the distance kind of startled me

A Wild Night in Vegas -- Part 8

Well here you are my darlings! This isn’t the end of the Vegas AU, but probably one of the last you’ll get for a little while. My plot monster @outlandishchridhe has been an amazing partner to write with and I look forward to where this story takes us! A very special thanks to @shortiemcbealle for her amazing ideas that we got to incorporate into this chapter.

Thank you all SO SO much for your support and encouragement for this story.

Catch up on previous chapters HERE or on my Master List HERE


Claire was still in complete and utter shock. Jamie had embraced her, dropping the small stick to the floor and lifting her off her feet. She couldn’t tell if the noises they were making were laughter or tears, but they were joyful nonetheless.

She had followed him out into the kitchen, perching on a stool to watch him put together supper for them. It could have been minutes or hours later when Claire came to, a delicious looking meal of chicken and rice with a salad placed in front of her by Jamie.

“Are ye alright, Sassenach?” he questioned her softly, taking care not to spook her. “Ye’ve been verra quiet.”

“I’m fine,” she replied, looking off into the distance. “I know that I had thought that I was, but it…it feels different now. Knowing.”

“Is it what ye want?”

She startled and looked directly at him for the first time since they’d left the bathroom, a masked look of anxiety coloring his features.

“Yes! I promise it is! It just feels so surreal that it’s thrown me off kilter a bit. I’m not having any kind of second thoughts.”

“That’s good. Ye didna have much for breakfast, so eat up.”

With her hand over her stomach, she wondered for a moment if the test had been a false positive.

“I will in a moment. I’ll be right back. Go ahead and start eating. I’ll just be a moment.”

After a quick kiss on his cheek, she slipped into the bathroom again and looked at the box of pregnancy tests. There were four more in the box. If she took them at intervals, it would give her the best result, right? Hoping Jamie wouldn’t notice how long she was gone, she took the second test and waited. A mix of relief and fear twisted in her gut: PREGNANT.

While she washed her hands, her heart began to race. Two tests could be false positives, couldn’t they? Unlikely, but still possible.

Jamie was scrolling through something on his phone when she returned to the table. Glancing up at her, he smiled.

“Everything alright?”

“Yes, I’m just fine. We,” she put her hand over her stomach. “We’re both fine. Just had to pee. Again. Too much water.”

His eyes narrowed at her for a moment before he nodded, trying hard not to let a smile escape his lips.

“Good. Can ye eat now?”

They sat and had their dinner quietly, her mind whirling with possibilities. What would she do? Between work and school, her life was already busy. And now to add a newborn to that?

“Are you sure we can do this?” she asked, watching him clean the dishes. “Have a baby, I mean.”

“I think that ship’s already sailed, Sassenach. And I seem to recall telling ye that I’d be by your side every step of the way. What’s to do next then?”

“I’ll need to call my doctor and get an exam done. They’ll give me a test to confirm the pregnancy and then we’ll start the process of check ups and all that.”

Jamie nodded, eyes distracted.

“Ye’ll tell me when yer appointments are? I’ll no’… I don’t want ye to go alone. I want to come wi’ ye too. I want… to see the bairn. If ye dinna mind,” he said, looking down quickly as his face and ears turned pink.

“Of course.” He looked up to see a large smile gracing her beautiful face. “I’ll call first thing in the morning.”

Going to bed that night was comfortable. They moved around each other easily, neither feeling shy anymore. Jamie gathered her into his arms, one hand resting on her stomach again, attracted to it like a magnet.

“Sassenach, I’ve something I’d like ye to think about.”

“What is it?”

“Ye dinna need to give an answer right now, just give yourself time to think it over. But… If ye think ye wouldna be opposed to it, perhaps we might no’ annul our marriage. But I’ll leave it to you to decide. Just think about it for a time, aye?”

She nodded and laid her head back down on his chest, content. Around midnight, Claire extricated herself from Jamie and went to try another of the home tests. As she waited for this one to reveal it’s answer, her mind began to wander. Did she expect a different result? Did she want a different result? If it did come back negative, would she believe it? She had two previous tests that were positive. When her phone’s timer vibrated quietly, she turned the stick over.

PREGNANT

Tossing it into the small bin Jamie had for a trash can, Claire sighed and slid back into bed. Jamie flinched as her cold feet moved between his, but he drew her close in his sleep. Without thinking, she reached up and brushed his hair behind his ear. That heartbreakingly soft smile pulled at his lips before sliding away again.

“You do break my heart with loving you,” she whispered before laying back down and going to sleep.

In the morning, while Jamie made another impressive breakfast, Claire stood in the bathroom and stared at her reflection.

“You’re being ridiculous. You don’t need to take those last two tests,” she told her reflection, sternly. She sighed and eyed the box. “But, I suppose if I’m in for a penny…”

When the time was up, she turned both the sticks over simultaneously. They both read the same result: PREGNANT.

Feeling relieved and fairly certain that all 5 tests couldn’t possibly be wrong, she called her OB/GYN. She answered their questions and made an appointment for later that afternoon as they’d had a cancellation.

###

The drive to her doctor’s office was quiet, both of them still fraught with nerves.

“We’re here, Sassenach,” Jamie said, startling Claire from her thoughts. She looked over to him and he grabbed her hand. “It’s going to be alright.”

“I know. I’m just nervous.” She tried to smile at him reassuringly, but wasn’t sure it came across more as a grimace.

“Aye, well then. Let’s go.”

Sitting in the waiting room brought on more anxiety. There were a few women in there, all very clearly pregnant. Claire’s hand drifted unconsciously to her abdomen, rubbing small circles. Jamie held her other hand in his, his grasp reassuringly strong.

“Claire Beauchamp!”

She jumped and abruptly stood, pulling Jamie with her, and they followed the nurse back into the office. Claire provided them samples to test for pregnancy again and then was put into a room.

“Go ahead and put the gown on and the doctor will be in once she’s seen the results,” the nurse said, smiling at the couple.

She knew it had only been about 20 minutes, but it felt like a lifetime.

“Relax, mo chridhe,” Jamie soothed, rubbing her leg softly.

A sharp knock echoed from the door and the doctor walked in.

“Well, hello there Miss Beauchamp,” the doctor said to her, smiling. “Tell me why you’re here today.”

“Well, I-I think I’m pregnant,” Claire replied, blushing.

The doctor looked up and had a flicker of surprise cross her face at seeing Jamie sitting next to Claire, but she refocused on Claire almost at once.

“And it says here that you took…5 at home tests?”

“Um, yes.” The flush crept farther up her cheeks, a even darker shade of red forming there. “I wanted to be sure.”

