the douchebag jar

8 Must-Watch Movies & Shows on Netflix

By: Grecia

Feeling bored on a warm summer night? Snuggle up in a blanket, grab a cup of coffee and make Netflix your date for the night.

  1. Stuck in Love - This movie has possibly some of the best actors all combined into one. Starring Logan Lerman and Lily Collins along with Nat Wolff and Liana Liberato, this isn’t your typical love story. There is romance but with that comes hard moments that they have to overcome in their lives. 
  2. Supernatural - If you have never seen Supernatural, you have to as soon as possible. Literally close this tab and go watch it right now! This is my all time favorite show. With 9 seasons so far and renewed for a 10th season, there’s a reason why it has so many viewers. Who doesn’t love the protagonists Sam & Dean that save the world fighting monsters? Beware this show is rollercoaster of emotions. 
  3. American Horror Story - Okay, this show is a little bit on the creepy side so if you are not a fan of scary things or get scared way too easy while watching scary movies, this show is not for you. On the other hand those who are scary-movie fanatics, have to watch this show. It has me literally glued to the TV while watching. It is super intense and what I love is that each season has a different theme but the same cast stars in it. Oh and what more can I say, one of the main reasons I watch it is because the unbelievably gorgeous Evan Peters.
  4. Gossip Girl - Based in NYC’s upper east side, this show is everything. It revolves around the lives of teenagers who have it all, and two siblings who don’t and strive to become part of their clique. I can literally re watch old episodes and never get tired of watching it. There is a lot of drama that comes with this show, it can make you laugh and cry and wish you had their life. Also basically everyone dates each other throughout a point in the show.
  5. Clueless - This movie is like the 90’s version of Mean Girls. If you feel like watching a chick flick, this is it. Cher will become your fashion icon after watching this film and you’ll fall in love with Paul Rudd. Cher, the protagonist, along with her best friend Dionne make it their life mission to transform a new girl, Tai and make her as popular as they are. At the end of this movie, you will catch yourself saying AS IF ! 
  6. Bates Motel - A prequel to the 1960’s film Psycho, this show is about Norman Bates a teenager, and his mother Norma Bates starting a new life after the mysterious death of Norma’s husband. They move to White Pine Bay, Oregon after Norma buys a motel there. Norma is very protective of Norman and they have this abnormal relationship. Norma knows about a mental illness Norman has  where he has blackouts and he kills people but doesn’t remember and she decides to keep it a secret from him and everyone else. Moving to White Pine Bay doesn’t do much help because the past comes back to haunt.
  7. New Girl - Oh wow basically this show is a series of funny gifs you see on your tumblr dashboard. You will fall in love with the whole cast. It is based in L.A when Jess a teacher, moves into a loft with three other guys. The show shows their complicated lives and troubles and the crazy stuff they get into. You will become very familiar with the DOUCHEBAG JAR.
  8. The Walking Dead - This show is action packed and will keep you on your toes. In a apocalyptic world, where zombies have invaded, live a small group of people who are fighting for their lives. Their leader Rick Grimes makes tough decisions, to keep everyone safe. Throughout each season they grow stronger,closer to each other, and they go through many horrible things, and troubles but they combat everything in order to survive.

Photographer: Emily Keenan

gaara naruto and sasuke share an apartment and they have a douchebag jar (new girl) where u put money in every time you act like a tool and naruto and sasuke could pay rent with the amount of coin theyre throwing into it

OH MY GOD

Guys i have this headcanon where in the avengers tower they have the douchebag jar

And it’s always full of money, and obviously mostly tony’s, but there are a few of the other’s

like one time clint keeps himself to himself and he’s all crumpy, and the avengers wonder why and natasha just shoots ‘i have my period, so he’s not getting any tonight’ and they just hear bruce in the other room shouting ‘what the hell, natasha! jar!’

and when steve receives a package and utters ‘oh sweet jesus, bucky, it finally came’ and takes out a complicate-looking bondage set and everyone in room turns to look at him and sam mutters ‘man, you know i love ya. but go put 20 fucking dollars in the jar

lets not talk about thor’s bare ass runways and tony’s high pitched screams ‘IF I CANNOT DO IT, YOU CAN’T. YOU,15$,JAR,NOW, GOLDEN RETRIEVER’

danibwills  asked:

A Jon x Sansa New girl AU please !

