anything but feel like a failure of a father

Craig’s Gang as Alcoholic Drinks

Part 2 and follow up to my Main 4 as Alcoholic Drinks post bc @earily asked that if I had more drinks for other characters that I share them, and you bet your ass I’ve got more!

(Although I see him more as part of Stan’s gang, I’m gonna include Butters here because I didn’t add him in the main 4 post)

Craig Tucker: Pisco Sour

  • 1 cup Pisco or White Rum
  • 1 cup Guava Nectar
  • 2 Tsp Superfine Sugar
  • ¼ cup Lime Juice
  • Angostura Bitters
  • Lime Wedges
  • Mint Leaves

In a glass pitcher combine the Pisco or rum, guava nectar, sugar, and lime juice. Add a few shakes of Angostura bitters; stir well to dissolve sugar. Divide mixture among 4 glasses. add ice; top with a lime wedge and fresh mint. (This drink is traditionally made with egg whites instead of Guava Nectar, but I chose not to do that. If you want to make it the traditional way, just substitute the Guava Nectar for the egg whites! It’ll create a cool little foam on the top if you do!)

It’s been a long-standing debate in the fandom whether Craig is a bitter asshole or a guinea pig loving dork. But let’s be honest, the answer is probably a little bit of both! Like Craig, this drink is a little sweet and a little sour. Light and limey, but still strong! Not to mention it’s also the national drink of Peru, so if you’re a fan of the “adopted Craig” headcanon, then this one holds double significance!

Tweek Tweak: Spiked Thai Iced Coffee

  • Strong Black Regular Ground Coffee (Enough to brew 4 cups)
  • 4 Tbsp Sugar
  • 4 Tbsp Heavy Cream
  • 2 Tsp Ground Cardamom
  • 3 ounces Amaretto
  • Crushed Ice

Add the cardamom to the ground coffee. Brew the coffee according to makers instructions. Pour the coffee into a pitcher or large glass. Add the sugar and Amaretto, and stir to combine. Fill four 12 ounce glasses with crushed ice. Pour the coffee into each glass and top each with 1 tablespoon of cream.

It wouldn’t be Tweek without coffee! This drink is sweet and spicy, just the right thing to calm you when the anxiety is hitting hard. But luckily it’s still light enough that it won’t give you a case of the GAH jitters.

Clyde Donovan: The Crybaby

  • 1.5 oz. Breuckelen Glorious Gin
  • 1 oz. Sour Beer
  • ½ oz. Rosemary Syrup
  • ½ oz. Lemon Juice
  • ¼ oz. Yogurt Whey
  • Angostura bitters
  • Rosemary Sprig

In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, combine Breuckelen Glorious Gin, Sour Beer, Rosemary Syrup, Lemon Juice, and Yogurt Whey and shake. Mist with angostura bitters and garnish with a rosemary sprig. Serve neat.

A seriously sour sip to drown the pain of rejection, family deaths, and realizing that there’s no glory in being a pirate (Poor Clyde!). This drink is a little heavier than most others, but if you feel like bursting into tears it could be just what you need!

Token Black: Chocolate Coquito

  • 1 can (13.5 oz) Coconut Milk
  • 1 and ½ Bars (3.5 oz) Bittersweet Dark Chocolate
  • 1 can (15 oz) Coconut Cream
  • 1 can (14 oz) Condensed Milk
  • ½ cup Evaporated Milk
  • 2 Tsp Vanilla Extract
  • ½ Tsp Ground Cinnamon
  • ½ Tsp Ground Nutmeg
  • 2 cups Light Rum

Break chocolate into medium pieces and place in a bowl. In a small sauce pan, warm up coconut milk. Once hot, pour over the chocolate and mix well until chocolate has melted and combined with the coconut milk. In a blender, combine chocolate mixture, coconut cream, condensed milk and evaporated milk. Add the vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg. Finally, add the rum. Blend until all is well combined. Pour into glass bottles, seal well and refrigerate. Serve cold in small drink glasses and garnish with a sprinkle of shaved chocolate. Shake well before serving. (Note: This drink will become very thick once it gets cold. Let it sit out about 15 minutes before serving to thin it a bit.)

Dark and rich, sweet but not too sweet, with a calming effect and plenty of personality, now that’s a Token drink! Dark chocolate has also been shown to have brain boosting benefits, which even the naturally gifted Token wouldn’t mind, I’m sure! Should balance out the brain stupidifying properties of alcohol! …right?