“Don’t worry, it’s quite normal for expectant mother’s to do that,” the doctor stated with a smile. “So, let’s get down to it then, shall we? Your test results came back in and both your blood and urine samples show that you are, probably, pregnant. We need to do the ultrasound to confirm it, but everything is pointing to yes.”

Jamie’s sharp intake of breath caused Claire to turn her attention from the doctor to him. His wide grin was answered by her own and she could have sworn she heard him whisper ‘Thank God’ before he stood to hug her.

“By the date that you told us, it would appear you’re probably about 10 weeks or so along, but we’ll do the ultrasound to check and see if our due date matches with how big baby is. I’ll give you two a few minutes and then we’ll come in and get started.”

Claire’s face was still buried in Jamie’s neck.

“Thank you,” she answered, attempting to hold back tears.

As the door closed, Jamie pulled Claire’s face to look up at his.

“Ye took all the tests in the box?” he joked, light shining in his eyes.

“Don’t you make fun of me, James Fraser,” she pouted. He laughed again and kissed her pursed lips, feeling a smile return to them.

They didn’t have to wait long for the ultrasound. The warning of This will be cold! didn’t really give Claire any time to get ready before the jelly was applied to her abdomen. They both sat, mesmerized by the screen, but unsure of what they were seeing. It all just looked like a fuzzy TV channel.

Suddenly, a small, throbbing sound emanated from the machine.

“Oh, there you are!” the tech said, triumphantly, as a small form appeared on the screen. “There’s your baby!”

Claire’s vision blurred and she realized that the throbbing sound was that of her baby’s heart. She turned to face Jamie and saw that his mouth was slightly open and tears were in his eyes as well.

“Is that -” he choked out, then cleared his throat to try again. “That sound. Is it…?”

“That’s your baby’s heartbeat!” the tech responded, smiling widely at them. “Sounds good and strong too. Would you like a print out to take with you?”

###

They sat together in their living room, staring at the small, black and white printout of their ultrasound.

“I canna believe it,” Jamie said in wonder, fingertips just brushing over the top of the picture.

“I can’t either. It’s amazing. It’s so small.”

He turned to face her, full to bursting with pride and happiness.

“I found it amusin’ that your doctor, she looked a wee bit surprised to see me. But then, I suppose that many women, especially here, end up at those kind of appointments by themselves.”

“I don’t think it was just that, actually.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, she’s actually seen Frank before. Met him once as well. She’s been my doctor since I moved here.”

A sickening thought formed in Jamie’s mind.

“Claire, I have something I need to ask ye.”

She started at his abrupt change in demeanor and felt her whole body stiffen with anxiety.

“Yes?”

“Is there…any possibility that this bairn…that he isna mine?”

“What?! Jamie, I wouldn’t lie to you about something like this.”

“And I dinna think ye are. I’m only askin’ ye to think back and see. Could this bairn no’ be Frank’s?”

“Oh, um, no actually.” She gave a rueful chuckle that made him simultaneously relieved and worried. “Not only had Frank and I not been having sex in the couple weeks prior to my ‘discovery’ in his office, remember what he said, about me not making the time or effort? Well, I had a pregnancy scare a little over a year ago now, but it turned out on that occasion that I was wrong. We also found out that Frank can’t have children. I believe the phrasing the doctor used was that he was ‘shooting blanks.’ Rather unorthodox way of telling someone that sort of news but anyway. So, yes, Jamie. I know this baby is yours. I haven’t made it a habit of running about sleeping with other people.”

She said the last part with a tone full of distaste, her eyes hardening as she remembered that day she had walked into Frank’s office, so naive and unknowing. Though she really couldn’t be bitter about it now, not when that discovery had brought her to where she was now.

“I dinna want ye to think I asked solely for my own sake. I wanted you to be sure as well. It didna occur to me until just now, when you mentioned him. I’ve never been happier, Claire, and it still wouldna change anything.”

“I don’t think much now could change things,” Claire replied softly, leaning into his side. “It’s alright, Jamie. I’m not angry. You couldn’t have known about it. But I’m pretty sure that’s why she looked at you like that. She would have known I couldn’t have children with Frank.”

A short while later, he felt Claire breathe deeply and then falter, as if she wanted to say something, but needed to work up the nerve.

“It’s a little scary, don’t you think?” she asked, voice small.

“Aye. Terrifying. But dinna be afraid, mo nighean donn. What we dinna ken about this, we’ll learn. Together.”

She tilted her head up towards his and reached for a kiss.

His eyes shone with joy, his face in a permanent grin.

“Now that we know for sure that I’m really pregnant, I think I might need to find new work.”

“Aye, I think so too. I dinna want those rowdy men starin’ at ye.”

She smiled a little but shook her head.

“No, it’s not that. Or not only that, at least. But it won’t be healthy for us, me and the baby. Not with all the cigarette smoke inside the bar. I won’t put our child at risk.”

His mouth was suddenly on hers, fingers sliding into her hair.

“What was that?” she asked when he released her.

“Sorry, Sassenach,” he said with a sheepish smile. “I only like the way it sounds when ye say ‘our child’.”

“Well it is ours. Yours and mine.” Her hands spread over her womb and she smiled. “Our little peanut.”

“I dinna want ye to worry overmuch about a new job, aye? Ye’ve got enough going on.”

Snuggling up into his side again, she sighed and relaxed.

###

Claire’s job at the bar had ended shortly after their first ultrasound and she’d been hunting for a new one relentlessly. The difficulty was finding something that would allow her to finish her schooling and that wouldn’t be too much for the baby.

Every time he thought about her pregnancy, he smiled. The lads at work were giving him a hard time about it since he’d put a copy of the ultrasound in his locker. He came home one night to see her at her desk, glaring at her computer.

“My mam always said if ye frowned at somethin’ too long, yer face would be stuck like that,” he said, hanging his keys on their hook.

“Oh! God, is it that time? I completely forgot about dinner, I’m so sorry Jamie.”

“Dinna fash. We’ll order something in. Tomorrow’s my day off, so I thought I’d take ye out for a nice date.”

She closed her computer and stretched. He wrapped her in his arms and hugged her close. Even if he lived forever, he would never tire of holding her.

“That sounds lovely. I think I’m beginning to go cross-eyed from filling out job applications all day.”

“Aye, and I dinna want ye to put the bairn at risk by working too much. So tomorrow we’ll just have a nice day. Now. What are ye in the mood for?”

“I picked dinner last week.”

After a soft kiss on her forehead, he went to the menus he kept in a drawer.

“Aye, but I’m no’ the one that’s pregnant.”

“You spoil me.”

“That’s my job, Sassenach.”

