the dinosaur is drunk

Drunk horny Tsukki...
  • Tsukkishima: *calls Yamaguchi* Raar
  • Yamaguchi: Tsukki? *yawns* What happen? Is three in the morning
  • T: I'm a hungrrrarrrry dinosaur and I'll eat you up
  • Y: ... Are you drunk?
  • T: maybe... but I'm still gonna eat your little c...
  • Y: STOP! I'm hanging up.
  • T: NO RAR I'll go to your place
  • Y: Don't you dare
  • T: But you are always calling my name it'll be the same just with me inside you
  • Y: Tsukki stop! Too much for my heart
  • T: Tsk, okay... but you have to promise to come to my place in the morning with a nurse suit
  • Y: I'll go, but no nurse suit. Good night, Tsukki
  • T: Wait!
  • Y: What?
  • T: I love you
  • Y: Shut up Tsukki! *violently hangs up*

partial fantasy: the flesh and the soil that we love so much


1.Weiss-Speak 2.Sleepwalking-Mariachi El Bronx 3.Time and Place-The Last Dinosaurs 4.Bright Whites-Kishi Bashi 5.Hot Dad Calendar-Cayetana 6.Drunk Kids-Tallhart 7.Smokestacks-Joywave 8.Blood Red Blood-Voxtrot

Notes under the cut!

