the dorans

Teenage Elia Martell Steals a Baby: a Very Short ASOIAF Fic
  • Doran: So, how did you guys like Casterly Rock?
  • Oberyn: *elaborate jerk-off motions*
  • Doran: ...okay, so probably not great. How about you, Elia?
  • Elia: *unwrapping cloak to reveal infant* I stole a baby, his name is Tyrion and I Love him.
  • Doran: ...Elia...you can't...you can't steal babies. Probably not from anyone, and definitely not from the Lannisters.
  • Oberyn: Fuckin' watch her.
  • Elia: YEAH.
  • Doran: Why are you both like this. Does Mom know?
  • Princess of Dorne: *shouting from next room* Yes, I do, and Elia better not come crying to me if the Lannisters start pestering her to marry that baby!
  • Doran: What the hell is going on in the Westerlands?
  • Elia: *cooing at Baby Tyrion* Nothing that a GOOD SMALL BABY should have to deal with.
  • Oberyn: *even more elaborate jerk-off motions*

On 17 August, 2012, 17-year-old Conner Doran, 14-year-old Simon Evans and 14-year-old Brandon Doran brutally beat 53-year-old Kevin Bennett, a homeless man, to death for a dare. It was said that Conner was the ringleader and the one who dared them to kill Kevin, who suffered a fractured eye socket, a collapsed lung, and a broken ribcage in the unprovoked and vicious attack. The three teenagers were found guilty and were told they would remain detained until the home secretary approves their release.