The next morning, Jamie drove them out to Springs Preserve. Claire’s mouth fell open as they parked, her eyes alight with excitement.

“Oh Jamie! I had no idea this was out here!”

“Aye, it’s no’ what ye’d expect in Las Vegas. It’s a nice place to get away from the city. Fresh air, aye?” One arm went around her waist while his other hand rubbed her stomach gently. “Good for you and the bairn.”

“Is that all you think about these days?” she said with a laugh as they headed into the botanical garden. “The baby.”

He smirked.

“No’ all I think about, no. But I think of it quite a bit.”

As they began exploring, Claire surprised him. She knew what the plants were before he’d finished reading their name card. More than that, she began explaining what they were good for and what they had been used for. She was a fount of knowledge about almost everything they walked by. An idea began niggling in the back of his mind as he watched her joy at being around these plants.

“I could kill for some chips,” she said, eyeing the cafe.

“Weel then let’s get ye some chips.”

She began digging into her plate and he smiled at her.

“Sassenach, I ken you’re still lookin’ for work, but I had an idea.”

“Oh?”

“What if ye applied to work here? Like I said the clean air would be good for the bairn. But ye seem happy here, ye enjoy being around living and growing things.”

For a few moments, he watched the thoughts form on her face.

“You know, that’s a great idea, Jamie.”

“I’ve been known to have them from time to time.”

She gave him a flat, though amused, look.

“I’ll have to see if I can speak to someone about an application. It would be nice to have regular hours like a normal person.”

“Aye, it would. And it would make me feel better too. I ken ye’d be safer out here.”

Jamie paid for their lunch and they went off to find someone who worked at the gardens. Once they learned the application was on the website, like everything was these days, they decided to go home.

It was the first time in days that Claire had felt hopeful about finding work, especially when it was something that she loved. As they snuggled into bed that night, whispering words of love to each other, she sighed contentedly. This was the happiest she’d ever been, and she couldn’t wait to see what their future held now.

Issues- Part Five

Negan x you

When the saviors turn up early Negan comes face to face with one of the secrets Rick has been keeping from him. His eldest daughter.

Warning
Upcoming chapters will contain a lot of smut, suggestive rape, suggestive drug usage and of course bad language from the start.  

Word count 2,499

Please read previous parts- HERE

Part Five

The Sanctuary wasn’t what I thought it would be.

Actually, I didn’t really know what I expected but this place, it was freaking huge.

From the little I had seen of it when we arrived, in the pitch black no less, it looked like some kind old factory lot or something.

I could hear walkers groans but Negan told me that they used them to mask us being here. Funnily enough he found the best protection from walkers was walkers. Who’d of thought of that?

See I knew he was smart.

For something of this size there had to be a lot of men and women living here.

More than we had ever realised.

And when you factor in how ever many outposts he has…. He had a fucking Army.

One that could easily wipe out anyone that stood in their path.

Whatever Rick was up to, no matter how many people he could get to work with him he could never win against that. He was a fool to even try.

How many times had he been told?

When we had left Alexandria Eugene and Rosita had been shoved into the back of a truck with sacks over their heads.

I was worried thats I’d have to do, have one on my head and it kind of freaked me out. I remember feeling my breath catch in my throat at the thought.

However Negan walked right passed them towards his black truck and told me to get into the front seat before climbing in himself, slamming the door shut .

Simon and another man that I hadn’t taken notice of before also got in and before I knew it we were off, driving away from everyone I used to class as my family.

I wonder what they thought? What were they all saying now we’d left?

Looking at the man driving, who’s name I didn’t know, he looked like he had some kind of scar on one side of his face. His presence here unnerved me. There was something off with him.

As we moved further and further away Negan undid the red scarf he had around the collar of his leather jacket and wrapped it around my head, covering my eyes. I assumed so I didn’t see the way. Not that it would matter if I did anyway. Why would I go back?

Did he think I would suddenly regret my decision and run back to them, lead them back to the Sanctuary to kill them all.

Even if I did regret it I don’t think I could?

Going back to Alexandria was not something I could ever do again. He had said so himself earlier.

I hadn’t seen the man since I’d arrived, what, a couple of days ago now? Maybe three.

I was loosing track.

As soon as the scarf had been removed from my eyes I had been dragged to a room he had told one of his men to take me too. While he walked away with an arm around Eugene’s shoulders. 

I had no idea what had happened to Rosita, where she was, not that I should care. She despised me. The last look she gave me told me more than I needed to know. She hated me now.

I had been taken up a flight of yellow stairs along a brick corridor and up several more flights of stairs. To this very room.

It was smaller than my room at Alexandria, not that it mattered. Lucky to have a room at all.

It held a small double bed, a sink with running water and a bunch of books and other nicknacks. There was also a small round coffee table with an arm chair either side.

Considering this was the freaking apolocolyspe this was pretty nice. I even had a window. Not that I could see out of it as it was one of those distorted ones that just let light through.

When I slept I felt him.

It was as if he was in the room with me.

Running those long fingers across my exposed skin, leaving a trail of fire as they moved.

At one point I swear I could even feel his lips caressing my skin.

My dreams were driving me crazy.

I needed to see him again.

Touch him.

I missed his presence.

The only time I had seen anyone was when one of the men barged in with a tray of food. I tried to speak to them the first few times but gave up when I got nothing but silence in return.

This wasn’t what I had expected, to be honest I felt a little like a prisoner than someone who had willingly come. Had I made a mistake?

Catching me off guard the door flew open again, however this time it was a face I recognised.

The guy with the scar on his face from the truck. There was still something about him that unnerved me. If could just be the scars making him look scarier than he was but… I don’t know. My gut never usually lead me wrong.

“Come on” he signalled he wanted me to follow him. Not daring to say a word I got up and walked towards him as my stomach embarrassingly grumbled loudly. Opps.

“You haven’t eaten?” He sounded annoyed and turned to look at someone behind him. Craning my neck I could see it was a large man who was asleep with a sandwich in his hand. Someones in trouble.

“Lets get you some food, Negan wants me to take you on a tour” A tour? Of the Sanctuary?

“Okay” I nodded and fiddled with the sleeves on my top. The feeling of excitement filled me knowing that I was going to get out of this room, stretch my legs. Wait, Negan asked him to show around?

Where was he?

Why wasn’t he the one to give me a tour?

I wanted to see him.

Fuck.

“Whats your name?”

Dwight

———

As I followed Dwight around I became to feel more than a little uncomfortable. Everyone watched me. Their eyes constantly moving as we moved.

My feelings must of been noticeable as Dwight spoke up after telling me about the walkers by the gate. Repeating what Negan had already told me. Practically word for word.