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Mean Girls Starters
  • ❝If you're from Africa, why are you white?❞
  • ❝Oh my God, [name], you can't just ask people why they're white.❞
  • ❝Boo, you whore!❞
  • ❝Nice wig, [name]. What's it made of?❞
  • ❝Your Mom's chest hair!❞
  • ❝On Wednesdays we wear pink!❞
  • ❝Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining [name]'s life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.❞
  • ❝Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore. You're plastic. Cold, shiny, hard plastic.❞
  • ❝You know what! It's not my fault you're like, in love with me, or something!❞
  • ❝See? That's the thing with you plastics. You think everybody is in love with you when actually, everybody HATES you! Like, [name], for example, he broke up with Regina and guess what? He still doesn't want you! So why are you still messing with [name], [name]? I'll tell you why, because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch! Here. You can have this. It won a prize.❞
  • ❝And I want my pink shirt back! I want my pink shirt back!❞
  • ❝That is so fetch!❞
  • ❝Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!❞
  • ❝God! I am so sorry [name]. Really, I don't know why I did this. I guess it's probably because I've got a big lesbian crush on you! Suck on that! AY-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!❞
  • ❝[Name], I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles. And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now.❞
  • ❝And none for [name], bye!❞
  • ❝Get in loser, we're going shopping.❞
  • ❝Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.❞
  • ❝I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy...❞
  • ❝She doesn't even go here!❞
  • ❝Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by Regina George?❞
  • ❝I hear her hair's insured for $10,000.❞
  • ❝I hear she does car commercials... in Japan.❞
  • ❝Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.❞
  • ❝One time she met John Stamos on a plane... And he told her she was pretty.❞
  • ❝One time she punched me in the face... it was awesome.❞
  • ❝Why are you eating a Kalteen bar?❞
  • ❝Man, I hate those things. Coach Carr makes us eat those when we want to move up a weight class.❞
  • ❝Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just STAB CAESAR!❞
  • ❝[Name] had cracked.❞
  • ❝Hell, no. I did *not* leave the South Side for this!❞
  • ❝Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin, 'cause I use super-jumbo tampons, but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina!❞
  • ❝There's a 30% chance that it's already raining!❞
  • ❝I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm so popular.❞
  • ❝I gave him everything! I was half a virgin when I met him.❞
  • ❝Do you wanna do something fun? Wanna go to taco bell?❞
  • ❝I can't go to taco bell, I'm on an all-carb diet. GOD [name] you're so stupid!❞
  • ❝It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain.❞
  • ❝That is the ugliest f-ing skirt I've ever seen.❞
  • ❝She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Streudels.❞
  • ❝That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets.❞
  • ❝She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers.❞
  • ❝And they have this book, this burn book, where they write mean things about all the girls in our grade.❞
  • ❝Oh my God - Danny DeVito! I love your work!❞
  • ❝At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you will get chlamydia... and die.❞
  • ❝Is butter a carb?❞
  • ❝You can't sit with us!❞
  • ❝Fine! You can walk home, bitches.❞
  • ❝And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals.❞
  • ❝My grandma takes her wig off when she's drunk.❞
  • ❝I love her. She's like a Martian!❞
  • ❝Are they not suppose to be let out when they're grounded?❞
  • ❝She thinks she's gonna have a party and not invite me? Who does she think she is?❞
  • ❝I like invented her, you know what I mean?❞
  • ❝I just want you to know, if you ever need anything, don't be shy, OK? There are NO rules in the house. I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom.❞
  • ❝Can I get you guys anything? Some snacks? A condom? Let me know! Oh, God love ya.❞
  • ❝Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.❞
  • ❝Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears.❞
  • ❝Regina George is not sweet! She's a scum-sucking road whore, she ruined my life!❞
  • ❝I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.❞
  • ❝Your face smells like peppermint!❞
  • ❝Oh, you'll get socialized all right, a little slice like you.❞
  • ❝You're a regulation hottie.❞
  • ❝We do not have a clique problem at this school.❞
  • ❝But you do have to watch out for "frenemies".❞
  • ❝I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... so, just promise me you won't make fun of her!❞
  • ❝Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good.❞
  • ❝I don't hate you cuz yo' fat... yo' fat cuz I hate you!❞
  • ❝You smell like a baby prostitute.❞
  • ❝Is your muffin buttered?❞
  • ❝Jason, you do not come to a party at my house with Gretchen and then scam on some poor innocent girl right in front of us three days later. She's not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?❞
  • ❝Good. So it's settled. So you can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason.❞
  • ❝Finally, Girl World was at peace.❞
  • ❝Hey, check it out. Junior Plastics.❞
  • ❝Damn, Africa, what happened?❞
  • ❝I saw [name] wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops.❞
  • ❝Oh, hi. Did you wanna buy some drugs?❞
  • ❝Make sure you check out her mom's boob job. They're hard as rocks.❞
  • ❝Whatever, I'm getting cheese fries.❞
  • ❝Okay, I'm going to forgive you because I'm a very Zen person... and I'm on a lot of pain medication right now.❞
  • ❝Can you believe my f-ing mom is here?❞
  • ❝I have this theory, that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man.❞
  • ❝I care. Every year the seniors through this dance for the underclassmen called the Spring Fling. And whosoever is elected King and Queen automatically become head of the Student Activities Committee and since I am an active member of the Student Activities Committee, I would safely say, I care.❞
  • ❝Irregardless, ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends. I mean that's just like the rules of feminism.❞
  • ❝Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets?❞
  • ❝What are marijuana tablets?❞
  • ❝You cannot do that. That is social suicide. Damn! You are so lucky you have us to guide you.❞
  • ❝Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.❞
  • ❝Everyone in Africa knows Swedish.❞
  • ❝Made out with a hot dog? Oh my God that was one time!❞
  • ❝I know having a boyfriend might seem like the only thing important to you right now, but you don't have to dumb yourself down in order for a guy to like you.❞
  • ❝Come on! We could publish it and then everybody would see what an ax-wound she really is!❞
  • ❝And you can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week, so I guess you chose today.❞
  • ❝She's not even that good looking if you really look at her.❞
  • ❝I don't know, now that she's getting fatter she's got pretty big jugs.❞
  • ❝Watch out please! Fresh meat coming through!❞
  • ❝I'd rather see you out there shakin' that thang.❞
  • ❝You can do this. There's nothing to break your focus, because not one of those Marymount boys is cute.❞
  • ❝There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don't try to stop it.❞
  • ❝Well, I mean you wouldn't buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you.❞
  • ❝The limit does not exist!❞
  • ❝I just wanted to say that you're all winners. And that I couldn't be happier the school year is ending.❞
  • ❝It's called the South Beach Fat Flush and all you drink is cranberry juice for 72 hours.❞
  • ❝She's fabulous, but she's evil.❞
  • ❝So, are you gonna send any candy canes?❞
  • ❝No. I don't send them, I just get them. So you better send me one, byotch.❞
  • ❝'Cause she's a life ruiner. She ruins people's lives.❞
  • ❝Oh no, I can't say anything else until I have a parent or lawyer present.❞
  • ❝Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple!❞
  • ❝Oh, no. It was coming up again, word vomit... no, wait a minute... Actual vomit.❞
  • ❝Grool... I meant to say cool and then I started to say great.❞
  • ❝I'm a cool mom! Right Regina?❞
  • ❝Good news, they didn't get run over... Bad news, they're still flat.❞
  • ❝Hey, hey, hey. How are my best girlfriends?❞
  • ❝Oh god, busted! Just start apologizing and crying. No, play it cool.❞
  • ❝I mean no offense, but how could she send you a candy cane? She doesn't even like you that much. Maybe she feels weird around me because I'm the only person who knows about her nose job. Oh my god, pretend you didn't hear that.❞
The signs as Shameless quotes

Aries: “I love chaos. And when I get into chaos, bad shit follows.” -Sean

Taurus: “I hate myself for a number of reasons right now and I’m not going to add being a snitch to the list.” -Fiona

Gemini: “We’re that extra special Gallagher kind of fucked up.” -Lip

Cancer: “I’d be crying, too, if I wasn’t so high.” -Frank

Leo: “Could you call me ‘Dad?’” -Wade

Virgo: “The best part of making a baby is that you get to have sex while doing it.” -Kev

Libra: “I’m done living the way other people want me to live.” -Ian

Scorpio: “He’s not my boyfriend now. He’s my friend until I’m 16 and it’s legally consensual for us to have intercourse.” -Debbie

Sagittarius: “DTF…what does that even mean?” -Sheila

Capricorn: “Let’s go get drunk and buy a gun.” -Bianca

Aquarius: “We are dinosaurs, my friend. And a big, fat comet is headed for our sweet slice of Earth. And that comet is a Starbucks.” -Frank

Pisces: “I just wanna say that I love you and that I forgive you for everything…unless you live. Then I’m still pissed off.” -Debbie


Hayffie Week, Day 4 - AU 

Jurassic World AU - Raptors Out of Containment 

“Sweetheart, listen to me. These raptors,” he spat the word out, “are hunters. You don’t deny 65 million years of hunting instinct. Right now, you have to assume that you have no control. I know that’s a difficult concept for someone who likes to schedule everything to the minute detail but you’re not in control and you’ve never been in control. You cannot control dinosaurs, Effs.”