I hope this is alright! Sorry it’s a million years late! <3 


It was a Wednesday morning when Sansa walked in on Harry arse-naked on top of some blonde in their shared bed. At first, she’d just stood there, thinking about how ugly Harry was and how gross he looked in the throes of sex. Everything about it looked so mechanical and dull – and god, if you’re going to cheat on your girlfriend who you just moved in with then at least throw it all away for a night (or rather morning) of passion. That’s why people cheat, right? They get so overwhelmed by sexual chemistry and something new that they can’t resist themselves, so what does it say about Sansa that her boyfriend of a year cheated on her for mediocre sex?

She’s not sure and it’s better if she pretends she doesn’t know the answer to that question.

“Sans? Where do you want this?”

Her brother is studying her with his arms wrapped tightly around a box labeled ‘shit Sansa doesn’t need’ courtesy of her little sister.

“Um, just… anywhere is good. Thank you, Robb.” The smile she offers is faint and lacking any warmth, but it’s the best she can do considering she’s twenty-six-years-old and moving in with her brother and his two flatmates. She loves Robb and there’s a part of her that still worships the ground he walks on, but she honestly does not want to live with him and his friends. Sansa was supposed to be getting her own space, settling down and being a grown up, only that all went crashing down around her when Harry decided to stick his prick in somewhere else.

She grimaces at the thought and that catches Robb’s attention.

“What?”

“Harry was gross, wasn’t he?” she asks instead, looking around the room. It’s a decent size with two large windows to one side that faces another apartment complex. It’s not a great view, but the room is well-lit and she likes that.

Her brother chuckles in surprise. “We’re just glad you didn’t catch anything.”

Sansa’s grimace grows and she throws a pillow at his head. “Ew, Robb. Don’t even joke about that!” She’s already been to the GP for a very thorough STI test, and thankfully, she’s clean. She supposes the one good thing Harry has going for him is a healthy knowledge of sexual education and the follow-through to always wear a condom.

“Sorry,” he laughs, putting both hands up in the universal sign of surrender, but when Sansa rolls her eyes, her brother moves towards her swiftly and wraps her in his signature bear hugs. “Hey, you’re better off without him, yeah? You’re way too good for a weasel like Harry.”

“I know that,” she mumbles into his shirt.

“I love you, Lemon.”

“Love you too, Bacon,” she says, shaking her head at their stupid childhood nicknames. Lemon for her for the amount of lemon cakes she used to eat and Bacon for him for the amount of bacon he used to steal from everyone’s plates. In their defence, Sansa had been four and Robb seven.

Once her brother leaves her new room, Sansa flops down on the bed with a heavy groan. She doesn’t know what’s more tragic – the fact that her boyfriend cheated on her or the fact that she doesn’t feel even a smidgen of heartbreak.

+++

“THEON, GET THE HELL OUT!”

“I’M SO SORRY I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE HOME!”

Sansa grabs for her towel and runs out into the living room where Robb is sitting on the L-shaped sofa with Jon playing some video game. Both are staring up at them with wide eyes, but she takes no notice of this. She’s too busy glaring daggers at the scrawny man before her.

“How do you not – didn’t you hear the shower going!” She’s not screaming any more but she is still very close to killing him.

“What? Mate, did you fucking walk in on my sister showering?” Robb is now on his feet with a scowl on his face. Theon instinctively recoils back in fear, which really irks Sansa, because he should be more afraid of her.

“I didn’t mean to. I swear it was an accident!” Theon says in a rush. He looks to Sansa and seems to be imploring her with his eyes. “Honest, Sansa! And if it makes you feel any better, you have a very lovely figure.”

“Ugh, douchebag jar now!” she screeches in frustration, grabbing an empty can from the nearby table and hurling it at Theon’s head. He ducks in time but the physical action does make her feel a little better. “You guys need to fix that lock or I swear to god I will make your lives hell.” With that said, she storms back to the shower to finish rinsing out her hair.

Day six of living with the boys is going disastrously. Not only has Theon seen her naked but she’s pretty sure she’s heard her brother having sex multiple times now, and if it happens again, she’s going to cut off her ears.

+++

It’s Valentine’s Day and Sansa officially hates her life. Harry and her had plans to travel down to London and stay at a nice hotel. Of course now her Valentine’s Day consists of cocooning herself in a duvet while watching Bridget Jones’ Diary and drinking wine. It’s mean and petty but she’s fuming that everyone she knows has plans. Even Theon sodding Greyjoy has a date! How did that buffoon trick someone into going out with him is beyond her, but she supposes the silver lining is that she has the flat to herself.