“They don’t understand, thats why they’re starring” he pointed me to walk back inside.

“Why I voluntarily came here?” I guessed. There was no way that he had forced everyone here though? Surely.

“No, that most people can understand, that you didn’t want to be on the loosing side, Negan never looses” That wasn’t why I came, but I held my tongue. That could stay unspoken for now however I’m sure it would come out at some point. Not today though “They don’t understand that you don’t have to work for points, that you have unlimited ones” unlimited?

“Points?” I didn’t understand? What points?

“Yeah” he sighed as if he was annoyed he was even having to explain  “everyone here has a job and in turn they earn points, those points you use to buy things, like food and clothes”

“And I don’t have to work?” Why?

“Negan gave you unlimited points, you can have whatever you want anytime” When did that happen?

“Ok?” Feeling completely out of my comfort zone I didn’t know what to say. Why would he do that? I’d happily work. Be useful.

“The thing is the only other person who gets unlimited points is Negan himself. Even his wives get so many per week, not that they could ever use the amount he gives them,but still” Oh. Maybe he thought I’d become one and was trying to bribe me?

“I’m not” I quickly said “Im not interested in that, he knows I’m not going to be a wife

“You sure about that?” No.

“How many does he have exactly?” I’d never been brave enough to ask the man himself and now seemed like a good a time as any. Ask someone he obviously trusted.

“Why you thinking of joining? Want to get them all a little present with those unlimited points?” He laughed as he opened a set of double doors leading to what looked like a cafeteria. It reminded me of a school.

“I already told you” He was pissing me off now.

“Yeah, yeah” he chuckled, cutting me off as he lead me over to a table. “Sit

“I’m not a fucking dog” I said crossing my arms. Eyes were still on me from all of the people around us. Gulping I just sat down as he had asked.

“Sit down and stay, I’m going to get you some breakfast” I just told you I’m not a damn dog. Jesus.

“Oh” with that he turned on his heel and walked towards a woman who was handing out bowls to several people in a line. Food sounded good.

The food wasnt the best but it was warm and filling. Before the apocalypse I had hated porridge. It reminded me of the hospital food.. I stopped that thought right there. Not today.

Five” Dwight suddenly spoke after sitting in silence for several minutes. He had been looking everywhere but at me as I’d been eating.

“Five?”  Oh. Five wives. Negan had five wives.

I didn’t know if I should be relieved it wasn’t more or shocked it was that many.

Fuck sake.

“Ok” I nodded my head before moving the last mouthful of food in the bowl onto my spoon.

“He uses it as a dominance thing” well no shit “Its not right, the way he treats people”

I didn’t agree with it but there was no way in hell I was going to voice it. Dwight being a savior I would of thought he wouldn’t either. There was something about this man that I didn’t trust. Surely Negan could see it?

If I had the choice I would be keeping as much of a distance from this man as I could. He wasn’t good.

No shit. You’re living with a bunch of people who stand and watch people get murdered within saying a single word. Dumbass.

Swallowing I asked “Where’s Negan?” Ignoring his comment completely. I would not give him the satisfaction. Arsehole.

“Out” Oh “He had some garbage to deal with” Laughing at some kind of joke I obviously didn’t know.

Disappointment flooded me. I wanted to see him. The feel of his hand, the few times I had felt it, god, I just wanted to feel his skin on mine again.

“Is there anything you need?” Startled I looked up with the last spoonful of porridge suspended by my open mouth “Before you go back to your room, I have to take care of the prisoners” Prisoners? Did he mean Rosita and Eugene?

“Ummmmmm no?” I couldn’t think of anything. I would of liked to of wondered around on my own but I gathered that wasn’t something that I was going to get to do.

“Okay well lets go

As he took me back to my room we went a different route than earlier. I think this place was even bigger than I originally even thought. If I was alone I had no doubt that I would get lost. Negan would have to send a search party to find me. If he cared. I mean its not like he’s been anywhere near you since you arrived.

A large dark skinned man was shouting for Dwight as we approached the door to the stairs.

“Fuck” he pointed at me “stay here and don’t move”  Where was I even going to go. Had he forgotten that I wanted to be here?

God I wish he would stop speaking to me like I was a fucking dog. I’d already told him.

He turned away and walked towards the man, my eyes didn’t dare leave his back as he moved. What was happening?

I couldn’t hear what they were saying but I knew it wasn’t good whatever it was. Something had happened.. was going to happen… was happening.

Dwight visibly groaned before fumbling for a key and opening a door that had been hidden behind the other guy. What was he doing?

Was he leaving me here? I knew I wouldn’t be able to find my way back to my room from here. Maybe I could go backwards to the cafeteria and get someone to help me?

Would they though? I mean the looks I had been getting all day were not ones that were all that friendly.

I could hear Dwights voice speaking, angrily, but couldn’t decipher any of the words.

He disappeared for a second into darkness through the open door before dragging someone out.

It felt like the world froze as someone was pushed out of the doorway. I could both hear and feel my heart beating in my ears.

Daryl?” His eyes shot to mine in a flash and for the first time since making the decision to be here. To saying yes. I felt ashamed.

————

Tossing and turning.

I could not sleep at all.

Over and over again. 

My mind wouldn’t stop. 

Even for five minutes.

All that was running through my mind was Daryl. He looked so broken, covered in dirt. Standing there naked from head to toe.

What have they been doing to him? Oh god.

Daryl was one of the sweetest guys I had ever met.

He never hurt anyone unless he had too.

Its one of the things that drew me to him in the first place when Shane took us out of the town. Me, Carol and Lori. 

Most people couldn’t see past the redneck label.

He had a good heart.  

I wish that I’d of got him freed instead…. Instead of saving someones life back home, at Alexandria? 

I don’t know 

I mean It wasn’t my home anymore. 

This was.

And for the first time I felt like I’d well and truly fucked up.

I should of saved Daryl.

Knowing Rick it wouldn’t be long before someone was killed again for something. Why couldn’t he just play by the rules?

The door to my room clicking open made me jump. I was too frightened to move. Who was it?

I screwed my eyes shut. Maybe if they thought I was asleep they would leave. Wishful thinking.

Again the door clicked signalling it closing and it frightened me. It was just us in the room.

Whoever it was and me.

I didn’t even have my knife, they had taken it when I arrived.

What was I going to do?

If this person attacked me……..

Loud footsteps echoed as the person neared.

Coming closer and closer.

One step at a time.

They stopped suddenly and I knew they were standing right over me.

A warm finger touched my shoulder causing me to involuntary flinch I expected the feeling of something else, like a cold hard blade.