Into the Baby Dinosaur Pen – Owen Grady x Reader

Warnings: Drinking. 

A/N: Thank you all for your patience while I was on hiatus. Owen and Reader get drunk and play with baby dinosaurs. What else do you need. It’s about as fluffy as it gets up in here. Also, requests are still open! And I might open up to other fandoms soon.. I’m not sure. 

You shouldn’t. You really, really shouldn’t. And you had already been caught once. But you needed it now, and you needed it more than ever. So you threw a sweatshirt over your body, slipped on the closest pair of shoes that you could find, and flew out the door.

You didn’t know he’d follow you.

You unlocked the latch of the petting zoo section of the park with the key you had swiped from Claire’s office. There was something so glorious and relaxing about spending a solo evening with the baby dinosaurs. They purred and roared and played with you. They climbed on you while you rolled in the dirt. Baby dinosaurs–it doesn’t get much better than that.

Yet, tonight. Tonight it did.

“Hey.” You heard his voice and you lifted your face from the brachiosaurus you were snuggling.

Owen leaned casually in the doorway. He had slipped on a pair of jeans, a fitted white shirt, and his jacket. In one hand were two shot glasses and in the other a bottle of tequila.

“I thought they told you to stop coming here.”

“Since when do either of us do what we’re told.” You replied, letting the squirming dinosaur out of your hands.

“Drink?” Owen said, sliding down the wall next to you.

“How did you know?”

Owen smirked. He always knew.

A few shots later, and you and Owen were both flushed in the face. Owen was on his back with a brachiosaurus and a stegosaurus on his stomach as he pretended to wrestle with them. You sat next to him, laughing louder and fuller than you have since you got to the island.

Owen smirked as he listened to you laugh. “That’s what I wanted.” He said in response. “I know it’s been hard for you.”

“Yeah but.” You laughed again as one of the larger Stegosaurus’ knocked into you looking for attention. You placed a hand on its head. “You’ve been so kind to me.”

Owen smiled and you felt the tequila in your system urging you to do something you had wanted to do for a long time. While Owen was still lying on the ground, you cautiously crawled over to him.

Owen was uncertain at first. But slowly his hands found his way into your hair and around your waist. Before you could make the next move, Owen crashed his lips into yours. You could taste the tequila on him, mixed with a bit of salt. Owen always smelled like he was working or riding his motorcycle and you loved every second that you breathed in of him.

You almost forgot where you were, until one of the babies clicked at you, anxious for more attention. You could relate to that feeling well. You wanted every second of Owen’s attention. You craved it.

Owen’s hands were still tangled in your hair. At some point, he had flipped you over so he was on top. His hips pressed neatly into yours, your bodies molded together.

“Should we go?” He whispered, his forehead touching yours, and you could feel his warm breath on your lips.

“No, but, we should.”

“Stay with me tonight?”

You couldn’t help the smile that spread like lightning across your face.

“Of course.”

Dean-O the Dinosaur

Summary: Anonymous request:  what about a fic called Dean-O The Dinosaur where the reader is super drunk and wont stop calling dean dean-o the dinosaur and giggling

Characters: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Drinking

Content: Ridiculousness 

Word Count: 197

Originally posted by wendigod

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NEW YEARS (10/30)

Respectfully, I ask you not to repost or reblog. Thanks!

I was told last night that if the entire
existence of the Earth—all 4.52

billion years—was condensed into one
year, accordioned together like a head-on

collision, humans would enter the party
in the second half of the last minute

of the last day of the year, December 31st,
just in time to fall in love with a stranger

and coax the ball to drop from the sky
and crack like a disco egg to spill out

a fetal new day. By then, the dinosaurs
would all be asleep, black-out drunk

from their 30-minute binge on Earth.
Imagine a world war that lasts a heartbeat.

A baby who is conceived and dies as
an old man in the same moment. Now

imagine your heartache, the one festering
inside you at this very moment, nuzzling

itself like a poison doe against your throat.
Imagine your anxiety, your perennial doubt,

your midnight panic: each of these becomes
not even a word in the book, barely a grain

of sugar in the bowl. This is not a devaluing
of your pain but a dethroning. An adjustment

of the magnifier’s lens. Look at what we can
become and unbecome under a different

scope. Time as a funhouse mirror; look how
we are stretch and squash in it’s folds.

Look up. The fireworks have started.
Kiss me. They will be gone so soon.

- Sierra DeMulder