Bridget has just shown up to the garden party in a little bunny outfit when the door to the flat bursts open and Jon comes stumbling in decked out in his fireman uniform. He looks weary and exhausted, and it takes him several minutes to notice her. In fact, he probably wouldn’t have at all if she hadn’t shifted on the sofa causing the leather to squelch underneath her.

Fuck!” he exclaims, jumping back in surprise. His curly hair is in such disarray and his eyes are so comically wide she has a hard time stifling the giggle rising up her throat. “I didn’t – I thought you’d be out or something.”

Sansa arches a brow. “With who? My non-existent boyfriend or my illustrious ex?”

Jon flushes and rubs the back of his neck. “Right, sorry. I just thought you of all people would have a date.”

Me of all people? What’s that supposed to mean?”

If it’s possible for a person to turn into a tomato, Jon is doing a very good job right now with that transformation. “Nothing. Um… Bridget Jones?”

“You like Bridget Jones?” This is news to her. But then most of what she’s found out about Robb’s sullen best friend is news to her. “Didn’t peg you as the type.”

He shrugs as he kicks off his shoes and drops down next to her. “It’s alright.” But thirty minutes later, Jon is completely gripped by the story. He’s laughing and shaking his head in time to each crazy or absurd thing Bridget does. It’s surprisingly endearing and Sansa finds herself watching him for the rest of the film instead. He has a very expressive face when it’s not wearing that grumpy mask he has on most of the time.

“Why aren’t you on a date?” Sansa asks once the credits start rolling.

Jon blinks at her, fingers clenching and unclenching around his coffee mug filled to the brim with red wine. “Don’t really feel like dating.”

“Bad breakup?” she pushes, because she really doesn’t know a thing about Jon and she should considering they’re now flatmates. He’s also the most sane one out of the three of them.

“Does it count as a reason if it was over two years ago?”

Sansa surprises herself by laughing at that. “Yeah, sure. If it was bad enough.”

“Is my ex getting into a car accident, going into a coma for three months and waking up only to decide to travel the world without me bad enough?” he asks, and if it isn’t for the glimmer of a smile on his lips, Sansa would be horrified by that tale.

She pretends to think about it for a second. “Hmm… I guess I can give you that one.”

“You’re so gracious,” Jon says, chuckling. “So what was your bad breakup? Robb didn’t really tell us anything other than Harry is a twat and he’s going to gut him like a fish.”

“Oh god,” she sighs. Robb really needs to get a grip on this overprotective brother thing. If she hears he actually tried to fight Harry, she’ll kill them both. “I think you have me beat on the bad breakup front but I think coming home to see your boyfriend breaking in your new mattress with someone that’s not you is pretty rubbish.”

“Ouch,” Jon says, as he reaches over to place a comforting hand over her own. His hand is big and warm, calloused but still soft enough to make her body shiver from the contact. “That is shit, Sansa. I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“It’s okay,” Sansa says automatically, before feeling emboldened by the wine to add, “but you know what’s the most screwed up part? I’m actually more upset about the mattress than I am about Harry. I mean – I paid for half of that mattress and mattresses are expensive, Jon. They’re supposed to be an investment, right? Except now I’ll never be able to use it.”

He shakes his head, smiling bemusedly at her. “You’ll buy a new mattress.”

“But it was a really good mattress!” she whines. “It has one of those memory foam things.”

“Oh jesus, yeah, that’s definitely a real loss,” Jon nods with a completely serious expression. “I’m sorry for your pain.”

“Shut up.” She swats at him with one of the ends of the duvet. “You’re an asshole.”

Jon grins, grabbing the remote from her and flicking through Netflix for something else to watch. “I hate to break it to you, Sans, but everyone in this flat is an asshole. Even you.”

“Excuse me?” she cries out indignantly.

Uhuh, so you’re saying you’re not the one that threw all of Theon’s toiletries into the toilet? Or the one that keeps turning down the boiler so it’s practically the Arctic Circle in here?”

“Well…” Sansa chews on her bottom lip as she hides behind her wine glass. “In my defence, Theon deserved it and – I like the cold.”

“See,” Jon smirks now. “Asshole.”

+++

Theon gets dumped by his girlfriend on a Friday.

