the dewey decimal system


I’ve explained to some people how my supposedly remarkable memory works. At a quick glance it would appear I remember EVERYTHING with a level of detail that’s unnatural However, my brain latches onto what it wants. I majored in history in college but can’t recall who signed the Treaty of Utrecht, the members of the Third Coalition or the order of the Imperial Dynasties in China.

Also, actual events don’t always stick.

I can tell you that my older sister introduced me to Tolkien, buying me the LOTR trilogy for my 13th birthday. There was a thunderstorm going on and we were under a tornado watch when I opened up “The Fellowship of the Ring” for the very first time.

I can tell you the first time I ever heard an AC/DC song (High Voltage) was in November of ‘77, where I heard it (in the cafeteria of our high school during a basketball game, a dj setting up for a high school dance played it over his sound system) and who I was with (Peter Moutsatsen and Keith Cunningham).

I however can’t tell you a single thing that happened during the entire month prior to my leaving for basic training for the army in March of '84. Nothing. It’s completely blank. I remember the recruiter picking me up to take me to the airport the day I left, but the previous day and night? Got nothing.

What I’m trying to say is that my mind retains a shitload of information but it’s like being in a library with no filing system and only a candle. I might pull something good out, or accidentally burn the whole thing down like the Library of Alexandria.

i love it when people tell me that my fics are their only source of batman knowledge because that means their understanding of batman is

  • big fan of frogs
  • enjoys kale and sesame balls and tzatziki and tamarind spoons
  • names cats after the musical Cats when no one is looking
  • keeps dog treats in his utility belt
  • Columbo enthusiast and impressionist
  • has strong feelings about the dewey decimal system (it’s bad)
  • makes spreadsheets to try to quantify why he feels like shit
  • spends too much on cologne and office supplies
  • accidentally sleeps with everyone
  • pettiest man alive
  • only follows @dril on twitter
  • skilled at ballet
  • banned from walmart
  • dissociating like 90% of the time
  • has fought a crime at least once, maybe twice
witchcraft in the dewey decimal system

this is a shortlist of good places to help you find books to use in your craft when you’re in the library

  • 000
    • 030 general encyclopedic works
    • 090 manuscripts and rare books
  • 100
    • 110 metaphysics
    • 130 paranormal phenomena, occult
    • 140 specific philosophical schools
    • 170 ethics (moral philosophy)
    • 180 ancient, medieval, oriental philosophy
    • 190 modern western philosophy
  • 200
    • 210 natural theology
    • 240 christian moral and devotional theology
    • christian denominations and sects
    • other and comparative religions
  • 300
    • 390 customs, etiquette, folklore
  • 400
    • 410 linguistics
    • 420 english and old english
    • 430 germanic languages, german
    • 470 italic languages, latin
    • 480 hellenic languages, classical greek
    • 490 other languages
  • 500
    • 520 astronomy and allied sciences
    • 540 chemistry and allied sciences
    • 550 earth sciences
    • 580 botanical sciences
  • 600
    • 610 medical sciences and medicine
    • 630 agriculture
  • 700
    • 740 drawing and decorative arts
    • 780 music
    • 790 recreational and performing arts
  • 800
    • 820 english and old english literatures
    • 830 literatures of germanic languages
    • 870 italic literatures, latin
    • 880 hellenic literatures, classical greek
    • 890 literatures of other languages
  • 900
    • 930 history of the ancient world
    • 940 general history of europe
    • 950 general history of asia, far east
    • 960 general history of africa
    • 970 general history of north america
    • 980 general history of south america
    • 990 general history of other areas
the losers club as seniors


  • has been planning senior prank since he was a freshman
  • has participated in senior prank since freshmen year, but everyone knew that when trashmouth became a senior, his prank would top all pranks
  • is hailed by all as a fucking legend
  • teachers don’t want him in their classes, and when they do get him, they pray
  • except the english teacher, bc he’s full of bants and thinks richie’s sharp tongue is fantastic
  • has large hipster wide rimmed circular bright red glasses that bill brought from new york for his birthday- richie loves them (and he knows how fucking expensive they are)
  • richie and eddie have been together since sophomore year
  • richie still makes fun of eddie’s fanny pack, and kisses his pout off all the time
  • smokes with beverly at free period
  • draws on the walls all the time, and the janitors have stopped painting over them because the ones that aren’t dicks aren’t half bad
  • has a joke of the day in the school paper
  • spikes drinks at all the dances, always gets caught, always escapes detention, with help from mike, who has football training on the pitch outside the detention classroom
  • plays a mean game of basketball
  • he worked at the ice cream store over the summer, and would hook everyone up with free ice cream, except for mike, bc he’s vegan
  • always has a spare inhaler in his left back pocket
  • spray painted his bike bright pink (and bill’s for april fools, but he secretly loves it)
  • someone called him lady boy once and eddie fucked up his face so much that richie had to stop him and take some stuff from eddie’s fanny pack and clean up the asshole
  • asshole never spoke to him again
  • richie loudly sings kids in america out car windows, bothering stan so much. so. fucking. much.


  • always chewing strawberry gum
  • dating ben since junior year, always goes to the record store and listens to old music with him
  • secretly loves the library
  • all the guys (and maybe two or three girls) have massive crushes on her but her heart belongs to ben
  • favourite class is english, she started reading more when she visited the library over the summer (that’s where stan and ben worked)
  • rants to bill all the time, and taps her foot when stressed
  • she hid all of the pens in the school with richie once- chaotic evil?
  • let her hair grow out a little more, but then cut it when it got caught in someone’s fingers during a soccer game
  • heavyweight drinker, always plays drinking games with stan, also surprisingly a heavyweight
  • owns a leather jacket that her mom gave her, that belonged to her grandpa- wears it all the time and looks like such a badass with it over he swishy dresses and cowgirl boots
  • she worked at the record store, the diner, the gas station- just a whole bunch of little jobs
  • punched a guy for fake wheezing in front of eddie
  • richie punched him too of course
  • eddie just took a puff from his inhaler and stuck up his middle finger
  • all the girls admire her so much- she started a feminism club and had an advice column in the paper
  • captain of the soccer team, and the best player in the school- including the boys
  • i mean, she has the highest goal average per game in derry!?
  • has a funny joke lighter that bill bought her when he visited new york- it’s a molly ringwald lighter that you flip the head off for the flame
  • she loves it just like she loves her leather jacket


