the drink nation

anonymous asked:

since katashi and kags loves milk imagine them one of them extremely appalled that the other got the last one in the vending machine omg

katashi is soft for juniors so he wouldn’t mind and he’d be all “ah it’s okay, my sponsors will be sending th-” tobio, sputtering, “M-MILK SPONSORS?” and suddenly tobio’s drive to be the best setter in japan and the world is multiplied by ten bc he wants milk sponsors too

Ok but fairies don’t like iron so clearly Irn Bru was created as a modern urban solution to Scotland’s fairy problem.

I mean think about it, very few stories have cropped up of people being taken by the Good Neighbours since the late nineteenth century which coincides with the rise of popular health tonics like iron brews, while the precursor to THE Irn Bru was brought out in 1901. 

This ALSO coincides with the lifetimes of individuals such as Andrew Lang (who of course published a version of Robert Kirk’s Secret Commonwealth, and Kirk was one of those reputed to have been taken by the fairies) and the prominence of Victorian cutesy fairy tradition may have brought public attention to very real, malevolent and not particularly cutesy human-fairy issues in the contemporary world, sparking an effort to end abductions.

The Good Neighbours cannot have been particularly happy about this, not least because it’s status as ‘Scotland’s Other National Drink’ threatened the position of their own invention, whisky, from which they still draw massive revenues (because obviously Scotch whisky is supernatural, how else would it be the best, and it is well-known that those who imbibe have a greater chance of seeing the Fair Folk). Various attempts to placate fairy distillers have taken place over the years however, and to bring the two communities together, with much greater success since devolution and the founding of the Scottish parliament (the fairy community being considered an embarrassment and marker of backwardness by the Scots at the time of the Act of Union, so attempts were made to hide them from Westminster, though not always successfully). 

One particularly prominent symbol of improved relations between the communities is the famous snowman Christmas advert, conceived as a metaphor for human and fairy cooperation (the snowman being animated by magic, though hiding behind the conventional Christmas imagery of Raymond Briggs’ classic). However it has been an established principle in Scots law since at least 1946 that humans who have taken regular doses of irn bru are off-limits and unable to be “invited” to the fairy world without fully understanding what they’d got into (whisky drinkers are plainly related to ancient bardic traditions and thus much more likely to go looking for such experiences than the sober), thus lessening the chance of nasty diplomatic situations. 

Drink your irn bru kids, unless you want to be taken by the fairies

the gang, ranked by manipulability

4. Charlie

Charlie is almost impossible to manipulate – his mind works so differently from everyone else’s, the gang can rarely even guess at his weak points. He doesn’t respond to incentives like sex, spa days, or even positive attention; a date with the Waitress is always a surefire motivator, but there’s only so many times the gang can employ this tactic. In “Charlie Rules the World” Dee successfully persuades Charlie to her side by offering him $5 – but this is more like straight bribery than true manipulation. Charlie’s resistance to manipulation is effectively his superpower within the gang, and it’s likely the reason that he and Dennis rarely hang out one-on-one (more about this later).

3. Dee

Dee is also surprisingly difficult for the gang to manipulate. This is ironic, because outside the gang – as we see in “Underage Drinking: A National Concern” and “High School Reunion” – she is absolute putty in the hands of people she perceives as the popular crowd. Given her desperate and lifelong need for attention and validation (”Tell me I’m good! Tell me I’m good!”), she should be incredibly easy to manipulate. It’s not that the gang is unaware of her insecurity, but in practice, they’re not particularly clever at exploiting it. Dennis in particular tends to attack her physical appearance, projecting his own issues onto her and foolishly failing to recognize her remarkable lack of vanity about her looks (perhaps stemming from her relief, even now, simply to be out of the back brace). Interestingly, it’s Charlie who seems most skilled at getting into Dee’s head (as we see in “The Nightman Cometh” and “Charlie Rules the World”) – partly because she underestimates him and hasn’t built up the defenses against him that she has against Dennis, Mac, and Frank; and partly, I think, because on some level she genuinely admires Charlie.

2. Mac

Mac is ridiculously easy to manipulate, as Dennis knows well. What Dennis doesn’t quite understand, however, is that Mac is not manipulable so much as suggestible: he never truly outgrew being Ronnie the Rat, and he’ll always side with anyone he perceives as an authority. (If it’s not immediately apparent who’s in charge, he’ll “play both sides” until he figures it out, as we see in “Frank Retires.”) Dennis devotes a lot of time and energy to manipulating Mac, but in fact, this is wholly unnecessary; Mac would likely be just as responsive to direct requests, as long as they’re coming from Dennis. The entirety of “Ass Kickers United: Mac and Charlie Join a Cult” could probably have been avoided, for example, had Dennis simply said, “Hey, Mac, stop eating my Thin Mints.” Likewise, while Mac and Dennis were manipulated into buying a timeshare together in “Mac and Dennis Buy a Timeshare,” you just know that if Mac had been alone, the guy could have asked him “Want to buy a timeshare?” and Mac would immediately have been like “Sure!” without needing to be convinced at all.

1. Dennis

It may seem surprising that Dennis, the self-styled master manipulator of the gang, should also be the one most vulnerable to manipulation. But in fact it makes perfect sense: manipulation is Dennis’s love language, his primary mode of interaction with the world, and if he won’t listen to reason, he’s always available for seduction. His vanity about his looks is a button that, when pressed, will get him to do anything. His family members, Dee and Frank, understand this better than anyone: it was effortlessly easy for Frank to manipulate Dennis into sex work, and Dee surely enjoys knowing that she has the power to send Dennis into a spiraling mental breakdown simply by telling him that his face looks fat. Charlie might understand it too, but if so, he doesn’t use this knowledge to manipulate Dennis, because that’s just not how Charlie operates (hence the rarity of their one-on-one interactions and tentative nature of their friendship). Mac has no idea, and if he ever finds out, God help us all.

Dearest Tay...21&over SS? Just a suggestion ;)

@taylorswift HeygirlHey! I had the great pleasure of meeting some super rad fellow over 21 Swifties today & we came up with a GREAT idea! …ready for it? (sorry, I had to!) A 21 and over Secret Session were we can hang, drink wine, talk life, eat cookies, & listen to whatever you are willing to let us listen to. LET’S DO THIS! 

Sincerely,

Lisa


PS - My fellow over 21-ers…please feel free to add your name to this!

@taylorswift @taylornation

Voltron Birthdays

Hunk: January 13 (National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day, National Drinking Straw Day, National Fruitcake Toss Day)

Shiro: February 29 (National Leap Day)

Pidge: April 3 (National Chocolate Mousse Day, World Party Day, National Find a Rainbow Day, National Tweed Day)

Lance: July 28 (National Milk Chocolate Day, Buffalo Soldiers Day, National Get Gnarly Day, National Talk in an Elevator Day, National System Administrator Appreciation Day)

Keith: TBA

2

that feel when one of your kids gets the rest of your 48 kids drunk and you are too outnumbered to do anything but feel like a failure of a father