“You’re awake”

Negan?

—————

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@littlephoeonix-fire @pebbleheadd @jml509

11.04.’17

a thoughtless moment’s blessing

yuri!!! on ice, yuuri pov, victuri royalty au

in a kingdom where touching the crown prince calls for the death sentence, yuuri, a simple tailor’s apprentice, saves prince victor’s life and fully expects to be executed for it.

(ao3)

~

oh no.

that’s the only thought that passes through his head. he opens his eyes, just a bit, just enough to see the shock of silver hair in front of them, and then he squeezes them closed again.

oh no, oh no, oh no.

a shocked kind of silence has settled around him, and yuuri can hear his own heart pounding.

‘umm…’ he hears, voice hesitant, from the person in his arms, and he lets go immediately, as if burned. the person lifts their weight off of him and yuuri scrambles to put a bit of distance between them. he kneels, bows, forehead pressed to the ground, every nerve ending screaming at him. 

'please forgive me, your highness!’ he begs, voice trembling as much as his body. 

he’s gone and done it. his body had acted on its own. he’d seen the way the horse had startled at something and surged forward, carriage and all, straight for where the prince was standing admiring a flower arrangement, and he just moved.

but in saving the crown prince’s life, he’s also signed his own death sentence.

Keep reading

Jumin Han x Artist! Reader (part 3)

“Close your eyes.” The make up artist lightly dusts over your face with a soft brush. When finished, they don’t offer a mirror, but you’re sure there isn’t much to see anyway. Today’s shoot calls for an approachable, natural-faced pet owner. Hopefully all will go well.

The artist leaves you to your own devices after touch up. You really shouldn’t be nervous, but the fluttering of your stomach won’t settle. Your eyes sweep the room in search of something familiar, but the studio seems to constantly shift with the movement of the staff. People walk hurriedly from place to place, pushing racks of clothing, dragging boxes of props, and most of all, talking. The room is buzzing with the vibrations of voices overlapping and competing to be heard.

Suddenly, a woman bursts through the double doors clapping her hands for attention. “Everyone please welcome Mr. Han and photographer Zia!” The whole room freezes to give a single, unanimous “Good afternoon, directors!” before resuming as usual.

“___? Are you doing alright?” Your attention is shifted to Jaehee who carries Elizabeth 3rd in her arms. “We’ll be beginning the shoot in less than 5 minutes.” Handing the cat off to you, she makes an attempt to wipe away the fur that clings to her suit. “Make sure you don’t clam up, okay? I know it gets intense being the focus of everything.” You thank her for the worry. “I’m going to do my best.”

Jaehee seems relieved by this. “That’s great. Thank you for filling in on such short notice. By the way, have you signed for payment yet?” You shake your head. “Mr. Han told me you’d take care of everything.” Sighing, Jaehee checks the time on her phone. “Wait here until I get back. If the shoot begins before I return, I’ll have everything ready to sign when you’re finished.”

Thanking Jaehee, you watch as she briskly exits the room. “What a busy bee, right Elizabeth?” The cat meows in return, butting your shoulder with her head. While you’re preoccupied with Elizabeth, a sudden flash brings the two of you to attention.

“Oh good! The lighting’s perfect.” Zia, the photographer, smiles and apologizes. “Don’t worry. You look gorgeous. Keep it casual for me, yeah?” You smile warmly and the camera flashes away until he seems satisfied. “Give me a second.” You relax and watch as he shows the camera to Jumin, who nods approvingly. “Bring in the food!”

A staff member brings in the cat food and pours it into a silver dish. After they’ve gone, you lower Elizabeth and follow Zia’s instructions for posing. Nothing is too over the top, but you’re required to change clothing a lot more than you expected. Elizabeth is very patient as you handle her. The only thing that gets annoying is the need for an assistant to brush you off with a lint roller between shots.

When finally break is called, you allow someone to take Elizabeth away while you take a seat. Jaehee approaches you with a clipboard. “___ you’ve been doing well, but I read the documents and…are you sure you want to do this for free?” She hands you a pen with a concerned look, but you sign with a smile. “Don’t worry, Jaehee. Mr. Han and I agreed that as long as I do a good job, he’ll send in a shipment of food for the shelter.”

Pushing her glasses higher on her nose, Jaehee’s shocked. “All this for those animals? I admire your dedication.” You hand her pen back and shrug. “It’s been fun, so I don’t mind.” Jaehee huffs. “I wish I could say the same, but all this work is really beginning to pile up! I should go now so it doesn’t become unbearable. I’ll see you soon, ___.” You wish Jaehee luck, to which she offers a tired smile. Poor Jaehee. I hope she can take a break soon.

The thought is taken from your mind when Jumin approaches. You immediately stand from your chair. “Hello, Mr. Han. Will we be doing the second half now?” He smiles. “Rearing to go, are we? I don’t think a second session will be required this time around. Well done.” Nice.

Thanking Jumin for the praise, you listen as he continues. “I wanted to let you know that I plan to be home later than usual, but I’ve asked Driver Kim to pick you up at our scheduled time.” This is news to you. “I think it would be better for me to arrive after you get back.” You had, after all, only visited Jumin once.

Frowning slightly, Jumin blinks. “Is that what you’d like? I thought you’d enjoy having the extra time to get started.” You’re pleased by Jumin’s concern, but it’s not enough to completely win you over. “Thank you Mr. Han, but I’d hate to intrude.” Jumin seems to pick up on what you’re trying to say and bows his head thoughtfully. “Ah, I see. We’re still getting to know one another, aren’t we?”

With this, Jumin places his his hands in his pockets. “I suppose I should be more careful with you. After all, Assistant Kang went through a lot of trouble to secure your spot on the last RFA guest list.” Catching your eye, he smiles softly. “It’d be a shame to let her efforts go to waste.”

Oh?

Clearing his throat, Jumin offers an apology. “If I seem forward, it’s only because that approach works with most of my clients. I forget sometimes that you and I aren’t really in that kind of situation. However, ” His eyes narrow in confusion. “I don’t quite understand why being alone bothers you so much. Aren’t you more nervous being alone together?”

The flirtatious undertone of his words causes your eyes to shyly hide from his. “Well, when you say it like that…I guess I could use the extra time.”

“In that case, I look forward to seeing you this evening. Take care until then and thank you for your work today.” He strolls away smoothly, probably to confuse some other poor soul.

What is it with him?

——–

You’re back inside Jumin’s sofa room at the end of the hall.

The feeling of dragging your paint-slathered brush across the canvas soothes you. You’re lost in the art, barely aware of the drops that fall to the newspaper-covered floor. The smell of paint overpowers the scent of the flowers you’re using as reference. Is there a window I can open nearby?