In the five months Sansa’s been living with them, Theon’s been with this girl for three of those months and he was actually normal. He only had to add to the douchebag jar every other day as opposed to every day. They were even becoming sort of friends because apparently boyfriend-Theon likes to get Sansa’s opinion on how to dote on his girlfriend. It was cute, which was why when Theon comes home looking as broken as an abandoned puppy, Sansa is game with the boys to taking him out and getting him shitfaced drunk.

She’s not much of a drinker herself. Sansa doesn’t like to lose control. As a Scottish woman from a very Scottish family, this is practically unheard of, but her mother is from a posh family in Oxford, who doesn’t believe in drinking in excess, so that’s probably where she gets it from. It works out in their little ragtag group because by ten-thirty, Theon and Robb are so drunk they’re swaying and stumbling into anyone in a ten-metre radius, and Sansa just knows she’s going to have to shove them in a taxi soon.

Bitch,” Jon slurs beside her. The two of them are leaning against a table, watching as the two idiots tell some wild joke to a group of girls, who look way too young for them.

“What?”

He glances down at her for a brief second before returning his focus on the boys. “Theon’s ex. She was a bloody bitch.”

“What actually happened?” Sansa asks. She doesn’t know the story and she’s too afraid to ask Theon in case he starts crying, because drunk Theon? She can handle that. Emotional and crying Theon? That’s out of her realm.

Jon sighs and angles his body towards hers so he can lean in to speak more privately.

It is incredibly unfair how attractive he is. Sansa shouldn’t even be thinking that he’s hot because he’s her flatmate, and over the past few months, Jon’s become something like a best friend to her. They spend most weekends together lying on the sofa watching Netflix and drinking wine. He’ll occasionally drop by the preschool she works at if it’s his day off to bring her lunch. And if he’s working late, Sansa will wait up for him just to make sure he’s home in one piece and there’s someone there for him to talk to if it’s a particularly gruesome fire. She doesn’t want to ruin that by something as stupid as attraction.

“She told Theon that he spends an unreasonable amount of time with us,” Jon says lowly, the timbre of his voice sending shivers up her spine. “She actually told him that he shouldn’t have flatmates at his age and gave him an ultimatum to either move in with her or break up.”

“He chose us?” Sansa’s voice wavers and she forgets all about Jon and his stupidly attractive face and body because she’s suddenly overcome with such affection for Theon. Yeah, he’s a bit perverse and has no brain-to-mouth filter, but he chose them.

“Of course he chose us,” Jon says, looking at her incredulously. “Theon may be a prick most of the time but he’s loyal.”

“He just gives off the impression that he’d drop us for the next best thing,” she admits with shame colouring her tone.

To Jon’s credit, he chuckles and touches her shoulder gingerly. “I’m not saying he’s not an opportunistic twat or that he won’t screw us over one day but never intentionally.”

That sounds more like the Theon she knows, but even so, Sansa can’t find it in herself to really hate him for being that kind of person. It’s just who he is. With a father like Balon Greyjoy, it kind of makes sense for him to be the way he is, but Jon’s right. He is good. Given the chance, he would do the right thing – which is exactly the moment Sansa spots his ex-girlfriend and anger curls deep in her chest.

“Wait here,” she tells Jon and starts forward without waiting for a response. As Sansa gets closer and closer to Naiyla Rochelle, she starts to realise she doesn’t exactly have a plan. She wants to punch her but that probably isn’t going to help Theon any. She could tell her if she ever contacts Theon again, Sansa will have her killed and hide her body in the river or something, but that seems very extreme and hyperbolic.

Naiyla,” she greets with a wide obviously fake smile. “It’s good to see you again.”

The brunette startles at seeing Sansa but plasters on an equally fake smile. “Sansa, hi. How are you?”

“Pretty great.” She’s at least a good foot taller than Naiyla so she uses her height to her advantage, straightening her limbs to appear more intimidating. “I’m so sorry to hear about you and Theon. It’s such a shame. But I guess it worked in my favour, you know?” She smiles bashfully. “I’ve always had the biggest crush on Theon.”

“Really, you?” Naiyla looks sceptical.

“Are you kidding?” Sansa says with wide eyes. “He’s a bit rough around the edges, I admit, but when he cares about someone, he’s loyal till the very end. He’ll wade through trash just to get back to the people he loves.” She glances behind her and waves in Theon’s general direction. “Oh, I have to run now. So nice to see you again. Have a good night, Naiyla.”

When she saunters back to Jon, he has one brow arched and a bemused smile on his face. “What did you say to her? She looks ready to kill you.”

Sansa smirks. “Nothing. I was the perfect lady.”