  • shotgun, no matter who’s driving
  • if a look could kill
  • richie would be dead 70 million times over
  • stan worked at the library over the summer, so all the Derry grandmas, book loving children, and a few in between love him
  • walking home, passes ms. smith’s house on the corner of the street?
  • walks in for a visit, comes out with seven cookies and a kiss on the cheek
  • but stan loves it
  • stan asked bill out at the beginning of sophomore year, and bill hadn’t stammered his answer
  • what i mean by that is that bill just kissed stan
  • in front of derry high school, in the middle of the gym, after bill’s basketball game (he and richie were varsity starters at 15 years old!)
  • but everyone just clapped, because stan was well loved and well feared by plenty
  • stan helps tutor some of the kids at the elementary school down the street, with maths and science
  • he an ben are best library bros for life
  • he know the dewey decimal system, morse code, and was now fluent in french and hebrew
  • has his coffee black because “i need to be energized through you bullshit, richie!”
  • watches all of the loser’s games, mike with football, beverly with soccer, bill and richie with basketball, and eddie with baseball, while he studies
  • he colour codes everything- a lot of the girls ask him for tips or to borrow his nice pens
  • he has a little golden bird hanging on a chain- a gift from bill when he visited new york


  • started playing baseball after he confronted his mom, came home tryout day with a scrape, totally freaked the fuck out, but made the team
  • he’s the Derry star pitcher, but still keeps an inhaler in his pocket
  • he also has rubbing alcohol, bandaids, pain killers, and a spare inhaler in the dugout
  • he loves his baseball cap (he washes it every other day)
  • chews mint gum (which richie loves)
  • has a baseball shaped fanny pack that bill brought back from new york for him
  • he started wearing converse- but everyone wore white ones, and eddie swore he could SEE the bacteria crawling, so he bought red ones that he kept clean
  • he still wore his velcro shoes occasionally, of course
  • he worked at the diner over the summer, and the bosses loved him because he kept the place squeaky clean
  • no food complaints because he also flipped a mean burger
  • the losers would come and spend hours there, waiting for eddie’s shift to end and putting in quarters into the jukebox 
  • eddie always requested Come on Eileen, by Dexys Midnight Runners
  • eddie always borrowed richies large shirts and would give them back washed cleanly and folded neatly
  • he’s very familiar with the school nurse (the old one left after eddie exposed her unclean nurse-ly ways)
  • richie had asked him out sophomore year and eddie had whacked him with his fanny pack because richie was drunk and had beer stains down his front
  • he tried again the next day and eddie accepted because he was sober and CLEAN
  • eddie loves going to the children’s hospital, even though the germs freak him out and he takes all the right precautions, but he loves talking to the kids and telling them stories about richie and beverly’s wild antics


  • american football legend!!
  • everyone wonders who’s gonna get his jersey when he graduates, because its just,,, wow!!!
  • stopped homeschooling and transferred to derry in freshman year- he met the loser the summer before, and begged his parents to transfer
  • he’s vegan and he makes GOOD vegan food that sometimes beverly mooches from at lunchtimes
  • he didn’t work during the summers- because he worked at the farm after trainings or school at home
  • loves photography
  • has collages everywhere
  • he has someone in the development store that gets him polaroid frames cheap
  • he has collages in his locker, in his room, has his pictures in the paper
  • he put his really stupid photos up EVERYWHERE for a part of the senior prank- pictures of dick drawings on the wall, a dog taking a shit, just his really stupid ones (with plenty of convincing from richie)
  • has some neat polaroid frames that bill brought from new york
  • wasn’t mad at ALL when richie spray painted his bike mint green
  • “I love it!! that would look so nice in the photos!!”
  • smoked once, choked and puked
  • “that was rancid, bev! you’re inhaling a freaking tar pit!!”
  • bakes really good cookies
  • can fight when needed
  • someone made a jab at ben once and mike was put in detention for 2 days for breaking the guy’s nose
  • helps richie out when he has detention
  • principals and teachers love him- always does his homework, always answers questions
  • except for spanish
  • mike fucking hates spanish
  • “I’m not moving to freaking Mexico when I’m older, ok??”


  • works at the library over the summer, and discusses books over mike’s cookies with the librarians and sometimes stan
  • listens to all sorts of music on his walkman, dances around as he shelves the books
  • writes poems and short stories for the school paper and the derry paper
  • he tutors some of the elementary kids in english, and helps the aspiring writers get their pieces in the paper or the library bulletin
  • has a separate notebook of poems about beverly and the rest of the losers (but mostly beverly)
  • the notebook was from bill, from new york
  • loves the smell of cigarette smoke and strawberry- but not too much
  • he goes to the bakery and brings muffins for everyone before school starts
  • ben drinks tea instead of coffee
  • loves big sweatshirts, has a whole bunch
  • his favourite pair of socks are superman socks
  • he knows a neat little coffee shop that has second hand books and really good lemon squares
  • but he likes meeting at the diner eddie works at more, because bev always plays new kids on the block for him
  • has a lighter in his pocket for beverly, because he knows that she’s not gonna stop, and wants her to be happy (which is really strange)
  • his hair is always really neat, and doesnt like it when people ruffle it
  • the most rebellious thing he’s ever done was partake in senior prank and put moldy stinky food in the teachers room and lock the door 
  • he was scared shitless he was gonna get caught\
  • but only richie, beverly and bill got in trouble
  • mike broke them out, with some support from ben
  • school mascot, can backflip, front flip, cartwheel and roundoff the FUCK out of the pitch


  • went to new york, brought something back for everyone
  • admired by everyone in the school
  • all the elementary kids call him big boss bill
  • very much in love with stan
  • plays shooting guard in basketball
  • lightweight drinker, stan always has to carry him home if richie throws a wild party
  • writes short stories and essays for the school paper
  • doodles in all the classes, never focuses, still passes
  • teacher wonder how he does it
  • co captain of basketball (with richie, but only because richie has a higher basket average than him, but bill can actually lead)
  • drives- not too slow, not too fast, and very responsible
  • once backflipped off the first floor onto the pitch because eddie said he would’ve been too chicken
  • sprained his ankle, never did something that stupid again
  • class president
  • learned how to play mahjong
  • very good at it
  • stammers still, but only when he’s nervous (which is actually a lot of the time, cause the losers are dangerous little shits)
  • worked at the grocery store over the summer, everyone in derry knew him
  • if he likes you you get special discount on the junk food
  • buys pens for stan all the time
  • always listens to music for about thirty minutes pre-game
  • watches all of eddie and mike’s games, as well as beverly’s
  • substitute school mascot for non basketball games
  • all the girls love him and his bisexual ass, but his heart is stan’s

favorite things about the new eps (DUCKTALES SPOILERS)