Elizabeth 3rd is perched on the edge of a table you’ve set up near your easel, purring with delight when you scratch her ears. In the past hour, you’ve made some good progress. The sketch Jumin liked has now been properly transferred to canvas and painted with the base colors you’ll use to build up on. Right now, you’re working on putting more detail into the flowers surrounding the outline of Elizabeth’s half-finished fur.

Taking a pause, you swish your brush clean in a cup of water before laying it down. Your stiff body feels much better once you stretch, but you decide to get up for a drink. Elizabeth follows after you, leaving a puff of fur in her wake.

The kitchen is easy to find and completely spotless. The appliances that gleam under the hanging lights stand at attention, ready for use. Who keeps this place so clean? Probably not Jumin, but if it’s a maid wouldn’t you have seen one by now? It’s been so quiet..I’m actually a little lonely.

You search for a cup to use, but there’s really only a choice between wineglasses with and without stems. Man, why’s he gotta be so fancy? I just want a regular drink. You decide not to bother with the glasses and check the fridge for bottled water. To your delight, there’s a whole row of them lined up for the taking.

Leaning up against the countertop, you sip your drink and notice some cat magnets stuck to the side of the fridge. You’re charmed by the small detail.  Why does Mr. Han have these? They’re so cute!

You take the one that looks like Elizabeth 3rd and show it to her. “Is this you?” Elizabeth stands on her hind legs to sniff your hand, but loses interest quickly. Laughing, you place the cat magnet back where you found it.

As if trying to get you in trouble, the elevator dings. Quickly replacing the cat magnet, you smile when your eyes meet Jumin’s “Welcome back, Mr. Han. How was your day?”

Jumin sighs while removing his coat. “If I’m honest, not very good. How have things been here? Is Elizabeth around?” Setting your water down, you gather up Elizabeth and walk over to where Jumin is. “We got a lot of work done. Would you like to come see?” Draping the coat over the back of a chair, he takes Elizabeth from your arms. “I’d like that.”

You lead the way back and settle into your seat. “I’m planning to surround Elizabeth with more flowers, but for now I’m working on adding details.” You feel Jumin come to stand behind you. “It’ll look better within the next hour or so…”

Jumin’s hand comes over your shoulder to tap a section of the painting. “Could the flowers here be blue? I want them to match her eyes.” You’re keenly aware of how much richer Jumin’s voice is with only a short distance keeping you apart. Kind of sweet, actually…

“I’ll make sure to do that. Is there anything else you’d like me to add?” Jumin moves away and seats himself on the sofa. Sinking into its plushness, he leans back and closes his eyes. “Not at the moment.” The silence that fills the room is your cue to get back to work.

It doesn’t take long for you to lose yourself again. In fact, you’re startled to hear Jumin break the long silence. “Where did you study?” A faint smile comes with the memories of your student days. “I studied at a small community college in my home town for about two years. It’s not much, but I think a lot of my skill comes from trial and error.” Jumin hums. “So how did you end up in a city this big?” 

You exhale through your nose in a half laugh. “Well…I was in a relationship back then with a guy who had a job out here. Things didn’t work out, but I was able to find myself work and a decent place to stay.” You think back to your very first apartment, a cheap and dingy place you’d seen an ad for in the newspaper. “Do you ever plan on moving away from here?” Jumin asks.

At this point, you’ve abandoned your brush and instead stare out the window. “Not right now, but I might settle somewhere quieter when I’m older.” The city gleams clearly and invitingly. “I’d like to travel a bit before that happens though.”

The room is filled with a sincere tenderness. The simplicity of it makes you feel closer to everything. Jumin must feel it too, because his eyes are different when you look at him. They’re gentle. His lashes are low, probably from working all day, and it makes you realize that you’re tired as well.

“What time is it?” You ask pulling out your phone. It’s nearly 11. Have I really been here this long? When did I lose track of time? “I’ll ask Driver Kim to take you home.” Jumin says reading your thoughts. 

“Does Driver Kim usually work this late?” you ask. “I’d hate to inconvenience him.” Jumin shakes his head. “He isn’t required to work past the time I come home, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I paid extra.” 

I don’t have anything planned tomorrow other than coming back here. Does it really make sense to call for a driver?

“Are there any hotels within walking distance? I’d hate to wake up Driver Kim just to take me home.” Jumin gives you a funny look. “Why take away an opportunity to earn Driver Kim extra cash?” You shrug. “I know I hate it when people disturb my sleep, so I don’t want to do that to him.”

Jumin doesn’t insist on calling Driver Kim like you thought he would. “It wouldn’t be right of me to send a lady out on her own this late. Why don’t you use the guest bedroom tonight?” He stands and rubs along his jaw tiredly. “I’ll even show you.” With Elizabeth trailing after, Jumin leads you into another part of the penthouse.

The room is neatly kept and is nothing short of elegant. “The bed’s a king and, if you’d like, I can have someone pick up something for you to wear tomorrow.” You nod and try not to yawn noticeably. “I’m sorry to have kept you up so late, so please don’t hesitate to take advantage of anything.” You lean against the doorframe and cross your arms.

The slight, sleepy smile you wear makes Jumin raise his eyebrows. “Is there something else you need?” You shake your head and look down at the floor. “I was just wondering if maybe you’d let Elizabeth sleep with me tonight?” Upon hearing her name, Elizabeth 3rd meows and brushes herself against the legs of you and Jumin. “If not, that’s alright.”

Your request has Jumin more alert. “I’m not sure about that…perhaps we should let her choose?” You laugh and step into the bedroom. “Alright. I’ll call her and, if she comes, I get her for the night.” You lower yourself to your knees and cheerfully chirp Elizabeth’s name. She begins to walk toward you and sniffs as she does so.

Realizing you actually have a chance with his cat, Jumin calls her back. “Elizabeth, please come to me.” 

Eventually Jumin is crouched, you’re sitting on the floor, and Elizabeth is refusing to choose a side. You laugh at the silliness of it all and even catch Jumin smiling to himself.

In the end, Elizabeth chooses Jumin. He’s delighted when she comes into his outstretched arms and scoops her up smugly. “Well then…have a good rest, Miss ___. Elizabeth and I will see you in the morning.” You rise and so does he. “Yes. Have a good sleep, Mr. Han. Thank you again for everything.” You’re still smiling when you finally close the door and hop into bed.

You dream of cats with eyes of deep grey. 

Where have I seen them before?