Jimmy Valmer: Anabolic Steroid (Shot)

  • Blue Curaçao
  • Midori
  • Cointreau

Hold a spoon against the side of the shot glass and allow the alcohol to gently pour onto the back of the spoon into the glass.The Blue Curaçao goes in first so you don’t need to do the ‘back of the spoon’ trick. Fill it about one third of the way up the glass. Next get your Midori, if it helps, rather than pour from the bottle you can pour some Midori into the Midori lid and then pour that onto the back of the spoon really really really slowly. It might look like it’s mixing but if you look from the side you can see there is a difference between the blue & green. So again, another third of the glass is filled and then finally you want to do the same with the Cointreau. Slowly filling the shot glass until you get to the top.

No, this isn’t real steroids like the ones Jimmy used to try to win the Special Olympics, but it’ll make you feel like a w-w-winner regardless! Its vibrancy and fun look is sure to be a crowd pleaser!

Butters Stotch: Topical Painkiller

  • 2 ounces Dark Rum
  • 1 ½ ounces Coconut Milk
  • 3 ounces Orange Juice
  • 3 ounces Pineapple Juice
  • Pineapple Wedge and Cherry to garnish

Fill cocktail shaker about half full with ice cubes. Add Dark Rum, Coconut Milk, Orange Juice, and Pineapple Juice, seal and shake. Pour into a small cocktail glass filled with ice and serve.

Sweet, fruity, and seemingly innocent, but with quiet a bit of feistiness! And after being the butt of so many jokes and suffering parental abuse for as long as he has, well, Butters could probably use some (tropical) painkillers.


Well, that’s it for this one! I guess if people like these, the next post will be drinks for the ladies of South Park!

best episodes of it’s always sunny per season

season 1 - Underage Drinking: A National Concern
season 2 - Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare
season 3 - The Gang Gets Held Hostage
season 4 - The Nightman Cometh
season 5 - i cannot physically choose between The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis and Mac and Dennis Break Up
season 6 - A Very Sunny Christmas
season 7 - Chardee MacDennis: The Game of Games
season 8 - The Gang Dines Out
season 9 - The Gang Gets Quarantined
season 10 - Charlie Work
season 11 - Mac & Dennis Move to the Suburbs
season 12 - The Gang Goes to a Water Park

i was gonna just post this on peach but you know what i think i need to use my platform to show the important things

maryland gothic
  • your headlights flash on yellow “watch for deer” signs. they stand at the edge of the road and watch you drive by. their eyes follow the lights of your car until they fade into the distance. 
  • there are lacrosse sticks laying around in your garage. no one in your family has ever played lacrosse. there’s a photograph of you as a child, grinning through your mouth guard with the rest of your team. you’ve never played lacrosse.
  • you’re in ravens country now. you’ve never seen a real raven, or at least you don’t think you have. the closest it gets is the crows picking at roadkill. you’re in ravens country now. the sky is tinted purple. there’s a tapping noise at your window. 
  • it’s dark out, and you’re driving home. there’s a deer in the middle of the road. you swore it wasn’t there a moment ago, and you slam on the breaks. you can feel the impact. you pull over, flashers on, and run to look at the damage. there’s nothing; no dent, no blood, not even a scratch. you search the road and the ditch beside it for the body. there’s nothing there. you swore you felt it hit the front of the car. 
  • you’re at a party. everyone is drinking national bohemian. you thought you grabbed a can from the 30 you brought, but maybe you were mistaken. you’re drinking natty boh. you can’t remember what brand you brought with you. your friend stashed behind an armchair, but when you go to retrieve it, there’s only a case of natty boh. 
  • you’re driving to ocean city. it’s a friday in the middle of july. the traffic on the bay bridge is at a standstill. you haven’t moved in 10 minutes. the car is in park. you’re running low on gas. you thought you were at least halfway across. the map said you were halfway across. the cars in front of you stretch on forever. the car in front of you is no longer running. 
  • there is a blue crab silhouette bumper sticker on your car. no one in your family remembers buying it or putting it there. it starts to fade, so one afternoon you peel it off. the next morning, a new one is in it’s place, bright red and yellow. no one in your family remembers buying or putting it there. 
  • you drive down the street. you’re in rural baltimore country, and this road will eventually take you into the city. you drive past lurid, over-sized blue signs. “make america great again,” they scream. you keep driving. you keep driving. you must be close to the city now: the cars around you whisper #feelthebern and #imwither. there’s a rainbow flag hanging on someone’s front porch. 
  • you’re driving to the inner harbor. your phone’s gps is taking you on a route that is new to you. you drive down a grim looking street. the buildings are dilapidated, the rusted metal playground empty. the signs are all too faded to read. you turn the music off anyways. 
That’s Tammy, Trey’s ex-girlfriend. This is classic Tammy. Trey broke up with Tammy because Maureen Kinallen said that she saw Tammy flirting with Walt Timby at a party. But she was only doing it to make Trey jealous because, you know, she thought that Trey secretly liked Erin Hannabry. But Trey didn’t like Erin Hannabry. It was all a bunch of bull.