• Donald doing air guitar while listening to rock music on full blast was the best thing ever
• “I can still see the darts when I close my eyes”
• Webby’s sister relationship with the boys is so stinkin cute
• Huey freaking out over being banned because he’s “never been kicked out before” my angel son
• Louie flirting with people in order to con them
• Webby taking out Big Time with a frozen pizza
• The boys telling Webby that being normal is overrated and they like her for her was everything
• Donald going ballistic on the beagle boys for taking his kids was amazing I’m so proud of him
• Donald swooping the boys up in a hug when he saw they were okay (even though he should hug his daughter webby too smh)
• Mrs. Beakley is a spy ???
• Launchpad was only in an ep for five seconds but you’re doing amazing sweetie
• One of Scrooge’s favorite smells is fresh baked cookies :)
• “Bad things happen to those who ask about Della duck”
• Gyro saying Blathering Blatherskite
• Gyro keeping a list of all his inventions that went evil (which had a ton of references on it!)
• Lil Bulb is still a cutie patootie
• “Shut up everyone I’ve done something brilliant!”
• I love the new gyro
• The Dewey Decimal system joke made me laugh harder than it should’ve
• The only picture the boys have of Della is a picture of her shoving Donald’s face into a cake

student info: Junk, the student assistant librarian

The library is an odd place, and the librarians are an odd bunch. There’s the research librarian who hunts monsters; there’s the one who smells like fig newtons and seems to live and breathe books and only books, as if bound somehow to the library itself; there’s the… some guy, you think, who helps with reshelving (and “some guy” is not at all an accurate description of… whoever or whatever he is, but you don’t dare risk any other description) and, of course, the head librarian. The head librarian is called Irons, and her name suits her. Mrs. Irons is rarely seen, but when she does show up, everything- everything- falls silent. They say Mrs. Irons once shushed the Wild Hunt. You almost believe it. They say she learned the true name of one of the Gentry, and put him to work in the library as an unpaid intern. You don’t know about that, but you don’t look up when you hear some guy shuffling a book cart around the shelves.

And then there’s the student assistant librarian.

The student assistant librarian is exhausted and stressed all the time. Usually she says her name is Junk, but sometimes she gets confused and introduces herself as something else instead- not ever her true name, no, just whatever she happens to blurt out. She’s used to false names. She wears boots with iron hobnails and sweaters inside out and cargo pants with a hundred things in their pockets; her hair is usually uncombed but always smells of witch hazel. She’s tall, but she has the sort of permanent stoop you get from keeping your eyes on the ground all your life. She’s personable, but she doesn’t do well when conversations go off script. She never makes eye contact, and her dark eyes move oddly when she looks around- as though there are things in the room she wants to avoid seeing. She lies as often as she tells the truth, seemingly without reason. Her lies are always either entirely inconsequential or unconvincing to the point of absurdity, but she always delivers them with the same impossibly straight face.

The job is minimum-wage work study; you’re not sure how many hours they’re even allowed to give a student each week, but it seems like Junk is always in the library. There’s a dingy old microwave behind the circulation desk and a pile of clothes from the lost and found that could conceivably be a bed, if you’re an exhausted college student who doesn’t want to risk the trek back across campus at three in the morning. (Any time but three in the morning, freshmen quickly learn- you can be a night owl all you like, but three in the morning is not our time.) 

The student assistant librarian, whose name is usually Junk, is on the brink of flunking all her classes and always behind on reshelving. This is understandable. She is a student and an assistant librarian, but the real task of the student assistant librarian has little to do with either of those things. The library is an odd place and it is full of odd things, things odder even than the librarians. It is the task of the student assistant librarian to provide protection between the library and the students. She wanders the shelves with silver studs in her ears, washers on a chain around her neck, salt in her boots, a hand-crank flashlight in her pocket, and a crumpled guide to the Dewey Decimal system in her hand. She recites a poem as she walks, not because it keeps her safe but just because it’s her favorite stim: feeling the rhymes and rhythms on her own tongue, finding the patterns, finding the sense. It helps keep her calm- and she needs to be calm when she walks the shelves. 

She finds the students who have wandered into danger; she finds the danger that has wandered into the library. She sorts things out. She chews her lips bloody inside every time she goes into the deep shelves, but she sorts things out. She knows exactly how to deal with the Gentry, and exactly how to avoid dealing with them. She is not all-powerful, nor does she think of herself as particularly heroic, but she is smart and she is stubborn and when you are in her library you will be safe.

There’s a rumor that Junk was born with the Sight. You’re not sure if that’s true- you’re not sure if that’s possible- but when you look at her, this strange gangling girl who strides into the deep shelves every night for minimum wage and strides back out again with lost students at her side, this girl who knows every rule for every interaction with the Gentry, this girl that lies as easily as breathing and once accidentally introduced herself as Captain Kirk, this girl that you once saw crying into a cup of E-Z Mac behind the circulation desk… when you look at her, you think that if anyone was ever born with the Sight, it was probably Junk.

You do not envy her that.

She has a cat, officially registered with the school as a support animal for her autism. It is grey, a bit chubby, incredibly loving, dumb as a box of rocks and about as energetic, and all in all one of the most aggressively mundane animals you’ve ever seen. Perhaps that’s why the Gentry have never messed with it- or maybe that’s because Junk has always ensured that the cat is as protected as it is possible for any animal to be: an iron-buckled collar of brass bells, fur washed with witch hazel water she’s left in the moonlight, salt packets sewn into its support animal vest, no name given, and always at her side. It does not chase mice in the library. It does not chase anything at all, nor has it ever attempted to drink or eat from the offerings that students leave out. Maybe, upon reflection, it isn’t actually that dumb.