———-

Part 4

anonymous asked:

Part 9 of Matthew becoming a dad please! Love you 😘

Alright!  Part 9.  blueeyedvirginiagirl​, this one is especially for you.  May it warm your heart and strengthen your soul, and, if nothing else, to serve as a distraction.  leonkassi and ca19990000, I hope it is to your liking.  Here it is, comin’ ‘atcha!

(Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 10  Part 11  Part 12  Part 13  Part 14  Part 15  Part 16  Part 17  Epilogue)

Feeling your puffy eyes start to drift off, you bury your face in his pillow.  You were too exhausted to be angry, and too hormonal to let it go.  You didn’t know whether to call or leave him be, run to him or let him go, and the fact that you didn’t know served two purposes: 1) it served as an imaginary foundation for your frustration and, 2) it showed you a glimpse into how Matthew has been feeling.

And at that realization, your stomach sank.

Then, you heard the key in the lock.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pacing around Shemar’s house, Matthew wracked his brain.  He knew that you regularly needed your space, and that never became an issue once he started working…but this was different.

This was a fight.  And this was a first.

“Matt!” Shemar yelled.

“Huh?” he looked at him, dazed.

“Dude, I’ve been talking for 10 minutes.  You been listening?”

“Uh…no.  I’m sorry.  God, I don’t want to make her any angrier, but I don’t want her to feel alone.”

“Matt, I’m pretty sure the only one that was angry was you.”

And when he thought back to the fight, he realized that Shemar was right.  He was the one that had yelled.  He was the one that had stormed out, and now he was the one at fault for whatever feelings his decision to storm out arose within Y/N.  And in his mind, he realized something.  He realized that, no matter what had ever happened to her in her life; every tear, every accomplishment, every setback; that she had always been alone.

Well, not anymore.

Grabbing his keys from the table, he gathers his coat and runs out the door, leaving Shemar grinning on the couch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Too tired to jump to your feet, you slowly prop yourself up on the bed.  Glow or no glow, tonight you were exhausted.

As Matthew opens the door, he drops his keys on the floor and kicks his shoes to the corner.  “Y/N?” he yells.

Sighing, and pulling his shirt closed over your bare chest, your face flushes with embarrassment as you call out, “in here, Matthew.”

As Matthew rounds the corner, he stops to take in your appearance.  Puffy eyes, red cheeks and a stuffy nose.  He takes a step towards you, then hesitates, wondering if he is making the right decision.

“It’s ok.  I don’t bite.”

He comes and gingerly sits down beside you.  “I-…is that my shirt?”

Feeling your face flush deeper, you slowly nod your head.  “I’m sorry if my pooch is stretching it out.  I can’t really hide my stomach any longer.”

Matthew was shocked at your stomach.  He didn’t realize that you had started to show as much as you were.  He could feel the growing tightness, whenever he hugged or touched you, but you always concealed it well under your clothes.

Raising his hand, he runs his fingers over your pooch.  Tears springing to his eyes, he bends down and lightly kisses the top of your distended stomach.

You put your hand on the back of his head, wishing to God this night could restart.  You pick up his face to meet your gaze.

“I am so sorry.”

As he takes you in his arms, slipping them under the shirt you are wearing, he holds you close, with your bare breasts pressed against his body.

“I am so sorry I yelled at you.  You didn’t deserve that.  It wasn’t the dinner I swear…”

Stroking his hair, you shush him.  “I know it wasn’t the dinner,” you coo.  “And I need to tell you something.”

Bracing for impact, he lowers his gaze again, startled at the fact that he is met with your nipples instead of a bra.

Chuckling as his response, you take your finger and raise his gaze back up.  “These past few months have been a whirlwind.  And you have been so gracious and so generous and so…welcoming.  You are beautiful.  And talented.  And kind.  And funny.  And quirky.  You have kept your distance, and you haven’t pressured me to progress in any way into any relationship that I might have been uncomfortable with.  You have been the perfect gentleman, when inside you were screaming.  Crying.  And alone.”

As tears spring to your eyes, you continue, “and I have felt that way for years.  Screaming and crying and alone and dead inside.  Until you happened.  Until that party happened.  Until that porch night happened.  Until this…” you hold out your arms and look around the room, “…happened.”

You lower your lips to meet his, and as you pull back, you smile and lean your forehead into his.

“And I love you, too, Matthew.”

As he snaps his eyes to meet yours, a smile crosses his cheeks.  He throws his body into yours, hugging you tight as you both topple onto the bed.  Giggling and throwing around the comforter, you both snuggle down into the sheets.

It was then that you realize your top is still hanging open, so you quickly start to button it up. But as you do, he grabs your hand.

Furrowing your brow and looking over to him, Matthew’s gaze has shifted.  He has gone from childlike and somber to…what was that?…

The only word you can find to describe it is: hungry.

His gaze is hungry.

As he runs his thumb over your cheek, he slowly scoots against your body.  Leaning in to give you a kiss, he bypasses your lips and plants a soft, warm, wet kiss in the crook of your neck.

“You are beautiful,” he murmurs.  Slowly covering your neck in kisses, he finds an area just under your ear that makes you jump, and slowly drags his teeth across it.  Letting out a jagged breath, Matthew slips his hand in between the shirt and your skin and slowly runs his fingers up and down your pregnant belly, slowly finding your breast.

“You are addicting,” you whisper breathlessly.

As he parts your legs, nestling in between them on his knees, he moves your hair from your face and looks straight into your eyes.

“Would you like the dresser drawer, or the closet?

Contrasts Part 3

Characters:  Dean, Reader, Sam

Summary:  After Sam died, you fell in love with his brother.  Where has he been?  Do you still love him?  Which brother do you want to be with? Do you tell Sam the truth?

Word Count:  3216

Warnings:  As promised:  Angst, guilt, smut, unprotected sex (practice safe sex at home, please!!!)

Read part 1 and part 2 here.

Tags:  @mrswhozeewhatsis @growleytria @pennygirl47 @castiels-colette @winchesterenthusiast @aprofoundbondwithdean @manawhaat @tiffanylynnca @sammit-janet @daydreamingintheimpala @charlotte-corday @brooklyn-writes-flangst @number-one-supernatural-trash @asumaiki @spnfanficpond @for-the-love-of-dean @blushingsamgirl @jensennjared @lady-of-the-bunker @sis-tafics

Thank you so much to all those that reached out and asked for tags on this series.  I love you all and appreciate the support more than I can say.  If you want to be tagged/not tagged, please let me know!

Feedback is always appreciated!  Thanks!

Originally posted by paulinkaaaslife

Contrasts Part 3

“Stories hold conflict and contrast, highs and lows, life and death, and the human struggle and all kinds of things.” - David Lynch


Sam had held your hand, your heart, for three years.  Sam had loved you.  All of you. Your flaws, your weaknesses.  He had shared in your triumphs.  You loved Sam.  He was sweet and kind and compassionate.  Intelligent, charming.

