the demons of my past

Your Worst Nightmare

Summary: Dan can’t sleep–he never can. And it’s thanks to the demon under his bed.

TW: uhhh scary demon shit. idk when @mangothatismelancholy was reading it she was legitimately scared so idkkk

Genre: angst

Word Count: 5k

(here’s a drawing @societyshottheunicorns01​ made!)

(and a drawing @haleykinz​ made!)

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if you’re stressed about your grades/future: “you are young and you will take your damn time.”

A few days ago I had an emotional breakdown about my future (surprise lol.) It’s not as though this doesn’t happen daily, but it’s dawned on me that I couldn’t even discern my true desires from what my lack of self confidence was trying to feed me.

I allowed self-deprecation to get the best of me, and it turned an erroneous decision into one that seemed the most “right for my situation.” I had a plan. But I was not confident nor happy with that plan, so I fell apart. 

Parked in front of my dad’s house, I voiced the concern that–although I thought was a result of flakiness–actually stemmed from an acute source of insecurity. 

My dad then turned around and told me something that I’m positive will stay with me forever. 

“Don’t you dare feel like you have limited options based on your past mistakes. You are not limited and you will never BE limited. Don’t rule any opportunity out right now. You’re not running out of options, you just haven’t found all of them yet. You have so much power left.

I asked him what power a teen/young adult could have, and he looked at me with so much conviction and said, “Youth. You have youth, and youth itself holds so much power. You’re only 17. I wish I were 17. I wish I had that much more left in me, but I don’t. You are 17, you are young, and you will take your damn time.” 

I initially interpreted this as a projection of his own regret. But now, I interpret it as empowerment. I think about it whenever I feel completely overwhelmed by all that I have left to do. Why should I consider quitting now? I’m only 17. Many of you are also of high school, college, or graduate school age, and we have such a long way to go. We’re only so young, and compared to our parents–people who have so many decades of experience under their belt–we don’t know the half of what life has to offer us. And that’s ok, because we have so much left to experience. 

In college, I want to explore different courses. I want to find something that’s right for me, but in order to do so, I need breadth of experience rooted in thoughtful discussion and exposure to a range of things. Although I love art, I want to obtain a liberal arts education as well. And finally having said this, I realized that whatever I thought was “right” was only only a thinly veiled attempt to evade my insecurities.

Records don’t matter. Grades are trifling in the grand scheme of things. My future job is only a portion of what will comprise the best days of my life. Bad teachers, vague assignments, tough environments–I can trudge through the difficulties and I will prosper, because that’s what I can do as someone with youth on my side. This isn’t to say that someone who is older doesn’t have the same privilege. My dad wants to continue to program, and all the more power to him!

But that only exemplifies how much time we have as people who are so young. We have a leg up, and I’m certain that we need to utilize the extra time, stamina, opportunity, and youth that we have to make decisions based on our own situations–not on what other people expect of us, and certainly not according to what our stress and anxiety wants us to believe. 

(The last bit is incredibly difficult, I know. But it’s a process!) 

This isn’t to say that I’m not going to worry and stress. I will! Hell, I’m stressed right now just writing this. But I’m improving. 

Ironically, this studyblr doesn’t thrive in standardized education. This studyblr struggles not with content, but with structure. This studyblr is really nervous about the coming year. But even then, I still have so many choices that it’d be insulting of me to become my only limitation. Obstacles are not impenetrable–not when I have so much power on my side. 

a demon from my past has manifested itself in my room

i fear i dont have long to live before it sucks the life force out of me and i want you all to know that i appreciate you

but he is here now

undertale is here to rightfully take the life he once foolishly let slip through his grasp

god help me

SHE
She smells like cigarettes.
Her mind is full of fucked up mess.
Fighting with her demons  but always smiling at me,
she says my feelings are more than her will ever be.
In the night nothing can stop those tears from falling,
she´s already cried an ocean – the only thing to do now is drownin´.
Girl´s too proud to ask for help,
I can just lay my head on her lap,
hold her hand trough this madnes,
try to take away her sadness.
I´ve seen her in a dance with shadows
They´ve almost destroyed her – is that their purpose ?!
I don´t want her eyes to cry, 
her peace is lost – is possible to give her my?!
Flying on the wings of death – like it´s usual,
waiting for the moment of her last breath–but she still looks beautiful.
With broken heart and hurting soul,
coping with life, trying to make others glow.
Her kidness and care are endless – she brings into world some kind of magic,
It´s that unfair it leaves me breathless – her life should not be so damn tragic.
—  dianalavor
Metaception