On the occasions she actually manages to make it to class, she usually falls asleep on her tiny desk within ten minutes. Even in small classes, most of her classmates don’t want to wake her. Student assistant librarian is not an easy job, and it is only decency to allow her rest where she can find it. Her grades suffer, but she will return to the library for her shift, and when you are in her library, you will be safe.

Junk doesn’t have a major. Even after two years, she’s still muddling through her gen eds. She doesn’t often talk about her family- at least, she doesn’t often tell the truth about them- but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love them. Sometimes, at Elsewhere, it’s best to keep the things you love secret. Her family, whoever they are, wherever they are, are proud that their daughter made it to university. They do not know about her job, or the duty that comes along with it. They especially do not know about her grades.

Finals week is hard on everyone, but it also means that the number of students in the library increases tenfold- and so does the number of other things. Finals week is the most dangerous time of year, more dangerous even than the ravages of Spring Break, and it is the duty of the student assistant librarian to provide protection between the library and the students. She stays up all night herding the desperate studiers out of the unsafe places; she takes her exams as quickly as she can (too quickly) and then races back to the library to fetch those who have gone missing in her absence. It is not uncommon to see Junk full-on sprinting down the campus sidewalks during finals week, lanky limbs akimbo, hair wild, cat peeking out of her backpack. As hard as she runs, though, she never cuts a corner from the safe pathways. 

Not a single student has been Taken* from the library since she started work- an unprecedented record. She’s proud of that, even and especially on days when she’s too exhausted to put three sentences together, let alone write a timed essay. It seems unfair to give a job like this to a full-time student, and it is- but there is something about it that’s vital that the student assistant librarian must be both student and librarian. They must be a go-between. They must walk both worlds. They must provide protection.

(*She found a philosophy student halfway to the Barony once, miles past the marble palace in the reference section. He was lost and glamour-dazed, but not yet Taken, not all the way. She gave him half the sandwich she had in her pocket (the other half went back into the pocket, just in case) and led him back to the circulation desk in time for the end of night shift- the journey had been several days, she was certain, but time passed differently in the library. Two weeks later, the same philosophy student went missing from a party, and never reappeared. Junk couldn’t do anything about that; he wasn’t in her library. But no one gets taken from her library.)

Junk never asks for anything in return from the students she rescues from the deep shelves- it is her duty, after all, and duty means a bargain bigger, more binding, and more sacred than any trade between students. Still, it might be a good idea to help her with her classwork. After all, if she flunks out, the school is unlikely to get another student assistant librarian like this one.


((Hope this is alright! Wasn’t sure how to submit this but… Junk and Mrs. Irons are original characters of mine, sliding into Elsewhere University AU-wise. Anyone who wants to can find out more about them and their other lives (and talk to Junk!) at my blog @deweydeadcimal.))

Five Second Rule

I was digging through my drafts folder and found this random, mostly finished little ficlet. So I polished it up and present you with some random Hannigram.

Hannibal greatly enjoyed the times when he got to linger in the bowels of the FBI as he was today, leaning over a lightly putrefied body with contained fascination as Jack’s forensic team fussed around him. Admittedly, much of that enjoyment came from the fact that Will was generally nearby and often endearingly vulnerable in this environment, but even when Jack dragged Will away to his office – which he had done just ten minutes ago – Hannibal still took great pleasure in the chance to brush up on his understanding of the FBI’s inner workings. Indeed, he had spent a very entertaining forty-five minutes discussing the use of turmeric in fingerprint identification with Mr Price, the knowledge of which already had Hannibal both rethinking his post-kill clean up routine and considering whether he had anything in his freezer that might work well in a curry. Something delicate and fragrant, to go with the flank of that appalling parking attendant from the previous week, who had been sadly lacking in either quality.

It was, therefore, with pleasant images of arranging his next tableau – something involving flowers, perhaps, for Will – thronging in his head that Hannibal followed behind Price, Zeller and Ms. Katz as they made their way to the break room, having decided that they would make no further progress in the case without “choking down a disgusting amount of sugar,” according to Ms. Katz. Hannibal had nowhere pressing to be, after all, and would happily wait the whole afternoon in order to see Will again once he was released from Jack’s clutches.

That thought might have given Hannibal pause on any other day. However, just at the moment it crossed his mind, he happened to witness the greatest atrocity of his life.

“Oops, butterfingers!” Ms Katz trilled, as a glazed, rainbow-sprinkled doughnut slipped her grasp and landed on the floor, sprinkles down. And then Hannibal watched in fascinated horror as she bent to retrieve the soiled pastry, blew on it and, shrugging, said the words that struck disgust into Hannibal’s very soul.

“Five second rule!”

And then she ate it.

Hannibal had to leave the room. He wasn’t sure he could trust himself not to vomit otherwise.

Will caught up with him later in his lecture hall, where Hannibal was restoring inner harmony by rearranging the library of his mind palace. He had developed his own shelving system – the Dewey Decimal was hardly up to scratch – and was replacing some volumes of poetry when the smell of aged paper was joined by the ever-welcome scent of Will’s presence. Hannibal opened his eyes to find the profiler regarding him with a mildly concerned expression, perhaps discomfited by Hannibal’s apparent lapse into a vegetative state. Hannibal had yet to introduce Will to his palace, though of course versions of him already resided in many of its rooms.

“Hello Will,” Hannibal said, assuming a placid and affable tone in order to reassure his friend that he was perfectly well.

Will, somewhat worryingly, was not fooled, his magnificent brows drawing together in concern. Hannibal automatically catalogued the expression for future commitment to paper. He would have to find several hours soon to do so: his mental file of unrecorded images of Will was becoming somewhat unwieldy. Perhaps one day he would be able to coax Will to pose for him in the flesh. Perhaps in nothing but the flesh, his beautiful form freed from all that frumpy, everyman plaid, the firm, strong plains of his muscles exposed for Hannibal’s perusal…

“Is something wrong, Doctor?” Will asked, pulling Hannibal from his reverie, his tone brusque as ever but tinged with genuine care, the presence of which caused something to tighten painfully in Hannibal’s chest. He sighed and decided it could do no harm to inform Will of his friend’s unhygienic crassness. Will would likely brush it off as perfectly acceptable behaviour, causing a little tarnish to his appeal that Hannibal would be rather grateful of at that moment.

“Will, have you ever heard of something called the ‘Five Second Rule’?” Hannibal asked, unable to keep his mouth from twisting into a slight moue.