And then he died.

Your world had collapsed in on you.  You lost the will to live.  You had holed up in his room at the bunker for days, lost in your sorrow and grief.

Dean had helped you piece yourself back together.  Dean had been your rock.  Your beacon of light in a turbulent sea.  The two of you healed one another, the love that grew between you a soothing balm to your broken souls.

Dean had fought at your side for the past year and a half.  The two of you struggled to overcome the guilt that assailed you over the bond that developed between you.  Over time, you allowed yourself to fall for Dean.  He was tender and patient.  He was strong and smart as a whip.  He was such a contrast to his brother, and you loved him in for it.  You loved him for all the things that made him Dean.

And now Sam was back. Raised from the dead, like Lazarus. And you had no idea what to do about it.

Keep reading

Imagine #8 : I miss you (Ashton Irwin)

Requested : Yes

Hii!! I love your writting It’s awsome, Can u please do an Ashton Imagine in the one he is the sensitive one in the couple?? Sorry for my horrible english xX

Rating : No smut

Word count : 424

AN : Alright so I am not sure at all this was what the request was about… If it wasn’t please tell me, I’ll do something else ! :)

I took a breath, opened the door and walked out of the building, bracing myself for what was just about to happen. The fans immediately started screaming my name as well as other things I couldn’t quite understand; I stopped as soon as I saw one of them holding her phone up and leaned in to take a picture with her. There were about 100 girls outside and I really wanted to talk and take pictures with all of them; try to give them as much as I could; knowing that they already gave me more.

I chatted with some of them, random subjects coming up: other bands, our album, the other lads, my girlfriend… That last one saddened me a bit but I tried not to show it as they asked me how she was doing, how we handled the distance, this kind of stuffs. Truth was we were doing pretty well, but I never expected it to be that hard, being away from her.

I was getting to the end of the crowd when a fan held her phone up in front of me.

“Hey Ashton; we’ve seen (Y/N) retweeting a lot of random videos of you meeting fans; maybe you could give her a quick message and then we can send it to her; she’ll probably see it.” She asked. She was blushing and looked absolutely adorable as she genuinely smiled at me.

“Oh yeah, sure” I answered, a bit startled as she pointed the camera towards me and gave me a thumb up, indicating that I could go. “Alright so huh, hi babe… I mean (Y/N); so hum someone just told me you were watching videos of us from time to time so huh… Yeah I just wanted you to know that I miss you and I can’t wait for you to join us for a few days and huh…” I mumbled as my eyes starting watering. I swallowed the lump in my throat and smiled at the camera. “Anyway, I love you and huh… thank you for always being here and for staying up late at night just so we can talk for five minutes over the phone… Yeah, I miss you princess” I concluded before bringing my right hand to my lips and blowing a kiss to the camera.

Everyone around me awed and I giggled before hugging the fan who filmed the video; “Thank you” I whispered in her hear before walking toward the car that had been waiting for me for almost two hours.

I did not write this amazing piece of literature; it was actually sent to my by a wonderful anon (who gave me permission to post it seeing as they wrote it directly in my inbox). I am not taking any credit for this. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did, and once again anon, thank you. Also, anon, if you want me to remove it so you can put it up yourself, just let me know. c: 

Pairing: Chris/Josh

Chris wasn’t exactly the religious sort, but he still made a quick little prayer to whoever or whatever might be listening before opening his eyes; a hope and a wish for Josh to still be there. Either he was lucky, or they had been listening. It had taken months to persuade Josh to sleep over, just once. Months to help Josh trust that he had recovered as much as anyone could recover from what he had been through. Chris looked at the fading scars from Josh’s surgery, neat lines from careful and expensive grafts, but worth every penny. 

Chris had seen Josh in the hospital before them, before Josh’s teeth were fixed or the too-wide gash in his cheek closed up. He still had nightmares about it. Not about Josh coming for him, but about Josh being in pain, Josh changing further into one of those - those things. Sam and Ashley still visited sometimes, to make sure Josh was okay, but they were still hurting from what he had put them all through and Chris understood that, he really did. 

Josh had thrown them all under the bus for what happened to his sisters, and even if Chris wanted the others to forgive him, he could understand them not wanting to. He just hadn’t been able to stop thinking about all the what ifs; what if they’d known how dangerous the mountain was, what if people had talked to Josh - really talked to him - about his sisters, what if Josh hadn’t been left feeling so alone, what if someone had made sure he took his medication.

Chris had sobbed with relief when he got the phone call telling him Josh had been found, and spent so much time in the hospital checking up on him that pretty much all the nurses knew him by name. He would be there anytime Josh could stand to be seen and a few times when he couldn’t. When Josh was finally let out of the hospital, after weeks of surgery and months of therapy, Chris had kept up those visits to Josh’s place and he felt overjoyed when Josh started visiting him in turn.

The first time they kissed hadn’t even felt like a first. It felt more as if it was something they’d always done, but had just forgotten to get around to doing it in awhile. The first one was short, sweet, and simple. It occurred while Chris was drying the last of the dishes; he simply turned to Josh and kissed him. The second kiss felt more like the first one should have. With Chris nervous as he gripped on to Josh’s waist, the feeling of a soft white cotton t-shirt under his fingers. He leaned in for another kiss after realizing what the first one meant. 

It was strange how little their relationship changed; hugs just lasted longer, laughter would be interrupted by kisses just as often as punches to the chest or arm, and it had almost felt - normal. Like a slice of something average in their day to day lives after surviving so much fucked up bullshit. But Josh still had problems to deal with that no amount of friendship or any other kind of relationship could fix. Chris learned that when he first asked Josh to stay over and Josh panicked.

Josh still remembered the taste of raw, human flesh, and that was the kind of mind fuck that couldn’t be fixed by therapy. He still remembered wanting to kill, wanting to hunt. That was what made waking up and looking at him this once, this first and hopefully not last time, so amazing. Chris kept some distance, shaking Josh awake by the shoulder instead of waking him with a kiss, not wanting to startle him. He grinned when Josh woke up with nothing more dramatic than a yawn.

“Knew you wouldn’t tear strips off me,” Chris teased, kind of angry at himself the second he opened his mouth but continuing on with, “You don’t even give me scratches or hickeys, dude. Told you I’d be safe.” And it was literally the worst thing he could have said but Josh laughed, despite tearing up, and scooted close enough to kiss him. Even if he was a mess, he was beautiful. He was perfect. And Chris never wanted to let him go.