So let me get this straight: My character got pulled into a dream world where a succubus sent him to the spirit world where he travelled to a demonic prison which was our high school -created to break children’s spirits- and has possessed the GM in the past and convinced my past self to fight our demon biology teacher.

I have one question… how does it feel to have me inside of you?

My past has poisoned me over the past years, and it is just matter of time before my body is too weak to fight the poison in my head.

When the poison has surrendered my body, and I’m to weak to fight. You will see the gleam of relief and comfort in my eyes, something you haven’t seen for years, as I take my last breath. I hope it would make it easier when you know that I’m finally at peace, and that I’m no longer in pain.

A piece I did in between work today. Illustration for @theeventideabyss‘s police AU fic ‘The Demons of Our Past’. seriously that fic is one of my favorite AoKaga series hands down (but all of their fics are my favorites what to do). I hope you don’t mind me drawing them based on your fanfic aaaa I can’t get this scene out of my mind ;;

Seriously guys. Read it.  

soundcloud.com
Mystery shut up oh my god
I am really tired but tumblr hates me so I'm gonna past my stuff here and link it from there. Cover sketch by heilos.tumblr.com

Also gonna leave this here now since I’m starting to post voice acting clips again and I wanna leave something funny too

cover art by @heilos in case I haven’t credited on the soundcloud page

“The Raging Demon… It’s power is unequaled… It is not my fist but your past sins that will kill you… The more evil your past doings, the more painful your death…“

-Yoshi to Ryu in Super Smash Bros 4. 

the concept:

I’ve sorted out all my feelings and confusion about everything. All my theology and philosophy etc. is in order and I’ve overcome my demons and past regrets.

I’m  happily married and cuddling the guy I love on our front porch swing at midnight. It’s a little rainy and dark and all the stars are out and visible. Our dogs are lying at our feet and our son is tucked into bed, sleeping soundly. We live in a cozy cabin in the mountains surrounded by trees, overlooking a valley. We are financially stable and we’re both healthy, physically and mentally. We have all that we could ever want or need. I’m a published writer and he’s a famous musician, just like he wants to be deep down <3

Walking Nightmares || Archie A.

18. “Hey calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.”

Requested by: @sgarrett49


Nightmares. They usually involved death, whether it was your own, or a loved ones, or even someone in general. Then when you wake up, they hung over your head like a dark cloud, waiting to release rain and lightning once you give in. Death that appeared in your dreams followed you like your own shadow.

Death didn’t just follow my shadow, but my nightmares did too. I felt like a walking dead man with how my nightmares followed me, bringing me to the edge of insanity as I become paranoid.

And in my current case, I just woke up from one, crying and screaming as the demons from my past came to haunt me, yet again.

“Y/N?” Archie’s voice broke through my endless torture, but I wasn’t able to respond. He laid a hand on my shoulder, I faced him, tears streamed down my face, he understood what happened. He pulled me into his chest, hand in my hair.

“It won’t stop,” I whimpered, my voice muffled from his shirt and my sobs.

“Hey calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.” He spoke, a vain attempt to calm me down, rocking us back and forth.

Even though I was awake, I could still feel the pain all over my body from my nightmare. I could still feel the aching pain from the bruses that littered my body oh-so-many years ago.

My skin was burning, burning from the imaginary claw marks from my demons.

Then finally, you start to calm down, the storm slowly stopping as you regain normal breathing patterns.

I finally got past that point, now I was staring off into space in Archie’s arms, my head laying against his chest, listening to his heart beat.

It was now the calm after the storm.

I close my eyes, telling myself that my nightmares wouldn’t appear again, but deep down I knew it was a lie.

I go to sleep anyways.


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