Will looked up at him in surprise and then slapped his hand across his eyes. “Please tell me Bev did not do that in front of you,” he groaned.

Hannibal raised an eyebrow, amused by Will’s apparent embarrassment.

“I’m afraid to say she did,” he said, gently despite his stomach lurching slightly at the thought. “You do not approve?”

“Doctor, I live with a pack of dogs. Do you really think I would eat anything that had come into contact with my floor?” Will grinned and Hannibal’s breath hitched. “And I’m pretty certain I clean my floor more than most people, present company excluded.” Hannibal’s heart skipped a beat. “I keep telling Bev she needs to stop, it’s a really filthy habit.”

And then, well, there really was nothing for it but to close the gap between them and kiss Will, firm and sure and with just the slightest brush of tongue to really get the point across.

“Hannibal!” Will pulled back and Hannibal reflected ruefully that he would have preferred the first time Will addressed him by his first name not to have been with such shock in his tone.

“I must apologise, Will. That was not how I had planned…” he trailed off as Will’s eyes snapped up to his.

“Plan? What plan? There was a plan?” Will asked, his eyebrows threatening to detach completely from his head and rocket skywards.

Ah yes, the plan. The one in which Hannibal would – with the help of Will’s rapidly worsening encephalitis – break the empath, frame him and imprison him, to be kept under lock and key until the time might come when Hannibal wished to play with Will’s brain once more. The plan which, Hannibal now realised, he had not thought through with his usual precision, because it would be inconvenient to have to visit the BSHCI every time he wished to kiss Will. The plan which would now have to be abandoned completely because there was little… there was absolutely no chance Hannibal was not going to keep kissing Will, now that he had started. Kissing and, with any luck, much, much more. Assuming Will would let him, that is.

Will, who had pulled back but not out of Hannibal’s embrace.

Will, who was looking up at Hannibal from beneath those ridiculous, beautiful lashes.

Will, who was very definitely smirking and leaning in close to whisper in his doctor’s ear, “Well, Hannibal, it seems you don’t have a problem with all filthy things.”

And it was true because, as they soon found out, there were some things Hannibal was very happy to eat off the floor, even after they’d been there much longer than five seconds.

References mentioned in ‘’A Series of Unfortunate Events’’(SPOILERS!!)

It’s not a lie that Daniel Hadnler really likes to reference and do easter eggs of his favorite writers and artists in his book.

So i tried to find and collect some of the references mentioned in ASOUE (They are A LOT so if i forgot something tell me to add it! Also because i have read the books in greek and some of them in english, and a lot of things are lost in the translation.)