“Yeah,” Jon smiles, fond. “I bet you were.”

+++

Sansa goes away to a teacher convention for four days. It’s the longest she’s been apart from the boys in seven months and she really misses them.

She misses the lazy afternoons with her brother sitting on the roof of their building. She misses Theon yelling and shouting at the football match as he simultaneously tries to explain to her what’s going on. She misses Jon and his hugs and how he always smells like smoke and something distinctly him. She misses the way he catches her eye across the breakfast table and gives her a small barely-there smile. God, it’s pathetic but she even misses the way he would argue with her about the best way to handle problems in the flat.

When Sansa finally returns, it’s to an empty flat and she can’t help the kernel of disappointment from ricocheting around in her stomach. She wasn’t expecting a welcome back party but she did expect something. Dropping her suitcase in her room, Sansa immediately goes to take a shower because three hours on a bus has made her feel gross and sticky. But once she’s done, there’s still no one around. In fact, by the time Sansa finishes her dinner, she’s beginning to get a little worried about where everyone is. It’s a Sunday so they should all be home. None of them ever do anything on a Sunday.

To Flat Fam

Sansa: Where are you guys?

Barely a minute goes by before she gets a response.

Robb: Ur home!? I thought u were getting back on the 10th!

Sansa winces at her brother’s text speak. She hates text speak.

Sansa: It is the 10th!

Robb: Oh shit. Sorry Sans. Theon n I are in Manchester for the footy. We’re getting the late train back. Won’t be in till midnight.

Sansa: Okay. Where’s Jon?

Robb: Wait is he not in his room?

Sansa: No.

Abruptly, her phone starts buzzing and it’s Robb ringing her.

“Uh hello?”

“Okay, so don’t yell at us but we didn’t tell you because we didn’t want to worry you,” Robb greets without preamble.

“What are you on about?”

Her brother sighs heavily on the other end of the line. It’s a bit of a strain to hear him over the roaring crowd in the background. “So Jon, our resident idiot, got himself hurt during a house fire. He had a concussion, a couple of fractured ribs and he lost a lot of blood. He’s okay now but he’s supposed to be on house rest.”

Sansa’s heart slows to a worrying pace. The very thought that she could’ve lost Jon and no one even thought to tell her is making her body shut down, like it just doesn’t know how to react.

“He’s at the station,” Sansa says mechanically, working on autopilot now. “I have to go.”

“Sansa, don’t –”

But she’s already hung up and grabbed someone’s jumper from the back of a chair. Coincidentally, it’s Jon’s. His scent overwhelms her and she’s stuck between being furious with him and just wanting to bury her face in his chest so she can breathe him in and be sure he’s really there.

It takes her nearly twenty minutes to reach the station. The entire time people have been giving her a wide berth as she stomps through town in Jon’s way too large jumper, her pyjama bottoms and the three-inch heeled boots she left lying by the front door. It’s probably not going to get her on any street style list but she’s glad for the space it’s providing her.

When she enters the station, her eyes immediately zero in on one of Jon’s coworker. She’s met all of them several times now at house parties and pub nights, so she doesn’t hesitate to grab him by the shirt.

“Where’s Jon?” Sansa demands. He shrinks from her glare. “Edd, I’m not kidding around. Where is he?”

“Uh… upstairs. In the… um, office.”

Unclenching her fist from around Edd’s shirt, Sansa continues to stomp her way upstairs until she sees the office and barges in. Jon jumps from his seat with a hand over his heart as he stares up at her.

“Not one text!” Sansa shouts at him. “I didn’t get one text from you this entire weekend. You know, at first, I thought to myself, ‘oh he’s probably busy,’ so I didn’t overthink it, but I just found out from Robb that you were in an accident?” He opens his mouth to reply but she cuts him off. “What if it was more serious? What if you had died? And the last thing we ever said to each other was just… I don’t know. I don’t even remember, Jon! I can’t even –” Her voice breaks and she realises belatedly she’s crying. “I can’t remember!”

Jon’s up and out of his chair in seconds, cupping her face in between his hands. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Sansa,” he murmurs between kisses to every inch of her cheeks. “But I’m here. I’m here and I’m alive and I’m not going anywhere.”

“You can’t promise that,” Sansa points out, glaring at him even though she’s still crying. “No one can promise that.”

“Okay, how about I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life however short or long it is talking to you every day?” Jon suggests with a faint smile.

She shakes her head. “That’s silly. You don’t have to talk to me every day.”