  • The name Beatrice and also the name Baudelaire, are references to the ‘‘cursed poet’‘ Charles Baudelaire and his long poem ‘‘Beatrice.’‘ This is actually a reference in a reference because this poem is also a reference to Dante’s Inferno. The Baudelaire’s poem and Inferno are both about a beautiful woman, as Beatrice Baudelaire was. 
  • This is not exactly a reference but Lemony’s dedications to Beatrice reminds me of Shakespeare’s dedication to the ‘’Dark Lady’’ in the ‘’Sonnets’’
  • The name Poe is a reference to the poet Edgar Allan Poe. Also Mr.Poe’s son names are Edgar and Albert. 
  • Edgar and Albert could be a reference to Edgar Alber Guest
  • Eleanora Poe is also a reference to Poe’s short story ‘’Eleanora’’.
  • Violet Klaus and Sunny is a reference to a real crime (i’m not sure about that) but i dont remember a lot for that.
  • Briny Beach takes its name from the poem The Walrus and the Carpente by Lewis Carroll.
  • One of Monty’s snakes is called Virginian Wolfsnake is an obvious allusion to writer Virginia Wolf. 
  • ‘‘Prospero’‘ and ‘‘Stephano’‘ are taken from Shakespeare’s ‘‘The Tempest’‘
  • Also ‘’The Tempest’’ as it name says, it has a lot to do with sea and that’s why the boat to Peru is named after this specific play. 
  • Sunny after Monty’s murder in TRR says ‘’Ackroyd!’’, a reference to Agatha Cristie’s mystery novel ‘’The Murder of Roger Ackroyd’’
  • Somewhere in TRR Lemony mentions the Cafe Kafka, named after Franz Kafka. 
  • The ‘’Damocles Dock’’ is a reference to Greek Mythology and the story of Damocles (Δαμοκλής in greek) is a story about Dionysus who offered to Damocles to live a day as an King. But the whole day a sword was tied with horse’s hair above his head. Yes im Greek so i know a lot about greek mythology. But also ‘’Damocles’’ today symbolises the great danger. The kids in the first illustration of the book are sitting in the dock with a sword above their heads. Brilliant! Isn’t it? 
  • A lot of things in TWW are allusions to Franz Kafka like the name Josephine (Josephine is also a Hurricane) and the whistling thing. I dont have read a lot of Kafka so i cant explain further. 
  • Shirley, the name Olaf used when he was disguised as a receptionist,  is a reference to Edward Hopper’s painting ‘’office at the night’’. There’s a receptionist in the painting, Hopper’s wife (Jo) named ‘’Shirley’’. 
  • Dr. Georgina Orwell is one of the references i found when i was still 12. So if my 12 years old found it, im sure you did. Is obvious. Is an allusion to the writer of ‘’1984′’ George Orwell. ‘’1984′’ is actually the ‘’grand-father’’ of The Hunger Games. A dystopian society with tyrant, who sees and knows everything and everyone is (not literally) hypnotized by him. Georgina seems to know everything that happens in Patryville and she also hyptonotizes people. Also the ‘’symbol’’ of 1984 is an eye. And Georgina is an optometrist and her damn whole office is an eye. 
  • The eye sign with the glasses is a reference to the Great Gatsby. 
  • Olaf’s disguise is Coach Ghengis. A nod to Genghis Khan, founder of the Mongol Empire. Olaf wears a turban; there is a tale in which Ghenghis had a dream that involved him wrapping a turban around his head. (from @carmelitaspats)
  • Principal Nero is named after Emperor Nero. A Roman tyrrant. Emperor Nero also did a lot of awful concerts tho. 
  • Isadora and Duncan are named after Isadora Duncan. One of the most important dancers of all time. 
  • When Isadora introduced herself Sunny said ‘’Sapho.’’ The name of the lesbian icon poet Sapho who lived in ancient Greece. I have visit the cliff she jumped off, it was actually 40 mins away from my house. Told you, i know a lot about ancient greece. 
  • Mrs. Bass Mr.Remora and Mrs.Tench are named after… fishes. I think that is the first hint for the Red Fish Statue. It was hinted a lot. 
  • ‘‘Prufpock Prep’‘ the poem by T.S. Eliot  The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
  • The last illustration is a hint for the theme of the next book but also the second hint for the Red Fish Statue. 
  • 667 Dark Avenue. So 667 is a number after the 666, related with evil. The whole book mentions the number six a lot. There are 66 floors in the 667 building. So now you know why his name is Handler. 
  • Esme Squalor’s name is a reference to the ‘’For Esme with love and Squalor’’ by J.D. Salinger. 
  • The Vern Museum Violet wants to visit is a reference to the author Jules Vern. 
  • The  Akhmatova Bookstore is named after Anna Akhmatova a Russian poet.
  • Pincus Hospital is one of the most funny references. The hospital is named after the doctor who invited contraceptive pills. I think is funny because Sunny was born in this hospital. (so it’s obvious that Berdrand and Beatrice didnt use those pills. Ah you lovebirds)
  • This is one of the easy references too. When the kids are hearing behind the apartment doors they hear someone saying ‘’Let them eat cake’’ something Marie Antoinnete said in the French Revolution when the angry mob of poor people was outside of her palace. The people were living in harsh conditions and someone of the palace said to Marie that they dont dont even have bread to eat. So Marie responded with the legendary quote ‘’Let them eat cake’’. Marie gurl THEY DONT EVEN HAVE BREAD.
  • Sunny said Armani when they were messing around with Jerome’s tie. Armani is a fashion house. 
  • Also another one greek mythology reference! When they were trapped in the elevator Klaus said that the situation reminded him Scylla and Charybdis. Two sea monsters. So they were metaphorically ‘’trapped in the sea’’. Then Sunny said ‘’Glaucus’’ a sea god who was warning and saving sailors. Sunny also saved them from this metaphorically ‘’trapped in sea’’ situation. 
  • The whole Seventh Book is a reference to Poe. In principle ‘’Nevermore tree’’ is a reference to ‘’The Raven’’ a poem in which a raven repeats the word ‘’Nevermore’’. Ravens are sitting in the Nevermore tree. 
  • The name Detective Dupin is a reference to Poe’s character C. Auguste Dupin.
  • When Hector sayin ‘’Curiousier and curiousier’‘ he is quoting  Alice in Wonderland. One of Baudelaire’s favorite books as we learned. 
  • Heimlich Hospital is a reference to Henry Heimlich, a pshychologist.
  • There are two patients named Haruki Murakami and Mikhail Bulkagov. The first one is one of today’s most important writers and the second one is a Russian Novelist.
  • When Sunny is saying Orlando to describe the persong who looks neither man nor woman, is a reference to Virginia Woolf’s novel ‘’Orlando’’ in which the character (a man) becomes a woman.  
  •  In an illustration, one of the Volunteers Fighting Disease plays a guitar with the inscription “This Volunteer fights disease.” Probably a reference  to Woody Guthrie, who inscribed “This machine kills fascists” on his guitar. Realised that after i read Paper Towns. 
  • Hugo’s name is a reference to Victor Hugo. Hugo is also a hunchback a reference to Victor Hugo’s book  The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
  • “Elliot” and “Beverly”, the aliases Violet and Klaus use when disguised as a two-headed freak are those of twin brothers in the David Cronenberg film Dead Ringers.
  • The Mortmain Mountains is a reference to the Statutes of Mortmain.
  • VFD’s “the world is quiet here” is a reference to the first line of The Garden of Proserpine by Algernon Charles Swineburne: “Here where the world is quiet.” (from @antique-symbolism-main)
  • An excerpt of this poem also appears later in this book: “That no life lives forever / That dead men rise up never / That even the weariest river / Winds somewhere safe to sea.”
  • Violet names her knot ‘’Sumac Knot’’ after a singer she likes. That’s probably the singer Yma Sumac. 
  • Sunny says “Matahari” to refer to her spying on Count Olaf and his troupe. Mata Hari was a female spy during the first world war. 
  • When the Baudelaires and Quigley Quagmire are trying to find a way to escape from the top of Mount Fraught, Sunny says Rosebud, prompting them to use the toboggan. This is a reference to the movie Citizen Kane. “Rosebud’‘ is the first and the last word of the movie . Also Olaf mentioned Citizen Kane at the netflix show in the third episode. 
  • Queequeg is a reference to a character from Moby Dick. Also the members of Queequeg boat are wearing a unifor with Herman Melville’s face on it. Melville is the writer of Moby Dick. 
  • Whidershin’s monologue is a reference to Plato.
  • Gorgonian Grotto is another one reference to greek mythology. Gorgon (Γοργώ in greek) was a sea monster. A woman with snakes in her head. 
  • Sunny says the word ‘’Hewenkella’’ when they are trying to figure out how they will find their way in the grotto. This word is a reference to Hellen Keller a blind and deaf writer. Handler probably used that word because the kids cant saw or hear anything while they were in the grotto. 
  • Dewey’s name is a reference to Dewey Decimal System. Also the hotel is working with this system 
  • The name Denouement, is a reference to the literary term denouement, which refers to action that takes place between the falling action and the resolution of a plot. That happens a lot in that book. 
  • Sunny says the word "efcharisto” to Dewey. This translates to “thank you” ‘’ευχαριστώ’’ in Greek. I realised that when i read the english version. Because in the greek version Sunny is already saying ‘‘efcharisto’‘/’‘ευχαριστώ but in greek. Told you, a lot of things are lost in the translation. 
  • The name Ishmael is another one reference to  Moby Dick, and his insistence of “Call me Ish” is a variation of the first line of Moby Dick: “Call me Ishmael.”
  • All of island citizens are names after famous castaways or people associated with the sea. 
  • The castaways, who dress in white and whose consumption of the coconut cordial keeps them docile, are an allusion to the Lotus Eaters encountered in The Odyssey.
  •  The sheep strapped together are also an allusion to The Odyssey. Odysseus escapes the cylops’s cave by hiding his men under sheep that are strapped together.
  • When Lemony says  “…the heroine of a book much more suitable to read than this one who spends an entire afternoon eating the first bite of a bushel of apples…” he means the girl from Beezus and Ramona. Also in this book, Beezus’s real name is Beatrice. 
  • The scene where Ink gives the apple at Sunny is probably inspired by Bible’s scene when the snake gave the apple to Eve. But Ink saved Sunny (and the Baudelaires) and the Snake destroyed Eve. 

So that’s it. Tell me if i missed any (i probably missed a lot) so i can add it! Hope you liked it and you learned new things about the references in Asoue :)


One of the Librarians is a Monster Hunter.

I know this because that is what the plaque on her door reads, in 18 different languages.

I believe it because she carries a sword almost everywhere she goes.

Sometimes people visit her, sometimes I don’t dare look at Them when I pass Them in the hall.

I’ve seen her when I’m coming home late in the evening sometimes, just as the sun sets. Covered head to toe in iron, rustling and catching the last rays of the sun as she walks down the sidewalk.

She’s usually in charge of the library in the afternoon, I’ve seen her conversing with the dust motes about how the Dewey Decimal System works.

She runs the fencing club and every first Monday of the month is an open day for all to try out fencing. Sometimes They like to come on these days, if you’re interested in a challenge.

I once saw her at a party I went to, arm in arm with a beautiful silver haired woman, not a bit of iron on her person. She’s very brave, I wish I was like her.

But this one time she disappeared for two whole weeks. When she came back she had her arm in a sling and walked with a limp.

Her life seems like it’s so exciting. I once tried to ask her how she got into it, but she pretended she hadn’t heard me.

Maybe the life’s not for me anyway, she always looks tired.

One of the younger faculty takes a rather active approach to her life around Elsewhere U, sometimes it’s not luck that gets you home unharmed from a party, whether you know it or not.



shh don’t tell anyone she’s reading on the job when she should be learning the dewey decimal system 

Noted, Daveed Diggs x Reader

Prompt: First date + Daveed Diggs

Words: 880 (I’ve been writing much more than usual per fic)

Author’s Note: A sort of continuation of ‘Street Cred’. You don’t necessarily have to read that one to understand this one, though!

Warnings: Cursing (what else is new?), drinking (nothing. this is nothing new).

Askbox | Masterlist | Part 1

Daveed was precisely on time for your date. He opted for a very casual look after his busy day and you were very grateful you decided to go with a Golden State Warriors shirt.

He walked in a few minutes after you did, a few of his costars trailing behind him.

“I really hope you don’t mind. It’s actually impossible for them to leave me alone?”

“The more the merrier,” You assured, scooting over in the semi-circular booth so he could take the seat next to you and his friends could slide in on the other side.

He went around the circle, introducing each of them and watching you easily interact with them. You happily joked with Oak, complimented Jazzy on a bracelet she was wearing and was able to send a flirty remark to him all in one breath.

You fit in seamlessly, and when you offered to get the first of many rounds that night, his friends were quick to tell him.

“Shit, man, are you just really good at scoping out girls at coffee shops?” Anthony, who had stayed quiet and observed carefully, asked.

“A Warriors shirt? You’re paying her, right?” Jazzy joked, grinning innocently when you returned with a waiter in tow, who carried a round of shots and beers for the group.

Eventually, Oak’s girlfriend arrived and he spent a better part of the night on the dance floor with her, accompanied by Anthony and Jazzy. This left you alone with Daveed at the booth.

“How was work?” You shifted your body to face him.

“Good, only fucked up a bit. You never told me where you work?” He shifted as well, leaning forward and draping his arm over the back of the booth.

“I live the oh-so glamorous life of a bookstore employee. The Dewey Decimal System gives me a thrill like nothing else can,” You joked, throwing back a shot, wincing when the strong liquid hit the back of your throat.

“I can imagine. Nothing more erotic than a 600 page exploration of a fucking shark or something.” He followed your lead, tossing a shot back casually. You giggled at the thought of the man in front of you sitting down in costume to consume a rousing book about fish.

“Well, it pays the bills. I would like to paint, but who has the time?”

“A painter! You do have the hot, mysterious feeling of a troubled artist…” He trailed off, glancing to where Oak and Anthony had drunkenly decided to start singing along to the blasting music.

“Now, that’s true art.” You laughed when Jazzy decided to join in, harmonizing perfectly even in her tipsy state. You lifted your beer glass, and he clinked his against yours.

You spent the night with Daveed by your side, you shared tidbits and stories of your life, as you really didn’t know much about each other. The end of your date was spent trying to corral his friends into taxis, sending them home as safely as you could.

You told him your apartment building was a few blocks up, and he offered to walk you home. You took him up on his offer, feeling much safer in the dimly lit street with his arm around you.

“They liked you, they might actually like you more than they do me,”

“Well, they have great taste, then.” You teased as you crossed the street onto your block, “This is me.” You pointed up to your building.

“We’re going to do this again, right?” He asked, leaning against the door as you fiddled with your purse in search of your keys to the building.

“I think so.” You found your keys, and twirled them in your fingers as he cleaned closer, “Although, as much as I love getting drunk with the Tony and Grammy award winning cast of Hamilton, I might enjoy getting dinner with Daveed Diggs more.”

“Noted.” He beamed as you unlocked the door. He moved forward to hold the door open for you, but you didn’t move past the archway. You pushed yourself onto your tip-toes, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Goodnight.” You whispered, turning on your heel into your building.

Still holding the door open, he had one single thought, ‘Do it, Diggs.’

He caught a hold of your wrist, turning and pulling you into his chest. Without a second thought, he pushed his lips onto yours, having to lean forward to accommodate your height. Again, you pushed forward as far as you could to completely eliminate any and all space between the two of you.

You pulled back breathless, your purse laying forgotten on the floor of the lobby of your apartment building.

“Goodnight.” He replied, giving you one last peck before leaving you stunned. You scrambled to pick up your purse, and climbed the flights of stairs to your floor faster than you ever had before.

You still felt the pressure of his lips the next morning, when he texted you a picture of the sun rising over the skyscrapers of New York with the caption, ‘this reminded me of you’.

You painted it for him and hung it up in your apartment on your one year anniversary. You moved it to the nursery two years later.