“But I want to,” he says seriously. “I want to talk to you all of the time. When I don’t, it’s like – nothing feels right, like I’m missing something.” He leans forward slowly to give her ample time to move away and kisses her. It’s barely there, just the soft press of lips, before he’s pulling back. “I’m so bloody in love with you, Sansa.”

Instead of responding, Sansa grabs the collar of his shirt and drags him back to her so she can show him just how much she loves him too, how no one’s opinion has ever meant more to her than his, how he can fix any bad day just by wrapping his arms around her and letting her cling onto him.

When they’re lying in her bed later that night, Sansa rolls over, her cheek pressed into his bare chest and whispers, “I love you too, Jon.”

+++

“You two are real cute and all but I do not want to walk into my own home and be greeted by the sight of my best friend and my baby sister having sex.”

Sansa untucks herself from Jon’s side so she can turn and roll her eyes at her brother. “We’re literally cuddling on the sofa fully clothed.”

“Yeah, well, this is a PDA-free zone,” Robb huffs as he disappears into the kitchen with the groceries, while Theon walks up to the back of the sofa with an awkward smile on his face.

“Uh Sans… Can I talk to you for a second?”

She nods and then turns to Jon to see if he knows what’s going on but her boyfriend just shrugs. Sansa follows Theon out of the living room to the corridor. He looks even more uncomfortable now than he did before, which is really bizarre. She’s never seen him this awkward in her life.

“I ran into Naiyla today,” Theon says. “Apparently, she thinks we’re together?”

Sansa barks out a laugh. “Oh my god, I forgot all about that!”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Remember when we took you out after she broke up with you?” she asks, to which he nods. “I saw her there too and I might’ve told her I had a huge crush on you and insinuated she was a pile of trash.” Sansa shrugs, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry…”

“Sorry?” Theon repeats and laughs loudly, drawing her into a hug. “Oh no, don’t ever fucking apologise for calling her trash! I mean that’s awesome. Thanks, Sans! I didn’t even know you liked me that much.” And in typical Theon fashion, he winks at her.

“Don’t push it,” Sansa says, heaving a sigh. “I like you a small amount but I hate Naiyla more for what she did to you.”

Theon sniggers. “Yeah, she’s a fucking bitch. Tried to get back together and everything.”

No, really!”

“Yeah, apparently she ‘missed me so much’,” Theon mocks and rolls his eyes. “Never again.”

“I’m glad you’re over her,” she says emphatically, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Honestly, you can do way better.”

“It has been like, nearly a year since we broke up, Sans,” Theon says. “I’m ready to move on and whatever.”

“Good! That’s really good. It took me awhile too after Harry but…” She glances back towards the living room to the sounds of Jon’s laughter. “It was worth it to go through all of that shit to get to him.”

A rare genuine smile appears on Theon’s face and she almost wants to comment on it but his next words are even more surprising that she doesn’t get a chance.

“I’ve never seen either of you look so happy… but it’s not just that. It’s like you’re both finally at peace or something. I don’t know.” He shrugs a little bashfully, like he doesn’t want anyone to know he can actually have meaningful thoughts. “It’s nice to see, that’s all.”

“Aww, Theon, you do have feelings!”

“Oh fuck off, Sansa.”

  • Lucas: Are you warm? I'm a little warm right now. *pulls off his shirt*
  • Maya: Please put your shirt back on. Please don't make me laugh at you.
  • Lucas: Can I get you some tea? A little herb tea? Some teabag action - I didn't mean -
  • Farkle: That's a dollar. Douchebag jar.
  • Lucas: *gets a dollar out*
  • Maya: Listen to me, guys. Riley is by far the best person that I know, so if you guys let anything happen to her, I'm going to come back here and crazy murder you.
  • Lucas: I'm sorry, I didn't really hear you. I was distracted...
  • Farkle: Jar!
  • Zay: Why are you talking like this? Why are you like this?
How To Be A Witch

The Definitive Guide

Step One: Call yourself a witch

Step Two: Practice witchcraft

Step Three: That’s it. That’s literally it. It doesn’t matter if you’re gay, straight, bi, pan, ace, a dude, a chick, a non-binary person: If you call yourself a witch and practice witchcraft, you’re a witch. Doesn’t matter what branch of witchcraft or if you practice daily or once a month or whatever. You’re a witch.

Step Four: Don’t steal from closed cultures you don’t belong to! That’s a douchebag move.

Step Five: Jars???? Maybe???