Creepypasta #1241: I Found Something At The Library I Most Definitely Should Not Have

Length: Long

So it seems the formula here is to open up with some expository personal details right? I guess it wouldn’t hurt. Let’s call me John. I suppose someone could pretty easily hunt down my IP and figure out who I really am. And I’d be pretty naive to think no one will try to do just that. But I’m in way over my head now and at the very least, I need someone to listen.

Anyway, call me John, like I said. I’m a college senior and a lifelong victim of relatively crippling anxiety and depression. In case you didn’t already know, “college senior” and “anxiety and depression” make for a particularly excellent stress cocktail, so things have been especially rough lately. Up until the last six months or so, I’ve always known what I wanted to do with my life. It hasn’t always been the same thing, but I’ve always felt pulled in one direction or another. So, of course, now that it’s time to actually know what I want to do with my life, I’m at a loss. 

I do have an incredible support system however; my parents are totally understanding and compassionate when it comes to my anxiety. The same goes for my wonderful girlfriend. I worry I’m putting them in danger by writing this, but they probably were already anyway.

The one thing I’ve always enjoyed doing is writing. I had planned on being a journalist before I recently realized I’m petrified of talking to strangers. I’ve always liked the idea of screenwriting, for TV and movies and the like. I know I’ll still have to talk to strangers, no matter what I end up doing, but at least this way my job doesn’t depend solely on the cooperation of strangers. 

They say if you want to be a writer, you just have to start writing. Doesn’t matter if no one ever reads it, you just have to do it. That’s always been brutal for me. I don’t see the point in doing something for myself. I need the validation of others to be happy. Always have. So I guess I’ve just been a little scared to just sit down and write. I’m not scared of that anymore. Not after this morning. I’ve got much more to be scared of now.

I was at the library grinding out homework, around midnight. I spend a LOT of time there. We have little private study rooms called carrels here. Sometimes I post up in one late in the morning and don’t leave until after midnight. It’s a peaceful place on a busy campus. 

Once I finished, I decided I would finally start writing something. Instead I chose to procrastinate, which I excel at. I opened up gmail to take inventory when something caught my eye. I had a new email, except it didn’t seem to be from anyone. I shit you not, the space where the sender’s address usually is was instead just blank. 

The subject line read “A Little Inspiration”. I figured it was spam; I’m not too careful about streaming websites so it wouldn’t have surprised me if some sketchy site had gotten a hold of my email in the hopes of hacking me. I figured I could open the email and be safe as long as I didn’t click any links.

The email read as follows:

Writer’s Block, eh?

I’ve got something very special for you, Johnny. I think you’ll like it very much. Maybe I’ll have something more for you later.

5th floor. 917.23.



Anyone who knows me knows better than to call me fucking JOHNNY. This was some weird-ass spam. I shrugged and deleted it. I didn’t have time to blink before another email, apparently from no one, appeared at the top of my inbox.

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B99 + Library AU: in which Jake is a newly hired library assistant, and Amy helps him avoid getting fired. 

“You don’t know the Dewey Decimal System? How did you even get hired?!”
“I might have convinced the lead librarian that I’m an avid reader of The New Yorker.” 
“You what?!”
“Yeah, Kev was super impressed with how I justified the pro-slavery stance I backed myself into.” 


It’s Jake’s first day on the job, and he has no idea what he’s doing. 

Amy had just cringed when she saw him eating what seemed to be a bowl of cereal and orange soda at the front desk, but she draws the line at seeing him place Jimmy Brogan’s The Squad in the Fine Arts section. When she confronts him about it, it’s agonizingly clear how unqualified he is for his position. Horrified over the prospect of him wreaking havoc in her favorite library, she sets out to help him with the rest of his tasks for the day.

Jake knows he’s completely out of his element, but he’s also very aware of his crushing debt. Desperate to keep his new job, he promises to give Amy first dibs on the most in-demand books in exchange for a crash course on being the ultimate library assistant slash genius. 

dewey decimals

on ao3

i was doing a close reading assignment the other night and i started thinking about connor as an english major and then i started thinking about connor as a librarian and now im here

enjoy this and also my opinions on wuthering heights

Connor loves books.

He does, no matter what look Larry gives him whenever he locks himself in his room to read for a few hours. Larry probably thinks he’s getting high. Okay yes, sometimes he’s just getting high. But he also reads.

It’s cliche as fuck, but books are the best friends Connor’s got. They can’t hate him or judge him or abandon him. They’re just there. Plus it’s pretty morbid to sometimes think about how they’re insights to the minds of people who are dead.

So yeah, Connor likes books. He likes classics and gothic novels and young adult lit and middle grade books. He doesn’t really get book snobs, because there are shitty books in every genre. He tries to give all books a try.

Except Twilight. Zoe went through a Twilight phase. Fuck Twilight.

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A New Chapter (Ch. 2): Saying Goodbye Pt. 1

Characters: Dean Winchester x Platonic!Reader, Sam Winchester x Platonic!Reader, Dean Winchester x Mia Walker (OC)

Length: 1645+ words

TW: Dean being a jerk! 

A/N: Feedback is encouraged, but not necessary. Let me know if you want to be tagged, or removed from the Tag List!

Catch up on the Hell on Earth Series HERE

“Hey, Sam, can I ask you something?” Y/N asked once they sat down for breakfast.

“Sure. What’s up?”

She put the piece of paper of her ideas on the table, directing it towards him. “I want to go to college, and move out of here, but I was wondering if you could help me? I’m not sure if everything I want to do is possible… Especially if I’ll be doing it alone.”

“Wait- Wh- Alon-” Sam furrowed his eyebrows, taking the piece of paper, and reading through it. “Get a job, apply for college, and get an apartment. That sounds reasonable, but…”

“I’m not doing this to avoid Dean,” she said quickly. “I just think I need to learn to live by myself, you know? I need to move on from all of this, and it sucks because I don’t want to leave you guys, but I think it’ll be for the best.”

“I understand,” Sam said. “It’s not healthy to keep you locked up in here forever. You’ll keep in touch, right?”

“Of course. I don’t think I can cut you guys out of my life forever.”

Sam got up, and pulled her to a strong hug. “God, I can’t believe I’m letting you go like this.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled against his chest. “I just don’t think I can stay here forever. I want to, but-”

“You don’t have to explain anything.” He rubbed her back comfortingly, blinking back the tears. “You’re gonna do so well out there.”

“Thank you, Sam.”

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